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Not a Proper Child
A dark true story about an exceptional woman and her struggle to survive a bleak and abusive young life.
The story begins when Nicky encounters the Moors Murderer, Myra Hindley, while in Risley remand centre in 1965. The brief meeting between these two young women resonates with Nicky. It is a brush with the kind of darkness into which a human life can descend, and an experience that powers her own resolve not to let her abuse define and shape her, but to strive for a positive life of her own.
Left as a newborn in a box outside Stoke City Football ground, her grandparents took her into their home. But instead of finding a sanctuary, Nicky was subjected to horrific sexual abuse throughout her childhood. In 1951, when Nicky was six years old, her glamorous-looking estranged mother arrived on the doorstep to `rescue' her. But Nicky's hopes of a safe and loving family were very soon smashed, and her world became darker still...
Nicky spent years as a homeless alcoholic, living on the street, in and out of prison before eventually finding a new way forward through her love of art. Now an internationally renowned London artist, hers is a compelling story, carried along by her rare spirit of survival against the odds. This book details an extraordinary woman's rise from the horror of a deeply damaging childhood to a new, creative and independent life. Her story is one of hope, for herself and for other abused children.
- GenresNonfictionBiography
273 pages, Paperback
First published September 6, 2018
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 40 reviews
August 31, 2018
Left as a newborn in a cardboard box outside Stoke City Football ground, her grandparents took her into their home. But instead of finding a sanctuary, Nicky finds it the exact opposit. This is a true story. This is a haunting and horrifying story for the beginning. It starts with Myra Hindley, the Moors Murderer, and Nicky meeting while they were in Risley Remand Centre in 1965.
Nicky was abandoned by her birth mother. She left in the box, a letter with her home address on it. She was taken in my her grandparents who brought her up. But she was abused by her grandfather and uncle. She is constantly told she is "not a proper child". She joins the army but she is unable to fit in. She finds herself homeless and dependant on alcohol. She is often arrested and ends up in a mental institution. It a prison warden who discovers Nicky has a talent and encourages her with her song writing and artistic talent.
No wonder this woman fell,off the rails when she's been abused by nearly everyone in her family. My heart went out to her several times. No one could live like this and not be mentally scarred by it. Thank goodness her story ends on a happy note. Good luck in your future Nicky Nicholls. If anyone deserves it, it's you.
I would like to thank NetGalley, Mirror Books and the authors Nicky Nicholls & Elizabeth Sheppard for my ARC in exchange for an honest review.
Nicky was abandoned by her birth mother. She left in the box, a letter with her home address on it. She was taken in my her grandparents who brought her up. But she was abused by her grandfather and uncle. She is constantly told she is "not a proper child". She joins the army but she is unable to fit in. She finds herself homeless and dependant on alcohol. She is often arrested and ends up in a mental institution. It a prison warden who discovers Nicky has a talent and encourages her with her song writing and artistic talent.
No wonder this woman fell,off the rails when she's been abused by nearly everyone in her family. My heart went out to her several times. No one could live like this and not be mentally scarred by it. Thank goodness her story ends on a happy note. Good luck in your future Nicky Nicholls. If anyone deserves it, it's you.
I would like to thank NetGalley, Mirror Books and the authors Nicky Nicholls & Elizabeth Sheppard for my ARC in exchange for an honest review.
August 27, 2018
Haunting, horrifying and unfortunately true. From an early age Nicky Nicholls is abused by her grandfather and uncle. When she goes to live with her mother she is bashed repeatedly and sent off to a paedophile ring. She is told and believes she is not a proper child.
She joins the Army but is unable to fit in with her terrifying dreams, low self worth and lack of social skills. She finds alcohol and there she finds solace. Alcohol and drugs are her only friends as she lives homeless, occasional stays under arrest and in mental institutions.
It is only when she is prison that she finds friendship and a helpful warden who recognises her song writing and artistic talents.
The abuse she suffers and the way her mental state suffers is extremely well told, emotional and raw, raw, raw. Here is a woman traumatised, unable to cope and not till later in life able to tell someone of her past. It has a happy ending which makes her journey so much more impressive.
She joins the Army but is unable to fit in with her terrifying dreams, low self worth and lack of social skills. She finds alcohol and there she finds solace. Alcohol and drugs are her only friends as she lives homeless, occasional stays under arrest and in mental institutions.
It is only when she is prison that she finds friendship and a helpful warden who recognises her song writing and artistic talents.
The abuse she suffers and the way her mental state suffers is extremely well told, emotional and raw, raw, raw. Here is a woman traumatised, unable to cope and not till later in life able to tell someone of her past. It has a happy ending which makes her journey so much more impressive.
November 25, 2024
“You’re not a proper child, you,” he says to me. His voice is bitter. “You’re a bad girl. Dirty. If you were a proper child, I wouldn’t have to do it.”
Stoke-on-Trent, the north of England. Nicky Nicholls is abused by her grandfather and this is what he says to her after she has been made to give him a handjob after coming home from school. This is after the war. ‘I lived with my grandparents. When I was born, I was left in a shoebox outside Stoke City football ground, which was just around the corner. A label on the shoebox gave the address and my birth certificate was tucked into the bottom.’ My word.
It just gets worse. Wherever she goes there are men waiting to abuse her. Absolutely sickening. She goes over her battle with booze, mental health and how she found it difficult interacting with society. Unfortunately for Nicky her life is just one bad story after another.
There is no sugar-coating here. Nicky has led a difficult life but she is a survivor against all the odds.
Stoke-on-Trent, the north of England. Nicky Nicholls is abused by her grandfather and this is what he says to her after she has been made to give him a handjob after coming home from school. This is after the war. ‘I lived with my grandparents. When I was born, I was left in a shoebox outside Stoke City football ground, which was just around the corner. A label on the shoebox gave the address and my birth certificate was tucked into the bottom.’ My word.
It just gets worse. Wherever she goes there are men waiting to abuse her. Absolutely sickening. She goes over her battle with booze, mental health and how she found it difficult interacting with society. Unfortunately for Nicky her life is just one bad story after another.
There is no sugar-coating here. Nicky has led a difficult life but she is a survivor against all the odds.
September 2, 2018
First of all, this is an extremely hard book to read. At first I was so angry that I wanted to throw the book across the room and basically DNF it! Then I reminded myself ,I wasn't being fair due to the fact that it took MUCH courage and strength to tell her story. At least, I owe her that much dignity to hear out her painful story. So I buckled down and "heard" her. She wasn't doing this to get sympathy . This book is brutally raw and and honest. You'll see her side of the story without any sugarcoat or excuse. This is her story to help others understand abuse, alcoholism, mental illness, no life structures, inner turmoil, and redemption. And guess what? She made it and she's accepted who she is and she knows she'll be okay. I'd rather have her over for dinner over a movie star anyday. I'm standing up and giving her the applaud of her life. Why? Because she's just like us and deserves to be loved just like us.
It was well written enabling me to slip into the story easily.
Warning: This requires at least a box of tissues. This is one of the books that will break your heart .
I received this ARC of this memoir from Net Galley and Mirror Books in an exchange of this tearful brutally honest review.
It was well written enabling me to slip into the story easily.
Warning: This requires at least a box of tissues. This is one of the books that will break your heart .
I received this ARC of this memoir from Net Galley and Mirror Books in an exchange of this tearful brutally honest review.
June 18, 2023
My heart was breaking as I was turning the pages. No child should ever go through these horrible things. Even if her mother had been abused herself, she shouldn’t have made Nicki a victim. I’m still happy for Nicki that for the last decades of her life she’s able to rebuild herself, have a roof, friends, a cousin , carers and sympathy from the public.
March 23, 2019
A truly disturbing, heartbreaking and shocking tale of abuse suffered at the hands of the very people that should care and protect a child. Nicky grows up suffering from all of this and time and time again is constantly let down by people in her life. As a adult she spends years living on the streets as a homeless alcoholic until she ends up in prison. However if ever a cloud has a silver lining this is one.
Whilst in prison in 1965 Nicky meets Myra Hindley the Moors murderer and it resonates with her. She decides that the abuse will not define her or shape her life from now on, she will survive and when her artistic talent is noticed and encouraged it gives her her get out card for good!.
My thanks go to the author, publisher and Netgalley in providing this arc in return for a honest review.
To say I enjoyed this raw and emotional book does not seem the right words use I more marvelled at Nicky's resilience and fighting spirit and admired how brave she was to tell her story.
I think I need to check her art out now as I have heard it is very good!.
Whilst in prison in 1965 Nicky meets Myra Hindley the Moors murderer and it resonates with her. She decides that the abuse will not define her or shape her life from now on, she will survive and when her artistic talent is noticed and encouraged it gives her her get out card for good!.
My thanks go to the author, publisher and Netgalley in providing this arc in return for a honest review.
To say I enjoyed this raw and emotional book does not seem the right words use I more marvelled at Nicky's resilience and fighting spirit and admired how brave she was to tell her story.
I think I need to check her art out now as I have heard it is very good!.
September 2, 2018
First of all, this is an extremely hard book to read. At first I was so angry that I wanted to throw the book across the room and basically DNF it! Then I reminded myself ,I wasn't being fair due to the fact that it took MUCH courage and strength to tell her story. At least, I owe her that much dignity to hear out her painful story. So I buckled down and "heard" her. She wasn't doing this to get sympathy . This book is brutally raw and and honest. You'll see her side of the story without any sugarcoat or excuse. This is her story to help others understand abuse, alcoholism, mental illness, no life structures, inner turmoil, and redemption. And guess what? She made it and she's accepted who she is and she knows she'll be okay. I'd rather have her over for dinner over a movie star anyday. I'm standing up and giving her the applaud of her life. Why? Because she's just like us and deserves to be loved just like us.
Warning: This requires at least a box of tissues. This is one of the books that will break your heart .
I received this ARC of this memoir from Net Galley and Mirror Books in an exchange of this tearful brutally honest review.
Warning: This requires at least a box of tissues. This is one of the books that will break your heart .
I received this ARC of this memoir from Net Galley and Mirror Books in an exchange of this tearful brutally honest review.
September 5, 2018
This is one of the most tragic and sad books I have ever read. It demonstrates a huge amount of courage on the part of Nicky Nichols in being able to write her story to share her life with the world, bearing in mind she was unable to divulge to anyone in life what had happened to her until she reached her mid-50’s.
Without wanting to give any spoilers, it shows how ‘the abused becomes the abuser’ in the case of her mother, how a person will often continue to abuse for a lifetime unless they are stopped in the case of her grandfather and how devastating effects of child abuse can be well into adulthood, with Nicky, even more so when not discussed and help is not given.
Nicky is so brave and it is such a shame she was not given help sooner. I am sure she could have done wonderful things with the life and would have been so much happier if the truth had come out sooner.
Thank you to NetGalley for a Kindle copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
Without wanting to give any spoilers, it shows how ‘the abused becomes the abuser’ in the case of her mother, how a person will often continue to abuse for a lifetime unless they are stopped in the case of her grandfather and how devastating effects of child abuse can be well into adulthood, with Nicky, even more so when not discussed and help is not given.
Nicky is so brave and it is such a shame she was not given help sooner. I am sure she could have done wonderful things with the life and would have been so much happier if the truth had come out sooner.
Thank you to NetGalley for a Kindle copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
September 1, 2018
This book was terribly sad. It starts out with our main character in an abusive household with her grandparents only to be snatched out of it by her real mother. Things should be looking up for our little girl Nicky right? Wrong. From sexual abuse by her grandfather and uncle to physical abuse from her mother poor Nicky can't seem to get away from it. Drugs, alcohol, and violence become her life until she does reach a breaking point. I liked how this book was written, yeah its a sad story but the author didn't go overboard on the graphics, just enough for the reader to understand what was going on. I enjoyed this book however I didn't find it stood out any more than other books of this type. Quick read but it did manage to tug on the heartstrings.
April 25, 2020
Brilliant and harrowing. I couldn’t put it down, there were tears throughout
August 2, 2019
I’m not comfortable rating this so low and I want to first of all say that Nicky is quite clearly a very brave and courageous woman - a survivor. I admire that strength and I was pleased to see that she did eventually come through her terrible times.
I did take issue with the way in which this was written. Many “flashback” type scenes which took away from the current event being described and a lot of repetition. I do appreciate that this isn’t a story to entertain and indeed take that into consideration.
I did take issue with the way in which this was written. Many “flashback” type scenes which took away from the current event being described and a lot of repetition. I do appreciate that this isn’t a story to entertain and indeed take that into consideration.
September 24, 2018
Not a Proper Child
by Nicky Nicholls and Elizabeth Sheppard
Mirror Books
Biographies & Memoirs , Nonfiction (Adult)
Pub Date 06 Sep 2018
I am reviewing a copy of Not A Proper Child through Mirror Books and Netgalley:
As a newborn Nicky was left in a box outside of Stokes City Football Ground, her Grandparents found her and took her into their home, but what she would find in that home was far from love! Her Mom takes her from time to time but even she beats her. Her Grandfather and her Uncle sexually assault her.
Nicky’s life was marred by tragedy and abuse, leaving her more and more afraid as the abuse escalated and her dreams of a happy home were shattered again and again.
Because of her broken.life, Nicky turned to alcohol becoming a homeless alcoholic, she ended up in prison in 1965 and witnessed the arrival of Moors Murderer Myra Hindley, she decided then to move beyond her past and built a better life for her.
I give Not A Proper Child five out of five stars!
Happy Reading!
Nicky’s life was marred by tragedy and abuse, leaving her more and more afraid as the abuse escalated and her dreams of a happy home were shattered again and again.
Because of her broken.life, Nicky turned to alcohol becoming a homeless alcoholic, she ended up in prison in 1965 and witnessed the arrival of Moors Murderer Myra Hindley, she decided then to move beyond her past and built a better life for her.
I give Not A Proper Child five out of five stars!
Happy Reading!
November 3, 2019
Quite an eye-opener with regard to what some children are forced to endure. We all know that life is not fair and all are not born equal, but this book explains how this "unfairness" impacts on the growing child's emotions and in turn on the mature adult. Until I read this book, I could never understand why people who are depressed or have had bad experiences just couldn't "get over it and on with life". I understand now that a child's early life is written into his/her emotional life and is almost impossible to reverse. Well written and deeply honest - a brave person reliving her worst nightmares in order to heal.
October 9, 2018
*thank you to Netgalley and Mirror Books for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review*
3 stars.
Ohh what a life some people have had to experience. The paths that Nicky had been down were horrendous, making this a really tough read in parts. Your heart cant help but go out to Nicky and all she has been through. The abuse by her mother and other family members was, for me personally, the hardest to stomach. So while I did enjoy this, it wasnt one I found to really captured my attention.
3 stars.
Ohh what a life some people have had to experience. The paths that Nicky had been down were horrendous, making this a really tough read in parts. Your heart cant help but go out to Nicky and all she has been through. The abuse by her mother and other family members was, for me personally, the hardest to stomach. So while I did enjoy this, it wasnt one I found to really captured my attention.
July 6, 2019
I’m sorry. I have very little nice to say. The book is written fine. But it’s my feelings towards our protagonist. As a person, artist in both music and drawings based on what I saw online. I feel my thoughts are rather cruel and being this is a true story I would not wish to harm this person’s sense of self further than it has already been damaged. What happened is dreadful. Stories of Dog are the most upsetting.
Anyway. I hope for good things for Nicky.
P.S. Pretty sick of the word “Drink”.
Anyway. I hope for good things for Nicky.
P.S. Pretty sick of the word “Drink”.
November 5, 2019
A utterly compelling book detailing a life no person of any age should contend with especially starting at childhood! An inspiring woman with incredible courage, strength and sheer talent! Long may her success continue! A touching read, I enjoyed the way in which it was told and the level of depth she was able to go to in order for you to try and truly understand her life story and why she did the things she did. Only question left unanswered for me was...did she ever say goodbye properly to Carrie once she was strong, or revisit that old wound to make amends?! I hope so.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
January 16, 2022
This is the true story of a talented but seriously damaged adult who suffered a great deal of abuse from almost every member of her family as a child which for the most part went totally undetected by social services, who tended to rescue her from one bad situation only to transfer her to a worse one. It is written with the help of a ghost writer, of necessity, but seems to express Nicky's feelings rather well. It was pretty hard going, but a salutary reminder of just how hard life is for some people.
August 27, 2018
Thank you to the publishers for letting me read this ARC in exchange for an honest review.
Not a Proper Child was a very difficult read to anybody that is a survivor of abuse. With that said though, after reading the book I'm at a loss for words at her remarkable recovery and triumphs in life.
I am not a big fan of giving feedback and ruining the story for future readers, this book will definitely stick with you after reading it!
Not a Proper Child was a very difficult read to anybody that is a survivor of abuse. With that said though, after reading the book I'm at a loss for words at her remarkable recovery and triumphs in life.
I am not a big fan of giving feedback and ruining the story for future readers, this book will definitely stick with you after reading it!
July 11, 2023
honestly this book is so well written especially the repeats of a drink symbolising her alcoholism. i read it on holiday which probably wasn’t a good choice lmaooo but honestly this book was enraging the amount of people who let her down and took advantage of her in her life is infuriating but i hope she has healed and is doing well in life rn. such a good book i do recommend however it can be quite triggering with the topics discussed in the book.
March 5, 2019
This is Nicky’s story of how she was abused and betrayed by the people who should’ve protected and loved her the most. It is distressing to witness just how cruel and horrible some people can be. Anyone not moved by this memoir must have a heart of stone. I was given this ARC by the publisher and Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.
January 26, 2026
Painfully real
I've experienced some childhood abuse myself, it effected my life in so many awful ways that I didn't understand until much later in life, but this book makes me realise how lucky I was to not to have suffered it to the point of madness. I've survived but how many others are still going through this abuse?
I've experienced some childhood abuse myself, it effected my life in so many awful ways that I didn't understand until much later in life, but this book makes me realise how lucky I was to not to have suffered it to the point of madness. I've survived but how many others are still going through this abuse?
August 27, 2018
Wow this book is a heartbreaking look at a life of abuse and addiction that almost destroyed the author of this book. This story is a horrific tale of a child and an adult who was failed by the system in every way possible but some how has managed to come out the other side.
August 31, 2018
I cannot imagine the courage it took for Nicky to share her story. This book is raw and details the abuse and setbacks that Nicky suffered all through her life, but also her success. This was an emotional and motivational read! Highly recommend!
October 7, 2018
Very emotional read!
This book made me so so sad & I wanted so badly to save her!! It made me really appreciate the GOOD people though. I think she's incredibly talented, brave & a testament to our ability to SURVIVE.
This book made me so so sad & I wanted so badly to save her!! It made me really appreciate the GOOD people though. I think she's incredibly talented, brave & a testament to our ability to SURVIVE.
February 4, 2019
Heartbreaking, what a truly amazing strong "proper" lady.
Heartbreaking, what a truly amazing strong "proper" lady. I would recommend this book to read. Thank you for sharing your life.
Heartbreaking, what a truly amazing strong "proper" lady. I would recommend this book to read. Thank you for sharing your life.
January 11, 2022
I couldn't decide whether to give this a 4 or 5 star rating but as its so inspirational and so emotional to read I gave it 5. Great find at my local free book store. The tribute at the end to Dog had me in floods of tears!
September 21, 2018
Amazing
Amazing .There is light at the end of a dark tunnel.Love I'm the moment..Gratitude to this amazing lady.thank you lady
Amazing .There is light at the end of a dark tunnel.Love I'm the moment..Gratitude to this amazing lady.thank you lady
December 19, 2018
I was caught in a spell, not believing, hurting and feeling angry. I would love to meet Nicky Nicholls, incredible lady. Thank you!
May 7, 2019
Compelling, disturbing, upsetting but brilliant.
October 12, 2019
Closure
An incredible story of courage against seemingly overwhelming odds. Difficult to comprehend the struggle it must have taken to write.
An incredible story of courage against seemingly overwhelming odds. Difficult to comprehend the struggle it must have taken to write.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 40 reviews