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Contented Dementia

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Dementia is a little understood and currently incurable illness, but much can be done to maximise the quality of life for people with the condition. "Contented Dementia" - by clinical psychologist and bestselling author Oliver James - outlines a groundbreaking and practical method for managing dementia that will allow both sufferer and carer to maintain the highest possible quality of life, throughout every stage of the illness. A person with dementia will experience random and increasingly frequent memory blanks relating to recent events. Feelings, however, remain intact, as do memories of past events and both can be used in a special way to substitute for more recent information that has been lost.The SPECAL method (Specialized Early Care for Alzheimer's) outlined in this book works by creating links between past memories and the routine activities of daily life in the present. Drawing on real-life examples and user-friendly tried-and-tested methods, "Contented Dementia" provides essential information and guidance for carers, relatives and professionals.

304 pages, Hardcover

First published August 7, 2008

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741 people want to read

About the author

Oliver James

26 books150 followers
Librarian Note: There is more than one author by this name in the Goodreads database.

Oliver James is a clinical psychologist, writer, broadcaster, and television documentary producer. He frequently broadcasts on radio and acts as a pundit on television.

He is the author of several books, including Affluenza, which examines the role that consumerist aspirations play in making us miserable.

In 1997 he presented The Chair for BBC 2, a series that put celebrities on the psychologist's couch, and in which Peter Mandelson famously shed a tear.

Oliver has produced and presented several other television series about the issues surrounding mental illness, and various psychological aspects of British society. He also presented a series for This Morning on child development and is a regular contributor to several broadsheet newspapers.

He is a trustee of the Alzheimer's charity, SPECAL and lives in Oxfordshire with his wife and two small children.

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Displaying 1 - 30 of 58 reviews
Profile Image for Helen (Helena/Nell).
244 reviews140 followers
August 10, 2016
I came to this book for two reasons. First my mother has Alzheimer's Dementia so I've been reading round it. Second, I liked Oliver James's book Affluenza. I liked his style and I liked his values.

I've now read this book twice. The second time I made notes.

I read it for the second time on the way to and during a visit to my mother's. The book is nicely written. Hard, for the purposes of this review, to separate the value of the book (as a piece of writing) from the method. The book offers a method of working with people with Alzheimers. Or living with people with Alzheimers. A way that potentially improves the quality of life all round.

Actually, any way of coping is great. Any advice about what to do and what to say is automatically interesting. Any suggestion that the methods might actually lead to happiness, even in those people experiencing this illness, is surely one that people must grab with both hands.

In effect, I'm sure people grab it with extreme scepticism, depending on how much they already have invested in their own methods.

However, I can cheerfully say that my 'methods' didn't work anyway. I'm happy to listen. And this book is a sort of training manual, and I could relate to that. I know behavioural training can be powerful in its effects, and that simple ways sometimes have the most dramatic effects.

This is quite a long book because it contains illustrations and case studies, as well as lots about the actual life experience of Penny Garner who devised the SPECAL method in the first place.

But at the heart of the book are some simple ideas.

You start, for example, with the three commandments. I have rhymed them for myself so I can remember them more easily (age old training method).

First, never ask questions.
Second, always agree.
Listen and learn from the expert
Has to be number three.

The 'expert 'is the person with the illness. LIsten and learn means listen to the repetitions because they have meaning. You can use them to increase comfort and to decrease panic. You need to read the book to get more about this.

I have been arguing with my mother all my life, so 'always agree' sounded like an impossibility for me. But it's not. Amazingly, I find it's not. Oliver James explains that the whole point of this method is to put the feelings of the sufferer first. The aim is to make them feel safe, valued, respected. So whatever they say (and there are some wild assertions in this particular house) you agree, or certainly try not to disagree. There are ways of sidelining the subject when overt racism comes into the conversation.

I began with the first bit: not asking questions. Amazing how hard this is. Don't we always start with 'How are you?' and 'What have you been up to today?' But the book explains how disastrous questions can be, especially the second of these. The person with the illness doesn't know the answer to the question because they can't remember. Not remembering makes them feel inadequate, so reminding them that they don't know the answer to the question simply undermines confidence.. Ask mum what she has been doing today and she has no idea. She has no idea when she suggests going out for a walk that we came back from the last walk ten minutes ago.

So I've been practising. It's the opposite of everything I've ever done. Teachers (I have teaching in my blood and so has she) are always asking questions. It is possible. I can replace 'Would you like a cup of tea' with 'I could do with a cup of tea' or 'we haven't had a cup of tea for ages'. And 'Would you like to go for a walk?' can be replaced by 'Not bad weather for a walk'.

I could go on. I have been trying these methods. I have learned a lot and worked hard in the last three days.

The results were fascinating. As usual, when staying with my mother, I start to feel as though I too have faulty cognition and some difficulty distinguishing between present and past. But it doesn't matter as much. Something about not asking questions had a remarkable effect. I suddenly found she was talking, and talking freely about her childhood, and the conversation went on for ages and ages. She told me things I didn't know she even remembered. All I had to do was concentrate on not asking questions. Instead I threw in comments like 'How interesting!' and 'How wonderful!' and 'I never knew that.' As I get tireder (yes, me, not her), the not asking questions gets harder, and I find I'm starting to insert question tags, like 'isn't it?' and 'haven't we'? But hey -- here is my mother laughing, and even more interestingly, here is me feeling MUCH more affectionate towards her than I remember. Twice I got up to give her a hug because I felt so proud of her.

Yes, there is something in all this. I see from something I read on the web that there is some unease from the Alzheimer's Society (who do many wonderful things) towards the SPECAL people. It's always the way. But if you have a person you love with dementia, it doesn't matter who comes up with the method that helps. All that matters is the helping.

I think this will help us. We're in the early stages relatively speaking but one thing is clear: the first commandment works. It makes a HUGE difference. I will never ever phone my mother again and say 'What have you been doing today?' Why have I been doing that for the last two years when I knew all along she didn't know the answer? I guess I didn't know how else to approach her other than as a 'normal' person.

This book explains how the disability caused by Alzheimer's works. And then how to work with the strengths of the person's brain, not its weaknesses. It explains in a way I understood and could relate to, though I've had to make notes -- and it's going to take time to implement the whole approach, if indeed it turns out to be possible. And it won't just depend on me. I'm only one of the people who matters in my mother's life. But it is, without question, the most interesting thing on this illness I've read so far. And the most cheering!
Profile Image for Jacky Montgomery.
60 reviews
August 7, 2018
This book single-handedly saved my sanity and my relationship with my Mum.
It was recommended to me by a friend at a carers meeting when I told her I was struggling looking after my Mum since she sank into dementia.
After reading this I had an epiphany and totally changed the way I looked at, and reacted to, what Mum was doing and saying.
Thank you Oliver James, thank you Penny Garner for devising the SPECAL method and thank you Jill for recommending it to me.
I, in turn, would recommend anyone read it who is struggling with a relative with dementia.
8 reviews
May 18, 2012
awesome ideas for living with people with dementi. helped me through caring for my nan.
76 reviews
August 9, 2021
Some good information and suggestions here but frankly you can get a wealth more information on YouTube with demonstrations on practical things. Also some more information on how to deal with later stages of dementia would have been good, again I have learnt more on YouTube from channels like Dementia Careblazers, videos by Teepa Snow, etc
Profile Image for Claire Belberg.
Author 6 books9 followers
April 22, 2019
A friend suggested I read this curiously titled book when it became apparent that my parents were becoming cognitively challenged. It was a timely book, and has given me some confidence to understand what is happening and some help in knowing some effective ways of responding to them. Oliver James writes about a method developed by his mother-in-law, Penny Garner, for managing behaviours where there is significant memory loss.

It's not without controversy, however, and I find it interesting that the thesis - that it's kinder to 'go along with' the apparent illogic or slip into the past than to keep traumatising the sufferer by forcing them to face 'reality' (aka facts they have no memory of) - is judged unethical by some critics. These are, of course, personal decisions the reader must make, but I found the book to be compassionate, insightful, and respectful towards people we often find difficult to respect. There are practical suggestions, but if you were to take the whole method on board, I think it might be a bit idealistic. Perhaps it just fits some people's circumstances better than mine. Nevertheless I have taken much of Penny Garner's approach to heart and can recommend this book to anyone facing the confusion and sadness of a loved one struggling with memory-loss dementia.
Profile Image for Rosemary.
2,195 reviews101 followers
June 7, 2019
I was hoping this book would make dementia seem less scary, and it did! But only if one (or one's loved ones) can get the kind of care they describe here.

3 golden rules for avoiding causing intense distress to a dementia "client":

1. Don't ask them any questions
2. Learn from them when it comes to what subjects they're comfortable talking about
3. Don't contradict them (or correct them or tell them any bad news that they've forgotten).

There's a lot more to it for those who are caring for someone with dementia, but that's all a casual visitor needs to know.
Profile Image for Marjorie Jones.
121 reviews1 follower
July 28, 2024
I bought this book because our lovely elderly next door neighbour has dementia, and I wanted to learn more about how I could help her and her family the most when I spend time with her.

Disclaimer: I have no medical training, and in the review that follows, I may have misunderstood or misinterpreted the author's intentions. So please treat my review with caution. If you want to know more, please use the book as your truth, not my very amateur review.

This book covers a whole approach (SPECAL Care) to treating dementia patients to allow them to remain happy and contented for as long as possible. Central to this is the principle of not disagreeing with the client (Oliver uses "client" instead of "sufferer" throughout the book) or saying anything that upsets their current version of reality. For example, if they ask when their father is coming home, then, instead of pointing out that their father is dead, you could say that he was out at work and would be back later.

The author uses the analogy of a photograph album to explain what happens to the mind in dementia. The early photographs are intact, and the client can remember the events and the feelings associated with the events, but the more recent photographs just have blank slots for the events, with only the feelings remaining. Each day, more blank photographs are added to the album, and the primary aim of the carers is to ensure the feelings associated with those photographs are positive ("green") not negative ("red"). Some of those "photographs" will of course be day-to-day activities where it's relatively easy to maintain the equilibrium ("green"), and others will be more stressful situations, like visitors to the home, hospital appointments, etc where the situation can so easily go from "green" to "red" very quickly and cause much distress.

Oliver gives three commandments when interacting with a dementia client.

Number 1: Don't ask questions. Even questions that seem simple to us, such as "How are you today?", "Is it still raining outside?" can cause distress as they are unlikely to be able to remember enough to be able to answer the well-intentioned question.

Number 2: Learn from them as the experts on their disability - if they need to keep repeating the same question it's because they are concerned to know the answer. The author gives tips for identifying acceptable answers for common questions, and how to play verbal ping-pong to avoid disagreements and distress.

Number 3: Always agree with everything they say, never interrupting them. Trying to correct a client who is mistaken about something is very likely to turn a green situation red.

Oliver also lists some client-specific themes to identify.

For example, there is the primary theme (a safe topic that the client can always talk about), the health theme (a health issue they may have had in the past that you can use to navigate day-to-day issues, for example "You should go to bed now to rest your bad leg"), the absence explanation (the reason given why the primary carer is absent, so the client doesn't worry) etc.

Some of this may seem deceitful and insincere, but the alternative is far worse. Why subject a loved one to torture they cannot understand, and cannot escape or resolve?

The approach clearly works, and one SPECAL carer is quoted as saying: "My wife's dementia is far worse, but it really doesn't seem to matter very much. We're all fine." However, even with the vast amount of helpful advice in this book, dementia is still an, awful, awful thing to cope with, for the client, and far more so, for the loved ones who have to care for the client, and learn a whole new way of behaving and living.

There's lots more common sense in this book, and I recommend it if you are caring for a loved one with dementia. It gives an excellent insight into the mind of a dementia client, and how you can help not hinder, even if you don't want to, or can't implement the whole SPECAL plan.

And me? Did I find the book helpful? Most definitely. I already knew several of my lovely neighbour's safe "primary themes" to chat about. And since reading this book, I have standard "safe" answers to her most common questions, and I've completely stopped asking her direct questions, and replaced them with more indirect "I" statements, for example "I wonder if we should . . . ", rather than "Do you want to . . . ".
Profile Image for Jo Williams.
10 reviews1 follower
December 6, 2014
Fantastic book. Should be given out free to all carers of people with dementia. The principles and management methods laid out make absolute sense .The book is a very easy read with plenty of examples and engaging life stories. Can only hope this method gets taken up in a big way for happiness for the carer and cared for and avoiding use of powerful medications.
Associated website has even more information and access to courses for carers and professionals.
Profile Image for Phyllis Leigh.
33 reviews
October 31, 2012
I wish I'd read this a couple of years ago when my mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. I think it would have made life a lot more pleasant for everyone. I hope that if I end up with dementia as well whoever is looking after me has read this book!A book everyone should read!
Profile Image for Ruthie.
486 reviews9 followers
October 22, 2013
Just spent this morning in care home in Porth Rhondda which is taking on board many of the approaches in this book - and then some! One room is now a pub bar, another is a small shop. A thousand careful details. An inspirational woman leading the transformation.
1 review
September 5, 2016
New Ways of Thinking about Being a Caregiver

This book taught me why logic will not work in communicating with someone with dementia. It offered specific alternatives to dealing with situations that arise.
7 reviews
May 20, 2018
Great book for people with loved ones with dementia or those who work in long term care facilities or are PCA's for people with dementia.
680 reviews15 followers
October 1, 2020
This is one of those books which could've been an article. It's overly repetitive and doesn't develop its central idea enough.

The central idea is fine, the notion that dementia patients are happiest if you enter their world and encourage them to believe all is well. This is dishonest but I don't doubt that it is nicer for the dementia sufferer.

To avoid the outside world crushing their bubble, you have to involve ever more people though. This is fraught with potential for disaster, which inevitably will happen. When reality crashes in on the person it will be worse for that person. The method relies on recovery of the narrative and the dementia patient forgetting but you can't rely on what they'll remember, or not. Things you don't think they will they often do

Even medical appointments are supposed to be couched in terms of other, familiar, medical visits, which again is asking for trouble.

Then there is the legal side, which doesn't even receive a mention. For instance, a Court of Protection application involves you having to explain to the individual what you are doing and why. This cannot be reconciled with maintaining a fantasy normality for the patient and would be a particularly cruel way for the person to confront reality.
157 reviews1 follower
October 23, 2022
Dealing with a loved one coping with probable vascular dementia, I approached this book with enthusiasm. As I read on, I felt increasingly it over-generalised, and was rather cultish with its freshly defined terms and acronyms. Though it takes an ostensibly humanistic approach, concentrating on the wellbeing of the sufferer, in some way it conjures an impression of creating a kind of mindless happiness, an extreme reductionism.
It also rather assumes a well-functioning coterie of carers, with limited other life problems, able to negotiate at a leisurely pace with proprietors of care homes, and to impose a specific method on them. I an over simplifying myself here but that is my general impression.
Certain policies - not bombarding the sufferer with questions, for example, or avoiding heavy tranquilising type drugs where possible, seem sound. I have learnt some valuable things from this book and it has given me food for thought, but I find the Alzheimers Society's critical review of the "SPECAL" method James promotes much more persuasive than the book itself. I agree with the Society that the person still has rights and individuality. I'm afraid "Contented Dementia" reminds me of "Brave New World" and "Soma".
5 reviews
February 27, 2024
Sending Prayers and Support. My mom was diagnosed with Dementia disease when she was 62 years old 2 years ago. The Donepezil did very little to help her. The medical team did even less. Her decline was rapid and devastating. It was Hallucinations at first, then Walking difficulties. Last year, a family friend told us about Natural Herbs Centre and their successful Dementia Ayurveda TREATMENT, we visited their website natural herbs centre. com and ordered their Dementia Ayurveda protocol, i am happy to report the treatment effectively treated and reversed her Dementia , most of her symptoms stopped, she’s able to walk again, sleep well and exercise regularly.she’s  active now, I can personally vouch for  these remedy but you would probably need to decide what works best for you.
Profile Image for Budd Margolis.
856 reviews13 followers
June 9, 2023
ChatGPT: "Contented Dementia" is a term coined by Oliver James, a British clinical psychologist, in his book titled "Contented Dementia: A Revolutionary New Way of Treating Dementia." The book introduces a care approach aimed at improving the well-being and quality of life for individuals with dementia.

The "Contented Dementia" approach focuses on the emotional needs and experiences of people with dementia, emphasizing the importance of maintaining a positive emotional state to reduce distress and agitation. The core principle of the approach is to provide a consistent and nurturing environment that promotes feelings of security, contentment, and familiarity.It's important to note that the "Contented Dementia" approach is not a cure for dementia but rather a philosophy of care that aims to enhance the individual's quality of life and well-being. Caregivers, family members, and healthcare professionals can benefit from adopting this approach to create a nurturing and supportive environment for individuals living with dementia.

Key aspects of the "Contented Dementia" approach include:

Validation: Rather than attempting to correct or challenge the person's beliefs or memories, caregivers and family members are encouraged to validate their experiences and emotions. This approach helps to avoid unnecessary conflicts and allows individuals with dementia to maintain a sense of dignity.

Emotional connectedness: The approach emphasizes the significance of maintaining emotional connections with individuals with dementia. Through compassionate communication, active listening, and engaging in meaningful activities, caregivers can help foster a sense of belonging and reduce feelings of isolation.

Structure and routine: Creating a structured and predictable daily routine can help individuals with dementia feel more secure and less anxious. Consistency in their environment, activities, and interactions can contribute to a greater sense of contentment and well-being.

Personalized care: Recognizing the individuality of each person with dementia, the approach advocates for tailoring care strategies to their unique preferences, interests, and abilities. This person-centered approach promotes a sense of autonomy and self-worth.

Holistic support: The "Contented Dementia" approach acknowledges the importance of addressing not only the person's physical care needs but also their emotional, social, and psychological well-being. It highlights the significance of a comprehensive support system involving healthcare professionals, family members, and caregivers.
97 reviews1 follower
June 9, 2025
Since Mum died of Lewy body dementia, I've been reading extensively around this issue. Interestingly, the cardinal rules in this useful recipe book for dealing with the phases of dementia, are many of the ones that I learnt the slightly harder way, by trial and error. I believe this book would be incredibly useful for those family and friends who are at the start of their journey of caring for someone with dementia, and providing them with the least stressful existence possible under dire circumstances. It should also be essential reading for those working as carers in residential facilities.
31 reviews
June 15, 2025
It gives good advice and I’ve tried some of this and techniques however keeping an 82 year old at home from going to work in a job he did when he was 17 at 4 am then again every 10-15 minutes is extremely difficult. Also stopping him from trying to walk to similar work courses in derelict or closed down buildings when he is having falls is also very challenging despite using guilt tricks.

The book was interesting though hard going due to the stress of the situation so took me a while to get through. I would recommend it.
243 reviews2 followers
June 27, 2021
I was advised to read this book by my mom's doctor. I cannot recommend it highly enough. It offers guidance to caring for a loved one with Alzheimer's based on an interesting photo album account of memory, years of practical and personal experience, and enormous empathy and good humor. It aims to allow the carer and their loved one to live happily while dealing with this devastating disease. I am still at the beginning of this journey but this book has given me strategies to cope, and hope.
Profile Image for Amy Hughey.
26 reviews2 followers
February 23, 2019
Hopeful and hopefully useful

This gives a deeper understanding of what the dementia patient is going through which is extremely helpful. I can't get attest to the effectiveness of the care plan but I do feel encouraged though quite overwhelmed at the possibility of adopting this approach.
Profile Image for Robin Stevens.
Author 52 books2,589 followers
April 7, 2020
A really clear and excellent handbook for making the most out of a very confusing condition.

*Please note: this review is meant as a recommendation only. If you use it in any marketing material, online or anywhere on a published book without asking permission from me first, I will ask you to remove that use immediately. Thank you!*
Profile Image for Peter Abraham.
32 reviews
August 25, 2021
A good read with some good tips but right from the beginning I was disagreeing with some of the content. Such as don't ask questions. I find asking certain questions about interests people with dementia still have and feigning ignorance of the subject gives them some empowerment and confidence thus securing a bond with myself.
Profile Image for Natalie.
24 reviews2 followers
January 9, 2023
This book is incredibly useful, whether you adopt the approach in its entirety or merely take away some of the basic principles I really believe it could make a huge difference to the lives of those with dementia.
I've bought copies of this to pass on to others.
Please read if you know someone with dementia, very small changes on your part could make a massive different to their wellbeing.
Profile Image for Debbie King.
4 reviews
August 1, 2023
This book provided a lot of information to help both the person diagnosed with dementia and the caregiver. I found myself both reassured by the suggestions that as a family, we have kind of innately already been doing and those that would improve our care of our loved one. The suggestions for self care also made sense. While we still have a journey ahead this roadmap can help.
Profile Image for Tole.
226 reviews7 followers
July 19, 2017
mostly basic stuff like 'don't argue' and 'treat them like they are human's' but It's still worth reading.

I especially enjoyed the parts about 'never ask questions' and how to have conversations etc in this manner.
Profile Image for Kevin Pawsey.
1 review1 follower
April 29, 2020
very informative and helpful... really did help me to understand how to talk to my dad at a difficult time in his life.

Highly recommended for anyone with a relative that has been diagnosed with dementia.
Profile Image for christina davies.
18 reviews1 follower
June 7, 2021
I found this book interesting and informative.
Great tips to help care for a loved one with dementia are helpful, as it is such a cruel disease!
Would definitely recommend reading and will be passing onto family members.
Profile Image for Paul Charles Radio Show .
64 reviews
March 30, 2022
Would recommend for anyone with relatives or working with those experiencing dementia
This is a clear and comprehensive guide setting out a specific approach which is grounded in humanity and understanding.
7/10
Profile Image for Jeanie Touchstone.
1 review
January 18, 2023
This book contains some really excellent information and is worth reading if you care for someone with dementia. However, the writing style is such that if you skim (as I did), you're likely to miss important information and have to backtrack.
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