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HBR's 10 Must Reads on Mental Toughness (with bonus interview "Post-Traumatic Growth and Building Resilience" with Martin Seligman)
Come back from every setback a stronger and better leader
If you read nothing else on mental toughness, read these ten articles by experts in the field. We've combed through hundreds of articles in the Harvard Business Review archive and selected the most important ones to help you build your emotional strength and resilience--and to achieve high performance.
This book will inspire you to:
Thrive on pressure like an Olympic athlete Manage and overcome negative emotions by acknowledging them Plan short-term goals to achieve long-term aspirations Surround yourself with the people who will push you the hardest Use challenges to become a better leader Use creativity to move past trauma Understand the tools your mind uses to recover from setbacks.This collection of articles includes "How the Best of the Best Get Better and Better," by Graham Jones; "Crucibles of Leadership," by Warren G. Bennis and Robert J. Thomas; "Building Resilience," by Martin E.P. Seligman; "Cognitive Fitness," by Roderick Gilkey and Clint Kilts; "The Making of a Corporate Athlete," by Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz; "Stress Can Be a Good Thing If You Know How to Use It," by Alla Crum and Thomas Crum; "How to Bounce Back from Adversity," by Joshua D. Margolis and Paul G. Stoltz; "Rebounding from Career Setbacks," by Mitchell Lee Marks, Philip Mirvis, and Ron Ashkenas; "Realizing What You're Made Of," by Glenn E. Mangurian; "Extreme Negotiations," by Jeff Weiss, Aram Donigian, and Jonathan Hughes; and "Post-Traumatic Growth and Building Resilience," by Martin Seligman and Sarah Green Carmichael.
224 pages, Hardcover
First published December 19, 2017
870 people are currently reading
4779 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 152 reviews
January 12, 2018
Good ideas on how to cope with stress and rebound from difficult situations.
Key points:
- If you want to get to the top, you need to train with the best people.
- Continuous detailed feedback. How can I improve my performance?
- Pay attention to what you did well too.
- "Those with real mettle will get back into training again. That’s what truly separates elite performers from ordinary high achievers."
- Learn from negative experiences.
- Happiness is a function of outlook on life.
- When adversity hits, learn from that experience, and get back to work.
- "We discovered that people who don’t give up have a habit of interpreting setbacks as temporary, local, and changeable."
- "Play games Activities like bridge, chess, sudoku, and the New York Times crossword puzzle all provide good neural workouts. There are ever more possibilities online, too, with the growing popularity of role-playing games. Try new games that challenge your left hemisphere, such as pool."
-Tale notes of everything interesting you see.
- Learning to play a musical instrument is a good mental workout.
- "Physical well-being is its foundation. Above that rests emotional health, then mental acuity, and at the top,"
- Name your stress.
- What would the person I admire do in this situation?
- " Determine why you lost, identify new paths, and seize the right opportunity"
- To survive you need at least one believer.
- "It’s easier to create new dreams than to cling to broken ones Adversity alters relationships and may even ruin them. It destroys some dreams and renders others unlikely. Certain things will be irrevocably lost, and pretending otherwise is foolish. But adversity also provides an opportunity to houseclean—to pack old"
Key points:
- If you want to get to the top, you need to train with the best people.
- Continuous detailed feedback. How can I improve my performance?
- Pay attention to what you did well too.
- "Those with real mettle will get back into training again. That’s what truly separates elite performers from ordinary high achievers."
- Learn from negative experiences.
- Happiness is a function of outlook on life.
- When adversity hits, learn from that experience, and get back to work.
- "We discovered that people who don’t give up have a habit of interpreting setbacks as temporary, local, and changeable."
- "Play games Activities like bridge, chess, sudoku, and the New York Times crossword puzzle all provide good neural workouts. There are ever more possibilities online, too, with the growing popularity of role-playing games. Try new games that challenge your left hemisphere, such as pool."
-Tale notes of everything interesting you see.
- Learning to play a musical instrument is a good mental workout.
- "Physical well-being is its foundation. Above that rests emotional health, then mental acuity, and at the top,"
- Name your stress.
- What would the person I admire do in this situation?
- " Determine why you lost, identify new paths, and seize the right opportunity"
- To survive you need at least one believer.
- "It’s easier to create new dreams than to cling to broken ones Adversity alters relationships and may even ruin them. It destroys some dreams and renders others unlikely. Certain things will be irrevocably lost, and pretending otherwise is foolish. But adversity also provides an opportunity to houseclean—to pack old"
February 11, 2023
Introduction
On Mental Toughness is a collection of ten essays originally published in the Harvard Business Review on you guessed it, mental toughness. Each of these ten articles has been hand selected to create a collection of impactful readings on building resilience and thriving in life. When it comes right down to it, we can all use some help to strengthen our ability to be resilient and bounce back from setbacks.
Why You Should Read This Book?
Mental toughness and overall grit are some of the more important characteristics that we need to develop and maintain. Life is full of ups and downs from both a personal and professional setting, and the only way to successfully navigate these rollercoasters is through mental toughness. The ten articles within this book will help facilitate your improvement in the area of mental toughness. The following is a quick summary/overview of the ten articles within this book:
1. How the Best of the Best Get Better and Better: you have to make the choice to devote yourself passionately to self-improvement and seek out competition that will push you to your max.
2. Crucibles of Leadership: one of the most reliable indicators and predictors of true leadership is an individual’s ability to find meaning in negative events and learn from even the most trying circumstances.
3. Building Resilience: the personas of Douglas and Walter help us realize that optimism in the face of failure is one of life’s most important characteristics. Without it, resilience in the face of adversity is improbable.
4. Cognitive Fitness: a state of optimized ability to reason, remember, learn, plan, and adapt that is enhanced by certain attitudes, lifestyle choices, and exercises. Cognitive fitness is directly correlated with better decision-making, problem-solving, and stress management.
5. The Making of a Corporate Athlete: every corporate athlete needs to subscribe to the ideas within the High-Performance Pyramid.
6. Stress Can Be a Good Thing If You Know How to Use It: we all need to redefine our relationship with stress shifting our view to “Stress is Enhancing” rather than “Stress is Bad.” Purposefully acknowledging stress lets us pause our visceral reaction, and allows us to choose a more enhancing response.
7. How to Bounce Back from Adversity: we have to learn to turn negative experiences into productive ones through resilience. Psychological resilience is the capacity to respond quickly and constructively to crises.
8. Rebounding from Career Setbacks: determine why you lost, identify new paths, and seize the right opportunity when it’s within your reach.
9. Realizing What You’re Made Of: toughness and resilience is not the same thing. Resilience is not about deflecting challenges but about absorbing them and rebounding stronger than before.
10. Extreme Negotiations: five highly effective strategies for extreme negotiations: (1) understand the big picture, (2) uncover hidden agendas and collaborate with the other side, (3) get genuine buy-in, (4) build relationships that are based on trust rather than fear, and (5) pay attention to process as well as desired outcomes.
You should read this book if you are interested in learning some simple traits and effective tools to improve your overall resilience and mental toughness. When it comes right down to it, we can all use some help to strengthen our ability to be resilient and bounce back from setbacks, and this book gives you some things to start on.
Final Thoughts
The goal of On Mental Toughness is to help people become more resilient in their day-to-day lives, but sometimes the hype is better than the actual product. On Mental Toughness falls into this bucket for me. While the subject matter is very interesting and the book is compiled in an easy-to-digest fashion, it falls short of being massively impactful. When you expect a book to hit a home run, singles, and doubles are a little less than appealing. It’s still worth reading especially the 5th Essay on “The Making of a Corporate Athlete.”
Deeper dive into "The Making of a Corporate Athlete"
Easy to Read: (4.5/5) 90%
Deep Content: (3/5) 60%
Overall Rating: (3/5) 60%
On Mental Toughness is a collection of ten essays originally published in the Harvard Business Review on you guessed it, mental toughness. Each of these ten articles has been hand selected to create a collection of impactful readings on building resilience and thriving in life. When it comes right down to it, we can all use some help to strengthen our ability to be resilient and bounce back from setbacks.
Why You Should Read This Book?
Mental toughness and overall grit are some of the more important characteristics that we need to develop and maintain. Life is full of ups and downs from both a personal and professional setting, and the only way to successfully navigate these rollercoasters is through mental toughness. The ten articles within this book will help facilitate your improvement in the area of mental toughness. The following is a quick summary/overview of the ten articles within this book:
1. How the Best of the Best Get Better and Better: you have to make the choice to devote yourself passionately to self-improvement and seek out competition that will push you to your max.
2. Crucibles of Leadership: one of the most reliable indicators and predictors of true leadership is an individual’s ability to find meaning in negative events and learn from even the most trying circumstances.
3. Building Resilience: the personas of Douglas and Walter help us realize that optimism in the face of failure is one of life’s most important characteristics. Without it, resilience in the face of adversity is improbable.
4. Cognitive Fitness: a state of optimized ability to reason, remember, learn, plan, and adapt that is enhanced by certain attitudes, lifestyle choices, and exercises. Cognitive fitness is directly correlated with better decision-making, problem-solving, and stress management.
5. The Making of a Corporate Athlete: every corporate athlete needs to subscribe to the ideas within the High-Performance Pyramid.
6. Stress Can Be a Good Thing If You Know How to Use It: we all need to redefine our relationship with stress shifting our view to “Stress is Enhancing” rather than “Stress is Bad.” Purposefully acknowledging stress lets us pause our visceral reaction, and allows us to choose a more enhancing response.
7. How to Bounce Back from Adversity: we have to learn to turn negative experiences into productive ones through resilience. Psychological resilience is the capacity to respond quickly and constructively to crises.
8. Rebounding from Career Setbacks: determine why you lost, identify new paths, and seize the right opportunity when it’s within your reach.
9. Realizing What You’re Made Of: toughness and resilience is not the same thing. Resilience is not about deflecting challenges but about absorbing them and rebounding stronger than before.
10. Extreme Negotiations: five highly effective strategies for extreme negotiations: (1) understand the big picture, (2) uncover hidden agendas and collaborate with the other side, (3) get genuine buy-in, (4) build relationships that are based on trust rather than fear, and (5) pay attention to process as well as desired outcomes.
You should read this book if you are interested in learning some simple traits and effective tools to improve your overall resilience and mental toughness. When it comes right down to it, we can all use some help to strengthen our ability to be resilient and bounce back from setbacks, and this book gives you some things to start on.
Final Thoughts
The goal of On Mental Toughness is to help people become more resilient in their day-to-day lives, but sometimes the hype is better than the actual product. On Mental Toughness falls into this bucket for me. While the subject matter is very interesting and the book is compiled in an easy-to-digest fashion, it falls short of being massively impactful. When you expect a book to hit a home run, singles, and doubles are a little less than appealing. It’s still worth reading especially the 5th Essay on “The Making of a Corporate Athlete.”
Deeper dive into "The Making of a Corporate Athlete"
Easy to Read: (4.5/5) 90%
Deep Content: (3/5) 60%
Overall Rating: (3/5) 60%
January 17, 2023
I picked this up at an airport several months ago en route to a conference, thinking it would be good plane reading, and informative for me personally and professionally. I was finally able to read it today, in a day. Harvard Business Review (HBR) has a voice to their articles that is direct and insightful, so it's easy to turn the pages.
I'd say "toughness" here doesn't apply exactly to the dictionary definition of toughness, which has to do with one's ability to withstand adverse conditions. But rather, one's ability to holistically navigate life's challenges. Physical health is cited numerous times in terms of its benefits on focus, energy, stamina, creativity, and even neurogenesis.
A related concept to neurogenesis that I love, and a new word that I learned is "neoteny" - which is "the retention of juvenile characteristics in the adults of a species", including "energy, curiosity, and confidence", often through "reinvention" (p.18). The concept of neoteny reminds me of a music video by Woodkid, called "Iron": spoiler alert, the video ends on a scene of a child lying in repose, wearing a crown, in a palace high above the clouds. Below him waging war are animals and human adults, some even reciting something apparently religious. It's subjective and interpretations differ, but I interpret the message of the song as one of encouragement to preserve the innocence of our soul - to fight to protect idealism, and avoid becoming either naive or jaded.
I noticed the publication date of each article in this book, whether it was published before or after 9/11. The US changed socially and economically after 9/11. The case studies having to do with war, especially in Afghanistan, need to have a big asterisk next to them: in terms of building relationships and trust, these case studies in building effective business relationships are not appropriate for war. Successful business and a successful war have clear strategy and outcome. Our problem is that since 9/11, we increasingly view war as a profit-making enterprise, rather than an expenditure that is costly in terms of lives and relationships. The strategy and purpose of war have become so convoluted in our day and age, that this book gave ironic examples of us trying to make friends with enemy combatants during war. I hope our policymakers realize that you cannot create peace during war, and this "doublethink" (see Orwell, 1984) has drained our national budget and our influence in the world.
I'd say "toughness" here doesn't apply exactly to the dictionary definition of toughness, which has to do with one's ability to withstand adverse conditions. But rather, one's ability to holistically navigate life's challenges. Physical health is cited numerous times in terms of its benefits on focus, energy, stamina, creativity, and even neurogenesis.
A related concept to neurogenesis that I love, and a new word that I learned is "neoteny" - which is "the retention of juvenile characteristics in the adults of a species", including "energy, curiosity, and confidence", often through "reinvention" (p.18). The concept of neoteny reminds me of a music video by Woodkid, called "Iron": spoiler alert, the video ends on a scene of a child lying in repose, wearing a crown, in a palace high above the clouds. Below him waging war are animals and human adults, some even reciting something apparently religious. It's subjective and interpretations differ, but I interpret the message of the song as one of encouragement to preserve the innocence of our soul - to fight to protect idealism, and avoid becoming either naive or jaded.
I noticed the publication date of each article in this book, whether it was published before or after 9/11. The US changed socially and economically after 9/11. The case studies having to do with war, especially in Afghanistan, need to have a big asterisk next to them: in terms of building relationships and trust, these case studies in building effective business relationships are not appropriate for war. Successful business and a successful war have clear strategy and outcome. Our problem is that since 9/11, we increasingly view war as a profit-making enterprise, rather than an expenditure that is costly in terms of lives and relationships. The strategy and purpose of war have become so convoluted in our day and age, that this book gave ironic examples of us trying to make friends with enemy combatants during war. I hope our policymakers realize that you cannot create peace during war, and this "doublethink" (see Orwell, 1984) has drained our national budget and our influence in the world.
August 2, 2019
This book clearly got into my hands these days for a reason...
I do believe in post-traumatic growth even more now.
Life's adversities are like broken bones for me .. hurts at the beginning, but when the bone grows together again, it's stronger then ever before.
I do believe in post-traumatic growth even more now.
Life's adversities are like broken bones for me .. hurts at the beginning, but when the bone grows together again, it's stronger then ever before.
May 9, 2022
Kind of a random read. Pretty short and to the point but what really was the point? No real lasting tips that I took away
May 3, 2018
In my current attempt at helping myself get a promotion at work, reading management books alongside taking management courses online, hopefully this will work (something has to eventually right?). This was a very interesting collection of essays about 'mental toughness' usually in regards to things like 'crucibles'; which is a term for a "super crazy crappy moment that happened that tested everything about me - who I am, what I am, my resolve, etc.". And then how do we handle ourselves, our surroundings, etc, afterwards of this crucible. Do we get PTSD or do we overcome the adversity? Do we get "post-traumatic growth" or "post-traumatic stress". A lot of the articles were based around the military and military practices and training of drill sergeants and similar personnel.
A very well rounded, informative, educational read. Worth the pickup at the library definitely and made me interested in others of the HBR's '10 Must Reads' series.
A very well rounded, informative, educational read. Worth the pickup at the library definitely and made me interested in others of the HBR's '10 Must Reads' series.
October 29, 2018
Quick and impactful read. The kind of book I would go back to and revisit specific chapters based on my environment and the circumstances around me. Offers actionable takeaways. Should be required reading for all managers, but there’s a lot to take away as an employee too.
February 20, 2021
A Quick read but not amazing
Some interesting thought nuggets in this collection of stories. Some of the stories are inspiring, some are less inspiring. On to the next one.
Some interesting thought nuggets in this collection of stories. Some of the stories are inspiring, some are less inspiring. On to the next one.
November 18, 2024
Been picking up books in the office // boo. a narrow minded view of mental health
July 30, 2021
Toughen up your mental capabilities on your path to becoming a leader!
If you are looking for a book containing fast ways to increase your self-resilience in the face of challenging situations, then "On Mental Toughness" is for you. Selected scholarly articles dealing with tactics on how to persevere in personal, business, and even military environments are presented in this book.
Part of the "HBR's 10 Must Reads" book collection, this book concentrates on the idea of using pressure to your advantage. Whether short or long-term, the troubles you are facing can be creatively funneled into good outcomes simply by using them to make things better. The authors of each article give real life examples of families going through hard times, managers and employees coping with stressfull situations at work, and soldiers using key negotiation skills with foreign citizens in the battlefield. Some of these stories are relatable and the strategies can be implemented in your life regardless of the setting.
There are times where the strategies discussed need further exploration. That is to be expected since this book is simply a collection of chosen articles; I would have liked to see a page or two listing further reading on the topic of mental toughness. Readers will need to do their own further research after they are finished reading the book.
Otherwise, "On Mental Toughness" works quite well as a light inspiring self-help book. It is also a great resource for people studying psychology. Good stuff!
If you are looking for a book containing fast ways to increase your self-resilience in the face of challenging situations, then "On Mental Toughness" is for you. Selected scholarly articles dealing with tactics on how to persevere in personal, business, and even military environments are presented in this book.
Part of the "HBR's 10 Must Reads" book collection, this book concentrates on the idea of using pressure to your advantage. Whether short or long-term, the troubles you are facing can be creatively funneled into good outcomes simply by using them to make things better. The authors of each article give real life examples of families going through hard times, managers and employees coping with stressfull situations at work, and soldiers using key negotiation skills with foreign citizens in the battlefield. Some of these stories are relatable and the strategies can be implemented in your life regardless of the setting.
There are times where the strategies discussed need further exploration. That is to be expected since this book is simply a collection of chosen articles; I would have liked to see a page or two listing further reading on the topic of mental toughness. Readers will need to do their own further research after they are finished reading the book.
Otherwise, "On Mental Toughness" works quite well as a light inspiring self-help book. It is also a great resource for people studying psychology. Good stuff!
May 15, 2025
Overall, this was a pretty solid book. I found myself really enjoying reading several of the articles and learning a lot. While you could definitely make an argument for some of the articles being dated, I think that nearly all the content in this book could be applied pretty universally, across the decade span. Not necessarily a must read, but very interesting.
Read
May 30, 2023um i didn't like how this framed the principle of a girls' school getting called repeatedly by the Taliban "harassment" but otherwise it was kinda helpful ig
April 8, 2025
I picked this book up from the airport while traveling. It has some good points in it and is very digestible. It also has a bit of a military component to it. Decent.
May 4, 2025
Was just a 3 min sample on Spotify
November 5, 2025
It was ok
February 19, 2025
How many damned military references can you include in 10 essays? The number is limitless clearly
November 18, 2025
Mi-a plăcut foarte mult pentru ca ideile “mari” au fost exprimate simplu. Nu e o carte de o profunzime extraordinară dar merită cititã pentru fitnessul fizic, emotional, mental și spiritual.
July 3, 2021
Good reading, includes alot of new information I enjoyed it.
November 2, 2021
A couple good articles and some other generic self-help stuff.
October 2, 2022
Will keep this one in my collection to refer back to. I felt motivated by this read.
Key takeaways from each article:
How the Best of the Best Get Better and Better
- See pressure as motivation, not stressful.
- Train with the best, even if they are your competition.
- Don't let short-term failures discourage you from your long-term goal.
- Actually take the time to celebrate your victories.
Crucibles of Leadership
- A crucible in this context is an often rough, life-changing event in your career — a turning-point. See each set-back as an opportunity for positive change.
Building Resilience
- Focus on positive psychology — what are your strengths? What is going well? How can I spin this for a positive outcome?
Cognitive Fitness
- A great cognitive exercise is a "walkabout" - getting out of your chair and conversing with employees, especially ones in other departments.
- Experiment and play. This often requires quiet alone time for thought.
- Learn a variety of skills unrelated to your job that are mentally enriching, such as playing an instrument, learning a sport, or conversing in a new language.
The Making of a Corporate Athlete
- Do all the things that you already know are good for you, including: getting regular rest, taking breaks throughout the day, working out, eating right.
Stress Can Be a Good Thing if You Know How to Use It
- Stress is a reminder that we care.
- Acknowledge when you are stressed. Reframe it as excitement.
- "It's just another cold, dark night on the side of Everest."
- Stress can "facilitate the acquisition of mental toughness, deeper social bonds, heightened awareness, new perspectives, a sense of greater appreciation for life, a sense of meaning, and strengthened priorities."
How to Bounce Back from Adversity
- Best article in the book. Has a helpful exercise; it is a mindset that must be practiced.
- Resilience: the capacity to respond quickly and constructively to crises. Move quickly from analysis to a plan of action.
- Consider the following: what can you control right now? What positive impact might your actions have? Can the crisis be contained? How long will the crisis and its repercussions really last?
Rebounding from Career Setbacks
- Start by being humble and figure out why you lost.
- Identify new paths forward.
- Seize new opportunities that may come your way as you are building the next phase of your life.
Realizing What You're Made Of
- Story of someone who suddenly was paralyzed and how they made the best of it.
- "You don't have to like or somehow justify what's happened. You just have to decide that you can live with it."
- You can't control what happens, but you can control how you respond.
- Adversity has a funny way of "crystallizing the truth"; loss amplifies the value of what remains.
- Remember that your happiness is more important than righting injustices.
Extreme Negotiations
- Gave + and - ways to handle negotiations in tough, military situations where pressure and risk felt high.
- Pause before reacting. Get the big picture first. Lead with curiosity, not judgement.
- Build or rebuild trust through respect, understanding, and reciprocal commitments.
- Don't assume there are only two options or outcomes in any situation.
Post-Traumatic Growth and Building Resilience
- This was in the format of an interview. For a better experience, there is an episode of Hidden Brain about this very topic.
- Post-traumatic growth describes the process of becoming a stronger person after a traumatic event. It almost always follows normal trauma responses like emotional upset.
- It is not widely discussed and therefore not actively recognized by most people; the author hopes to change that through programs in schools and the military.
Key takeaways from each article:
How the Best of the Best Get Better and Better
- See pressure as motivation, not stressful.
- Train with the best, even if they are your competition.
- Don't let short-term failures discourage you from your long-term goal.
- Actually take the time to celebrate your victories.
Crucibles of Leadership
- A crucible in this context is an often rough, life-changing event in your career — a turning-point. See each set-back as an opportunity for positive change.
Building Resilience
- Focus on positive psychology — what are your strengths? What is going well? How can I spin this for a positive outcome?
Cognitive Fitness
- A great cognitive exercise is a "walkabout" - getting out of your chair and conversing with employees, especially ones in other departments.
- Experiment and play. This often requires quiet alone time for thought.
- Learn a variety of skills unrelated to your job that are mentally enriching, such as playing an instrument, learning a sport, or conversing in a new language.
The Making of a Corporate Athlete
- Do all the things that you already know are good for you, including: getting regular rest, taking breaks throughout the day, working out, eating right.
Stress Can Be a Good Thing if You Know How to Use It
- Stress is a reminder that we care.
- Acknowledge when you are stressed. Reframe it as excitement.
- "It's just another cold, dark night on the side of Everest."
- Stress can "facilitate the acquisition of mental toughness, deeper social bonds, heightened awareness, new perspectives, a sense of greater appreciation for life, a sense of meaning, and strengthened priorities."
How to Bounce Back from Adversity
- Best article in the book. Has a helpful exercise; it is a mindset that must be practiced.
- Resilience: the capacity to respond quickly and constructively to crises. Move quickly from analysis to a plan of action.
- Consider the following: what can you control right now? What positive impact might your actions have? Can the crisis be contained? How long will the crisis and its repercussions really last?
Rebounding from Career Setbacks
- Start by being humble and figure out why you lost.
- Identify new paths forward.
- Seize new opportunities that may come your way as you are building the next phase of your life.
Realizing What You're Made Of
- Story of someone who suddenly was paralyzed and how they made the best of it.
- "You don't have to like or somehow justify what's happened. You just have to decide that you can live with it."
- You can't control what happens, but you can control how you respond.
- Adversity has a funny way of "crystallizing the truth"; loss amplifies the value of what remains.
- Remember that your happiness is more important than righting injustices.
Extreme Negotiations
- Gave + and - ways to handle negotiations in tough, military situations where pressure and risk felt high.
- Pause before reacting. Get the big picture first. Lead with curiosity, not judgement.
- Build or rebuild trust through respect, understanding, and reciprocal commitments.
- Don't assume there are only two options or outcomes in any situation.
Post-Traumatic Growth and Building Resilience
- This was in the format of an interview. For a better experience, there is an episode of Hidden Brain about this very topic.
- Post-traumatic growth describes the process of becoming a stronger person after a traumatic event. It almost always follows normal trauma responses like emotional upset.
- It is not widely discussed and therefore not actively recognized by most people; the author hopes to change that through programs in schools and the military.
December 10, 2019
Fantastic topics on mental fortitude. A few folks already neatly summarized key points in other reviews, but here were my main takeaways:
1) You have the power to change your mindset (and your life). To strengthen your resilience, shift from reflexive, cause-oriented thinking to active, response-oriented thinking. The below are active, response-oriented questions rather than brooding on the causes.
- CONTROL: What features of your situation can you improve, or even try to improve?
- IMPACT: What kind of positive impact can you have on what happens next?
- BREADTH: How can you contain the negatives of the situation and generate currently unseen positives?
- DURATION: What can I do to begin addressing the problem now?
2) When having conversations with people, especially where you may disagree, focus on understanding their perspective. Don't assume the other side is biased, but you're not. Don't assume their intentions. Instead, be curious - understand the situation from their view. Be humble - ask what you have wrong. Be open-minded - ask yourself if there is another way to explain the situation.
3) Post-traumatic growth is a very real thing. Difficult obstacles arise, but what happens next depends on your mindset. Every challenge is an opportunity for positive change.
1) You have the power to change your mindset (and your life). To strengthen your resilience, shift from reflexive, cause-oriented thinking to active, response-oriented thinking. The below are active, response-oriented questions rather than brooding on the causes.
- CONTROL: What features of your situation can you improve, or even try to improve?
- IMPACT: What kind of positive impact can you have on what happens next?
- BREADTH: How can you contain the negatives of the situation and generate currently unseen positives?
- DURATION: What can I do to begin addressing the problem now?
2) When having conversations with people, especially where you may disagree, focus on understanding their perspective. Don't assume the other side is biased, but you're not. Don't assume their intentions. Instead, be curious - understand the situation from their view. Be humble - ask what you have wrong. Be open-minded - ask yourself if there is another way to explain the situation.
3) Post-traumatic growth is a very real thing. Difficult obstacles arise, but what happens next depends on your mindset. Every challenge is an opportunity for positive change.
May 9, 2018
Great short afternoon read. Rational and objective strategies for the workplace. Key takeaways:
-Always sit with the smartest person in the room, and if you are the smartest, change the room.
- Don't quit working on strengths
- Negative experiences aren't supposed to be the end of the world.
- Adversity will hit, just let it affect you based on importance
- Greatest mental workout- learning to play a musical instrument.
- There is a difference between exceptionally great performers and a regular high achievers.
- What would the person I look up to do in this situation
- Neural workouts are emphatic for growth
-People who don’t give up have a interpret a losing situation as temporary, local, and changeable.
-Motivation in the most cliche terms is not over rated. It is important.
- Getting to the top- train with the best.
- Goals setting isn't taxable. If you don't achieve one, make new ones, just don't forget identifying what the cause of the failure was.
-Make and interpret notes - REGULARLY IN SHOUTY CAPITALS
-Always sit with the smartest person in the room, and if you are the smartest, change the room.
- Don't quit working on strengths
- Negative experiences aren't supposed to be the end of the world.
- Adversity will hit, just let it affect you based on importance
- Greatest mental workout- learning to play a musical instrument.
- There is a difference between exceptionally great performers and a regular high achievers.
- What would the person I look up to do in this situation
- Neural workouts are emphatic for growth
-People who don’t give up have a interpret a losing situation as temporary, local, and changeable.
-Motivation in the most cliche terms is not over rated. It is important.
- Getting to the top- train with the best.
- Goals setting isn't taxable. If you don't achieve one, make new ones, just don't forget identifying what the cause of the failure was.
-Make and interpret notes - REGULARLY IN SHOUTY CAPITALS
March 22, 2020
This is an exceptional book, especially for leaders. As a naval officer who has had several challenging assignments, I am always looking for ways to toughen up (me and my Sailors). The essays in this compilation are written by business/military leaders, coaches, academics, etc. They are relatively short and packed with ideas and best practices. My favorite article was "Stress Can Be a Good Thing if You Know How to Use It." There is a passage about how "owning your stress" can motivate. "A metaphor we often use to describe this state is "It's just a cold, dark night on the side of Everest." If you were climbing Mt. Everest, you could imagine that there might be some cold, dark nights on your journey up. But what did you expect - that climbing Everest would be a walk in the park? Do you really expect that raising a child, running a business, living a life of impact would be easy? Owning your stress won't necessarily make those cold, dark nights go away but they will likely be a bit more tolerable as you discover a sense of motivation and meaning."
July 27, 2019
This was a tremendous read that gave me further wisdom and insight into building resilience and rebounding from failure. As humans, we inevitably face failures / downfalls small or big, frequently or randomly - yet some of us get trapped in the initial emotional 'response' stage of the hardship while others successfully rise from the failure. This book has given me wisdom into how the hardest part, yet the most critical part to recovery, is 'acceptance'; you have the option to accept setbacks as they occur, move on, and create new possibilities. Because failure happens to all of us and "it's fruitless to wish you could change the past, and it's overwhelming to obsess about the future". But you can choose to focus on things over which you can control - the present. So if failure happens, accept/absorb that setback and be resilient because what doesn't kill you will make you stronger.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
September 4, 2022
This book found me in an airport, after one of the wildest 12 months I’d ever seen. I found solace reading an instruction manual on how to bounce back after taking a few punches in 2021/2022.
The book reads like a scientific review article, making it instructive and easy to follow. With summarizing charts and just the right amount of anecdotes, I found it quite useful. I’ve implemented quite a few of these lessons into my career and personal life.
If you’re looking for a some education on how to become a more stronger force in your career, this truly is (as the title states) a must-read.
The book reads like a scientific review article, making it instructive and easy to follow. With summarizing charts and just the right amount of anecdotes, I found it quite useful. I’ve implemented quite a few of these lessons into my career and personal life.
If you’re looking for a some education on how to become a more stronger force in your career, this truly is (as the title states) a must-read.
April 6, 2021
While I think this is a good read and is written by people a lot smarter than myself, I didn't find any of their papers that insightful. Most of it seemed to be simply common sense. This would probably be a good book to read prior to starting a managerial job later on in life.
November 29, 2024
Several very interesting articles here.
Here’s a summary of the most important, helpful, and insightful points:
---
1. "How Resilience Works" by Diane L. Coutu
Resilience depends on three traits:
Facing Reality: Confronting hard truths without denial or wishful thinking.
Finding Meaning: Seeing adversity as an opportunity to grow, learn, or redefine purpose.
Improvisation: Adapting creatively with available resources.
Insight: Resilience isn’t just a personality trait; it’s a learned capability that blends optimism with practical thinking.
---
2. "How to Bounce Back from Adversity" by Joshua D. Margolis and Paul G. Stoltz
Use the Adversity Quotient (AQ) framework:
1. Control: Focus on what you can influence.
2. Ownership: Take responsibility for your contribution.
3. Reach: Contain the problem to prevent spillover into other areas of life.
4. Endurance: Keep a long-term perspective to avoid being overwhelmed by immediate stress.
Insight: AQ helps individuals frame adversity constructively and build a proactive response.
---
3. "Crucibles of Leadership" by Warren G. Bennis and Robert J. Thomas
Crucibles (adverse life-changing experiences) test leaders but also forge their character.
Resilient leaders emerge stronger by:
Finding meaning in adversity.
Developing a compelling narrative of survival and growth.
Insight: Adversity isn’t just a challenge but a foundational experience for great leadership.
---
4. "Building Resilience" by Martin E.P. Seligman
Focus on learned optimism:
Avoid overgeneralizing negative events.
Reframe challenges with a growth mindset.
Use Seligman’s ABCDE model to challenge negative thoughts:
1. Adversity: Identify the challenge.
2. Belief: Recognize your automatic interpretation.
3. Consequence: Assess emotional and behavioral outcomes.
4. Disputation: Challenge limiting beliefs with evidence.
5. Energization: Reframe with a more positive outlook.
Insight: Resilience comes from learning to reinterpret events constructively.
---
5. "The Making of a Corporate Athlete" by Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz
Energy management is more critical than time management for sustained performance.
Develop resilience through:
1. Physical: Prioritize sleep, exercise, and nutrition.
2. Emotional: Cultivate positive emotions.
3. Mental: Stay focused and practice mindfulness.
4. Spiritual: Connect work to a larger purpose.
Insight: Peak performance and resilience rely on balancing energy across multiple dimensions.
---
6. "Stress Can Be a Good Thing If You Know How to Use It" by Alia Crum and Thomas Crum
Stress is a mindset: Reframe stress as a tool for growth and productivity rather than a threat.
Use stress to build:
Resilience through controlled exposure.
Focus by channeling stress into purposeful action.
Insight: Stress doesn’t have to be harmful; how you perceive and use it determines its impact.
---
7. "Fear of Failure" by Amy Edmondson
Failure isn’t the enemy; it’s how you handle failure that matters.
Differentiate between:
Preventable failures (avoidable through diligence).
Unavoidable failures (complex situations or experiments).
Foster a psychologically safe environment where learning from failure is encouraged.
Insight: Building resilience involves normalizing failure as a stepping stone to improvement.
---
8. "What Makes a Leader?" by Daniel Goleman
Emotional intelligence (EI) is foundational for mental toughness:
1. Self-awareness: Recognize and regulate emotions.
2. Self-regulation: Stay calm and composed under pressure.
3. Empathy: Understand and relate to others’ emotions.
4. Motivation: Stay driven by purpose, not fear or ego.
5. Social skills: Build strong, supportive relationships.
Insight: Mental toughness isn’t just individual—it’s relational and deeply connected to EI.
---
9. "Cognitive Fitness" by Roderick Gilkey and Clint Kilts
Enhance resilience through mental exercises:
Learn new skills to create cognitive flexibility.
Develop mindfulness practices to manage stress.
Engage in reflection and storytelling to strengthen memory.
Insight: A fit mind is better equipped to handle adversity and make sound decisions under pressure.
---
10. "Realizing What You're Made Of" by Glenn E. Mangurian
Mental toughness often stems from discovering hidden strengths during adversity.
To build resilience:
Focus on what remains within your control.
Lean on relationships and networks for support.
Create a compelling vision of your future self.
Insight: Adversity reveals untapped reservoirs of strength, often leading to personal reinvention.
---
Key Themes Across the Book:
1. Growth Through Adversity: Tough times can be transformative when approached constructively.
2. Mindset Matters: Reframing stress and adversity shapes your emotional and physical responses.
3. Emotional Intelligence: Resilience depends on managing emotions, building empathy, and nurturing relationships.
4. Energy and Cognitive Health: Physical energy, mindfulness, and mental fitness are critical for peak performance and enduring challenges.
By integrating these lessons, leaders and individuals can develop the resilience and mental toughness necessary to thrive under pressure.
Here’s a summary of the most important, helpful, and insightful points:
---
1. "How Resilience Works" by Diane L. Coutu
Resilience depends on three traits:
Facing Reality: Confronting hard truths without denial or wishful thinking.
Finding Meaning: Seeing adversity as an opportunity to grow, learn, or redefine purpose.
Improvisation: Adapting creatively with available resources.
Insight: Resilience isn’t just a personality trait; it’s a learned capability that blends optimism with practical thinking.
---
2. "How to Bounce Back from Adversity" by Joshua D. Margolis and Paul G. Stoltz
Use the Adversity Quotient (AQ) framework:
1. Control: Focus on what you can influence.
2. Ownership: Take responsibility for your contribution.
3. Reach: Contain the problem to prevent spillover into other areas of life.
4. Endurance: Keep a long-term perspective to avoid being overwhelmed by immediate stress.
Insight: AQ helps individuals frame adversity constructively and build a proactive response.
---
3. "Crucibles of Leadership" by Warren G. Bennis and Robert J. Thomas
Crucibles (adverse life-changing experiences) test leaders but also forge their character.
Resilient leaders emerge stronger by:
Finding meaning in adversity.
Developing a compelling narrative of survival and growth.
Insight: Adversity isn’t just a challenge but a foundational experience for great leadership.
---
4. "Building Resilience" by Martin E.P. Seligman
Focus on learned optimism:
Avoid overgeneralizing negative events.
Reframe challenges with a growth mindset.
Use Seligman’s ABCDE model to challenge negative thoughts:
1. Adversity: Identify the challenge.
2. Belief: Recognize your automatic interpretation.
3. Consequence: Assess emotional and behavioral outcomes.
4. Disputation: Challenge limiting beliefs with evidence.
5. Energization: Reframe with a more positive outlook.
Insight: Resilience comes from learning to reinterpret events constructively.
---
5. "The Making of a Corporate Athlete" by Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz
Energy management is more critical than time management for sustained performance.
Develop resilience through:
1. Physical: Prioritize sleep, exercise, and nutrition.
2. Emotional: Cultivate positive emotions.
3. Mental: Stay focused and practice mindfulness.
4. Spiritual: Connect work to a larger purpose.
Insight: Peak performance and resilience rely on balancing energy across multiple dimensions.
---
6. "Stress Can Be a Good Thing If You Know How to Use It" by Alia Crum and Thomas Crum
Stress is a mindset: Reframe stress as a tool for growth and productivity rather than a threat.
Use stress to build:
Resilience through controlled exposure.
Focus by channeling stress into purposeful action.
Insight: Stress doesn’t have to be harmful; how you perceive and use it determines its impact.
---
7. "Fear of Failure" by Amy Edmondson
Failure isn’t the enemy; it’s how you handle failure that matters.
Differentiate between:
Preventable failures (avoidable through diligence).
Unavoidable failures (complex situations or experiments).
Foster a psychologically safe environment where learning from failure is encouraged.
Insight: Building resilience involves normalizing failure as a stepping stone to improvement.
---
8. "What Makes a Leader?" by Daniel Goleman
Emotional intelligence (EI) is foundational for mental toughness:
1. Self-awareness: Recognize and regulate emotions.
2. Self-regulation: Stay calm and composed under pressure.
3. Empathy: Understand and relate to others’ emotions.
4. Motivation: Stay driven by purpose, not fear or ego.
5. Social skills: Build strong, supportive relationships.
Insight: Mental toughness isn’t just individual—it’s relational and deeply connected to EI.
---
9. "Cognitive Fitness" by Roderick Gilkey and Clint Kilts
Enhance resilience through mental exercises:
Learn new skills to create cognitive flexibility.
Develop mindfulness practices to manage stress.
Engage in reflection and storytelling to strengthen memory.
Insight: A fit mind is better equipped to handle adversity and make sound decisions under pressure.
---
10. "Realizing What You're Made Of" by Glenn E. Mangurian
Mental toughness often stems from discovering hidden strengths during adversity.
To build resilience:
Focus on what remains within your control.
Lean on relationships and networks for support.
Create a compelling vision of your future self.
Insight: Adversity reveals untapped reservoirs of strength, often leading to personal reinvention.
---
Key Themes Across the Book:
1. Growth Through Adversity: Tough times can be transformative when approached constructively.
2. Mindset Matters: Reframing stress and adversity shapes your emotional and physical responses.
3. Emotional Intelligence: Resilience depends on managing emotions, building empathy, and nurturing relationships.
4. Energy and Cognitive Health: Physical energy, mindfulness, and mental fitness are critical for peak performance and enduring challenges.
By integrating these lessons, leaders and individuals can develop the resilience and mental toughness necessary to thrive under pressure.
December 11, 2021
I mark a self-help book by how many, (by quantity & quality), strategies are there in the book to cope me with life. This book has a lot. I will go from chapter to chapter & write the cherries of the lessons, tricks & tips which are used to cope with life. It is to be mentioned that there are different writers for every chapter.
First Chapter : This chapter talks about being driven from inside. This chapter proposes the idea that top performers of competitive arenas don't care what other peoples are saying about them. They’re too busy to focus in their own process & outcome. Thus, their urge to get better, get ahead is wholeheartedly driven from inside & they could not care less about others tell about them.
Top performers also focus on what they can control, nevertheless they maintain a strong will to win, even if the situation seems against the odds. Writer of this chapter has given the example of Olympics here. Top performers of every country gather in Olympics to compete for medals. They train very hard for 4 years and yet most of them go back without winning any medals. Such is the way of life. If we want to win, we must give our heart & soul but still can come back without gaining, but we must keep going and trying harder more than ever.
Lessons -
1. Focus on what you can control in adversity.
2. Don’t care about what others think of you. You must use your actions to impress yourself, not others.
Second Chapter : This is the most useless & shittiest chapter of this book. Basic leadership qualities rarely change over time, but the basic leadership traits mentioned in this chapter are not leadership traits at all. 1. Engaging others in shared meaning, 2. Compelling voice, 3. Integrity, 4. Adaptive Capacity are good traits for a third rated sales person, but not necessarily a leader.
Third Chapter : Nothing useful.
Fourth Chapter : Ah, I like this chapter so much. This chapter describes the function of mirror neurons and what part it does play in our life. Quoting from a website, ‘Mirror neurons allow us to learn through imitation’. Some months ago I read about a deshi cricket player where she stated that the did better in games when she imagined the moves. Not only this, but we also learn many social interactions through our mirror neurons. I have a gift to pronounce accent of any given place, which is a function of mirror neurons.
This chapter also tells the tale of a brilliant chess master who could think eight moves ahead in game. One point at his life he could only think five moves ahead. He sensed something was wrong but could not guess what it was. After his death it was found that some parts of his brain went dead before his dying. If he were any normal people, his brain could have stopped working at all. But only his love for thinking & learning saved his life, albeit with a small cost. ‘ Richard Wetherill’s case illustrates how those who are cognitively fit thanks to vigorous intellectual stimulation can be protected from the mental decline that comes with age. ’
Lesson -
1. Be open to all kind of experiences & never stop learning.
Fifth Chapter : This chapter signifies the importance of mental & physical rest, along a healthy lifestyle. Also talks about the importance of visualization in success.
Lessons -
1. Lead a healthy lifestyle. Eat, rest, sleep properly.
2. Visualize doing a (important) task before doing it.
3. Before diving down into any (important) task, ask yourself what you want out of it.
Sixth Chapter : Stress can be used in productivity if used properly. That’s it. That’s the teaching of this chapter.
Lesson -
1. When you are in stress, acknowledge that you are in stress and then continue to action/s.
Sixth Chapter : In this chapter, two emotional traps in failure are discussed. Later it is also discussed what we can do after a devastating loss, of which the frameworks are basic. ‘Deflation’ is an emotional trap in which one encounters failure after a string of successes and therefore their mental resilience starts to deflate. ‘Victimization’ is the second emotional trap in which we blame others for a failure & believe that the failure has been only caused by the significant persons/s.
According to this chapter, dynamics of a severe failure are : Impact, Breadth, Duration. Dynamics of solution to a severe failure are : Specifying, Visualizing, Collaborating. If it helps, we have to think response-oriented rather than cause-oriented. ‘ When we encounter a setback, we tend to assume that its causes are either specific to the situation or more broadly applicable, like poison that will taint everything we touch. To build up resilience,... need to stop worrying about the reach of the causes and focus instead on how to limit the damage. ’
Lessons -
1. Find out the value of Impact, Breadth, Duration in severe failure.
2. In solution to severe failure, find out value of Specifying, Visualizing, Collaborating.
3. Think response-oriented rather than cause-oriented if it helps.
4. Ask yourself if you are falling in traps of ‘Deflation’ & ‘Victimization’ in severe failure. If it is, try to get out of it.
First Chapter : This chapter talks about being driven from inside. This chapter proposes the idea that top performers of competitive arenas don't care what other peoples are saying about them. They’re too busy to focus in their own process & outcome. Thus, their urge to get better, get ahead is wholeheartedly driven from inside & they could not care less about others tell about them.
Top performers also focus on what they can control, nevertheless they maintain a strong will to win, even if the situation seems against the odds. Writer of this chapter has given the example of Olympics here. Top performers of every country gather in Olympics to compete for medals. They train very hard for 4 years and yet most of them go back without winning any medals. Such is the way of life. If we want to win, we must give our heart & soul but still can come back without gaining, but we must keep going and trying harder more than ever.
Lessons -
1. Focus on what you can control in adversity.
2. Don’t care about what others think of you. You must use your actions to impress yourself, not others.
Second Chapter : This is the most useless & shittiest chapter of this book. Basic leadership qualities rarely change over time, but the basic leadership traits mentioned in this chapter are not leadership traits at all. 1. Engaging others in shared meaning, 2. Compelling voice, 3. Integrity, 4. Adaptive Capacity are good traits for a third rated sales person, but not necessarily a leader.
Third Chapter : Nothing useful.
Fourth Chapter : Ah, I like this chapter so much. This chapter describes the function of mirror neurons and what part it does play in our life. Quoting from a website, ‘Mirror neurons allow us to learn through imitation’. Some months ago I read about a deshi cricket player where she stated that the did better in games when she imagined the moves. Not only this, but we also learn many social interactions through our mirror neurons. I have a gift to pronounce accent of any given place, which is a function of mirror neurons.
This chapter also tells the tale of a brilliant chess master who could think eight moves ahead in game. One point at his life he could only think five moves ahead. He sensed something was wrong but could not guess what it was. After his death it was found that some parts of his brain went dead before his dying. If he were any normal people, his brain could have stopped working at all. But only his love for thinking & learning saved his life, albeit with a small cost. ‘ Richard Wetherill’s case illustrates how those who are cognitively fit thanks to vigorous intellectual stimulation can be protected from the mental decline that comes with age. ’
Lesson -
1. Be open to all kind of experiences & never stop learning.
Fifth Chapter : This chapter signifies the importance of mental & physical rest, along a healthy lifestyle. Also talks about the importance of visualization in success.
Lessons -
1. Lead a healthy lifestyle. Eat, rest, sleep properly.
2. Visualize doing a (important) task before doing it.
3. Before diving down into any (important) task, ask yourself what you want out of it.
Sixth Chapter : Stress can be used in productivity if used properly. That’s it. That’s the teaching of this chapter.
Lesson -
1. When you are in stress, acknowledge that you are in stress and then continue to action/s.
Sixth Chapter : In this chapter, two emotional traps in failure are discussed. Later it is also discussed what we can do after a devastating loss, of which the frameworks are basic. ‘Deflation’ is an emotional trap in which one encounters failure after a string of successes and therefore their mental resilience starts to deflate. ‘Victimization’ is the second emotional trap in which we blame others for a failure & believe that the failure has been only caused by the significant persons/s.
According to this chapter, dynamics of a severe failure are : Impact, Breadth, Duration. Dynamics of solution to a severe failure are : Specifying, Visualizing, Collaborating. If it helps, we have to think response-oriented rather than cause-oriented. ‘ When we encounter a setback, we tend to assume that its causes are either specific to the situation or more broadly applicable, like poison that will taint everything we touch. To build up resilience,... need to stop worrying about the reach of the causes and focus instead on how to limit the damage. ’
Lessons -
1. Find out the value of Impact, Breadth, Duration in severe failure.
2. In solution to severe failure, find out value of Specifying, Visualizing, Collaborating.
3. Think response-oriented rather than cause-oriented if it helps.
4. Ask yourself if you are falling in traps of ‘Deflation’ & ‘Victimization’ in severe failure. If it is, try to get out of it.
July 9, 2019
ABCD: C (emotional consequences) stem not directly from A (adversity) but from B (one's belief's about adversity). The sergeants work through a series of A's and learn to separate B's--heat of the moment thoughts about the situation (I'm a failure) from C's, the emotions generated from those thoughts (feeling down and performing poorly). They then learn D--how to quickly and effectively dispel unrealistic beliefs about adversity" (32)
Example: overgeneralization or judging a person from a single action: "A soldier in your unit struggles to keep up during physical training and is dragging the rest of the day. His uniform looks sloppy, and he makes a couple of mistakes during artillery practice. It might be natural to think that he lacks the stuff of a soldier. But what effect does that have on both the thinker and the other soldier?" "We also discuss "icebergs"--deeply held beliefs such as "Asking for help is a sign of weakness"--and teach a technique for identifying and eliminating those that cause out-of-kilter emotional reactions: Does the iceberg remain meaningful? Is it accurate in the given situation? Is it overly rigid? Is it useful?" (33)
"minimize catastrophic thinking by considering worst-case, best-case, and most likely outcomes." For example: negative performance evaluation, follow plan, improve
"Just as positive emotions ignite the energy that drives high performance, negative emotions--frustration, impatience, anger, fear, resentment, and sadness--drain energy. Over time, these feelings can be literally toxic, elevating heart rate and blood pressure, increasing muscle tension, constricting vision, and ultimately crippling performance."
Notice stress triggers, reframe anxiety as a positive benefit, something to be "used" or employed, "own the experiences we have been through and use them to fuel our future . . . thrive, not in spite of stress but because of it." (75)
"...you can create a narrative of your trauma, arise and you can go, like Orpheus, come back from the underground and make sense of what's in the underground, and tell the world what's in the underground, that there's a reason to think there's an important enabling condition after trauma." (128)
Response-oriented thinking:
Control: What feature of this situation can I even potentially improve?
Impact: What sort of positive impact can I have on what happens next?
Breadth: How can I control the negatives of the situation and generate potentially unseen positives?
Duration: What can I do to begin addressing the problem now?
"Your happiness is more important than righting injustices." (104)
Negotiations: (108)
1. Understand the big picture
2. Uncover hidden agendas and collaborate with the other side
3. Get genuine buy-in
4. Build relationships that are based on trust rather than fear
5. Pay attention to process as well as desired outcomes
Avoid assuming. Instead:
Be curious. Help me understand the situation.
Be humble. What do I have wrong?
Be open-minded. Is there another way to explain this?
Uncover and collaborate:
Ask: Why is that important to you?
Propose solutions: Here's a possibility. What might be wrong in it?
Elicit buy-in
Appeal to fairness: what should we do?
Appeal to logic and legitimacy: I think this makes sense because...
Consider constituent perspectives: How can each of us explain this agreement to colleagues?
Be respectful.
Focus on process:
I can't agree, but I'd prefer not to walk away either.
Unless you're willing to work toward a mutually acceptable outcome, I can't afford to spend more time negotiating.
Example: overgeneralization or judging a person from a single action: "A soldier in your unit struggles to keep up during physical training and is dragging the rest of the day. His uniform looks sloppy, and he makes a couple of mistakes during artillery practice. It might be natural to think that he lacks the stuff of a soldier. But what effect does that have on both the thinker and the other soldier?" "We also discuss "icebergs"--deeply held beliefs such as "Asking for help is a sign of weakness"--and teach a technique for identifying and eliminating those that cause out-of-kilter emotional reactions: Does the iceberg remain meaningful? Is it accurate in the given situation? Is it overly rigid? Is it useful?" (33)
"minimize catastrophic thinking by considering worst-case, best-case, and most likely outcomes." For example: negative performance evaluation, follow plan, improve
"Just as positive emotions ignite the energy that drives high performance, negative emotions--frustration, impatience, anger, fear, resentment, and sadness--drain energy. Over time, these feelings can be literally toxic, elevating heart rate and blood pressure, increasing muscle tension, constricting vision, and ultimately crippling performance."
Notice stress triggers, reframe anxiety as a positive benefit, something to be "used" or employed, "own the experiences we have been through and use them to fuel our future . . . thrive, not in spite of stress but because of it." (75)
"...you can create a narrative of your trauma, arise and you can go, like Orpheus, come back from the underground and make sense of what's in the underground, and tell the world what's in the underground, that there's a reason to think there's an important enabling condition after trauma." (128)
Response-oriented thinking:
Control: What feature of this situation can I even potentially improve?
Impact: What sort of positive impact can I have on what happens next?
Breadth: How can I control the negatives of the situation and generate potentially unseen positives?
Duration: What can I do to begin addressing the problem now?
"Your happiness is more important than righting injustices." (104)
Negotiations: (108)
1. Understand the big picture
2. Uncover hidden agendas and collaborate with the other side
3. Get genuine buy-in
4. Build relationships that are based on trust rather than fear
5. Pay attention to process as well as desired outcomes
Avoid assuming. Instead:
Be curious. Help me understand the situation.
Be humble. What do I have wrong?
Be open-minded. Is there another way to explain this?
Uncover and collaborate:
Ask: Why is that important to you?
Propose solutions: Here's a possibility. What might be wrong in it?
Elicit buy-in
Appeal to fairness: what should we do?
Appeal to logic and legitimacy: I think this makes sense because...
Consider constituent perspectives: How can each of us explain this agreement to colleagues?
Be respectful.
Focus on process:
I can't agree, but I'd prefer not to walk away either.
Unless you're willing to work toward a mutually acceptable outcome, I can't afford to spend more time negotiating.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
April 11, 2020
Great book, I'd recommend this to anyone going through adversity or challenging times. Covers many topics and provides tangible actions as well as overall support.
I took notes and below are some things that stood out to me while reading.
I took notes and below are some things that stood out to me while reading.
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