What do you think?
Rate this book
The Power of Apology: Healing Steps to Transform All Your Relationships
"Fresh and useful . . . excellent practical advice . . . thorough and lucid . . . will be welcomed by many who have struggled to ask forgiveness and to forgive."
-Publishers Weekly
A finalist in the Books for a Better Life Awards competition!
Discover the healing power of apology and put its magic to work in your life
Do you have a difficult time apologizing or are you involved with someone who does?
Do you tend to overapologize and appear weak in others' eyes?
Do you want to reconcile with someone but feel they owe you an apology first?
Do you need to apologize or make amends to someone but don't know how to go about it?
In this inspiring book from internationally acclaimed therapist and self-improvement author Beverly Engel, you will learn why some people have difficulty apologizing while others tend to overapologize. You'll learn how to give a meaningful apology, how to ask for one, and how to receive one. From making amends with those you have hurt to dealing with someone who refuses to apologize to teaching children responsibility and empathy, this life-changing book shows you how to bring a healing new element of renewal into every relationship in your life.
"Beverly Engel has eloquently explained the power of apology in a remarkably insightful and perceptive manner. No one has been better able to explain what an apology means and its role in reconciliation."
-Rabbi Charles A. Klein, author of How to Forgive When You Can't Healing Our Personal Relationships
"Readers of this wise and lucid guide to the neglected art of authentic apology will acquire a powerful tool to help repair relationships with others and with themselves."
-Jeanne Safer, Ph.D., author of Forgiving and Not A New Approach to Resolving Intimate Betrayal
"An engaging and in-depth book on a subject that has rarely been addressed so intelligently and thoroughly. Ms. Engel offers the reader specific suggestions that can help you improve all your relationships."
-Steven Farmer, M.F.T., author of Adult Children of Abusive Parents
-Publishers Weekly
A finalist in the Books for a Better Life Awards competition!
Discover the healing power of apology and put its magic to work in your life
Do you have a difficult time apologizing or are you involved with someone who does?
Do you tend to overapologize and appear weak in others' eyes?
Do you want to reconcile with someone but feel they owe you an apology first?
Do you need to apologize or make amends to someone but don't know how to go about it?
In this inspiring book from internationally acclaimed therapist and self-improvement author Beverly Engel, you will learn why some people have difficulty apologizing while others tend to overapologize. You'll learn how to give a meaningful apology, how to ask for one, and how to receive one. From making amends with those you have hurt to dealing with someone who refuses to apologize to teaching children responsibility and empathy, this life-changing book shows you how to bring a healing new element of renewal into every relationship in your life.
"Beverly Engel has eloquently explained the power of apology in a remarkably insightful and perceptive manner. No one has been better able to explain what an apology means and its role in reconciliation."
-Rabbi Charles A. Klein, author of How to Forgive When You Can't Healing Our Personal Relationships
"Readers of this wise and lucid guide to the neglected art of authentic apology will acquire a powerful tool to help repair relationships with others and with themselves."
-Jeanne Safer, Ph.D., author of Forgiving and Not A New Approach to Resolving Intimate Betrayal
"An engaging and in-depth book on a subject that has rarely been addressed so intelligently and thoroughly. Ms. Engel offers the reader specific suggestions that can help you improve all your relationships."
-Steven Farmer, M.F.T., author of Adult Children of Abusive Parents
272 pages, Paperback
First published July 24, 2001
10 people are currently reading
136 people want to read
About the author
Beverly Engel
46 books229 followersBeverly Engel has been a psychotherapist for thirty years, specializing in the areas of abuse recovery, relationships, women’s issues and sexuality. She is also the best-selling author of 20 self-help books, many of which have been featured on national television and radio programs (Oprah, CNN, Ricki Lake, Starting Over) as well as national print media (O Magazine, Cosmopolitan, Ladies Home Journal, Redbook, Psychology Today, The Washington Post, The LA Times, and The Chicago Tribune to name a few).
She is considered one of the world’s leading experts on the issue of emotional abuse, as well as a pioneer on the issue, having written one of the first recovery books on the subject (The Emotionally Abused Woman).
She is considered one of the world’s leading experts on the issue of emotional abuse, as well as a pioneer on the issue, having written one of the first recovery books on the subject (The Emotionally Abused Woman).
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews
September 19, 2019
Excellent book. Good reference for people dealing with resentment regarding not getting an apology or inability to apologize to others. Covers wide range of situations. Best of the books I've read on the psychology of apology in general.
December 27, 2019
So-so, but contained a few sentences that gave a key insight I can use right now -- what more can one ask of a self-help book?
August 3, 2012
I found this book to be really helpful. As a person who is always saying "I am sorry". I realized that people who are close to me do not find my apologies to be as meaningful. This book taught me that when you apologize there are three major factors to consider. One, do you regret your action/actions? Two, are you willing to take responsibility for your actions? Three, how are you going to remedy the situation? I would recommend this book to anyone who has ever been human and really messed up.
March 22, 2019
I found this book helpful. I learned that there is more to an apology than saying “I’m sorry.” Actually there are three elements of an apology: regret; responsibility; and remedy. You should let the other person know of your regret for causing hurt, take responsibility for your actions, and let the other person know what remedy you will take regarding the issue. This will help me in the future so that when I do need to apologize, I make the other person feel better.
June 8, 2017
Helpful book... Reconciliation is so important for harmony, healing, peace love and healing to all and the universe.
Apologizing is another form of love, very important to restore love, cause love to grow and be strengthen...
It is a gift to all...the person causing the injury, the injured person and the mending of the rift in the fabric of love and oneness.
Apologizing is another form of love, very important to restore love, cause love to grow and be strengthen...
It is a gift to all...the person causing the injury, the injured person and the mending of the rift in the fabric of love and oneness.
December 5, 2019
Great premise but could have been more tightly edited. The author has some great points and some relatable examples, really expanding your perspective on apologies. Given my feelings about the way it was edited, the length was ok. I listened to the audiobook and the narration kept me interested.
I’d recommend it only if you’re really interested in the topic.
I’d recommend it only if you’re really interested in the topic.
November 28, 2020
A brief rundown of what makes up an apology, what makes it good or bad, why one might be necessary, and the massive benefits you receive just by offering a sincere apology.
Highly recommended for anyone looking to strengthen relationships of any kind.
Highly recommended for anyone looking to strengthen relationships of any kind.
Want to read
May 2, 2021As referenced in We Need to Talk: How to Have Conversations that Matter
November 8, 2021
HIGHLIGHTS:
1. Importance:
—- Apology is not just something to do to be polite. It is an important social ritual, we have shown respect and empathy for the wrong person.
— By apologizing for your oversight, mistakes, and transgressions, you will give others the respect they deserve, reinforce your resolve to treat others with more kindness, and continue to increase your level of empathy and compassion.
— When you do the honorable thing – accept responsibility for your actions and apologize to those you harmed — increase respect for yourself, which in turn increases your self-esteem and self-confidence.
— When we apologize, we humble ourselves before the person we have harmed, and this helps us to regain our dignity and our humanity. Making apologies allows us to be imperfect.
— We feel redeemed in our own eyes. We feel better about ourselves when we do the right thing.
2. Learning how to ask for an apology can be as important as learning how to gift one.
— This act in itself will be healing to you, no matter what the outcome. You’ll be free from the guilt and shame you’ve been caring around, and you against self-destruct because you’re willing and able to take responsibility for your actions.
— There is nothing more insulting than to be wronged and then be accused of lying about the situation.
— Apologizing acknowledges that the other person has a right to be upset.
— The price you will personally pay for holding onto your arrogance and refusing to admit when you’re wrong and be the loss of your marriage, the respect of your children, and the respect of those with whom you work. the loss of your true self.
— When someone has the courage to confront you about your behavior, see this as the gift that it is.
3. Apology shows acknowledgment that you have indeed been harmed and have a right to feel hurt or angry. Its kind of invalidation is incredibly healing.
— Feeling real guilt is felt when we have violated our moral code.
4. Asking for an apology is a polite but certain way of telling the other person that you expect to be treated with respect, consideration, and kindness and that you will accept nothing less.
5. We are discouraged from taking responsibility for our actions and apologizing for wrongdoing because we have been raised in a culture that causes us to fear making mistakes.
— Anger is very powerful and can be used in positive ways - to motivate us towards change, to strengthen us against our adversaries, and to protect us against pain.
— If you try to forgive before releasing your anger, your attempts will be fruitless.
6. We may give the impression that we don’t care when insects are just blind to the effects of our actions. People can minimize my behavior and discount their feelings. Being called “too sensitive” for misinterpreting my actions. “It’s time to get over it.”
— Projection is the act of attributing to others those feelings and reactions that we are having, but do not want to acknowledge. Projection is an unconscious defense mechanism.
7. Be willing to listen to the other person’s pain.
— There is some truth to the belief that we are not responsible for the reactions and feelings of others, we are responsible for our behavior and the consequences of our behavior. We have an obligation to deal with his or her reaction.
— When we have empathy we put ourselves in their place. Judging is a position of superiority: apathy is a position of equality.
8. Unless you are ready and willing to accept complete responsibility and admit you were wrong, you will not receive the benefits of your apology.
— It takes courage to have a person you have wronged look in your eyes and see your vulnerability and remorse. If you have this courage, you will benefit tremendously.
— Just because we are willing to forgive doesn’t mean that we are necessarily ready to forget.
9. A meaningful apology communicates the three Rs: regret, responsibility, and remedy.
— Regret - A statement of regret for having caused the inconvenience, hurt, or damage.
— Responsibility - Not making excuses for your actions and excepting Forrest wants ability for what you did I said the consequences of your actions.
— Remedy - making restitution for restitution for the damages you caused.
10. When someone apologizes the response on the other person should be either
- “accept your apology “or
- “I appreciate your apology because what you did hurt my feelings (or made me angry).”
— “I’m sorry I hurt you. It was my intention.
— “You’re right. I do owe you an apology. Sorry. Thank you for telling me about this. I’ll think about what you said.”
— “I didn’t realize you felt this way about it. Give me some time to think about it and I’ll get back to you on it.”
1. Importance:
—- Apology is not just something to do to be polite. It is an important social ritual, we have shown respect and empathy for the wrong person.
— By apologizing for your oversight, mistakes, and transgressions, you will give others the respect they deserve, reinforce your resolve to treat others with more kindness, and continue to increase your level of empathy and compassion.
— When you do the honorable thing – accept responsibility for your actions and apologize to those you harmed — increase respect for yourself, which in turn increases your self-esteem and self-confidence.
— When we apologize, we humble ourselves before the person we have harmed, and this helps us to regain our dignity and our humanity. Making apologies allows us to be imperfect.
— We feel redeemed in our own eyes. We feel better about ourselves when we do the right thing.
2. Learning how to ask for an apology can be as important as learning how to gift one.
— This act in itself will be healing to you, no matter what the outcome. You’ll be free from the guilt and shame you’ve been caring around, and you against self-destruct because you’re willing and able to take responsibility for your actions.
— There is nothing more insulting than to be wronged and then be accused of lying about the situation.
— Apologizing acknowledges that the other person has a right to be upset.
— The price you will personally pay for holding onto your arrogance and refusing to admit when you’re wrong and be the loss of your marriage, the respect of your children, and the respect of those with whom you work. the loss of your true self.
— When someone has the courage to confront you about your behavior, see this as the gift that it is.
3. Apology shows acknowledgment that you have indeed been harmed and have a right to feel hurt or angry. Its kind of invalidation is incredibly healing.
— Feeling real guilt is felt when we have violated our moral code.
4. Asking for an apology is a polite but certain way of telling the other person that you expect to be treated with respect, consideration, and kindness and that you will accept nothing less.
5. We are discouraged from taking responsibility for our actions and apologizing for wrongdoing because we have been raised in a culture that causes us to fear making mistakes.
— Anger is very powerful and can be used in positive ways - to motivate us towards change, to strengthen us against our adversaries, and to protect us against pain.
— If you try to forgive before releasing your anger, your attempts will be fruitless.
6. We may give the impression that we don’t care when insects are just blind to the effects of our actions. People can minimize my behavior and discount their feelings. Being called “too sensitive” for misinterpreting my actions. “It’s time to get over it.”
— Projection is the act of attributing to others those feelings and reactions that we are having, but do not want to acknowledge. Projection is an unconscious defense mechanism.
7. Be willing to listen to the other person’s pain.
— There is some truth to the belief that we are not responsible for the reactions and feelings of others, we are responsible for our behavior and the consequences of our behavior. We have an obligation to deal with his or her reaction.
— When we have empathy we put ourselves in their place. Judging is a position of superiority: apathy is a position of equality.
8. Unless you are ready and willing to accept complete responsibility and admit you were wrong, you will not receive the benefits of your apology.
— It takes courage to have a person you have wronged look in your eyes and see your vulnerability and remorse. If you have this courage, you will benefit tremendously.
— Just because we are willing to forgive doesn’t mean that we are necessarily ready to forget.
9. A meaningful apology communicates the three Rs: regret, responsibility, and remedy.
— Regret - A statement of regret for having caused the inconvenience, hurt, or damage.
— Responsibility - Not making excuses for your actions and excepting Forrest wants ability for what you did I said the consequences of your actions.
— Remedy - making restitution for restitution for the damages you caused.
10. When someone apologizes the response on the other person should be either
- “accept your apology “or
- “I appreciate your apology because what you did hurt my feelings (or made me angry).”
— “I’m sorry I hurt you. It was my intention.
— “You’re right. I do owe you an apology. Sorry. Thank you for telling me about this. I’ll think about what you said.”
— “I didn’t realize you felt this way about it. Give me some time to think about it and I’ll get back to you on it.”
Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews