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It's Not Me, It's Them: Confessions of a hopeless modern romantic
As a 17-year-old virgin working . . . for Virgin, Joel Dommett has grand ambitions. Firstly, he is going to swap suburbia for the bright lights of Showbiz. Secondly, he is going to find 'the one' in the first forty people he's going to sleep with.
What follows is a series of disastrous romantic encounters, including carpets mistaken for toilets, futile grand gestures and the catfishing to end all catfishing.
Featuring genuine teenage diary entries and told in Joel's trademark self-deprecating style, this is the brilliant first book from the UK's most exciting comedian.
What follows is a series of disastrous romantic encounters, including carpets mistaken for toilets, futile grand gestures and the catfishing to end all catfishing.
Featuring genuine teenage diary entries and told in Joel's trademark self-deprecating style, this is the brilliant first book from the UK's most exciting comedian.
Audiobook
Published February 8, 2018
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 36 reviews
April 7, 2020
As many of you know, I work for the NHS. And during this pandemic, having a laugh is always crucial and Joel you did that for me. I never laughed out loud so much when listening to this on audible. Some of the things said is unbelievable, some of the things you have done is amazing! Was definitely the pick me up I needed during this time and i thank you for that!!!!!
So many funny stories that I don't want to spoil, so please if you are feeling like you need a pick me up and like crude but funny humour- this is the book for you!!
So many funny stories that I don't want to spoil, so please if you are feeling like you need a pick me up and like crude but funny humour- this is the book for you!!
April 10, 2022
Hmmm… not the best autobiography I’ve read, but still funny none the less. Follow Joel and his failed relationships, from a teenager to his now wife.
January 26, 2020
I don't know what it is, but I seem to read autobiographies a lot quicker than I do a storybook, does that happen to anyone else? Wait, Wait.. in the words of Joel this book isn't an autobiography it is a "memoir" lol. This has got to be the first book that has properly made me belly laugh, I could just hear Joels voice reading through the book and it just seemed to make everything that happened to him even funnier. He started at the bottom, and came out nearly at the top. I'll admit, I didn't know Joel until I watched Extra Camp this year, I didn't know he was a comedian (well I could see he was trying to be on Extra Camp with his jokes lol) but I didn't know anything else about him and I really enjoyed watching him this year on it so as you do, I started following him on insta etc. I saw his book in the Library under the new book section but this book has been out since 2018 so the library must have just got it in. I wanted to find out more about Joel so I decided to read the book, little did I know id be finding out more about his sex life then I knew about my friends lol it was like reading a very special kind of love story of a celebrity which is rare to find nowadays lol. I really enjoyed the stories that were shared, it has reminded me to never go onto tinder, never go into im a celebrity (or starve myself and then eat way to much) and also to try and avoid Joel on a plane! lol honestly people if you wanna know them stories then have a read of this book you'll never be short of laugh or a smile. Highly recommend this book to anyone who likes Joel, has just found Joel (like me) or just generally likes to laugh at peoples lives and see how good can come out of shit. LOVED IT :) as you can probably tell, I read it in 2 days.
March 22, 2019
This was an easy read, and perhaps it's a compliment that at one point I thought I'd read a chapter before bed and put it down an hour later, but it was more light-hearted than hilarious.
I have often been disappointed by comedians' books, and I'm not exactly a Dommett fanboy so I don't know why I picked this up. Perhaps the romance angle made it seem different but it was more of a biography with tenuous links to a selection of lovers. But though the writing was easy, and if not ghosted, a lot better than I expected, too few of the jokes were a hit, and putting bad puns in a footnote doesn't excuse them. A good example was of the translation of 'Penny' idioms for his Mum (eg pretty Penny), in a list that was too long and lost its impact. The bad waiter thread (this book was told as though he was on a date) got boring pretty quickly too.
To be fair to Dommett he largely comes across as a nice guy, and he does seem to have genuine affection for his close friends and family in a book that assigns a number to each woman he's had sex with. But I don't think the difference between a man that goes 'Oi Oi' and the author who phones an airline to check if he's still banned for joining the mile high club (they've let you buy the ticket, I think you know full well you're allowed on) isn't quite as wide as he thinks it is.
Yet on the other hand he has worked his way up the comedy ladder without any obvious contacts to give him a leg up, and without the regular panel show gigs that many of his contemporaries have. Unfunny people tend not to become professional comedians, and I guess he's a good performer. All in all, interesting but could have been better.
I have often been disappointed by comedians' books, and I'm not exactly a Dommett fanboy so I don't know why I picked this up. Perhaps the romance angle made it seem different but it was more of a biography with tenuous links to a selection of lovers. But though the writing was easy, and if not ghosted, a lot better than I expected, too few of the jokes were a hit, and putting bad puns in a footnote doesn't excuse them. A good example was of the translation of 'Penny' idioms for his Mum (eg pretty Penny), in a list that was too long and lost its impact. The bad waiter thread (this book was told as though he was on a date) got boring pretty quickly too.
To be fair to Dommett he largely comes across as a nice guy, and he does seem to have genuine affection for his close friends and family in a book that assigns a number to each woman he's had sex with. But I don't think the difference between a man that goes 'Oi Oi' and the author who phones an airline to check if he's still banned for joining the mile high club (they've let you buy the ticket, I think you know full well you're allowed on) isn't quite as wide as he thinks it is.
Yet on the other hand he has worked his way up the comedy ladder without any obvious contacts to give him a leg up, and without the regular panel show gigs that many of his contemporaries have. Unfunny people tend not to become professional comedians, and I guess he's a good performer. All in all, interesting but could have been better.
March 21, 2018
Brought this book while backpacking in UK, it was one of great purchase that I made while on travel. I normally buy at least a book from local bookstore without any expectation, where to my surprise it became one of top reads this year (even though I didn't read much book this year but I have read countless of journal articles that make reading a chore). It contain quite a number of funny references and paints Joel's basically sex life in a short yet descriptive way. Though at times the books jump into different timeline suddenly, and get me confused initially. Joel writing fascination with reference can be seen in this book, like bald, you have been duned and many more. The great thing about this book is that Joel address the forth wall, and reading situation as if he is the reader. There some twist and turn in the story that actually be worth the read and actually quite content how believable the story goes (even it is non-fiction book). I wish that he could write more about his current relationship and get the idea of his current love one.is actually the one. Maybe in his second book?
April 1, 2024
The premise for this book is a bit strange, it's essentially a book of humorous kiss and tells and I felt a bit conflicted for liking it. All the way through reading I kept feeling uneasy as though it didn't sit well with me. BUT it is really funny and Joel was respectful about the women he wrote about.
It was laugh out loud funny and not many books achieve this feat, some of the situations Joel finds himself in are so absurd that you find yourself wondering if they might not be entirely true, it's hard to believe that they happened to one person.
Before reading I wasn't that familiar with Joel's work and despite having an interest in comedy I wasn't really aware that he was once primarily a stand-up comedian as I knew him more for his presenting work but this book made me really like him and want to seek out his comedy work. It was refreshing to read someone who seems quite normal and a nice person.
It was laugh out loud funny and not many books achieve this feat, some of the situations Joel finds himself in are so absurd that you find yourself wondering if they might not be entirely true, it's hard to believe that they happened to one person.
Before reading I wasn't that familiar with Joel's work and despite having an interest in comedy I wasn't really aware that he was once primarily a stand-up comedian as I knew him more for his presenting work but this book made me really like him and want to seek out his comedy work. It was refreshing to read someone who seems quite normal and a nice person.
May 8, 2018
I really loved this book. I read a lot of books but not one book has made me laugh out loud or try to hide my laugh in the staff room like this one. I watched Joel perform at the Hazlitt Theatre and it was the best comedy gig I've ever been to, his energy and presence he has on stage comes through in the book and it will brighten up your day. I was enticed by page one, the way he told stories and how one story flowed into another without it sounding like a load of waffle. It was such an easy piece of writing to read and I loved hearing his journey and how he got to where he is today. I especially loved the ending which made my heart melt. I can't wait to see him at Reading Festival where I will hunt him down and say how much I enjoyed his book. I will also ask the question of who is Poppy? Honestly I really want to know. Joel please tell me! I highly recommend.
April 6, 2021
As a 17-year-old virgin working... for Virgin, Joel Dommett has grand ambitions. Firstly, he is going to swap suburbia for the bright lights of Showbiz. Secondly, he is going to find 'the one' in the first forty people he's going to sleep with.
What follows is a series of disastrous romantic encounters, including carpets mistaken for toilets, futile grand gestures and the catfishing to end all catfishing.
Featuring genuine teenage diary entries and told in Joel's trademark self-deprecating style, this is the brilliant first book from the UK's most exciting comedian.
✈️❣️
Ok I absolutely laughed out loud at parts of this book. Honestly just took me right back to being a teenager and my own disasters! Hearing Joel talking about all his love-life disasters in the form of diary entries, and talking to his date.
I absolutely love the way this book was written (or read, in my case), Joel is recounting his love life to his date, Hannah, with whom he doesn’t see a second date happening, yet right at the end it’s revealed that she is his one, honestly it was such a nice ending!!
What follows is a series of disastrous romantic encounters, including carpets mistaken for toilets, futile grand gestures and the catfishing to end all catfishing.
Featuring genuine teenage diary entries and told in Joel's trademark self-deprecating style, this is the brilliant first book from the UK's most exciting comedian.
✈️❣️
Ok I absolutely laughed out loud at parts of this book. Honestly just took me right back to being a teenager and my own disasters! Hearing Joel talking about all his love-life disasters in the form of diary entries, and talking to his date.
I absolutely love the way this book was written (or read, in my case), Joel is recounting his love life to his date, Hannah, with whom he doesn’t see a second date happening, yet right at the end it’s revealed that she is his one, honestly it was such a nice ending!!
February 28, 2018
I thoroughly enjoyed this book. Every page was packed and brimming with gags, funny anecdotes and occasionally when Joel would digress, funny little stories you didn't need to know but that made the book all the better.
It's a book that is very easy to identify with when you're a 20-something with a back catalogue of failed relationships and funny stories yourself, having someone as hilarious as Joel mock relationships for what they are takes the sting out of all the bad break ups.
The book is all tied together nicely by one significant story, without spoiling it I'd recommend reading all the way to the final page and being emotionally ready for what unfolds.
All in all possibly the best autobiographical book I have read of its kind.
It's a book that is very easy to identify with when you're a 20-something with a back catalogue of failed relationships and funny stories yourself, having someone as hilarious as Joel mock relationships for what they are takes the sting out of all the bad break ups.
The book is all tied together nicely by one significant story, without spoiling it I'd recommend reading all the way to the final page and being emotionally ready for what unfolds.
All in all possibly the best autobiographical book I have read of its kind.
November 2, 2020
I only picked this up because it was reduced to £1.50 in The Works and I liked Joel on I’m A Celeb, I wasn’t expecting much but I actually really enjoyed it. Joel seems lovely and genuine. He has some almost unbelievable funny stories, especially considering most of the book is about his life pre-fame, it’s a very interesting read.
My only criticisms are that the chapters were very long and he used *footnote jokes so often that the format was a bit annoying to read. Also I wish he’d used a pseudonym for the tapas date like he did with all the others because I already knew his wife was called Hannah so that was a bit of a spoiler from the start.
My only criticisms are that the chapters were very long and he used *footnote jokes so often that the format was a bit annoying to read. Also I wish he’d used a pseudonym for the tapas date like he did with all the others because I already knew his wife was called Hannah so that was a bit of a spoiler from the start.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
June 16, 2024
Surprisingly honest book that reads more as a romcom than an autobiography…
Joel has learned some life lessons the hard way, and has managed to make lemonade out of his lemons, rather than turning bitter.
(I might have stretched this citrus analogy too far? I took Good Reads literally when they said “keep reviews short and pithy”)
His dating stories are shockingly frank… and dare we say it, sexy? But thankfully never gratuitous- Joel is too self-deprecating to allow that.
In the end, it’s a classic love story - albeit one with a bit self-love thrown in - and such is Joel’s charm that you’ll be cheering for him all the way.
Joel has learned some life lessons the hard way, and has managed to make lemonade out of his lemons, rather than turning bitter.
(I might have stretched this citrus analogy too far? I took Good Reads literally when they said “keep reviews short and pithy”)
His dating stories are shockingly frank… and dare we say it, sexy? But thankfully never gratuitous- Joel is too self-deprecating to allow that.
In the end, it’s a classic love story - albeit one with a bit self-love thrown in - and such is Joel’s charm that you’ll be cheering for him all the way.
April 3, 2018
If you have seen Joel perform live, whilst reading you'll realise that you've heard A LOT of these stories during his gigs. That said, a lot of this is fresh, and all of it is hilarious. It's often like you can hear Joel reading out what you see written on the page! - I really want this on audiobook, are they doing an audiobook? Also you might guess the ending like I did but that just makes it more special. P.S. Hazel, what the f*ck!?
April 5, 2020
I started this over a year ago, and read a few pages before putting it back on my shelf. Ever since, it’s been staring at me to finish it off, so I did, and I loved it! The jokes are funny, the situations are relatable and the language is accessible. I’m a big fan of Joel’s stand up and have seen him perform a few of the stories, but it was nice to see them written down in a timeline - and has inspired me to do the same thing, even if no-one ends up reading it...
June 25, 2020
I would of given this 4 but it took me so long to read. I got bored half way through, put it down for about a year (as it was incredibly and inconveniently large to carry on the tube where I did most of my reading) and only a pandemic inspired me to pick it back up and finish it off.
Enjoyable and light hearted but nothing ground breaking. I am a Joel Dommett fan but I’ll stick to his comedy over his writing.
Enjoyable and light hearted but nothing ground breaking. I am a Joel Dommett fan but I’ll stick to his comedy over his writing.
January 12, 2023
My first audiobook of 2023 & I absolutely loved it! I'm kind of sad its now over tbh..
I'm a massive fan of Joel, especially since his appearance on I'm A Celeb. Listening to the audiobook of this was just brilliant and had my howling! As soon as I listened to the sample of this & heard his Lex Luther joke, I knew I had to download this book. Joel is such a funny guy and I found his voice very engaging, his impressions and accents are brilliant too 🤣🤣
I really hope there's another book !
I'm a massive fan of Joel, especially since his appearance on I'm A Celeb. Listening to the audiobook of this was just brilliant and had my howling! As soon as I listened to the sample of this & heard his Lex Luther joke, I knew I had to download this book. Joel is such a funny guy and I found his voice very engaging, his impressions and accents are brilliant too 🤣🤣
I really hope there's another book !
March 18, 2018
Not as funny as I hoped and be very careful about who is in earshot if you have the audiobook as it’s basically a memoir of the 40 people he has slept with and in places can be quite graphic. Loved the Bristol references though... and also learned through reading this that he used to work with my brother in Virgin Megastore at Cribbs Causeway! 😮
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
August 8, 2018
Read this book very quick and was really funny in places. Found a few chapters a bit long winded. Glad i read it and if I'm honest I had no idea who Joel Dommett was, I just read the inside cover and thought it sounded good so picked it up. I did end up watching some of his shows on YouTube so It opened my eyes to something new.
May 26, 2019
This book was so refreshing surrounding the topic of relationships and sex and perfectly conveyed Joel’s natural charm.
He has an incredibly funny style of writing, which can also be so heart-warming. The end was sweet and amazing and left me feeling so so happy.
Reading this book was a delight as expected.
He has an incredibly funny style of writing, which can also be so heart-warming. The end was sweet and amazing and left me feeling so so happy.
Reading this book was a delight as expected.
August 27, 2023
I’m not overly familiar with Joel. I’ve seen him pop up on a few shows. So, I approached this book with pretty much no expectations other than humour being involved. There was that but unfortunately I think the pace of the book dragged on a bit. And about half way through I guessed the big reveal that was to come.
March 3, 2018
Unexpected delight
I wanted to buy this book as a hard hardcopy for my daughter but brought it for my kindle in error.
I really enjoyed it. It was funny and touching and considering the subject matter not crude.
I wanted to buy this book as a hard hardcopy for my daughter but brought it for my kindle in error.
I really enjoyed it. It was funny and touching and considering the subject matter not crude.
November 23, 2018
Laugh out loud funny
Loved this book. There was points I was trying so hard not to laugh due to being in public! It’s full of stories from his dating life which has its fair share of ups and downs but Joel is a loveable wierdo and the ending is just lovely!
Loved this book. There was points I was trying so hard not to laugh due to being in public! It’s full of stories from his dating life which has its fair share of ups and downs but Joel is a loveable wierdo and the ending is just lovely!
November 14, 2020
I’m not gonna lie, Joel Dommett is probably one of my top crushes? So when I saw his autobiography, I had to read it. Just like his standup, there’s laugh out loud moments packed with heart. It’s an easy read and one you’ll enjoy.
February 3, 2024
Now I see why it was withdrawn without being read in my library! Such a waste of space on the shelf!
Sorry but what a wimp! Put a girl ( who obviously fancied him) up to fight on his behalf!
Bit of a mummy’s boy, But this book was a waste of paper, a bit sycophantic. He relies on his looks.
Sorry but what a wimp! Put a girl ( who obviously fancied him) up to fight on his behalf!
Bit of a mummy’s boy, But this book was a waste of paper, a bit sycophantic. He relies on his looks.
February 9, 2018
Refreshingly Brilliant
A truly funny honest account about love, sex and romance. A very good read. I could not put this book down.
A truly funny honest account about love, sex and romance. A very good read. I could not put this book down.
February 17, 2018
Very good. Funny and honest.
February 22, 2018
Listened to this through audible and it is the funniest book I have ever read. Just brilliant thoroughly recommend it to anyone.
October 13, 2018
Really really funny
Loved reading this...didn't want it to end! Lots of laugh out loud moments (which I find is a rare thing with books) Hope Joel writes another 😂
Loved reading this...didn't want it to end! Lots of laugh out loud moments (which I find is a rare thing with books) Hope Joel writes another 😂
June 18, 2019
This was hilarious. It takes a lot to get me to laugh out loud but I definitely looked like an idiot chuckling on the train while listening to this. Absolutely wonderful. I loved it
January 23, 2020
Really enjoyed this as it was funny and I did giggle in parts. A very honest account with quite a sweet ending. I guess there’s hope for everyone on the dating merry-go-round...
Displaying 1 - 30 of 36 reviews