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X and Why: The rules of attraction: why gender still matters
In the last century it was argued that men are from Mars and women are from Venus - but things have moved on a long way since then. In this timely new approach to the debate, Tom Whipple travels far and wide - from a Home Counties swingers' party to a gay penguin sanctuary in Germany - and draws on the latest studies in behavioural science as well as fascinating explorations into anthropology to present a surprising tale of expectations and mismatches.If you are currently single, this book is about your place in the dating market - your successes, your failures and what they mean. If you are in a relationship, it is about why you chose the person you are with, why they chose you - and the circumstances in which either of you might put it all at risk and stray.In X and Why, Tom Whipple delves into the sexual subconscious to explain the inner workings of character and desire. It will change the way you see yourself and everyone around you.
256 pages, Kindle Edition
Published April 5, 2018
15 people are currently reading
194 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews
September 23, 2018
What I can say about this book is that it would be a fun introduction to the area of sex psychology and evolutionary psychology if you didn't know anything about it. I'm quite surprised that Richard Dawkins, of all people, suggested this book would ruffle feathers. You can't really ruffle feathers by presenting research that is pretty basic and well-known by anyone with even a passing interest in the area. Instead of interesting and unexpected discoveries, each chapter appears to be "this is a stereotype people have. Does it hold up? Yep, it does." As the book got further along, I felt Whipple bend to the temptations, common in evolutionary psychology, of accepting conclusions of studies that, if we really thought about it, are pretty wild (think the study that concluded that women are more attractive when ovulating based on tips given to strippers). One study on human sexual response to images showed that women become physical aroused in response to sexual images of both men and women, despite their stated sexual preference. Men, however, are generally aroused only by the gender they say they're attracted to. Why is this? Women are mostly bisexual.
Look, engaging finding. The rest of the chapter talked about the societal pressures on not being bisexual, and animal studies showing female bisexuality. Unfortunately this was one of the many studies in the book that I'd heard of before, so I was surprised that he had completely ignored the other possible conclusion - that women become sexually lubricated when sex is possible, regardless of attraction, to protect themselves from forcible sex. At least, until the end of the chapter, where he does briefly mention that possibility, but only after setting the whole stage for female bisexuality.
Overall, an interesting introduction to a bunch of quirky studies, and an easy read, but don't expect much in the way of critical evaluation or original insights.
Look, engaging finding. The rest of the chapter talked about the societal pressures on not being bisexual, and animal studies showing female bisexuality. Unfortunately this was one of the many studies in the book that I'd heard of before, so I was surprised that he had completely ignored the other possible conclusion - that women become sexually lubricated when sex is possible, regardless of attraction, to protect themselves from forcible sex. At least, until the end of the chapter, where he does briefly mention that possibility, but only after setting the whole stage for female bisexuality.
Overall, an interesting introduction to a bunch of quirky studies, and an easy read, but don't expect much in the way of critical evaluation or original insights.
April 7, 2018
For most readers this book will be a 5 or a 1.
I chose this book, in part, because it sounded a bit quirky and offbeat. And as the author is a science writer for The Times of London, I expected good writing with a dose of British wit, which I like. And the book certainly delivered on both counts.
“This book is about the scientific investigations into how, and why, the two sexes approach sex differently.” It’s not a book about feminism or a defense of the patriarchy. It asks questions such as the purpose of the female orgasm, the evolutionary reason why women survive beyond menopause, why men can be such cads, and the like. It’s not a smut novel, however. It does provide an exhaustive review of the latest in sex research from around the world. And there is far more of it than I would have imagined.
“But this book is not The Truth. It is, like science itself, a collection of partial truths.” Said a bit differently, science is more about probabilities than absolute facts and this book more or less reinforces that point. Binary choices, like the argument over nature versus nurture, are largely absurd. Reality is far more complicated than that. “Certainly is a luxury that science can rarely achieve.”
“This book will offend people.” And, indeed, I’m sure it will. I wasn’t so much offended, however, as I was left wondering, what’s the point? As I have gotten older I’ve increasingly become convinced that we waste far too much time trying to decipher cause and effect. As the Taoists have long maintained, certain aspects of reality are far too complicated for our feeble minds to ever comprehend for the simple reason that everything exists in context and context exists in an almost infinite number of dimensions all at once. And it’s dynamic to boot.
I will say that the writing is very good and there is the British wit I hoped for. I laughed out loud on numerous occasions. And the author, I think, maintains the detachment you would expect of a scientific journalist. In the end, he appears to be both tolerant and promoting no specific agenda. That’s good. The key to the Taoist perspective is tolerance. Without tolerance you get the world we live in.
So I thought about not reviewing this book to be fair to the author. But that seemed like a cop out. I settled on a 3 because the writing is good and the book is not a joke or a parody. It’s legitimate journalism for sure. I didn’t personally get much out of it for the simple reason that there isn’t much to get. There really are no answers and it is, perhaps, unlikely there ever will be.
Science, in its current form, doesn’t have the answer to every question. Not for any religious or spiritual reason but for the simple reason that science is largely binary. You have to be able to isolate aspects of reality to test their relevance. And that’s not always possible. Gender and sexuality, I think, is one of those cases.
I chose this book, in part, because it sounded a bit quirky and offbeat. And as the author is a science writer for The Times of London, I expected good writing with a dose of British wit, which I like. And the book certainly delivered on both counts.
“This book is about the scientific investigations into how, and why, the two sexes approach sex differently.” It’s not a book about feminism or a defense of the patriarchy. It asks questions such as the purpose of the female orgasm, the evolutionary reason why women survive beyond menopause, why men can be such cads, and the like. It’s not a smut novel, however. It does provide an exhaustive review of the latest in sex research from around the world. And there is far more of it than I would have imagined.
“But this book is not The Truth. It is, like science itself, a collection of partial truths.” Said a bit differently, science is more about probabilities than absolute facts and this book more or less reinforces that point. Binary choices, like the argument over nature versus nurture, are largely absurd. Reality is far more complicated than that. “Certainly is a luxury that science can rarely achieve.”
“This book will offend people.” And, indeed, I’m sure it will. I wasn’t so much offended, however, as I was left wondering, what’s the point? As I have gotten older I’ve increasingly become convinced that we waste far too much time trying to decipher cause and effect. As the Taoists have long maintained, certain aspects of reality are far too complicated for our feeble minds to ever comprehend for the simple reason that everything exists in context and context exists in an almost infinite number of dimensions all at once. And it’s dynamic to boot.
I will say that the writing is very good and there is the British wit I hoped for. I laughed out loud on numerous occasions. And the author, I think, maintains the detachment you would expect of a scientific journalist. In the end, he appears to be both tolerant and promoting no specific agenda. That’s good. The key to the Taoist perspective is tolerance. Without tolerance you get the world we live in.
So I thought about not reviewing this book to be fair to the author. But that seemed like a cop out. I settled on a 3 because the writing is good and the book is not a joke or a parody. It’s legitimate journalism for sure. I didn’t personally get much out of it for the simple reason that there isn’t much to get. There really are no answers and it is, perhaps, unlikely there ever will be.
Science, in its current form, doesn’t have the answer to every question. Not for any religious or spiritual reason but for the simple reason that science is largely binary. You have to be able to isolate aspects of reality to test their relevance. And that’s not always possible. Gender and sexuality, I think, is one of those cases.
October 8, 2018
t's not often that word romp comes to mind while reading a popular science book. On the other hand, if the book is about 'science of sex', maybe its inevitable.
I think that the author, a Times science journalist, is trying hard to be objective. But the old stereotypes of male supremacy keep poking their ears above the hedge of selected scientific facts. He avoids some cliches of gender science but slides into the other.
Somehow only facts that are non-threatening - at least in theory - for a straight man get an airing. The legendary disbalance in male and female fertility is demonstrated by amusing historical anecdotes of a Sultan of Morocco with his 600 sons and 'wife of a Russian peasant' - she doesn't have a name - who's allegedly had 69 children.
The classic experiment "male students want to go to bed with strangers, females don't" gets a long description. But the social explanations are barely mentioned and dismissed in this case and the other similar cases.
The author also allows women sexuality and infidelity as a norm, talking about two strategies - selecting a handsome rogue on the off chance of him changing his ways and long play in the chance of securing his desirable genes for her sons. He also talks about the fluidity of female sexuality - the cited research suggests that most women are bisexual. For example, 20 percent of modern younger women experimented with same-sex affairs while only 2 percent of the older women while there's no dramatic increase for men.
Having read Cordelia Fine's excellent book "Testosterone Rex" the author quite suggest that everything is ruled by testosterone and as an average man has more of it he's destined to rule the universe forever. But the selection of facts suggests that - he keeps telling about men being the majority of CEO nudging towards the conclusion.
He does not nudge but bludgeons the readers by a Darwin quote about the eternal inferiority of women. Surely, the father of evolution theory who lived when women were forbidden the higher education, cannot be wrong.
This is a book clearly written by a non-academic. If similar books (such as mentioned "Testosterone Rex" ) written of academics are often a dense read with meticulous referencing, this book conforms to journalist cliche. Chapters start with life stories, often only tenuously connected to the research. And research sizzles out.
You may think that as a card-carrying equalist (= feminist) I am biased. But without underlying ideas, the book is just a random collection of facts about human sex designed to earn the author some money. Oh, wait... the author is the journalist that earns his living by packaging facts for public consumption.
Is there a point in spending time reading this book? Sure, if you enjoy the facts and witty writing while being aware of the author's bias.
I think that the author, a Times science journalist, is trying hard to be objective. But the old stereotypes of male supremacy keep poking their ears above the hedge of selected scientific facts. He avoids some cliches of gender science but slides into the other.
Somehow only facts that are non-threatening - at least in theory - for a straight man get an airing. The legendary disbalance in male and female fertility is demonstrated by amusing historical anecdotes of a Sultan of Morocco with his 600 sons and 'wife of a Russian peasant' - she doesn't have a name - who's allegedly had 69 children.
The classic experiment "male students want to go to bed with strangers, females don't" gets a long description. But the social explanations are barely mentioned and dismissed in this case and the other similar cases.
The author also allows women sexuality and infidelity as a norm, talking about two strategies - selecting a handsome rogue on the off chance of him changing his ways and long play in the chance of securing his desirable genes for her sons. He also talks about the fluidity of female sexuality - the cited research suggests that most women are bisexual. For example, 20 percent of modern younger women experimented with same-sex affairs while only 2 percent of the older women while there's no dramatic increase for men.
Having read Cordelia Fine's excellent book "Testosterone Rex" the author quite suggest that everything is ruled by testosterone and as an average man has more of it he's destined to rule the universe forever. But the selection of facts suggests that - he keeps telling about men being the majority of CEO nudging towards the conclusion.
He does not nudge but bludgeons the readers by a Darwin quote about the eternal inferiority of women. Surely, the father of evolution theory who lived when women were forbidden the higher education, cannot be wrong.
This is a book clearly written by a non-academic. If similar books (such as mentioned "Testosterone Rex" ) written of academics are often a dense read with meticulous referencing, this book conforms to journalist cliche. Chapters start with life stories, often only tenuously connected to the research. And research sizzles out.
You may think that as a card-carrying equalist (= feminist) I am biased. But without underlying ideas, the book is just a random collection of facts about human sex designed to earn the author some money. Oh, wait... the author is the journalist that earns his living by packaging facts for public consumption.
Is there a point in spending time reading this book? Sure, if you enjoy the facts and witty writing while being aware of the author's bias.
September 26, 2018
I initially bought this book to understand more about women that might gives me a leverage in the crazy "love hunt" experienced by every mid twenty Indonesian men.
Well I was wrong... because this book is deeper and broader than I thought!
This books making me question about what "women" is? Why we differ and why it still matters in the post-gender world? I found many intriguing studies about the nature of men and women, and to my surprise even a good laugh. The author wrote the content in a popular and funny way that will not let you getting overwhelmed by sometimes a difficult and less known subjects/studies.
My favourite part is about homosexuals. Is it nature (caused by gene) or nurture (caused by environment/culture)? Homosexuals doesnt reproduce, but why they always exists within generations? This book gave me more questions than answers, but now I am eager than ever to read more about gender and sexuality.
Well I was wrong... because this book is deeper and broader than I thought!
This books making me question about what "women" is? Why we differ and why it still matters in the post-gender world? I found many intriguing studies about the nature of men and women, and to my surprise even a good laugh. The author wrote the content in a popular and funny way that will not let you getting overwhelmed by sometimes a difficult and less known subjects/studies.
My favourite part is about homosexuals. Is it nature (caused by gene) or nurture (caused by environment/culture)? Homosexuals doesnt reproduce, but why they always exists within generations? This book gave me more questions than answers, but now I am eager than ever to read more about gender and sexuality.
March 26, 2023
This was an interesting book that used many many historical and scientific examples from around the world to explore how society differentiates between gender and sexuality, and what those differences look like in their cultures. In our culture, I think we sometimes think that homosexuality, transgender etc. are new phenomenon, but looking historically to other places around the world, this is definitely not the case. While our genes depict which sexual organs we produce (most of the time) gender itself, and the expectations of society, are a cultural invention. No wonder we are all confused! This book left me thinking more than ever that we should just leave everyone to decide exactly who they want to be. There are no rule to follow other than the ones we create ourselves so let's stop imposing rules on others.
December 19, 2019
Entertaining and interesting.
It's not going to answer any questions but for the average Joe it will hopefully be thought provoking. It's good to reflect and think about why we are like we are. We should ask questions, and I think this book facilitates that.
Whipple introduces a broad range of interests in sex and gender research, at times brilliantly tongue-in-cheek, in an easily understandable and thoroughly entertaining way. What's not to like?
It's not going to answer any questions but for the average Joe it will hopefully be thought provoking. It's good to reflect and think about why we are like we are. We should ask questions, and I think this book facilitates that.
Whipple introduces a broad range of interests in sex and gender research, at times brilliantly tongue-in-cheek, in an easily understandable and thoroughly entertaining way. What's not to like?
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
February 24, 2025
A really interesting read into the base theories of sex, gender, and differences. Some changed how I view myself, through the lens of social construct or not.
I thought Whipple did a great job of sharing a wide range of knowledge in a very entertaining way. Perhaps I’ll visit an orgy sometime too to also witness the dynamics.
Hoping I’ll retain this knowledge to rattle off random psychological studies in conversation for years to come.
I thought Whipple did a great job of sharing a wide range of knowledge in a very entertaining way. Perhaps I’ll visit an orgy sometime too to also witness the dynamics.
Hoping I’ll retain this knowledge to rattle off random psychological studies in conversation for years to come.
May 24, 2018
Super interesting read and seriously funny as well, highly recommend! While I don’t agree with all said, and some of it’s definitely controversial, the points he makes are well substantiated and do make you think
March 19, 2020
Põnev sissejuhatus seksoloogia ning sugude temaatikasse. Põhjalikult ja köitvalt tutvustatud teaduskirjandust naiste ja meeste homoseksuaalsuse alglätete ja põhjuslikkuse, promiskuiteedi evolutsioonilise (eba)tähtsuse, orgasmide (ja nende puudumise), menopausi paradoksaalsuse jm teemadel.
July 3, 2024
Really interesting, brought up some theories on the evolution of homosexuality and female orgasm that I had never heard of before. Great range of research, particularly enjoyed the comical way the flaws of past theories were discussed.
January 15, 2020
Absolutely fascinating! This book is well written and full of so much information and research. I loved it
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August 12, 2025I finished this book 4 years ago yet, it is only now that I'm writing a proper review. Back then, my heart was broken. I felt lost and was looking for an explanation as to why we, as humans, fall in love... and why our hearts break. I didn't realize at moment, but I probably picked this title up from the bookstore because I wanted to shelter myself in an intellectual discussion about what makes men and women different, and what science has to say about our behavior and sexual interactions with each other, and that is exactly what I got. It would take me years to heal my heart and mind, but the content of this book was a great escape for me to endure the non-stop ticking of time, while I mustered enough courage to move on. This book was good company, entertaining and educational. It mixes in anecdotes, field research, investigation, statistics and an open mind about the dynamics between those with chromosomes XX and XY. There's formal and a non-judgemental discussion about theories on why people cheat, why women are able to hide their pregnancy over the course of the first couple of weeks, on why men and women might be attracted to certain stereotypes of partners and what the evolutionary purpose of homosexuality might be. I've learnt so much in the past couple of years, so to give my personal opinion on weather I consider these theories to be valid or not... I would have to read the book again. But, for now, I can say I had loads of fun while reading it. Still, whatever you encounter within its pages, I would suggest you take with you only what you consider to be worthy of remembering. The world's a batch of infinite possibilities, so take the contents of this book as inspiration to keeping an open mind as you learn about life throughout your journey.
Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews