Signs In The Rearview Mirror: Leaving a Toxic Relationship Behind

by Kelly Smith

What kind of person ends up in a toxic relationship? And why does she stay? This searingly honest novel answers both those questions head-on. Coming out of a failing marriage, Kelly turns to Gabe out of fear of being alone. Her gradual slide into danger is at once terrifying and inevitable, and the steps she takes to get out of it will both inspire and offer hope.

110 pages, Kindle Edition

Published April 3, 2018

About the author

Kelly Smith is a published author originally from Boston, now based in Austin, Texas. After launching her writing career in nonfiction, she transitioned into fiction to explore emotional depth and complexity that only storytelling can reveal.

Kelly's work is known for its authenticity, emotional insight, and compelling characters.

When she's not writing, she enjoys life in Austin, diving into a good book, exploring national parks, hanging with her two schnauzers, and finding inspiration for her next novel in the everyday.

Reviews

[Berit☀️✨ · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a raw and real look into toxic relationships... what I truly appreciated about this book was that the victim of abuse in this book was a strong smart woman... abuse does not discriminate and unfortunately I think a lot of times the victims are portrayed as frail weak women... how many times have you heard “why doesn’t she just leave“ or “I’ve never let anybody treat me that way.“ well, as somebody who has been in an extremely toxic relationship with a narcissistic abusive man I can tell you it is not that easy..... especially when the abuse is verbal and emotional, because the bruises are on the inside... when I look back now I realize how much I put up with and believe me I put up with it for very long time, however at the time I was just trying as hard as I could to keep my family together.... I realize this is a lot to share in a review, but this book was so real and Kelly really laid herself bare, so I felt this was only fair........

In this book Kelly has recently separated from her husband... she reconnects with a high school friend Gabe on Facebook.... Kelly and Gabe begin a romantic relationship, he seems perfect, but all is not as it seems.... but Kelly is invested and excited about her new love.... and above all she does not want to be alone, the very thought terrifies her....

This is an extremely emotional and realistic look at a toxic relationship.... how Kelly got into it.... why Kelly stayed in it.... and how she eventually got out of it... whether or not you have ever been in an abusive relationship this book really paints an honest picture of the cycle of abuse... I’d encourage everyone to read this one because after reading this you will never blame the victim again... both inspirational and heartbreaking but most of all truthful....

*** many thanks to the author and Rachel at Rachel’s Random Resources for my copy of this book ***

[Dash fan · Rating 4 out of 5]

4☆ A Thought Provoking, Raw and Poignant Read

Signs in the Rearview Mirror: Leaving A Toxic Relationship Behind is a powerfully honest and emotional look into an abusive relationship and breaking free.

Dating someone is always a scary yet exciting time. We can only go on first impressions as we get to know each other.
But what happens when things change. The person who you thought you knew turned out to be abusive.
Could you walk away?
It's easy for people to judge but until you have been in that situation, I don't think it's easy to say.

Well this is exactly what happened to Kelly.
She knew Gabe from school. So when they make contact with each other via social media, Kelly never imagined that their seemingly perfect relationship would become Toxic and abusive.
Gabe is manipulative, controlling, and mentally abuses Kelly.
You ask why doesn't she just walk away?
Well what this book does is explain just that...!

I felt alot of compassion towards Kelly, she hasn't had the easiest of starts. We all long for happiness and love, no one wants to face the world alone.
But watching her gain her strength and courage to break free was uplifting and powerful.

Signs in the Rearview Mirror is a thought provoking, raw and poignant read. It's a powerful story of hope and courage.
Delving into the cycle of abuse women and men can find themselves in and the journey and strength to break free.

I applaud Author Kelly Smith for being so raw and open and laying her emotions out there.
This book will definitely help people to understand more about abusive relationships, but also people will be able to relate to Kelly's story.
I urge you to read this powerful book.

Thank you to Rachel Random Resources for this copy which I reviewed honestly and voluntarily.

My Review is also on my Blog Website :-

https://dashfan81.blogspot.com/2018/0...

[Alison · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a book for anyone who has weathered the storm of a toxic relationship or even if you haven’t it’s a decent insight into what happens and how the victim slides into various forms of self abuse in the hope of becoming somebody else to please the abuser.

Kelly has opened up and laid her life bare in Signs in the Rearview Mirror she is now your average American but at the start of the book she is in a relationship which leads to a pregnancy at age seventeen. For both of them it wasn’t the way life was planned. Even though her and Derek stuck together for a lengthy time trying to make the family unit work it never seemed enough for her.

So when she opened up her facebook one day and found an ex-school crush she was hesitant about sending a friend request … that reminds me of a song, anyway I digress. With hindsight she should have logged off and forgotten Gabe existed but no they re-connect and therein all her problems begin.

The remainder of the book is a recount of what happens, she is upset when her and hubby file for divorce yet also lusts after Gabe. It seems to me the regret of losing the safety net of her marriage has left her vulnerable, so even when it becomes abundantly clear what Gabe is like she doesn’t have the strength to kick him to the kerb because she is afraid of being alone. Face it she has gone from her parents’ who had their own issues which reflect on her, straight into marriage and parenthood at a young age .. then onto Gabe. She hasn’t had an opportunity to be herself or let herself grow.

I read the book and felt sorry for her at times but also wondered why she tolerated some of Gabe’s actions. It’s easy to say ‘leave’ I am well aware of that and the fact she was facing depression made it harder but even so I and I’m sure herself wish she could have found the courage earlier.

Signs in the Rearview Mirror is a tale that shows the real anguish of the author, a truthful account of her life of abuse which must have been quite hard to share, at times emotional but also by the end shows signs of bravery coming through. It could well help people going through that very cycle right now and give them confidence that it is ok to break free .. you don’t have to be a victim for life.

Thanks to the author, publisher and Rachel at Random Resources for my copy which I reviewed voluntarily.

[Christie Page · Rating 5 out of 5]

I started this book with the intent to read a few chapters before a meeting and pick it back up again later. I ended up reading the book cover to cover, right through my meeting. This book was inspired, insightful and introspective. I began reading the familiar signs of a toxic relationship and was pleasantly surprised to find that this was not a book about assigning blame or finger-pointing but a poignant look into how easy it is to fall victim under the expert manipulation of those who prey. This book is a must read!

[Dina Capone · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a great open honest book about overt Narcissism. I think it will still help people that are dealing with covert narcissism because the end result is the same but there are a lot of differences between overt and covert narcissism. But all in all I applaud her for her bravery and being so open about some of the things that we don’t like to admit to ourselves when we are in this type of situation

[Amanda Nguyen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a page-turner for sure. I am so proud of the author for putting her experiences of a toxic relationship in a book for others to have hope.

[Jennifer Gilmour · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is an important read for many, it has the power to create change. I always find it courageous of an author to put their story out there and Kelly has done just that. Its not an easy read at times but it is a fast paced book that leads you on from one incident to another. I felt that I was reading the book as it was spilling out of Kelly’s mind and onto the pages at times, skipping into what was yet to come when we were at the early stages of the relationship. This made it an interesting read as I wanted to know how it got to those future points of time.

Sign’s In The Rearview Mirror is honest, thought provoking and on a subject that shouldn’t be ignored. Toxic relationships are often talked about but looking at what makes them toxic is the other side and one that isn’t covered enough. Thank you Kelly for bringing light to a dark situation and for letting readers know there is a way out, despite the difficulty.

I commend Kelly for her bravery and not just this book but the passion she has that has come from bringing this book to our shelves. Kelly is always tackling hard topics head on and bringing them to discussion. All of this is why I am rating it a 5* read, those who do read it I urge you to connect with Kelly because she is uplifting and positive; always welcoming feedback and further discussion for her own interest.

[Jessica · Rating 5 out of 5]

All my reviews can be found at: http://jessicasreadingroom.com
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This review will appear on my site on July 10, 2021.
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Signs in the Rearview Mirror is Kelly Smith’s firsthand account of her toxic relationship and how she finally escaped from it. She speaks to us herself telling her story, though names have been fictionalized. Kelly leaves her marriage where she was not the best spouse herself, thus exposing her children to a bad female relationship example. Then via Facebook (isn’t it always through Facebook!) she reconnects and then turns to Gabe who she barely knew in high school and once had a meaningful conversation. Out of her fear of being alone she began a long-distance relationship. Looking back, she now sees the warning signs, but chose to ignore them and the danger she was putting herself and her children in.
Many times, you may think it is a ‘mild and meek’ person who falls into a toxic relationship, but Kelly was far from that. Since these kinds of relationships actually do exist, it was helpful to see a stronger woman can also fall into the trap of a toxic relationship. This memoir would definitely help those who have not been in a toxic relationship or say they would never find themselves in one.

Kelly’s relationship with Gabe gradually got worse over time, but eventually she was able to leave. There were so many times as I was reading this memoir that I was hoping at Kelly would leave Gabe. This was a quick but also difficult read as this was what someone actually went through in her life. And many women (and also men!) experience this life daily.

Bravo to Kelly for sharing her experiences and story with the world. This is a book that can help those that are in a similar relationship. To them: You CAN succeed and get out of that toxic relationship! I actually plan to put my copy of this memoir in my local free little library in hope that it might help someone who sees this memoir and in this type of relationship.

Signs in the Rearview Mirror is recommended.

[Joy · Rating 4 out of 5]

MY THOUGHTS ON THIS BOOK 

Kelly Smith does amazing work in writing this book. I admire her for her honesty and vulnerability as she tells her story. She digs very deep into her life and the toxic relationship she was in. Starting with the steps of how she became involved in this relationship, not even realizing what she is doing.

I have never been in an abusive relationship so I can not relate to Kelly and what she went through. Sometimes I don’t understand why women don’t just leave, and I understand this better after reading Signs in the Rearview Mirror. Though I understood some of why a person put themselves in this situation, I really didn’t understand until I read this book. So for me, this book is full of new information for me. And even if I don’t use it, I hope I can help someone else, turn them in the right direction. Give them a copy of Kelly’s book. Point them to Celebrate Recovery for help. I am familiar with this program and it is a great one!!

I feel this is a must read for anyone who is in an abusive relationship. And even for people who want to be more knowledgeable about the situations involved. You won’t go wrong buying this book! A big Thank you to author Kelly Smith for writing the awesome book.

A special thanks to the author/publisher for a copy of this book. I am not required to write a positive review, the opinions here are mine alone. I am disclosing this with my review in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255.

[Cheryl M-M · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the story of Kelly Smith. It’s an autobiographical account of her experiences in an abusive relationship, but it is also in a way an attempt to apologise for her own failings in her relationships.

It is incredibly hard to admit to your own mistakes or wrong paths taken in your life. Smith does so to a certain extent, but there is either an attempt to shield or a refusal to dive too deeply. I can understand both of those reasons. It’s hard enough to share your mistakes with the world without opening up your soul, so complete strangers can have a good look around.

Shame, blame and guilt walk hand in hand with fear, anger and a sense of powerlessness when you end up in an abusive relationship, especially when you involve children in such a dangerous situation. You can’t take back the impressions, the experiences or indeed the impact of experiencing or being around abuse has on a young mind. It’s important to note, and the author does at the very beginning of this book, that this is the story from her perspective. Her children will have a completely different view on her choices and why she chose Gabe over her safety and their safety over and over again.

Abusive relationships are hard for outsiders to understand. There are a lot of misconceptions about why the abused stays and also the level of support there is depending on where you live.

I think it is very important to note that the author acknowledges, albeit in a less focused way, her own abusive behaviour towards her first husband. The way she treats the people she loves/loved is through her own frame of references. Her own references were determined by the volatile and loveless relationship with her own mother, and her father the alcoholic.

On a side note it’s interesting that Smith holds fonder memories of the abusive drunk, and is more antagonistic towards the mother who lived with the abusive drunk. Has she inadvertently reproduced a scenario where she gives her children reason to dislike her choices, her narcissistic tendencies and indeed is herself the volatile verbally abusive person she saw in her own mother.

The author talks a lot about the how and why of ending up in a relationship with Gabe has been steered by her own sense of insecurity and lack of self-worth. For me this is closure. The end of this chapter in her life, and in a way the written word may make it more real and definitive for her.

Kudos to the author for finally extracting herself from an abusive and damaging relationship, and for trying to comprehend the damage it caused. The most important thing is acknowledging and then being strong enough to cut the ties that bind.

I think it is commendable to try and break the cycle. To try and change the habits of a lifetime and to try and move forward. None of it is a guarantee that your loved ones will forgive or forget, but perhaps everyone can find a way forward.

The author needed to see the cycle to be able to break out of it and I hope she continues to search and grow from her epiphanies. It’s an honest read, albeit a hard one at times.
*I received a free copy courtesy of the author*

[Jéssica · Rating 5 out of 5]

I haven't read a book like this before. The openness in the writing style was refreshing, because Kelly give us the opportunity to get to know her, to learn her story and to understand things before judging the situation.

She talks about a lot of aspect of her life, about her childhood, bout love and marriage, about fear... And Kelly is open about her life so we can create empathy, we can relate, we can understand her side of the story, because she's very honest and open about it.

Personally, I think a book like this, so true, real, strong... it may help a lot of people that are victims of toxic relationships and abuse to have that connection, to feel as if they are not alone, that there is more people out there to support them, to support each other, and it may give them courage to keep going, to do something about their lives (either seek out help to leave the toxic environment or to have strength to fight every demon in their lives).

I don't feel like it's right to criticize people for not leaving, and they taught us in college (when I was getting my Social Education degree) that we have to be open minded and listen to the client, the patient, the person seeking help. No matter what we think... So this book is amazing to me not only because it shows how strong Kelly is, but also because from a technician (social educator) perspective it's the kind of book that may help us do activities with people that when through similar situations.

It was not only a thought provoking book, but also heartbreaking, inspiring and powerful. And that's why I recommend it to everyone. It may help you open your mind the next time you listen of read anything about a victim of a toxic relationship instead of blame the victim or thinking she/he was dumb for not seeing the signs or for not leaving sooner. No one except the victims really know what is like to be in that kind of situation, and Kelly Smith gives us a honest book that I hope can helps a lot of people.

That been said, thank you Kelly for sharing your story with us. Thank you for purring your heart into those 200 plus pages and giving us the change to get to know you. Thank you!

[Thank you Rachel, at Rachel’s Random Resources, and Kelly for the eCopy of the book and for allowing me to be a part of this blog tour and give my honest review.]

[Samzy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Signs in the review mirror - Kelly Smith

I don’t even know how to begin this review because I don’t think anything I could write would do this book enough justification on how eye opening and life changing this book has been to me.

This book tells the tail of the author Kelly Smith’s experience in a toxic relationship and domestic violence situation and how she didn’t see the signs at first. The author falls out of a marriage and finds her self fallen head over heals for a new guy Gabe, at first Gabe seems like the perfect most gentlemen she’s ever met....but as the relationship progresses things turn toxic quickly.
This book is set from Kelly’s perspective now. How she missed so many signs that she was quickly getting herself into the toxic relationship and why she got herself into it.
The book is more then inspiring it... it shows how in every toxic relationship there is always to parts to it..the abuser and the person that accepts the abuse. And that there is always a reason the abused accepts the abuse. Even though they may not realise it at the time.
This book was one of the most amazing and compelling true stories I’ve ever read. It has been a massive eye opener and to everyone single one of you that has been in some sort of abusive or toxic relationships no matter what kind whether it be your parents, a partner a friend etc I could not recommend this book enough. It has truely changed my life, I honestly don’t even want to write a proper review for this book because i could not do it justice. I just want to enforce as i have said above if you have ever been in any kind of toxic/abusive relationships READ THIS BOOK!

And final words from me are thank you so much kelly for opening my eyes and helping me learn so much about myself. You are a truely a brave and beautiful soul to be willing to put all of into words to help others!

[Caroline Venables · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book broaches the subject of toxic partnerships, and does so successfully.  This is a true account of a relationship the author, Kelly Smith was part of.  She wrote the book to share her experiences with others so that they might recognise the signs of an unhealthy pairing.
Kelly discusses frankly the decline of the relationship, and why she made the decisions she did. It can be hard for outsiders to understand why someone would stay with a partner like Gabe.  They say ‘oh just leave’, it really isn’t that easy, as Kelly shows in the book.  People like Gabe are good manipulators,  the warning signs are easily missed, and once their true colours are revealed, its hard to just leave.
Kelly describes how a competent mother of three, spirals within a destructive relationship, losing her confidence and self esteem.
This isn’t an easy read but I highly recommend it, if you recognise any of the traits Gabe has, take a step back and ask yourself.  Am I in a healthy relationship?  Is this good for me?  Well done to Kelly for having the resolve to pen such a personal account.
This book may contain triggers for some readers.
Purchase Links
Amazon UK – https://www.amazon.co.uk/Signs-Rearvi...
Amazon US – https://www.amazon.com/Signs-Rearview...

[Donna Maguire · Rating 5 out of 5]

https://donnasbookblog.wordpress.com/...

I found this book quite hard to review, it is not one I would normally read but it intrigued me and I wanted to know more.

It is an honest and open look at toxic relationships, and whilst I have never been in one myself, I know a few people that have and it was quite shocking to read what some people really go through in this situation.

I think Kelly has done a superb job in opening up and sharing her thoughts and feelings in this book and I hope it inspires anyone who has been in a similar situation.

5 stars from me – certainly one that made me think. Very well written and wholeheartedly think it deserves every star I’ve given it.

[Kelly Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

And she left her toxic relationship with herself behind...bravo!!!

[Jasmine · Rating 5 out of 5]

Signs in the Rearview Mirror is an eye-opening book. It tackles the tough subject of abusive relationships, and it showcases the reasoning the author had for sticking it out for as long as she did. Why do people stay in toxic relationships? Fear. Loneliness. What they think is love. Hope for change. There are a myriad of reasons, and while others may think it's easy to just leave and stop using those reasons as excuses, it's honestly not. As someone who was in a toxic, abusive relationship for almost nine years, I get it. As someone who grew up with a toxic parent, I get it. Reading this book made me relate to and understand the author in a way I think some readers may not. If you haven't experienced this sort of thing, it may be harder to understand. The red flags are everywhere, but still, there's that small spark of hope lingering, and that's what you latch onto.
This book is one I would consider a must-read. It really does shine a light on something that happens to people, mostly women, every day. It's not pretty. It's not easy. And it needs to be talked about more. This book does a pretty good job at showcasing the common signs of a toxic relationship, and what to look out for and hopefully avoid, or overcome if you're already dealing with a toxic person.
Finding the courage to leave is hard. But suffering in silence is worse. I applaud the author for finally taking control of her life back. For finally being able to say, hey, I don't deserve to be treated this way. My children don't need to be around this. They don't need to growing up thinking this is how men should treat women (or vice versa). Getting help is one of the best (and bravest) things one can do. As is cutting ties and removing that person from your life for good. And the weight that gets lifted is one of the most freeing feelings ever.
Signs in the Rearview Mirror is a wonderfully honest memoir, and I think everyone should read it.
5 stars!

[AJ Martin · Rating 4 out of 5]

The message in this book was extremely important, and I love how Kelly Smith wrote this book. She incorporated tips and advice into a narrative, which made it easier for me personally to read.

I really liked how she included the ways her family and friends felt and reacted to the relationship she had with Gabe. I think this added a bit more of a rare red flag for toxic relationships. It also helped show just how much damage a toxic relationship can do.

I also loved that she was a strong woman who could admit when she did something wrong or toxic compared to the weak woman victims are typically depicted as. It showed how abuse can claim anybody as a victim, which made the entire thing more real.

I think this book is a great guide and example to people whether they're currently in a relationship - toxic or not - or even single. Kelly Smith gives advice on how to notice and escape a toxic relationship, which can be extremely important for anyone. She didn't sugarcoat anything, which can also be extremely helpful. I do suggest people read this even if it's just so you know what to look out for and how to get out of the situation if you ever were to encounter it.

Disclaimer: I received a free copy of this book via iRead Book Tours and am voluntarily leaving a review.

[Misty · Rating 5 out of 5]

Signs in the Rearview Mirror: Leaving a Toxic Relationship Behind by Kelly Smith was a touching audio book that anyone in a toxic relationship should take the time to listen to or read as it might just help them get away and improve their lives. This was not one of those step by step self help books written by some ghost writer, but instead a useful book written by a woman who has been there herself and managed to get out and not lose hope for future relationships.

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Signs in the Rearview Mirror: Leaving a Toxic Relationship Behind is a great read to me. There were a few times, I had to remind myself that this was someone else’s story and not my own. I was most definitely able to relate to this book. I wish I had my hands on it fifteen to twenty years ago when I found myself in the exact same situation. It would have given so much hope. No one understands what you are going through unless they have been through it themselves. The author does not hold back I admire the courage she had to tell the world of what happened to her, being truthful with herself, and how she was able to overcome and make a change.

I had the pleasure of listening to the audio version of Signs in the Rearview Mirror: Leaving a Toxic Relationship Behind. Kelly Smith, the author herself, is the narrator. I could not think of anyone else who could have done a better job to tell her story. No one would have been able to tell such an emotional time like she did.

Signs in the Rearview Mirror: Leaving a Toxic Relationship Behind is getting a very well deserved five plus stars. I highly recommend it for those who have been through or currently living through an abusive or toxic relationship. I believe it will give them so much needed hope. It would, also, be beneficial for those who have loved one who have experienced or is experiencing abuse, as well.

I received the audio version of this book from the publisher. This review is 100% my own honest opinion.

[Tabitha (Tabi Thoughts) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Signs In The Rearview Mirror is an enlightening, courageous, and powerful book detailing Kelly Smith’s personal experience with a toxic relationship. Though the book largely focuses on Smith’s romantic relationship, it also touches on her impaired relationship with her mother and how that relationship affected her into adulthood.

Signs In The Rearview Mirror paints a clear picture as to how a toxic relationship begins and ends. Through Kelly’s experience, we are able to become more aware of the red flags that present themselves as well as what attracts us to these relationships in the first place.

Read my full review on the blog: https://tabithoughts.com/book-review-...

[Lisa]

Signs In The Rear View Mirror is written with courage, strength and honesty. Kelly's story is one people the world over are experiencing and more often than not in silence.
*Domestic abuse effects 1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men. On average 2 women are being murdered a week and 30 men per year due to Domestic violence.
We need more people like Kelly to tell their story, to make people living in fear aware they are not alone and to give them the courage to do something about it.
Kelly's story is brutally honest and shows how someone can be living within an abusive relationship that they just can't simply walk away from. It shows how a relationship like this has a knock on effect not only to the person in the relationship but also their children.
Kelly lived through the most horrendous few years but her story shows she is a true survivor and gives hope to anyone else in the same situation.
Kelly, you're an inspiration!
*statistics taken from LWA Living Without Abuse