Thriving With Social Anxiety: Daily Strategies for Overcoming Anxiety and Building Self-Confidence

by Hattie C. Cooper, Kyle Macdonald (Foreword)

Social anxiety doesn’t have to hold you back! Break free from social anxiety and take control of your life with this compact yet comprehensive resource. Within, you’ll find immediate, easy-to-use methods for slowing down, calming down, and being present in the moment while you work to overcome social anxiety. With Thriving With Social Anxiety as your companion, you can be your best self in any situation. The book includes:

• 5, 10, and 30-minute therapeutic strategies
• Sample daily schedules for managing social anxiety
• Pros and cons of popular treatments, such as cognitive behavioral therapy and mindfulness
• Natural remedies, including meditation, essential oils, diet, and exercise
• Methods for enhancing confidence and assertiveness

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Psychology, Audiobook, Mental Health, Communication, Personal Growth

187 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2014

About the author

Hattie C. Cooper grew up in northern California where she spent the majority of her childhood in the orthodontist chair or band practice. After wearing headgear in first grade she realized she wanted more out of life and pursued a BA in English, a minor in Psychology, and a MFA in Creative Writing. She loves animals, tea, nature, Jim Lovell, and Balvenie Doublewood single malt scotch. Hattie wishes she owned some sheep.

Reviews

[Jessica Boling · Rating 5 out of 5]

I deal with social anxiety. I think that I am able to control it around others pretty well, on the outside it seems that way at least. On the inside I am shrinking and constantly thinking about what I could have done better or what I think others are thinking about me (almost always negative). This book has been able to help me with some of these problems that I internalize. This book is all about drug free responses to dealing with anxiety. It details different strategies in which to help with different situations.
I like how this book not only gives ideas on ways to deal with your internalizing anxiety but also gives different meditation and breathing exercises as well natural and dietary remedies.
Do you only have 5 minutes a day to deal with anxiety? 10 minutes? 30 minutes? This book gives you different ways to help with any of these time frames.

The back of the book holds several journaling pages to help with your healing as well as for note taking.

I was given this book for free in exchange for my honest reveiw. All opinions are my own.

[Nicole · Rating 3 out of 5]

*Listened to on audiobook*

"Even if something bad happens, you'll still be stronger for having experienced it and lived through it"

This is not going to be a very long review simply because this was a really short, straight, to the point audiobook. I decided to pick this book up after finishing my reread of "How to Quiet Your Inner Critic" by Ellen Hendricksen. This book showed up in my recommended list on scribd and it appeared to have good enough reviews on goodreads, plus it was only 5 hours long (2.5 if you listened to it on 2x speed, which I did) so I decided to give it a go. Honestly, I would describe this book as generic at best. It was a very impersonal book filled with a lot of advice that was never truly elaborated on. For starters, there were multiple parts of this book that felt like I was reading a textbook. I obviously understand the need for there to be theories and explanations to things before we dive into them, and I'm also aware that while I do know what the DSM-V is and what it defines as anxiety, a lot of people might not. None the less, I feel like the author could've chosen another way to transmit this knowledge that didn't feel like she was quoting word for word from the DSM-V, or from research studies, or web pages, etc. I kid you not within the first 10 minutes the narrator was listing off all of the different signs and symptoms of anxiety word for word from the DSM-V, even including things like "A. etc etc, criteria B. etc etc". It felt boring and dull and was a common theme throughout the rest of the book.

Possibly the biggest thing that annoyed me about this book was just how vague and non commital it was. This book is marketed as having "Daily strategies for overcoming anxiety" but it really doesn't. The author exposes numerous different scenarios that may cause anxiety, mentions how if you do A, B or C then you're letting your anxiety control you, then either gives a very generic tip (be mindful, exercise, expose yourself) or goes off on a tangent and starts talking about something else, never going back to those first scenarios mentioned at the beginning of most chapters. It would annoy me when i'd relate to the scenarios being told and would think to myself "huh, I do avoid going to parties for fear of having no one to talk to" and would get excited about seeing what techniques the author would give to combat this, but then the author would start talking about something else, and never truly go back to this specific situation and tell me how I could manage and overcome my anxiety. It was just so much more vague than Hendricksen's book, where you actually get tips directly related to multiple situations that could trigger one's SA. Also, although this book is marketed as being for social anxiety, it really reads more like a general anxiety book. There are very few chapters solely dedicated to problems that someone with SA would face, and we actually get a lot of parts of the book where the author talks about other types of phobias, like being scared of going to the dentist for reason completely unrelated to socializing with the doctor. The author also states at the beginning of the book that you should feel free to skim any chapters you didn't find helpful, so I did skim the chapters on medidation and exercise, due to the fact that I've tried meditation before and have not found it helpful, and I already have a healthy exercise routine.

Now the reason why this book isn't rated a lot lower than three stars is mainly because unlike other self help books i've read, this book at least does encourage the reader to seek out proffesional help and see a therapist or get medication to treat their anxiety. I was really grateful that the author didn't stigmatize seeking out help from a professional and instead promoted it and offered it as a healthy option to explore in multiple chapters. I also did like some small areas of the book, such as the quote mentioned at the beginning of this review, the idea of celebrating the steps one takes to achieve your goal, not just celebrating it when you achieve it (so, for example, celebrating the fact that you had the courage to say hi to a stranger even if you're ultimate goal is to start a conversation with a stranger) and always remembering to practice gratitude. Overall, this book didn't really do anything for me. It didn't give me more tools that I could use to better my social anxiety and also wasn't really insightful, but it wasn't harmful either and it did make me more self aware of certain things. That being said, if you're struggling with social anxiety I would 100% recommend reading Ellen Hendricksens book (not sponsored I swear lol) instead, as it gives much more concrete, in depth advice.

[Mark · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an excellent book if what you are looking for is a list of ideas you could practice to become social anxiety. It is built on the premise that our anxieties are lessened by our actions, which is the heart of CBT or cognitive behavioral therapy. The foundation of CBT is that feelings, thoughts, and actions all influence each other. While my feelings might overwhelm me, I can act and influence my feelings. So, the list is useful but not a guarantee to overcoming anxiety. This is because each person is going to have different experiences and anxiety requires experimentation with a variety of methods to cope with it. We will never get rid of our anxiety. What we can do is minimize its effect by making better choices.

[AJ · Rating 2 out of 5]

Lame. Includes tons of information that’s SO basic and obvious, and things that the vast majority of ppl would know instinctively, that it should embarrass the author. It makes me question her credentials — or the general value of an education in this field.

This book was mostly waste of time. Don’t bother.

[Paige Gibson · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a good book to learn more about social anxiety if you are just learning about the topic. I thought this was going to provide more insight from a psychological perspective. Most of the material I was familiar with, but it was a quick read and I enjoyed the check-in scenario quizzes in each chapter.

[Rabbit {Paint me like one of your 19th century gothic heroines!} · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book, because this book covers a lot of methods that my therapist has me do or has taught me. It would be great to have an at-home reference. (I have Bipolar Type I, PTSD, along with just being an anxious mess most of the time yay).

[Marshall · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m a psychologist and work with social anxiety a lot. I thought this was a fantastic book and I plan to recommend to clients.

[Stacy · Rating 2 out of 5]

I had high hopes for this book because the title made me think it would offer tips and ideas that I hadn’t tried before, or that it would offer new ways of thinking about things. However, I found that it had a lot of generalized suggestions, many of which you could find in any self-help book (ie. practice mindfulness/meditation, eat better, exercise more, go to a therapist, etc.).

I had also hoped that I would see some examples in the book that I could identify with. However, there were very few specific examples of people with social anxiety, and the examples that were there were very brief and seemed overly simplified. For instance, there was an example with a man who had avoided the dentist for many years because kids had made fun of his “crooked” teeth when he was younger. Now he was afraid to go to the dentist because he was worried the dentist would be mad at him for not coming sooner. So he went to a therapist and they did some gradual exposure theory, and eventually he went to the dentist. This felt oversimplified to me. If he was that scared of the dentist, wasn’t he scared of other social situations, such as going to talk to a therapist (a stranger) about his fears?

On a similar note, I would have liked to have seen more tips and advice on how to get started with therapy. It seems illogical to think that those with social anxiety could just easily call somebody up, set up an appointment, and go ahead and start talking to a stranger about all their fears. I would have liked to see some suggestions about this, rather than just a statement that you should go to therapy. There was one paragraph about it at the very end of the book (in the conclusion), but it wasn’t very helpful and really didn’t have any specific advice. I would have liked to have seen some information about how to find a therapist, how to evaluate a therapist and know if they are right for you, and how to even get to the point of being comfortable enough to even make an appointment. None of this was covered in the book.

Also, there were several short quizzes throughout the book that featured stressful social situations, and you were supposed to choose from four answers about how you would deal with the situation. Usually, one answer was something that seemed like only people who didn’t have social anxiety would choose (ie. “just go to the event and not worry about it” kind of a thing), and then the other three answers seemed to be choices that people might make if they had mild social anxiety (they were usually all some form of “go to the event even though it may be difficult”). It was weird to me that there were never any options like “choose not to go because it seems too overwhelming.” That seems like an obvious answer for a person with social anxiety.

There were a few sections that seemed promising at first. For example, there was a section that talked about different types of anxious thinking. It seemed like it covered a good variety of anxious thinking, and I wrote down the ones that seemed similar to the ways I think sometimes. I assumed that it would then offer advice for how to deal with these specific types of anxious thinking. However, it did not. It basically just reiterated some advice that it had already given previously, which was essentially to try to stop yourself from thinking these things and just think positively instead. I was frustrated after realizing that there was no advice specific to the types of anxious thinking that the book just outlined. It wasn’t clear to me why it went through the different types if it wasn’t going to give specific advice about each type. General advice to just stop thinking negatively and instead think positively is just not helpful for me (and I wouldn’t think it would be helpful for most others, either).

A lot of the advice seemed too general to be helpful. For example, there was a lot of repetitive advice to just stop thinking negatively and replace your thoughts with more positive thoughts. If someone invites you to lunch and you’re worried that they just did it out of pity, you’re supposed to just not think that way. I wish they would have provided more in-depth examples and talked more thoroughly about working through them, rather than just having vague advice about thinking more positively.

There was another example where it said to tell yourself in anxious situations that your anxiety will likely just fade away in a few minutes. These types of statements were really frustrating to me, because if I’m reading a book about social anxiety, obviously my anxiety does not just “fade away in a few minutes.” Why would you need a book on dealing with social anxiety if your anxiety just fades away after a few minutes? The book was filled with this kind of unrealistic advice. I wish there were some more practical ideas in this book.

I ended up skipping most of the chapter about meditation because the quiz in that chapter was too upsetting. I’ve tried meditation many times and I have never been able to get it to work for me. I’ve read multiple books on the topic and have spent a number of hours trying to do it, but have not been successful. The quiz gave a scenario about going to a meditation class with a friend, and getting anxious because it wasn’t working, and then feeling embarrassed and upset because everyone else in the class seemed to be doing fine. The answers felt really condescending, and they were worded in such a way that made it obvious that the author’s opinion was that you are not really trying if you aren’t getting it. Needless to say, I skipped the rest of that chapter.

I was really interested to read the chapter on “quality alone time versus isolation,” because it sounded like a topic that I hadn’t heard anything about yet. I thought that would likely be a section of the book that I could learn something from. However, as with the other chapters, the quiz was frustrating and unrelatable. There was no option for just staying home and relaxing instead of attending the social event. If you chose to stay home, that option was accompanied with a statement saying that you’ve “convinced yourself” that you would prefer to stay in for the night, as though it’s unacceptable to decline any social event, and no rational person would do so.

I didn’t really get anything out of that chapter, and I was disappointed about that. It talked about isolation, but it didn’t explain how to tell how much is “too much” alone time. I always want more alone time. Is that a problem? Is that bad? Should I not want more alone time? I couldn’t tell from the chapter. At one point, it talked about feeling alone while in a group of people. The scenario was (finally) very relatable, and was about a group of people talking about a subject, and you having something to say, but there just isn’t a pause in the conversation so you can say what you wanted to say. It also said you felt like people might not care about what you have to say, and then it said you feel alone when this happens. I disagree that this situation would make you feel alone if you have social anxiety—you are getting to be with a group of people but you also do not have to feel like you are expected to talk and the attention is not on you. This is the perfect situation for someone with social anxiety. You get to hear from others, but you don’t have to say anything at all. There is no pressure and no one is expecting you to say anything. That’s a huge relief, and one of the easiest ways to interact with people without too much stress. I guess if you really, really want to talk in front of a group of people, this could be stressful. But it doesn’t seem likely that someone with social anxiety really wants to talk a lot in front of a group of people.

Overall, this book might be helpful for people who have really mild social anxiety. However, I would not recommend it for anyone who has anything more than that, as you will likely just find it frustrating.

[Sallie Snyder · Rating 4 out of 5]

Although it is a slower read compared to a thriller or mystery book, this book is great! As someone that has severe social anxiety, I think Hattie really nailed all of her points and provided some great tools for those of us that do have social anxiety. I love that during each of the chapters it gives you exercises you can do based on how much time you have. The little quizzes in the book help you define where you may be at with your social anxiety. Something I truly loved about this book was that she did not use super complicated medical terminology. It is nice to be able to read a book and completely understand it. People don't typically buy books like this unless they really want to know more about the subject or are looking for some guidance.

[Kristin · Rating 3 out of 5]

The first thing I learned while reading this book is that I won't be diagnosed with social anxiety because I've already been diagnosed with panic disorder and general anxiety. Supposedly, social anxiety is just one of the many pieces of those diagnoses. However, the various coping mechanisms and suggestions in this book were useful to me anyway. The thought of forcing myself to do more of the social things that bother me is both scary but also interesting, and I'd like to do so with baby steps in mind. I gave this 3 stars.

[Courtney · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really liked this book. Each chapter gives a thorough overview of a different coping skill. I took this one to heart and opened my mind to it and it has given much back to me.

[Richard Shank · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think a lot of people have anxiety in social scenarios, so even if one does not have an official diagnosis, this book has a lot of helpful suggestions. It also explains some of the mechanics behind those feelings. Hopefully this provides insight to anyone in a professional setting to help others overcome or at least deal with the anxiety and give reassurance to be successful in the modern day work setting.

In personal and social settings, this book also has a good bit to offer. Not a technical book and serves as an easy read through many of the subjects. Helpful exercises if you're into that.

I think this would also be a great book for any parent in helping their kids out with these complex social issues and could really change some lives for the better.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

Read as an audiobook.

Cooper defines social anxiety and provides many positive tips on how to thrive with it. Some I found interesting and helpful, and some others I've seen mentioned before. I particularly found the mentioning of "noticing the senses" around you when you're anxious to be exceptionally helpful. Many of the tactics Cooper stated I already instill into my life when I'm feeling overly anxious, such as chamomile tea or warm baths. I think if you're looking for tactics to calm your anxiety and/or social anxiety, many of the techniques Cooper mentions could be beneficial for you.

[Kristen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some of what the author talks about seemed "obvious" (as other reviewers mentioned) but even reading the obvious gives confirmation where some people need it so I was okay with that.

What I liked best: there's a lot of connections drawn between social anxiety and other aspects of one's life that I didn't even realize were connected and it gave me a greater understanding of why certain situations are difficult for me.

What I disliked: too much assuming around the same type of social anxiety. Even though the author says that social anxiety can manifest in different ways, all her examples are on the same track.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

Just started this book, have not finished, but wanted to note how off putting the narrator's reading cadance is... They are not the author. They sound... Fake? Robotic? Monotonous? Maybe it is just the forward?

Gave up due to the non-conversational narration and the fact that I don't think I have Social Anxiety Disorder. I really enjoy going out now. I want to talk to strangers in safe situations. I have the courage to talk to people, depending on the situation and the circumstance. Talking to a couple or family or group of friends at a rooftop firepit at a local brewery or restaurant? non-issue. Sitting alone at a bar or table and interacting with people in the area? Non-issue.

[Alexx · Rating 5 out of 5]

this book is amazing! i struggle with bad social anxiety and just reading the different type of coping skills and just ways to overcome social anxiety really helped me understand it better! i took a lot of notes as well however i was surprised that this book actually helped me compared to other self help books that dont do any justice to mental illnesses. anyways if you have social anxiety, know anyone with it, or simply want to learn more about what social anxiety is and how to help others this book is for you!!!

[A.M. · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some of the examples of situations were painfully accurate to me.

It is a kind of attempt to give you CBT strategies in book form. For each exercise it gives you different options depending on if you have one hour, half an hour, or only five minutes. It also does multiple choice questions, but the right answer is always the last one.

It was okay, I think part of the issue might be that it would be better in book form, than an audiobook, which I had borrowed from my library.

3 stars

[Shanna · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great strategies that can be used any time. Also great exercises for 5, 10 or 30 minutes to assist with anxiety issues that relate to stress, food, etc. I look forward to implementing these into my life and see how I can overcome social anxiety. This book makes so much sense and I realized a lot of what is discussed I have gone through (or still going through) so I'm glad I read this book.

[Desiree · Rating 4 out of 5]

This has given me tools to dealing with my SAD.

I've always been introverted and have had difficulty making good friends. This book helped me have a better understanding of these feelings and ways to overcome my social anxiety. There are many short exercises that anyone can practice. Some I've already been practicing but others were new to me.

[*JupiteR* · Rating 3 out of 5]

Lectura muy recomendada si estas pasando un momento dificil a causa de ansiedad social.
Una aclaracion nomas, si fuiste o estas yendo a terapia, tal ves no te encuentres con nada nuevo en este libro, para mi fue como un repaso de cosas que aprendí en terapia. De todas formas lo recomiendo, mas que nada por los ejercicios que incluye la autora, son nastante utiles.

[Amy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Had little assessment quizzes that lets you determine how you are coping with social anxiety and gives practical tips to overcome your anxieties - things such as mindfulness, meditation, exposure therapy, diet and exercise, etc. Was looking for a book to help a teen and this could be useful as it's straightforward and not too long of a read.

[Az · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great starting point for people to read about social anxiety. An easy and digestible read without all the extra medical jargon that can sometimes be difficult to understand. Provides a lot of info about various methods to soothe anxiety, as well 5-, 10-, and 30-minute exercises, and quizzes to help you better understand how your own anxiety may manifest.

[Deb · Rating 4 out of 5]

This quick and easily accesible book contains a weath of good information on social anxiety - what it is and how to deal with and overcome it. Worth reading for anyone who has social anxiety or any kind of anxiety.

[Serena · Rating 5 out of 5]

Highly recommend. Each chapter offers a different method for thriving with social anxiety, including 5-minute, 10-minute, and 30-minute exercises. You'll want to buy a copy so you can refer back to these exercises long after finishing the book.

[Gaven Janes · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm not one for nonfiction books, and I have never read a self-help book before, but this book is able to give the reader the knowledge about how to treat a mental illness whether they are socially anxious themselves, or have friends who may need some more assistance with dealing these issues.

[Edmond · Rating 4 out of 5]

Pretty good book on social anxiety, really great exercises. This book is a good start. It's a good book to read cover to cover, since every chapter has some really good exercises and tips. Highly recommend this to anyone believing they have anxiety issues.

[Madison · Rating 3 out of 5]

More often than not I brush off my social anxiety as me just being insecure. This book was really helpful in understanding that these thoughts aren’t normal and brought light to how I’ve grown. It is however very straight to the point and vague, but what more do you expect from self help books.

[Lydia · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5⭐️ A nice brief overview. Might actually be a good initial resource for family or friends of someone struggling with social anxiety. Not a lot of new info for someone living with it but nice reminders.

[Jennifer · Rating 3 out of 5]

I related to this book in a lot of ways. I can see how I use a lot of coping mechanisms before I go out, especially if it's with a group of people. About half this book was about meditation and recipes, which I wasn't as interested in. (The recipes are particularly distracting in an audio book.)