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Don't Toss My Memories in the Trash
Vickie Dellaquila draws on her experience as a professional organizer and senior move manager to share her most valuable tips on downsizing and moving. Here is a book that will help you downsize, organize, and move in an organized, efficient, and caring manner. With her background in healthcare and social services, Vickie brings expertise and warmth to helping seniors face the physical and emotional aspects of moving to a new home. Whether you are a senior embarking on this new chapter of your life or are helping family members or friends downsize and move, this book is your roadmap.
- GenresNonfiction
144 pages, Paperback
First published January 2, 2007
48 people are currently reading
91 people want to read
About the author
Vickie Dellaquila
6 books3 followersHello. I am the creator of Ophelia®. I have wonderful memories of visiting my grandparents, John and Ophelia in El Paso where they lived. My grandmother, Ophelia was a unique and an amazing grandmother. My granddaddy was a wonderful guy too! While on flight coming back from El Paso, the idea of OPHELIA was born! OPHELIA® is named after my grandmother. The name 'Ophelia' has been used many times in my family and originated from the play, 'Hamlet.'
I decided to bring to fruition of my creation of Ophelia to help children and adults with organizing. Like Lucy, the little girl in the book, I was raised by my dad too!
I am a Certified Professional Organizer in Chronic Disorganization and the owner of Organization Rules® and continue to make more adventures for Ophelia®! I live in Zelienople, PA, am married, have three grown daughters, and has seven grandchildren and counting!
My other book, Don’t Toss My Memories in the Trash-A Step-by-Step Guide to Helping Seniors Downsize, Organize, and Move was written to help aging people and their families with the emotional and physically overwhelming task of downsizing their home and moving to a new home. The book has helped hundreds of families to help their loved one with taking the step to decide to downsize and organize their home and age in place or move. Many retirement communities have used this book to help possible residents to understand that it is possible to let go and move on. It is rated as one of the top ten books that retirement communities give to possible residents!
For more information visit OrganizationRules.com
Instagram/Facebook @OpheliatheOrganizer
I decided to bring to fruition of my creation of Ophelia to help children and adults with organizing. Like Lucy, the little girl in the book, I was raised by my dad too!
I am a Certified Professional Organizer in Chronic Disorganization and the owner of Organization Rules® and continue to make more adventures for Ophelia®! I live in Zelienople, PA, am married, have three grown daughters, and has seven grandchildren and counting!
My other book, Don’t Toss My Memories in the Trash-A Step-by-Step Guide to Helping Seniors Downsize, Organize, and Move was written to help aging people and their families with the emotional and physically overwhelming task of downsizing their home and moving to a new home. The book has helped hundreds of families to help their loved one with taking the step to decide to downsize and organize their home and age in place or move. Many retirement communities have used this book to help possible residents to understand that it is possible to let go and move on. It is rated as one of the top ten books that retirement communities give to possible residents!
For more information visit OrganizationRules.com
Instagram/Facebook @OpheliatheOrganizer
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Displaying 1 - 17 of 17 reviews
June 10, 2015
If you are a person of a certain age and you (or your parents) are thinking of moving to a smaller, more manageable place, this is the how-to book for you. Vickie Dellaquila, a professional organizer, gives you tips, checklists, and floor plans you can use to figure out how much of your old furniture will fit into the new place. When she says "a step-by-step guide," she means it.
And it's not a canned recitation, either. She knows that for one person, going room by room and throwing things out as you go may work. For another, it may be necessary to organize belongings by the period of your life they fit, or by the people they bring to mind, and only then make the decision: Keep, Pass, or Toss. (Sometimes she calls the Toss option "donating it to the dumpster.")
As the title implies, this book shows recognition of and empathy for the emotional side of moving--not only for the seniors, but for their children as well. Chapter 7 "Decreased Possessions, Increased Emotions," is the heart of the book. Read it and you may suddenly realize why you and your out-of-town brother have been fighting over your parents' move...or why you are grateful to you daughter but wish she would stop trying to boss you around. You are not alone. These dynamics occur in every family, and as Vickie says, sometimes it's best to call in professional help.
You will not find this book as helpful if you've already decided to "age in place" (although Part Four, "The Seniors of the Future," may give you some good tips on how to do that). The bias of the book is toward moving while you can be in charge of the move--and fully enjoy your new home.
If you're open to the idea that the time to move may be now, then do read "Don't Toss My Memories in the Trash". Check out the appendices. Fill in the worksheets. And enjoy your move.
And it's not a canned recitation, either. She knows that for one person, going room by room and throwing things out as you go may work. For another, it may be necessary to organize belongings by the period of your life they fit, or by the people they bring to mind, and only then make the decision: Keep, Pass, or Toss. (Sometimes she calls the Toss option "donating it to the dumpster.")
As the title implies, this book shows recognition of and empathy for the emotional side of moving--not only for the seniors, but for their children as well. Chapter 7 "Decreased Possessions, Increased Emotions," is the heart of the book. Read it and you may suddenly realize why you and your out-of-town brother have been fighting over your parents' move...or why you are grateful to you daughter but wish she would stop trying to boss you around. You are not alone. These dynamics occur in every family, and as Vickie says, sometimes it's best to call in professional help.
You will not find this book as helpful if you've already decided to "age in place" (although Part Four, "The Seniors of the Future," may give you some good tips on how to do that). The bias of the book is toward moving while you can be in charge of the move--and fully enjoy your new home.
If you're open to the idea that the time to move may be now, then do read "Don't Toss My Memories in the Trash". Check out the appendices. Fill in the worksheets. And enjoy your move.
December 15, 2018
I'd read Dellaquila's book years ago, but realized recently that I recommend it so often that I should reread and review it here. (Note: My copy is the 2007 original edition pictured above. There is a 2017-released 2nd edition.)
In the interest of full disclosure, as a professional organizer, the author is a colleague of mine, but rather than giving me bias in this regard, I believe it gives me a better sense of the validity of the advice she provides. I can also tell you that this is the first book (in a small stack) that I recommend to people who tell me that their seniors parents "need" to downsize and move (and are resisting the entire idea) or that they want to move but are procrastinating on the very frustrating part, reducing the immense clutter of a lifetime in one home.
Don't Toss My Memories in the Trash offers a step-by-step process for tackling the emotional and practical obstacles to downsizing and making a move to a smaller space or senior living. First, she covers the very necessary discussion of deciding to move in the first place, and the associated issues of not only persuading seniors to do so, but also easing the process and identifying options.
The part of the book I like best, because it dovetails with my area of expertise, is the section on helping seniors do the actual downsizing -- sorting, making decisions about what stays and goes, seeking professional resources, identifying options for items to be sold or donated, and dealing with the complicated and sometimes fraught emotional elements between parents and children (and other relatives) in going through the process. The only flaw I found in the book is that Dellaquila doesn't discuss spousal disagreements, and how to handle the downsizing process when spouses are at odds over the what to keep and what to let go of. But the key is that the author doesn't gloss over the very real problems that come when identity, frugality, and sentimentality block are at odds with the decisions that must be made.
The remaining sections of the book cover developing plans, post-downsizing, for moving (both packing up and unpacking to set up a new home), dealing with the emotions of leaving one place, and ingratiating oneself into a new home and community. The appendices cover finding the appropriate professionals for assisting with all steps in downsizing and moving, identifying charities to receive downsized items, and checklists for moving. Because the copy I have was written in 2007, there are a number of resources that could be expanded or lightly refreshed, but Dellaquila released a second edition for paperback and Kindle in 2017, so I suspect things like moving-apps and other technological assistance has been covered there. So, be sure you pick up the the second edition of Don't Toss My Memories In the Trash.
Finally, I consider this book the first step. It's not a magic wand. Whether you're having trouble with your own motivation to downsize and move to prepare for your golden years, or you are getting ready to help a loved one, starting with this book will help you identify the conversations you need to have and the plans you need to make. It won't force Grandma to be more rational about holding on to every empty margarine tub she's saved since 1972, and it won't prevent siblings from fighting becasue Brother Bob refuses to believe his mom isn't as strong as the superhero she believed she was when he was in kindergarten and Sister Sue is seeing how the daily grind is wearing mom down. This is the beginning, but it will ease the reader along the path.
In the interest of full disclosure, as a professional organizer, the author is a colleague of mine, but rather than giving me bias in this regard, I believe it gives me a better sense of the validity of the advice she provides. I can also tell you that this is the first book (in a small stack) that I recommend to people who tell me that their seniors parents "need" to downsize and move (and are resisting the entire idea) or that they want to move but are procrastinating on the very frustrating part, reducing the immense clutter of a lifetime in one home.
Don't Toss My Memories in the Trash offers a step-by-step process for tackling the emotional and practical obstacles to downsizing and making a move to a smaller space or senior living. First, she covers the very necessary discussion of deciding to move in the first place, and the associated issues of not only persuading seniors to do so, but also easing the process and identifying options.
The part of the book I like best, because it dovetails with my area of expertise, is the section on helping seniors do the actual downsizing -- sorting, making decisions about what stays and goes, seeking professional resources, identifying options for items to be sold or donated, and dealing with the complicated and sometimes fraught emotional elements between parents and children (and other relatives) in going through the process. The only flaw I found in the book is that Dellaquila doesn't discuss spousal disagreements, and how to handle the downsizing process when spouses are at odds over the what to keep and what to let go of. But the key is that the author doesn't gloss over the very real problems that come when identity, frugality, and sentimentality block are at odds with the decisions that must be made.
The remaining sections of the book cover developing plans, post-downsizing, for moving (both packing up and unpacking to set up a new home), dealing with the emotions of leaving one place, and ingratiating oneself into a new home and community. The appendices cover finding the appropriate professionals for assisting with all steps in downsizing and moving, identifying charities to receive downsized items, and checklists for moving. Because the copy I have was written in 2007, there are a number of resources that could be expanded or lightly refreshed, but Dellaquila released a second edition for paperback and Kindle in 2017, so I suspect things like moving-apps and other technological assistance has been covered there. So, be sure you pick up the the second edition of Don't Toss My Memories In the Trash.
Finally, I consider this book the first step. It's not a magic wand. Whether you're having trouble with your own motivation to downsize and move to prepare for your golden years, or you are getting ready to help a loved one, starting with this book will help you identify the conversations you need to have and the plans you need to make. It won't force Grandma to be more rational about holding on to every empty margarine tub she's saved since 1972, and it won't prevent siblings from fighting becasue Brother Bob refuses to believe his mom isn't as strong as the superhero she believed she was when he was in kindergarten and Sister Sue is seeing how the daily grind is wearing mom down. This is the beginning, but it will ease the reader along the path.
October 20, 2019
This book doesn't go into the minutiae of organizing but gives a basic checklist of what to consider as you age whether you are ready for a move now or need to consider it down the road. You get good basic advice from a professional organizer who knows what she is talking about. Generally, most of it is still relevant but needs to be updated. Though it does include websites of the organizations cited, it would be a great help to include computer apps and tools for those elders who are computer savvy. One glaring example of it being dated is that the author mentioned looking up resources in the phone book.
September 10, 2022
As a Certified Professional Organizer, people often ask me for book recommendations.
Don't Toss My Memories in the Trash by Vickie Dellaquila is one of my top-5.
Based on years of experience, education and training, this book is a compassionate guide to a common life transition that overwhelms many people.
Vickie's down-to-earth approach makes this book accessible and helpful for all readers.
Whether you are/or will be going through this challenging life transition yourself, or you have family members in this situation, Don't Toss My Memories in the Trash is a must read!
Highly recommended.
Alison Lush, ICD® Master Trainer, CPO-CD®, CPO®, CVPO™, PPCC
Don't Toss My Memories in the Trash by Vickie Dellaquila is one of my top-5.
Based on years of experience, education and training, this book is a compassionate guide to a common life transition that overwhelms many people.
Vickie's down-to-earth approach makes this book accessible and helpful for all readers.
Whether you are/or will be going through this challenging life transition yourself, or you have family members in this situation, Don't Toss My Memories in the Trash is a must read!
Highly recommended.
Alison Lush, ICD® Master Trainer, CPO-CD®, CPO®, CVPO™, PPCC
December 27, 2024
The author used gender stereotypes to illustrate points. Maybe the stereotypes were brought about by the author's years of experience as a provider of services for seniors. But I wish they weren't there. Most of the advice seemed obvious to me. I liked the summary page at the end of each of the three, main sections. And I appreciated learning about organizations that promote recycling and reusing in the appendix.
March 20, 2024
Lots of great stuff in here for the one(s) moving and their adult children. However, it’s not always easy to tell who the audience is. I would still recommend it to our delightful seniors (anyone of retirement age or older) and their adult children. Good things to think about and discuss before it becomes necessary.
May 14, 2023
This book is at a very high level. If you're completely new to the topic, I suppose it can work well as an initial guide. I was hoping it would deal a bit more with the emotional aspects of downsizing, but it felt more like the notes from a 1-2 hour Powerpoint presentation.
February 20, 2023
More of a high level overview about helping Seniors Downsize... focus was more on moving, and making the decision to move.
October 27, 2023
Excellent!
Quick and enjoyable read with lots of real life examples. I highly recommend it to anyone needing downsizing info. Don’t wait.
Quick and enjoyable read with lots of real life examples. I highly recommend it to anyone needing downsizing info. Don’t wait.
October 6, 2019
Don't Toss My Memories in the Trash: A Step-by-Step Guide to Helping Seniors Downsize, Organize, and Move is a book. But it's also a plea, spoken by someone forced to hastily move out of his/her home because a complication of aging has caused him/her catastrophic harm. Vickie Dellaquila, a Certified Professional Organizer(R) of the National Association of Productivity and Organizing Professionals, a Certified Professional Organizer - Chronic Disorganization(R) of the Institute for Challenging Disorganization, and a member of the National Association of Senior Move Managers, has heard it many times. The words are the heart of her book.
Ms. Dellaquila knows the emotional dangers of such a move: "It's still not the right time to make my parent leave home," "we should have done this months ago, and then my parent wouldn't have broken a hip." "You're just trying to get me out of the way to take my stuff," "Wait, don't you want this to go to your grandchild: don't give that to charity!" "I'm too tired to make these decisions, you just do it!" "Don't you tell me what to do!"
Ms. Dellaquila doesn't offer a true minute-point-by-minute-point guide to the process of helping seniors change homes. But she provides a comprehensive overview of the process, vantage points of the best and worst possible ways to accomplish such transitions and therefore mechanisms to try to avoid obstacles and maximize success. I would suggest that this is a good book to read first for strategies in helping an Elder downsize and/or move to a more senior-friendly situation. Once you've read it, there are several excellent books which give people more specific tools to use: How to Say It to Seniors by David Solie and Lynda G. Shrager's Age in Place are ones I recommend.
Lauren Williams, Certified Professional Organizer(R), Owner, Casual Uncluttering LLC, Woodinville, WA USA
Ms. Dellaquila knows the emotional dangers of such a move: "It's still not the right time to make my parent leave home," "we should have done this months ago, and then my parent wouldn't have broken a hip." "You're just trying to get me out of the way to take my stuff," "Wait, don't you want this to go to your grandchild: don't give that to charity!" "I'm too tired to make these decisions, you just do it!" "Don't you tell me what to do!"
Ms. Dellaquila doesn't offer a true minute-point-by-minute-point guide to the process of helping seniors change homes. But she provides a comprehensive overview of the process, vantage points of the best and worst possible ways to accomplish such transitions and therefore mechanisms to try to avoid obstacles and maximize success. I would suggest that this is a good book to read first for strategies in helping an Elder downsize and/or move to a more senior-friendly situation. Once you've read it, there are several excellent books which give people more specific tools to use: How to Say It to Seniors by David Solie and Lynda G. Shrager's Age in Place are ones I recommend.
Lauren Williams, Certified Professional Organizer(R), Owner, Casual Uncluttering LLC, Woodinville, WA USA
June 22, 2017
BOTTOM LINE: subtitle is misleading, appears to be directed to all seniors yet is mainly concerned with middle-class and wealthier folks who have owned and lived in their homes for a long time and are now moving into "smaller" apartments than their family homes. Does not have applicable info for poor seniors who are simply moving into smaller and smaller apartments or single rooms due to cost of living.
Not a bad book, indeed likely a fairly good one IF it concerns you or those you love. Possibly a decent guide or beginning point for families of seniors who are reluctant to give up their long-owned homes and drastically change their living situations to assisted-living and suchlike, but doesn't apply at all to me, hence the "dnf" designation.
Seems to be mainly slanted to younger, fairly wealthy readers needing info to move their parents to assisted living spaces or suchlike, all of them downsizing from nice big homes into goodly-sized apartments. I've *only* lived in apartments, alas, and usually small ones at that! Lots of folks like me need a book like this. There are many elders who don't have much money, and/or don't live in big homes but need help when having to move to even smaller quarters due to retirement and/or illness. Heck, to me ANY owned home is a big one! And if you've got money then you can *always* get help with things! Ain't so easy when you've been broke for a while and are ill as well, unfortunately often the case with many older folks.
This book was not useful for me or to many elders in similar situations, but might be of use to children of older middle-class folks who own their own homes.
Not a bad book, indeed likely a fairly good one IF it concerns you or those you love. Possibly a decent guide or beginning point for families of seniors who are reluctant to give up their long-owned homes and drastically change their living situations to assisted-living and suchlike, but doesn't apply at all to me, hence the "dnf" designation.
Seems to be mainly slanted to younger, fairly wealthy readers needing info to move their parents to assisted living spaces or suchlike, all of them downsizing from nice big homes into goodly-sized apartments. I've *only* lived in apartments, alas, and usually small ones at that! Lots of folks like me need a book like this. There are many elders who don't have much money, and/or don't live in big homes but need help when having to move to even smaller quarters due to retirement and/or illness. Heck, to me ANY owned home is a big one! And if you've got money then you can *always* get help with things! Ain't so easy when you've been broke for a while and are ill as well, unfortunately often the case with many older folks.
This book was not useful for me or to many elders in similar situations, but might be of use to children of older middle-class folks who own their own homes.
August 14, 2016
This was ok, but I found all the stories used to illustrate the issues ended up jumbling the text. I kept feeling derailed as I tried to read it.
January 30, 2022
Helpful read!
I really enjoyed reading this book! Many of my own ideas are validated here. Plenty of motivation from true-experience examples.
I really enjoyed reading this book! Many of my own ideas are validated here. Plenty of motivation from true-experience examples.
July 23, 2021
An excellent instructional manual for anyone who is helping others declutter or downsize their belongings, especially professional organizers or family members. Highly recommend.
June 24, 2010
Compassionate and practical book for seniors that are downsizing and their families.
April 1, 2017
Beginner's guide to downsizing & organizing for seniors & their families. Practical, compassionate, but some of it isn't new if you read a lot of organizing books.
June 8, 2017
Yep. So, this is happening. Not fun! This book contains some good tips and lists to keep things organized and on track. This is going to be an emotional rollercoaster of a ride. Where's my seatbelt? Strap me in. :(
Displaying 1 - 17 of 17 reviews