Yelling In Pasties: The Wet Coast Confessions of an Anxious Slut

by Kat Stark, Corvyn Steel (Editor), Cooper S. Beckett (Foreword)

Can you really be a shy, exhibitionistic, socially anxious slut all at the same time? Twenty years into her marriage, Kat and her husband faced head-on the great underlying fear of most monogamous My partner wants to have sex with other people. For them, that truth led to a rollercoaster of new sexual and romantic adventures. After starting things off with a fun and friendly threesome, this couple explore ethical non-monogamy through swinging, casual sex, group sex, solo dating, and eventually stumble into polyamory. Kat Stark tells the story of her first three years in non-monogamy, and how her life and relationship(s) evolved; from the dirty, dirty sex to the heartbreak and back again, without glossing over the parts where she effed it right up. Along the way she discovers squirting orgasms, plays with all the awesome sex toys she can get her hands (and other body parts) on, and comes to a far deeper understanding about how her brain—and heart—work. Come on this very sexy journey; where asking is the key to getting what you want, and where rejecting the shame and associated with being a sexually audacious woman is the gateway to becoming the truest version of oneself.

308 pages, Paperback

Published October 12, 2017

Reviews

[A Allen · Rating 2 out of 5]

As a fellow sex-positive, geeky, queer, feminist, I was excited to give this book a try. Unfortunately, I couldn't relate to Stark. First, Stark mentions SEVERAL times (annoyingly often, actually) that she is basically heteromantic and I'm too gay for that. Additionally, there were very few nerdy or feminist references in the book; there was even some wording that had me wondering if Stark was a trans-exclusionary feminist. Lastly, the sex Stark describes won't even get you off! Her writing style is very "I did X. I did Y." There isn't any build-up of sexual chemistry between characters.

[Kevin A. A. · Rating 5 out of 5]

In nonmonogamy, a lot of us try really hard to be chill. We all want to be the down-for-whatever person that never gets jealous and always has it together. We're not though. None of us. This is a book that very clearly says that it's ok to be anxious. It's ok to feel your feelings, set your boundaries, process through an issue, and feel your feelings again. There's a vulnerability here that is incredibly brave to express and frustratingly tough to find elsewhere. Thank you Kat Stark for laying yourself bare for the world to see and for all of us to learn from.

[Louise · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is such a great read. Kat Stark opens the doors and gives us a candid, refreshing, and - at many times - scintillating insight into her journey of opening up her marriage of 20+ years. Packed full of entertaining stories, some of my favourite entries were when she shared her very personal experiences with some of the anxiety-inducing side orders you get when chowing down on the entrées of living life to the full. Her courage, love, compassion, and adventures are inspiring! Highly recommended.

[Jacki Yovanoff · Rating 5 out of 5]

I admire the author for putting herself out there and being vulnerable. Being so open about the "things we don't talk about" is incredibly helpful for others who might be setting out or are already on a similar path. It's not all happy, happy, joy, joy - although there's lots of that, too - and it's very refreshing. On top of all that, it's a fun read, too. Perfect poolside or snuggled in bed reading. Love the title, too ;)

[Mouse Dee · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed this as a window into a world that intrigues me intellectually but isn't really my thing - mostly-vanilla mostly-het casual sex/swinging. I especially appreciated the author's openness around insecurity, jealousy, anxiety, and Things Not Going As Planned - very sweet and human and vulnerable. Their excitement about sexuality is endearing and contagious.

[Shannon Cox · Rating 5 out of 5]

An honest, amusing, and well written read. I saw myself a lot in this book and felt less alone in some of our common struggles. Part memoir, part guide - Kat bravely shares their journey and lessons learned in the early years of their non-monogamous journey.

[Nicole · Rating 3 out of 5]

I loved this raw and authentic look into non-monogamy. Yelling In Pasties: The Wet Coast Confessions of an Anxious Slut isn't a guide, but someone sharing their experiences in polyamory. I appreciate that the author shared her many adventures, from the kinky, emotions of jealousy, feelings from a primary perspective, and importantly a non-primary view often not captured in polyamory books, but equally as important to be aware. Kat Stark sounds like a lovely, emotionally intelligent human being with a great deal of self-awareness who shows equal consideration and respect for each partner. Even in moments of intense feelings of missing out or mental withdrawal, she steps to look into her sensible and tantrum brain to figure out areas she needs to communicate with her primary partner and doesn't want to ruin her partner's experiences with another. She was even glad for her partner and encouraging of his experiences with his other partner.

The book is refreshingly open and honest about the experience of opening up a marriage. It not only includes the author's sexual and romantic adventures but the times she messed up, had to manage complicated feelings, and times things didn't work out the way she'd hoped. If you're sex-positive, exploring, or wanting to explore non-monogamy, or you're polyamorous, read this book.