Cyber Sexy: Rethinking Pornography

by Richa Kaul Padte

In 1964, American judge Potter Stewart famously said, 'I can't define pornography, but I know it when I see it.' Over fifty years later, the reverberations of these words are still being felt across the world. Be it proposed porn bans, religious morality or women's rights, the assumption is that porn has a single, knowable definition. But one man's art is another woman's erotica is another person's sex tape.

In this intrepid, empathetic and nuanced account of the sexual shopping cart that is the internet today, Richa Kaul Padte takes readers on an intimate tour of online sex cultures. From camgirls to fanfiction writers, homemade videos to consent violations, Cyber Sexy investigates what it means to seek out pleasure online.

And as for whether or not something counts as porn? You'll know it when you see it.

Genres: Nonfiction, Feminism, Sociology, Sex and Erotica, India, Pornography, Essays

264 pages, Paperback

Published May 15, 2018

About the author

Richa Kaul Padte grew up in Kodaikanal, Tamil Nadu, and became a person in Brighton, England.

She is co-founder of the award-winning publication Deep Dives, and her writing has appeared in several places, including BuzzFeed, Vice, GQ, Racked, the Caravan, India Today, Open and Rolling Stone.

Cyber Sexy is her first book.

Reviews

[Prerna · Rating 3 out of 5]

On the back cover of the book is a comment (praise? I don't know) by Rega Jha:

"I hope every woman in India reads this book."

Of course nobody should have to say this to Rega Jha, a reputed journalist, but this comment is liberal bourgeoisie feminism extreme, so here I go - As per the 75th round of National Sample Survey, India's countrywide female literacy rate is 70.3%.

Thankfully, the author isn't trying to masquerade this book as ensconced in feminist concerns. The title does the book justice, it is about digital pornography and consent. She highlights how we still have no clear cut definition of pornography and the classification that we use today dates back to the 1800s.

In India, the selling and distribution of pornography is illegal and instead of laws protecting the interests and rights of individuals, we have obscenity clauses that are relics of colonialism, brahminism and India's gentry.

Padte elaborates on the problems with using the same laws to criminalize consensual pornography as well as non-consensual sexual content which simultaneously violate right to free sexual expression and women's rights in general. She also importantly writes about diversity within online sexual communities and how its anonymous character provides a platform for ostracized groups to discover and express their sexualities. In India where even talking about sex is taboo in most households, many of us had our first sexual awakening through the internet. But as the author rightly points out, this also is a matter of privilege. Not everyone has the access to privacy and digital zones of sexual expression.

But I wasn't very into the writing style, the conversational tone combined with the author's upper class background just appeared pretentious sometimes. The author ends the first chapter with this extremely off-putting line:

"What 'counts' as porn? Screw them; you tell me."

I can't. This is a book, not twitter.

[Jubi · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book demystifies the big bad world of porn. Yes it's bad and it thrives on objectification but there's another side of porn from which many people have benefitted too. These people including myself have embraced our sexual side and it's a space that is denied to women in this country. This is an important work which talks about pornography in terms of consent, desire, sex and many more. It's a discussion which people need to have at this moment. When you tell me that porn is bad and it gives false expectations, I'll agree and tell you that you're watching the wrong kind of porn. There is so much out there, and you have no fucking clue how amazing it is. So please read this book and start asking yourselves why some things are considered obscene and others are readily accepted, the thin but important lines of consent and non-consent, why is it that women are expected to be devoid of desire when we know exactly what we want in bed and outside of it.
The author makes it clear that sexy space we love offline and online is valuable.

[Sonaksha · Rating 5 out of 5]

Porn. That huge fuzzy scary thing that you shouldn't even know of if you're a respectable person (let alone a woman). This is what so many of us have grown up with, and many continue to. Because, for a huge part of the world, porn is evil. Through Cyber Sexy, Richa challenges this idea by breaking porn down through various lenses. She shares excerpts from interviews with people on their relationship with porn, she references various studies and academic theories as well as talks about her own experiences. This book is so important and I'm so thankful that I read it because it opened up so many things in my brain that I felt had been packed and thrown into a void because no one wants to speak about it.

Porn is often viewed only through an evil lens. But Richa pushes that aside and brings forth so many other narratives. She puts power and porn side by side to understand the relationship they share. She brings up consent, that concept that to so many people is imaginary. What's additionally brilliant is that Richa never makes you feel like she knows it all. She is constantly blurring and clarifying and questioning, and along with her, so are you. At the end of the book, you have a whole lot more to think about. This book taught me so much. It made me question, it made me dig up all the times I thought 'sexy' and 'porn' are bad words and it made me curious. But most of all, it felt like I just had a really long conversation with a friend about porn. And now, it makes me want to go actually speak to all of my friends about porn and discuss everything I've just learnt.

[Poonam · Rating 5 out of 5]

Author Richa Kaul Padte writes, "Obscenity was a totally alien concept in South Asia, but thanks to a confluence of colonial rulers, Brahminism, social reformers and India’s gentry, it was one that stuck.". She talks about how sarpanch in different states of India have often banned mobile, jeans and what not because they fear women may have sex. So, women and technology doesn't mix. Women and jeans doesn't mix. And so on. That's true, isn't it? We have college hostels all over India that lock girls at 6.30pm and this Kerala college (my find and not mentioned in the book) even went far as not allowing these young women to close their doors even when changing clothes. Another version of this news story stated because they didn't want the girls to touch themselves. ( https://www.thenewsminute.com/article...) So, traditionally cis-gendered, heterosexual men have determined which aspects of culture were appropriate to preserve or what is appropriate for women. Idea that women choose to have sex and that some may even want to pursue it for living is disgusting to these cultural curators of society (read men).

In India, where the making and distributing of sexual content is officially illegal, yet countless digitally connected people make their way online every day to watch, read, write or upload content that turns them on. As per Pornhub survey, 30 percent of Indian visitors are women. So, there is clear dichotomy in how laws of the land stand on pornography and how do citizens deal with it. Indeed our Telecom minister Ravi Shankar Prasad has worried about it and considered floating an internet filter for porn (https://www.firstpost.com/tech/news-a...).

Under this context, Cyber Sexy dabbles in issues of how digital pornography plays a role for us. She talks about issues of sexual identity, consent and sexual expression. In this #MeToo era, it is important to discuss consent. What can it mean and who is eligible to consent - age of consent varies all over the world. Also, consent works at multiple levels, a man or woman may have agreed to have sex, perhaps to even be recorded but not for sharing.

There were lot of things where I thought author/ people in author's survey were speaking for me. How reproductive system have been taught by our teachers in rushed, embarrassed mode. There is no conversation, even in this age, about trans or queer identities. How growing up you are made to think that being queer is thing of ridicule that can only be a shameful secret. And so on.

Since most folks in India, especially teens, are watching it without a lot of context, guidance or spaces where they can take their questions, it can be a deeply confusing, disorienting experience too. A women respondent to author's survey said: One woman who filled out my survey says that what she wants to see more of in porn is ‘the girl not orgasming the minute there is penetration. It’s unreal. I’ve been asked by a guy why it takes me so much time.’

This book dwells into agency of women, who defines what is appropriate or acceptable in sex (as per 2014 UK law female ejaculation is unacceptable), what is disgusting (What is disgusting to me in sex may not be disgusting for you) and laws we have to counter MMS/Sex video clips scandals. There is so much to learn from this book, not only about some useful resources that may have shaped sexuality of millions of Indians.

[S.Ach · Rating 3 out of 5]

10 Things I learnt from this book -
1. Like all guys, most girls too love to watch porn. But, only the good porn.
2. Good porn is the one where there is consent and the girl also enjoys the act. Consent is everything.
3. The word 'cunnilingus'.
4. History of porn. (yes, those bits are fantastic)
5. Having excessive carnal desire or experimenting with exhibitionism is also called exploring one's own sexuality.
6. What is disgust for one, could be a desire for another.
7. Savita Bhabhi, our anime star, is as popular amongst Indians as the umpteen homemade amateur porn
8. About 'chaturbate'.
9. Consent to take nudies or sex videos doesn't necessarily mean consent to publicly distribute.
10. Most of our fantasies, we masturbate to, are just fantasies, and we never want those in reality. (completely agree)

What I found missing, which I think is essential to this book, are the ill effects of porn on pshyche and on relationships (watch Don Jon), and the lives and times of professional porn artists ( watch The Porn Diaries or similar documentaries).

Full marks to the young author for her research, style of writing and bold content.

[Ashwin Menon · Rating 3 out of 5]

First of all, hats off to the writer, written so boldly. Really pleasing way of writing, the stories from different people and their compilation was quite well, and as a reader I can recollect these stories in the end via snippets by the writer. But somewhere the connection was lost. But still a good time killer and good knowledge filler

[Mirjam]

But one man's art is another woman's erotica is another person's sex tape.

The three genders: art, erotica, and sex tapes.

[Pradeep E · Rating 4 out of 5]

Richa Kaul Padte's 'Cyber Sexy' demystifies the world of pornography by taking us through an objective journey into the much maligned and fuzzy world of online sex. It is an eye opener perspective to rethink our perceptions of porn and consequently sexuality.

She points out that the most important word that is needed in dealing with porn with consent, and not morality. To many, exhibitionism is also a form of self-expression and consent is needed in every step of pornography; the act, the recording of the act and the sharing of the acting in private and public domain. When either of this is violated, it constitutes a crime which needs to be acted on.

While it is difficult to take a single right view on how to deal with pornography considering there is a fine line between self-expression and harmful repercussions of it (eg - child pornography), she suggest that either way, it is critical to take this out of the closet and decriminalize it.

[Rekha · Rating 3 out of 5]

What is porn? Does it have a specific definition? Or what is porn to me may or may not be to you. There cannot be one straight-cut definition of pornography, to the author's view. The book an understanding of cybersex from a different spectrum, to which we may not have exposed to ever in our lives. By taking away that invisible line drawn between what is considered to be obscene and what not is, the author creates a new perspective.
“That the word pornography comes from the word 'prostitute' is unsurprising. It is a truth universally acknowledged that art, ideas, or women that disrupt a stale moral universe must be in want of comparison to prostitutes.”
― Richa Kaul Padte

[Nikhil Kumar · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book complicates the contemporary simplistic Indian public debates around sexual morality in a digital context. It showcases the diverse sexual desires of men and women, the contexts (and limitations) in which they are formed, how technologies and porn influence them, etc. With a nuanced and multi-faceted perspective, it asks, among others, a central question - When does a text, picture or video become porn, and What to do & not to do about it?

[Ravi Prakash · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's about online sex culture and how much it is affected from the real moral and social ones spread across the whole world. The book is readable and I must say that every woman should read this.

[Elma Babyson · Rating 5 out of 5]

A fine non fiction read based on proper research. Just like the title states its about rethinking pornography. Especially in terms of how women actually enjoy porn. And the fact the to make good pornographic content women need not be objectificed. Author blatantly says its normal to watch, read or listen to porn.

[Purabi, Boookishfeelings · Rating 5 out of 5]

My most important read of 2018. Such an insightful and fun read, I've cited this book in atleast 3 different research papers! Richa really engages you and makes great points for pornography! ♡

[DALIP · Rating 4 out of 5]

Like Maggi Noodles, RICHA KAUL PADTE Latest 📖 Cyber Sexy Is Indeed Truly & Refreshingly Different & How. A Lot Of Preparation & Research Has Gone Into This Book That Treads A Dangerous Path As It Deals With All The Aspects Of Pornography And How The Gate Keepers & Self Appointed Moral Custodians Have Tried To Sweep It Under The Carpet Their Wishful Thinking Being That What You Cannot See Cannot Hurt You.
The Irony Of It All Mocks You In The Face & How When It Sinks In That Even A Toon Character Like Savita Bhabhi Is Perceived As A Threat To The Moral Fibre Of Our Nation So Much So That It Is Actually Banned..And Mind You This Is The Same Land That Gave The 🌍 The Kamasutra & Sunny Leone.
Even Though There Are A Lot Of Statistics & Facts To Back What RICHA KAUL PADTE Claims To Prove She Is Not Talking Through Her 🎩...But When Have Moralists Or The Self Appointed Gatekeepers Ever Listened To Logic-More So When It Comes From A Lady Who Knows What She Is Taking About?
What Truly Takes The Baker Along With The Entire Bakery Itself Is That Not For A Single Moment Does The Author RICHA KAUL PADTE Hesitate To Talk In First Person About Her Personal Experiences Regarding Her Experiences & Experiments With Cyber Porn Thus Leading From The Front Instead Of Just Parroting Moralistic Jargon For Effect.
What Is Indeed A Paradox Of Sorts Is Both Laughable & Ironically Sad That While 🌎Wide The Gates Of Assumed Morality Are Crumbling Nobody Told The Gatekeepers That As They Stand Vigil Like The ‘Samaj Ke Thekedar Of The Early 40 & 50’s The World Has Moved On Proudly Into The 21st Century Where Everything Is About Personal Choices In A Global Environment Of Multiple Offers To Pick & Choose From.
Indeed ‘Cyber Sexy’ Is A Hard Hitting & Thought Provoking Book That Dares To Ask Some Hard To Digest Questions To Which A Segment Of Our Society Has No Comfortable Answers So They Prefer To Stick Their Collective Heads Under The Sand Like The Proverbial Ostrich Hoping & Wishfully Thinking That It Shall Go Away If Not Addressed Or Better Still Shoved Under The Ban Blanket!!!

[Sriram K R · Rating 4 out of 5]

In many ways, Cyber Sexy is a re-telling of our own stories, but with a good dose of context and introspection thrown in. To any Indian who took to the internet early and navigated its sexy spaces as a means to discovering their own sexuality, this book will be relatable in content and reassuring in the ubiquity of our experiences. The most important parts of the book are the ones that talk us through the problems of sexual online spaces that we didn't quite bother about , or even understand that we needed to be bothered about, including privilege (of access) and consent. A thoroughly enjoyable read.

[Sayantan Ghosh · Rating 3 out of 5]

Kaul has written about gender and sexuality before but with her debut book she delves into the complex world of pornography and ideas of seeking pleasure on the Internet. For almost two years Kaul painstakingly researched, surveyed and interacted with people from all over India and through her work helps the readers understand how a patriarchal society as our own deals with a woman’s sexual independence and consent, while giving us a closely observed tour of online sex cultures. Cyber Sexy is an intimate portrait of our inner worlds, and one not to be missed.

[Sayari Debnath · Rating 5 out of 5]

I adored this book. Very very important in today's context and what exactly it means when we say "freedom of expression". In awe of Richa's enlightening take on India's digital sexiness, porn watching habits and what online sexual freedom means to women (and men) of various socio-economic backgrounds, religion and sexuality. Was particularly pleased to see discussions on asexuality, India's BDSM culture, male nudity and porn theatres. 💯

[Jajwalya Karajgikar · Rating 4 out of 5]

It exists. For that alone, yay.

[Aayesha · Rating 5 out of 5]

A book that I would recommend to anyone and everyone. An important read.

[Ratik · Rating 5 out of 5]

Everything I thought this would be, and so much more.

[Pallabi Priyaadarshini · Rating 4 out of 5]

PORN- This four letter word is rarely spoke about , its considered abominable, unethical and is commonly referred to as a mind - pollutant. Surprisingly this book just doesn't deal the history and the the coverage of pornography, it rather talks about - Sexual identities and how people find solace in leading true lives online ; The considerable freedom men have compared to women when it comes to viewing, enjoying porn; The importance of consensual over ethical and the solo burden of objectification on women ; The line between obscene and appealing.
At a point in book Richa rightly points out that at certain points why people lie about what they want, even in anonymous surveys is not because there is this fear of being caught but because on some level they are lying to themselves as well.

[Roanna · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was most curious about this book before it was due to come out, and I think, rightly so. - Richa Kaul Padte has packed Cyber Sexy with a lot of relevant/researched information (including insights) on various interconnecting topics around: consent and dissent (so important); pleasure; porn (its making, and specifically what is available in India); porn and sex in the digital age; sex; sex and disability (opening my eyes to viewpoints I hadn’t considered, before in good detail, I am sad to say); the LGBTQ community and sex; the lens with which we view pornography; what really is pornography; what we like or don’t; why India grapples with anything to do with the nature of sex - gender and/or intercourse; women and masturbation; women and porn; women and sex; and more.

I took my time with this book because it is non-fiction (which I find hard to read), however, I did intentionally space out how I was absorbing the book’s contents. (I should tell you now that my copy is severely bookmarked!) - Cyber Sexy definitely opens the door to many conversations - ones that are either being had behind closed doors and need to come out into the open, need to be had or ones that are being had out in the open yet lack considerable power to knock doors/‘gates’ down. Windows are being rattled, yet this is not enough.

The skewed lens with which we view pornography takes away its essence. According to me, the Indian government banning pornography serves as a distraction from a much bigger problem, I fear. (And uh, all that morality around sexuality? Its mindset is mainly to police rather than protect and shame rather than educate. The people in power decide what’s bad for us and try to filter our freedoms, thereby diluting its potency.)

Two of the most important questions we need to be asking are: Who are the gatekeepers? and What are they ‘guarding’ or keeping us away from? Paraphrasing Richa from one of the last few chapters in her book... ‘You want rights not protection, agency not surveillance,’ which sums up what her discourse is about in the plainest of terms.

P.S. The things I discovered while reading this book are many; but a few that stand out: the Savita Bhabhi comics; bandoms; and fan-fiction (lately, I have been enjoying reading fics on Mia Thermopolis and Michael Moscovitz, and Jessica Day and Nick Miller etc.).

[diane · Rating 5 out of 5]

Richa Kaul Padte is a fearless writer and that had me in awe. I almost never find myself or lives like mine (small town tech savvy women growing up in post 90s India who wanna explore their sexuality) echoed/represented in media but in this book, I did. Richa's courage in writing this book helped me find my own.

EDIT: Do I always agree with her opinions on the law? Probably not but that does not take away from the power of this book, and in any case someone had to say it.

[Ganesh Sanal · Rating 5 out of 5]

There is no shortage for good books but the best books are the ones which pulls you in as one person and leaves you as an entirely different being. And I'm so happy to read such a book from a young Indian female author.

Firstly, the title (and subtitle) is exactly what it says it is. The author guides us through the different aspects of all the 'sexy digital content' lazily labeled as pornography: ranging from abusive to empoweing, misinformational to educational, addictive to theraputic and from gross to great. She points out that the digital sexy space is a reflection of humanity and its desires. Right from the victorian puritism to the great 'firewall' of china, the author shows us that attempts at censorship does much more harm than good. Through all this, she makes us suspect our knee jerk reaction to label 'porn=bad'.

However, the greatest takeaway for me was something different. It is the idea that consent and consent alone be the basis for judging any sexy content in the cyber space. As long as the the parties involved fully consent to act, capture, share or view a particular content, there is no business for me, you or the system to get involved. This just changed my perspective on the whole dilemma of pornography. Why should Krishna's 'leela' (which includes some pathetic actions like stealing women's cloth) be cherished while a live-cam couple could be prosected? Why should 'Savita Bhabhi' be banned while 'Chikni chameli' is celebrated? Why should anyone's desire be better than someone elses when all desires involve flesh and sweat and other bodily fluids? To top it all, our society is structred in such a way that on one side we see the supposedly depraved BDSM communities treating consent as their cornerstone with the aid of mutual contracts and safe words. While on the other side stands the world's largest democracy where marital rape is not a crime.The conclusion is that there is no line that seperates 'Sexy Content' from 'Pornography'. Everyone have the same right to 'Fuck' around as they please and the system's focus should be on how consent is maintained in this global pleasure festival.

Last but the most appreciated part is where she put forward an immediate solution. Although the real solution involve changing the mindset, and immediate solution in India could be decriminalization of amateur porn and legalising professional porn. The simplest reason for this is the fact that our kids learn sex from the internet, whether we like it or not. More amature porn will give them a realistic picture of what they could expect from their partner. Wheras Good quality professional porn, where the legal rights of all participants are maintained, will remove the guilt in themselves and teach them about consent. As time passes, the same feelings will also be softly absorbed by the more elder viewers.

I could write a whole blog worth of thoughts from this book but I'm holding it all back. Just give this one a try and I guarantee that you'll be surprised.

[Sherin Stani · Rating 5 out of 5]

Written soon after flipping the last page
Therefore, Disclaimer: It's brutally honest and not a polished/edited review!

I can't thank Richa Kaul Padte enough for writing this beautiful and powerful book till my very last breath.Ladies and gentlemen out there, do yourself a huge favour and go read this life-affirming book. Cyber Sexy is everything I needed to know as a woman in the world, especially in India! And Richa has filled a huge knowledge gap by writing this wonderful book. Coming from an Indian author, the book is even more relatable. She has woven the narrative in this book so beautifully that at times, I have to stop short and repeat what I just read in my head. Filled with mindblowing truths, this book is everything an unapologetic (Indian) women needs. And I'm immensely grateful to Richa for writing it.
Since the time I started reading this book, I couldn't stop telling the women and people around me to just read this book and do themselves a huge favour. And believe me when I say I started recommending it even before I could finish the book!
To be honest, I don't pick up non-fiction books that much and even if I do I'd read them slowly. But she has written this one so beautifully with her words, research, and conscience that I couldn't stop flipping the pages. Trust me when I say that I even managed to sell this book to voracious fiction aficionados. I would occasionally go back and read the marked pages and would smile wide and nod in complete agreement when I stumble upon a hilarious line. To write non-fiction isn't easy, but to write one about a topic as taboo as porn and sex is just something else. Richa Kaul Padte has beautifully defined not just porn, but male gaze, the human sex, digital violence against women, the human need for validation, narcissism, child consent, obscenity, the laws, power, the whole system that's fucked, consent and much more. I keep telling people who find me reading this book, not to judge the book or its content by the word 'pornography' and also that this book is about everything that is crucially important.And to people who scoff at me reading about (rethinking) pornography, I tell them that the way they reacted is exactly what the book is about! Cyber Sexy: Rethinking PornographyRicha Kaul Padte

[Devika Rajeev · Rating 4 out of 5]

Like many Indians, I had always thought of pornography as dirty and exploitative, aimed more at men than women, even as something watched more by horny teenagers than by adults.

But Cyber Sexy, an eye-opening book about the steamier side of the internet, casts an entirely different light on pornography. Pornography, the book argues, need not be exploitative. It can be recorded and shared willingly by people, even for free, purely because they enjoy it and feel empowered. In fact, porn can even be feminist if done the right way.

Porn can help people learn about sex (important in a country where the closest kids get to sex education is a Biology chapter on reproductive systems). It can even help people understand their sexuality and desires better and realize that no matter who or what they like, whether its their own gender or BDSM or no sex at all, they are not alone or abnormal.

None of which is to say that porn in India is free of problems -- certainly not. In fact, many porn viewers say they dislike watching South Asian porn because the women in them don’t seem to be entirely okay with what’s going on. The chapter The Fault Lines of Consent explains that there are three different types of consent violations when it comes to pornography. The most basic, of course, is the consent to have sex in the first place (rape porn). The next is where the person (s) concerned may be having consensual sex, but may not have consented to (or even be aware of) its recording -- for example, videos from hidden cameras in hotel rooms. The third type is where both partners may have consented to the recording, but not to its being shared in public.

A possible solution to these issues, the author argues, is the legalization and regulation of the Indian porn industry. She believes this would help decrease the exploitation of women (and men) in the industry.

Richa Kaul Padte has written a thoroughly readable book that weaves together anecdotes from a diverse set of people with relevant data about the intersection of sex and the internet in the Indian context. Though we generally think of videos when we talk about porn, the book also covers chatrooms, forums, sexting, camming, etc.

The internet, it appears, has sexually empowered a lot of people who would otherwise have felt lonely and abnormal in their desires and fetishes. The net has given them a place to connect to like-minded people and find their own community. Now that it's reaching more and more people across rural areas and India has become the country with the cheapest data, we can expect this internet-enabled sexual revolution to continue.

[Anvesh · Rating 4 out of 5]

Author in this book demystifies the concept of porn and explores several soft concepts that get incorrectly labeled as porn in our current world. Every word, and not just porn is defined and understood by masses as seen through eyes of people in power but none as misunderstood as the word Porn. I would like to quote Yual Noah Harari here, "While Biology enables, Culture forbids" and author rightly gives the examples of objections raised against Porn as something that damages "Moral Fabric" of society, "spoils the mindset" of all the vulnerable youth and women of society.

All these people in power claim to have an intimate knowledge of what is good for everyone while all the while they are only running their own agendas. There are multiple agendas here, those who want to mobilize their voter base by preaching to them the others are wrong, morally corrupt and these netas are doing what is there in our culture for ages. They do this while being totally ignorant of what has been done through ages and how cultural prohibitions have always given way to biological tendencies over history. But facts or history doesn't matter to anyone, driving agendas matter to these people, telling narratives that can rejuvenate voter bases matter to them, wielding power over minorities matter to these babus more than knowing what people want or care about.

Richa explores all these themes and rants a lot just like I did with this review, there are times when I wanted more facts than opinions and it would have suited for this book to be a little shorter than its current size. However, I'm grateful to her for the excellent background work that went into this and bringing in perspectives of people who feel things in real as against those who preach by showing damage caused to Intangential/fictional concepts like "moral fabric", "ethics of society". I hope this book reaches out to more people and the debate about decriminalization of an industry happens and all the work done in this industry happens in a much regulated, safe environment. Regulation of this industry addresses even more important concept of "consent" which addresses issues of Ex boyfriends/ others uploading videos of women with out their consent. This law needs to be put in place quickly so as to protect the ones who get to lose a lot with the kind of society we live in.

[Tanshi · Rating 5 out of 5]

How do you define ‘pornography’? Is it a term you use for nakedness or a term you use for anything that’s obscene and lewd? If you visit an art gallery and look at a naked woman painted gracefully will you call it porn? If you go watch a Victoria Secret’s fashion show will you call it porn? Is Anaconda’s video valid enough for you to call porn? Is porn limited to a site or does it prevail in other aspects of life like art or fashion? Think about it.
This book talks about the thin line that’s been drawn between what’s porn and what’s not porn.
Did you know the IT ACT 67 criminalises the publishing and sharing of obscene content on the internet whereas we have a better law, IT ACT 66E that talks about criminalising capturing, publishing or transmuting the image of a private area of a person without his or her CONSENT. Unfortunately whenever a case arises where someone’s consent is violated the perpetrator isn’t charged under SECTION 66E but 67 which shows how a person’s consent isn’t even in question.
These are some facts and questions I was provoked to give more thought to. This book isn’t just a 244 pages of knowledge it’s 244 pages of exploration. It will talk to you about sex, porn, exhibitionism, self exploration etc. it’s something we should have been made to acknowledge in school, the times we were awkward to talk about masturbation this implies mainly to women. It will tell you the normality that your sexuality offers, the normality your kinks and fetishises offer. Your sexual desires are normal and valid.
Read the book my friend 🌸

[Sejal · Rating 5 out of 5]

The book takes one of most “not really spoken about” topic by the horns and makes the reader ponder about it with different perspectives. Porn. The word itself is a taboo and reading about it in such candid fashion is indeed interesting. The book is not meant for everyone.You need to be open about reading and thinking about certain aspects of sexuality to accept this book.


But I strongly recommend this book. Because I’ve had open discussions on porn with few of my friends, a lot of ideas discussed in the book were the same discussions that we’ve had. The book worked more like a pointer for me but for anyone who’s never had discussions on desires connected with porn, this book will be so much more.

The book can be liberating in sense that the word “guilt” can easily be begone while you read the book. The book lays great emphasis on making feminist arguments about desires and porn. It also strongly argues for de-shaming the whole concept of porn and rather argues for legalising the porn industry. This is one argument which in India also holds true for the sex industry. Both of these industries exist. Legalising then will only open doors for better treatment and content. And I think it’s high time we stop the moral policing which is still dominated by heterosexual-upper caste/white-man and decide for ourselves where our sexuality and desires lay.

[Priya Roy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Cyber Sexy dives deep into one of the most desired and forbidden topics for the people: Pornography. The author has talked about the topics like what counts a porn, the different ways in which the people first time encountered pornographic material, women's role in watching and creating porn, the fault lines of consent and the various stages where it is required and finally what should happen to our pornographic industry.

The author has put up some very strong and practical points, especially in what counts as porn and how women are viewed in this whole pornographic scenario, both as viewers and makers. I'm glad I read the book because it gave me a wider perspective on this topic. One of the things I like in my non-fiction books(which I also liked the most in this) is giving examples and putting out your point in the form of stories or bits. Throughout the book we see the author putting little stories in between about the people's(and her own) various experiences with porn.
But while the book did make a lot of very valid points, I didn't agree with every one of them. Also, the book got kind of slow for me in the middle as the topics weren't so interesting to me(or the points were repetitive).
But if asked, I would recommend it to the people who would like to get a more realistic (and somewhat controversial, in a good way!) view and such a taboo topic.