The Joke’s Over, You Can Come Back Now: How This Widow Plowed Through Grief and Survived

by Laurie Burrows Grad, Blythe Danner

Laurie Burrows Grad and Peter Grad were together for forty-seven amazing years. The two were inseparable, spending every moment they could together. Then, on a vacation in Vail, Colorado, Peter announced he couldn’t breathe. Minutes later he was gone, and Laurie’s world crashed around her. In the aftermath of Peter’s death, Laurie discovered she hadn’t just lost a beloved husband—she’d also lost her social status. People simply didn’t know what to do or say about her newfound widowhood.

This is the story of how Laurie recovered from heart-wrenching grief, but it’s more than that. It’s also a manual for grieving a forthright guide to dealing with life alone after years of togetherness.

Many widows want to move forward but lack the knowledge they need to do so. Laurie provides that information, and she offers a bit of realism too. With raw honesty and humor, Laurie tackles such issues as sleeping alone, cooking for one, and dealing with financial matters.

Grief need not be a forbidden topic, nor does the loss of a spouse have to bring your enjoyment of life to an end. Trust Laurie—you can handle this!

Genres: Grief

342 pages, Kindle Edition

Published April 10, 2018

Reviews

[Tara Brabazon · Rating 5 out of 5]

A powerful, sad, moving and honest book. For older widows - this would be a bible. I nearly took a star off because it is clearly a series of blogs positioned into a book and some of the topics would have gained from a deeper and wider treatment. But there is painful and potent truth here. Authentic learning. And well-deep sadness.

Recommended.

[Angie McMann · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a widow, I feel this book should be issued to every new widow. Not only does it cover all the feelings and situations you will encounter, but there are valuable check lists that can help navigate you through the bizarre new world you find yourself facing. It has recipes, laughter and hope. If you know someone that has recently lost their spouse, this book is a must.

[Mark · Rating 4 out of 5]

Grief, loss and mourning have been a big part of my life since losing my oldest child in 1997. In that time, I’ve read a lot of grief books (and published one myself), which basically fall into three genres. The first is the memoir. The best of these eschew advice, offering experience without judgement, as C. S. Lewis does in “A Grief Observed,” or Joan Didion in “Year of Magical Thinking” and “Blue Nights.” The second genre is the novel, where the death of a child/parent/spouse often is the instigating event of a deep exploration of the protagonist’s changed circumstance, self-concept, social standing, or whatever subject the novelist chooses to take on. Grief, rather than being the driver of the plot, becomes the context in which the plot is expressed. The third genre is self-help/advice, in which the direct experience of the writer generally is described, rather than expressed. The focus is on communicating the thoughts, ideas and experiences the writer learned through their grief process, offering a model for new grievers to follow.

“The Joke’s Over, You Can Come Back Now,” falls solidly into this third category. Laurie Burrows Grad lost her husband of 47 years in about five minutes while they were on vacation. Devastated, but already a writer, she took to writing a blog about her sudden, unwelcome widowhood. This book compiles about one hundred posts from the first two years of her deeply resented but inescapable new life. While many books in this category can become quite polemical, Grad avoids this by the comprehensive approach she takes. Many of her blog posts relate a particular issue or experience with a focus on giving the reader a range of tools for handling it. Her post on exercise, for example, begins with a description of her lethargy in the immediate aftermath of her loss, what she did to get her body moving, then a list of several practical steps a reader might take to begin. However, Grad is also able to take a higher view, and in other posts write philosophically regarding grief related issues such as hope, impermanence, PTSD moments, and the like. It is this capacity, to be both practical and analytic, that distinguishes this title from so many others in the self-help category.

A complete picture of grief needs the contribution of all three genres. I am deeply impressed by Grad’s capacity to immediately recruit her intellect and drive to confront her loss, something I was unable to do for many years. I could work, I could work out, but as soon as the outside structure dissipated, my brain turned to jello. Grad turned to her computer and communicated directly the thoughts of that moment. At the end of the day, Grad tells us, grief is individual, lonely, and absolutely a private and personal experience, managed, adapted to, but never forgotten. True. The mourner lives in a world of her own creation, climbing the staircase to a new normal while it still is under construction. IN her final post Grad begins to see the paradox of long-term mourning, as grief and gratitude somehow quilt themselves together. Grad offers many tools to help the mourner build this world for herself. A worthy contribution to grief literature.

[Cheryl · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was recommended to me by a relative; since then, I have recommended it to every bereaved spouse and my grief group. Helpful, honest, real, insightful. I read in small doses for processing space, and now go back and reread for insight and refreshment. Recommended!

[Cassie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Has many very good insights, but as a collection of blogs, it gets repetitive. Humor is good, though, and I liked the recipes.