Breaking the Marriage Idol: Reconstructing Our Cultural and Spiritual Norms

by Kutter Callaway

Should all Christians be married?

Although we might quickly respond "no," our cultural stories and norms—including those in the church—often communicate "yes."

Theologian and husband Kutter Callaway considers why marriage, which is a blessing from God, shouldn't be expected or required of all Christians. Through an examination of Scripture, cultural analysis, and personal accounts, he reflects on how our narratives have limited our understanding of marriage and obscured our view of the life-giving and kingdom-serving roles of single people in the church.

In doing so, Callaway helps the church craft a new story that transforms the way we look at marriage and affirms the contributions of all to the body of Christ.

Genres: Christian, Nonfiction, Marriage, Relationships, Sexuality, Theology, Christian Non Fiction

278 pages, Paperback

Published June 26, 2018

About the author

Kutter Callaway (PhD, Fuller Theological Seminary) is assistant professor of theology and culture at Fuller Theological Seminary. He is the author of Watching TV Religiously: Television and Theology in Dialogue and Scoring Transcendence: Contemporary Film Music as Religious Experience. Prior to teaching at Fuller, Callaway served in pastoral ministry for nearly a decade, focusing primarily on young and emerging adults. He writes for Christianity Today, Fuller's Reel Spirituality website and the Huffington Post.

Reviews

[Rachel B · Rating 1 out of 5]

“From the church’s perspective, I take up space that could be better utilized if I were in a pair.” (quote by Lindy Williams on page 50)

Should all Christians be married?

Callaway states that marriage and singleness are equally good, valid “vocations” for Christians and encourages the evangelical church to alter our cultural norms that often communicate the opposite message.

I had high hopes for this book and was disappointed. I felt that Callaway started off fairly strong, when he initially explored the problems with treating marriage and sex as the ultimate good in life, but then it went downhill.

The first part of the book explores how the broader culture and church culture often look exactly the same. Callaway examines the Disney princess movies at length (this truly should have been condensed), Taylor Swift’s music, and The Bachelor and The Bachelorette TV shows. As for the Christian side, he looks at the “purity culture” that embraced the book I Kissed Dating Goodbye, the True Love Waits campaign, and the concept that Christians are “princes and princesses.” Though lengthy and repetitive, the actual message in this section was mostly solid.

Chapter 2 claims to be about “marriage and humanity” (exploring the Old Testament) and chapter 3, “singleness and sexuality” (exploring the New Testament). The marriage chapter was about marriage and the singleness chapter was about… marriage. I kept thinking to myself, “Didn’t I just read this?”

Then in part 3, the truth comes out. In the table of contents alone, it’s an obvious message: Chapter 5 is titled “The Call of Marriage (or, Why Christians Should Get Married)” and chapter 4, “Desire in Singleness: Ascetics and Eternity (or, Why Christians Don’t Need to Get Married).” (Emphasis original.) If Callaway truly believes marriage and singleness are equally valid options, why not treat even his chapter titles equally to reflect that? (That is, something like, “Good Reasons to Get Married” and “Good Reasons to Stay Single.”) Instead, the message is: Christians don’t need to get married - but they should. While I realize this might sound petty to some, the book is about changing cultural norms - and subtleties matter greatly in forming and perpetuating cultural norms.

It’s not just the chapter titles, of course, that matter. The content is not so great, either. Sheer volume wise, chapter 5 on marriage is 32 pages. Chapter 6 on singleness is the shortest chapter in the entire book at only 19 pages. And it's written by a completely different person - Joshua Beckett, a celibate gay man. So here’s the thing: while I appreciate the attempt to include single voices in the discussion, I also think this was just a cop-out.

Despite what he claims in the rest of the book, Callaway (who is married) doesn’t seem to actually value singleness and I got the distinct impression that it’s because he doesn’t know why he’s “supposed” to. He states on page 15:

“If nearly seventy-five percent of adults are single or are soon-to-be single again, the Christian community has an obligation to support singles as intrinsically valuable members of the body of Christ and foster an environment where one's ministry and vocation is not shackled by external expectations that are both unrealistic and… ‘unbiblical.’” (Emphasis original.)

So singles are only to be treated as “intrinsically” valuable so long as there are so many of them? What an oxymoron!

Instead of standing up and saying, “Here’s why singleness is a valid and equal calling. Here’s how single individuals have uniquely spoken into my life and ministered to me,” he seems to say, “Um… hey, random single person, why don’t you try to explain to the rest of us why your life has value and meaning… what good are you, anyway?”

There are many singles affirming marriage and marrieds, but the Church needs more marrieds affirming singleness and singles in their own words, because there are still so many married people who don’t believe that singles are intrinsically valuable and therefore put no stock into the experiences or stories of singles. Marrieds automatically have a certain credibility with other marrieds due to shared experience and should use that wisely!

Callaway said some good things that I agree with:

“What is at stake when the community of faith uncritically adopts a romanticized picture of marriage, singleness, and sexuality as normative for its life and practice?...
The whole meaning of “singleness” is reduced to a matter of sex, or more accurately, not having sex. As such, single Christians are understood to be living in a fundamentally preparatory state - one that is not meaningful in its own right but only insofar as it prepares nonmarried individuals for the day when they will be married. In the meantime, they are waiting not only for their partner, but also for their life to begin.” (p 78)

“Indeed, because faithful Christian discipleship demands that the single person abstain from that which is taken to be ultimate (sex), singleness simply cannot be seen as a gift or a calling. It can only be a curse.” (p 78)

However, Callaway seemed to be trying so hard to show that sex is not “ultimate” that I felt like he discounted it a little too much. He goes on to compare periods of abstinence in marriage to celibacy in singleness, which are two vastly different animals. Instead of helping marrieds and unmarrieds to find common ground here, I felt this treatment of the situations as almost identical only demeaned and discounted the incredibly difficult sacrifice that celibacy requires of singles every day - without any kind of end in sight, unlike in marriage. While sex is not the be-all, end-all of any life, it is a huge part of marriage and probably the most profound tangible difference between marrieds and singles, so it’s unfortunate that it was discounted so much. (Ultimately, I think that when we reduce our struggles to nothing, we end up reducing our understanding of the grace of God in our lives, as well.)

I kept waiting for this question to be answered: What is the unique purpose of singleness? (Unique meaning that a married person could not fulfill the same purpose due to the very nature of marriage.)

The closest Callaway (actually, Beckett) gets to exploring this is by quoting Henri Nouwen:

“The celibate person is a support to married people in their commitment to each other, because they are reminded by the celibate of their own “empty” center. Seeing the life of a celibate person, they know that they need to protect and nurture their sacred center and thus live a life that does not depend simply upon the stability of emotions and affections. Their lives as husband and wife are also to be rooted in their individual and common love for the One who called them together. And, married people witness to those who have chosen the celibate life, demonstrating how the love of God creates a family and an intimate community from rich and creative human relationships. Married people gift celibate people with a vision of how their love leads them to become fruitful, generous, affectionate, and faithful to their children and to others in need. Married people are a living reminder of the covenant that celibates live with God. Thus celibacy and marriage need each other.” (as quoted on p 208)

There are a few things wrong with this, but I’ll just point out a couple of the more glaring errors: the ideas that the celibate person is apparently incapable of being “fruitful, generous, affectionate, faithful… to others in need,” and that the married person needs a single person only to remind them that life doesn’t revolve around their own emotions. These are human things. God can use marriage, singleness, or any number of other experiences to teach these kinds of lessons - and then some.

Callaway also made some assumptions that are just not accurate. He frequently stated that some particular verse in the Bible “made clear” some particular point - when the passage, in fact, did not make his assumptions clear. I especially thought his exploration of the early Genesis chapters to miss the mark.

This work is very theoretical. While Callaway states his intention was not to write a “how to” book, no book like this would be complete without offering up some kind of alternative going forward. While I agree with his statement, “As a community of faith, we need to rethink how we organize our common life together,” (p 81) his “practical” ideas were not so practical or helpful.

While I can appreciate that Callaway is trying to value all Christian believers with this book, it fell flat for me.

Edited 11/18/23 to change star rating from 2 to 1.

[David Sarkies · Rating 5 out of 5]

Once Again, the Church Got it Wrong
19 January 2024

I was recommended this book by a young lady that had decided to start up a singles ministry in Australia. The interesting thing is that the number of single people are exploding, especially in the church. Okay, as a single guy, I’ve seen it as a guy problem but when I think about the sermons that I heard as a youth, I’m thinking it is just as much for women as it is for men. Mind you, when I went through youth group things were much different, and a lot of my friends were getting married – except for me.

It turned out that a lot of these friends ended up getting divorced as well.

Now that I have read this book it sounds as if the message hasn’t really changed all that much – sex is great, but only in marriage. So, the church is promoting sex as this wonderful thing, but unlike society they are (and in my opinion) rightly saying that it is only for marriage. Well, as it turns out, people are getting married just to have sex, and not surprisingly, the marriages aren’t actually working.

Kallaway does explore this idea well, and being a married man, he does the right thing by giving other people voices. Like we have women who are single but are being treated as second-class Christians because they are unmarried. I don’t see that much in my church because there are quite a lot of single women, including single women in ministry (it’s complicated, but I don’t have time to get married, with wanting to save the world and all that). However, from my reading, this sounds as if it is the exception as opposed to the norm, which I have to admit is rather disappointing.

However, having spoken to some childless couples, I have also discovered that even if you get married, if you don’t have kids, well, you aren’t doing your Christian duty. Yeah, family values is something that is trumpeted a lot by the church, especially the right-wing church. The problem is that Jesus actually says that to follow him we should reject our family (yeah, they love cherry picking the Bible). The other thing is that there is one thing that the Bible never mentions – the nuclear family – it simply did not exist in that time. By my calculations it came about in the industrial revolution when people moved to the city for work, and became the cultural norm after World War II with the invention of the suburbs, and the wide adoption of the car as a means of transport (and I could go on for a very, very long time about cars).

Yeah, the Nuclear Family has become a pet hate of mine. For a faith that is supposed to be built around the community, the only time you meet with that community is on a Sunday (or other times). Outside of that we all retreat to our own private bubble in which we basically exclude everybody. Like, try rocking up at somebody’s house and just spending the next couple of weeks there. Sure, they might let you sleep on the couch, but you will soon be shown the door. From what I’ve heard, this simply does not happen in other parts of the world. In fact, an Indian friend of mine said that it was quite common to have family stay for weeks or months at a time – there is no sending them off to a hotel.

Actually, as far as I’m concerned, the nuclear family is a concept developed by capitalism to sell more stuff. Like, I start to hate it when these right-wing groups start crying out that the family is the foundation of society – it isn’t. In fact, community is the foundation of society, and the cultural norm has been the extended family for most of history. The cultural norm has been village life where everybody lived together. My position is that the nuclear family is actually incredibly destructive to society because it excludes everybody except for the participants. Oh, and when you get married and want to start a family on your own, you are expected to set yourself up on your own. This whole idea of moving out when you are an adult is disastrous. I remember a disabled boy who is forced to live alone because, well, nobody wants him (well, that is how it appeared).

Yeah, even my church, when they talk about the community helping each other my thoughts are basically that I pretty much expect nothing, namely because we all live in our own private bubbles and everybody else can be damned. Like, they try, but they are forcing against a cultural norm that has been co-opted by a church that has become corrupted with capitalism.

Okay, yeah, I’ve been ranting for a bit here, but this is the whole point of it, to read books like this, and to be challenged by how the church has basically failed everybody. Like, those mega churches where the pastors live in multi-million dollar mansions, who generously fund missionaries overseas, but give out gospel tracts instead of tips at restaurants. The sad thing is that a lot of the Christians are getting ever more aggressive as well.

As I have suggested, this is a challenging book, and one that says that the church should move marriage back into its context. Sure, I didn’t agree with him that there isn’t romance in the Bible, but he also suggested that maybe we shouldn’t marry somebody because they were hot (and beauty fades), but rather because of justice. I actually was considering doing that, except all of my peers (who really had no idea whatsoever) convinced me not to because, well, she wasn’t the right type of girl.

The other thing, and the final thing I should mention, is that as a church we should do away with these groups that seek to divide people, and bring the whole church together. Like, I have always found it odd that members of the youth group make up the leadership of the youth group – that’s a classic example of the blind leading the blind. Instead, older, wiser, people should be taking that role (and good luck doing that). Like, they don’t make the kids leaders at Sunday School, so why do that at youth group (or at university)? Instead, as a church, we should be meeting, and forming, relationships across the board – we should be creating community, not division. Most of all, we should definitely do away with these ideas of the milestones that we have pretty much inherited from out western society.

[Joel Wentz · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is one of the best "Christian marriage" books I've ever read. Callaway gives voice to something that many of us (at least if you were raised in cultural Evangelicalism) have experienced, in the overwhelming privileging of couples and families within the church. He smartly zooms out to first examine cultural movements outside the church, before examining where these paradigms have infected the way the church envisions the Kingdom and humanity, which sets this book apart from many others of similar subjects.

The theological content is indeed thoughtful, but feels like it could have been developed even more (especially the treatment of Genesis 1-2) and it made me wish he could have written an entire follow-up volume just on the biblical element. The chapter on singleness (contributed by Josh Beckett) is outstanding, and the book as a whole puts forward a coherent and compelling argument, which ministers in our culture need to take seriously.

[Garrett Frey · Rating 4 out of 5]

An excellent book on shifting the paradigm and conversations that we have around marriage, singleness, sex, and the church. This book voiced many thought, feelings, and wrestling’s I’ve had as well as added to my understanding. Along the way I marked down many quotes and it challenged me to consider more deeply these themes of hospitality, generosity, justice, and forgiveness as the body of Christ whether married or single.

“Remember that single never means solitary.”

[Bruce Zheng · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was quite difficult to read. Having our idols challenged makes us defensive and panicked, and those were emotions I felt when reading the first half of this book.

This book does an excellent job of pointing out how the Christian viewpoint on sexuality falls short when it assumes that sexuality is only relevant within marriage. It also emphasizes how community is built on many more covenantal bonds than the one between husband and wife, and how those platonic bonds are frighteningly weak in the church. Most importantly the writer points out how life in new creation will not involve people being given in marriage. I have rarely heard the implications of this kingdom reality be explored with any seriousness by a pastor-probably because one consequence is dethroning marriage as the primary means of our fulfilling our spiritual, relational, and physical needs.

I did feel that the theological argument for making marriage not normative was not as tidy as I would have liked to see. Especially the claim that Adam and Eve were not married until after they left the garden was a bit difficult to accept, and I feel that this needed to be approached with more rigor rather than just being “thrown out there”. I think that the consistent use of marriage as biblical metaphor points to marriage as being deep and actually somewhat fundamental, although admittedly fulfilled by uniting the church and Christ. Taking the position that marriage is a temporary construct for fallen humanity kind of neglects this in my opinion. Plus claiming that Genesis 2 does not talk about marriage but then several pages later pointing out how Jesus quotes Genesis 2 to discuss marriage ethics was pretty inconsistent.

I am not saying that I disagree with the writer's argument. They have recognized an alarming aspect of the Protestant Christian culture. But a common problem with deconstructive attempts is that something flawed, but of value, is destroyed, and something of greater value is not introduced to replace it. In this sense this book also feels a bit "half baked". I think if anything, however, it is the start of a great conversation.

[Danita · Rating 4 out of 5]

I've never read a book quite like this one. The author masterfully wove criticism of pop culture and evangelical culture to expose idolatry in both. But rather than being a heavy-handed rant, this book offered winsome, surprising ways for believers who are single and who are married to follow Jesus more wholly. The short stories from singles interspersed throughout the book made it shine with realism and hope.

[Tristan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved Callaway’s take on the state of things. I personally didn’t resonate with much of his solutions but that doesn’t take away from the books power! It was still a very worthy read! And his express aim was to de-normalize marriage as the “thing that every faithful (read: sane) Christian should do.” It isn’t. And it shouldn’t be! And he is very persuasive in his cultural critique and more than a bit eerie in how spot on he was in comparing the broader culture’s thoughts on these things and popular Christian thinking. A good, iconoclastic book but lacked in a compelling reconstruction.

[Julia Landes · Rating 3 out of 5]

i really enjoyed the last chapter, and i wish there was more in this book about having a radical community that includes people who are often pushed to the margins in the church as your family instead of charity cases. wish there weren't so many qualifiers in this book that marriage is still okay (seems obvious when the author is married).

[David · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book did a great job deconstructing, but not so great at constructing.

[Erin Henry · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 I do think this is an important topic and think marriage is an idol in evangelical churches. Still waiting to hear the argument for celibacy from a single, heterosexual male. This author is married and has a celibate gay Christian man write a chapter. I still think marriage would be the norm even if we didn’t idolize it. But would like to see singleness perceived as a normal, viable option. One that would be celebrated and made welcome in the church. I do hope this book moves that conversation forward.

[Valeria]

I like it because it’s counter cultural and offers not only the critique of the problem but some practical ideas too. Do I find those good is another matter but they definitely are worth thinking about.

[Trevor Atwood]

I would recommend this book to anyone seeking to think through marriage as it relates to the Bible. Definitely some new perspectives in here- that I’m not totally sold on, but he did say some things I’ve been wondering for a long time- particular to whether what Adam & Eve had pre-fall was a marriage.

ANYWAY….

This book devolves a bit for me toward the end when it gets to practicality. It may be because my own lack of understanding and/or intellect- but putting singing in the category of sexuality seemed strange to me… and a stretch. Saying to a single friend who longs to be married “ go experience the ectstasy of singing together with monks or nuns” as a sexual expression is just a little “blinking white guy” meme for me.

Reminds me of James KA Smith writings in desiring the kingdom. “So we’re formed by our desires and taught to worship in shopping malls- what should we do?”

The reply- “let children rub the hem of the baptismal garment between their fingers on the way into Sunday School.” This book has the same energy at the end.

I am going to pick up his other works- particularly on understanding the cultural shaping of television over the years.

Read the book. Thinks about what Kutter says. It’s worth your time.

[Kt Roth · Rating 3 out of 5]

I didn’t really get on board with this book until Chapter 6 (which btw is authored by someone else). I felt there was a low key apathy and passive aggressive attitude towards culture both inside and outside of the church. I had a challenging time digesting some things that I felt were sweeping generalizations but I did find some very poignant and valid points were made. I greatly appreciated the attention that was drawn to a broader view of what human sexuality is. I also felt the point that was made elevating our understanding of the relationships that are given far less attention was very good. My overarching view at the end was a frustration that I think believers and non believers (singles and marrieds) can both attest to feeling in that pouring our attention into one particular position in life gives credit to segregation in society and furthermore in the body of Christ. Finishing with a call to unity across the board was a nice final touch on a subject matter that unfortunately can at times be devastatingly polarizing.

[Tamara M · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow! This book has impacted me on so many levels - it has challenged my cultural, academical, theological and every-day-life views on singleness, marriage and sex. The way Kutter has deconstructed the cultural and evangelical narrative of marriage and singleness is inspiring and at times difficult to comprehend. How would our married and our single lives look like if we would stop viewing romantic relationships and marriage as "the ultimate way" of personal fulfillment? What if the purpose of marriage is not to be happy, but to bring justice, hospitality, generosity and love to the world around us? What if singleness is not a "waiting season" for marriage? What if there are ways in which community and church can equally honor singles and marrieds and not uphold the one and marginalize the other? What if sexuality is more than just genital sex?
Kutter and his friends and colleagues take a deep dive into these and many other questions as they cast a different vision of singleness, marriage and sex that is daring and life giving.

[Carol Blakeman · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a thought provoking book. I don't agree totally with everything he says, but I really agree with the premise that unmarried people are not second class, waiting in the wings, and that there is something wrong with them, as is often communicated to them by society in so many different ways. It has challenged me to think how I can encourage my adult children to be faithful servants of God, not as something to keep them busy until they find their mates, but as what each of us should be doing no matter where we are in life.

[Carter Hemphill · Rating 4 out of 5]

The author makes a good case for the importance of singleness and marriage within the Christian community. I liked his description of the Disney princess culture, the Bachelor/Bachelorette shows and Taylor Swift’s music. The chapter on celibacy was a little too complicated and less compelling. Overall, I enjoyed the biblical focus on marriage and how the author shows where US culture has distorted Christian perspectives of marriage and singleness.

[Bill · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very important and timely read in our cultural moment, helping church leaders think deeply about the narratives fueling our understanding and behaviors regarding marriage, singleness, and sexuality. Of special importance is the way Kutter has helped me see not only the value of those who remain single, but also the ways both married and single people can learn from one another. His is not the last word, but a guidebook getting important conversations started.

[Bima Anugerah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Buku ini adalah buku yang menginspirasi dalam penulisan skripsiku di STT SAAT. Kutter Callaway memberikan perspektif yang mungkin tidak semua orang bisa menyetujuinya. Perspektif itu membicarakan tentang pernikahan yang sudah menjadi "berhala" bagi beberapa orang. Maka, sesuai judul bukunya, Callaway ingin "mematahkan" pandangan ini dengan perspektif yang ia bangun dari Alkitab. Buku ini sangat menarik dan jadi salah satu buku yang harus dibaca buatku.

[Kyle Szucs · Rating 5 out of 5]

An excellent book from Kutter Callaway. As a pastor, this was an extremely helpful and eye-opening read as I reflect on ways that I lead (from both the stage and off). As the church, we must include everyone (single, married, divorced, widowed, engaged, dating...) in order to be the example that God has called us to be.

[Jen Johnson · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was fine. Callaway brings up some good points about how the church idolizes marriage, often at the expense of single adults. However, I found it very dry and a bit too theoretical in spots. I found that a lot of his points were illustrated better in the vignettes he didn’t write rather in his actual chapters.

[Nicole · Rating 4 out of 5]

This one will not be very popular because it is so countercultural. However, he said a lot of things that I have thought for years. A great encouragement to people who are single and have experienced being thought of as "not a complete person" because they remain unmarried.

[Amanda · Rating 4 out of 5]

The author raised some good questions, but theologically this book is lacking. I don't agree with all of his suggestions, some were strange, but this book will get you to think and that was the point.

[Caroline · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book clearly addresses the reason why our culture says that ‘unless you find your other half you’re not complete’. The author effectively talks about marriage and singleness in a way that does not minimize either but prioritizes both differently!! These norms (that marriage completes us etc.) are so deeply ingrained in our hearts that we often don’t even notice them. The church needs to emphasize the difficulties of marriage more instead of acting like marriage is the answer to satisfy her happiness and give more opportunities to singles in the body of Christ as we continue to seek the same God who brings light to our darkness and fullness to emptiness. I loved this book because it has changed my perspective on the widespread cultural beliefs that have influenced my thinking and that the church has played a part in unknowingly.

[Josh Igwe · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must read!

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

The deconstructing sections were much stronger and more coherent than the reconstructing ones (with the exception of the chapter by the guest author).

[Wendy English]

Interesting perspective on the obsession with coupling. I thought the argument for the concepts were well thought out but long. Very dense book but compelling arguments.

[Francois Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is counterintuitive to much about what we think about marriage in the evangelical church within our Western, materialistic context. I really enjoyed it and it has given voice to many of my thoughts over the years of marriage and relationships. Again - I wish I could have read this book 30 years ago with the same wisdom as I have now.

[Nikaley Chandler · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was excited about this book and found myself increasingly disappointed by it. I think the author makes a strong argument for the idol we've made of marriage in the American church and for how doing so has not only cast the singles to the fringes of the church, but made us out to be not-fully-adult and possibly not even fully alive. So chapters 1-3 start strong...and then it just falls apart. The book is too verbose and too philosophical while simultaneously not expounding upon some of the pretty strong statements he presents about sexuality.

Chapter 5: "The Call for Marriage (or, Why Christians Should Get Married)" gives a list of reasons why Christians should get married... all of which could be presented from an opposite view of why singles should remain single. It's basic Christian discipleship (justice, hospitality, generosity, and forgiveness).

The mirror image chapter for singles, however, chapter 6, is written by someone else (not the author), by a celibate gay man. I almost wish the author had written the mirror chapter for singles himself, making the same points he'd made about marriage, and how singles can live this way too...and then allowed the single to write an additional chapter. I appreciate that he was giving a voice to a single to speak/teach about singleness. However, the chapter was an utter disappointment to this single reader. I celebrate the celibate gay Christians out there, but I'm growing pretty tired of theirs being the only voice of the celibate single Christian. It communicates that heterosexual Christians get married and gay Christians stay celibate, which simply isn't true. (See THIS article that addresses how celibate heterosexual Christians are being left out of the conversation about sexual obedience: https://www.thatgirlbosstheologian.co...). Furthermore--Chapter 6 was so lofty in its waxing eloquently about philosophical matters of Christian singleness that I'll admit: I have no idea what he actually said. The title "Desire in Singleness: Ascetics and Eternity (or, Why Christians Don't Need to Get Married) gives the gist of the chapter: express your sexual desire through the arts (or as one quote by the author, over a shared cup of coffee with someone, page 143) fell so very short of addressing all the reasons why Christians don't need to get married and how God intends to fulfill our needs in other ways.

The final chapter attempts to address some practical things we can do in the church to approach marriage and singleness differently and better. I appreciate what he offered and yet it still felt like it fell so short.

I found it shocking that he never once quoted Sam Allberry's 7 Myths About Singleness, which makes me think he hasn't read it. Allberry offers a better view on why singles don't need to get married and he offers practical tips to both married and singles on how to be better community to one another. I recommend 7 Myths over Breaking the Marriage Idol.