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Advice for Future Corpses (and Those Who Love Them): A Practical Perspective on Death and Dying
Former NEA fellow and Pushcart Prize-winning writer Sallie Tisdale explores all the heartbreaking, beautiful, terrifying, confusing, absurd, and even joyful experiences that accompany the work of dying.
Advice for Future Corpses (And Those Who Love Them) is a practical perspective on death and dying. Informed by her many years working as a nurse, with more than a decade in palliative care, Tisdale provides a frank and compassionate meditation on the inevitable.
From the sublime (the faint sound of Mozart as you take your last breath) to the ridiculous (lessons on how to close the sagging jaw of a corpse), Tisdale leads readers through the peaks and troughs of death with a wise and humorous hand. This is more than a how-to manual or a spiritual bible: it is a graceful compilation of honest and intimate anecdotes based on the deaths Tisdale has witnessed in her work and life, as well as stories from cultures, traditions, and literature around the world.
Advice for Future Corpses (And Those Who Love Them) is a practical perspective on death and dying. Informed by her many years working as a nurse, with more than a decade in palliative care, Tisdale provides a frank and compassionate meditation on the inevitable.
From the sublime (the faint sound of Mozart as you take your last breath) to the ridiculous (lessons on how to close the sagging jaw of a corpse), Tisdale leads readers through the peaks and troughs of death with a wise and humorous hand. This is more than a how-to manual or a spiritual bible: it is a graceful compilation of honest and intimate anecdotes based on the deaths Tisdale has witnessed in her work and life, as well as stories from cultures, traditions, and literature around the world.
257 pages, Kindle Edition
First published June 12, 2018
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About the author
Sallie Tisdale
29 books62 followersSallie Tisdale is the author of Talk Dirty to Me, Stepping Westward, and Women of the Way. She has received a Pushcart Prize, an NEA Fellowship, the James Phelan Literary Award, and was a Dorothy and Arthur Shoenfeldt Distinguished Writer of the year. Her work has appeared in Harper's, the New Yorker, and other publications.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 412 reviews
January 9, 2019
As the title of her current book makes clear, Sallie Tisdale is a provocative writer who likes to address uncomfortable (even taboo) subjects that many prefer to avoid. If you can get past the blunt, weirdly funny, and challenging title of this book, you’ll be okay with the contents: an interesting mix of personal stories, practical advice to assist you in preparing for your own death or caring for a dying loved one, details about the actual process of dying (the changes in the body at various stages, including the time after the death has occurred), information about options for the disposal of the body, and reflections on grief. There are four appendices, which address making death plans, advance directives, organ and tissue donation, and assisted death.
Tisdale has lived a “braided” life as a writer, a nurse/end-of-life educator, and Buddhist practitioner/teacher, and each of these roles has required her to confront hard truths. Since childhood, she says, she has been fascinated with bodies and anatomy, and her rural upbringing brought her into regular contact with death, both human and animal.
Early in her book, Tisdale, who was born in 1957, muses: “We’ve been a most fortunate generation and also one of the most delusional. We are energetically trying not to be as old as we are, to not look old, feel old, and most of all, to not be perceived as old.” She goes on to observe that her Buddhist practice has required her to confront the fact that we (and everyone we love) are constantly changing and will die. Throughout the book, Tisdale refers to a number of writers, scholars, and memoirists who have addressed aspects of death and dying—from American cultural anthropologist Ernest Becker (author of The Denial of Death, 1973 ) to health journalist Virginia Morris (Talking about Death Won’t Kill You, 2001) and Australian writer/memoirist/melanoma patient Cory Taylor, among many others. (I do wish Tisdale had included a bibliography.)
For me, the most valuable part of Tisdale’s book was her discussion of the changes the dying person undergoes and what caregivers can do and say to make him or her more comfortable. She’s very direct about what family and friends should not do, including burden the patient with their own guilt, grief, and need for consolation. I wish I’d had some of this information available to me as I helped to care for a member of my own family who was terminally ill.
While some topics are more thoroughly addressed than others, this is still a rich and worthwhile book. It is worth pushing oneself past the title and reading this guide, especially in an age in which the lives of terminally ill and demented patients can be uncomfortably and futilely extended by modern technologies.
Tisdale has lived a “braided” life as a writer, a nurse/end-of-life educator, and Buddhist practitioner/teacher, and each of these roles has required her to confront hard truths. Since childhood, she says, she has been fascinated with bodies and anatomy, and her rural upbringing brought her into regular contact with death, both human and animal.
Early in her book, Tisdale, who was born in 1957, muses: “We’ve been a most fortunate generation and also one of the most delusional. We are energetically trying not to be as old as we are, to not look old, feel old, and most of all, to not be perceived as old.” She goes on to observe that her Buddhist practice has required her to confront the fact that we (and everyone we love) are constantly changing and will die. Throughout the book, Tisdale refers to a number of writers, scholars, and memoirists who have addressed aspects of death and dying—from American cultural anthropologist Ernest Becker (author of The Denial of Death, 1973 ) to health journalist Virginia Morris (Talking about Death Won’t Kill You, 2001) and Australian writer/memoirist/melanoma patient Cory Taylor, among many others. (I do wish Tisdale had included a bibliography.)
For me, the most valuable part of Tisdale’s book was her discussion of the changes the dying person undergoes and what caregivers can do and say to make him or her more comfortable. She’s very direct about what family and friends should not do, including burden the patient with their own guilt, grief, and need for consolation. I wish I’d had some of this information available to me as I helped to care for a member of my own family who was terminally ill.
While some topics are more thoroughly addressed than others, this is still a rich and worthwhile book. It is worth pushing oneself past the title and reading this guide, especially in an age in which the lives of terminally ill and demented patients can be uncomfortably and futilely extended by modern technologies.
July 16, 2018
Everything you always wanted to know about dying, mostly. Interesting, yes. And a great tonic for those of you into denial and delay (you get "D" for effort). It suffered a bit from some repetition, yes. And the part about Tisdale being Buddhist didn't get as much attention as I wished.
But the cool part came in the final chapters, especially about what happens to your body in the final hours, and what happens to your body once it has "crossed" (and gee, I wish there were an exclusive chapter on euphemisms), and what you must and must not do when you are a caretaker helping a loved one during her/his final months/weeks/days/hours/minutes.
It's good to know, at least, that you do not need a funeral home's services. And that you can fire doctors (who work for you, remember). If you want to be cremated, your corpse can go direct (say, to a crematorium) without passing GO (er, STOP) and paying $250 (er, $2,5000). And there's a look at the newfangled latest (composting yourself) among other ways to dispense with bodies as well as a glance at what various cultures do with them (though it's not exhaustive).
The best part are the appendices. Checklists, questions, key info for your loved ones and mostly you. Think about it. Fill it out. It's your life. It's your death. Which is part of your life, so think about your poor body. The legacy, more an abstraction, is a lifetime in the making, but the body is real and needs to be dealt with the way YOU want it dealt with. One hopes.
But the cool part came in the final chapters, especially about what happens to your body in the final hours, and what happens to your body once it has "crossed" (and gee, I wish there were an exclusive chapter on euphemisms), and what you must and must not do when you are a caretaker helping a loved one during her/his final months/weeks/days/hours/minutes.
It's good to know, at least, that you do not need a funeral home's services. And that you can fire doctors (who work for you, remember). If you want to be cremated, your corpse can go direct (say, to a crematorium) without passing GO (er, STOP) and paying $250 (er, $2,5000). And there's a look at the newfangled latest (composting yourself) among other ways to dispense with bodies as well as a glance at what various cultures do with them (though it's not exhaustive).
The best part are the appendices. Checklists, questions, key info for your loved ones and mostly you. Think about it. Fill it out. It's your life. It's your death. Which is part of your life, so think about your poor body. The legacy, more an abstraction, is a lifetime in the making, but the body is real and needs to be dealt with the way YOU want it dealt with. One hopes.
August 21, 2018
I admit the title is what drew me to this book. I continued reading because it is an unsentimental, non-religious, practical look at death and dying. As the author points out, birth and death are the two experiences that every living creature shares, that no one can practice for, and that are the big mysteries of existence.
In case you think this is a depressing book, it is not. Realistic advice on how to control what you can, and make dying easier for yourself and others.
In case you think this is a depressing book, it is not. Realistic advice on how to control what you can, and make dying easier for yourself and others.
July 31, 2019
I’ve never felt better. Last Words of Douglas Fairbanks, Sr.
If the road to Hell is paved with good intentions, the road to death is paved with platitudes. Nigel Barley
I know this will likely sound maudlin, I promise you I’m a joyful person, but I’ve been thinking a lot about death in the last few years, especially after my Father died, and as with everything in my life, I try to find answers, or at the very least a path to understanding, through books. This was an eye-opening one filled with the practical and the emotional, the intimate and the spiritual and it illuminated some previously dark corners.
The author is a nurse, end-of-life educator, Buddhist practitioner and teacher and explains how ‘these strands have given (her) a measure of equanimity about the inevitable sea of change that is human life.’ With equal parts compassion and frankness, she addresses among other things what it means to die ‘a good death,’ what to say and not to say, last months, weeks, days and hours; what happens to a body after death and what can be the all-consuming grief.
Over and above all that I learned, I really appreciated the appendices: preparing a death plan, advance directives, organ and tissue donation and assisted death. Not subjects we want to address, but necessary because none of us is getting out of here alive.
We forget…that love and loss are intimate companions, that we love the real flower so much more than the plastic one, love the evanescence of autumn’s brilliant colors, the cast of twilight across a mountainside lasting only a moment. It is this very fragility that opens our hearts.
I read this with a nonfiction book club and the meeting turned out to be such an interesting experience and it reminded me how little we know of the often painful road each of us travels in our lives. If I’d known people better, I would have demanded a group hug at the end of our discussion.
Grief is a story that must be told, over and over…Grief is the breath after the last one.
Recommended if you’re willing to face some grim realities with a little bit of humor and a large does of kindness from a wise teacher.
If the road to Hell is paved with good intentions, the road to death is paved with platitudes. Nigel Barley
I know this will likely sound maudlin, I promise you I’m a joyful person, but I’ve been thinking a lot about death in the last few years, especially after my Father died, and as with everything in my life, I try to find answers, or at the very least a path to understanding, through books. This was an eye-opening one filled with the practical and the emotional, the intimate and the spiritual and it illuminated some previously dark corners.
The author is a nurse, end-of-life educator, Buddhist practitioner and teacher and explains how ‘these strands have given (her) a measure of equanimity about the inevitable sea of change that is human life.’ With equal parts compassion and frankness, she addresses among other things what it means to die ‘a good death,’ what to say and not to say, last months, weeks, days and hours; what happens to a body after death and what can be the all-consuming grief.
Over and above all that I learned, I really appreciated the appendices: preparing a death plan, advance directives, organ and tissue donation and assisted death. Not subjects we want to address, but necessary because none of us is getting out of here alive.
We forget…that love and loss are intimate companions, that we love the real flower so much more than the plastic one, love the evanescence of autumn’s brilliant colors, the cast of twilight across a mountainside lasting only a moment. It is this very fragility that opens our hearts.
I read this with a nonfiction book club and the meeting turned out to be such an interesting experience and it reminded me how little we know of the often painful road each of us travels in our lives. If I’d known people better, I would have demanded a group hug at the end of our discussion.
Grief is a story that must be told, over and over…Grief is the breath after the last one.
Recommended if you’re willing to face some grim realities with a little bit of humor and a large does of kindness from a wise teacher.
April 29, 2020
น่าจะเป็นหนังสือที่อินที่สุดในรอบหลายเดือน ถ้าใครเคยอ่าน When Breath Becomes Air เล่มนี้คือแบบนั้นในเวอร์ชั่นที่เล่าประสบการณ์ของคนที่ต้องรับมือกับความตายของคนรอบตัว คนเขียนละเอียดอ่อน ละเมียดลไม และฉลาดมาก เจอมาเยอะ คิดมาเยอะ เขียนมาเยอะ ที่ต้องชมอีกอย่างคือคนแปล อ่านแล้วก็ต้องมานั่งทบทวนตัวเองว่าจะพัฒนาฝีมือการแปลยังไงให้ได้แบบนี้บ้าง ฮา อยากเชียร์ให้ทุกคนซื้อมาอ่านจริงๆ ครับ เหมาะกับสถานการณ์ปัจจุบันและทุกๆ สถานการณ์ของชีวิตเราเลย
ที่เขียนรีวิวไว้ครับ: https://www.the101.world/lesson-from-...
ที่เขียนรีวิวไว้ครับ: https://www.the101.world/lesson-from-...
July 5, 2018
A wonderfully philosophical and yet tongue in cheek reflection on what needs to be done at the end of life. Wonderfully practical, this treatise written by a palliative care nurse and Zen Buddhist, provides authentic information of how to handle a body when it has deceased and explains the person's final symptoms in his/her waning days and what it means. It also is a joyous affirmation on how to live. As someone who volunteers with hospice patients, I found it wonderfully informative and would be useful for programs dedicated to training volunteers or simply to anyone who wants to be open and make their own independent decisions about their final hours. Not for the faint of heart, but those who are full of heart.
February 21, 2019
Well, this made me think about death even more than I usually do, but I found Tisdale's thoughts on it and on the process of dying to be helpful and sometimes illuminating.
I have no doubt that all of this would resonate even more with someone either suffering from a terminal illness or helping someone else through the last stages of their life, but even from my relatively fortunate angle, this provoked me to consider, and sometimes reconsider, what I think makes a "good death," what role a funeral plays, what body disposal technique would suit me, and what the cultural, environmental, and personal impacts of various end-of-life practices are. I don't think I'll reread this, but it was a solidly good thing to have ruminated over all this. There's a lot I didn't know--the low bar for something to legally qualify as hospice, the difference between hospice care and palliative care, that there's a new technique that will freeze your body and then vibrate it into ice crystals. (Sold.) Something that Tisdale quietly and persistently evokes is that there's no simple answer to any of this. You can have a bad death at home surrounded by your family--what happens if you don't want to be surrounded by your family? If their love makes it hard for you to actually take the necessary step of dying?--and a good death in a hospital. Bodies decay or are squirm-inducingly destroyed, and that's unavoidable, no matter how you choose to have yours gotten rid of. You can think you know exactly how someone you love wants to die, and you could be entirely wrong about that, and maybe in a way that would have hurt them.
There really is a practicality at the heart of a lot of this. Tisdale lays out pros and cons of different practices, includes the emotional aspects in that calculation, and explains her own reactions. The clarity of those sections, even when what's being made clear is ultimately that this is all impossibly ambiguous, made them my favorites. For me the parts where Tisdale talks about how to interact with the dying were less helpful, in part because it all seemed to boil down to "just let them do and say what they want and, by the way, 95% of the things you'll want to say will be wrong and unhelpful." Some of it was obvious but concrete and sadly still necessary--don't tell someone their loved one's death is "God's will" or "the result of their karma"--but some of it gets into a kind of amorphous, nitpicky vagueness that to me seemed to be making an impossible demand for the caretaking person to foresee all possible reactions to every word out of their mouth. This got a little repetitive after a while, because these particular issues never really changed.
But the practical side of things is genuinely helpful, because it makes you consider issues you might as well start resolving with your loved ones now--finding out what they want, working out what you want. The death plan and guidelines on advance directives in the back were particularly helpful in that regard. I didn't find as much profundity here as many reviewers did, but I still found plenty to value.
I have no doubt that all of this would resonate even more with someone either suffering from a terminal illness or helping someone else through the last stages of their life, but even from my relatively fortunate angle, this provoked me to consider, and sometimes reconsider, what I think makes a "good death," what role a funeral plays, what body disposal technique would suit me, and what the cultural, environmental, and personal impacts of various end-of-life practices are. I don't think I'll reread this, but it was a solidly good thing to have ruminated over all this. There's a lot I didn't know--the low bar for something to legally qualify as hospice, the difference between hospice care and palliative care, that there's a new technique that will freeze your body and then vibrate it into ice crystals. (Sold.) Something that Tisdale quietly and persistently evokes is that there's no simple answer to any of this. You can have a bad death at home surrounded by your family--what happens if you don't want to be surrounded by your family? If their love makes it hard for you to actually take the necessary step of dying?--and a good death in a hospital. Bodies decay or are squirm-inducingly destroyed, and that's unavoidable, no matter how you choose to have yours gotten rid of. You can think you know exactly how someone you love wants to die, and you could be entirely wrong about that, and maybe in a way that would have hurt them.
There really is a practicality at the heart of a lot of this. Tisdale lays out pros and cons of different practices, includes the emotional aspects in that calculation, and explains her own reactions. The clarity of those sections, even when what's being made clear is ultimately that this is all impossibly ambiguous, made them my favorites. For me the parts where Tisdale talks about how to interact with the dying were less helpful, in part because it all seemed to boil down to "just let them do and say what they want and, by the way, 95% of the things you'll want to say will be wrong and unhelpful." Some of it was obvious but concrete and sadly still necessary--don't tell someone their loved one's death is "God's will" or "the result of their karma"--but some of it gets into a kind of amorphous, nitpicky vagueness that to me seemed to be making an impossible demand for the caretaking person to foresee all possible reactions to every word out of their mouth. This got a little repetitive after a while, because these particular issues never really changed.
But the practical side of things is genuinely helpful, because it makes you consider issues you might as well start resolving with your loved ones now--finding out what they want, working out what you want. The death plan and guidelines on advance directives in the back were particularly helpful in that regard. I didn't find as much profundity here as many reviewers did, but I still found plenty to value.
January 21, 2020
An excellent addition to the shelf of life and the challenges thereof--somewhere between 'How Can I Help?' and Montaigne's essays, between Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and Ram Dass--an examination both personal and philosophical. If the factual information, about the process of dying, the funeral business and its options, palliative care vs. hospice care, there is also the--for me--more moving and valuable discussion of 'the good death,' one that upsets our commonly held notions and challenges us to reimagine, and often surprisingly reassures us, about those final months, weeks and days, through the extensive time she has had to consider her own impressions as a palliative care nurse, as a Buddhist and simply as a person with a certain amount of time on this earth.
She writes beautifully and I love the way this book is balanced between the practical and the philosophical, insights for us in our various life-roles, which include being the dying person, the loved ones, the caregiver, the visitor, the well-wisher, and the physicians.
Here's a bit on the subject of 'the good death', which for me was the most valuable theme of the book:
"To provide a good death, the caregivers must do for 'for' the patient, not 'to' the patient. She is not a disease or a collection of symptoms or a problem needing a solution... I was really annoyed by an essay by an obviously young neurologist who write that hospice doctors are 'the artists of death.' No, my friend . The dying person is the artist of his or her death."
She writes beautifully and I love the way this book is balanced between the practical and the philosophical, insights for us in our various life-roles, which include being the dying person, the loved ones, the caregiver, the visitor, the well-wisher, and the physicians.
Here's a bit on the subject of 'the good death', which for me was the most valuable theme of the book:
"To provide a good death, the caregivers must do for 'for' the patient, not 'to' the patient. She is not a disease or a collection of symptoms or a problem needing a solution... I was really annoyed by an essay by an obviously young neurologist who write that hospice doctors are 'the artists of death.' No, my friend . The dying person is the artist of his or her death."
December 30, 2019
I was intrigued by the title. From it I expected information on the funerals and burials, how they work and what the options are. Most of the book is comprised of the author’s experiences with the death of family and friends and her observations from her nursing career. With the exception of Chapter 10 and the appendicies, my expectations were not met.
One of her themes is that death is normal. We all do it at some time. A dying person may not communicate and may show no signs of pain or internal turmoil. There are references to Buddhist, Hindi, Jewish and Islamic death customs. I do not recall a Christian citation, perhaps there are too many to notice or the author feels audience for this book is already informed.
There is a lot of advice for those caring for the dying most of which was not helpful. For example (pp. 71-75) has many examples of what not to say to a dying person with no examples of what to say. The sections ends with (p.75) “They will sort it out, and so will you.”
Chapter 10 had what I was looking for. There was information on embalming, restorative embalming, decomposition, recomposition, natural burial, cremation, burial at sea and donating parts and/or the whole body to research. The Funeral Customs Alliance is noted as being helpful.
The Appendix has a “Death Plan” which is a form for your survivors stating your wishes on everything from life support desires to disposition of your estate. There is information on “Advance Directions”, Organ and Tissue Donation. Assisted death is covered with samples of what legislation (CA, CO, MT, NM are WA are cited as of the writing) comprises; Canada’s legislation shows to have covered the most issues and contingencies.
I am not sure who I would recommend this book for. The narratives can provoke thought if you are caring for someone near death. I think the useful information could be edited into a 23-30 page guide.
One of her themes is that death is normal. We all do it at some time. A dying person may not communicate and may show no signs of pain or internal turmoil. There are references to Buddhist, Hindi, Jewish and Islamic death customs. I do not recall a Christian citation, perhaps there are too many to notice or the author feels audience for this book is already informed.
There is a lot of advice for those caring for the dying most of which was not helpful. For example (pp. 71-75) has many examples of what not to say to a dying person with no examples of what to say. The sections ends with (p.75) “They will sort it out, and so will you.”
Chapter 10 had what I was looking for. There was information on embalming, restorative embalming, decomposition, recomposition, natural burial, cremation, burial at sea and donating parts and/or the whole body to research. The Funeral Customs Alliance is noted as being helpful.
The Appendix has a “Death Plan” which is a form for your survivors stating your wishes on everything from life support desires to disposition of your estate. There is information on “Advance Directions”, Organ and Tissue Donation. Assisted death is covered with samples of what legislation (CA, CO, MT, NM are WA are cited as of the writing) comprises; Canada’s legislation shows to have covered the most issues and contingencies.
I am not sure who I would recommend this book for. The narratives can provoke thought if you are caring for someone near death. I think the useful information could be edited into a 23-30 page guide.
July 18, 2022
หนังสือคู่มือเตรียมตัวตายอย่างเป็นรูปธรรม
ความตายไม่ได้น่ากลัว แต่การไม่ได้เตรียมตัวก่อนตายทำให้ไม่สบายใจ คิดมาตลอดว่าต้องเตรียมอะไรบ้างในกรณีที่ชีวิตไม่คาดฝัน ดีจังที่มีเล่มที่ไกด์ให้พอเส้นทางคร่าวๆ ว่ามีการตัดสินใจอะไรยังไงบ้างในทางการแพทย์ และผลกระทบต่างๆ ในกรณีใช้ยา
ช่วงต้นเล่มเป็นการเตรียมคนที่อยู่ให้รับมือกับคนที่ใกล้จะไม่อยู่ ซึ่งทำให้เราเห็นภาพความตายชัดขึ้น ความตายที่ดี : ดีของใคร ดีอย่างไร : แทนที่จะ “ดี” ที่เป็นนามธรรม เราได้คิดถึงสิ่งที่เกิดขึ้นตามความจริงกันดีกว่า
เป็นอีกเล่มที่ดีใจที่ได้อ่าน และมีไว้ติดบ้าน เพราะความตายก็เป็นเรื่องใกล้ตัว เรามีคู่มือเตรียมตัวต่างๆ ได้ เราก็น่าจะมีคู่มือเตรียมตัวใกล้ตาย (แบบที่ไม่เกี่ยวกับศาสนา) ได้ด้วยเหมือนกัน
ความตายไม่ได้น่ากลัว แต่การไม่ได้เตรียมตัวก่อนตายทำให้ไม่สบายใจ คิดมาตลอดว่าต้องเตรียมอะไรบ้างในกรณีที่ชีวิตไม่คาดฝัน ดีจังที่มีเล่มที่ไกด์ให้พอเส้นทางคร่าวๆ ว่ามีการตัดสินใจอะไรยังไงบ้างในทางการแพทย์ และผลกระทบต่างๆ ในกรณีใช้ยา
ช่วงต้นเล่มเป็นการเตรียมคนที่อยู่ให้รับมือกับคนที่ใกล้จะไม่อยู่ ซึ่งทำให้เราเห็นภาพความตายชัดขึ้น ความตายที่ดี : ดีของใคร ดีอย่างไร : แทนที่จะ “ดี” ที่เป็นนามธรรม เราได้คิดถึงสิ่งที่เกิดขึ้นตามความจริงกันดีกว่า
เป็นอีกเล่มที่ดีใจที่ได้อ่าน และมีไว้ติดบ้าน เพราะความตายก็เป็นเรื่องใกล้ตัว เรามีคู่มือเตรียมตัวต่างๆ ได้ เราก็น่าจะมีคู่มือเตรียมตัวใกล้ตาย (แบบที่ไม่เกี่ยวกับศาสนา) ได้ด้วยเหมือนกัน
September 16, 2023
After having devoured all of Caitlin Doughty's books about death and still craving more on this topic, the title of this book really drew me in.
Sadly it did not meet my expectations. The author talked a lot about personal experiences and what to say and not to say to someone in your care that is dying. There were also lots of practical tips on ones options when death is near, but personally I plan to live for a little longer and by then I’m sure all of these tips will be forgotten. It would be really funny if I died tomorrow but then again I won’t have time to prepare anything anyway so 😃
ps. if anyone reads this I want to be buried in a compost bag under a tree. thank you 🙏
pps. I also want to donate everything 🧠
pspspspsp. 🐈⬛
Sadly it did not meet my expectations. The author talked a lot about personal experiences and what to say and not to say to someone in your care that is dying. There were also lots of practical tips on ones options when death is near, but personally I plan to live for a little longer and by then I’m sure all of these tips will be forgotten. It would be really funny if I died tomorrow but then again I won’t have time to prepare anything anyway so 😃
ps. if anyone reads this I want to be buried in a compost bag under a tree. thank you 🙏
pps. I also want to donate everything 🧠
pspspspsp. 🐈⬛
April 23, 2023
I’m not about to say I “loved” this book, but I will say that I found great comfort in it. It should be required reading for anyone dealing with an impending death, but really it’s helpful for everyone because we will all die someday. I’ve found myself highlighting and going back to certain chapters to revisit as my loved one’s condition has progressed and I feel so much more prepared having the knowledge from this book. Some people may find the author’s frank style off-putting, but I personally appreciated her no-nonsense approach and complete honesty.
November 5, 2018
Close your eyes. Feel the grass. The silk sheets. The skin of the loving hand. Hear the long-held note. Dance a little. Smell the bread. Imagine that.
As somebody who has spent a not insignificant amount of their time in a dissection room opening up cadavers, I probably am more aware of mortality (at least on a biological sense, in being aware of the horrifying internal clockwork that keeps us alive) than the average person. I think a lot about death but always as an abstraction, at a remove - but of course at some point, most of us shift from realizing that sooner or later some future self will die to realizing that this very self, me, will die . Tisdale spends a lot of time hammering this point home, stripping away the cognitive dissonance that protects us from having to come to terms with this fact.
However, she very frequently veers into existential melodrama - I am dead, too; the me that lived in the other world, the world where she was, died , she opines at one point. There are also many, many pages of wistful, oh-look-how-the-cherry-blossoms-fall style reflections on the nature of mortality. Tisdale is a Zen Buddhist and her philosophy deeply informs the narrative: An old Buddhist meditation is simply this: I am of the nature to grow old. I am of the nature to be sick. I am of the nature to die.
I learned quite a lot about how to deal with the dying, and the bereaved - a lot of the rituals we put in place are for the sake of the living rather than the comfort of the dying. I learned a bit about what questions to ask (and more importantly, what questions not to ask). I learned about attitudes towards death and mourning in different cultures around the world, especially in India and Japan. I learned about new ways I could dispose of my body when I die - resomation (dissolution in an alkaline substance) and promession (being frozen into crystalline shards). I learned new words to add to my death vocabulary - algor mortis (the falling body temperature after death) and livor mortis (the discoloration of the body, as red blood cells break down and stain the skin).
Ultimately, an excellent read in terms of the information content, but gets repetitive when the author waxes lyrical, which she does, often and luxuriantly.
and he was gone out of his body as easily as a leaf drops from the tree in autumn, slowly twisting and falling to the ground
As somebody who has spent a not insignificant amount of their time in a dissection room opening up cadavers, I probably am more aware of mortality (at least on a biological sense, in being aware of the horrifying internal clockwork that keeps us alive) than the average person. I think a lot about death but always as an abstraction, at a remove - but of course at some point, most of us shift from realizing that sooner or later some future self will die to realizing that this very self, me, will die . Tisdale spends a lot of time hammering this point home, stripping away the cognitive dissonance that protects us from having to come to terms with this fact.
However, she very frequently veers into existential melodrama - I am dead, too; the me that lived in the other world, the world where she was, died , she opines at one point. There are also many, many pages of wistful, oh-look-how-the-cherry-blossoms-fall style reflections on the nature of mortality. Tisdale is a Zen Buddhist and her philosophy deeply informs the narrative: An old Buddhist meditation is simply this: I am of the nature to grow old. I am of the nature to be sick. I am of the nature to die.
I learned quite a lot about how to deal with the dying, and the bereaved - a lot of the rituals we put in place are for the sake of the living rather than the comfort of the dying. I learned a bit about what questions to ask (and more importantly, what questions not to ask). I learned about attitudes towards death and mourning in different cultures around the world, especially in India and Japan. I learned about new ways I could dispose of my body when I die - resomation (dissolution in an alkaline substance) and promession (being frozen into crystalline shards). I learned new words to add to my death vocabulary - algor mortis (the falling body temperature after death) and livor mortis (the discoloration of the body, as red blood cells break down and stain the skin).
Ultimately, an excellent read in terms of the information content, but gets repetitive when the author waxes lyrical, which she does, often and luxuriantly.
and he was gone out of his body as easily as a leaf drops from the tree in autumn, slowly twisting and falling to the ground
February 25, 2019
I have had a weird half decade. I've been thinking a lot about the afterlife. It turns out that half of me okay with mystery and the other half of me is definitely not. So I've been trying to look these things in the face, and consider and meditate on them.
This book is really something special. Hard, beautiful, honest. You will cry, from sadness and beauty and recognition. You will be upset. You will be soothed. Tisdale is truly a special thinker and beautiful writer.
This book is really something special. Hard, beautiful, honest. You will cry, from sadness and beauty and recognition. You will be upset. You will be soothed. Tisdale is truly a special thinker and beautiful writer.
December 7, 2020
A tremendous book. An honest book. A terrifying book. Tisdale goes there. She explores the moment where life becomes death, where a body becomes a corpse.
She enters the difficult spaces. These difficult spaces provide eloquent and powerful reflections on life and death.
A life changing book.
She enters the difficult spaces. These difficult spaces provide eloquent and powerful reflections on life and death.
A life changing book.
April 25, 2023
Perhaps this book gave me more because I have witnessed the decline and death of my dad and a close friend from two different and aggressive cancers in the past two years, and much of the content is about what happens as someone moves closer to death, slowly. Or slower than suddenly.
I wish I had read it before these deaths. There is information I could have used to buoy myself when I felt like I didn’t know what to do, and offered more comfort and care to the person dying.
Highly recommend.
I wish I had read it before these deaths. There is information I could have used to buoy myself when I felt like I didn’t know what to do, and offered more comfort and care to the person dying.
Highly recommend.
September 24, 2019
Information, advice and personal stories about death, dying, grief and even body disposal practices around the world. A bit of a hodgepodge, and some parts felt like they needed more discussion and fewer do/don’t lists, but still a nice antidote to the broad denial of death that seems to characterize so much of Western (or at least American) culture.
July 13, 2022
Much better than staring into the sun. Good advice and a must read for anyone that has an elderly relative or knows someone close to death.
May 28, 2019
May I give this book 6/5 stars? or 17/5?
Are you going to die one day? Is someone you love going to die one day? Could you ever find yourself in the presence of the dying, such as an accident or other shared traumatic event? If any of these circumstances are likely to apply, by all means read this book.
This book is amazing. And I disagree with the back-cover blurb that says something like, "This book isn't about dying, but about how to really live." I think it's very much about dying, and that's the beauty of it. It's a wonderful hybrid of reflection, and practical advice. Yes, I now know that "grief is the first breath after the last," but I also have a much better plan for completing my Advance Directive. I know I may never have any sort of recognizable "closure" with estranged family and friends when they pass, but I also know that there is a *lot* in the way of information and options that funeral homes and even hospitals do not volunteer, but legally exist nonetheless.
Sally Tisdale uses a peculiar writing technique that would drive me bonkers in any other book, and I suspect would spur most sane editors to run an intervention. She uses the I/me, you, and they/them pronouns almost interchangably in any given paragraph. Not only is it not confusing, it elegantly underscores her observations and advice around dying and death. It doesn't matter if it's you, me, or the bus driver on this morning's route who's dying, or if they're the ones watching us die--this whole conversation applies to all of us.
I spent several sections of this book in a ridiculous weepy puddle--much of what Tisdale writes is powerfully true and fiercely observed. I spent other sections simply rapt, so compelling were her personal narrative and informed research. Also, she melds her personal and professional observations seamlessly against medical and historical fact, to the detriment of neither.
This is a beautiful and remarkable book, and a useful one, too.
Are you going to die one day? Is someone you love going to die one day? Could you ever find yourself in the presence of the dying, such as an accident or other shared traumatic event? If any of these circumstances are likely to apply, by all means read this book.
This book is amazing. And I disagree with the back-cover blurb that says something like, "This book isn't about dying, but about how to really live." I think it's very much about dying, and that's the beauty of it. It's a wonderful hybrid of reflection, and practical advice. Yes, I now know that "grief is the first breath after the last," but I also have a much better plan for completing my Advance Directive. I know I may never have any sort of recognizable "closure" with estranged family and friends when they pass, but I also know that there is a *lot* in the way of information and options that funeral homes and even hospitals do not volunteer, but legally exist nonetheless.
Sally Tisdale uses a peculiar writing technique that would drive me bonkers in any other book, and I suspect would spur most sane editors to run an intervention. She uses the I/me, you, and they/them pronouns almost interchangably in any given paragraph. Not only is it not confusing, it elegantly underscores her observations and advice around dying and death. It doesn't matter if it's you, me, or the bus driver on this morning's route who's dying, or if they're the ones watching us die--this whole conversation applies to all of us.
I spent several sections of this book in a ridiculous weepy puddle--much of what Tisdale writes is powerfully true and fiercely observed. I spent other sections simply rapt, so compelling were her personal narrative and informed research. Also, she melds her personal and professional observations seamlessly against medical and historical fact, to the detriment of neither.
This is a beautiful and remarkable book, and a useful one, too.
August 8, 2020
อ่านจบแล้วขอบอกว่า อยากให้มีหนังสือแบบนี้ที่คนไทยเขียน
สิ่งที่เราได้จากเล่มนี้มีหลักๆ 3 เรื่อง คือ
1. ได้ฟังประสบการณ์ของผู้เขียน
เราโอเคที่ผู้เขียนพยายามสื่อว่าความตายนั้นเป็นธรรมชาติ ไม่ใช่เรื่องน่ากลัว แต่เรายอมรับประเด็นนี้อยู่แล้ว เลยรู้สึกว่ามันเยอะไป ผู้เขียนเป็นศิษย์ตัวยงของพุทธสายเซน เลยใส่อะไรเซนๆมาเยอะ คนที่ชอบเรื่องซาบซึ้งน่าจะประทับใจ เนื้อหาบางจุดเป็นการเล่าในฐานะพยาบาลอาชีพ แต่หลายจุดเป็นประสบการณ์ส่วนตัวกับผู้ตายที่เป็นคนสนิท แต่เราไม่อินนัก
2. ได้คำแนะนำเกี่ยวกับผู้ป่วยระยะสุดท้าย
มีประโยชน์ในระดับหนึ่ง และคิดว่าน่าจะได้ใช้ในอนาคตไม่มากก็น้อย ทั้งหมดนี้เล่าในรูปแบบเพื่อนบอกเพื่อน ไม่ได้แยกแยะเป็นข้อๆ แต่หนังสือเล่มนี้ฝรั่งเขียนให้ฝรั่งอ่าน เราเลยคิดว่าคนไทยจะเอามาใช้ก็ต้องคำนึงถึงมุมมองและความเชื่อไทยๆด้วย ก็อย่างที่คนเขียนย้ำนั่นแหละ ว่าทุกอย่างต้องขึ้นกับผู้ป่วย
3. ได้รู้ข้อมูลที่ควรเตรียมก่อนตาย
นี่คือจุดประสงค์หลักที่เราซื้อ เสียดายที่น้อยไปหน่อย และหลายส่วนทับซ้อนกับเล่มที่เคยอ่านแล้ว ภาคผนวกพูดถึงเอกสารที่ควรเตรียมก่อนตาย พวกแผนความตาย เอกสารแสดงเจตนาล่วงหน้าเกี่ยวกับการรักษา การบริจาคอวัยวะ และให้ข้อมูลคร่าวๆเกี่ยวกับการุณยฆาต แต่ก็เป็นข้อมูลในอเมริกาเป็นหลัก
แปลดี อ่านง่าย ไหลลื่น
อ้อ ผู้เขียนเล่าถึงธรรมเนียมการจัดการศพของวัฒนธรรมต่างๆด้วย ส่วนนี้ก็สนุกดี
แนะนำสำหรับผู้เกี่ยวข้องกับผู้ป่วยระยะสุดท้าย (ญาติ เพื่อน พยาบาล ฯลฯ), ผู้ป่วยที่อยากทำใจรับความตาย (เจ้าตัวอยากอ่านเอง), ผู้สนใจวางแผนเตรียมความตายของตัวเอง
ปัดขึ้นเป็น 4 ดาว
สิ่งที่เราได้จากเล่มนี้มีหลักๆ 3 เรื่อง คือ
1. ได้ฟังประสบการณ์ของผู้เขียน
เราโอเคที่ผู้เขียนพยายามสื่อว่าความตายนั้นเป็นธรรมชาติ ไม่ใช่เรื่องน่ากลัว แต่เรายอมรับประเด็นนี้อยู่แล้ว เลยรู้สึกว่ามันเยอะไป ผู้เขียนเป็นศิษย์ตัวยงของพุทธสายเซน เลยใส่อะไรเซนๆมาเยอะ คนที่ชอบเรื่องซาบซึ้งน่าจะประทับใจ เนื้อหาบางจุดเป็นการเล่าในฐานะพยาบาลอาชีพ แต่หลายจุดเป็นประสบการณ์ส่วนตัวกับผู้ตายที่เป็นคนสนิท แต่เราไม่อินนัก
2. ได้คำแนะนำเกี่ยวกับผู้ป่วยระยะสุดท้าย
มีประโยชน์ในระดับหนึ่ง และคิดว่าน่าจะได้ใช้ในอนาคตไม่มากก็น้อย ทั้งหมดนี้เล่าในรูปแบบเพื่อนบอกเพื่อน ไม่ได้แยกแยะเป็นข้อๆ แต่หนังสือเล่มนี้ฝรั่งเขียนให้ฝรั่งอ่าน เราเลยคิดว่าคนไทยจะเอามาใช้ก็ต้องคำนึงถึงมุมมองและความเชื่อไทยๆด้วย ก็อย่างที่คนเขียนย้ำนั่นแหละ ว่าทุกอย่างต้องขึ้นกับผู้ป่วย
3. ได้รู้ข้อมูลที่ควรเตรียมก่อนตาย
นี่คือจุดประสงค์หลักที่เราซื้อ เสียดายที่น้อยไปหน่อย และหลายส่วนทับซ้อนกับเล่มที่เคยอ่านแล้ว ภาคผนวกพูดถึงเอกสารที่ควรเตรียมก่อนตาย พวกแผนความตาย เอกสารแสดงเจตนาล่วงหน้าเกี่ยวกับการรักษา การบริจาคอวัยวะ และให้ข้อมูลคร่าวๆเกี่ยวกับการุณยฆาต แต่ก็เป็นข้อมูลในอเมริกาเป็นหลัก
แปลดี อ่านง่าย ไหลลื่น
อ้อ ผู้เขียนเล่าถึงธรรมเนียมการจัดการศพของวัฒนธรรมต่างๆด้วย ส่วนนี้ก็สนุกดี
แนะนำสำหรับผู้เกี่ยวข้องกับผู้ป่วยระยะสุดท้าย (ญาติ เพื่อน พยาบาล ฯลฯ), ผู้ป่วยที่อยากทำใจรับความตาย (เจ้าตัวอยากอ่านเอง), ผู้สนใจวางแผนเตรียมความตายของตัวเอง
ปัดขึ้นเป็น 4 ดาว
September 29, 2018
I loved every word of this book. I listened to the audio version. I kept writing down phrases & I knew very quickly that I'll need to listen to this book again. I'll need to have a copy of the ebook so I can highlight a hundred perfect insights & so I can take advantage of the thorough & specific advice in the two appendices.
The advice is for us, future corpses, but almost more so for us, visitors. The choices are simpler for us as corpses than as helpers. It's not entirely new, but it's beautifully put together. I recommend it for everybody -- we all need to know how to face death, & how to communicate with those we love who are facing it. It is explicit... she describes the various things that happen to the body after death, including tissue donation, blow flies, & fire... but with wonder... don't forget to notice the collateral beauty.
I'm going to be working with this book for the rest of my life.
The advice is for us, future corpses, but almost more so for us, visitors. The choices are simpler for us as corpses than as helpers. It's not entirely new, but it's beautifully put together. I recommend it for everybody -- we all need to know how to face death, & how to communicate with those we love who are facing it. It is explicit... she describes the various things that happen to the body after death, including tissue donation, blow flies, & fire... but with wonder... don't forget to notice the collateral beauty.
I'm going to be working with this book for the rest of my life.
January 24, 2022
*Score: 4/10 DNF @38%*
I think no need for me to mention context for this book, given the lengthy title.
Interesting topic, but very annoying and preachy writing style.
Even though the author says at start there is no preach given her background as a Zen Buddhist, and she will make this general and practical, its pretty much repetitive insult and assumption on reader having no clue on topic, and an endless orders of Do this Don't do this. More like advice on how to be a death dictator.
Absolutely hated the style, even though topic itself was very interesting.
I think no need for me to mention context for this book, given the lengthy title.
Interesting topic, but very annoying and preachy writing style.
Even though the author says at start there is no preach given her background as a Zen Buddhist, and she will make this general and practical, its pretty much repetitive insult and assumption on reader having no clue on topic, and an endless orders of Do this Don't do this. More like advice on how to be a death dictator.
Absolutely hated the style, even though topic itself was very interesting.
September 9, 2018
This was extremely interesting and informative to me at my age of 65. I wish I had read it 5 years ago when my mother was dying, and I think everyone could benefit from the author’s observations and advice.
October 19, 2019
As I approach my 70th birthday, I’m losing a lot of friends to the grim reaper. They have checked in to the Motel Deep Six; headed for room temperature; shuffled off the mortal coil; gone for their dirt naps. As yet another friend wends down the way of Monty Python’s dead parrot, I can’t think of a more helpful book than Sally Tisdale’s Advice for Future Corpses.
This is a travel guide for death and dying that is both practical and amusing. In the way of all good guides, Tisdale tells us about the landscape and how we might beat approach it with love, respect, and compassion. She offers an entire section on what not to say to the dying (It’s all part of God’s plan. Don’t leave me. Time to change your diaper!). She also provides thoughtful advice about listening well, knowing your limits as a caregiver, and ways of being helpful (Throw Aunt Josie out of the sick room if she’s making life difficult).
As an experienced palliative care nurse, Tisdale writes from broad experience about the process of death and how to think about what constitutes a good death. She also includes a series of appendices that function as a workbook for thinking about your own death. I had thought about many of these issues but was surprised to find issues I hadn’t considered at all.
Most people don’t much like to think about death but I think the world would be a better place if we did. I want my kids to know my wishes about end of life care so they don’t have to live with the anxiety of guessing. I want them to know that I prefer the environmentally sensitive disposal of my body, and a good party for friends and family afterwards, but really it’s their call because I will be beyond being affected anymore.
This is a travel guide for death and dying that is both practical and amusing. In the way of all good guides, Tisdale tells us about the landscape and how we might beat approach it with love, respect, and compassion. She offers an entire section on what not to say to the dying (It’s all part of God’s plan. Don’t leave me. Time to change your diaper!). She also provides thoughtful advice about listening well, knowing your limits as a caregiver, and ways of being helpful (Throw Aunt Josie out of the sick room if she’s making life difficult).
As an experienced palliative care nurse, Tisdale writes from broad experience about the process of death and how to think about what constitutes a good death. She also includes a series of appendices that function as a workbook for thinking about your own death. I had thought about many of these issues but was surprised to find issues I hadn’t considered at all.
Most people don’t much like to think about death but I think the world would be a better place if we did. I want my kids to know my wishes about end of life care so they don’t have to live with the anxiety of guessing. I want them to know that I prefer the environmentally sensitive disposal of my body, and a good party for friends and family afterwards, but really it’s their call because I will be beyond being affected anymore.
December 11, 2022
This was provocative and honest and I really enjoyed reading it. Death is tender and tragic, but it also the normal end to life and I love that this book is genuinely what it advertises- “a practical perspective on death and dying.” I hold my time working in geriatrics and with hospice patients dear to my heart and this really made me reflect on that. I really enjoyed the way she approached the subject pragmatically while still being emotional. Also, I know now what I want done with my body after I die!
February 15, 2025
2,5
kažkaip tikėjausi visai kitokios prieigos prie mirties ir daugiau universalios patirties, o ne konkrečiai amerikietiškos. daug patarimų - kreipkis į šitą konkrečią organizaciją, nesikreipk į šitą organizaciją. ok, man tas pats, nes jų nėra Lietuvoj.
yra įdomi anketa gale knygos ,,mano mirties planas”, kuris duoda vietos savai fantazijai.
gerų įžvalgų yra apie tai, kaip bendrauti su žmogumi, kuris neišvengiamai artėja prie savos mirties.
kažkaip tikėjausi visai kitokios prieigos prie mirties ir daugiau universalios patirties, o ne konkrečiai amerikietiškos. daug patarimų - kreipkis į šitą konkrečią organizaciją, nesikreipk į šitą organizaciją. ok, man tas pats, nes jų nėra Lietuvoj.
yra įdomi anketa gale knygos ,,mano mirties planas”, kuris duoda vietos savai fantazijai.
gerų įžvalgų yra apie tai, kaip bendrauti su žmogumi, kuris neišvengiamai artėja prie savos mirties.
September 25, 2019
I checked this book out of my local public library, read approximately 5 pages, and stopped. I immediately ordered my own copy to purchase, because I wanted to underline almost absolutely everything. This book is honest and raw, funny and kind, helpful for thinking about my own mortality as well as the deaths of people I love. This feels like required reading for all mortal humans, particularly those who care for people who are near death or who are living with significant life-limiting illness or terminal diagnosis themselves. Highly recommend, will read again and reference often.
December 16, 2021
Tisdale breaks down the reality around death in a surprisingly loving way. She asks you, in a way that is both gentle and forceful, to really consider what the process of dying entails, and how you are going to deal with it.
This book will make you think about how you will care for your parents, your partner, and how you will ask them to care for you. She gives advice for how to talk with people who are terminally ill, and how to be kind (all good lessons in general). I cried a lot listening to this book, but in a cathartic way. Listening to the audio gave me time to process and think about my grandmother's passing a few years ago, and the loss of a friend of many years this past fall. It made me want to go out and hug everyone I have ever loved.
Read this book before you need it.
This book will make you think about how you will care for your parents, your partner, and how you will ask them to care for you. She gives advice for how to talk with people who are terminally ill, and how to be kind (all good lessons in general). I cried a lot listening to this book, but in a cathartic way. Listening to the audio gave me time to process and think about my grandmother's passing a few years ago, and the loss of a friend of many years this past fall. It made me want to go out and hug everyone I have ever loved.
Read this book before you need it.
July 2, 2023
I knew of this book before I asked my hospice coordinator for book recommendations. I couldn’t wait to read it! It was so informative, and written beautifully, gently. Everyone should read it. We will all experience the death of someone we know one day, and we will die, too. This book talks you through all of it, breaking down all the stigma that surrounds it, and helps you start with your own death plan and advanced directives. Highly recommended.
April 8, 2020
Fantastic book. I rented it from the library, but am going to have to buy it to continue to come back to it's comprehensive and humanizing walk through the painful (and often ignored) minutiae of death.
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