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Why Children Matter
In the Garden of Eden, there was only one "No." Everything else was "Yes."
In this short book on childrearing, Douglas Wilson points out that we have a Father who delights in us and makes it easy for us to love and obey Him. If that is the kind of Father we have, shouldn't we earthly parents do the same? Wilson explains how parents should not just try to get their kids to obey a set of rules or to make their house so fun that following the rules is always easy. Instead, he calls for parents to instill in their kids a love for God and His standards that will serve them well all their days.
This book also features an appendix in which Doug and his wife Nancy answer various parents' questions about various applications of the principles discussed in this book.
In this short book on childrearing, Douglas Wilson points out that we have a Father who delights in us and makes it easy for us to love and obey Him. If that is the kind of Father we have, shouldn't we earthly parents do the same? Wilson explains how parents should not just try to get their kids to obey a set of rules or to make their house so fun that following the rules is always easy. Instead, he calls for parents to instill in their kids a love for God and His standards that will serve them well all their days.
This book also features an appendix in which Doug and his wife Nancy answer various parents' questions about various applications of the principles discussed in this book.
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First published July 1, 2018
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About the author
Douglas Wilson
319 books4,555 followersI write in order to make the little voices in my head go away. Thus far it hasn't worked.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 307 reviews
June 19, 2018
This is some of the most practical, grace-based parenting advice I've ever read. Four of my favorite Douglas takeaways:
1) The most important thing you can do as a parent...is enjoy your kids.
2) Liberty is not a compromise between legalism and license.
3) When your kid touches a glass vase over and over, the lesson you're teaching them is NOT about being careful with glass -- the lesson is how to deal with someone who is frustratingly contrary or disobedient over and over. (After all, your kids will be parents themselves sooner rather than later...)
4) Discipline is about formation, not punishment, so keep calm and discipline anyways.
The short chapters sting like lemon juice in a paper cut, if like me you have areas where selfishness or laziness have crept in -- but of course "Why Children Matter" points you back to the rest and sweetness found in the Gospel. I'd definitely recommend for any parents of toddlers and elementary kids. Christy and I really benefited from talking through parts of it together.
1) The most important thing you can do as a parent...is enjoy your kids.
2) Liberty is not a compromise between legalism and license.
3) When your kid touches a glass vase over and over, the lesson you're teaching them is NOT about being careful with glass -- the lesson is how to deal with someone who is frustratingly contrary or disobedient over and over. (After all, your kids will be parents themselves sooner rather than later...)
4) Discipline is about formation, not punishment, so keep calm and discipline anyways.
The short chapters sting like lemon juice in a paper cut, if like me you have areas where selfishness or laziness have crept in -- but of course "Why Children Matter" points you back to the rest and sweetness found in the Gospel. I'd definitely recommend for any parents of toddlers and elementary kids. Christy and I really benefited from talking through parts of it together.
June 19, 2018
"The best thing you can do for your children is enjoy them!"
This book is a great short read for everybody - because we're all children.
This book is a great short read for everybody - because we're all children.
December 26, 2019
One of the best I've read on parenting.
This book really gets into the details concerning the parents behavior & responses to their kids.
Amazing book, highly recommend it.
This book really gets into the details concerning the parents behavior & responses to their kids.
Amazing book, highly recommend it.
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July 7, 2021Fantastic! This is a book about parenting in the context of the Gospel and imitating God as our Father.
June 24, 2024
Simply phenomenal. Such a joyful little book. I found it to be very insightful, encouraging, and biblical! Recommended for parents with kids of any age. I commend it!
2nd time, June 24, excellent!
2nd time, June 24, excellent!
May 13, 2025
Brilliant, practical wisdom for child-rearing. If only I heard advice like this more often! This’ll be one I reread several times.
February 24, 2021
Excellent book on parenting. The second part on imitation was really good and convicting. The first part felt a bit repetitive, probably because I have read so much Wilson.
September 5, 2023
A close friend gifted me this book as I prepare for the arrival of my first child. It’s deeply theological but also practical. It sparked some good convos between my wife and myself.
January 7, 2019
One of my great struggles is to understand God as my Father. It occurred to me that a book on parenting might help reorient my thinking about God's parenting. While this is a great book on parenting, it didn't quite work for my oblique purpose. It was enough to provide a glimpse of God's fatherhood, but not enough to really open my heart's eyes to it. I can give intellectual assent to the idea that God rejoices over us with singing, but I can't hear Him delightedly singing. I can only perceive Him exasperatedly sighing. Grace remains an academic abstraction; the perceptions of shame and impatience are much more tangible. How can we say we love God, whom we have not seen, if we do not love our brother, whom we have seen? And how can we receive love from God, whom we have not seen, if we have not received love from our parents, whom we have seen? Blessed are those who have not seen, yet believe. It must be possible to believe without seeing, but I haven't managed it yet. I am in Christ, the beloved Son in whom the Father is well pleased, but I struggle to believe His pleasure in me. God disciplines His children in love, but I seldom see the discipline behind any suffering, much less the love behind the discipline. "Paul says in 1 Corinthians 4:15 that one father is tantamount to ten thousand instructors. If you do not have a dad, it doesn't matter how many lectures you get." Or maybe not how many books you read, either.
May 5, 2024
A book of common sense delivered in a well-argued, condensed, humorous and practical manner and deeply rooted in the biblical narrative. It stung. It clarified. It uplifted. Love it!
My first encounter with Douglas Wilson. I’ve immediately began another of his books, Future Men.
Some of the well-dealt ideas in the book: the centrality of imitation in both our growth & our children’s, the necessity of sacrificing WITH singing/thanksgiving, the differences between legalism, licence and liberty, between discipline and punishment, the concept of Christian paideia, the importance of enjoying your kids in every stage etc.
And here are three quotes:
“Jesus literally sang as He was preparing to go to the cross. So, the sacrifices that you will make for your children should be something you can sing over. If there is not a song in it, it is not a biblical sacrifice. Without a song, it is a poor-me, look-at-the-martyr-go sacrifice, and those kinds of sacrifices have a very poor return. You are not just supposed to sing over your children when they are being adorable, asleep in their bed, and you can be at peace with them since they are not misbehaving at the moment. Life is messier than that, and the whole thing—including the mess—should be met with a song. The delight that we are imitating is not an unrealistic delight. This kind of delight takes account of the world as it is, and even so, it rejoices. You sing over your children when you are sacrificing for them, when you are taking the hit for them, and when they have no idea what you are giving up for them.”
“When you have a home filled with grace, it is not without standards. You are not introducing moral anarchy. Grace is not an amorphous, gelatinous mass. Grace has a backbone. However, when the standards are broken, the heaviest sacrifices in the work of restoration are made by the guardians of grace, not by enforcers of law, finger-pointers, parental accusers, or people who correct in a nasal tone of self-pity. "
“No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but the glory of discipline is found in the harvest (Heb. 12:11). Discipline and fruition occupy time, just like your children do. Bringing children up is not abstract bookkeeping, but is rather a story—from planting to harvest. Hardship in a story is grace. Hardship without a story is just pain.
Childrearing is the opportunity that you have to love your children in preparation for a harvest, but that means you need to have the harvest in mind.”
My first encounter with Douglas Wilson. I’ve immediately began another of his books, Future Men.
Some of the well-dealt ideas in the book: the centrality of imitation in both our growth & our children’s, the necessity of sacrificing WITH singing/thanksgiving, the differences between legalism, licence and liberty, between discipline and punishment, the concept of Christian paideia, the importance of enjoying your kids in every stage etc.
And here are three quotes:
“Jesus literally sang as He was preparing to go to the cross. So, the sacrifices that you will make for your children should be something you can sing over. If there is not a song in it, it is not a biblical sacrifice. Without a song, it is a poor-me, look-at-the-martyr-go sacrifice, and those kinds of sacrifices have a very poor return. You are not just supposed to sing over your children when they are being adorable, asleep in their bed, and you can be at peace with them since they are not misbehaving at the moment. Life is messier than that, and the whole thing—including the mess—should be met with a song. The delight that we are imitating is not an unrealistic delight. This kind of delight takes account of the world as it is, and even so, it rejoices. You sing over your children when you are sacrificing for them, when you are taking the hit for them, and when they have no idea what you are giving up for them.”
“When you have a home filled with grace, it is not without standards. You are not introducing moral anarchy. Grace is not an amorphous, gelatinous mass. Grace has a backbone. However, when the standards are broken, the heaviest sacrifices in the work of restoration are made by the guardians of grace, not by enforcers of law, finger-pointers, parental accusers, or people who correct in a nasal tone of self-pity. "
“No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but the glory of discipline is found in the harvest (Heb. 12:11). Discipline and fruition occupy time, just like your children do. Bringing children up is not abstract bookkeeping, but is rather a story—from planting to harvest. Hardship in a story is grace. Hardship without a story is just pain.
Childrearing is the opportunity that you have to love your children in preparation for a harvest, but that means you need to have the harvest in mind.”
December 9, 2018
Great. Simple and straightforward. Wilson is at his best talking about the Christian family. He shows that proper discipline is not anti-gospel, but *depends* on the gospel. (A few quibbles, but) I'd recommend it for anyone with kids of any age (but especially little ones).
August 14, 2025
Reread for ladies book club at church. Enjoyed it- very much based on principals of Christian parenting. My favorite part was the emphasis on imitating Christ. It is very true that our children WILL imitate us, whether we want them to act like us or not. Great push for pursuing your own sanctification and pouring into your children as PEOPLE— not simply getting onto them every time they step outside of your ideals.
September 29, 2022
“You are not teaching the child to be a good version of what they are. You are rather teaching them to be what they are becoming.”
Douglas Wilson’s book on parenting focuses on discipline, education, and imitation. I found it incredibly helpful (and witty) and it was laced with Gospel grace. I took a lot of notes in the margins and I’m sure I will revisit in the future.
Douglas Wilson’s book on parenting focuses on discipline, education, and imitation. I found it incredibly helpful (and witty) and it was laced with Gospel grace. I took a lot of notes in the margins and I’m sure I will revisit in the future.
January 26, 2023
Fantastic. I may make this a yearly read.
September 29, 2022
One of the points I loved most - when asked what the most important thing you can do in the little years to help mold your children, Doug Wilson said to enjoy them.
I want to love and enjoy my kids, not think of parenting as just a sober list of responsibilities. This is our family and our life! How exciting to share it with them and show them how amazing this world is that God made.
Also appreciated the note that our actions are the real teachers. We as parents need to set the example of how we ask them to behave. Kids spot those inconsistencies.
I want to love and enjoy my kids, not think of parenting as just a sober list of responsibilities. This is our family and our life! How exciting to share it with them and show them how amazing this world is that God made.
Also appreciated the note that our actions are the real teachers. We as parents need to set the example of how we ask them to behave. Kids spot those inconsistencies.
February 8, 2021
This is a mercifully short parenting book that helps refocus and reframe parenting on helping your kids grow into Christ-loving adults. A crushing blow for self pity in parenting and a beautiful reminder that one of the best things you can do for your kids is to *enjoy them.*
December 31, 2023
Excellent. I'll be returning to this again and again!
July 21, 2023
I rarely finish a book in one sitting anymore due to time constraints and size of the books that I read. But I finished this one before I realized it partly because it was so well-written and secondly because the topic was captivating. It is a sad state of affairs when the title of this book becomes controversial, but that is where we stand in our society. Wilson not only shows that children do, in fact, matter, but goes on to give immensely practical applications for parents to show their children that they matter. One way to show this is how those children are reared. It is rather easy to see in the public square, parents with children who, while they would rarely verbally admit that children do not matter, show that they do not matter based on their children’s behavior. Additionally, parents show that their children matter by the manner in which they punish their children, if they punish wrongdoings at all. As Wilson points out, children need to be shown from an early age that they are not merely law-followers, but rather that they should be law-lovers. Anyone can follow a law, but few love the law or the one who gave it. The book ends with an appendix of a Q&A with Doug and Nancy Wilson asking them some good, and a few pretty silly, questions regarding parenthood and child rearing. Overall, an excellent book.
April 27, 2023
Doug clearly outlines biblical principles for raising children, while still leaving open a right amount of freedom in application of those principles. Also lots of practical advice in the Q&A section at the end.
One of the things I liked a lot about the book was the emphasis on your duty as a parent to model what you are expecting of your children, and taking challenging situations with your children as an opportunity to be sanctified yourself - a point Doug helpfully kept returning to.
Just as a heads up to my Baptist brothers and sisters - Doug’s Presbyterian convictions definitely come across strongly in this one, be ready to take those parts with a pinch of salt 😉
One of the things I liked a lot about the book was the emphasis on your duty as a parent to model what you are expecting of your children, and taking challenging situations with your children as an opportunity to be sanctified yourself - a point Doug helpfully kept returning to.
Just as a heads up to my Baptist brothers and sisters - Doug’s Presbyterian convictions definitely come across strongly in this one, be ready to take those parts with a pinch of salt 😉
December 15, 2024
A very nice length. (listened to it with my wife while traveling for holidays in less than 3 hours)
Jam packed with wisdom and principles for parents.
Best of all facilitated thoughtful conversations with my wife that helped clarify, flesh out, and unify our vision of godly parenting and how we are going to apply it in our specific season.
Jam packed with wisdom and principles for parents.
Best of all facilitated thoughtful conversations with my wife that helped clarify, flesh out, and unify our vision of godly parenting and how we are going to apply it in our specific season.
January 6, 2025
Acest autor este un adevărat cunoscător al subiectelor pe care le abordează în cărțile sale. Experiența sa de viață bogată și autentică se reflectă în numeroasele sfaturi valoroase pe care le oferă.
*Citit trad.ro.
*Citit trad.ro.
December 30, 2018
Children do matter
This is a great little book! Totally for parents, grandparents and teachers of all kinds!!! I highly recommend this. Go get it!
This is a great little book! Totally for parents, grandparents and teachers of all kinds!!! I highly recommend this. Go get it!
May 22, 2021
This book is a wonderful explanation of how important biblical childrearing is. It gives great practical advice on discipline and family dynamics but also provides an encouraging and loving perspective on parenting. I really enjoyed the question and answer section at the end! So helpful!
April 17, 2018
Profoundly useful book; I would recommend it rather than Standing on the Promises, in hindsight.
November 7, 2018
Addresses many of the common confusions of common church folk. Good biblical application.
July 27, 2020
Solid, convicting, and practical.
February 16, 2019
A condensed refresher on Doug’s other teachings on child rearing. Always convicting, accessible and practical.
February 10, 2022
Excellent. Will probably be revisiting many a time. Along with "Future Men".
Displaying 1 - 30 of 307 reviews