Blend: The Secret to Co-Parenting and Creating a Balanced Family

by Mashonda Tifrere, Alicia Keys (Foreword)

A wise and inspiring guide to creating a happy and healthy blended family by Mashonda Tifrere with contributions from her co-parents--Swizz Beatz and his wife, Grammy-Award winning singer and songwriter Alicia Keys.

In January 2010, founder of ArtLeadHer Mashonda Tifrere and music producer Swizz Beatz finalized their divorce. When Swizz married award-winning singer/songwriter Alicia Keys, a new dynamic was born--three adults who loved and were deeply committed to raising Mashonda and Swizz's four-year old son Kasseem. In Blend , Tifrere draws on the insights they gained from their journey as well as advice from family therapists, parenting experts, and other blending families, to provide an invaluable resource for blended families.

Statistics show that one in three Americans is now a step-parent, stepchild, step-sibling or other member of a blended family. The number of first time marriages or romantic relationships that end in divorce or breakups and the high percentage of remarriages and new relationships that involve children demand a unique, life-affirming approach to processing the end of one relationship and the rebirth of a new familial dynamic with the well-being of children at its center. In this book, Tifrere shares intimate details on how she and her co-parents used communication, patience and love to create an environment where they were able to work as a team and all the children involved could thrive.

Blend will inspire a generation of families.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Relationships, Self Help, Audiobook

256 pages, Hardcover

First published October 2, 2018

Reviews

[Gabriella · Rating 3 out of 5]

Mashonda Tifrere (with help from her assorted family members) has written a solid how-to manual for mothers dealing with the expansion of their previously nuclear families. She has skillfully converted the media attention on her own situation with Swizz Beatz and Alicia Keys into the chance to share her best practices for healthy co-parenting.

I'm sure that anyone dealing with the issues she describes will feel really heard but also challenged to do better by this book. She includes interviews from notable and everyday co-parents, so you really feel like you're not alone in the predicament. Even as someone who doesn't have children or a spouse, I felt like her conflict resolution tips and tricks were ones I could take into my own relationship.

At the end of the day, her parenting (and blending) methodology boils down to respect for the "nucleus child" as an autonomous being deserving of unconditional love and a nurturing environment, even in different homes. This progressive form of parenting derives from a sense of mutual respect that isn't often embraced in the black community, and calls for a subsummation of ego that is even more rare. I think everyone can take some notes from how she, Swizz, and Alicia approach hard conversations and bonding moments with Kaseem. They orchestrate many of their interactions with him to ensure that he feels heard, supported, and confident, instead of prioritizing their authority as the parents above all else.

She doesn’t really address the elephants in many people's co-parenting situations: uninterested fathers, financial constraints and demands of separation for less wealthy people, and the general abuse that accompanies many co-parenting situations. I was hoping she would at least delve into dealing with the betrayal that comes with extramarital affairs (and children born of them), but I guess maybe that was something Swizz Beatz asked her to leave out.

In conclusion, this is a slightly shallow reading of the general challenges of co-parenting, but a gracious, inspiring take on the emotional strategies of healthy parenting that I might return to when I have my own kids.

[Bradford · Rating 2 out of 5]

A very accessible read, but maybe so accessible that it lacks substance. You can definitely tell it was written by a celebrity. For someone with a background in mediation and medicine, there was little that I hadn’t learned before. Probably a great read for someone new to self-help or who has not yet developed their personal philosophy.

[Erin · Rating 3 out of 5]

Fluffy

[Bridget Forney · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not at all what I thought the book would be about when I bought it… However, I’m so glad that I read this book. The first 3/4 of the book are really about how Mashonda, Alicia and Swizz all came to the idea of coparenting together quite peacefully. This notion goes against popular modern culture that tells us that coparents should be enemies or shouldn’t be friends, or shouldn’t be friendly with each other.

The last part of the book was, perhaps, my favorite part and shed the most light on my personal situation. It was the part about the “nucleus child” and the feelings that children of divorce or separation are actually experiencing, how they are feeling different from their peers, what they may need from us and exactly how we can meet them where they’re at. Thank you, Mashonda, for using your platform to change the way we ALL think about coparenting and inspiring us to open our wings and soar to new heights of love and humanity!!

[Samira Amer · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book had great intentions. It was an easy read and, being part of a blended family, identifies with many of the struggles and solutions presented. Unfortunate I don’t know how this would help someone who is not ready at the peaceful level. I wouldn’t call this a self help book, but a great demonstration that co-parenting with peaceful and untraditional blending it possible. The end of the book leaves me wondering what happened in their relationship and why Swizz had a baby overseas when married to Mashonda. It made me very curious as I’m not very familiar with celebrity drama. Overall I liked that I can relate to these stories and even picked up some advice I hadn’t thought about for my blended family.

[Maggie N. · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book got me into all kind of emotions and I couldn’t stop listening once I started.

Tears fell out my eye as I related to my own life as a child and as a mother of two beautiful girls that are blended family potential.

Thank you Mashonda for being vulnerable and sharing your truth with us.

With this, I pray that I create a loving family for children and everyone involved.

This should be read by everyone because it covers multitude of lessons.

God bless you and your family.

[Jillian Baker · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a must read for anyone who is divorced with children. The common stereotype is that exes are supposed to hate each other and the relationship after divorce is supposed to be strained. This book breaks those stereotypes. Actually, everyone should read this book to understand the pain of divorce one goes through and all the work that is required to heal. That work is especially important when children are in the picture.

[Tammie Fowlkes · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book she gave lots of examples of ways to positively co-parent. I wish I had used some of her advice when I was co-parentng with my daughter's father. I admire Mashonda, Alicia Keyes and Swizz Beatz for putting the love of the children first. I feel all co-parents should read this book everyone can learn something from this book.

[Dominique Ross · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book gave me hope and a good idea of how to properly co parent. I loved Mashonda’s vulnerability and resilience to do right by her son by any means, in the name of love. She gets first hand stories from other parents who are also co parenting and how they’re doing it successfully. Books like this for blended black families is so important.

[Breen · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5 Some good advice - nothing new. Too much of the book is spent on the divorce and finding her path imo. Important yes. I was expecting more about the actual blending / co-parenting from this book, but the reality was the was the last 1/4 of the book. For that I was disappointed.

[Erin · Rating 3 out of 5]

All of the parenting, divorce, coparenting (etc. and etc.) books I've dug into recently have the same premise. Get your own self together so you can react mindfully, calmly and peacefully when bad stuff happens to and with your kids. The end.
(Still good but not mind blowing.)

[Dizonne Vessell · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book...it's not only about blending families, it touches on other issues as well.

[Lena · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a well-written testament to your blending journey. Thank you for your transparency as you shared your growth process.

[Lindsay Mellum · Rating 3 out of 5]

Great memoir / parenting book for blended families, recommend for anyone with kids looking for compassionate coparenting examples.

[Denysha · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was an interesting read. Got a good insight into the dynamics of Alicia's family. There were a few cool concepts.

[Cassie Van Tiem · Rating 5 out of 5]

Finished in one day! One of the best Blended Family reads, yet.

[Cassidy✨✨ · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you’re a product of divorce, read this book. It’s healing. If you’re a parent who coparents in anyway, read this book.

I cried so much.

[Jennifer · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book, with outlooks from not only the adults but the child too !