Can You Hear Me?: How to Connect with People in a Virtual World

by Nick Morgan

A Washington Post Bestseller Your manual for remote and virtual work. Communicating virtually is cool, useful, and now even more ubiquitous and necessary than ever. But we're often reminded that the quality of human connection we experience in many forms of virtual communication is awful. We've all felt disconnected in a video conference, frustrated that we're not getting through on the phone, upset when our email is badly misinterpreted, or anxious that we're being misunderstood. How can we fix this? In this powerful, practical book, communication expert Nick Morgan outlines five big problems with communication in the virtual world--lack of feedback, lack of empathy, lack of control, lack of emotion, and lack of connection and commitment--and shows how to overcome them as we shift to working remotely more and more. Morgan argues that while virtual communication will never be as rich or intuitive as a face-to-face meeting, recent research suggests that we need to learn is to consciously deliver a whole set of cues, both verbal and nonverbal, that we used to deliver unconsciously in the pre-virtual era. He guides us through this important process, providing rules for virtual feedback, an empathy assessment and virtual temperature check, tips for creating trust in a virtual context, and advice for specific digital channels such as email and text, the conference call, Skype, and more. Whether you're an entrepreneur, an independent professional, or a manager in an organization that has more than one office or customers who aren't nearby, Can You Hear Me? is your essential communications manual for twenty-first-century work.

Genres: Nonfiction, Business, Psychology, Communication, Self Help

288 pages, Hardcover

First published January 5, 2019

About the author

Dr. Nick Morgan is one of America’s top communication speakers, theorists and coaches. A passionate teacher, he is committed to helping people find clarity in their thinking and ideas – and then delivering them with panache. He has been commissioned by Fortune 50 companies to write for many CEOs and presidents. He has coached people to give Congressional testimony, to appear in the media, and to deliver an unforgettable TED talk. He has worked widely with political and educational leaders. And he has himself spoken, led conferences, and moderated panels at venues around the world. During the last election cycle, he provided expert commentary on the presidential debates for CNN.

Nick’s methods, which are well-known for challenging conventional thinking, have been published worldwide. His acclaimed book on public speaking, Working the Room: How to Move People to Action through Audience-Centered Speaking, was published by Harvard in 2003 and reprinted in paperback in 2005 as Give Your Speech, Change the World: How to Move Your Audience to Action. His book on authentic communications, Trust Me, was published by Jossey-Bass in January 2009. His book on communications and brain science, Power Cues: The Subtle Science of Leading Groups, Persuading Others, and Maximizing Your Personal Impact, was published by Harvard in May 2014. His latest book, Can You Hear Me?, on the perils of virtual communication, is due out from Harvard in 2018

Nick served as editor of the Harvard Management Communication Letter from 1998 – 2003. He has written hundreds of articles for local and national publications, and appears frequently on radio and TV. Nick is a former Fellow at the Center for Public Leadership at Harvard’s Kennedy School of Government.

After earning his PhD. in literature and rhetoric, Nick spent a number of years teaching Shakespeare and Public Speaking at the University of Virginia, Lehigh University, and Princeton University. He first started writing speeches for Virginia Governor Charles S. Robb and went on to found his own communications consulting organization, Public Words, in 1997.

Nick attributes his success to his honest and direct approach that challenges even the most confident orators to rethink how they communicate.

Reviews

[Clare O'Beara · Rating 3 out of 5]

The author looks at new media affecting our lives. He wildly overgeneralises, assuming everyone has a life identical to his. "We've all been bored in a video conference" when I have never been in a video conference. "We all follow so many social media and getting a like just makes us want to get more likes," no again. This total lack of connection with a reader who has been using e-mail since 1996 is shortsighted. People each use tech in their own way and most of us use only that which we need to use.

The author tells us that problems with online chats and e-mails include poor communication and lack of empathy. As well as the above boredom. Next is a chapter on what neuroscientists say about our brains - we are less able to store memory, given that we can access answers quickly. The old way of gaining information, by going out to look, gave us a wide view point and a safe retreat. But working from our own heads we have neither. I like that analogy.

We're advised to cast an eye over our online presence by googling ourselves, and clearing off any thing that doesn't represent us now. Yes we do google others quite often, and they google us. The author adds to focus on the message rather than the person, and to put up new content that we would want others to know.
Then he's back to asking if we've ever put a conference call on hold while looking at facebook. I have never used either one.

A more interesting item is when the author talks about how emotions help us to make decisions, saying that aged seventeen he suffered a brain injury which stopped him feeling emotions for a few months and he went through difficulties with decision making. Sorry to hear that, hope all is well by now. Compressing sound over copper wires removes the lowest and highest tones of voice, making it harder for us to sense the emotions in the call.

A researcher found that those using 'social' words in their chat were less likely to be laid off. Such perceived words included football, making me wonder if men were less likely to be laid off than women.

Then the author settles in to tell us all about the principles and etiquette of various forms such as e-mail. Maybe there are those who need a chapter on e-mails, but I think a set of bullet points would suffice, especially since this by now seems to be a business handbook. He compares various channels - some of which I have heard of and none of which I have used. Then he recommends using emojis. Apart from getting down with the kids, why? Is this business acceptable now? He proceeds to webinars, which is like a Ted talk on Youtube. I've given presentations all right. Only at college. That chapter will be useful for lots of people. He proceeds to sales, and what the future might have in store.

Anyway, this book will suit some readers better than others, but does not tell you much about security of communications or identity, so I recommend Violet Blue's The Smart Girl's Guide to Privacy: Practical Tips for Staying Safe Online.
Notes P261 - 268. I counted 24 names which I could be sure were female. I downloaded an e-ARC from Net Galley. This is an unbiased review.

[Pavel Annenkov · Rating 4 out of 5]

О ЧЕМ КНИГА:
- Очень своевременная книга, которую я прочитал по рекомендации журнала Harvard Business Review. Ник Морган - специалист по коммуникациям, который решил помочь нам улучшить качество онлайн общения.

- Автор сначала разбирает 5 основных препятствий, которые нам мешают общаться онлайн на том же уровне, что и в оффлайне. Во второй части книги мы получаем основные инструменты для управления коммуникациями в онлайн формате. Очень ценно, что для каждого типа общения(конференции, совещания, вебинары и продажи) нам дают свой набор подходов.

- Нам надо принять новую реальность, когда всё больше общения происходит онлайн и научиться в ней эффективно общаться. Книга Моргана нам в этом поможет.

ГЛАВНАЯ МЫСЛЬ КНИГИ:
Мы должны научиться структурировать наше онлайн общение, а также добавить в него эмоции и чувства, чтобы сделать его лучше и эффективнее.

КАКАЯ БЫЛА ЦЕЛЬ ЧТЕНИЯ:
Узнать новые подходы, чтобы качественнее проводить онлайн планерки в своих компаниях, а также семинары и тренинги, которые теперь тоже перешли в виртуальный формат.

ГЛАВНЫЕ ВЫВОДЫ:
▪️Формат коммуникаций за последние 10-15 лет очень серьёзно изменился. А наш мозг не может так быстро поменяться и перестроиться. Мы тысячелетиями привыкли жить рядом друг с другом и постоянно общаться вживую. Человек - это социальное животное. Нам всем надо учиться общаться онлайн.

▪️Каждый из форматов коммуникации в онлайне убирает главнейшую часть любого общения. Эмоции.

▪️Учиться общению онлайн - это как учить новый язык.

▪️Основные проблемы общения онлайн
1. Отсутствие немедленной обратной реакции на все что я делаю
2. Невозможность понять чувства других людей
3. Трудно определить эмоции других
4. Отсутствие постоянной связи с другими. Одиночество

▪️ «Our meetings, especially virtual ones, are outstripping our attention spans». Надо делать виртуальные встречи живее и короче.

▪️У каждого онлайн совещания всегда должен быть модератор. Его задача отслеживать настроение участников, вовлекать их в диалог и регулярно проводить промежуточные итоги встречи.

▪️Еще раз! Очень важно, чтобы все встречи в онлайне начинались по расписанию и во время их проведения соблюдался тайминг.

▪️При переходе бизнеса на онлайн, от руководителей требуются еще более сильные лидерские качества, потому что управлять виртуальной командой сложнее.

▪️Хороший подход для сплочения удаленной команды - регулярно делиться друг с другом личными короткими видео(прогулка с ребенком, готовка дома, местные достопримечательности и тп).

▪️Простые правила для проведения качественой онлайн конференции:
1. Всегда должен быть модератор.
2. Установите сразу правила в начале эфира.
3. Обязательно нужна повестка и жесткий тайминг.
4. Все должны подсоединиться к конференции за 10 мин до начала.
5. Начинайте всегда вовремя.
6. Каждые 10 мин получайте обратную связь от слушателей. Задавайте вопросы, просите поставить + и тп.
7. Обращайтесь напрямую и вовлекайте неактивных слушателей.
8. Регулярно, каждые 20-30 мин подводите краткие итоги встречи. Где мы сейчас, что узнали и обсудили, что будет дальше.

▪️Во время онлайн переговоров надо добавлять побольше личных тем для обсуждения. Тогда вероятность успеха в переговорах возрастает.

ЧТО Я БУДУ ПРИМЕНЯТЬ:
⚒ Сделаю чек-лист из 8 правил проведения эффективной онлайн конференции.

[Literary Redhead · Rating 4 out of 5]

This Harvard Review Business Press release offers helpful strategies to boost the clarity and impact of communication across an array of virtual formats. 4 of 5 Stars.

Thanks to the author, publisher and NetGalley for the ARC. Opinions are mine. Pub Date 30 Oct 2018. #CanYouHearMe #NetGalley

[Laurie Ruettimann · Rating 5 out of 5]

We don’t fight like we used to.

Have you ever been in an email war? A text fight? Has someone ever been a jerk to you on a conference call? Unlike old-school rap battles, your online disputes with colleagues never end in sick beats and mad rhymes; they only end in heartburn and passive aggressive text messages.

That’s why I’m recommending “Can You Hear Me? How to Connect with People in a Virtual World” by Nick Morgan.

The modern world forces us to be online. Whether we work remotely or not, technology plays a greater significance in our lives. Why does email suck so much? Why is it so hard to communicate a simple idea via text? Why does everybody seem so angry and stiff on a conference call?

These are the questions that Dr. Morgan answers. He’s a noted researcher and public speaking instructor who travels the world helping celebrities, corporate leaders and business professionals communicate more effectively. And the one problem everybody has? Virtual communication. So, this book aims to help us relate to one another as humans on various technological platforms that weren’t built with human beings in mind.

Dr. Morgan is an excellent writer who identifies problems and offers solutions in straightforward ways. Work on remote teams? Need to communicate more effectively on Twitter? Wonder why your personal brand isn’t resonating with your target audience? You don’t have to hunt around for answers. Everything is straightforward and clear.

I also think you’ll like this book because embedded in the lessons about technology are instructions on how to be a better leader and communicator. Want people to hear you? Need your team to follow your instructions? Maybe it’s you. Time to use the technological tools at your disposal more efficiently.

So, I’m pleased to recommend “Can You Hear Me? How to Connect with People in a Virtual World” as our #HRBookClub book of the month. Dr. Morgan has helped me improve my communication skills at home and with my colleagues. I know he’ll help you, too.

[Karren Hodgkins · Rating 3 out of 5]

The author sees the need to add the emotional subtext back into virtual communications to avoid the personal and financial cost he believes is associated with miscommunication. I don’t have any problem with the premise that face-to-face communications are the most effective, that we are designed to connect to one another, that connection leads to increased engagement, that we have five senses and making use of all of them improves communication.

The book is broken down into sections, eg: the five big problems with virtual communications, the specific issues and fixes for the various digital channels, sales and then a look at the future.There is lots and lots of detail to read and many action lists.

There are many facts and figures to substantiate the authors arguments, it is very well researched and there is a lot of advice on what to do. But some of it is of a more general nature yet is written in a way that suggests its specific eg: on virtual feedback, “ If you perceive a work to be slapdash, say, so, and say how it falls short but don’t conclude that the creator is lazy.” This is the essence of effective communication, dont you think?

Different communication channels have always been strengths and weaknesses, eg: morse code, telex, memos, telephone calls etc. Is the world changing faster and so we need to adapt accordingly,I think so. It just the way its written makes It all just feel a little over the top.

Three Stars

With many thanks to the author, the publishers Harvard Review Business Press, and NetGalley for my free copy to review

[أخضر أخضر · Rating 4 out of 5]

نحن أكثر الشعوب تقدمًا، وخاصة في وسائل التواصل السربعة السهلة، والتكنولو��يا التي اختصرت الوقت، وربما يكون أفضل وصف لما نعايشه في القرن الحادي والعشرين، هو أننا نعيش في نصفين منفصلين أحدهما حقيقي، والآخر افتراضي، فالبرغم من أن القدرة على التواصل الافتراضي تعد بمثابة تقدم ك��ير، إلا أن لهذه التجربة التكنولوجية الضخمة جوانب سلبية، مثل مدى الانتباه الذي أصبح أقصر، وإدمان البقاء على العالم الافتراضي، والعلاقات التي أصبحت أكثر هشاشة.

كل هذا يدفعنا للتساؤل هل الفضاء الافتراضي أفضل اختراع مر علينا؟ أم أنه يحمل في طياته أسوأ ما قد يواجه البشرية؟
ويدور هذا الكتاب حول مشاكل التواصل الافتراضي، ويقارنها بالتواصل الواقعي، كما سيساعدك الكتاب على بناء وجهة نظر ومفاهيم جديدة لتتعلم كيف تعيش بشكل أذكى، وتتواصل بشكل مختلف، كي تستطيع الصمود في هذا العالم الافتراضي الجديد والجرئ.

يمكنكم استماع وقراءة المزيد حول التكنولوجيا والمستقبل على تطبيق أخضر في 15 دقيقة.

[Greg Hawod · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you want to foster better understanding with another person, it is better to do it face to face rather than through virtual means like text, email, chats, or videoconferencing. The thing about communication is that not only we share ideas cognitively. As humans it is far more important for us to communicate emotionally; to share our emotions with our fellow human beings in a way that our present online tools have yet to do better.

This book presents compelling reasons as to why face to face conversations are much better in conveying our thoughts and emotions. Readers can certainly attest to this since from the beginning until the end of the book, that is what Nick Morgan wants us to remember.

The beauty of this book also lies on the fact that it is grounded in reality. The author knows that we are living in a digital world. This is the reason why he devoted several chapters on how we can improve our communication skills on several platforms such as email, webinars, chat, etc.

Anyone who is the business world today will benefit from reading this book. This is especially true for those online businesses that rely on online networks to operate in this world.

Thanks for Harvard Business Review Press and NetGalley for allowing me to read and review this book.

[Melissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book. I found several helpful strategies to work with others. I plan on purchasing this and adding it to my professional bookshelf to share with others. Thank you for the opportunity to be an advance reader for this book.

[Annarella · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very good: well written, clear and helpful.
This book is a must read as everybody is involved in the digital world and everybody should know how to cope and what strategy use.
Highly recommended!
Many thanks to Harvard Business Review and Netgalley for this ARC

[Scott · Rating 1 out of 5]

Couldn't even make it through the 20-page introduction that spun circles on itself, re-treading the same points over and over again. It felt like the author was writing an assignment trying to hit a page count instead of trying to hit concise points and then actually go explore them.

The author feels like he has been coaching so long that he's genuinely out of touch with what workers are experiencing in the world today.

I've been a fully remote worker for 4 years now, and I can't relate to his dated examples: the "high tech" web conference that cutoff the other persons head as they walked in, the poor audio that resulted in them yelling at each other(?), and a reiterating later that web calls often resort to participants yelling at each other since they can't hear. I'm on Zoom calls every day, and people have never been telling at each other due to audio quality.

I skimmed and realized that whatever tiny gold nuggets might be buried in broadly over-generalized and dated examples weren't worth panning for with my time.

[Kate Davis · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was looking forward to reading this book to get tips on improving the increasing quantity of digital communications, but it didn't meet my expectations. I felt it focussed too much on digital communication being harder and less effective than in person communication. I already knew that which is why I wanted to read the book, and instead of feeling encouraged I felt increasingly defeated about the opportunities for improvements.

I was tempted to give the book two stars as I did not find it an enjoyable read. However I've decided on three as I have got some ideas on improving my digital communications. For example, asking people to share a colour about how they feel about a discussion point so you know if you've communicated clearly or need to answer questions.

[Doris Maklewska · Rating 3 out of 5]

Lots of fluff! Sure there are some useful big ideas but described in an annoyingly repetitive way. This book could have 1/3 pages of what is it today. I skipped last pages assuming those will be the waste of my time. What I’m going to do is to study most of the quoted / mentioned sources.
What was extremely alarming for me: there was a note in a book on an experiment measuring the effectiveness of requests made face to face or by an email - the conclusion were quite clearly stated BUT then I’ve checked the experiment and discovered that - the probe was very small & if didn’t take many variables under consideration. If that was the case - what about all the others truths in the book...?

[Sasha Boersma · Rating 5 out of 5]

It’s weird to be reading a book published in 2018 with all these tips on how to make connections with others with virtual communication tools, while during a pandemic where for the past year we’ve had to do just that.

The book however is not dated, and very relevant.

What I found very interesting is how much of his advice goes against traditional management/leadership/sales strategies. It’s about remembering you’re dealing with humans who have brains that are not wired to communicate this way, and we aren’t wired to lead them this way. Therefore, forgive, overcommunicate, and deal with the blending of personal and work when people are working remotely.

[Valeria · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very interesting for the business world, very much business-focused with a lot of practical advises on how to make your virtual meetings/emails/Skype/webinars more effective and more empathetic. I wish it would talk more about virtual relationships outside the workplace and how we relate to friends and family more and more through social media, and how it impacts such relationships.

[Suzanne · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great ideas for working with remote employees as well as employees IRL. In particular, love the idea of taking a temperature of how people are feeling at the beginning of a meeting (green-- good, ready to go; yellow--"I'm having a crappy day & need to be cut a little slack"; and red-- "I'm close to a meltdown and should be approached w/ extreme care").

[Mark Jewell · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's a treatise on how to make online interactions count without getting lost in the muddle. What’s more, it will help you form healthier habits and better tackle specific forms of communication: chats, text, email, conference calls and more.

[Teresa · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found the negative tone of the book a bit off-putting, but it is full of good, practical advice and ideas for navigating life in a virtual office and a virtual world.

[Morton Public Library · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great advice for anyone trying to connect in a world that is changing rapidly to a virtual one. A must for today's working world. Nancy

[Sadaf Khan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Relevant to the current scenario and a must-read for anyone who wants to communicate better. Liked the summary bullet points.

[Oxana Gutu · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of the books I find to be appealing to different audiences in the same clear and friendly language. If you are looking for advice on your online and social media presence, this is the book. Equally, if you work in a more and more virtual working environment, this is the book.

I wrote about my take away for the working environment on myprojectdelight.com. Here are my take away for the online social media presence.

“Writing is hard; few of us do it well.” Our modern world requires all of us to become writers.

“Good writing also has authenticity, consistency, transparency, empathy, and connection.”

“In the virtual world, good storytelling is even more important”. Learn from the best and do not frown at hashtags. The shortest story ever belongs to Hemingway. His bet started inadvertently a flash-fiction game that has gone on to this day: six-word stories.

I found an abundance of great advice and tools here: empathy quiz, advice on basic online hygienic package, how to create and manage your online persona, and where to get started, etc.

And a call for action: “We need to reclaim our lost humanity on the web. We need to restore the emotions that all too many of the digital conveniences of the modern world have silently and unthinkingly taken away.”

[Andrea · Rating 4 out of 5]

Can You Hear Me? How to Connect with People in a Virtual World by Nick Morgan is an upcoming release from the Harvard Business Review (Thanks for the sneak peek NetGalley!) This was a dissection of different types of technology. First, there was an exploration of the potential hazards and issues of each type. Then, there were suggestions of what could be done to make each of these more engaging and more like a "real life" meeting. As someone who works remotely and leans on technology, this was a super interesting and helpful read on how to better leverage the ways I have to communicate. I really appreciated the advice on how to better integrate emotion into these technologies because so often that's what can be lost in these relationships. Honestly, if you're using technology to communicate, this is a must-read as there's some definite worthwhile nuggets for conference calls, webinars, video calls, etc.

[Davide · Rating 5 out of 5]

Virtual communication is now routine for everybody: telephone, email, teleconference, chat,... But (at least partially) the non verbal message is missing and misunderstanding happens very frequently.

The author describes the five basic problems (the lack of feedback, empathy, control, emotion, connection and commitment) and then provides specific and very helpful techniques and pratical fixes for each digital channel.

For example your can
- signal excitement (and stress) by speaking faster and raising our pitch
- increase the impact and memorability of your communications by explicitly informing the audience on what’s in it for them.

[Toyin Spades · Rating 3 out of 5]

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