this year, I read the script instead of watching the film. thought it would be a nice change, and I wanted to connect with these characters as deep as I possibly can
it's interesting how your perspective changes as you get older. I used to think I relate to this so much because my mom doesn't like me either, and there's nothing I wish more than studying far away from my family, living where culture is. I guess that's inevitable when you grow up in a small town, seeing the same places and encountering the same people. I'm 20 now, and I live in a college town that I care so much about... but it never seems to care about me back. the people here are amazing and I love them, pay attention to them (because aren't they the same thing? love and attention?) but I never really felt that I was being loved. and it's not really anyone's fault either, I just.. you can't force people to love you when they don't
but my mother, and the people in that town I wanted to get away from so much, has shown me so much love in so many different ways I could never imagine. it's so hard to see that when you're so focused on getting out. I guess Lady Bird saw that too, when she called her mother after her first day in college. it's so hard to find a place that you belong to, truly, earnestly, but I first belonged to my mother's womb, and maybe her presence is the place I have always been searching for all along. I told her I loved her today, it's been years since I last said that; and I do, I really do