Weird Parenting Wins: Bathtub Dining, Family Screams, and Other Hacks from the Parenting Trenches

by Hillary Frank

Unconventional--yet effective--parenting strategies, carefully curated by the creator of the popular podcast The Longest Shortest Time

Some of the best parenting advice that Hillary Frank ever received did not come from parenting experts, but from friends and podcast listeners who acted on a whim, often in moments of desperation. These "weird parenting wins" were born of moments when the expert advice wasn't working, and instead of freaking out, these parents had a stroke of genius. For example, there's the dad who pig-snorted in his baby's ear to get her to stop crying, and the mom who made a "flat daddy" out of cardboard and sat it at the dinner table when her kids were missing their deployed military father.
Every parent and kid is unique, and as we get to know our kids, we can figure out what makes them tick. Because this is an ongoing process, Weird Parenting Wins covers children of all ages, ranging in topics from "The Art of Getting Your Kid to Act Like a Person" (on hygiene, potty training, and manners) to "The Art of Getting Your Kid to Tell You Things" (because eventually, they're going to be tight-lipped). You may find that someone else's weird parenting win works for you, or you might be inspired to try something new the next time you're stuck in a parenting rut. Or maybe you'll just get a good laugh out of the mom who got her kid to try beets because...it might turn her poop pink.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Humor, Family, Audiobook, Adult, Childrens

256 pages, Paperback

First published January 15, 2019

About the author

Hillary Frank is a freelance writer based in Philadelphia. She is the author and illustrator of the novels Better Than Running at Night (Houghton Mifflin 2002), I Can't Tell You (Houghton Mifflin 2004), and The View From the Top (Penguin 2010). Better Than Running at Night was named a Top Ten First Youth Novel by Booklist and a Best Book for Young Adults by the American Library Association.

Hillary is also an independent producer for a variety of programs on public radio.

Her work has aired on This American Life, Morning Edition, All Things Considered, Studio 360, Marketplace, Day to Day, Weekend America, and Chicago Matters. She has won awards for her radio stories from the Association for Women in Communications, the National Mental Health Association, and the Third Coast International Audio Festival, one of the highest honors in public radio.

Hillary has taught courses and workshops to young and grown adults at Loyola University, River Oak Arts, Off Campus Writers' Workshop, and the City of Chicago's inner city writing program Words37. She has also appeared as a guest speaker at many schools and libraries, including the New York Public Library, the Brooklyn Public Library, the Chicago Public Library, Tufts University, Simmons College, the School of the Art Institute of Chicago, and high schools around the country. Both Hillary's first novel and her first radio story started as unsolicited submissions, which she hopes is proof to aspiring writers that getting published really is possible.

Reviews

[Emma · Rating 2 out of 5]

I LOVED 99% of this book, which is why I am so disappointed that the author included a testimonial from a family that bribed their gay teenager with tickets to an event to get him to go to a week long, conservative Mormon summer camp where he couldn’t wear clothes that he felt comfortable in and where he was the recipient of homophobic comments. That’s not an anecdote, that’s abuse. It’s a shame, because the rest of this book was so lovely, but that is what I am going to remember about it forever.

[Mauri · Rating 2 out of 5]

Nothing special. Frank’s open and honest stories about her experiences were the best part, though there’s nothing mindblowingly new if you’ve listened to her podcast, The Longest Shortest Time. The tips and anecdotes from other parents were alright, though some of them were of that “well, MY kid eats EVERYTHING” variety, like you’re somehow responsible for world peace because your kid happens to eat sushi. The chapter on having sex while avoiding your kids was probably the best one for parent tips, however. A lot of honesty about intimacy and being creative.

There were some weird jarring moments, like the sudden mention of a stillborn baby in a selection of parenting mantras. The one that had me really D: however was an anecdote about finding the right incentive for your kid. A Mormon mom relates how she promised her “fabulous sixteen-year-old, makeup-obsessed gay son” tickets to a family-friendly drag show if he attended an ACT prep camp...at Brigham Young University, “extremely conservative” with “a strict honor and dress/grooming code.” Because it’s cheaper than going elsewhere. He weathers some homophobic comments, but it’s okay because he scores really well on the ACT and even makes friends with one of the homophobes!

I’m sorry, I guess it’s great that this kid thrived and even managed to change a fellow kid’s mind. But people kill gay children (for starters). I can’t imagine sending my gay child to BYU and what? Hoping for the best? All because I wanted to save money? Telling this story like it’s a proud parenting moment about the time I found the right currency to motivate my kid to not wear the make-up he loves and get kicked out of a program that rejects who he is - really? I mean, at least tell it as a story of taking some risks so that your kid can get into a great college and choose a career that will provide the financial stability he needs to be himself without fear.

Sorry. Two paragraphs out of the whole book, but it hit a nerve. Too much of the book was like that: this story is cute, that story is funny, this one is touching, and then suddenly there’d be something cringe-worthy presented as funny, cute, or touching.

Recommender: NPR’s 2019 list

[Olivia · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a helpful book because it stokes creativity in parenting, helps parents give themselves more grace when the "prescribed solutions" don't work with your own kid(s), and bring some much needed laughter. It also made me want to stop and share stories with my husband whether to laugh together or to brainstorm together.
If you're someone who reads any parenting books, this one is worth having in your repertoire.

[Morgann Shanoff · Rating 3 out of 5]

First, confession - I didn't read this book myself, I listened to it on audiobook. I'm glad I did. It was a quick read (read: listen) and I liked having a variety of readers to hold my attention.

Second, I read this book because I have been feeling some intense pressure from friends and family, and mostly myself, about starting a family. No one is holding a threatening object to my back and demanding a grandchild, niece/nephew or a baby-friend, this is literally my biological alarm clock going off and somehow, not being able to find the snooze button this time around.

Third, this book was actually entertaining. I found it relaxing to listen to, and didn't feel like I had missed out on a huge plot line if I got side tracked while making bacon and baby-talking to my mom's dogs (this actually happened). Parents from all over the world contributed their parenting triumphs and it made me feel not alone, even though I have no children to speak of... I'm not even pregnant. But it made me feel heard and validated some of the strangest fears I have thought about at 3am when the anxiety holds me back from sleep. What I didn't like about this book is that there were very few dads that chimed in with their tips. Seeing as how it was published in 2o19... I felt that dads were left out, and it seemed outdated on that front. My husband's goal in life is to be a dad, and it would have been nice to hear more from the strapping young men of the world that had the 20/20 hindsight we all wish we had.

[Jessica · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was such an enjoyable read! It's a compilation of the weird and clever things parent have done to get their kids to sleep/eat/bathe, open up about their lives, and generally cooperate as human beings. It's organized starting with the problems that affect smallest kids the most often (sleep is first) and goes all the way through navigating high school and college kids' growing independence. The whole first half of the book had me laugh-crying over some of the ridiculous things people (myself included) do out of desperation to get babies to sleep, toddlers to eat, and preschoolers to get out the door fully clothed. The second half of the book I did a lot of highlighting of the excellent tips for life with siblings and older kids. This is a great change of pace from the typical parenting book because it doesn't give you broad generalizations about caring for kids that you then have to figure out how to put into practice; it gives you lots and lots of specifics of how different families do it to give you ideas for what might work with your kids. And it will make you laugh in the process, which every parent needs, am I right?

[Jessica · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was good! Actually good, not just "podcaster wrote a book" good. Admittedly, my expectations were low because those books usually turn out so very bad. The crowdsourcing made this much more than just a rehash of content, but I was also happy to find Hillary's essays incredibly well-written. She didn't just compile a book, she wrote a fair amount of it and her longer sections were my favorite parts.

I don't feel a need to have a copy on hand for referring to parenting hacks, though. The 'wins' themselves were specific, but for me it was general parenting inspiration. I wasn't frustrated to return it to the library.

[Sarah McCosham · Rating 5 out of 5]

Highly recommend for all parents! Fun stories and tips that reminded me that parenting is not one-size-fits all, and sometimes you just have to roll with the punches using wit and whatever means necessary!

[Nic · Rating 4 out of 5]

This made me laugh out loud a few times, and might have given me some useful ideas! It's also a good jumping-off point for discussions about parenting styles and what we are and aren't comfortable with.

Would be 5 stars, but I'm docking it one because the author chose to include a parenting "win" in which the parents bribed their gay son to attend a homophobic Mormon summer camp that made him (understandably) uncomfortable. Ew, y'all. Don't do this.

[Nathaniel Darkish · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some stories are really fun or funny. Some are pretty standard and not worth sharing. And some people were way too willing to share specifics of their sex lives in the art of getting it on when you have kids in the house. I don't need that much kinky detail in a book otherwise full of cute parenting stories, it's a weird tonal shift 2/3 of the way through the book.

[Siim · Rating 5 out of 5]

Nice little book because of the real-life examples of parents finding curious ways that work with their children in different situations. Every child is unique, so is every parent and thus there are an endless combination of parenting styles.

[Jaimi Brooks · Rating 4 out of 5]

It was a fun and easy read that not only share specific solutions other parents have found, but commiserates in so much of the absurdity in parenting while showing that creativity is where the answers are.

[Joy Matteson · Rating 5 out of 5]

A literal "LOL" parenting book filled with "OOO I MUST TRY THAT" ideas from hundreds of parents. As a parent of an almost 3 year old, this book gets me. If you're a parent that needs to laugh instead of cry, pick this one up.

[Rachel · Rating 4 out of 5]

Although not earth shattering or helpful in terms of concrete takeaways, I very much appreciate the book for the overall message of do what works for you and not everything will work for everyone and that’s ok.

[Avi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Might have been better titled how to manipulate your children and laugh while doing it.

[Emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book really made me laugh. Hope I can remember some of these parenting wins when the time comes!

[Liz De Coster · Rating 2 out of 5]

If you're big into "life hacks" I think this book would work well for you. I had a hard time with the fragmented, piecemeal approach - although I enjoyed Frank's voice and perspective.

[Vay M · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wow, i think this book is so pratical. I'm not a parent yet, but i think i can use this as a handbook to find shortcuts for babysitting.

[Diana · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was just a fun and enjoyable read about all the crazy and hilarious things parents do to get their kids to eat, sleep, and poop in the correct places. I laughed at many of those stories and pulled lots of tips from parents of older kids. Worthwhile read for most parents.

[Debi · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'll be buying this book as a shower gift for any parents-to-be. It will see them through infancy and beyond!

Much like the podcast, the tone is a friendly mixture of humor and humility.

*Full disclosure/boast: one of my parenting wins is included included in this book.

[Cheryl Gatling]

This book is written by Hillary Frank, who does a podcast about child-rearing called The Longest Shortest Time. (That seems to be a theme: a lot of books I’ve read lately have been spin-offs from podcasts.) Ms Frank has written an introduction to each chapter, and the rest of the book is comprised of write-ins from parents all over the world telling what worked for them.

There is advice about toilet training, getting kids dressed, getting kids bathed, getting kids to bed, soothing children’s fears, and even how to arrange private alone time for parents. There is some “weirdness” in many of these stories, as being willing to act like a fool, with silly dances or exaggerated acting can often get kids to laugh instead of cry. But the more accurate version is: go with whatever works.

Many of these stories involve distracting kids. A lot of them involve tricking kids into behaving, sometimes with outright lies. I used to say I would never lie to my child. Then I had a child. They will forgive you when they are older, once they have turned into responsible, well-nourished adults. That is, if they ever find out that you really don’t need a membership card to shop at Toys R Us.

Here are just a few of the helpful hints about getting kids to eat. One mother, whose daughter would not eat vegetables, showed her the vintage Saturday Night Live skit called “Lettuce,” where the actors take big chomps out of a head of lettuce. That did the trick. Another parent put homemade leftovers into a Happy Meal Box, which made the kid eat them. Another told her kid that the mashed potatoes she would not eat were “hot ice cream,” and the kid ate them. Another parent filled a Pez dispenser with frozen peas, and the kid ate them.

Like those ideas? There’s lots more. I thought that Ms Frank’s chapter introductions were the best of the book. Most of these were smart and entertaining. There is one chapter, though, where she talks about the physical toll that birth took on her body, after a botched episiotomy, and botched episiotomy repair. That was at the same time one of the funniest things I have ever read, and one of the most terrible, in terms of pain and suffering.

The overall effect of the book is positive. If the parenting advice you read in the manuals doesn’t work for you, then try something else. Just do whatever works for you.

[Kevin Parkinson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I didn't know much about this book before I purchased it. As it turns out, the book is made up of 10% narratives and 90% wins.

The narratives are essays on parenting written by podcaster Hillary Frank. They follow traditional essay formats - she takes the time to set the context and draws you in to the given topics. The essays sometimes combine research with anecdotes, reflections, and personal experiences.

The wins are sort of like the comment section of Facebook. They are rapid-fire lists of times parents have been successful. As if someone posted "How do you get kids to sleep" or "How do you address sibling rivalries," and then the books lists whatever people responded with. They are fast and quick - not really following the narrative format of the essays.

The wins were okay to read. Some of them were genius, some of them were funny, and some were just interesting to hear. The philosophy of the book isn't necessarily to try all the things they list (though some of the tips really are applicable strategies I would want to try). More than that, the book recognizes that "try this and everything will be perfect" tips aren't really realistic. So it isn't always about adapting all of these ideas. Rather, it's just cool to hear parents win. Parenting is so hard. So I'm at the point now where I'll root for all parents. So to hear so many successful strategies in which parents were able to handle business was entertaining, inspirational, and almost therapeutic. So that was cool. But because they went one after the other and were so quick without taking the time to build context, at times it got a little boring. If it was just for the wins (which, again, was 90% of the book), I would probably rate this a three star, maybe a four.

However, the essays were extraordinary. Even though the essays were just 10% of the book, they were so incredibly strong that the whole book deserves a five star review from me. I'd like to look more into the author in hopes that she has more traditional books. When she had time to really set the scene, I ate up every word that she said. Even when she discussed things that I couldn't possibly relate to, I still felt so much empathy for her. And I often laughed.

So overall, I do recommend this book to parents. Pay extra special attention to the essays!

[Natalie · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was definitely funny, creative, and different; however, it was difficult for me to stick to it even though I'm extremely interested in the topic! I understand that the tips and tricks had to be listed as they were from a variety of sources (not just her family and friends), but for me as a reader it kept breaking my attention span. I think that I really enjoyed Frank's voice, and so the break ups were more jaunting to me than others. I also did not really understand that this was how the information would be presented throughout the book. Again - it makes sense, but I prefer more substantive chapters being fleshed out by the author rather than a quasi-listicle. That being said, I have gleaned many hacks from this book that I wouldn't otherwise be able to find as I don't have a lot of experienced/mom friends yet.

As others have noted in their reviews, it was mind-boggling to read that a mom touted the fact that she sent her gay child to BYU for test prep knowing it was not the best fit/environment for the child. Perhaps this was a good wakeup call to parents/hopeful parents to not take everyone's advice... however, I would have preferred the anecdote not be in there at all, or for it to be more fleshed out.

All in all, I would recommend this book for the first time parents who are in need/looking for creative solutions for any occasion. It's also a great reminder that there is NO one-size-fits all when it comes to kids and parenting as there are numerous anecdotes for every "problem" or "road block" that you may happen upon!

[Tiffany · Rating 3 out of 5]

Overall, there were a lot of cute/weird/entertaining “parenting wins” but sprinkled among those were a few stories that should have been omitted because the parents “won” by neglecting their kids or being jerks. The worst example of neglect was the parent who would let her 14-month-old toddler wander around her room unsupervised so she could sleep late (and she thought it was no big deal that her baby played with her sex toys while she slept). Another disturbing one was the mom who decided her teens ate too much so she divided the food budget and made them buy and cook their own meals. In the jerk category, a standout example is the parent who had her infant defecate in public sinks.

Hillary’s introductory pieces in each chapter were well-written and probably the best part of the book. Her candid discussion about her physical difficulties having sex after giving birth is the type of story more women need to hear because that part of postpartum recovery is rarely discussed openly.

[Julia · Rating 3 out of 5]

A fun collection of “this worked for me” parenting hacks from infancy to teens, this is a light fun read that will hopefully give parents a few ideas and a lot of reassurance that they’re okay doing the best they can, just like everyone else. Lots are funny.

It’s not really a parenting book, given that it’s just collected anecdotes rather than a formal guide. Read it for fun, read it for a laugh, give it as a funny gift, etc.

I will say that the full cast audiobook was SO WEIRD because Hilary read her parts and headings, so I felt like I was listening to her podcast, except that the editing was clearly done by a book person, which made it not as engaging. Meanwhile, all the other tips were read by a small selection of notable audiobook narrators, which was AWFUL because I couldn’t divorce their voices from some of my favorite books they’ve read. Honestly, would NOT recommend on audiobook.

[Kevin Haar · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is an often funny, entertaining, and enlightening collection of parenting "wins." The book is a list of hundreds of small anecdotes from people around the world about how they've managed to get there kid to do something they needed to do. I knew I'd like this book when I came across a chapter titles How to Get Your Kid to Act like an Actual Person. Of course, with so many anecdotes, some I found to be ingenious solutions for common problems and others I found to be very situation or culturally specific. Still, it is inspiring to read so many "wins" from parents and I have definitely implemented some ideas and kept some in my back pocket. The collection ranges from very sad to very funny, but it also recounts some things that seem very prejudiced or insensitive. Some of those come through from the author. I have chosen to overlook some of that and utilize the parenting advice that I did find helpful.

[Jessamyn Rock · Rating 3 out of 5]

I heard the author interviewed on NOR’s Fresh Air some months back. She talked about her podcast and her book. The interview was interesting, so much so that I wrote down the book to find at the library. She talked about her birthing experience and postpartum care. She also talked about just how hard and awkward parenting can be.
I think I liked the interview about the book more than the book. The book was ok. It is a compilation of parenting tricks (or wins) submitted by people with essays from the author included to give the theme of each chapter and the subsequent “wins”. It get like a big book of humble brags. I see nothing wrong with humble brags — celebrate yourself! I guess, I didn’t learn much from them. I got a few things from it that I hope I can carry with me as my children grow up. Overall, it was just ok.

[Megan · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book takes a list of common quandaries for parenting young children (how to get them to take a bath, how to get them to eat food, how to deal with your own frustration) and then surveys a number of ideas submit by real parents. What I like about it is that it felt unfiltered— too few parents I know would engage in this degree of honesty face to face. The tip on brushing birds’ nests out of a toddler’s mouth worked beautifully on my own dental hygiene resistant child. There was a bit of info on ages 8-17, but only a couple of chapters. It’d be great to see a second book for older age ranges.

[Teresa Bowman · Rating 2 out of 5]

So disappointed in this book. I loved Hillary’s podcast but this was really half-assed and poorly edited. Hillary’s chapter introductions are great and I found myself wishing more of the book was her voice and her writing. The anecdotes from parents felt disconnected and random and some of them were horrifying moments of parenting (not funny, just outright lying or manipulating kids which doesn’t fit in line with the podcast). It felt like she didn’t get enough quality submissions from parents and so just included every note parents sent in even if it wasn’t funny or helpful. Her own writing is so great, I wish she had incorporated her own story and voice into the book more.

[Michelle Boehm · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was a faithful listener of The Longest Shortest Time, so I knew what I was getting into when I read this book - short anecdotes gathered from listeners of the show. I loved Hillary's introductions to each section and honestly think she should do more writing! The anecdotes are cute, some funny, others touching, many not particularly applicable, but you have that with all parenting books. My only gripe is the inclusion of the Mormon mother who bribed her gay child to attend a sleep-away camp at BYU, where she KNEW he'd be picked on so she could save money on tutoring. That's cruel and decidedly not a parenting win.

[Krista · Rating 5 out of 5]

DISCLAIMER: DO NOT LISTEN TO THIS AUDIOBOOK WITH YOUNG KIDS IN THE CAR! Sometimes my 4-year-old agrees to let me listen to an audiobook instead of her music while she’s playing with a toy in her car seat. There was a section of this book playing that openly discussed the truth about the Tooth Fairy. Thankfully my daughter didn’t seem to hear it, but boy did I stop listening fast.

Other than that, I thought this was great. I took lots of notes for examples that I thought could work for our family. I really do think that examples in parenting books help me the most at this point, and this book is filled almost exclusively with examples.