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Real: The Surprising Secret to Deeper Relationships
Every woman longs for authentic friendships with othersbut in a world of carefully-curated social media, most of us are merely keeping up appearances. Both online and offline, we're all prone to only presenting the best side of ourselves.
This book shows us that the secret to growing the relationships we crave is in developing a biblical habit of repentance. By being honest about our sin before God and receiving his forgiveness, we're freed be honest about our sin with others. When we drop the act and allow ourselves to be vulnerable by sharing our struggles, not only are we strengthened in our fight against sin, but we experience authentic fellowship and real friendship.
Catherine Parks empowers women to fight side by side against their sin, and shows how by getting real about our struggles, we can create genuine community in an ""I'm fine"" culture.
This book is great for reading with your book group, women's group, accountability partner, or one-to-one mentordiscussion questions are included for every chapter.
This book shows us that the secret to growing the relationships we crave is in developing a biblical habit of repentance. By being honest about our sin before God and receiving his forgiveness, we're freed be honest about our sin with others. When we drop the act and allow ourselves to be vulnerable by sharing our struggles, not only are we strengthened in our fight against sin, but we experience authentic fellowship and real friendship.
Catherine Parks empowers women to fight side by side against their sin, and shows how by getting real about our struggles, we can create genuine community in an ""I'm fine"" culture.
This book is great for reading with your book group, women's group, accountability partner, or one-to-one mentordiscussion questions are included for every chapter.
128 pages, Paperback
First published October 1, 2018
13 people are currently reading
239 people want to read
About the author
Catherine Parks
12 books6 followersCatherine Parks loves to help women build friendships around Scripture. She lives in Nashville with her husband, two children, and a cute mutt named Ollie.
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Displaying 1 - 18 of 18 reviews
July 15, 2023
It says "surprising" but this felt slightly "generic" in what it talked about. Confessing sin, rejoicing on God, reading the bible, going to church, being honest.
But still 4 stars as helpful reminders and good illustrations and easy to read.
Quotes / things to remember
"We sin because we do not rejoice"
The "things above" (what we rejoice in) is not salad! (Something we should "force" ourselves to love)
But still 4 stars as helpful reminders and good illustrations and easy to read.
Quotes / things to remember
"We sin because we do not rejoice"
The "things above" (what we rejoice in) is not salad! (Something we should "force" ourselves to love)
May 19, 2019
A few thoughts now that my book club from church has met and discussed this book.
I liked so much of what the author had to say in this book. So much of it resonated and convicted me. However, the extroverts in our group did not connect with the author at all and could not relate to her, which was really fascinating to me. Her premise that hiding how you really are keeps you isolated may be just be how we introverts work.
While she offers a lot of wisdom, the author makes it sound like sharing your sin and struggles with others is a guarantee for deeper relationships. We all agreed that this isn’t always the case. It depends on many things, including who you open up to and where God has you at that time. So being vulnerable is essential for deep relationships but being vulnerable does not always lead to deeper relationships. A few in our group didn’t love that she drops the theme of deep relationships for a good portion of the book and only comes back to it at the end. I noticed it but found a lot of value in what she said in those chapters.
As an introvert, I thought she had a lot of insightful things to say. If you’re an extrovert, maybe this book isn’t for you.
I liked so much of what the author had to say in this book. So much of it resonated and convicted me. However, the extroverts in our group did not connect with the author at all and could not relate to her, which was really fascinating to me. Her premise that hiding how you really are keeps you isolated may be just be how we introverts work.
While she offers a lot of wisdom, the author makes it sound like sharing your sin and struggles with others is a guarantee for deeper relationships. We all agreed that this isn’t always the case. It depends on many things, including who you open up to and where God has you at that time. So being vulnerable is essential for deep relationships but being vulnerable does not always lead to deeper relationships. A few in our group didn’t love that she drops the theme of deep relationships for a good portion of the book and only comes back to it at the end. I noticed it but found a lot of value in what she said in those chapters.
As an introvert, I thought she had a lot of insightful things to say. If you’re an extrovert, maybe this book isn’t for you.
January 3, 2019
Catherine Parks is kind to help her readers find a way to be honest: first, with themselves and later, with their community. This is an excellent companion read for anyone who has enjoyed Brene Brown's words on vulnerability--Brown uncovers the painful power of vulnerability, but Parks adds the gentle beauty of forgiveness and continual confession before a community that is committed to fighting sin together. (Full Review coming later @Servants of Grace!)
May 26, 2019
I think I would have liked this better under a different title; as a book on confession, it would be excellent. She has some really specific, practical steps that are helpful. But I kept expecting her to address more about the deepening relationships aspect than she did, and I wish she’d explored that a bit more.
I definitely understood what she meant by hiding; I think my natural tendencies that way have been a little counteracted by the fact that I’ve been blessed to be part of communities that feel more deep than surfacey, and have seen leadership that’s vulnerable rather than trying to look put together. These things have been a huge blessing but I know they’re not necessarily the norm.
I definitely understood what she meant by hiding; I think my natural tendencies that way have been a little counteracted by the fact that I’ve been blessed to be part of communities that feel more deep than surfacey, and have seen leadership that’s vulnerable rather than trying to look put together. These things have been a huge blessing but I know they’re not necessarily the norm.
May 18, 2019
Efficient and beautifully crafted, Catherine Parks connects the dots between identity, sin, repentance, joy, relationships, the church and the Gospel. I breathed out a contented and relieved sigh at the end when she wrote, “And one day, you and I will experience true joy in the presence of our Father, unburdened by sin, surrounded by friends, and finally real.”
Thank you Catherine for writing such a beautiful book on the essentials of relationship.
Thank you Catherine for writing such a beautiful book on the essentials of relationship.
December 23, 2024
Really rated this. Some great stuff. Nothing new - just gets you into God's word and thinking through the hows and whys of deep friendship. Lands with an argument that deeper relationship is not an end in itself, but a means to deeper sanctification.
Found her handling of 1 John particularly helpful in explaining how repentance brings fellowship with God AND others.
God does such beautiful things through our relationships with others.
Found her handling of 1 John particularly helpful in explaining how repentance brings fellowship with God AND others.
God does such beautiful things through our relationships with others.
February 15, 2020
Great "real" approach to repenting and confessing.
First chapters laid out importance of correct view of sin and how God gave examples in the Word of using it to build friendships. Last two chapter had application that was helpful.
Recommend for discipleship groups.
First chapters laid out importance of correct view of sin and how God gave examples in the Word of using it to build friendships. Last two chapter had application that was helpful.
Recommend for discipleship groups.
September 15, 2019
“We can’t ignore the fact that our sin - whether we view it as big or small, shame-inducing or shruggable - can deeply affect our relationships with the people we love most.”
I really enjoyed how Catherine Parks emphasizes repentance in relationships, especially because our sense of authenticity and realness have become an actual facade through social media and feeling like we have to “have it all together.”
I wish she would have gone more in depth with topics she addresses such as the effect of social media on relationships, how diversity can be good in friendships through the cross, and what we can do, say, and act out to further deepen relationships (hospitality, small groups, etc). These were all mentioned, but I wish she would have spent more time on this instead of going extremely in depth on repentance (which isn’t bad, but it is a book about both repentance and relationships). But overall, wanting more from an author isn’t bad in my opinion.
I really enjoyed how Catherine Parks emphasizes repentance in relationships, especially because our sense of authenticity and realness have become an actual facade through social media and feeling like we have to “have it all together.”
I wish she would have gone more in depth with topics she addresses such as the effect of social media on relationships, how diversity can be good in friendships through the cross, and what we can do, say, and act out to further deepen relationships (hospitality, small groups, etc). These were all mentioned, but I wish she would have spent more time on this instead of going extremely in depth on repentance (which isn’t bad, but it is a book about both repentance and relationships). But overall, wanting more from an author isn’t bad in my opinion.
December 22, 2022
Some decent insights and helpful advice, but overall quite scattered. Would have been far better if the middle chapters (on sin and confession) had been more integrated with the premise/hook (friendship/deeper relationships). As it was, it felt like a bit of a bait and switch (even though all the material was relevant and true!). This could also have made a good long-form article with a bit of condensing, and might have held together better.
April 12, 2020
This was an excellent book. Definitely gave me a lot to think about.
December 11, 2018
This beautiful, well-written book packs a real punch in its few pages. If you're struggling to build deep relationships, Catherine Parks suggests, the solution could well be repentance. What is holding us back from being real with one another, she argues, is not that we’re not yet perfect, but that we’re not yet assured of our forgiveness.
If we truly grasped the depths of our sin, and if we took that sin to God and repented of it, and if we believed and accepted his forgiveness, the freedom we would experience would be so great that we would no longer have to hide behind our façade of perfection.
Containing incredibly helpful advice, too, like how to gently confront others with their sin, how to repent well (learning from David in Psalm 51) and what not to say when someone confesses their sin to you, this book is both inspiring and practical.
I highly recommend it for anyone struggling to build deep relationships, or anyone involved in any kind of pastoral relationships, mentoring or just friendships with other believers. A gem of a book.
If we truly grasped the depths of our sin, and if we took that sin to God and repented of it, and if we believed and accepted his forgiveness, the freedom we would experience would be so great that we would no longer have to hide behind our façade of perfection.
Containing incredibly helpful advice, too, like how to gently confront others with their sin, how to repent well (learning from David in Psalm 51) and what not to say when someone confesses their sin to you, this book is both inspiring and practical.
I highly recommend it for anyone struggling to build deep relationships, or anyone involved in any kind of pastoral relationships, mentoring or just friendships with other believers. A gem of a book.
January 4, 2023
A great book, a must read that I would recommend! Stop pretending, start being real about your sin before God firstly and then with others in your life. So simple really but so hard as we always want to carefully curate people's perceptions of us. It is a refreshing book which unlike mainstream western culture it doesn't say 'just embrace all your imperfections and if others can't deal with it then that's their problem' but helps us face the reality of our own sin and selfishness so we can grow to be more like Christ and genuinely love God and others. This means we can admit we're wrong quicker, forgive others quicker, be kinder in lovingly warning others about their sin and just doing life more honestly together without worrying about pretending to be something we are not. Wow - such a breath of fresh air, which is instantly taking effect in our book group participants.
Great to do in a group together - it worked so well for us. The book has great questions at the end of each chapter to discuss.
Great to do in a group together - it worked so well for us. The book has great questions at the end of each chapter to discuss.
March 18, 2020
"God calls us to be a community of honesty and grace. We know other people don't have the power to forgive our sins against God - that role is his alone. But what another believer can do is remind us of the forgiveness we receive in Christ. When we confess to another Christ-follower, and when that person prays for us, it's as if Christ is reaching through that person to extend fresh grace and mercy to us".
May 21, 2023
I benefited so much from reading this book! I hadn't realised how much I needed to look at friendships from the angle of my repentance repent to God. Recognising and repenting our sin allows us to be in real relationship with God; experiencing his great grace gives us the freedom to be in real relationships with others.
December 31, 2024
Not quite what i expected but good all the same. I thought this book would have been more focused on friendship but it was more about how learning to confess our sin - to God and then to one another - is the secret to real relationships. It was helpful and she has some good analogies on how we deal with sin in our lives.
January 1, 2019
Geared towards women, but certainly applicable to men and women. Gospel-centered, encouragement towards keeping it real, confession, grace, and the importance of relationships in our spiritual growth.
July 14, 2019
I liked this book. It helped understand confession of sin in real terms. Getting relationships with others right first requires getting our relationship with God right. If we're going to say "I'm sorry" to a person, we need to first confess that sin to God.
April 9, 2020
It was fairly good.
Displaying 1 - 18 of 18 reviews