Being Emily Anniversary Edition

by Rachel Gold

They say that whoever you are it’s okay, you were born that way. Those words don’t comfort Emily, because she was born Christopher and her insides know that her outsides are all wrong.
They say that it gets better, be who you are and it’ll be fine. For Emily, telling her parents who she really is means a therapist who insists Christopher is normal and Emily is sick. Telling her girlfriend means lectures about how God doesn’t make that kind of mistake.
Emily desperately wants high school in her small Minnesota town to get better. She wants to be the woman she knows is inside, but it’s not until a substitute therapist and a girl named Natalie come into her life that she believes she has a chance of actually Being Emily.
A story for anyone who has ever felt that the inside and outside don’t match and no one else will understand…
In this new, expanded version you will find:
- Updated language
- Expanded and additional scenes
- A new note from the author
- A new introduction
- Emily & Claire ten years later
- The groundbreaking classic updated for our generation!

Genre: LGBT Young Adult
Editor: Katherine V. Forrest
Cover Designer: Kristin Smith

Genres: Young Adult, LGBT, Transgender, Fiction, Queer, Contemporary, Romance

298 pages, ebook

First published June 19, 2012

About the author

Rachel Gold has spent seven years as a reporter, ten years in marketing, and holds a Master of Fine Arts in Writing degree. She worked as the senior reporter for a weekly newspaper with a readership of up to 100,000. She also served as a PR manager for an international technology company whose reach extended to Europe, Asia, and Australia. She has appeared at the Minnesota Library Association Round Table speaking on young adult literature and lives in the Twin Cities area of Minnesota.

Reviews

[Lex Kent · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a review for the new expanded and updated 2018 Anniversary edition. I did not get to read this the first time around, so I’m not sure of all the differences. I do know Gold was able to change some language and some scenes she wasn’t happy with. Also, in the end the book flashes 10 years in the future. I’m pretty sure this is all new content as there were characters from some of Gold’s newer books like Nico and Tucker that made a cameo. It was a cute ending that I think fans of the original book will enjoy.

This was a very well written, emotional read. I think this is the kind of book that members or friends of the LGBTQ community should try to read. There is a reason why the original book won awards. While I have read books with transgender characters before, this is the first I have read about someone before transitioning that is from their POV. I think that is what made a big difference. It was much more meaningful and definitely affected me emotionally multiple times. I went through quite a few tissues and had trouble breathing since my nose was so stuffed-up half the book.

Luckily, this book is not all sad and emotional. It has plenty of hope and filled with people who truly care. For as many awful people, there is someone kind to counteract them. It was a good balance that felt realistic and made the read enjoyable instead of just emotional.

This book is actually read in colleges. I think back to my Gender Studies class and I had the kind of teacher who would have had us read this. But we didn’t have these kinds of books back in 2002. I’m glad that this YA book is now out there for kids who don’t feel right in their bodies. If I knew someone who could relate to this, I would pass this book on to them in a heartbeat. This was a really good read that I would recommend to everyone.

An ARC was given to me by Bella, for a honest review.

[Pin · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am not the target audience for young adult novels but am glad I got an opportunity to read this expanded and updated anniversary edition of Being Emily by Rachel Gold. I did not read the first edition published in June 2012, so I can not tell to what extent they differ. What I can tell is that this edition is a well-written and interesting story full of diversity. The main character is trans girl Emily (born as Christopher), along with bisexual goth girl Claire, who comes with her own brand of Christianity. They are young, different and, each in their own way, truly brave and very likable. It is deeply satisfying that they ended up together despite all the challenges they faced individually and as a young unconventional couple. In addition to them comes a nice bunch of various characters, all with depth and meaning. They are more than just tools for making the story of Emily's mind vs. body struggle convincing. The ending of this edition (Emily & Claire ten years later) is strong, sweet and satisfying. There are a lot of interesting and well-researched facts about trans people and transitioning nicely incorporated into the story. The author succeeded in writing a very good and interesting story at the same time celebrating diversity and creating empathy without being overbearing or preachy.

May 16, 2018
*A review copy of this book was provided by the publisher.*

[Nora · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book rocked my world! At one point when I was reading it, I started tearing up. (On the commuter train. Embarrassing.) Full review to come.

OK, here's the full review I promised. I was ready to like this book before I even opened it, because (as far as I know) it is the first YA novel set in our ordinary, regular universe with a trans girl main character. For the same reason, I was apprehensive about it. But BEING EMILY was so much more than I even hoped for. It was beautifully written (in terms of pacing, character development, and everything else I can think of.) Every single character in this book had depth. Here's a novel that goes deep, while being so engaging that I scarcely noticed what a thought-provoking experience I was having. The main character Emily is extremely likable. When the book opens, everyone knows her as Chris, a regular dude on the swim team who's into gaming. She wants to tell her girlfriend that inside she is really a girl, but she's afraid. One of the entertaining things that Emily does is run lines of code in her head that tell her how to act like a typical boy so she can playact through life (like "/run: greet teammate, 1. Speak "Hey man, how's it going?"). Emily's whole life is phony, and the only time she gets to be her real self is for a few hours before dawn, when she wakes up early so she can put on some girl clothes and go online to a transgender website.

Some of the chapters are told from her girlfriend Claire's perspective. At first I was worried that the purpose of these chapters was an info-dump on transgender facts that she was learning, but it wasn't like that at all. Claire is also a very complex, interesting, and likeable character. She is a strong-willed goth girl, and her secret life is that she's also a religious Christian. But she uses her religion to be more understanding towards other people, and never tries to tell anyone what to believe. I've never met anyone like that in real life so it doesn't sound that realistic, but in the book it really worked for me and was very believable. Her storyline was much more than just, "Will Claire accept and support Emily?"

SPOILERS AHEAD!


Emily does not get beaten up in this book! I was so worried about an obligatory "trans girl gets jumped" scene that seems to be de rigeur in this genre. (And I get why that is, but it's too depressing for me.) Anyway, it never happened. Yay! The only person who gets attacked is a homophobic/transphobic loudmouth at school who Claire hits on the head with a textbook. Emily remembers a time when she was little and her father whipped her, and there's one self-harm incident, but they weren't too scary.

The part that made me get all sniffly on the train was about halfway through, when Emily has her first session with a new therapist, who worms it out of her that she is transgender, and then asks, "Do you have a name you call yourself?" Seeing this character who's been so guarded and despairing get a chance to open up was really touching.

The more Emily got to live as her real self, the happier she was. I thought that the way her parents reacted—not supportive and not accepting, yet ultimately giving their kid what she needed—was really well-done. This book also had an epilogue that told you where Emily was at three years later, which I liked. It seemed realistic that her full transition took years, which is longer than a single YA novel can easily encompass. I was so not surprised to see that Emily and Claire did not stay together for all eternity. They were very close and cared about each other a lot, but it never seemed like Emily felt that much passion for Claire, because there was too much other stuff going on in her life. I definitely learned some new things from this book, like about facial surgery and how long it takes hormones to work, and I really appreciated Claire's musings about the topic of makeup because it clarified some things I've never understood. It also made me consider deeply what does it even mean to "think like a girl," and what makes people think like a girl (training, hormones and biology, being treated like a girl, or just the feeling that you are a girl?)

I guess no review would be complete without a word of criticism, so here it is. Although I was in love with this book, and the author deftly avoided a million pitfalls, there was one brief part that I did not like. Claire is thinking about all the different kinds of people she saw at the mall, including "a woman in a wheelchair whose legs didn't work at all." (How did Claire know they didn't work at all? She didn't, she just made that up in her mind.) Then Claire thinks how grateful she is that she gets to date someone who is not disabled. This really got up my nose. It seemed like kind of a wiener slap—this thoughtful character basically says, "Being transgender is totally cool, but being disabled is a repellent tragedy." It's not that I think YA novels should be "PC" screeds, but because of its groundbreaking nature, this novel is serving an educational function. And basically I want everyone who reads a novel about transgender characters to go away feeling included and better about themselves, not alienated and worse.

Also, there was another little part where Emily visits her friend Natalie, who has already transitioned. (Natalie is a cool character, too.) They go to Natalie's monthly transgender support group, and Natalie warns Emily that the group is a little weird and one of the people is off-balance. Now, it does seem realistic to me that Natalie does not love everyone in the group and that there would be a crackpot. But this just made me incredibly nervous during the whole support group scene, wondering who were the weirdos and what was the not-OK way to be transgender. I wish we hadn't gone down that road. But, having said that, I have noticed it's hard to please everyone with a YA book about transgender themes, and I think that's because there are so few of them. There's such a huge need, and only a few books so far to fill that need. Readers get such high hopes, and high hopes always mean some disappointment. If there were a million books like this one, I wouldn't get so worked up. I'd just be like, "Whatever, I thought this issue was handled better in the one about the trans girl with spina bifada who solves crimes in space."

In conclusion, BEING EMILY was an awesome book. The cover is cool and it's all-around an attractive book. Bella Books seriously pulled off a coup in publishing it; way to go them. I could be wrong, but I think the only other YA that Bella Books publishes are a couple reprints. Little, Brown should be crying in their Wheaties that they failed to acquire this. I feel ready, willing, and able to read anything else that Rachel Gold ever writes.

PS. This book is totally clean and PG-13. It acknowledges that some teenagers have sex, but the main characters don't. Unlike this review, the book doesn't use the word wiener, or any words of that kind. I think progressive librarians and parents could feel happy about 12-year olds reading this book.

[Mk · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book can't decide if it's for trans teens or those who know them. The lack of a clear audience just makes it triggery if you are trans - lots of use of the wrong pronouns and name, the word freak from allies, the idea that being trans is an unfortunate circumstance that needs to be overcome, etc. In places, it relies heavily on scripture and medical jargon to justify being trans as acceptable. As a librarian, I wouldn't give this book to trans teens unless asked for it, and would hesitate to give it to their friends. Give people Nevada by Imogen Binnie instead. It's not specifically a young adult book, but can be a good crossover until there's finally fiction about trans teens actually written by, you know, trans people themselves.

[Jenny · Rating 5 out of 5]

I started /Being Emily/ this morning and had finished it by late afternoon; despite having other things I had to do today, I just couldn't put the book down. As a T-girl, I am always excited when I learn of a new book with a main character like me that is sensitively written (there aren't that many of them), but this book was so much more. It takes place where I grew up and shares so many similar feelings and experiences that it was brilliant to read. It was also heartwrenching to read and the reality of the scenes and emotions were at times very triggering, which is something readers should be aware of. But more than anything this novel offered hope and that is something we could all use a little more of.

[Fia · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.7 which means I round it to 4 stars.

The synopsis on GR is kind of misleading. When it comes to Emily's girlfriend Claire, at least. When I read in the synopsis 'Telling her girlfriend means lectures about how God doesn’t make that kind of mistake.' I fully expected her to be a bitch.

But actually, besides Emily (or Chris before) she was the most intriguing character. As a bi-curious girl, she loves her boyfriend the way he is. Masculine. So when Chris comes out to her as trans, she freaks out a little. But as someone who didn't really know a thing about trans people, you couldn't really blame her. She was just a girl who was trying to understand that her boyfriend was now her girlfriend. And as you read the book, you get to know Claire and you can see her as she struggles with everything and how accepting she becomes. It's a beautiful development of her character.

Emily, our main character is a girl who struggles in a body she hates. She wants to be a woman and she wants to be accepted. She's still in high school, her parents aren't really open-minded and she's depressed. Well, I would be depressed too.

But she's brave enough to do something with her life. She comes out to her girlfriend, finds a new trans friend, visits online support group, visits a therapist and eventually comes out to her parents. How that goes, you'll have to read.

I was envy of Emily's bravery. I rooted for her, I wanted her to live the life she deserves and I was down when she was down.

Perhaps I'd like to read more about her parents, especially about her Mom. She really intrigued me. Why was she the way she was? What was she really thinking the whole time? Didn't she at least suspect something before? She must have. What changed her mind?

The story ends quite abrubtly but thankfully we've been given an epilogue, which takes place three years later. Still I wanted to know more about Emily's life after years. The couple of pages weren't enough for me.

[Kelly · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book in less than 24 hours--I was so engaged in the story plot and the concept. This is a great book for ANYONE --not just YA or the LGBT society. The book really gives one a sense of being who you are. I challenge anyone to read this and not feel the depth of the characters and their struggles.
I hope this book becomes a staple for any teen to read to encourage a sense of self-worth and for any adult to appreciate their own journey of self-admiration.

[Nina · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the first book about a transgender character I have read, and I am glad that it was this one, as Rachel Gold has a gentle and sensitive way of dealing with the topic. Plot and style of writing got me hooked immediately and I enjoyed how she created deep characters. This applies to the main character, Emily, and her girlfriend Claire, but I also thought that other characters had believable motivations for being the way they are, and that there was always more behind them than we actually see.

Being Emily shows so much about the difficulties and obstacles transgender girls face. Emily, goes through quite a lot. She has to find a way of coming out to her girlfriend, tries to find ways to get closer to transitioning, but all this against a sometimes rather hostile environment where even close family is prejudiced, not helping, and instead denies Emily having an identity that is different from her physical appearance. I liked that she did not leave the impression of being confused about herself. She i s a girl, and the only confusion she has to endure is created by a psychologist who is not listening to her at all. Instead he tries to persuade Emily out of her female identity. So, basically Emily is fighting for something most of us do not even have to think about, namely her right to be who she is. Rachel Gold describes that in a touching and moving way.
Being Emily is meant to be for young adult readers, although I’d recommend it to almost any group of readers above the age of 15. It is a wonderful book that creates hope. 5 out of 5 stars.

[Carleen · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the things I really love about attending the GCLS Conference each year is that I get the opportunity to meet new authors and get exposed to new reading opportunities. This year was no different. I got to meet Rachel Gold this year in Minneapolis. Additionally, I was able to attend two sessions that Gold was involved in – Author Readings and “So I had this idea…” Both were fun and informative – we got to hear Gold read some sections from her novel, Being Emily (Bella Books), and we got to hear her talk about where the idea to write this book came from. Fascinating stuff.

The novel tells a “year-in-the-life” story about Emily, who was born Christopher. It happens to be one of the most crucial years of Emily’s life – it’s the year that a lifetime of pretending to be Christopher reaches a turning point. We get to follow our hero/heroine through the year and tag along when the truth is finally out – it’s time to put Christopher aside, and finally start being Emily.

I admit to a bit of trepidation as I began reading this book. It’s the “T” in LGBT that has always been the most elusive for me – I’d never been exposed to it. No, that’s not true. Back in the 90′s, I hired a recruiter who was a former employee…the first time he was employed with the company, he went by “Sarah”. Other than needing that bit of information to pull up his old records to determine rehire eligibility, this news did not have a substantial impact on my life. He was a good employee and a good human being – that’s what mattered. The rest was really none of my business.

Perhaps that is an overly simplistic way of looking at things. But, there it is.

What I truly appreciated about Gold’s novel is how she used point of view. For all intents and purposes, this was told completely from Emily’s point of view. Not Christopher’s. It was clear from the first two paragraphs that the “true self” of the storyteller was dominant. And it was right at that point – so early in the book – that I knew Emily had won.

Well, wouldn’t that sort of spoil the book? I mean, since I kind of know right then that “being Emily” was actually a full reality, do I need to bother to read it? Yes. It didn’t spoil the book for me at all. Instead, it made it about the journey. It’s that journey that is so very important.

I appreciated that we got some of the story from the view point of Claire, the girlfriend who stands by Emily through that very rough year. What was very interesting is that Claire’s part of the story was told in 3rd person point of view. (Emily’s story is in 1st person.) This keeps the focus where it needs to be – on Emily. But we still get those glimpses of someone close to and supportive of Emily navigating her own way through the situation and circumstances. She struggles to understand what Emily is going through.

What I really love is Gold’s use of Claire as a religious sounding board. And she does so in a way that religion – Christianity, in particular, it seems – is not lambasted. Claire represents what the majority of Christians in this world are actually like – people doing their best to follow the example of Christ. It’s simple: we try to love each other as Christ loves us. It would have been so easy to dump all Christians into the barrel labeled “Right-Wing, Extremist, Religious Nut-Case” and be done with it – people would buy it. Gold took the harder route – and, ultimately, the more accurate route. (That degree in English and Religious Studies served her well.) As a Christian – a Catholic, at that – I was waiting for something to come along that would offend me. It never happened. I was able to find a bit of myself in Claire. For that, I give my thanks.

The back of the book lists Being Emily as “Fiction: LGBT/Young Adult.” I agree that this is a fantastic YA novel – for the Emilys of the world and for the Claires of the world. But, more than that, it’s a book for parents. It’s a book for teachers. It’s a book for peers. It’s a tool for teaching or it’s a tool for self discovery. Gold navigates the intricacies of gender theory with skill. More importantly, she is able to share those intricacies in such a way that the young adult – or the gender theory novice – doesn’t feel even more confused. At the same time, Gold doesn’t talk down to those well-versed in the works of Kate Bornstein or Judith Butler. Well played.

If you’re like me – someone who has never really understood the “T” – this might just be a very good place to start. Don’t get me wrong, I am not – in any way, shape or form – suddenly an expert on the “T” now. Oh no. There is still a lot that is a mystery to me, will always be a mystery to me. But, now I have an “in”; I have a small way of learning about Emily and others like Emily – what they think, what they feel, what they dream. It’s a starting point.

It’s a broadening of my horizons. That’s always a good thing.

[Kay read by Gloria · Rating 5 out of 5]

Being Emily by Rachel Gold was published in 2012. There is also an expanded and updated 2018 Anniversary edition with 264 pages.
This book leans toward young-adult but is excellent for anyone to read. It is the story of Emily (she knows fully who she is) and this is the arduous journey to complete and correct her life. Emily is so deep she leaped off the pages and engulfed me. I wanted to nurture and care for her even though there is nothing I could do. 'Being Emily' is about her struggles that most of us don’t even know exist. Emily is perseverant. She and her girlfriend Claire face the world as it is, fully understanding how the world treats and feels about them. They are very real and powerfully written. I love them both. I love their attitudes. I love they have each other. This is an excellent read. It is probably 4 stars but I will give it 5 just because. I read it twice in a row because I needed to feel Emily in my life again and support her. She is an awesome girl.

[Alemona · Rating 5 out of 5]

I had a real lack of knowledge about transexualism but this book helped me to learn more about it.
Also the story is really good and very well written. The main character is very smart and it's really enjoyable to see her fight to be herself in a world where differences are not welcome.

[John Hennessy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Finally. A book that treats the issue of transgenderism with sensitivity and the 'reality-check' it deserves. It doesn't pull its punches, neither does it go over the top with details about sexual reassignment surgery.

Chris / Emily is a wonderfully normal character. What I mean by that is, there's no mystery in my view when she says 'I am a woman'...because her eyes, she always has been female.

Imagine one day you support Manchester United, but as you grow into your teens, you are told that there is in fact only one possible football team for you, and it's some team in the Blue Square North Premiership.

No-one seems to believe that Chris is capable of making this journey from the 'male' everyone sees to the 'female' he only ever sees.

Through his best friend Claire, the amazing (t) girl Natalie, plus Dr Mendel...the way is made far easier. But Chris' parents are far from understanding, and whilst I appreciate that - there is no way my children would be forced into column A or B. Their life, their choice.

No-one should be under any illusion that Chris' life choices are the easy ones. They are not. So often the book talks of 'the fight' to be had regarding make-up, or certain clothes. The fight to prove to the rather sleazy Dr Webber that wearing women's clothes or wanting to be a woman, when you are genetically / physically male, that it is not about fetishism, or masturbation.

It is just simply, the right to 'be', and hasn't every single individual on this Earth the right to 'be'?

There's a major Christian angle to this, with Claire researching lines in the Bible to help Chris. And it is not about the line in Dueteronomy, which is refreshing. Because most, if not all transgdendered people who went to a Catholic school would have had that rammed down their throat at some point. The same Bible that says 'if a man hits you on the cheek, offer him the other side, and your coat too' (while you're at it).

It is God's design - man, woman, cat, dog, transexual, aardvark! It is our choice what we want to 'be'. I cite the choice of football club you can support - the groupies say 'support your local club otherwise you are scum' - they never think that you could actually choose for yourself.

Who wants to follow the sheep? Chris doesn't. He just doesn't fit in with the typical boy stuff because he identifies - very strongly, as a girl.

This Book does not judge Chris or criticise him for his choices. What it manages to do, I think, is create a world where fights are to be had at every stage, but Chris faces them nonetheless.

Being Emily is an astonishingly easy to read but extremely compelling. I wanted to know what would happen, even though I guessed. It's not easy to accept who you are, but being told who you are, who you are supposed to be, and what you are supposed to do, is not fair. If this life is but one go around, we have to make the right choices for ourselves.

Even if you are not interested in the subject matter...you would enjoy this book. It's not so much about Chris becoming a woman, because he is. It's more about fitting in to the world around him, and making it work, no matter what. From my list of species above, you can bet that the aardvark will do exactly the same.

Bravo to Rachel Gold. Five easy stars.

[Cy · Rating 4 out of 5]

A really short, sweet, and incredibly tender book. My own personal connection with the main character helped me to overlook the book's flaws, but my inner writer prevents me from giving it a full score.

The author gets preachy, especially when it comes to religion. There are long chapters where the story is told from the point of view of Emily's girlfriend, Claire, where she wrestles with the religious implications of being transgendered. It's an interesting take, yet I couldn't stop myself from skimming when she started recounting Bible passages.

In addition, there are lots of times when the author gets very info-heavy, dumping heavy statistics regarding transsexualism onto the reader. I feel as though that could have been handled in a way that was less like I was suddenly reading a "So Your Child is a Transsexual" pamphlet.

That said, I understand why these infodumps are there. This is not really a book written for a transgender audience, this is one written for someone who doesn't know anything about being trans and is essentially a lesson in it wrapped in the paper of a novel.

With that out of the way, I feel as though I can discuss what I felt is the novel's biggest flaw: it ends too abruptly. The biggest conflict of the novel's last third is once Chris/Emily comes out to her parents as being trans, she has a very hostile relationship with her mother. While we see some growth in how she relates to her father, the end result of that arc is two sentences in the Epilogue, which I found quite insulting. In addition, I would have loved to see more of Emily's journey through school: she is entering her last year of high school going on hormones and they can have a profound effect on one's body within that short time. All of this gets wrapped up in a two page epilogue that feels rather...like a let down.

Still, it's the first book I've read in less than 24-hours in a long time, which goes to say something about its quality.

[Lara Estes · Rating 5 out of 5]

Being Emily is a very well written and realistic story about the emotional challenges of being Transgender. Reached Gold has done an excellent job of taking the reader through the journey of a teenager who is fighting to become who he really is.

       It is also a story of coming out. It pretty accurately shows the reader what these individuals face. I found myself nodding my head all the way through the book and mentally saying yup. I empathize with Emily and remembered my own struggles, sound of which I really tried to forget. This book is not just for those who are taking this same journey as Emily. But is more so for those who are family, friends and professionals, even for others within the LGBTQ community. I hope more people will read this book and gain a better understanding of what we are going through.

[Hezekiah · Rating 5 out of 5]

I could not put this book down. The author researched for this book extremely well, and I felt like Emily and Claire had an immense amount of depth as characters. I really enjoyed that Claire's religion was a motivator for accepting Emily as a woman, too, because I think I've read only one other book where a strongly religious character believes that their religious teachings mean they should be supportive of LGBT people. Emily felt like such a real person to me while reading. I'm really glad this book exists.

[Bella · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book is insanely dated for being written in 2012. And with the references, it’s clear that the author was familiar with trans issues so I don’t understand why the book was so basic and full of old information. Lots of other pitfalls of a first novel (way too much description of mundane events, flat characters, abrupt ending). Not good as a novel, but also not impressive as a trans story.

[Audrey James · Rating 4 out of 5]

A wonderful and powerful look into the struggles of living inside a body that doesn’t feel like your own. It’s an important story especially now to represent the underrepresented in the LGBT+ community. Gold humanizes all the characters as you dive into what being Emily really means to the title character.

[Gene · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved the book, though I have several issues with it, it was still a great read. The synopsis is pretty formulaic, boy recognizes he's a girl as soon as he is aware of the difference, struggles with that concept his entire life until it becomes unbearable (and full maturity in his male body approaches), has developed coping strategies that enable him to deal with life which become increasingly difficult to maintain as he approaches physical maturity.

The book is set in 2008, roughly, but he has a 56k modem dialup connection? His girlfriend, Claire, has blazingly fast internet. Rachel updated the book in 2018 and some of the language, I never read the earlier edition but did read reviews of that so have a general idea of how it went. It ended with Claire and Emily/Chris losing each other while in college, but the new edition has a chapter ten years later in which they marry, I liked that a lot. Claire maintained throughout that she was bisexual as much to annoy her mother as anything, and her strong religious background I found unsettling, though useful in the way she used it to confront religious bigots. Her marrying Emily is a far more satisfying conclusion to this story which I'll talk more about later.

Chris/Emily is approaching physical maturity, she's always known she was a girl but has created a set of responses to allow her to cope in school and home without danger. She learned to hide her true identity as each time she tried to express it there were consequences, some severe, though she was not beaten up or called a "fag", except once by her little brother, she was always on the precipice of trouble. She has a girlfriend, Claire, who is her protector in many ways but is unaware of Emily's true nature, Claire is very Goth and religious (quite a contradiction), the asides from her perspective are interesting but irrelevant to me, though not to the story, as I don't hold those views, nor does Emily. Emily arises early in the mornings to dress as herself and do homework, research on gender issues, find an online support group and meet a trans girl (Nathalie) who has successfully transitioned - while I love that subplot, I found it a bit too cozy. I am a Minnesotan, lived about the same distance from the Cities as Emily and Chris growing up, so was familiar with the landmarks as one would be with John Sandford's early works. Perhaps the internet has changed things so much that what transpires between Emily/Claire and Nathalie (the trans girl) is now realistic but it was not so in my own youth, oil and water were more like it then, city kids and country kids did not mix.

Emily is noticeably depressed as her male body begins to mature. She and Claire are boyfriend/girlfriend (which serves to improve Claire's social standing - that's a twist you don't see in this kind of novel) and best friends too. Emily decides it is time she come out and decides Claire will be the first person she tells. Claire is a uniquely written character, I like her a lot, and after some mental gymnastics completely accepts Chris/Emily and becomes her protector, confidant, teacher and accomplice in what comes. Emily's depression causes her very religious mother to decide that she needs counseling and she sees one of the most close minded, ridiculous counselors (Dr. Webber) I've ever seen in print or in life. Predictably, that fails miserably, until by accident on a day when he is not in, she meets a female substitute (Dr. Mendel), who is fully aware of gender dysphoria and for the first time Emily can really open up to an adult about her full range of issues. That's a game changer for Emily in many ways.

Emily and Dr. Mendel develop a plan to come out to Emily's parents at the end of her junior year. In the interim, Emily and Claire travel to the Cities (yes, that's what the Minneapolis/St. Paul urban area is called by outstate residents, though the cities themselves and surrounding suburbs are very distinct in real life, to the rest of the state they are a monolith) to meet with Nathalie for tips, shopping, a support group, eventually meeting Nathalie's family and spending the night there. The guise is that they met while online gaming, another subplot that runs through the book, Emily always chooses female characters, Claire more androgynous characters, eventually Nathalie and her mother (a strong female role model and practicing attorney) go out to the small town Emily lives in and meet her parents, neither of whom ever tips to the idea that Nathalie is anything other than a "normal" girl, indeed they think Claire is jealous of Nathalie, though that is never actually the truth. When Emily does come out to her parents, her mother loses it, her father is more supportive in a different way (they've been working on cars together her whole life), though he takes a while to come to terms with everything, there are several asides when it is obvious he and Emily's mother are having words but what those words are is never clear, it is he who eventually facilitates Emily beginning hormone therapy just prior to beginning her senior year.

That's the plotline, it really is well written, it's not unbelievable and I really appreciate the new edition which ends with Emily and Claire marrying ten years later. I read some reviews that seemed happy, or at least accepting, that they didn't end up together at the end of the first edition, but I found this version much more satisfying because the closeness and intensity of their bond throughout the book is THE basis on which a solid marriage can be built. Unconditional love and acceptance under extremely trying conditions is a rare thing, Claire's ability to "roll" with all of the issues Emily is dealing with, go off get her degree and become her own independent woman before returning to Emily's life is satisfying, to me. I was disappointed in that, although Emily struggles, the severity of that struggle is never truly made clear to her parents in ways other books (and statistics) do. She never attempts, nor really considers, self harm - statistically not all transgendered kids do, but a significant number do and her distress is certainly at a level where that might have factored in, particularly when she is banned from seeing the supportive therapist and forced to return to the idiot who is sure she is simply a cross dresser who gets off on wearing women's clothes and thinks the whole experience is some sort of sexual game for her. No one ever asks her parents if they would like a live daughter or a dead son - I think that is one of the key elements to every transgender story, whether it be a novel or a memoir, someone needs to SAY that to parents, because without that clarity, I think it harder for parents to come to terms with what they think is a phase, even if that phase has lasted for 15 years. Emily's dad does get something like that from Nathalie's mother but not her mother and it costs them years of their relationship. Emily and Claire's relationship, in the new ending, actually destroys what had been a strong mother-daughter relationship she'd had with her own mother and that gets almost no attention, which I found sad. Might have needed more than another chapter to delve into that, but I found Claire amazing and think she got short shrift in that aspect as well as not nearly enough credit for how accepting she was of Emily's bombshell announcement, for not going off the deep end, for falling even more deeply in love and for being her strongest ally. She's every bit as much an amazing person as Emily, maybe more so, for me.

I've been exploring this topic in various ways for most of this millennia, it's become a larger part of the American dialog and experience with time. I've learned it has always existed even if we didn't have the words or medicine to express that or treat it so that people can live their lives genuinely. I've learned about the science surrounding how gender dysphoria happens in utero, this novel does a better job of dealing with that than any other I've read, most don't touch on that at all, only staying in the now of each person's story. That's okay but there's so much more to this than fiction can handle. I'm a retired cis male. I've never been attracted to anyone other than females in any way. But, I was married once for seven years and have been on my own, by choice, for 43 years. There was a part in this novel that resonated with me. When Emily describes imagining sexuality, she sees herself as female in those situations - that naturally causes some problems in her actual relationship. While I consider myself entirely masculine, I have found through life experience that I have a strong feminine side, I needed it as the sole custodian of my two sons, but when I look at erotica, for my entire adult life, I've imagined myself as the acted on, not the actor, identifying with the female character or submissively with a female dominant character. I've never acted that out in life, but it IS what I've always found most arousing. So, maybe 80-20 or 70-30 male to female ration? I wonder if there even is such a thing and at my age, I'm unlikely to ever find out, I'm not asexual exactly, but I'm completely content living on my own with no relationship (some brief ones in the early years after my divorce in 1978) at all. I'll likely live out my life that way. That's an unnecessary hedge, I will live out my life that way. But I am grateful to have (as Claire would see it, have been guided) become exposed to and increasingly familiar with and accepting of the idea that traditional binary gender roles are probably nonexistent in that I doubt any of us is completely, 100%, male or female, but rather a mix, maybe as much as 99-1 to 50-50, we all embody, mentally and emotionally some characteristics of both genders, not necessarily ever expressed sexually, but always so emotionally. I don't think that a bad thing at all.

Yes, by the way, if you've gotten this far, I recommend this book without reservation, it's a great read. I'll be looking for Ms. Gold's other works. :^)

[Andrew · Rating 4 out of 5]

Have you ever seen a teenager who is not comfortable with who they are, or who they are destined to be? (If not, just watch as the local high school dismisses for a day and you’ll see a whole lot of them.) If you’re in that situation, what do you do about it?

In “being emily” , Rachel Gold documents the story of a High School student named Christopher, who inside believes s/he is really “Emily Christine”. (Gender pronouns are going to be tricky from this point forward, especially to avoid spoilers.) The book, written in the first person, documents Christopher’s / Emily’s junior year, jumping in just before the point where Chris’s parents realize something may be bothering him and make an appointment with a therapist. In an attempt – successful – to provide some counterpoint, the author changes the narrator (changes clearly marked) to Chris / Emily’s girlfriend, Claire, who is the first person that is brought in on this secret. I especially appreciated the fact that Claire was depicted as religious, but not judgmental or zealous; too often, it becomes a stereotype to combine those things into a description.


The book, targeted at Young Adults, was a quick read, and successfully held my interest throughout. I believe it would be a must-have for anyone with concerns regarding a difference between their physical and mental gender. I would have liked to rank the book at 5 stars, but have had to settle for 4 (since Goodreads does not allow 1/2 stars) due to a few things I questioned. (NOTE: Most of this may seem – and probably is – nit-picky on what I thought was a very good book, but it is simply explaining why I couldn’t rate it at the maximum.)

1) It felt a little too easy to differentiate “heroes” from “villains”. With exception of his/her parents, and to a small extent Claire, if you agreed with Emily, you were one of the good guys. Disagreement designated you with the traditional black hat. Either the current characters or perhaps new ones could illustrate that you could be a caring individual and still believe that Christopher was simply confused, or sympathetic to Emily and an SOB at the same time.
2) Christopher becomes to come to terms with being Emily through a website called GenderPeace. I believe the author missed an opportunity to present emotions, experiences, etc. outside of the protagonist’s experience by more fully utilizing the site and its members.
3) The “good” counselor seemed too quick to determine gender dysphoria, while the “evil” counselor was close-minded to that particular option but willing to consider others.

I suspect that all of this was not due to a lack of ability or attention from the author. Rather, it appears part of a successful effort to keep the length of the book within reason for the YA audience it targets – in particular, those like our main character who have questions about their place in the world. I would strongly suggest that this book be one of their references.


Disclosure: This book was awarded free of charge through the Goodreads FirstRead program.

[Rose · Rating 3 out of 5]

Rachel Gold has written a courageous novel for young adults about a young man named Christopher who is male in appearance only. Chris (as he prefers to be called in his boy life) has always known he's a girl, even since he was a youngster. He preferred playing with girls and girls' toys and was confused when he was referred to (by his parents and teachers and everyone else) as a boy. He learned to survive by pretending he was a boy -- he's on the swim team (which give him an excuse to shave the hair off his body0 and he has a goth girlfriend, Claire. He works on cars with his father -- he actually likes cars! -- and no one suspects he is anything but what he seems. But the pretending is too much, and he becomes more and more depressed and edgy and certain that he has to come out as a girl. But to whom?

He picks Claire. Imagine her surprise and confusion when the guy she's been making out with (heavily) confesses that he is a she and has already picked a true name for himself (herself): Emily. Imagine the courage it takes for Emily to out herself. Fortunately, Claire is cautiously receptive, and she is there for Chris/Emily just about all the time. Even when Chris's parents insist he see a counselor who is absolutely the wrong one for him/her. Even when Chris gets to see a counselor who is right for him. Even when Chris wants to learn to use makeup, visit someone who has already begun the transition from boy to girl, when he comes out to his family. If everyone had a friend like Claire, life would indeed be good!

Tucked into Chris/Emily's story is lots of information about transgender youth: what causes transgenderism, how many transgender people there are in the U.S., what's involved in transitioning from one sex to another (surgically, medically, emotionally), how it feels to be trapped in your body when it doesn't correspond to your brain. This information is obviously well researched and presented deftly, for the most part, although it was obvious to me during these sections of the narrative that the author's purpose was to educate -- and sometimes that education seemed a little bit too heavy and more like explanation than narrative. But I don't know how else she could have handled that material, which was very important to include both for the characters in the book and for the reader. So even though I noticed the exposition, I didn't mind it terribly. And I suspect the young adults who read this book will either not notice or be willing to go along as I did.

I finished this book with a better understanding of the topic, and I enjoyed the read. The cover of the books tells us that this a "a groundbreaking new novel." I think that's true. I think also that this is Rachel Gold's first novel. I hope she has more books in mind. There's a huge need in the YA world for books that include the transgender community. I hope there will be school librarians and counselors courageous enough to include this book and others in their collections.

[Joanna Darrell · Rating 5 out of 5]

Being Emily is a delightfully written, easy to read, compelling, heartfelt read, completely different from the majority of transgender fiction out there (which is usually fetish) and all the better for it. I absolutely adored it from beginning to end.
It’s more than a book about being transgender though, so don’t be put off if you aren’t trans yourself or interested in the subject matter. It’s the story of a person discovering and learning to love themselves with their own sense of identity and purpose. Emily, the lead character ably supported by her friend Emily take us through her voyage of self discovery, without it ever feeling like an in depth examination with over explicit details of gender re-assignment surgery. We get to see the influence of the church on Emily’s mother and Claire, the futile hope of reparative surgery through the eyes of sleazeball Dr Webber, the sense of loss of a son from Emily’s mother.
Rachel displays a wonderfully expressive writing style throughout this book – from her beautiful descriptions of scenes and moments, to the detached emotions conveyed in Emily’s “computer programme speak” when confronted by a scene where she is acting on automatic pilot. By writing chapters from each of the leading characters perspectives, Rachel gives herself the opportunity to explore Emily’s story deeply, in an age appropriate way, without getting hungup on the gory details of surgery. All of the key moments in the transgender journey are here. Doubt, isolation, peer to peer support, parents wanting their old child back, hate, hormone prescriptions, old and new approaches to therapy, a best friend for an ally and the subtle influence of religion on peoples behaviour and in particular her parents.
It’s a thought provoking and sometimes jarring read. In one scene, Emily returns from a meal out to barricade herself in her room, before picking up a knife to cut her clothes from her body, to stand in front of a mirror, knife in hand, poised ready to remove the cause of her dysphoria. Cue her dad’s arrival, literally smashing through the door to come to her aid. This scene, one of a number of pivotal scenes in the book, serves to wrench Emily’s dad from his initial position of the detachment typical of so many male parents, to a realisation that leads to a “tolerance” of her situation and the gesture which ultimately puts her on the path for college and the surgeries she so badly needs to be herself.
I highly recommend this delightful book for any library, school reading program, or any other educational or organised activity, as it's an interesting, valuable and positive insight into the transgender community and the issues they face.

[Shelley Pearson · Rating 4 out of 5]

I hope it's a spoiler to say that the description on the back of the book is not entirely accurate. Mostly in that the main character's girlfriend was completely supportive and didn't give any lectures about God. She is a gothy Christian and quotes the Bible, but I kept waiting for her to be all judgmental of Emily, and while she was freaked out at first, I thought she tried really hard and basically provided one place in town where Emily could be herself.

Overall, I enjoyed this book. I read it really quickly, and felt connected to the main characters. I think that Emily is a character that people of all genders can relate to.

As some other reviewers have said, there are a lot of statistics and facts that read a little stiffly, mostly from Emily's therapist and occasionally from her girlfriend. But I don't really know how an author can avoid that if they're intending for their book to be read by a wide audience, including people who aren't already educated about trans issues. Also, I was kind of put off by "transsexual" being used as the default term for trans folk.

I also agree that the end wrapped up too quickly and easily, with almost no resolution with Emily's parents, which disappointed me. I did like how Emily's dad was the one who stepped up to support her while her mother was not willing/able to. So many YA novels have almost-absent fathers, so it was great to see a father who, even though he doesn't understand what his child is going through, recognizes that the transition is helping her mental state, and supports it.

Overall, I thought this was a really positive, easy-to-read and worthwhile book.

[Kimberly · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is the first book I’ve read with a transitioning main character. As to be expected, there was angst and sadness but also some joy and a good bit of support for the main character to help balance out the darker bits. The writing was easy to read and alternating chapters with the story told from Emily and Claire’s point of views was insightful and a good choice for the story.

Like most stories, I’ll probably not reread this one but it was worth reading once.

[Hailey · Rating 5 out of 5]

A striking text, boldly exploring a challenging topic which receives far too little exposure. The plot is strong, if not a little contrived at times, but the book is easy to read and will keep you hooked. A must for anyone who is serious about exploring the human condition, and what it means to live in the 21st century.

[Becs · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 Stars
Couldn't put it down. Smiling, laughing, anger, frustration and hurt. However, the ending was a little abrupt. I feel like there were a few more loose threads that needed addressing, and it would have been great to have more scenes in the end with Emily being fully out as herself as it happens rather than retrospectively. I just wanted to see her journey continue a little further.

[Jess · Rating 3 out of 5]

The writing was a bit stilted, but the story was very compelling. I read it in one sitting because I couldn't put it down. I think my fellow cisgender readers could do with more books like this to help build compassion, and books in general could do with more transgender characters.

[Marsha · Rating 4 out of 5]

The novel is an exploration of what it means to be straight, gay, transgender, etc., and Chris proves to be an engaging character in it. We learn what goes on inside his head as he exhibits all the traits necessary to “pass” as a stereotypical male among his family and peers. Inarticulateness, grunting, shrugging, talking about the limited subjects that so-called manly boys enjoy (sports, cars, girls, repeat), etc.

He secretly checks out websites about alternative lifestyles and he’s very adept at concealment. The novel shows the ingenious ways he has for escaping detection, including putting a lock on his door, keeping women’s clothing in plain sight by sticking them in a bag labelled with his girlfriend’s name, erasing his browsing history, etc.

But Chris is drowning. He is undergoing the usual symptoms of denying who he is: depression, anxiety and misery. Amazingly, his parents have noticed and his mother decides he needs therapy.

Chris (he wants to be Emily) is one of the better YA literary personalities I’ve ever read. But flanking him is his Gnostic Christian girlfriend Claire. The novel alternates between Chris’s first-person narrative and Claire’s third-person viewpoint. It’s an unusual setup and I’ve encountered it in only one or two other novels about this subject. After my first surprise, I rather enjoyed hearing Claire’s inner dialogue as she worked her way through Chris’s confession.

Claire is a bisexual goth girl who has other interests but is a loner. (She fears being ostracized if others learn about Chris’s gender belief yet readily admits that she’s already an outsider. Becoming more of one isn’t a problem for her.) Initially spooked by Chris’s declaration that he’s actually a girl, she slowly sees him as he wants to be seen. Her love for him proves steadfast and she’s his fiercest defender against potential bullies.

However, Claire’s religious leanings are sometimes a little too much to take. I can’t help but feel that she’s talking to her invisible friend whenever she consults god or the bible in order to figure out how she should deal with Chris’s revelation about being a girl trapped in a boy’s body. She finds convenient passages that urge man to love his fellow man, regardless of his sexual orientation or gender identification. I wonder what she would have thought about the famous passage in Leviticus that encourages people to kill homosexuals or the one in Deuteronomy about how it’s an abomination to wear clothing assigned to the other gender.

Yet, her usage of the bible serves as a stark contrast with Chris’s intolerant mother, who also considers herself a good Christian yet reacts with denial, hostility and anger when Chris reveals his secret. She grounds him, takes away his computer and cell phone and glares daggers whenever his gestures and conversation are a little too effeminate.

Claire proves as determined as Chris to understand what he’s going through and how she can help. She’s a character as likable and refreshing as he is and including her furious thoughts about the situation, her growing acceptance, her alliance with Chris helps place his dilemma in a larger world perspective. The other people in their orbit—her mother, his parents, other LGBTQ members, et al.—flesh out the novel admirably, putting Chris firmly in the modern-day world. The state of Minnesota is almost a character as well. With its harsh winter and treacherous snowfall, it’s a reflection of the outer coldness Chris suffers from his intolerant mother.

The story isn’t all bleakness and depression. There are decided moments of joy, humor and warmth. I especially liked the part about Chris being confronted by an angry security guard. (Chris and Claire are equally miserable about the incident. But I found it funny! I was especially pleased by Chris’s quick thinking. Good for him!)

Most of Chris’s turmoil comes from his internal conviction that he’ll be punished if others learn what he is. Once he opens up, he finds allies, friends and a community that embraces him wholeheartedly. This is a fine example of YA LGBTQ fiction and I recommend it to anyone who likes a slightly lighter look at this controversial subject.

[asmalldyke · Rating 1 out of 5]

Some thoughts, take two:

Pride Over Cis Approval, Kill Cis, Fuck The Church - Fuck The State, Kill Your Parents, Transfemme Militia When?

Being Emily is basically personal torture; I'm doing the book an incredible kindness by reading the 2018 edition, which has been edited presumably to remove cringeworthy transmedicalist bullshit, or just flat transphobia or whatever. Despite that, what passes for trans discussion in its pages feels weird and jarring and bad; some portions read like it's current year, and some of them read like they're from the COGIATI. On the whole it's still sort of self hating, and all of its cis characters are fucking detestable at various points.

That's not far from reality as far as coming out as trans when you're a kid goes, ask me how I know. Then as now I want bible thumpers preaching about compassion to fuck off, and this book has one of those, as one of the leads, which is definitely a choice. You can argue that all of this shit is adequately priming trans kids for what it'll be like, but also - is that a little demotivational? At 14 years old, Being Emily would have been a book where I went "wow (s)he is literally me!", but is that a healthy thing for trans kids, with the unrelenting shitty "allies" and transphobia from all angles and abusive parents? It's not exactly universally trans positive about it.

Plus, personally, as a reader: I don't want to go back to hell. Being Emily reminds me of how bad things really are, or were. It's like reliving high school to me; all the pain and awkwardness of coming out to people you thought cared for, thrown up and concentrated in my face. I'm not the target audience, but maybe other trans people will feel the same way? I guess I'm long since "over" coming-out stuff.

Maybe Nevada is a weird fucking thing for a tween or teen to be reading, but get this; for all its relative freaky weirdness, for all of its many quirks and its few genuine flaws, Nevada instilled a couple of very critical core tenets in my brain from a young age. Nevada has an extremely strong, unspoken yet omnipresent conviction that trans women have a right to exist and be themselves. As all good transfemme fiction does: it's never in question at all, by any character, and even when Maria is calling herself a "stupid boy-looking girl", you still get that sense. She's just being mean to herself 'cause she feels bad, so it's more a moment of empathy than anything. She is pretty forceful most other times, in spite of her meekness.

Nevada also takes a lot of time to deconstruct and destroy Ray Blanchard's "transsexual typology" "autogynephilia"(agp) crackpot pseudopsychology bullshit. This is probably a dusty cultural artifact already, but agp was still a pretty popular thing around the time Nevada came out, even though Julia Serano had already ended that man's whole career. Shoutouts to being called "agp" on 4chan, like this post if that's you! It was useful to recall Maria's chapter-long ramble on the subject at those times.

Hand in hand with that, Nevada instilled a deep, foundational distrust in the medical system, the fucking pharmaceutical-industrial-care-complex, in me. It takes the piss out of Harry Benjamin, and the Johns Hopkins fuckin' (sub)standard of care, and that made me realise that Yeah, these white labcoat people and their stethoscopes are all completely full of shit. They're fuckers; they know nothing about how gender works and they're actually queerphobic agents of our fucking fascist government.

All of that had a highly personal impact on my life; aside from actively rebelling against shitty gatekeepers, it opened my mind to the idea that transmedicalism is a load of bullshit. Nevada itself can't really be classed as pro- or anti- transmedical; it has some weird views, but its distaste for all things involving doctors leans it toward the former. Later in life, those heavily fuck-the-system views on health care I'd absorbed helped me get over the "autism validity is tied to diagnosis" thing really quickly, and become an ardent self diagnoser, because what do those neurotypical fucks and their fancy uniforms and books from the 80s know about neurodiversity? Jack shit, that's fucking what.


So that's what Nevada gave me, personally, and I have a distinct feeling that Being Emily would not have given me the same. It touches on some of the same themes; it is relatively speaking pro-trans, and is at least somewhat against how the medical establishment handles trans people. Its language and themes and such are basically all couched in old-school, almost Susans-Place-level discourse, though. Did Claire REALLY need to be that hateful and shitty? Did I HAVE to read about child abuse by a shit father? Primarily, what this book would have taught me is to put up with people who hope that you can undergo therapy to "fix" being trans, and find language around being trans "alien and disgusting". This is stuff that should have been revised out in this 2018 edition, but here it is! Kill cis, I s2g; if I have to read the phrase "boy parts" again, Imma head out.

Y'know what, I actually really do not care for the way that the dual-POV featuring Claire as #2 (in third person omniscient) centers the unbearably cis experience of having someone trans in your life. Fuck that; I do not care to hear about it. Keep your weird, transphobic long-road-to-acceptance bullshit to yourself. I guess I disagree with the book philosophically, in most ways. I don't want to see Emily's parents "redeemed", as much as they can be; I want to see them choke and die painfully. They deserve it.

Being Emily is a pretty bad after-school special of a book, I feel. It is surprisingly, painfully dated, even for its new edition. It sucks and I hate it, no matter how well-intentioned or groundbreaking and written-by-a-queer-person it is. Always remember: queer people can write garbage too! Protip: if something trans related is being sold to you by some (probably) cis fucker (in this case not the author but the book's proponents) claiming it will CHANGE HEARTS AND MINDS, or similar, it might be a trick. This protip will serve you well in all types of media, warning you about Very Special Episodes and allowing you to avoid trash like this. Steer clear.

[Emma V · Rating 5 out of 5]

Honestly, this was a fantastic book. It felt so… relevant, so relatable. It just resonated in a way that few books ever have for me.

When it comes to describing Emily’s experiences—her inner monologue, observations, what HRT did for her, the hurtful things she heard, and the impact that had on her mental health—it was all so real. The book explored shame, self-doubt, and the fear that her identity wasn’t valid, as well as her desperate need to be included, and the small joys of being seen. The few positive relationships she had meant so much. They were so dear.

This book didn’t avoid hard topics—it handled them with so much grace. I wish it had been there when I was younger. I wish I’d known it came out as early as 2012 so I could’ve read it sooner. Because as someone who waited so long to transition, without the support of family, friends, or a network to break out of her shell, I’ve always felt like I waited too long.

I related so much to Emily—her saying the first surgery she wanted was FFS. Like, same girl, same. I actually just had mine, and it meant the world. I’m already planning my next surgeries. I’m a happier person now. So much happier—even if I still have regrets about not standing up for myself sooner.

I felt every beat of Emily’s fear, of not having supportive parents, of being afraid of being kicked out, of how people would treat her. I wish I’d been as brave as Emily. But I didn’t have a Claire. I didn’t have a Dr. Mendel. I didn’t have a Natalie. I didn’t have a Susan.

Maybe that’s my fault. Or maybe it’s just how things worked out. But if I had had that, I would’ve done something sooner.

(For “Clairety”: I personally reject Christianity based on my own views and experiences with it, but I still appreciated getting Claire’s perspective—and seeing how someone religious might try to bridge a gap. To rationalize their beliefs in a way that still allowed them to offer kindness and support. Because I’ve run into people like that—people who struggle to reconcile their faith with the reality of people being hurt, and the authenticity of our existence.)

That’s why this book is so important to me. Because I needed someone to tell me these kinds of people existed—a counter-argument to the narrative my parents and the world tried to push on me. Not just the scattered things I could find on the messy internet, but a real, grounded story I could hold in my hands and return to.

So thank you for writing this. I’ll be reading it again. I first got the book at my library, and then I saw the anniversary edition had come out—and I bought it as soon as I finished the copy I’d borrowed. It’s one of those few books I love so much, I know I have to keep it on my shelf.

[Isaiah · Rating 4 out of 5]

To see more reviews check out MI Book Reviews.

I found this book because I was looking for anything trans related at the library when I moved to Kansas. I wasn’t expecting much. Most of the books are YA books and I am very impressed by the selection available, it is much better than the YA books available in the Berkeley public library.

This book follows Emily coming out to her girlfriend and then her family. Emily has known she is a woman since she was really young. She knew it, but she learned to hide it because people kept reacting very badly to it. Her parents are really awful and conservative people. They forced Emily into therapy because she is depressed. The therapist suggests that Emily’s father beats her and that she is confused about what real men are like since her mother has always been the more stable bread winner. Emily hates every second of this awful “therapy”. When that “therapist” is out of the office, Emily learns what real therapy is like when someone fills it. Emily switches over and starts to thrive. This was wonderful. It showed what therapy can be and what it should be.

Emily’s relationship with her girlfriend gets rocky for a little while. Claire is a bit full of herself and things of everything in terms of herself. What does Emily’s transition mean to Claire and Claire’s identity being the main focus of her chapters. I was so tired of it. Claire actively identifies as bisexual, this NON-ISSUE for identity. Yet it was constant. It turns out bisexual in this book meant only fooling around with women for the fun of it or for the attention, but you know a stable bisexual identity. It was really annoying. I dread reading any book about bisexual characters because it is very rare that they are portrayed as anything but confused and/or cheaters and/or doing it for attention. Though Claire’s search through her religion for answers was fascinating. It was great to see that path and see it worked out in a way that didn’t hurt anyone.

My main issue with the book is the parents. They blackmailed Emily, there was a great deal of emotion abuse. There was no way that they would have given into hormones. That is just ridiculously unrealistic. If I suspended belief for this, then the book reads very smoothly. The ending is very smooth, though bland. It gave closure, but it wasn’t an ending I would have stayed up all night reading to get to.