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21 Miles: Swimming in Search of the Meaning of Motherhood
'This book will help so many people' Positive FertilityAn Outdoor Swimming Society Book of the Year 2018After a decade of trying and failing to become a mother, Jessica Hepburn knew it was time to do something different. So she decided to swim twenty-one miles across the English Channel – no easy feat, especially for someone who couldn't swim very well. As the punishing training schedule commenced, Jessica learned you need to put on weight to stave off the cold. This gave her the idea to meet and eat with a collection of inspiring women, and ask does motherhood make you happy?From baronesses and professors to award-winners and record-breakers, each of the women had compelling truths to tell about fulfilment and the meaning of motherhood.
321 pages, Kindle Edition
Published May 3, 2018
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316 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 37 reviews
December 23, 2022
“I may never be able to say that I was the 4 million and 91st woman to give birth to an IVF baby, but I will always be able to say I was the 491st woman to swim the English Channel”.
After 11 failed IVF attempts Jessica Hepburn decides to train to swim the Channel from England to France. An inspiring story about resilience.
After 11 failed IVF attempts Jessica Hepburn decides to train to swim the Channel from England to France. An inspiring story about resilience.
August 28, 2020
"I learned that most people need something else in their life as well. Motherhood can make you happy, but it's rarely enough."
August 27, 2018
Making Waves Once Again!!
“I may never be able to say that I was the 4 million and 91st woman to give birth to an IVF baby, but I will always be able to say that I was the 491st woman to swim the English Channel.”
In 2014, Jessica Hepburn made waves in the assisted fertility world with her biting, compulsive account of her hurdles and heartbreaks, trying to conceive through IVF (eleven cycles, no less).
Now, with 21 Miles, she’s making waves again. Literally
Hepburn decided that if she couldn’t become a biological mother, she was going to do something BIG.
Specifically, she was going to swim across the English Channel -- despite having ever been an exercise-adverse, last-one-picked-for-rounders kind of girl.
The silver lining to the gruelling training was an injunction to gain weight, as she needed body fat to protect her from the intense cold during 21-mile crossing. So, with her signature initiative, Jessica contacted 21 remarkable women -- among them, a polar explorer, a scientist, a Member of Parliament and a filmmaker -- to meet with her, share a meal, and discuss their very different perspectives on motherhood and fulfilment.
These candid, surprising interviews form the backbone of 21 Miles. Along the way, Hepburn also describes the challenges and terrors of her training and crossing -- the jellyfish encounter is worthy of Stephen King -- the loyalty of her open-water swimming community, and the agony of parting from the lover who got her through those eleven IVF cycles. All these elements bear tribute to the sheer power of human endurance -- and the complex interplay between our twin drives for achievement and connection.
Does motherhood make you happy? This question fuels Hepburn’s interviews, narrative, and swim. Her unexpected answer will have me queuing up for ner next book.
“I may never be able to say that I was the 4 million and 91st woman to give birth to an IVF baby, but I will always be able to say that I was the 491st woman to swim the English Channel.”
In 2014, Jessica Hepburn made waves in the assisted fertility world with her biting, compulsive account of her hurdles and heartbreaks, trying to conceive through IVF (eleven cycles, no less).
Now, with 21 Miles, she’s making waves again. Literally
Hepburn decided that if she couldn’t become a biological mother, she was going to do something BIG.
Specifically, she was going to swim across the English Channel -- despite having ever been an exercise-adverse, last-one-picked-for-rounders kind of girl.
The silver lining to the gruelling training was an injunction to gain weight, as she needed body fat to protect her from the intense cold during 21-mile crossing. So, with her signature initiative, Jessica contacted 21 remarkable women -- among them, a polar explorer, a scientist, a Member of Parliament and a filmmaker -- to meet with her, share a meal, and discuss their very different perspectives on motherhood and fulfilment.
These candid, surprising interviews form the backbone of 21 Miles. Along the way, Hepburn also describes the challenges and terrors of her training and crossing -- the jellyfish encounter is worthy of Stephen King -- the loyalty of her open-water swimming community, and the agony of parting from the lover who got her through those eleven IVF cycles. All these elements bear tribute to the sheer power of human endurance -- and the complex interplay between our twin drives for achievement and connection.
Does motherhood make you happy? This question fuels Hepburn’s interviews, narrative, and swim. Her unexpected answer will have me queuing up for ner next book.
April 18, 2024
I enjoyed reading this book a lot, and it’s an incredible story with a really meaningful conclusion.
However, I also felt like there was an underlying story about her quest to be under a certain weight, and finding reasons for her to allow herself to be over that. There was a lot of thinly veiled criticism about the women she met with who didn’t eat, and some strange praise for women (and children) who ate something that the author approved of. Would have been 4 stars for me without that thread.
I’m really glad to have read this though.
However, I also felt like there was an underlying story about her quest to be under a certain weight, and finding reasons for her to allow herself to be over that. There was a lot of thinly veiled criticism about the women she met with who didn’t eat, and some strange praise for women (and children) who ate something that the author approved of. Would have been 4 stars for me without that thread.
I’m really glad to have read this though.
August 1, 2022
Reading this book while reflecting upon the sad ending of my own IVF journey, trying to find a way forward, has been like eating my own favorite meal, which I'm sure would be some salty creamy pasta dish with roasted vegetables on the side, after days of hunger and a good round of vigorous exercise. (Definitely not swimming to France though- maybe a long walk around the neighborhood instead!) I so enjoyed the perspective, the writing style, and the story. I laughed and cried. A five-star read.
April 25, 2019
Wow, just wow! This book really moved me. Definitely going to look out for her other book now 😁
February 10, 2024
Jessica Hepburn wants to be a mother. But after years of infertility treatments, several miscarriages, an eptopic pregnancy & the biological clock ticking faster, she starts to wonder if this dream is achievable. And if not, what else is there? So at the start of January she decides her first New Year Resolution will be to ‘give up IVF and do something big instead’ - and then recalls her old childhood dream of swimming the channel…
Swimming 21 miles from England to France is no easy feat for the fittest of athletes, so Jessica, who loves food & hates exercise, isn’t quite sure how she’s going to pull this off, but as there are similarities between this challenge & the brutal years of infertility, she’s determined enough to try. Alongside her training she’s going to interview inspirational women and question them about how crucial motherhood is to feeling fulfilled in life.
I randomly picked this book up in the library, read a few pages & knew I had to hear more. Jessica has a wonderfully warm & engaging style of writing. And as someone who also struggled with infertility I also felt such a huge connection with her. As she recalled her journey so eloquently and movingly, I found myself almost nodding furiously in agreement.
But this is in no way just a story about one woman’s quest to get pregnant. It’s a story of strength and empowerment, about changing failure into success. As Jessica begins her channel training it’s evident how Herculean this task is going to be. The cold! The distance! The jellyfish! This woman is an absolute powerhouse! I was captivated by her vision and her determination, against all the odds stacked against her.
From the agonies of cold water swimming to the fascinating and often profound thoughts of all of the women she interviewed, 21 Miles is an incredible memoir of challenge and strength and what women can do. I can’t emphasise what an amazing tale of endurance this is. Read it and see for yourself!
Swimming 21 miles from England to France is no easy feat for the fittest of athletes, so Jessica, who loves food & hates exercise, isn’t quite sure how she’s going to pull this off, but as there are similarities between this challenge & the brutal years of infertility, she’s determined enough to try. Alongside her training she’s going to interview inspirational women and question them about how crucial motherhood is to feeling fulfilled in life.
I randomly picked this book up in the library, read a few pages & knew I had to hear more. Jessica has a wonderfully warm & engaging style of writing. And as someone who also struggled with infertility I also felt such a huge connection with her. As she recalled her journey so eloquently and movingly, I found myself almost nodding furiously in agreement.
But this is in no way just a story about one woman’s quest to get pregnant. It’s a story of strength and empowerment, about changing failure into success. As Jessica begins her channel training it’s evident how Herculean this task is going to be. The cold! The distance! The jellyfish! This woman is an absolute powerhouse! I was captivated by her vision and her determination, against all the odds stacked against her.
From the agonies of cold water swimming to the fascinating and often profound thoughts of all of the women she interviewed, 21 Miles is an incredible memoir of challenge and strength and what women can do. I can’t emphasise what an amazing tale of endurance this is. Read it and see for yourself!
September 22, 2022
A really vulnerable memoir, Hepburn talks you through her life post unsuccessful IVF and her search for meaning in her life. She's really likeable, coming across very honest and full of heart.
I'd like to have lunch with her. I also really enjoyed her passion for eating (which is much more specific than being passionate about just food). My kind of girl.
I enjoyed learning more about the process to prepare for swimming the English Channel although funnily enough, it wasn't the main feature of the book. The interviews Hepburn did with each of the women were interesting but most of all I enjoyed her narration of them.
I'd like to have lunch with her. I also really enjoyed her passion for eating (which is much more specific than being passionate about just food). My kind of girl.
I enjoyed learning more about the process to prepare for swimming the English Channel although funnily enough, it wasn't the main feature of the book. The interviews Hepburn did with each of the women were interesting but most of all I enjoyed her narration of them.
January 9, 2021
This book came crashing out of the waves of my own grief like a tide of joy. I’ve never met Jessica Hepburn, but I was cheering her on all the way and feel so proud of her - not just for her amazing swimming feat, but due to her writing such a warm and thoughtful book from her own deepest hurt.
April 13, 2020
About the book: Unable to have a baby after 11 IVF attempts, Jessica set her sights on swimming across the English Channel. Some thoughts:
🏊🏻♀️I learnt a lot about swimming across the Channel! In keeping with Captain Webb’s successful first attempt, no wetsuits! The first woman to swim across the Channel was 19-year-old Getrude Ederle.
🏊🏻♀️You need to put on weight to keep warm while swimming under 16 degrees. So Jessica invited and interviewed inspiring women who are mothers or childless in her search of the meaning of motherhood, to eat with her.
🏊🏻♀️ “ I don’t think you can call children an achievement. They’re what you’ve been given.” You need something else other than children to be fulfilled and happy.
🏊🏻♀️ Why men are not questioned about their fatherhood? Women are not just baby vessels..
🏊🏻♀️ Physiological need versus psychological healing? Life goes up in trajectory into adulthood and past that, it’s a downward slope. Children help adults relieve the upward climb again - interesting perspective from one of the women interviewed.
🏊🏻♀️ Just words that came to my mind: Loneliness, genetic supremacy, legacy, immortality, filial, selfishness, selflessness, feminism.
🏊🏻♀️My thoughts: Should fertility education be included alongside sexuality education? We need to realistic about the limitations of current reproductive technologies.
I highly recommend this book!
🏊🏻♀️I learnt a lot about swimming across the Channel! In keeping with Captain Webb’s successful first attempt, no wetsuits! The first woman to swim across the Channel was 19-year-old Getrude Ederle.
🏊🏻♀️You need to put on weight to keep warm while swimming under 16 degrees. So Jessica invited and interviewed inspiring women who are mothers or childless in her search of the meaning of motherhood, to eat with her.
🏊🏻♀️ “ I don’t think you can call children an achievement. They’re what you’ve been given.” You need something else other than children to be fulfilled and happy.
🏊🏻♀️ Why men are not questioned about their fatherhood? Women are not just baby vessels..
🏊🏻♀️ Physiological need versus psychological healing? Life goes up in trajectory into adulthood and past that, it’s a downward slope. Children help adults relieve the upward climb again - interesting perspective from one of the women interviewed.
🏊🏻♀️ Just words that came to my mind: Loneliness, genetic supremacy, legacy, immortality, filial, selfishness, selflessness, feminism.
🏊🏻♀️My thoughts: Should fertility education be included alongside sexuality education? We need to realistic about the limitations of current reproductive technologies.
I highly recommend this book!
February 22, 2023
Really liked both learning about what it takes to swim the channel and her takeaways regarding motherhood.
I always had this fantasy that I could swim the English Channel to lose weight because I read somewhere you lose 10-15 lbs just by swimming it. But I quickly learned that this plan would never work since you need to pack on weight just to make it through the icy waters. And not to mention the absolute horror of swimming through the smacks of jellyfish aghhhhhhh!!!!
My biggest takeaways/lessons from her on the motherhood angle:
1) human beings crave connection with other human beings, this is what (for many of us) creates meaning and purpose in our lives. Having a child is a shortcut to creating that connection. If we don’t have a child we should intentionally put in the work and time to forge those connections with others to fill that space/ longing within ourselves.
2)motherhood in and of itself is not “enough” for most people. It’s not the answer to the meaning of life, some be-all end-all and it won’t single-handedly give you a reason for being or a life’s purpose. Most people need something else in addition to feel fulfilled.
3) infertility is a really shitty and isolating hobby
I always had this fantasy that I could swim the English Channel to lose weight because I read somewhere you lose 10-15 lbs just by swimming it. But I quickly learned that this plan would never work since you need to pack on weight just to make it through the icy waters. And not to mention the absolute horror of swimming through the smacks of jellyfish aghhhhhhh!!!!
My biggest takeaways/lessons from her on the motherhood angle:
1) human beings crave connection with other human beings, this is what (for many of us) creates meaning and purpose in our lives. Having a child is a shortcut to creating that connection. If we don’t have a child we should intentionally put in the work and time to forge those connections with others to fill that space/ longing within ourselves.
2)motherhood in and of itself is not “enough” for most people. It’s not the answer to the meaning of life, some be-all end-all and it won’t single-handedly give you a reason for being or a life’s purpose. Most people need something else in addition to feel fulfilled.
3) infertility is a really shitty and isolating hobby
March 4, 2022
I really wanted to enjoy this more than I did. I found the subject interesting: woman has 11 failed rounds of IVF, decides to swim the Channel, and invites various women to meet with her and eat to help her gain weight for her swim, while answering questions about motherhood and their accomplishments. I enjoyed the sections where she interviews other women, I liked hearing their perspectives. I also liked hearing about her training for the swim, as it's a totally unknown world to me. However, I found I wasn't all that invested in whether or not Hepburn managed the swim in the end. I also didn't get a clear idea of what the challenge meant to her - the conclusion was a bit trite. Maybe I just didn't like her very much (or the version of her in the book anyway). I found her neurosis about food tedious and distracting, it was written clumsily and showed a lack of self-awareness and an insecurity that was really unlikeable. I don't regret finishing the book, but Hepburn and her story didn't leave a strong impression, which is a shame because I feel like the idea and the story had great potential, sadly unrealised in my opinion.
October 16, 2019
A relatively easy to read book in a memoir style. At times, I found the narrative style a little too jerky, and the author vacillated between giving us too much information, while withholding herself back at other times. I would have preferred a little more heart in the writing style at times, more description of just where she found the strength to get herself across the Channel, because this is an awesome achievement, particularly for a woman with very little open water swimming experience. The book did examine the huge emotional conflict that can come with motherhood (or childlessness whether by choice or circumstance) and I probably wanted to see a little more of that as well. All in all, it was a great read, but I am not sure I would go to her previous book dealing with her struggle to conceive.
February 4, 2020
I'm a bit bereft this is over and it has given me so much literal food for thought that I feel like I need a couple of days to take it in and process. It is non-fiction, about a 40-something Londoner who after 11 rounds of IVF decides to give up on her dream of being a mother, and who instead decides to swim the channel. During the year long training period, she invites interesting, successful and sometimes formidable women to eat with her in her efforts to gain weight, and interviews them on their life ambitions, successes and motherhood (or lack thereof.)
Funny, sad, fascinating, and so inspirational. Also a bit un-put-downable, I devoured it in less than a week!
Funny, sad, fascinating, and so inspirational. Also a bit un-put-downable, I devoured it in less than a week!
September 5, 2018
Jessica's story is one of resilience and searching and it's beautifully put together. She maintains a tension throughout the build up to her swim that just keeps you reading. She weaves other stories in between hers in such a natural way. I appreciated the vulnerability and sensitivity in both sharing her story and writing for women who carry with them a sadness they don't know what to do with. Jessica really is an incredibly inspiring woman and it's a privilege to be invited into her story through this book.
June 12, 2018
Wonderful book gobbled down in 3 lovely binges - I couldn't put it down. Regardless of whether you care a jot about either swimming the channel or IVF you will love this. Achingly honest, moving, profound but also very funny. I cried, I got goosebumps. Jessica Hepburn is an excellent writer and she has a great story to tell. The interviews with the famous women were fascinating. So joyful also to read a woman who really loves food write about eating. Read it - you won't regret it.
March 6, 2025
There's so much going on in this fast and fluent memoir. I'm in awe of how honest and driven Jessica Hepburn is. It's an inspiring story which has taught me so much about grief, ambition and how to turn your life around. Swimming the channel is something I have never fancied one bit, although I adore sea swimming. Somehow Jessica makes the reader feel that every one of us could do it! The book is funny, sad, tragic and tender. Thoroughly recommended.
November 19, 2019
I found this book excellent, balanced and thought-provoking. Jessica is honest, funny and inspiring - relevant for those experiencing fertility struggles and interesting/eye-opening for others. It also has the parallel story of her swimming training interspersed so has a good mix. It's not often I come across a book I can't put down, I thoroughly recommend.
April 17, 2020
An inspiring story which moved me to tears. I increased my training sessions in the pool after reading this, although quickly came to the realisation that I'll never be able to complete the channel swim which is such an outstanding accomplishment. I loved the personal memoirs, however felt that the meet and eat extracts didn't always fit with the narrative seamlessly.
September 12, 2020
Beautifully written, uplifting and thought provoking
This book has made me smile, cry and laugh. It’s such a thought provoking read and really makes you think about the big questions in life. Hats off to this writer for being so determined and courageous both for swimming the channel but also for opening up to others about her heartbreak and raising awareness of infertility.
This book has made me smile, cry and laugh. It’s such a thought provoking read and really makes you think about the big questions in life. Hats off to this writer for being so determined and courageous both for swimming the channel but also for opening up to others about her heartbreak and raising awareness of infertility.
July 13, 2023
Absolutely loved this. I’m not a mother, nor trying, but I still found the the messages in this book so powerful. Not only did it give me a greater understanding of individuals lift experiences when going through IVF, a lot of the baby for parenthood, but it also taught me a lot about the values of having individual goals and dreams, and have connections with others. Highly recommend!
September 11, 2025
A truly nourishing, insightful and entertaining story of a remarkable woman asking big questions. I loved the humility and determination that the author carries throughout her journey and the conversations were absolutely wonderful. I laughed, I cried, can't wait to re-read.
June 16, 2019
Warm and moving. Very worthwhile.
July 31, 2019
Dear Jessica
Thank you for writing this book.
I learned so much about IVF, swimming the channel, you (of course) and surprisingly myself.
Thank you again.
Thank you for writing this book.
I learned so much about IVF, swimming the channel, you (of course) and surprisingly myself.
Thank you again.
December 30, 2019
Read in its entirety on Christmas Day - a really nice book about the joy of swimming, and eating, and motherhood
March 21, 2020
Book exploring what you do when you cant have a baby and decide to give up on treatment. Jessica gave up at 43 and decided to swim the channel instead!
May 16, 2020
So inspiring. Completely changed my outlook on parenthood. Loved the structure of the book, loved Hepburn’s writing, loved everything. Also cried at the end!!
November 26, 2022
Very good. Other people’s stories are so helpful.
May 20, 2023
A beautiful book that everyone should read
January 8, 2024
So so so good. It had me thinking, crying, excited and nervous all at once. An absolute must read!!
Displaying 1 - 30 of 37 reviews