Fail Seven Times

by Kris Ripper

Justin Simos knows a few things for sure: he’s gay, he’s an unrepentant jerk, and he’s in love with his best friend—and his best friend’s girlfriend.

Alex and Jamie aren’t like other people. They aren’t fazed by his moods. They laugh at his critical analysis of nineties cinema. They definitely want to have sex with him (…again), and Jamie wants a go at him with her favorite flogger. Despite the fact that the they’re perfect together, they want him to join them.

Justin doesn’t have words for this thing between the three of them, but he knows romance isn’t supposed to be part of it. As long as he ignores his feelings, maybe they can have fun. Keep it simple. Don’t fail.

Except Justin’s not great at simple, and real damn good at failing. He’s not brave enough to be with them, and trying might destroy everything. It’s too big a risk. He can’t be this strong, passionate person they see him as…unless maybe he already is.

Genres: Romance, LGBT, Contemporary, Queer, Polyamory, BDSM, M M F

267 pages, Kindle Edition

First published June 19, 2018

About the author

Kris Ripper lives in the great state of California and zir pronouns are ze/zir. Kris shares a converted garage with a kid, can do two pull-ups in a row, and can write backwards. (No, really.) Ze has been writing fiction since ze learned how to write, and boring zir stuffed animals with stories long before that.

Reviews

[K.J. Charles]

The story of Justin, a gay prickly, self-loathing, self-identified asshole, who is in love not just with his bi best friend Alex but with Alex's girlfriend Jamie. He loves them; they love him and want him to join them in bed with hope of a proper relationship. The entire conflict here lies in Justin's horrifically aggressive-defensive personality and terror of vulnerability, which causes him to deflect, push away, walk away, and generally screw up.

It's a testament to the author that this is intensely readable and as pacily compelling as the twistiest external plot. It's very hard to pull off a totally convincing romance where all the conflict is internal without frustrating the reader with the character's obtuseness. Ripper does it here precisely by frustrating the reader. We completely feel with Justin, and understand him even as we howl at his self sabotage, because he is howling too, deep down. And his journey to self acceptance is deeply convincing, spurred as it is not just by Alex and Jamie's love and patience, but by developing real friendships outside the trio, becoming more invested in his work for a sculptor, and very much from delving into a piece of queer history and the story of an artist he loves who died of AIDS related complications. That is, we see Justin starting to open his mind and heart in multiple directions to get the HEA and that's why it works.

This is a glorious, affirming book of happiness achieved in the teeth of a lot of stuff. I cried...several times. Highly recommended.

[Moony Eliver · Rating 2 out of 5]

Calling it at 32%. 1.5 stars, probably. I wish I were one of those people who could head-down-plow-through and finish a book when I'm feeling meh about it, but instead it just makes my kindle collect dust. Which is a travesty.

I never felt anything for these characters. No chemistry was developed between them, everything felt told. And the angsty voice of the POV character felt so contrived, like why tf was he all i-can't-i-can't-i-can't? Who knows. That's a particular pet peeve of mine, when the narrative tries to create tension in that way and it only creates eye rolls.

Holl, I'm so glad our buddyhood is a lot more successful than our truly abysmal buddy read record. 😂

[X · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this. Very realistic, moving at times. I loved the way the author wove in everything about Hazeltine - it felt like a very accurate depiction of how we experience and are affected by the work of artists from the past.

One of the things I appreciate about this author is how, when I pick up a new book by zir, I know it will have characters and an emotional journey that are unlike most (if not all) other books out there. The originality - it gives you the chance to really examine your own assumptions about relationships and personal choices (but ofc in a fun, sexy context haha).

[Kathleen in Oslo · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is basically impossible for me to rate because it f*cked me up hard. I really loved Justin, I really loved Hazeltine, I really struggled with the relationship dynamic. I was triggered by the ED stuff. Which, by the way, is very well done, which is probably why it knocked me over.

Very good but I'm not sure I ever wanna read it again.

5 stars all the same, because this book got into my head and hasn't left.

Please read Leigh's wonderful review for a more thoughtful assessment, and a full listing of CWs and content notes.

[h o l l i s]

So it's only after finishing this, and seeing a mention in another review this is a not-quite-sequel but that the main POV is from another story, and this is apparently from a pre existing universe, so now I wonder if not having that foundation explains some of my ambivalence or frustration with this one.

Because honestly I just found this MC to be a little too much. I'm not above a really great turnaround in believe of self-worth or putting up with angst, or whatever and what have you, but this one just seemed to be stemmed in.. I don't even know what or why. We spent so much time watching him sabotage something that could be amazing, twist around from feelings and emotions and then be upset because he acted against how he would also feel, and rinse and repeat, and yet I don't know if any of it is ever explained.

Granted, I was definitely skimming over some of the art stuff near the end but I can't imagine the answer was hidden away in any of that dialogue or plot so..

I don't know. I am definitely into trying more poly/triad stories, and appreciate a good emotional and insular narrative (Bell did this well with her THIS IS NOT THE END), but I'm definitely left wanting and frustrated by this one even if, sometimes, bits of this did work, did move me, did intrigue me. It might not have been helped by some of the BDSM elements which rarely work for me so.. who knows.

Thanks to Moony who went on this journey with me even if, as usual, I steamrolled ahead. A bit. Oops.

[ancientreader · Rating 4 out of 5]

I tagged this as having characterization problems because even though the POV is Justin's and we're privy to his self-lacerating unhappiness, he behaves so badly on several occasions that it becomes difficult to see why Alex and Cork (and his other friends) are so patient with him and so attached to him. What is it that makes up for how he spreads his own suffering all over the people who care for him? Also, the story of his relationship with A&C, and the secondary plot, about his relationship with the work and life of the writer and artist Enrique Hazeltine, felt somewhat squashed together, or another way to put it is that I could see the stitching.

But 4 stars anyway, because Kris Ripper even not in top form is still Kris Ripper, and still has a lot to say, through zir people, about sex, love, kink, commitment, and trust. Ze thinks and feels deeply about those matters, and so helps me think deeply about them too. Also, there's a cameo appearance by Hugh Reynolds, which never goes amiss.

[Terri · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was given an Advance Reader Copy (ARC) in exchange for an honest review.

Awesome, unique story! So delighted I got to read it early!

I have never read a more charmingly frustrating, perversely interesting character as Justin. Readers of Ripper's Scientific Universe series met Justin in Practice Makes Perfect, but it isn't necessary to read that first. (Although it is delightful, for totally different reasons.) As is Ripper's usual, every character is great, and since I've read all the associated stories, it was a treat to see them through Justin's warped lens.

[Roberta Blablanski · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ever read a book with a character that aggravates you so much you want to reach through the pages and strangle them? Justin, the MC of Fail Seven Times, evoked those feelings in me. He actively works against everything he desperately wants, hurting the people closest to him in the process. His internal monologue acknowledges his shitty behavior while his mouth adds fuel to the fire. He even refers to himself as an asshole. ARGH! I'm frustrated all over again as I write this review.

Justin gets opportunity after opportunity after opportunity to be happy but pretends he isn't satisfied unless he's miserable. He's cynical about romance and self-sabotages at every turn. His flaws are hammered into the reader's head in every chapter. Honestly, it got kinda old and boring after a while.

I did appreciate the side plot involving the fictional artist and essayist, Enrico Hazeltine. Hazeltine is so well developed that I was certain he was a real person. (Google says otherwise.) Reading about Justin's infatuation--obsession, really--with Hazeltine added an extra level of interest for me. I really enjoyed reading about his artwork and reading excerpts of his writing. I'd absolutely be interested in reading his story in-depth.

Justin and his partners eventually get their HEA, taking the longest route to get there. (Thanks, Justin.) I did enjoy the unconventional nature of their relationship. I also thoroughly enjoyed the wide range of diverse characters featured in this story.

There is some light BDSM featured in the story that should be noted, if that's something of concern. Those scenes didn't bother me at all.

TL;DR: While some of the story felt repetitive, there were several parts that had me hooked. The story has diverse characters and unconventional relationships, and is worth a read if you're looking for something different in romance story.

[Leigh Kramer · Rating 5 out of 5]

CW: past disordered eating

This best friends to polyamorous lovers contemporary romance is going to have a soft place in my heart for a long time. Justin has long been in love with his childhood best friend Alex but as a gay man, he’s stunned to discover he’s also in love with his college friend and Alex’s girlfriend Jamie.

Justin is a grumpy misanthrope of a man. We’re solely in his POV so whether or not you enjoy this is going to come down to what you make of him. Lucky for me, his curmudgeonly ways worked. It’s so obviously a cover! He’s scared of being seen and, as the story progresses and he begins to understand that Alex and Jamie really want him, he’s scared of losing them. This is pure internal conflict and angst.

Alex and Jamie are both wonderful in their own right. Alex is somewhat of a golden retriever but he also has the ability to speak some hard truths to Justin when he wants to. They’ve been friends for a long time but there are topics they both have avoided until now. Jamie, on the other hand, is more of a live wire. She’s a Domme and more than happy to direct Justin and Alex but she fears that’s all Justin will ever want her for. Their relationship is no less meaningful for not being as long or with the same depth. I loved seeing how this triad came together.

Justin was diagnosed with disordered eating as a teen and he’s worked hard to eradicate that from his life. He has strict routines to make sure things stay balanced. But he’s also riddled with self-hate and punishes himself by keeping everyone besides his best friends at a distance. He’s always horrified to realize he has friends and that they like him. It’s that same dance of wanting to be known and yet being terrified of it.

Justin doesn’t believe he deserves good things. What’s more, he believes he’s dangerous to Alex and Jamie’s happiness and so he tries at various points to stay away or to keep it purely platonic but since they already opened the menage door, it’s very hard to close again. And because they’re all long-time friends, he’s not able to fully hide what he wants. They all know each other too well for that, even if Justin likes to pretend otherwise, and Alex and Jamie know what they could be, if Justin will only give it a chance. While not saints, Alex and Jamie should perhaps not been as patient and understanding as they were. But I’m so glad they held strong and pushed Justin when appropriate and waited it out the rest of the time. It’s hard to imagine these three as anything but a triad.

The other perfect layer came in the form of the (unfortunately not real) deceased queer artist Enrico Hazeltine. Justin is the assistant to an antagonistic Republican artist. When Chad stumbles across Enrico’s masterpiece, he’s inspired to make his next collection. This invites Justin to return to Enrico’s essays and journals, which he discovered as a teen and meant so much to him then. They have new meaning to him now. Ripper managed to create a fully realized artist from the excerpts of his writing to the descriptions of his artwork. In so many ways, this addition felt tailored to my interests. I was absolutely enthralled by the meaning behind Enrico’s legacy as an artist and what the world lost when he died of AIDS. While I’m not certain a character like Chad could be written today, he did function as another way Justin punishes himself and yet there was an interesting arc there as well.

I’ve only read a couple of things by Kris Ripper but this has to be one of the best things ze has ever written. Apparently Justin first appeared in another story so I plan on reading that soon. I’m not ready to be done with my beloved curmudgeon!

Note: Alex likes to wear skirts and dresses and Justin always clarifies that Alex isn’t trans. The first time this happened, I thought it was simply clarifying for people who might want to know Alex’s pronouns. It became a false note the second time it happened. They live in the Bay Area where people are constantly questioning gender expression norms. Why was Justin so insistent about clarifying this and what did it matter? The author is trans and I can’t surmise how ze saw those instances but I wanted to mention it as a heads up in case that’s a sensitive issue for anyone thinking of reading this.


Characters: Justin is a 32 year old queer white agnostic Jewish artist assistant. Alex is a 32 year old bisexual white frozen yogurt shop supervisor and amateur entomologist. Jamie is a 32 year old queer white Irish contract law attorney and Domme. Alex and Jamie have been together for 5 years and are polyamorous. Justin and Alex have been best friends for 27 years. They met Jamie their freshman year of college. This is set in East Bay and Saints, CA.

Content notes: past disordered eating Justin was diagnosed with non-purging bulimia as a teen; Jamie also dealt with bulimia. Neither experience relapses in this story but Justin thinks about and shies away from talking about this history quite a bit, especially in terms of whether he’s evolved into other destructive or restrictive habits., profile of artist who died of AIDS (lots of discussion of the AIDS epidemic), nightmare about dead bodies, accidental physical assault Alex grabs Justin’s arm while he’s trying to leave and Justin knocks him off of him but Alex falls. This did not read as intimate partner violence to me; merely an accident., past hospitalization for disordered eating, homophobic and possibly racist boss (occasional microaggressions), secondary character “jokes” about dying by suicide, past bullying, past parental abandonment (Justin’s dad left when he was 3), parental estrangement (FMC’s father repeatedly described as asshole but no specifics), secondary character in wheelchair, on page sex, D/s, MMF menage, objectification kink, impact play, pain play, bondage, alcohol, inebriation, hangover, past smoker (Justin), STI stigma, gendered pejoratives, gender essentialist language, ableist language, JK Rowling reference, reference to past drug use (secondary character), reference to past fatshaming

[Katie (Romance Novel Quotes)]

I'm still thinking about this one after a few days. I just thought it was incredibly powerful, and somehow it felt so expansive even though it's fairly contained in terms of plot. It made me think and cry and pause and I felt changed and hopeful at the end of it, which is about all I can ask for out of any book.

[Kikkibird · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gah 😭😭😭

[dobbs the dog · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really liked this book and completely blew through it.

While I read almost in one day, it wasn't exactly an easy read. The MC, Justin, has some fairly flawed opinions of himself and it was interesting to see how everything played out. I especially found the discussions and his realizations around disordered eating to be really interesting. It's not something that I've ever experienced, so I appreciate how it was talked about and the ideas around power and control.

I really loved how the art project he was working on (working as an artist's assistant) both mirrored and impacted on Justin's life. There were so many bits about the author or things that he said that so clearing mirrored how Justin's life was, but then when he was finally able to see that and understand what he needed to change; very good. Well done Kris Ripper.

Honestly, I read this a couple of days ago and I'm still thinking about the characters and the story. I will definitely read this one again.

[Nat · Rating 5 out of 5]

Nothing ever feels like a Kris Ripper book does and that is a problem.

[Gretchen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was given an advance copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

Content notes: contains BDSM, homophobia, deep reflections on men lost to HIV/AIDS, combining alcohol and sex and (to a lesser degree) alcohol and BDSM.

This is a very thoughtful, sweet, gentle poly romance that gets in deep with the (frequently aggravatingly prickly) protagonist, Justin. Justin is gay, kind of a jerk, and in love with his best friend Alex--and Alex's girlfriend Jamie. The worst part? They're in love with him, too. Cue a great deal of angst on the part of Justin trying to come to grips with being able to have nice things but not really feeling like he understands them or deserves them. I can relate, buddy.

This book has lots of relatable feelings, some very sweet home repair, reflections on recovering queer history, snarky banter, awkward sex scenes (my JAM), non-sexual BDSM, and dealing with who you are and who you want to be, and who will best fit with you in all of your spiky obnoxious pigheadedness.

The romance in this book was good especially if long, difficult relationship talks and people who are bad at and afraid of feelings are your thing. For me, though, the two aspects of this book that were incredibly moving were: the BDSM scene between Justin and his mostly-lesbian friend Madison, and Justin's deep connection to (fictional) gay artist Enrico Hazeltine, whose work captures the imagination of Justin's very conservative artist boss, and who died of HIV/AIDS in the 80s.

The BDSM scene I'm referring to is just such a sweet, caring, funny interaction between two people who are just... lonely and craving connection with someone who gets them. Madison's giggles at Justin's junk were particularly dear to my heart, and the sense of community that scene brought up was so so wonderful. BDSM can be such a powerful connecting force, and from zir other work I knew Ripper understands this deeply, but seeing it in a totally platonic setting like this was just so hugely appreciated.

The Hazeltine story is peppered throughout the book, and allows the story to reflect deeply on Justin's connection to gay history, and gives a very sweet wrap-up at the end for the power of art to change people (at least a little bit). Justin's read into Hazeltine's diaries, and his research into Hazeltine's death and the photographs he asked his closest community to take of his body, really resonated powerfully for me. I cried so much reflecting on the loss of most of a generation of men, of the art and perspective we lost during the 80s. Seeing Justin remember his youth as a young gay man knowing some of the story of Hazeltine, then see him come back to a deeper reflection on him as an adult, was such a special aspect of this book for me that it almost overshadowed the romance (which is what I was here for to begin with).

In all, I ended up feeling a bit over Justin (he was my least favorite character in Practice Makes Perfect, and I did groan a little to learn we were getting a book about him). His attitude and personality were off-putting for me at first and sometimes made it hard for me to stick with him. However, I got a deeper understanding of him, and to be honest his faults and mistakes make him a more interesting protagonist. I liked this book a lot.

[Cat M · Rating 5 out of 5]

I usually review books right after I read them, but I read this one on vacation and then the next two weeks were...a lot. So, belated review time!

I ADORED this book, and I highly recommend it, but it is not an easy read.

cw: discussion of past eating disorders, present self-loathing, self-sabotage and (non-physical) self-harm from pov character, a lot of discussion of and meditation on death from HIV/AIDS and the effects of that epidemic on the queer community, and particularly on those of us who came of age in the age of retrovirals.

Fail Seven Times is the kind of book where almost all of the conflict is internal to the pov character, who self-identifies as an asshole, and yet it’s incredibly compelling and compulsively readable.

Justin Simos has been in love with his best friend Alex since they were kids. He’s also discovering that, despite having in the past identified as a “gold star gay”, he’s more than a little in love with Alex’s girlfriend Jamie. Which should make things easy. Alex and Jamie are non-monogamous, and have clearly and repeatedly indicated that they want to be in a romantic and sexual relationship with him.

But Justin doesn’t think he deserves nice things. He is firmly convinced that he is an irredeemable asshole. He thinks Alex and Jamie deserve better than him, despite all of their arguments otherwise.

I found Justin’s self-loathing very difficult, in part because it is an all-too-familiar and believable feeling. And what I love most is the way Ripper writes Justin’s self-loathing and self-sabotage as a form of self-harm.

Justin is recovering from a teenage eating disorder, and slowly over the course of the book he comes to realize that, as so many people do, he has just replaced one form of disordered behaviour with another.

While most of the conflict occurs inside Justin’s head and manifests in his interactions with Alex and Jamie, it takes a lot more than their love for Justin to sort his shit out. It takes the unlikely friendships he found with the other attendees of the “BDSM and dating” workshop Alex and Jamie talked him into pre-book. And it takes his conservative boss’s unexpected infatuation with the gay artist Justin idolized as a teen.

Justin works as assistant to a talented sculptor with unfortunate politics. One day Chad sees the most famous work of Enrico Hazeltine, a gay AIDS activist and artist who died in the early nineties, and falls in artistic love. Chad has no idea who Hazeltine was, he doesn’t even know he’s dead, he just knows that Hazeltine’s art enlightens and inspires him.

Chad’s newfound interest in Hazeltine inspires Justin to revisit Hazeltine’s diaries, which he read over and over as an awkward gay teenager. And it’s through that reread and through his adult re-evaluation of that lost reunion and its influence on him and his community that he starts to re-evaluate his relationship with himself.

Justin never entirely stops being an asshole, his relationship with Alex and Jamie (both great characters in their own right) is probably never going to be entirely easy, but seeing him slowly realize that this thing he’s wanted for so long is something he’s allowed and deserves to have makes for a very satisfying read.

[Vendela · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oh, this book was lovely. Very queer, very heartfelt, very sexy. Highly recommended.

[tillie hellman · Rating 5 out of 5]

a really lovely book (my definition of lovely) that literally has no plot or conflict besides the main character getting in his own goddamn way (kinda giving tam from yield imo). but like really great characters, lovely relationships, very sexy and hot, and just like great nonlinear development? of both the mc and their relationship. i really like when things don’t just progress forwards or progress forwards except for the third act breakup. this was more of an up and down which i thought rlly worked. loved the conversation about art/queer art/AIDS etc, that really fleshed out the mc for me. just lovely scenes and settings too. def will read more by this author!

[Mireille Duval]

I'm just over characters creating problems for themselves out of thin air. These two people love you and you love them! Where is the drama?!

[Silvia]

That's a dnf boys :( i just didn't care a whole lot for the character dynamics and i couldn't always follow the writing

[Patty · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book pushed the limits on my ideas about romance. I was glad to get to the HEA.

[Liz Derrington · Rating 5 out of 5]

Justin has a problem. His two best friends, Alex and Jamie, seem to want something from him--something Justin doesn’t feel he can give them. Alex and Jamie have been happily coupled for about five years, and the three of them spent a wild, drunken night together a few years ago. Fail Seven Times picks up as they have a second kinky threesome--this time entirely sober. But Justin feels like he’s on the outside looking in at Alex and Jamie’s perfect relationship, and he can’t see a place for himself as more than their friend. He knows he’d just mess everything up. He knows his best friends deserve better.

Meanwhile, the artist for whom Justin works as an assistant is creating a major project inspired by the work of Enrico Hazeltine. Hazeltine died of AIDS in 1991, and Justin fell in love with him through Hazeltine’s writing when Justin was a troubled adolescent. His boss’s project throws Justin back into Hazeltine’s writings, which get Justin thinking about queerness, and community, and mortality. Most importantly, they bring Justin back to his central question: How could someone like him--snarky, bitter, obsessed with control--deserve true love?

I enjoy the “friends become lovers” and “a couple becomes a triad” tropes, and I’ve particularly enjoyed them as Kris Ripper implemented them in previous novels. As I expected, ze put those tropes to great use here. What caught me off guard, though, was the intensity of Justin’s self-loathing. As someone who has at times had a hard time believing I’m worthy of love, it was difficult watching Alex and Jamie try so hard to love Justin, only to have him push them away. I struggled with whether or not to give the book a five-star rating, because sometimes reading it just hurt too much. In the end, though, I went with five stars, since it was clear that everything I was feeling was exactly what Ripper was trying to make me feel.

As was true in the other two books of zirs I’ve read, I love the community of queer folks and kinksters that Ripper has created on the page here. I also love the beach house Jamie, Alex, and Justin are fixing up, as both a set piece and as a metaphor. Good, good stuff all around.

Note: I was provided with a copy of Fail Seven Times in exchange for an honest review.

[Cleo · Rating 3 out of 5]

3 1/2 stars. I think. I enjoyed this queer, poly kinky romance, although I think I like the idea of it more than I enjoyed reading it.

It’s a sequel to Practice Makes Perfect and is part of the author’s Scientific Method Universe. Technically it’s stand alone but I think It makes much more sense if you’ve read PMP. The main character (and 1st person pov narrator) Justin was introduced in PMP - in PMP he makes a decision that leads directly to the opening scene of Fail Seven Times. And honestly, even though I read PMP first, I still felt like there was half a chapter missing from the beginning of the book.

It’s written from Justin’s pov and he’s full of self loathing and honestly it was hard to be in his head sometimes. The whole conflict is that he’s in love with his two best friends (a queer, poly couple) and thinks he’s unworthy. His main character arc is figuring out how to let people love him and like him.

There’s quite a bit of sex in this book and typical of Kris Ripper, some is really sexy, some is really emotional and some is meh. But all of it moves the plot and their relationship as a triad.

[Jenn · Rating 2 out of 5]

I nearly didn't complete this so many times. I do appreciate that it's realistic but for me it's just a bit get with it already..

[Jackie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Another 2018 book that slipped to the bottom of my TBR pile, one I'm regretting I didn't read sooner.

The book opens rather abruptly, and confusingly, with first-person narrator, twenty-seven year-old Justin Simos, in the midst of his second sexual three-way with his two best friends, Alex (whom he's known since they were misfit kids together) and Jamie, Alex's girlfriend. The three (who seem to be all white, but their race/ethnicity is never directly referenced) have been friends since college, but since Alex and Jamie became romantically involved five years earlier, Jus has been trying not to feel left out, nursing his longstanding crush on Alex in private while entertaining himself by engaging in emotion-free sex with a series of one-night stands. Their first three-way took place while they were under the influence of alcohol, but now, Jus is frighteningly sober. And when this scene ends, Jus runs away ("I had to get out of there before I ripped myself apart on the ragged edge where pity met love and became... whatever the hell we'd just done [Kindle Loc 211]). Because "This was not an after school special, The Misanthrope Learns to Love, for fuck's sake" [216].

Yeah, that's a lot of backstory to try and unpack during an opening scene! Luckily, the rest of the story unfolds at a far more conventional pace, moving between scenes set at Jus's work (he's the assistant to a successful, and politically conservative, artist) and scenes between Jus with Alex & Jamie in Oakland and at the dilapidated California coast beach cottage Jamie is working to remodel with Jus and Alex's help.

Alex and Jamie are more than willing to let Jus enter their sexual, and romantic, circle. But Jus is, as they say, a hot mess, too afraid of losing their friendship to risk going for something more. He's given up the eating disorder that he used during adolescence to help him feel control over his world, but has replaced it with something equally harmful: keeping tight control over his deepest feelings. Not that Jus himself sees the pattern of his behavior, but it becomes gradually obvious to the reader as acerbic, occasionally cruel Jus keeps trying to keep himself from becoming romantically entangled with the two people he loves most in the world.

Usually I get annoyed by characters who feel that they aren't worthy of the people whom they love, but Jus's self-denigration isn't just a plot device to create fake conflict; it's at the heart of Jus's maladjusted self-image. He's biting and mean to others, but he's worse to himself, believing he's a person who is too much of an asshole, and too sexually kinky, for anyone to really care for, a person who is constitutionally unable to build a romantic relationship with anyone, a person who ruins everything. Ripper shows readers that he's clearly something more, not only by showing us the love and patience both Alex and Jamie have for him, but also via the book's sub-plot, which focuses on his employer's sudden fascination with an artist from the 1980s—an artist who, as a major queer activist and a writer, had a huge impact on Jus as a teen. Re-engaging with this artist's writing leaves Jus a bit more emotionally engaged, and vulnerable, than he's used to being—which in turn primes him to be a little more open to the possibilities that loving Jamie and Alex present.

If only other people in real life were willing to give us seven chances to fail and try again before we get our emotional lives in order, as do Alex and Jamie for Jus...

[Bumblebee · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really like Ripper’s books so I read this one as soon as I saw it was available, even though a bi poly romance didn’t sound like exactly my cup of tea. As always, the characters are interesting, complicated people going about their queer lives, struggling both with romantic issues and also the more mundane problems daily life. Justin, the MC, first appeared in another Scientific Method universe book but I don’t think you’d have to have read it to enjoy and fully understand this one. It’s all written in first person from Justin’s perspective which makes an otherwise maybe not very likable character much more sympathetic. He has convinced himself that he is an asshole unworthy and incapable of love. Except he is in love with his two best friends and they are in love with him. Much angsty back and forth ensues as they work out their little poly threesome. Sex and kink are present but pretty secondary to other aspects of their relationship. There is also an interesting subplot involving the artist Justin works for and his fascination with a deceased artist and AIDS activist. So many queer romance type books seem to exist in their own apolitical fantasy universe. Something about a character googling to find out who Jesse Helms was makes the story seem more real and relevant. I liked the nod to queer history.

I didn’t see myself in Justin the way I’ve seen myself in other of Ripper’s characters but sometimes a book is more about generating empathy for people unlike ourselves rather that offering recognition. I’d recommend.

[Pernilla · Rating 4 out of 5]

I generally get bored by contemporary stories, but I liked this book. It's very positive about being queer and also it's about polyamoury, and does it very honestly. I could have lived without the BDSM (which I didn't know about before I picked up the book), because that is not really my thing, but I kind of understand it, and I didn't mind it. I also got really annoyed with Justin's hot-and-cold, I-want-this-but-I-can't-do-this vacillations, possibly because I've been on the receiving end of it more times than I care to think about, and not with any of the certainty that Jamie and Alex seem to possess. It's kind of romantic that they keep being patient, keep being there for him while he runs away and comes back and runs away again, but at some point I just felt that he was an insensitive jerk, however much I could identify with him (or possibly because of it). I get that he was pretty messed up and struggling with himself, but it just got a tad too much. But there were lots of positive things about the book too, so that was a win, although I probably won't pick up any other books in the series.

[Ollie Z Book Minx · Rating 3 out of 5]

cw: transmisia including conflation of gender with genitalia

a fairly engaging read overall but about 50pp too long. I needed more from Justin. not saying his anxiety wasn’t valid but there wasn’t much in the way of underpinning for what felt like a tragic backstory setup—like why did he think he was so terrible?? I also would’ve liked to see some healthier coping mechanisms and actual support. like Alex and Jamie are great at reading him and trying to get through but I think he’s have benefitted from more than an awkward convo during Hugh’s cameo.

also it’s just hella fucking jarring to read a book by an author I know is trans and have the pov character equate men & penises, women & vaginas—not to mention rushing to clarify wrt his cismale bff who likes to wear skirts that “he’s not trans or anything”

[Shelly Cerullo · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a kinda odd experience for me, because I LOVED everything that Ripper was trying to say about queer art and community and family building, and yet the main romance fell a little flat for me, because Alex and Jamie always felt a bit like cyphers. idk, idk. I liked it a lot, obviously! But I may need to sit on my reaction a bit and revisit this book later, because I feel like I accidentally missed something, because Ripper’s character building is one of hir greatest strengths by far!

[Gabi · Rating 4 out of 5]

I don't even know what this was, a spinoff of a spinoff? Probably doesn't matter - regardless, it was adorable. The protagonist is just, SO determined to be disliked and unlovable. And literally no one around him will let him get away with it. It's pretty great. There was something really comforting to me in this book - the way his partners stood by him, rock solid, was just... I don't know. Beautiful.

[bookcookery]

It’s great to see misanthropes find a happy ending, especially one whose emotions feel more fully realized than the typical romance grump. However, the toxic dynamic between Alex and Justin, combined with the shallowness of Alex’s character arc compared to Justin and Jamie’s growth, made it hard to root for their relationship. The love story also paled in comparison to the Hazeltine subplot, one of the more compelling workplace narratives I’ve come across in a romance novel.