Anxious Church, Anxious People: How to Lead Change in an Age of Anxiety

by Jack Shitama

This is not a technique. It is a way of being. It is deceptively simple, but tremendously difficult. Yet, if you are willing to take the journey, you can lead change in even the most challenging contexts. Read this book and you will
•The process that keeps churches anxious and stuck.
•How leadership through self-differentiation gets churches unstuck.
•How to develop as a non-anxious presence so you can lead change anywhere, but especially in an anxious church.

Anxious Church, Anxious People is based on a family systems approach to congregational leadership. It is for church leaders who are willing to learn more about themselves and their family of origin so they can be a non-anxious presence. It will resonate with those who have tried everything else and realize that they cannot change others, but can only change themselves. It makes family systems concepts accessible and practical through the use of examples from personal experience.

The author has used this approach to leadership in his 26 years of ministry as a pastor, board chair and ministry executive. It has enabled him to lead significant change in the local church, a regional ministry and a denominational professional association. He has been teaching, mentoring and coaching congregational leaders for the last 15 years to help them to do the same.

Genres: Leadership

152 pages, Kindle Edition

Published May 11, 2018

About the author

Jack Shitama has been leading change in ministry settings since 1991. He has led growth in small churches. He guided the transformation of a professional association. He proposed and executed a plan for the sale and replacement of a beloved denominational institution. Jack is an ordained United Methodist minister and the founding Minister-in-Residence of the Center for Clergy Excellence in Centreville, MD. Jack and his wife, Jodi, have four adult children and one grandchild. They live with no kids and no pets on Maryland’s Eastern Shore.

Reviews

[Jon Beadle]

Family systems theory is one of the most helpful tools for managing my own anxiety, as well as the practice of self-differentiation. High recommend.

[Sammie Hargrave]

The good was worthy of 5 stars. The bad worthy of 1

[Janell Downing]

Every church library needs to have 10 copies of this little book. Writing from the perspective of Family Systems Theory, Jack Shitama writes clearly and practically how to see anxious systems in our families and therefore, our churches. Written with grit and hope. I'll be returning to it again and again.

[Kenneth Garrett]

From page one, this is a very useful book for pastors who are leading churches, esp. during this time of Covid19 upheaval and challenge. Highly recommended, for all who want to up their game to create a more healthy relational system in family, work, or church life.

[Clair Culberson]

This book was okay. There were several quotes from the book that I wrote down and will put in this review, however, the book overall was very heady and often difficult to understand for someone who had not worked in or studied any psychology/counseling. I wish the author would have used more examples to bring the information to life. I also found this to read somewhat like a combination between a really long book review over “Generation to Generation”by Edwin Friedman and a really long comercial for family systems therapy. Neither of which seem to relate directly to church ministry, so the whole book felt very loosely related to ministry, and therefore not as practical.

Also as an aside, the author solely used feminine pronouns in his examples. This was not bad, but I am certainly not used to it.

Read quotes below:

“Blaming is a manifestation of our anxiety.”
Chapter 1

“Being a non-anxious presence doesn’t mean you don’t feel anxiety. A non-anxious presence means you contain your own anxiety while staying emotionally connected. It is recognizing the anxiety and then being intentional to express yourself in a non-anxious way. This is called self regulation.” Chapter 1 or 2

“A nonanxious leader is able to maintain her identity in the midst of the surrounding emotional processes… She is able to do this while staying emotionally connected. Further, the non-anxious leader has clarity of vision and values, and can articulate these even as it makes her vulnerable to attack by others. Most importantly, the non-anxious leader is able to persist in a non-reactive way when others in the system work to sabotage her efforts.” Chapter 4

“Healthy emotional space is created when we self define, stay emotionally connected, and give others the freedom to disagree.” Chapter 4

“Vision helps people to imagine a future or preferred reality. It is not a plan. Rather it is a way for the leader to express her values as they apply to the future.” Chapter 5

“A non-anxious leader articulates her vision while giving others the freedom to disagree.” Chapter 5

“Leaders who just say, “this is what I believe” without showing care for those who are upset are missing the point of leadership through self differentiation.” Chapter 7

[Laney Dugan]

This was an easy book to read and, while not bad, I personally didn’t find it the most helpful. I read and greatly appreciated Edwin Friedman’s book A Failure of Nerve several years ago, and this felt like a simplified, slightly repetitive, less nuanced articulation of that. I think there’s a lot to glean from family systems theory, but this book left me with more questions than answers. So I feel like I’ll need to do some more exploring. Whether someone does or does not already have exposure to family systems theory, I’d probably recommend Friedman’s book over this one.

[Marco Ambriz]

Powerful book for any organizational leader or church leader navigating change and conflict.

Jack Shitama does a phenomenal job at connecting organizational health the family systems theory and how that can help leaders to "Do their own work" for their own health and then also relate well to others and lead groups, teams and organizations with health.

[Rev James Driskell]

Effects of change

Outstanding in terms of describing how to deal with change. In my work in doing church renewal I have experienced these effects and the author has articulated what I experienced but really couldn't relate. I am passing this through the levels of leadership on the church!!!!

[Jon Nutter]

Counter Cultural & Counter Intuitive

Burn out, anxiety, leaving the ministry are all symptomatic of the inability to understand and then stand up in the emotional process of leading. So often leaders are taught to focus on content, reasonableness and consensus. This book helps leaders lead themselves.

[Marilyn]

This is a wonderful resource for leaders - particularly church leaders. However, if you are in a family (family of origin, work family, friends that are like family, community family) you would do well to read this. There are so many dynamics behind challenges, and Rev. Shitama does a good job of breaking these dynamics down into understandable parts.

[Sharon L. S. Cook]

An eminently readable application of Family Systems Theory, particularly in a church environment. But it applies to all leaders. I work with the author, and I expected the book to be good. I did not expect to dog-ear and underline as many pages and passages as I did.

[Bethany Stewart]

Quick read. As with most self helps books not really any new information. He focuses a lot on getting yourself help before trying to help others. Does focus on relationships and how to navigate those within the church - especially from a leadership perspective.

[Annalyse Erbst]

Helpful framework for living as a self-differentiated leader and person, citing all sorts of info on family systems. Outlines underlying social power dynamics and shows clear problem/solution, consistently returning to the idea: be a non-anxious, self differentiated presence.

[Joseph]

Must read for church leaders

In an age of increasing anxiety with the overconnectedness of our world to anxious news from around the world, this book helps us see our need to be more self-aware and non-anxious if we ever hope to lead well.

[Lizzie Lowrie]

This is a great book! So helpful and so practical, especially when it comes to handling conflict and change as a leader.

[Dillon Burns]

Excellent read. I had no prior family systems education or experience and am incredibly thankful to have found this book.

[Nikayla Reize]

I'd highly recommend this very accessible book to all church leaders

[Maria Weir]

I recommend this for all kinds of leaders.

[Gregory A. Wiens PhD]

Great contribution to the health of individuals and churches

Shitama gives great insight and handles to understanding anxiety in your own life and the lives of those around you.

[J. J.]

Helpful and clear. Cliffs Notes, in essence, for Friedman’s “Generation to Generation.”

[Bradley Blaylock]

This is a book with extremely helpful points. The concept of self differentiation is freeing and empowering. However, at some points in the book the writing made the book difficult to get through.

[Carol Reynolds]

DNF

[Dave Pettengill]

Great book

This was like a cliff notes version of Generation to Generation. Lots.of.great advice. It is a small book but even then at times it does get redundant

[Brent O'Neill]

Very helpful book as I prepare to step back into pastoral ministry

[Jacob Rutledge]

An excellent short read in which Shitama connects church leadership to family systems theory in way which can be appreciated by anyone (lay or clergy).

[Kari]

Good points. Very psychologically driven, but includes action items for practical use.

[Brad Dell]

Life-changing guidance.

[Mitchell Dixon]

This was good but redundant ad nauseam. Learn about family systems theory, control your own anxiety, reflect and do your work before stressful moments.

[Chris Collier]

Man. Life changing book. Feel like I need to revisit it again. Such good direction for managing conflict. Favorite quote: we have too low a tolerance for other people’s pain/discomfort.