What About the Rest of Your Life

by Sung Yim

In their soaring and urgent debut memoir, Sung Yim captures a sleepy sad slice of Americana recognizable to anyone who’s driven past a strip mall at midnight. Equal parts grim and buoyant, here is an intimate portrait of trauma, family, addiction, and body. What About the Rest of Your Life exposes the harrowing terrain where there is no boundary between love and abuse. Unapologetically raw, Yim reinvents the recovery narrative through an immigrant's lens.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Queer, Poetry, LGBT, Biography Memoir, Race

208 pages, ebook

First published November 3, 2017

Reviews

[Mason · Rating 5 out of 5]

in an email to their publisher, included in the text, Sung expresses hesitance about writing a memoir as they feel writing a memoir while still in recovery denies a sense of closure usually inherent and demanded by the genre. What About The Rest Of Your Life makes the case for breaking that rule. Sung has a poet's command of language and imagery, deftly examining their complicated relationship to body, experience, race, recovery, and love. pls buy

[Savannah Tracy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a beautiful and extremely hard book- I think my mistake was reading too many memoirs about intimate partner violence and abuse in a row, which isn’t this book’s fault! One of the author’s anxieties about the book is that they aren’t “complete” in their journey at the time of writing. I think this book is a powerful meditation in the cyclical and sometimes forever-unresolved nature of dealing with and healing from trauma. The memoir covers a LOT, is exquisitely written, and I’m glad I read it.

[jasmine sun · Rating 4 out of 5]

told myself no more sad books; well i lied

most of this is devastating but it ends on the kind of perfect optimism that doesn’t kid itself about reality

“Love is allowing ourselves to be fooled, not being fooled. Leaving ourselves open to hurt, not the hurt itself. Leaving ourselves open to delusion, not delusion itself. It's not a guarantee, it's the act of promising. The breathtaking act of hope. It's the stupid high-stakes gamble that pays off. It's a whisper of touch. It's a window flung open and naked to the day.”

[Dakota Sillyman · Rating 5 out of 5]

'What About the Rest of Your Life' is a memoir unlike any other I've read. It is as if Sung has written a brilliant character study of themself. It is deeply honest and introspective, bringing with it a rollercoaster of emotions. It is not often an author takes me from full blown anxiety to laughter in the course of a few pages.

This could have easily been a redemtion story with a happy ending and a little bow on the top. A story about someone who has a difficult life growing up, but with the help of a therapist and significant other they overcome their obstacles and become #happy. But 'What About the Rest of of Your Life' is too honest for that. Instead we are privy to Sung's life as it is. Things get better, but only little by little. Therapists are expensive. Significant others can't fix everything. Even when the bed bugs are gone they can still come back.

[Jaime · Rating 5 out of 5]

currently crying on the bus after finishing this. beautifully written and don’t currently have the words

[Melissa · Rating 3 out of 5]

Favorite passage: “Love is not a white lie. It doesn’t fill the cracks and make bad things beautiful or ok. Love is allowing ourselves to be fooled, not being fooled. Leaving ourselves open to being hurt, not hurt itself. Leaving ourselves open to delusion, not delusion itself. It’s not a guarantee, it’s the act of promising. The breathtaking act of hope. It’s the stupid high-stakes gamble that pays off. It’s a whisper of touch. It’s a window flung open and naked to the day.”

[Hannah]

to think i picked this up blind at a bookstore and then read it in one day!

[Adrian Chiem · Rating 5 out of 5]

I feel as though I may vomit from the anxiety I felt as I read this book, and I may choose to never pick it up again for that reason. But Sung is unbelievably unrelenting and piercing in their storytelling. I feel myself rooting for them, and aching with hope.

[Olivia Russo · Rating 5 out of 5]

so raw & so real. i loved this book way more than i thought i would. it felt special to read their story, messiness and all. loved the ending.

[Angela · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love this memoir so fucking much. I read it only once before lending it to a friend then losing it forever, which I regret so deeply. Not the lending to a friend, but rather my lack of tenacity in clawing it back into my collection... Because while work this painfully honest, resonant, and beautiful - especially to asian-american queers of the diaspora - should be shared and spread, like the seed of genghis khan, we should always remember who it belongs to (asian-american, specifically korean-american queers, like the seed of genghis khan). Despite only having read it once, almost an entire year ago, I can still recollect the majority of this work because of the degree of impact it had on me.

I loved this book so much because it articulated all the pain in myself I couldn't bear to examine, nor had the language with which to communicate it even if I could have examined it. Sung turned their wounds into art, but still managed to forbid the reader from romanticizing or elevating their trauma or their pain. I wept as I read this book, because in Sung telling their truth, they also told mine.

I love this book so much because I never though something like this could ever exist for me in the english language. I love this book so much because despite all of Sung's fallibility and their spiraling and their surrender to their trauma, they are still soft, so loving, and trying, always trying so hard, to heal.

I love this book so much that I still vividly remember how I tracked down Sung Yim on twitter so I could DM them about how much I loved (still love) their memoir. They were exceedingly kind and gracious and their tweets were so real and so funny. I'm very sad every day that their twitter account is gone, because that is how starved I am for content from this artist, this luminary.

Edit: Sung is back on Twitter! Yay! (@killdads)

[Salvatore Daddario · Rating 3 out of 5]

Hmm. The last book I read (On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous) was a gutting, beautiful look into the dark spaces of being a human. This book was the same, so that might be why I was feeling a bit exhausted by it. It was a fine read, but I kept wanting to make progress on it so I could start reading the rest of the books that I have in my social distancing stack.

It was very poetic in its structure (some pages are just paragraphs, some are emails, some are structured like dictionary entries, etc) and I liked that variety. But, there is not really a plot ... at all. And the character development, I thought, was a bit haphazard. I did not really trust the narrator, who is the author themselves, and there were times when I was confused about what exactly was going on.

I was also excited to read a bit more about the author's queer experience, but the reader did not get to see much of that. I think if you're looking for a beautiful, aching read, try On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous. And, if you loved it, you'll click with this, too. Where I am right now, I wanted a book with a more driving plot, not one that looped in circles, and I did not find that here.

Edit: Okay, I also want to note that I did not know it was a memoir going into it. I have never read a memoir before. I feel bad for writing this review because so many people loved this book? I did not hate it. But I did not love it like I have loved others ... A Little Life, On Earth, etc.

[Abby Outterson · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book handled heavy topics, but gave me hope. It reads a little like a diary of someone who is depressed and suffering from ptsd, sorting through the experiences of family and immigration trauma, being bullied, having an eating disorder, and being repeatedly abused. Sung Yim has written a brutally honest memoir, exposing themself with a vulnerability that may seem misguided to some, but courageous to others. They weave in therapy sessions with memories of abuse, chronological ordering of events with spurts of emotion or definitions that don’t at first seem entirely relevant. The style is similar to Her Body and Other Parties, but more cohesive. I felt more connected to this book and the author’s experience. I liked this author, a lot, though they did made their faults very clear. The book almost reads as a love letter to the author’s husband, Bryan, who is shown accepting Sung patiently, immediately and repeatedly, even when Sung breaks a precious ceramic bowl in a trauma- induced fit. The author seems to ask in this book, am I worth loving? And though they do not have a clear answer, they have written a reminder of all the companionship and love they have had and still have: the traditional Korean dishes cooked by their Mother, their Father’s aid, the stoner friend, the friend who stays until Bryan gets home, and of course, the husband who rides out the tantrums and the bed bugs alike. This is a special story of trauma, weakness, anguish, abandonment, strength, and love. All of these things are woven together in a way that rings of truth. There is no clarity to be found; only the will to continue, and with it the possibility of being willfully loved.

[Carson · Rating 5 out of 5]

My coworker came over to me about a week ago and plopped this book in my hand saying, "I think you'd like this book." I generally don't read memoirs, but this one intrigued me. The formation of the book was interesting, how there were small paragraphs and prose throughout. One of my favorite things about this was how they told a complete story in fragments and blips of different times throughout their life.
The writing felt so raw, so genuine and vulnerable. It made me laugh and cry and cut a hole through my heart. It is truly a book on healing and heartbreak and recovering, and illustrates that those things are never easy or linear. It was messy and real. Although I couldn't relate to absolutely everything in the book, everything felt sympathetic. I fell in love with this author and wanted to give them a brain hug whilst reading because I have felt so many similar things.
It was so tender and earnest and absolutely beautiful. I love how self-aware and prosey it was. The combination of poetry and memoir. I loved it loved it.

[Ville Verkkapuro · Rating 4 out of 5]

Bought this book from a bookstore in Chicago, because there were so good reviews and recommendations. The clerk said that it’s a really good one.
I loved the structure and the prose. I liked the lenght, and the cover. A perfect book in a way. Mixture between prose and poetry. Reminded me of Joan Didion, there was also a hint of A Little Life.
It was heartbreaking, raw and true. Still, it was beautiful to me.
Reading this in Logan Square was perfect. I have a feeling this book will stay with me forever.

[Carina Stopenski · Rating 5 out of 5]

this memoir encapsulates the complicated entanglement of love, trauma, and codependency in a remarkable way. yim’s frenetic narrative style coupled with the ennui of drug-addled small town life is mesmerizing, capturing the mundane reality of their experiences with true poignancy. the short segments are not only easy to digest, but help set a pace wherein time is fluid and things move differently. yim’s words are powerful, and through their honesty and critical evaluation of self, a real gem of literary nonfiction has developed.

[Delia Rainey · Rating 5 out of 5]

woweeee i could not stop reading. this memoir rlly tore me up. a fragmented form of beautiful and crushing prose abt american boredom, immigrant experience and family, and surviving an abusive relationship. i admire the awareness here how complicated it feels to write abt ur trauma that is still ongoing.

[nikita · Rating 4 out of 5]

And then a few more hours later and it's been read. I would give this a tentative 4.5. It was beautiful and raw and painful. I have to read it again (or at least parts) to fully grasp it. I am a sucker for memoirs and this one was so honest and sincere. I loved how it truly was for themselves and a way to process their trauma. I am glad I own this one because I do see myself going back to it!

[Rae Phoenix · Rating 5 out of 5]

The best book I have read this year.

[theresa · Rating 5 out of 5]

a stunning memoir by a trans Korean-American immigrant author in Chicago that forever changes the way i think about trauma, love, and addiction

[shiran · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Love is not a white lie. It’s not a guarantee, it’s the act of promising. The breathtaking act of hope. It’s the stupid high-stakes gamble that pays off. It’s a whisper of touch."

[marisol · Rating 5 out of 5]

:(

[Kate Learson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Sad and angsty! They are a beautiful writer. I’m so glad I never hated myself this much. I am looking forward to the next time I eat rice.

[Tammy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Best book I’ve read this year. I have been searching and searching for a memoir that feels like it’s written “in the middle” of things. Not afterwards, when everything makes sense. Everything is wrapped up in a pretty bow. Because that’s not what life usually feels like. Thanks for writing that book. The book in the middle.

[Caroline Lampinen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love this book so so much.

[haven koehler · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5⭐️

[Nora Molinaro · Rating 5 out of 5]

Easily the best memoir I’ve ever read. At one point, I dropped the book with my jaw on the floor. At other times, I cried but had to continue. I also wrote ‘hahaha’ in the margins and underlined most sentences.

[Hans Otterson]

As a rule, I'm not attracted to memoir, but I picked this book up when I stopped by the Perfect Day Publishing booth at Wordstock in Portland. It caught my attention because Perfect Day are also the publishers of Martha Grover's The End of My Career, which I loved. I suppose I didn't realize Perfect Day only published memoir*, and that this was a memoir, until I started reading it. I'm disclaiming because I want you to know I'm probably not the target audience here.

What About the Rest of Your Life is an effortless narrative. It reads sorta like a polished personal journal, with entries scrubbed of time- and date-stamps and rearranged the better to make a story. It's about addiction, and trauma, and the immigrant experience, and abusive white men, and the faint stirring of hope--as experienced by our narrator, Sung.

I enjoyed reading it. There are a couple excellent passages. In light of the outrageous superlatives on the book's back cover--"fucking brilliant", "the voice of a generation", "You have to read this right goddamn now"--that may be read as faint praise, but I mean what I say, no more and no less.

On the whole, though, it doesn't come together for me as a memorable experience. Maybe it's that Sung seems to throw around structural experimentation with little regard for the impact their spontaneous admixture will have on the reader (I was interested at first, but after I while I realized they weren't going anywhere, they were just tricks to keep my attention). Maybe it's that the language often strains too far in search of profundity, not being content with being what it is, seeing an experience for what it is. In many places I crossed out sentences that ended paragraphs or sections, feeling that the better ending was earlier, and more understated. Maybe it's that I was looking for its themes to wrap around the narrative more tightly. In a passage around the middle of the book, Sung emails the publisher, unsure of the narrative they're writing, unsure if trying to communicate a sense of being in-progress, of unfinished-ness within the structure of a narrative (a structure which necessarily creates expectations in the reader of a character that will change) is a worthy or possible pursuit. I loved this. I wish this had been explored more. Beyond a light-touch mention at the end, it isn't.

*In my defense, Grover's volume of stories reads much more like fiction than your typical nonfiction.

[Sam · Rating 5 out of 5]

I experienced every emotion I needed to while reading What About the Rest of Your Life. I was brought to tears, laughed countless of times and was moved beyond comprehension because my brain has yet to be able to wrap it's own brain around things I felt while this book was in my hands.

[Vicky · Rating 4 out of 5]

A 4-star feeling when I started this book in July last year, a 3-star feeling when I finished it today.

The starfish lost another arm because of where I am at right now than because of Sung Yim's writing, which is definitely as "raw" as everyone says it is, and "fresh" ("as I pretzel into an impossible knot"), and with moments like their mother telling them, "You ruined our family," and the interlude letters to the editor (of this book) near the end, I completely relate to the pressure of trying to prove you have grown as a "character" but the reality is you feel like you are still in the same place as before, except fighting bed bugs, on top of other shit. This is not a feel-good book. I was personally thinking of Macaulay Culkin struggling with his book, Junior, as well as Chloe Caldwell's Women (thematically? style-wise?).

Part of the baggage I am bringing as a reader is that Sung Yim reminds me too much of two friends I am not currently talking to, due to the stalemate that is apathy for one and anger for the other, and I am recommending this book to both of them, if they see this.

[Karen · Rating 5 out of 5]

PopSugar 2021: Your favorite prompt from a past POPSUGAR Reading Challenge (Recommended by someone you just met)
So this isn’t an easy book to read. The words on the page flow every which way, and there are times where I would be reading only to realize Sung Yim had moved on to another point and I had missed that moment. But I loved that. I love the fact that it was more stream of consciousness and you went from one place to another and then back to the first place then moved on to some place else and so on. So not for everyone. It is beautiful and I hope to reread it soon.

I wish more people knew about it. I found out about this story when I went to a Zoom presented by Volumes Books in Chicago. The owner of the bookstore said this book was their best-selling book for a year. After that I found it online and bought it and I have no regrets.