White Picket Fences: Turning toward Love in a World Divided by Privilege

by Amy Julia Becker

We need honest conversations about privilege.
As an affluent white woman with southern roots and an Ivy League education, Amy Julia Becker considers what it means to be a person of privilege. She comes to believe that privilege harms everyone—those who are excluded from it and those who benefit from it. Her insights into privilege are rounded out by her experience as the mother of a child with special needs fighting against diminished expectations and withheld opportunities for her daughter. Amy Julia reminds us that the white picket fences that seem pristine and good can also prevent us from knowing and loving our neighbors as we experience the messy, complicated beauty and sorrow of the world.

White Picket Fences is an invitation to respond to privilege with generosity, humility, and hope. This book opens us to questions we are afraid to ask, so that we can walk further from fear and closer to love, in all its fragile and mysterious possibilities.

Genres: Nonfiction, Race, Christian, Faith, Book Club, Christian Living, Justice

217 pages, Kindle Edition

Published October 2, 2018

About the author

Amy Julia Becker is the author of To Be Made Well: An Invitation to Wholeness, Healing, and Hope, which releases in March 2022. She is also the author of White Picket Fences: Turning toward Love in a World Divided by Privilege (2018), Small Talk: Learning From My Children About What Matters Most (2014), and A Good and Perfect Gift: Faith, Expectations and a Little Girl Named Penny (2011). A graduate of Princeton University and Princeton Theological Seminary, her essays about personal, social, and spiritual healing have appeared in the New York Times, the Washington Post, Christianity Today, and more. She is a big fan of frozen yogurt, her Ember mug, and hiking in the nearby woods with her family. Amy Julia lives with her husband and three children in western Connecticut.

Reviews

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

(Review originally appeared at Servants of Grace.)

In White Picket Fences, Amy Julia Becker comes to terms with a lifetime’s worth of privilege. She looks back on her life with newfound ambivalence about the subtle advantages of her childhood. For example, her family employed a nanny, a gardener, and a cleaning person, all three of whom were African American and lived in a less affluent part of town. Becker acknowledges her own conflicted feelings as an adult. Although her parents had been generous to care for the needs of their employees, she can’t help but reevaluate the whole dynamic of race relations in her hometown. “The racism of my childhood looked benign,” she admits (58). But when Becker looks at the whole picture–the stubborn effects of segregation in her school, the lack of honesty in the fourth-grade history book she tracks down–she sees that she enjoyed subtle forms of privilege that were not available to everyone.

Becker offers her memories with vulnerability, speaking honestly about how she had often considered her good fortune to be a blessing from God, but now can see that in many cases those moments may just have been reflections of her privilege. Did her husband get the job he wanted because of his high-powered connections or because of God’s provision? This isn’t really a question that needs to be answered, but she demonstrates humility by her willingness to explore the benefits of privilege. Those familiar with Becker’s writing will recall her daughter, Penny, was born with Down Syndrome. By including stories about her daughter and (to a lesser extent) her time attending to her sick mother-in-law, Becker demonstrates the ways that challenges have punctured her life of privilege. Challenging circumstances have taught her that there are problems even “all our intellectual tools and high-powered connections and financial wherewithal could not solve” (127).

This is a compelling memoir, but those looking for solutions will find little more than an invitation to confession and thankfulness. Occasionally, she offers a few suggestions like “cleaning the wounds of people you love, of participating in healing and new life, of becoming vulnerable and needy and receiving love and care” in order to see your privilege as something “that connects instead of divides” (131).

Overall, the solutions offered in this book are mostly vague and optimistic. She idealizes the concept of love, defining it as “the capacity of individuals to give and sacrifice and care for others” (166) and as “a force that powers the universe and is freely and abundantly available to all who would receive it” (169). Both ideas are present in the Bible, but her definition falls short of the specific revelation of God’s love through the atoning death of Jesus Christ.

Becker also emphasizes that scripture wants us all, collectively, to love. “Love by its nature is relational” she reminds us, “and the power love wields is not through isolated individuals but through institutions and communities that band together on behalf of one another” (167). Her vision seems too simplistic for a complicated problem rife with deep wounds and a long history of tensions. Even more troubling was her admission that she “used to think of sin as immoral actions, but…I now think of sin as everything that separates us from love. That’s why I often use the word brokenness instead of sin to describe everything in me and in the world that doesn’t line up with love” (141). Even choosing to use brokenness instead of sin shows a certain level of privilege. “Brokenness” is a passive word and this passive attitude about systemic racism doesn’t offer much of a solution. As much as I appreciated Becker’s honest story-telling, I couldn’t help but wonder if those looking in from the other side of the white picket fence would see enough in her story to make them hopeful.

Becker is an attentive and thoughtful writer, and this book paves the way for readers to reflect on their own privilege, but scripture offers us a very particular vision of love. It offers us the specific sacrifice of Jesus that broke down “the dividing wall of hostility” so that he might reconcile us all to God (Ephesians 2:14). Jesus died so that we could all be “one in Christ” without distinction by race, class, or gender (Galatians 3:28). The potential for unity came at a great cost and requires personal and corporate repentance of sin. The Christian faith has a rich wealth of resources that could have been mined to provide richer, clearer, and more helpful solutions. I absolutely recommend Becker’s story for its honesty, vulnerability, humility, and her willingness to put her own privileged life up for discussion. I just wish she would have offered even more of the glory of reconciliation offered by Christ.

[David · Rating 2 out of 5]

First, a couple of positive statements about this book. Regardless of your opinion, this is a courageous book to write. Amy Julia Becker could have chosen from many other topics, and writing about white privilege opens her up to controversy and criticism from all facets of society. She writes in a very straightforward and easy to read fashion. Her stories are engaging and generally relate to the topic at hand (although whole chapters go by with only a sentence or two about race).

Second, this is a great book for book clubs. My church book club read it and we were rarely at a loss for things to discuss. She takes on important issues and it was fascinating to learn about our own backgrounds and experience with race as we discussed the book with one another. The white people in our group learned as a result of the book and our black members seemed relieved that at least a few people were coming to a better understanding of race in America.

In the final analysis, the book fails mostly due to the author and her complete unwillingness to change her life to address the issues she professes to be so concerned about. At one point, she and her husband discuss moving to a racially mixed neighborhood to live out their ideals...but nah, he gets a scholarship, so, so much for that idea. They take the money. At the end of the book, Becker confesses she thought about joining a social justice project, just to have something to write about, but nah, she would rather remain helpless in her sin before God, or however she rationalized it. I don't view her as a bad person -- she has kids to care for and a family -- but she is not a very good messenger for true change when it comes to white privilege. Be sure about this: Amy Julia Becker will be staying behind her white picket fence and she is not leaving.

So, while the book is well-intentioned and a good discussion starter, the author reminds me of so many people I know. They are educated, prosperous, socially aware and concerned about injustice. However, when push comes to shove, they are not about to give up any of their privilege in ways that go beyond simple talk. Their kids are not about to spend a day in public schools, either. So, while this is a well-written book about an important topic, it is undercut by the author herself, as she reveals time and again that while she is willing to pray for justice, that is about all she is willing to do. Hey, at least she is honest.

[Kara Fuson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed hearing Amy’s humble and convicting experience with white privilege. I like that this book offers a white woman’s take of privilege and how her life mirrors mine and many other people that i know. I kept waiting for her to list steps to fight against privilege but I realized towards the end of the book, that that wasn’t what the book was about.

[Anita · Rating 5 out of 5]

If I had not heard Amy Julia Becker speak at her book launch, I would have stereotyped her based on her master of divinity degree. I would have thought that her devout faith, combined with being white and female, would have deterred her from having a real understanding of white privilege. She would have been lumped into the segment of women who get their thoughts from their husbands.

However, that is not the case. Listening to her speech led me to purchase the book and to read it soon after. She definitely gets it. It doesn't appear that it was one or two aspects of her life that opened her eyes; but instead a culmination of many. She grew up not wanting for anything and had black "help" in her home, but still had issues that many people have. There was an eating disorder, a time of too much wine as a young mother, and the birth of a child who has Down syndrome; yet she still recognized her privilege. A woman of color in equivalent situations would have less support because less people would care.

Becker also has a certificate in African American studies, which I assume, the reading requirements added to her understanding. I have a sense that she has an innate concern for people in general; not everyone can claim that.

Scattered here and there, and especially at the end, is her gentle encouragement to love and to experience God's love. However, I think people of any faith, or lack thereof, would be okay reading this book.

[Nadine Keels · Rating 5 out of 5]

And now, as I confront the harm to me, to my friends and family, and to countless others by a social structure that has been built on exclusion, do I want to get well?

It's a loaded question author Amy Julia Becker asks in White Picket Fences: Turning toward Love in a World Divided by Privilege. I didn't choose to read this book because I think I'm the target audience for it. I'm not. But I was interested in hearing this author's perspective.

Yet, when it comes to those who are the closer targets for this book, it will likely require some "pushing past" to even pick it up and open it.

Pushing past the indifference or skepticism that says privilege isn't a big deal, or that it might not be a real thing, or that it's merely a divisive or hot button term attached to a political agenda. Pushing past the fear-based discomfort that says to avoid the topic, or the fear-based hopelessness that says privilege is so longstanding, so ingrained, and so prevalent that there's no point in trying to change things now.

If you are indeed someone who flinches at the mention of privilege, know that this isn't a book meant to demonize you. To make you feel guilty about your skin color or for being born to a particular social status. And be advised that the author doesn't limit her discourse here to the subject of race.

It feels a little severe to call it a "discourse," though, and it almost seems out of place to say I enjoyed it. But for someone who mostly reads fiction, this book often made me feel like I could have been reading an understated but affecting contemporary novel. Becker has a lovely writing style, and she addresses tough, complex issues with grace and nuance.

A book well worth pushing past discomfort to read.
__________
Tyndale House provided me with a complimentary copy of this book from NavPress for an honest review.

[Joan · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was enlightening and challenging. Having grown up in a lower middle class farming family, I would not have considered myself privileged. I had no idea. Reading Becker's memoir and thoughts on privilege made me realize I grew up privileged and still am.

Like Becker, I cannot change my ethnicity nor social status. But, like her, I should also realize that this privilege did not come because of my effort nor is it a sign of God's favor. (1748/2807) But it does come with responsibility. Like her, I must see privilege as an opportunity and responsibility to pass on the blessings God has so graciously given me.

Becker shares much of her life. Part of it is to show the transition in her thinking, moving to understanding privilege and its influence. She shares where her life has not been all roses to show that, even in the midst of hardship, she was still privileged. She and her husband have a child with Down syndrome, for example, yet have access to special education programs and doctors.

Becker reminded me I have been given much I have not deserved. (1905/2807) She challenged me to explore how I can value every person, seeing each one as a gift, made in the image of God. Yes, there is sin and brokenness but Becker reminded me we are all broken in some way.

I recommend this book to readers who want to understand more about privilege and the responsibility it carries. Becker doesn't have the answers but she does know it involves sacrificial love. She gives some encouraging illustrations of people living out that sacrificial love and invites us to do the same. There are discussion questions included so this would be a good book for a reading group.

I received a complimentary egalley of this book from the publisher. My comments are an independent and honest review.

[Ben · Rating 2 out of 5]

Critical theory, leftist worldview, along with a smattering of half-truths, presented with a Christian veneer.

It sounds like the author had some pretty serious personal issues and blind spots to work through. It also sounds like she grew up either very sheltered or naive (or both), almost like she didn't really understand that certain forms of prejudice and discrimination are wrong, until she had been an adult for some time. Good for her recognizing those. Trouble may come, however, if people begin projecting her issues upon others, or compensate by making the same errors in the opposite direction.

[Yvie · Rating 3 out of 5]

The notion that some might have it better than others, for no good reason, offends our sensibilities. Yet, until we talk about privilege, we’ll never fully understand it or find our way forward. Amy Julia Becker welcomes us into her life, from the charm of her privileged southern childhood to her adult experience in the northeast, and the denials she has faced as the mother of a child with special needs. She shows how a life behind a white picket fence can restrict even as it protects, and how it can prevent us from loving our neighbors well. White Picket Fences invites us to respond to privilege with generosity, humility, and hope. It opens us to questions we are afraid to ask, so that we can walk further from fear and closer to love, in all its fragile and mysterious possibilities.

The writer offers up her personal story and self-examination of growing up and living with privilege in this world. While I do not personally agree with some of her assertions, based on her experiences, I think she's done a brave thing to start a conversation about something so polarizing. The truth of white privilege is that is used to be very prevalent, and still is in some communities, but these days, being white is becoming a hindrance. I realize that this will not be a popular opinion / review, but...in raising (presumably) heterosexual, white sons, I struggle to understand how the world became so topsy-turvy that they are to blame for everything, and are expected to 'pay retribution' (of one sort or another) to every other minority in the world. Yet, the author would say that my sons have the highest amount of privilege. I don't buy it - not anymore. They will not be shamed for things they did not do; they will be taught to treat everyone as a person, regardless of traits. In the quest for equality, if everyone just did that one thing, it would go much further.

[Melody Schwarting · Rating 4 out of 5]

Amy Julia Becker has given us a powerful volume of repentance. (A perfect choice for your Lent reading!) She reckons with her own privileged experience, her WASP identity, her Princeton education, her wealth. I loved that she articulated that what she saw as God's blessings (marrying her husband, getting into an exclusive college, jobs lining up, et c.) may have just been the consequences of privilege. Becker speaks of how she saw privilege as a leverage to use for others, but realized that even doing that was insufficient, recognizing that broad, humble, mutual, others-seeking love is the only way to move toward justice, thus rebutting the "white savior" concept.

I place this alongside The Hidden Wound by Wendell Berry on my shelf of "Books for White People to Read about Racism" (and ableism, since Becker shares about her experience with her daughter who has Down syndrome). Her work is a bit more developed than Berry's, since he was writing in the 1960s in the fomenting days of the civil rights movement, and Becker is writing with a decades-long, national conversation in mind. Becker identifies the "hidden wound" as privilege and moves toward healing. While we white folks should always read authors of color and prioritize their works on our shelves, we do need to hear stories of repentance and healing from our own selves. I am grateful for Becker's work.

[Thom · Rating 5 out of 5]

For her audience of privileged whites, this book speaks well. We shared an added perspective of a vital Christian life of faith and a Southern family transplanted to Connecticut, which further enhanced the resonance (although I think those without such a sensibility could benefit from this). What I take away from this is the cost of privilege TO THE privileged: the sense of individualism and independence comes at the cost of knowing the connectedness of all Creation. Thankfully, the book does not end with a list of all the things I can do, but rather an admission of the need for education and prayer and confession as a place to start, and not a step to be skipped over to jump to “trying to fix it”. It can only be done in community, not individually. I’ll be thinking about this one for a while.

[Tammy · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very uncomfortable book at times, but necessary. The author is so honest. Thankfully, left me with a bit of optimism of how to now begin to move more thoughtfully thru the world, and to look internally as well as externally when trying to come to terms with my place in the world, and in our world in general...especially these days.

[Sara Hillegass · Rating 5 out of 5]

An honest reflection on privilege that was both insightful and convicting without being guilt-inducing. I really appreciated the author's wrestling through these issues, while also thinking through how we can makes steps toward meaningful change.

[Lisa Jacobson · Rating 3 out of 5]

She's a good writer, but I didn't find her perspective and treatment of the topic as compelling as I'd expected it to be, based on all I'd heard about it.

[Marilyn Bryant · Rating 4 out of 5]

Anyone who believes “white privilege” is a myth should read this book. It is very humbling and provides much food for thought.

[Darin Mirante · Rating 4 out of 5]

Such humble, helpful, necessary, and profound reflections

[Amy Hornek · Rating 2 out of 5]

I want to start out by saying something positive. So, I will give Amy Julia points for being a good writer. The book is engaging, mostly kept my attention and, I’m sure, will be well received by people who think like her.

Also, the book did make me look at my own life, although not similar to the author’s. I grew up in the North, in a single parent household, with very little money or education. Still, I could relate to being white and what that means in this country and around the world, as I have travelled.

Now, on to why I gave the book such a low rating and why I would definitely not recommend it. Although the author goes on for 200+ pages about why white privilege is a problem, she offers nothing in the way of change. Love, love is her answer. Just love. While anyone would agree that more love is needed in this world, I think we need more of a concrete solution than that.

Even she does not really change besides to mope about the injustices of the world. She lives in a wealthy area, pontificates about how much money she and her husband have and ultimately says, the money she contributes doesn’t really do any good.

Also, the theology is terrible. Amy Julia says God never had control of anything good in her life, it was also just part of her privilege. Then she later feels the need to tell us how she spends lunch hours hungry so she can pray. Why pray if God has no control?

I have no idea what the point of this book was. Maybe just to make people of privilege feel guilty? If so, she accomplishes her goal.

[Roxanne Kraft · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was privileged to be part of Amy Julia's launch team, reading and discussing this book with others. Interesting that I started my review using the word privilege in the first sentence; as the definitions/uses of privilege came up many times throughout my reading of this book, and I know my own definition and views of privilege was often challenged. I found myself reliving parts of my childhood and thinking how I viewed privilege growing up and again now as an adult and a parent of two grown children.
Amy Julia winds the discussion of privilege in our world with her own personal life experiences creating an engaging and thought Provoking read. It's also provided an invitation to look into my own life, both growing up and in the present. She brings many thought provoking topics and feelings into her writing and shares her religious views in a knowledgable and comfortable way. I found myself reflecting on my on upbringing as well as the life style I've modeled for my children and how privilege has played a part; so much to think about, to grapple with. White Picket Fences is a book for delving into the topic of privilege and how its effect on ourselves, our life styles, and our interactions with others. Thank you Amy Jilia for sharing this timely subject matter!

[Dan Mays · Rating 3 out of 5]

It’s a book about privilege. And she walks through how benign an upper middle class white person has had benefits in her life.

The part that opened my eyes the most was about how most kids books (classics too) have the main character a white kid. And if they present someone with darker skin, it is not super positive.

[Cambri Morris · Rating 4 out of 5]

I expected this to be making a strong argument, but it's more of a beautifully written memoir. Rather than setting out to convince you of a new reality, she shares her story humbly, which has it's own power next to theologian treatises and academic exposés. Not ground breaking, but a breath of fresh air that holds the weight of the gospel alongside the weight of deeply entrenched sin.

[Jan · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book with it’s very pleasant stories about having a family and the good times, hides a moving look at various types of privilege and home life. This author thoughtfully takes us on a journey of her discovery in her privileged life and what we can do with our own exploration on life when we hear of others and their stories. The statement “ privilege harms everyone, those who are excluded from it and those who benefit from it”. Our first look at her family, is with the birth of her third child, Penny, who was born into a set of genetic and social disadvantages by having Down Syndrome. It wasn’t long before she discovered some doors were closed, with the excuse “ We can’t accommodate your daughter” and some friends left speechless with former friends. Amy Becker wrote a book on Penny, who was named after Amy’s mother Penny who died of cancer. She then talks of another baby born on the same day, with no privileges and a difficult culture background hearing a lecture on birth control. What about the unwanted, poor, medically fragile, mentally ill babies? Do we want genetic screening to insure only the best children?
She takes us on a nice story about the lovely books she had read to her as a child, but how do you explain to your black child, slavery, hanging, shooting on the news. We want our children to learn of other people and places. Money can buy college educations, special programs and training and the very best, but what about those unable to have these opportunities. How do we answer the story of Noah’s ark, and how good had gone bad, with animals, human beings and plants were wiped out. Our author was in the South, and saw the developments of segregation and how text books were changed to explain things away and decisions made to keep the privileged, one step ahead. Some of us were born on third base, and with little effort, make it home, going away to college far from home shows many differences in regions, testing, exams, laws, etc. How can we change this?
We have been told that we get the things we want, because God loves us. We are all equally blessed, but have not received equal treatment in the world. Ms Becker than turns to the Bible with the man who had been at the pool, hoping for healing for 38 years. Do we want to chance, do we want to be healed, what can we do to show our faith, listen to others stories and change the world? Discussion questions and a good bibliography help us to look at the world with different lenses knowing God loves everyone and wants the best for everyone. We should not just be proud of all we have, mostly as a product of privilege. I think you will be pleased with the purchase of this book and challenged change. A new look at guilt and faith.

[Sarah Eustache · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thank you to Tyndale House Publishers for sending me a finished copy of White Picket Fences in exchange for an honest review. 

As a whole, I am very torn about this book. The author makes a lot of good points and it would be wrong of me to say that you wouldn't be able to learn anything from it. But there are also a lot of things in this book that I disagree with.

Another disclaimer for those of you know about the wave of social justice within the Evangelistic church, this book has nothing to do with it. This book is written from and for the world and privilege in the world and not social justice within the church, which are two very different topics.

This book is written by a Christian author and talks about God's love and privilege, but sin is only mentioned a few times. This is a major issue with this book because of our sin nature, and human depravity we are sinners.

On the other hand, there were definitely kernels of truth within this book. 

The following is a quote from the book that I fully stand behind: 

"All of life is fragile and uncertain. All of life is beautiful and valuable. All of life is a gift."

Tomorrow is not guaranteed and everything we have is from God. 

"Human beings, as God's "image bearers," are created to receive and reflect God's love."

Quotes like these are definitely reasons why you should read this book. There is a lot of truth to what the author is saying here, and that is exactly why even though I don't agree with everything she says, God can still use it to change lives, or make you think about something in a different way. 

I am going to be frank, I don't understand everything about privilege and I'm not sure I ever will. But what I do know is that we have a mighty God, and I trust in Him. 

I enjoyed that this book was written from a Christian perspective and that it is thought-provoking.  

[Renee Kahl · Rating 3 out of 5]

Those who liked this, and agree it's important to read on the subject of white privilege, should also read Waking Up White by Debby Irving, which I think is the better book on the subject. Neither is a particularly skilled prose stylist, but both offer the important insights that the deck is stacked in every way in favor of whites, and that it is incumbent on us to work towards equality and rapprochement. Unlike Irving, Becker relates the subject to faith, but only in a superficial way, and her brief discussions of scripture are mostly unsatisfying. Both have genuine humility, but Irving's is far more impactful. Irving walks the reader through many more of her own painful blunders on the way to really understanding the inequality, while Becker mostly lectures.
The best chapter is "Blessed", in which Becker relates her steps through education, career and marriage to arrive at her accomplished adult life, at first making you think she takes full credit for her successes, the hitting you suddenly with the realization that her path was greased every step of the way by white privilege. Other chapters aren't as effective, especially her attempt to discuss the "positive" side of privilege, which turns out to be the privilege of going through hard times with loved ones (in this case, her mother-in-law Penny's death from cancer). It's a fine sentiment, but "privilege" is a broad, versatile word, and the chapter is off-topic. There is a lot of discussion of her handicapped daughter Penny, but not much relating of it to the topic of privilege either, because she rightly wants to stop short of making the "I know exactly how you feel" argument, so the parts about both Pennys just kind of sit there out of place.
The book has a few footnotes to studies, but Irving's book discussed much more data, another reason I like it better.

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Do not rush through this book.

White Picket Fences is deceptively easy to read. Amy Julia Becker’s writing flows gracefully from one sentence to the next. But to read the book in one sitting--which would be easy and tempting to do--would dismiss the depth of this book and do the writer, the reader, the society a disservice.

In sharing her experience of growing up in an upper class home in the South with servants, Becker looks back as an adult on her happy childhood, but now through the lens of “privilege.” She takes the us along with her into her past, prompting us to rethink our own experiences, and pushing us to see them in a new way.

She examines her present comfortable lifestyle through the same lens of “privilege.” By living the life she is, is she isolating herself from those who are different from her? Or does she in her current circumstance have something unique to offer that could bridge the gap?

Work slowly through this book. Like a meal that is a little too hot to be consumed quickly. Although it is a little under 200 pages, don’t be deceived. This is a powerful little book. It raises questions it would behoove each of us to sit with for a while. Let them make us a little uncomfortable. And then, as we start to answer those questions, perhaps being honest for the first time with ourselves and the world, maybe then we can stop building fences and start opening gates.

[Jayne Hunter · Rating 3 out of 5]

This might be a good book for someone who is just dipping their toes into the acknowledgement of their privilege. Maybe it would create some a-ha moments for people who had not given a lot of thought to their place in the world before. For those who are farther along the journey of interrogating social constructs and injustices, it is a little cringey. The author acknowledges aspects of her privilege, like going to boarding school and an ivy league college, but I'm not sure she fully gets it. For example, she talks about her childhood, when three Black people were employed in her home, and acknowledges that there was an imbalance of power in the relationship between her parents and those employees as well as the limited opportunities available in their town to Black citizens, especially those who could not read. I don't expect her to be fully cognizant of how extensive that might have been because she was a child. Yet, she goes on to say that she is sure that those employees loved her family and knows that her family loved them. This tells me that she can't get past making excuses for how it was or patting herself on the back for how she's made progress in her thinking. And, yes, most white people are starting from a place of complete oblivion and it's good to share that awakening. But, it's clear that her place inside her bubble is still intact. Hopefully in the 5 years since this book was written, she's continued to peel away some of that safety and continued to learn.

[Beth Anne · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book very quickly, which helped me to appreciate it more I think. It's not a perfect book, but it's an extremely honest and personal book. The author, a white women who grew up in a wealthy family, examines how her eyes have been opened to the privilege she holds in the US by being white, wealthy, educated, Protestant, and able-bodied. She does a good job addressing the ways in which we can struggle with the term privilege, but also how acknowledging the truth about our history can help us write a new story for the future.

She gave me a lot of things to process as I see my family in very much of a privileged state, while raising kids who see that from a young age and also have a sibling who does not have the same starting point.

I think this book could have been more effective if there were better actionable steps to change once we understand our privilege and how that has created an unequal field of "play" for life. However, I think she addresses this by talking about how her life is still in process; she hasn't "arrived" at a point where she no longer has privilege or has righted every injustice in her sphere of influence. Instead she is working to move forward in love with her eyes wide open to the inequalities around her, and working in small ways in her own life and the lives of those she can impact.

[Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

"I want this story to open up the conversations we are afraid to have, to prompt the questions we are afraid to ask, and to lead us away from fear and toward love, in all its fragile and mysterious possibilities."

As a white middle class college-educated millennial woman who grew up in a wealthy (and primarily white) Boston suburb, I am aware of my privilege and have been wrestling with it for some time. Amy Julia gave me space and language in White Picket Fences to reckon with my upbringing and "stand in the discomfort of the grief and gratitude of who I am as a child of privilege." She challenged me in how much I still have to learn, and how facing the evil and injustice in our society, the marginalization, racism, ableism, etc requires all of us to be willing to do deep (and sometimes painful) heart work within ourselves, be humbled, and come together as community in order to see change. As usual, Amy Julia's beautiful story-telling drew me in, and I am so grateful for her willingness to share from her personal experiences. I found her tone to be challenging, but not shaming, which I so appreciated, as so often this conversation can feel like people shouting at each other. Overall, this is a brave and honest reckoning with privilege, at a time when we need it more than ever.

[Perry Hayden · Rating 5 out of 5]

What has this book done for me?  This book has made me think about what I am doing.  Am I really inclusive?  Do I really want to do something?  Is the sharing and caring I did for families when working enough?  Amy Julia comes from a privileged background, yet she has made it clear she has questions and doesn’t always know what to do.  Amy Julia tells of her privilege, which in turn can make you think of your own privilege.  What is privilege for me?  Often books on this topic are filled with someone swooping in to effect change.  Suggestions are made that we paeans could not effect without being told to do it.  I like Amy Julia’s candid style in which she tells of her struggle. Reading her words can help you start to think of the struggle in your own life.  In some parts, there is a good bit of Biblical reference which could be off putting, especially if your Bible knowledge is not too extensive.  However, Amy Julia brings us back to focus on the power of love.  We should be doing things because we want to do them.  We should share in love for all people.  If you are willing to take an honest look at yourself, this book can get you started thinking about who you are and who you want to be. 

[Sarah Crass · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am glad I read this book - the author is a mother and professional (like me!) who lived both north and south of the Mason-Dixon. Many of her experiences are the same as my own and her book accurately describes how we, I, fail to see my own legacy of complicity in a system of inequity. “I am starting to believe that both must be true, that I can hate the injustice and name the goodness of my life, that I can recognize my parents’ flaws and thank them for their gifts to me, that I can stand in the discomfort of the grief and gratitude of who I am as a child of privilege....like thousands of unknown saints throughout history, my life will be marked by events and social situations outside of my control. But I also long for it to be marked by a willingness to give myself, no matter the cost, to God’s loving work in the world....Broken and beloved—these truths of my identity connect me to every human being who walks this earth. If I start to see people who seem radically different from me as those who instead are radically similar to me—needy, broken, with the potential for beauty and joy and glory—then love could begin to connect us, and fear would not be able to divide us. Love could hold us together.”

[Sain · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is my first time reading a memoir, and I'm happy that I picked this one from Booksale. White Picket Fence is a beautifully written account of a middle-class white woman who grew up in a state where a rich history of systematic oppression exists.

The book details her slow but painful disillusionment from the community she once revered so much and the steps she had taken trying to undo the years of indoctrination she received. It's full of conversation, trying to connect with others who have the same epiphany as she had. It also serves as a reflection of being a mom to a girl with Down syndrome, which, similar to me, further fuels her desire for change.

What I personally like about this memoir is that it never once tried to assert itself as an authority on the topic but rather as a comrade who's also alongside on the journey of personal growth. Growing up sheltered myself, I relate a lot to her naivety when it comes to complex issues. Although I may not agree with her usage of Bible verses to emphasize her point, I do understand that Christianity plays a big role in justifying bigotry in America, and since this was written in 2018, and things have gotten much worse nowadays, I am curious if her resolution changed.

[Sylvia Kocses · Rating 5 out of 5]

Like many others I am seeking to understand what "white privilege" means and I want to be part of the solution. I was anxious to read White Picket Fences by Amy Julia Becker because I knew her briefly and admired her ability to write and speak about difficult topics with humility, transparency, depth of knowledge and courage.
There are social and political issues that deeply divide our country and the world today. Through stories, historical reflections and openness about her personal struggles Amy shows us that privilege harms all of us. In seeking solutions she encourages conversation not confrontation, blessing not bitterness, citizenship not partisanship and huge doses of forgiveness, trust and love.
This book will resonate well with women. She provides 22 questions for discussion which makes it ideal for book clubs. For further reading there are extensive sources cited in the notes. White Picket Fences encourages me that I can make a difference and I can change our world. Amy Julia tells us that "small ripples can address the massive expanse of the need ( pg 165 ) This book will help you learn how to become a small ripple of healing in a world in need.