For the Love of Discipline: When the Gospel Meets Tantrums and Time-Outs

by Sara Wallace

NO PARENT ENJOYS DISCIPLINING . . . but we know it’s important, so we grit our teeth and make it happen! . . . Right? Or can it be more than something we just "put up with"? Sara Wallace, a mother of five, brings you a personal, frank account of her own journey with discipline—and introduces an entirely new way to look at it. Not as something we do to our children, but as something we do for them . . . not as a necessary evil, but as a beautiful privilege! We can be glad when our children disobey while still in our care—they are showing us where they need to be strengthened and encouraged, giving us a chance to shape their hearts. Would you like to feel equipped, and excited, to discipline? Here are practical tools, specific skills, a solid gospel foundation, and specific day-by-day things you can say and do to make disciplining your children intentional and consistent.

Genres: Parenting, Christian, Nonfiction, Family, Faith, Counselling, Audiobook

145 pages, Kindle Edition

First published April 1, 2018

About the author

Sara Wallace is author of the Bible study The Gospel-Centered Mom and has written articles for the Gospel Coalition and RELEVANT magazine. She and her husband have five sons.

Reviews

[Alyssa Yoder · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was really inspired by this book and will probably add it to my own collection. I loved the practical, creative ideas and the explicit examples of how to incorporate the Gospel message into parenting. I took off a star because she used real life acquaintances or parents she glimpsed as examples of bad parenting (a pet peeve of mine), because of some disagreement with her rigid structure, and because I think the section on tantrums, while helpful, could have benefited from an explanation of the neuroscience and child developmental stages at play.

[Becca Lemmon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a loving book! Easy read, just a refreshment on each page.

[Matthew Manchester · Rating 5 out of 5]

Not only did I really enjoy this book, it was quite helpful in both reminding me what the point of discipline is and also some practical ways to implement it without putting my kids in a box.

I’ve noticed a change in my discipline style since reading this book. I’m going to try to read this every couple of years.

[Heather Lehman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Just read this book for the second time and found it just as helpful as I remembered. This book reminds me of how I want to parent and what all this hard work of disciplining is for. It is big-picture inspired and nitty-gritty practical. Hands-down my favorite parenting book (at least in this season!).

[Matt Tyler · Rating 4 out of 5]

I just reread this book as we’ve been struggling with consistency in discipline. It is such a helpful book for parents.

The author primarily addresses her book to moms, but I think it is a book for both parents.

I highly recommend.

[Erica · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really enjoyed this relatable, practical, biblical look at discipline. One of the better books I've read,it had a lot of Bible to back up what she was saying. I really liked the second part of the book where she has practical ways to put into practice what she was saying and make it work for your family.

[Erin · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is absolutely my new favorite parenting book. I’ll be adding it to baby shower gifts from now on. I’ve never read such a deeply loving book about discipline. The way Sara draws a distinction between discipline and punishment was so helpful to me. What a refreshing, short, clear, beautiful reminder of our responsibility to guide our children in love toward Christ.

[Jenelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Solid Biblical guidance with practical tips and application. Very helpful overall. I will likely revisit this book as my son gets older.

[Tyler Eason · Rating 5 out of 5]

While primarily geared to moms, this book was so beneficial to me as a parent. She gives such a solid, biblical foundation for discipline, then practical support and helps on applying those undergirding truths. She frequently roots discipline in the gospel both for its motivation and its fruit.

[Katharina · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book gave me a breath of fresh vision and resolve to continue training and disciplining my children even when I feel like I’m getting nowhere and exhausted. The chapter on creating word bundles has already been a huge help and blessing to me and has saved many a lecture already. I’ll be re-reading this one.

One of my favorite quotes: “We don’t get to choose whether or not we will battle our kid’s sin. We enter into the battle the day we become parents. It’s important to remember we are never fighting against our own children. We are fighting alongside them. When we lay down our swords, we expose our kids to attack. They are too young to fight for themselves. We have to do battle for them. Doing battle with sin means getting our hands dirty. It means fighting for our kid’s hearts even when we are too tired.”

[Codi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Such a fun, easy read! The author is a mom of 5 boys, so I definitely recommend for boy moms! She gave a lot of practical advice, and she had a few points in the texts that were game-changing for usage of wording when speaking to my children. I am very grateful I took the time to read & will come back to apply some of the later chapters for when my children are older.

[Frances Eaves · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great reminders that I needed. I especially loved the part about heart checks with littles. We make sure we have everything we need before we go somewhere but often forget to address my child’s heart before grocery shopping, public places, preschool, church, etc. Love a discipline book that gives me practical instruction to guide a child’s heart.

[Greta Games · Rating 4 out of 5]

Overall a decent read with helpful principles. There were a couple of chapters I didn't agree with the biblical premises and how things were worded, but the heart of the message and practicality of the second half was overall worth the read.

[Caroline Hodge · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent resource on discipling toddlers. Will reference again frequently when my youngest turns one.

[Alicia Forrister · Rating 5 out of 5]

All over, the best book I’ve read specific to discipline. I loved that she talked about how discipline is different from punishment and rewards are different from bribes. She focuses a lot on trying to redirect the heart to the gospel, which is great. I would have appreciated more suggestions for appropriate consequences, but it was quite practical. I don’t quite love her suggestions for rebellious tantrums—she suggests alone time before talking, which does work, but could be done poorly. She does say this might not be appropriate for children with history of trauma, but this gap could be covered with a Dan Siegel book on the neuroscience of tantrums. So buy this book for discipline and supplement it with others.

[Shannon Evanko · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the most helpful books on discipline that I’ve read! Will definitely return to it repeatedly.

[Kalee Londeen · Rating 5 out of 5]

So incredibly practical, helpful and humbling. Wallace focuses on teaching your children to obey for the glory of God, not for the glory of the parents. There are so many gray areas in parenting and so many moments of "what do I do in this situation?", and unfortunately there are no magic formulas, this book addresses those situations to get to the root of the issue, what's going on in their hearts, in a practical and biblical way. This book has helped clear up so much confusion in parenting for the glory of God, I'll probably read it over and over, especially throughout these little years. ❤️

[Trish · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a beacon for gospel parenting this book has been to me in the last couple months. I’m so glad I have a copy to keep coming back to for reference.

[Paris Byrum · Rating 5 out of 5]

For the Love of Discipline is for mamas who want to learn and follow God’s prescription for discipline. It starts off being thought provoking, having you measure yourself against a Holy God, and helping you realize that you need Him to faithfully raise your children. By being in His word and through prayer, Sara reminds us, this is where you will gain the strength and wisdom to raise them up. Throughout this book there is grace, love and gospel centered reminders of the need to faithfully nurture our children to obey authority to one day face God for themselves. The practical tools, and dialogues in the ending chapters gave me something to picture and grasp, enabling me to envision using these tools in my day to day. Thank you for writing this simple and yet informative book for mamas like me to be able to add to our tool belt! Read more of this review at: www.nourishingalifeinchrist.com/book-...

[Kyndall Ralston · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the best parenting book I’ve read thus far. Full of biblical principles, perspectives, and practical applications. This book has helped shape the way I parent and discipline for the better. So good!

[Meghan Williams · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was helpful for me to take a step back in my parenting and discipling and see areas where I can grow. I liked the structure of how it was written, with the first half being big picture principles and then the second half being practical application. You can tell the author has 5 boys close together because after you’ve had little boys that many times, you’d have to get your own system figured out. The book is definitely geared more towards parenting younger children, which isn’t a bad thing and the principles can still be applied to older kids as well.

[Ben Albano · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a really solid book. Nothing mind blowing if you’ve done any serious research into biblically based discipline, but really excellent guidebook for how to think about discipline, how to plan for it, and how to implement it in a loving and God fearing way.

Discipline is not an option with children. They will inevitably be trained in one way or another. A lot of people I’ve talked to on the subject shy well away as they equate discipline with abuse, and this is understandable at a base level. However, a Jesus centered relationship with our children does not allow for abuse- instead we are charged with the protection and the care for our children, but also the raising up and teaching. This is all part of discipline, and this book does a great job of breaking down the heart of it as well as the execution.

Liz and I both read this and it was immensely beneficial to get even more on the same page about how we want our parenting to look.

If anything, there was some repetitive aspects that could have shortened things up if left or, but the author really did a great job presenting quality, scripture backed material in a concise and engaging way.

4.5 🤩

[Carissa Benton · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am so thankful to have read this book early on in my disciplining. It has helped me to both find joy and purpose in the many difficult situations raising children might bring and pointed my thinking toward the real reason for why I discipline: To glorify God and teach my children about God and the gospel. We have our kids for such a short time, but with His help we have such an amazing opportunity to shepherd their precious little hearts each and every day.

[Brad Hough · Rating 5 out of 5]

5.0 // This short book was so helpful. Honest, encouraging, and God-glorifying in its focus. Sara Wallace never presents her methods (or the implementation of them in her household) as the solution, but rather as practical outgrowths of the gospel truths that ought to underlie our discipline. Especially helpful was her emphasis on the reality of sin in our kids’ hearts, which they have not built up the strength to resist. It is our role as parents to step into opportunities to lovingly discipline them, to show them the better way of obedience and faithfulness, all for their good. May God grant me and Jami the wisdom, patience, and steadfast love to do this in a way that reflects His heart.

[A Grace · Rating 5 out of 5]

Definitely one of the most gospel-centered books on parenting I’ve ever read!

I resonated greatly with Part 1: Lasting Motivation: Discovering the Gospel in Discipline. Part 2 I probably could have done without—there were a lot of personal anecdotes that I either didn’t agree with or didn’t find helpful. I may have gleaned a tidbit here and there. But Part 1 is👌🏼chef’s kiss👌🏼

[Elizabeth Albano · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this book so helpful! It provided a much needed vision reset as I’ve been entering the toddler years, and encouraged me so much as we’re navigating those challenges. I also really appreciated the practical portions, because while there isn’t a script you can always follow, it’s helpful to have phrases and ideas that are rooted in scripture to repeat with our kids!

[Meggie · Rating 5 out of 5]

While there’s no silver bullet with discipline, Sara Wallace offers a wonderful, gospel-based approach to raising children, especially boys (she is a mother of five boys!). In short chapters with so much gospel and scripture throughout, Wallace presents good thoughts and insight on raising children to know the gospel and learn to live well. I learned about training children and was encouraged to have patience and perspective on my role as a mother. The second half of the chapter is full of practical insight about routines, word usage, tantrums, etc.

[Ryan Oakes · Rating 4 out of 5]

Encouraging to learn the heart of good parenting as I approach that season. The first half of the book focuses on the heart behind it — the second half gets practical. I fully anticipate referencing this book in the different stages of parenting.

[Brittany Parker · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 stars. This book seeks to put a positive spin on the word “discipline” by looking at how the Gospel affects our day-to-day discipling choices. I don’t always love super formulaic parenting books, which sections of this book definitely fell into (it’s more geared towards homeschooling moms). But overall I loved the message of this book of always going back to the heart and recognizing that so much of parenting is about having self-control over your reactions. I came away with lots of helpful tips and was particularly encouraged by the ending passages of Scripture to pray over my children.

[Emilia Pfisterer · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely loved this book. It was extremely helpful and practical, connecting relationship with God to day to day conversations and discipline with our children. The book gave tons of examples of scenarios, talked about grey areas, and gave new strategies to addressing behavior as well as talking it through with children.