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A Lot Like Me: A Father and Son's Journey to Reconciliation
“I hated my father—really, really hated him. I hated working for him and I hated being around him. I hated it when he walked through the front door at home. And we feared him from the moment he pulled up in front of the house in his car.” So writes conservative firebrand and popular radio host Larry Elder. For ten years Elder and his father did not talk to each other. When they finally did, the conversation went on for eight hours—eight hours that took Elder on his father’s journey from the Jim Crow South, to service in the Marine Corps, to starting a business in Southern California. Elder emerged not just reconciled with his dad, but admiring him, and realizing that he had never fully known him or understood him. Heartfelt, beautifully written, compulsively readable, A Lot Like Me—originally published as Dear Father, Dear Son—is both a powerfully affecting memoir and a personal, provocative slice of American history.
295 pages, Kindle Edition
First published May 7, 2018
47 people are currently reading
237 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 27 of 27 reviews
June 30, 2020
This will probably be one of my favorite reads of 2020, and I've already had a couple books I'm singing praises for -- among them is another family memoir about a complicated relationship with a parent, Wild Game: My Mother, Her Lover, and Me -- which is absolutely excellent for readers who love a family saga.
So is this one.
In "A Lot Like Me," Larry Elder writes about his reconciliation with his father, and in so doing, tells his father's life story from growing up in the Jim Crow south, leaving school and home at the age of 13, becoming one of the first black U.S. Marines and starting his own business in California.
As much as he accomplished, Randolph Elder's relationship with his children was very strained to the point that Larry, the middle of three sons, chose college and law school on the other side of the country -- mostly to get away from him.
After years of estrangement, Larry decides the time finally came to confront Randolph and come clean about his feelings of powerlessness and victimhood he felt he suffered because of his father.
The discussion that followed was far more surprising than either man expected, and set the stage for a closer relationship than either would have imagined in the years ahead.
I really loved the stories Elder told about growing up. Much of this book is very relatable for those of us whose parents are Baby Boomers, whose parents were in turn part of the Greatest Generation.
Beyond family recollections, this book is really about a generation of hardworking Americans that don't often get credited for their accomplishments -- namely working class and middle class black Americans whose stories are too often belatedly told and their accomplishments and honors realized perhaps too late.
The tenacity of this generation of patriots is sorely missed today and their absence is often felt.
"A Lot Like Me" brings to mind Ben Carson's "Gifted Hands" -- Carson's autobiography/memoir in which he credits his mother's stubborn determination to see him and his brother succeed against overwhelming odds in the '50s and '60s.
I know this moving story has reached many many readers and I hope that its reach continues to grow -- it's a good book to put on your list for Father's Day because it reminds us that for any success we have in life, we stand on the shoulders of those greater than ourselves.
So is this one.
In "A Lot Like Me," Larry Elder writes about his reconciliation with his father, and in so doing, tells his father's life story from growing up in the Jim Crow south, leaving school and home at the age of 13, becoming one of the first black U.S. Marines and starting his own business in California.
As much as he accomplished, Randolph Elder's relationship with his children was very strained to the point that Larry, the middle of three sons, chose college and law school on the other side of the country -- mostly to get away from him.
After years of estrangement, Larry decides the time finally came to confront Randolph and come clean about his feelings of powerlessness and victimhood he felt he suffered because of his father.
The discussion that followed was far more surprising than either man expected, and set the stage for a closer relationship than either would have imagined in the years ahead.
I really loved the stories Elder told about growing up. Much of this book is very relatable for those of us whose parents are Baby Boomers, whose parents were in turn part of the Greatest Generation.
Beyond family recollections, this book is really about a generation of hardworking Americans that don't often get credited for their accomplishments -- namely working class and middle class black Americans whose stories are too often belatedly told and their accomplishments and honors realized perhaps too late.
The tenacity of this generation of patriots is sorely missed today and their absence is often felt.
"A Lot Like Me" brings to mind Ben Carson's "Gifted Hands" -- Carson's autobiography/memoir in which he credits his mother's stubborn determination to see him and his brother succeed against overwhelming odds in the '50s and '60s.
I know this moving story has reached many many readers and I hope that its reach continues to grow -- it's a good book to put on your list for Father's Day because it reminds us that for any success we have in life, we stand on the shoulders of those greater than ourselves.
August 5, 2020
What a wonderful book! I need to process a bit, but want to write more later.
Suffice to say for now that this memoir really drives home the fact that the first people we need to forgive are our parents. Thankfully, Larry Elder was given the gift of years to reconcile completely with his father and create a beautiful relationship with him. Oh, that we were all granted the same.
Children, be kind to your parents. They carry far more than you know and love you more than they can sometimes bear.
Suffice to say for now that this memoir really drives home the fact that the first people we need to forgive are our parents. Thankfully, Larry Elder was given the gift of years to reconcile completely with his father and create a beautiful relationship with him. Oh, that we were all granted the same.
Children, be kind to your parents. They carry far more than you know and love you more than they can sometimes bear.
February 4, 2022
Full disclosure: I didn't know who the author was before I read this. Do I live under a rock for not knowing who this author is? Yes.
HOWEVER, nothing in this book alludes to the author's day job. I looked him up after I read it, merely wanting to know WHO this person is. I'm actually glad I didn't know who the author was because I likely wouldn't have picked this book up in the first place.
This is the book I had hoped The Pale-Faced Lie to be when I read it last week. Elder comes at this with a completely different tone, and I appreciated that. I liked the stories from his childhood, both the good and the bad. I came away with an appreciation of his father's strengths and some weaknesses.
To me, there are so many ways people can get crossways with loved ones - particularly when the love language you receive is far different than the one you want. Larry wants to hear words of affirmation from his father, but that's not his father's love language. It's acts of service; it's the routine and dependability in being a provider.
I enjoyed how the author approached his father with a new lens, and he got so much out of it. Perhaps this is a very oversimplified example, but I still appreciated it and feel many readers can take away something valuable from this - even if they don't agree with his politics.
HOWEVER, nothing in this book alludes to the author's day job. I looked him up after I read it, merely wanting to know WHO this person is. I'm actually glad I didn't know who the author was because I likely wouldn't have picked this book up in the first place.
This is the book I had hoped The Pale-Faced Lie to be when I read it last week. Elder comes at this with a completely different tone, and I appreciated that. I liked the stories from his childhood, both the good and the bad. I came away with an appreciation of his father's strengths and some weaknesses.
To me, there are so many ways people can get crossways with loved ones - particularly when the love language you receive is far different than the one you want. Larry wants to hear words of affirmation from his father, but that's not his father's love language. It's acts of service; it's the routine and dependability in being a provider.
I enjoyed how the author approached his father with a new lens, and he got so much out of it. Perhaps this is a very oversimplified example, but I still appreciated it and feel many readers can take away something valuable from this - even if they don't agree with his politics.
September 4, 2022
One of the most moving books I've ever read.
May 15, 2021
No matter the relationship and no matter the depth and breadth of its divide, reconciliation and forgiveness are always possible if we can humble ourselves. The fact the Larry Elder's father did humble himself is what created that bridge for Larry to cross the divide. I was very touched and deeply encouraged by his story because you just never know how these bridges will be built. Could it come from the one we believe has offended or could it perhaps come from the one offended. Or maybe the bridge gets built by both. I really see that it is the hand of God using human willingness to be humble as the creator of reconciliation. Keep your heart open and your guns holstered. Refrain from assumptions and listen even when the answer isn't what you expect. Life rarely gives us what we expect. Expect that and you will live at peace.
June 30, 2018
Wonderful story of healing
A wonderful story of reconciliation between father and son, with the story of Larry Elder’s early family years woven throughout the book. Larry shows us the importance of taking time to understand each other and that it’s possible to overcome the hurts that haunt us. Loved this book!
A wonderful story of reconciliation between father and son, with the story of Larry Elder’s early family years woven throughout the book. Larry shows us the importance of taking time to understand each other and that it’s possible to overcome the hurts that haunt us. Loved this book!
March 4, 2022
Not the best writing but I always appreciate a book where a character takes a moment to look at the world through someone else’s eyes. Understanding another’s perspective helps to dissolve contempt and anger and see others like ourselves; flawed beings deserving of forgiveness, love and kindness.
October 13, 2021
A great book about reconciliation and forgiveness. It is easy to hate what you don't understand.
May 16, 2023
Great read! A true story of forgiveness, a solid work ethic and everything in between.
June 30, 2025
I just finished the book and I think this puts in a lot of insight from different generations and the challenges in the black community from both outside forces baring on the home and inside forces from personal family struggles. To me, this books is a great expression of tough love that the generation of black men had to show toward their children to ensure their growth, even if you agree or disagree with whipping. The truth of the matter is that Randolph Elder had a tough life and still worked his way from surviving on his own at 13 to eventually starting a restaurant, while learning Spanish classes on the side, and getting his diploma later. While the racial tensions of the past made things difficult for him back then, he became the tough hardship of life for his children, but only to make the world around them easier.
Though there were hardships and miscommunication, each of the Elder brothers could still stand proud and persevering despite different walks of life. Even their youngest brother through his own trials was still a respected member and aid in his own circle.
Once everyone was able to speak and talk to one another, then came the understanding. This gives me a lot of thought into what would or should do if I were a parent and consider my actions in the future.
Though there were hardships and miscommunication, each of the Elder brothers could still stand proud and persevering despite different walks of life. Even their youngest brother through his own trials was still a respected member and aid in his own circle.
Once everyone was able to speak and talk to one another, then came the understanding. This gives me a lot of thought into what would or should do if I were a parent and consider my actions in the future.
March 26, 2019
It is good! Funny at times! It is about Larry Elder not really understanding or getting along with his father. Rather than spoil things I'll just say there is something here for everyone to take away. It is poignant and touching. There is also some good real life lessons from Randolf Elder in this book.
June 24, 2023
Wow!
This book was delightful - a poignant look at a father/son relationship that wasn't nearly perfect (as many are not) and the profound discovery of who his dad REALLY was. Thanks, Larry, for this wonderful storytelling - and Semper Fi, SSgt. Elder!
This book was delightful - a poignant look at a father/son relationship that wasn't nearly perfect (as many are not) and the profound discovery of who his dad REALLY was. Thanks, Larry, for this wonderful storytelling - and Semper Fi, SSgt. Elder!
April 5, 2019
Well written, fast and easy read
May 31, 2019
Great book
I loved it. Well worth the money. I enjoyed it from the beginning until the very last end. Thank you.
I loved it. Well worth the money. I enjoyed it from the beginning until the very last end. Thank you.
August 9, 2020
Beautiful. I read it in one sitting.
June 14, 2021
Awesome!!
July 14, 2021
Pair A Lot Like Me with Hillbilly Elegy and discover both the cancer and the cure of our crazy world today.
July 31, 2021
I could relate to this read because it was similar to my situation. It definitely takes a man to raise a man.
August 16, 2021
What a wonderful tribute to a father, AND a family! May we all be so blessed when life is said and done.
September 20, 2021
One of the best memoirs I've read in years. This book took me back to my own LA childhood. It was painful and beautiful. Highly recommended!
January 7, 2022
This book is the reason the word 'poignant' was invented.
December 29, 2023
The beginning of this book was quite interesting. After that I found it boring. The author seemed to toot his own horn at the end.
June 12, 2024
Intriguing, easy-to-read, intelligent, inspiring.
October 1, 2021
It's well-written, and an easy read. You definitely get the intended impression of a tough, abusive father, only to have that impression change with 'the other side of the story'.
Still, one wonders how differently the story would have been if the father had just learned better disciplinary tactics. If nothing else, it's a good indictment of "the belt" as a means of teaching children lessons.
Still, one wonders how differently the story would have been if the father had just learned better disciplinary tactics. If nothing else, it's a good indictment of "the belt" as a means of teaching children lessons.
August 28, 2021
This book was very touching. The author has a beautiful story. It's a page-turner for sure.
One thing to keep in mind though: Larry Elder is a Casanova-esque character. He went through so many traumatic events, and still managed to turn out fine. He was very lucky that he didn't have a genetic disposition for mental illness (google: diathesis–stress model). He escaped his trauma unscathed, just like Casanova always managed to get out unscathed from all his predicaments.
For every Casanova, there are 999 wannabe adventurers who eventually settle down, end up dead, or are otherwise hurt by their experiences.
Larry Elder's story is beautiful, heartwarming, and it showcases what a wonderful man he is. I've seen his story be used as an example how it's possible to "pull yourself up by your bootstraps". But for every young black individual who "makes it" like Larry did, there are hundreds who don't.
One thing to keep in mind though: Larry Elder is a Casanova-esque character. He went through so many traumatic events, and still managed to turn out fine. He was very lucky that he didn't have a genetic disposition for mental illness (google: diathesis–stress model). He escaped his trauma unscathed, just like Casanova always managed to get out unscathed from all his predicaments.
For every Casanova, there are 999 wannabe adventurers who eventually settle down, end up dead, or are otherwise hurt by their experiences.
Larry Elder's story is beautiful, heartwarming, and it showcases what a wonderful man he is. I've seen his story be used as an example how it's possible to "pull yourself up by your bootstraps". But for every young black individual who "makes it" like Larry did, there are hundreds who don't.
January 3, 2021
This book is very touching and well-written. For anyone who has trouble with a parent, this story of reconciliation is an important one. Getting to a place where you can accept and forgive helps heal the inner child who did not feel loved or important enough. I also like how the author describes his brother’s addiction and how surprised he was to learn that he had created himself a community who remembered him well when he died. Not everyone feels part of their family and sometimes creating your own family of friends is what you need instead. Finally I learned a lot about the Black marines battalion in WWII.
May 21, 2020
I really loved this book. Larry started off hating his dad and with good reason. He moveed far away as soon as he could. But 10 years later he decided to confront his dad. This ended up in an endearing and lengthy conversation that led to their reconciliation. He captured each character showing their flaws and their strengths in such a way that you find yourself rooting for everyone in the story. Here are a couple quotes I liked:
"You know, the harder you work, the luckier you get."
"You give someone something for nothing and you get nothing for something."
"Well, I'll say."
"You know, the harder you work, the luckier you get."
"You give someone something for nothing and you get nothing for something."
"Well, I'll say."
Displaying 1 - 27 of 27 reviews