The Art of Conflict Management: Achieving Solutions for Life, Work, and Beyond

by Michael Dues

In 24 lectures brimming with practical tips, tools, and techniques everyone can use to better manage conflict in his or her professional and personal lives, gain the essential skills of conflict management. As presented by Professor Dues, these lectures will show you how to effectively deal with conflicts of all kinds, using the "win-win" model that has dominated the field for the past six decades.

You'll gain effective techniques for handling conflicts in your workplace, other organizational settings, or your personal life, whether you're dealing with supervisors, coworkers, acquaintances, close friends, or family members. You'll learn the best ways to analyze conflicts and work through the steps toward resolving them, including clarifying goals, handling difficult emotions, and negotiating agreements. And you'll grasp the fundamental tricks of the trade that experienced negotiators have long used to deal with even the most seemingly intractable moral and cultural conflicts.

While drawing on the latest groundbreaking research, Professor Dues has designed these lectures to be as practical as possible. Requiring no background in conflict management, negotiation, or psychology, they offer you not just knowledge, but strategies and tactics you can put to work in your own life right now. Best of all, you'll be able to see those strategies and tactics in action through 70 professionally acted dramatizations that illustrate different conflict situations at home and in the workplace.

You don't have a choice about becoming involved in conflict. You do, however, have a choice about learning to manage it successfully by using the invaluable tools these lectures can give you.

Genres: Nonfiction, Business, Audiobook, Self Help, Communication, Personal Development, Leadership

13 pages, Audible Audio

First published January 1, 2010

Reviews

[Andy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Pretty good for what it is, i.e. a basic introduction to conflict management research. Unfortunately, the research is apparently pretty weak.

For example, "Getting to Yes" is one of the most famous books about win/win. OK. So, how do we know it's actually good for anything? Because Prof. Dues tells us he was on vacation years ago and saw someone who brought a copy of the book with him on a boat. ???!!!! I kept waiting for some evidence that these techniques have been shown to help resolve conflicts (at work). But the professor actually says he's skeptical of any ways to measure conflict in an organization. If you can't even measure it, how can you tell if you're doing anything about it?

The biggest shortcoming of this win-win approach though is that it applies only to reasonable people. And of course, that's not where you find the big difficulties in conflict management. If you're dealing with people who refuse to engage in win/win, the advice from this framework is basically to run away. There's obviously some wisdom in that, but it's objectionable on multiple levels. First of all, you don't get whatever it was you wanted. Secondly, you have to go find a new job/home/whatever. Thirdly, you're letting unreasonable people get away with whatever they want, and that's often bad for society as a whole. For going beyond win-win, I would recommend:




For marriage stuff, I would recommend going directly to the Gottmans, whom Dues cites.

[Rachel · Rating 4 out of 5]

A great survey of conflict management with lots of practical tips and useful information. I would have liked more depth to the content, but overall this was a good survey course.

[Ali Sattari · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good wrap up on various aspects and practices of conflict management, should reread and practice! :)

[Dave · Rating 5 out of 5]

I listened to this on audiobook, sold as a series of lectures as one of the Great Courses. I think it's awesome. I wanted to listen to it because I feel very uncomfortable around conflict. I'm a natural mediator but only once I'm already involved and I tend to avoid conflict whenever I can for fear of the bad feelings involved. I was searching for how I could diffuse some of that, and this course really helped. I feel very open to conflict now, understanding that it's normal, it's part of being human, it's everywhere and it's ok. It can be handled gracefully and channeled into opportunities for both parties to work together, communicate clearly what they each want, and both work together to achieve that for both of them. That's true "win-win," not compromise, which is lose-lose (at least some) and we often think is how conflicts are supposed to resolve.

Highly recommended for anyone who's afraid of conflict or wants to get better at managing it for themselves or to help others manage conflict.

Really highlights a lot of normal behaviors I see in every day life. It takes the fear away from those now that I understand where that person is coming from, why they're behaving that way and why I don't have to worry about it--I can address it exactly according to their goals as well as mine. Meet together, not against each other.

[Sri Shivananda · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have always believed that become good conflict management is an essential leadership skill. It separates the best from the others. This is a very structured series of lectures on various aspects of conflict management - all the way from the definition of a conflict, to conflict styles and how to negotiate, how to help others in conflict, dealing with the aftermath of conflict and last but on the least how it is a continuous journey. I recommend it to mid-level to executive leadership.

[Joseph L. · Rating 2 out of 5]

Watch a detailed review along with my favorite ideas and takeaways at:
https://youtu.be/oIAS7dgxJWg

[Jacob O'connor · Rating 4 out of 5]

Mack and I enjoy watching Undercover Boss. The premise is a corporate CEO puts on a disguise and goes into the factory to work with the grunts. It's a great show that always tugs my heart strings, and it's a blast watching the big-wigs fumble around at the low-dollar jobs. If the program is making a point, it might be that there isn't much difference between the folks on the floor and those up top. I'm not so sure. Maybe the boss can't build doodads, but I've found most of the CEOs have something in common. They have better communications skills. While the employees focus inward, the boss is empathizing. Empoyees make a statements, bosses ask questions. Empoyees demand or concede, bosses compromise and negotiate.

If I want to get closer to the top, I'd better take good notes from Michael Dues. Here're a few:


Conflict is a discomforting difference

It arises when someone is in opposition to our goals

Minimize potential damage and maximize the potential goods in an argument

How can we work together so we both win?

Parties might have different perceptions

Men mask fear with anger

Emotion is an internal fact, not an action. Don't apologize for it or deny it

Power is ability to influence the outcome of a situation

My leverage is the other person's stake in my satisfaction with the outcome

Keep speaking up

if I must withdraw, don't be passive aggressive. Let the other person know why I'm doing it

Venting only makes us angrier

Getting revenge is like scratching poison ivy

Separate people from the problem

Object to problems not persons

Go for the win-win, and then only when that fails resort to compromise

There will always be a difference between what the speaker says and what the hearer hears

Paraphrase to confirm meaning

Saying something is not the same thing as communicating

Humans need about 80% positive feedback

Negative feedback should be immediate and private.

[Albert · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not an overly deep work, but one that covers the basics and meanders into the intermediate level material regarding conflict management, the history and evolution of it, the anatomy of conflict, and the basic methodology in managing conflict. It even has a section on how to teach this to children. It's not overly deep, but it provides structure and what I think is a good framework upon which to deal with various types of conflict. One aspect the author is keen to push for is the detetrmine whether a "win-win" solution could be obtained, an admirable goal in any conflict.

I heard this as an audiobook in the Great Works series in Audible, and it was overall time well spent. 3 stars.

[Krissy · Rating 2 out of 5]

good information
hard to listen to

[Tõnu Vahtra · Rating 4 out of 5]

The course is quite good general overview of conflict management, unfortunately it could be based on more different sources (for example it kept bringing up "Getting to Yes" as one of the most important books on the subject and it did't even mention "Never split the difference" which by many is considered a more superior approach. The book starts with the emergence of the adversary system (system of dispute resolution originating in ancient Greece, in which each disputant presents his or her claims and supporting evidence to a neutral third party, who judges then how the dispute should be settled) and how it still dominates the win-win approach by Morton Deutsch (most of the book revolves around Deutsch' approach).

Fundamental attribution error: The common tendency to assume that the behavior of others stems primarily from personal character traits rather than the situation at hand (and vice versa for self).

XYZ formula. J. Gottman's formula for using I statements and avoiding criticism of the other person when communicating during a conflict, "In situation X, when you do Y, I feel Z"

I did not see so much value in the chapters about specific conflict categories (conflict in personal relationships or at workspace), also the chapter about getting help in conflict situation was just too common sense. Managing conflict's aftermath is one phase often overlooked (follow-ups) that might make the crucial difference between a resolved an unresolved conflict.

Wilmot and Hocker definition, 5 elements that are always present in a conflict:
1) interdependence (meaning that the behavior of one party has an effect on the other)
2) difference
3) opposition
4) expression
5) emotion

[Katie Hargrave · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a very good and informative book. I got it on audible and it came with the book form on it thought a online book. I would recommend getting though audible when it comes to The Great Courses due to this. Michael Dues gives a good history of arguing along with how we look at it and the different kinds of situation we get into. It is slow at the start when he goes over the history and philosophy, I found it interesting but I can see how others would get board. The middle had things we know but don't always do. I found this as a good reminder to stop and think about it and remember this book. It would help a lot of people to think of those parts when they are disagreeing with someone or just upset with them. The last few parts are where the gold is, where he goes over arguments over ethical things where its harder to find a 'win-win' situation. It brings up good points and arguments on how we handle them and how we see them. This is something I would tell anyone to read. It is one of those things where you will likely have to reread but the information is extremely helpful in everyday life.

[Mia Qu · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very helpful and insightful. This book not only introduces the fundamental concepts necessary to develop conflict management skills but also offers guidance on looking at conflicts differently. For example, I have never really explored the idea of a win-win and have always perceived it to be challenging especially in a business setting. This book made me realized how win-win is essential yet under-valued, and how it requires not more efforts, but the right efforts. Another reason I like this audiobook is that it incorporates different scenarios to demonstrate a concept. I would strongly recommend it to individuals who want to further develop their conflict management skills in organizational, school, or personal settings.

[Božidar · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great lecture with many good insights, but there is one serious drawback. It assumes that the other side is willing to cooperate. It doesn't really go into how to handle malicious people entirely dissinterested in any compromise, discussions and/or conflict management in any way except their total win and the total loss of the other side. Please do not take this as the rating of useless (notice my 4 stars), it's merely a note that a very important aspect is missing (at least as I see it).

Mr. Dues, if you ever read this, I hope you address it in some other lecture, book or what not.

[Charlie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Listened to this as an audiobook. It was a good introduction to the various conceptual models around conflict managements and shifts in thinking over the years. As pointed out by other reviewers, there's not much evidence to support (m)any of the techniques discussed in the long term. It is a good starting place though, and has a lot of implications when thinking about negotiations and conflict management in the context of system safety and engineering processes where a failure to reach a win/win could have a harmful effect.

[Tina Panik · Rating 5 out of 5]

An immensely helpful and thoughtful series of lectures on conflict management, applicable to both life and work. Of particular interest are the chapters on dysfunctional conflict styles, as they help identify what NOT to do in situations. There are great story/examples within each lecture to aide understanding. If you're in an environment where healthy disagreement isn't supported, you're in the wrong environment--and this course covers how to handle that, too.

[Victor Ward · Rating 5 out of 5]

Goes into more details than most books on the subject - quickly going past the basic principles of 'Making Friends and Influencing People' . It gives sound advice while also providing sources for its research. Most Teaching Company courses have series problems in College Professors that either go off topic, wax eloquent on how amazing they are, or preach about how everyone else is useless on the given subject. These lectures have gone a long way to restoring my faith in the series.

[Liz Lem · Rating 5 out of 5]

I recommend this course to just about everyone, because we’re living in a time where we need more people trying to effectively manage conflict. The presenter is excellent and so many useful tools are presented that no doubt I will go back and listen to select chapters for a refresher.

[James Weakley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Michael Dues lays out a history of human conflict management in a way that shows the progress made in the last half century toward creating the opportunity for healthier professional, romantic, and international human relationships. Excellent resource.

[Dax · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's a great book! Want to argue about it? Then go talk to someone else...See how I managed that conflict by avoiding it altogether?

Seriously though, I loved this book. I learned a lot that helped me understand the past and prepare for the future.

[Abra Catabra · Rating 4 out of 5]

I actually got more out of this book than I thought I would. In fact, it made me realize how often I run into conflicts in my daily life and the book gave great insight as to how to best handle these conflicts. I liked the narration.

[Jonathan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great frame-works for general conflict resolution.

[Francais Parker · Rating 4 out of 5]

This one was fantastic. Super useful information and helpful ways to approach communicating in the workplace. I wish I'd found this sooner.

[Michiel Berger · Rating 4 out of 5]

Erg nuttig. Zouden meer mensen moeten luisteren.

[Andrej Kamenský · Rating 3 out of 5]

Practical and informative.

[Tina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very useful whether in business (including nonprofit organization) or personal. The dramatizations he provided were illuminating.

[Tabby · Rating 3 out of 5]

Learned some new concepts and helpful terms, it was worth the time.

[Stacy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good information - ideal for professional world.

[Steve · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.0 out of 5. No big revelations here, but it was well done. The acted examples were a nice touch.

Audiobook narrator: very good.

[Robert Skidmore · Rating 5 out of 5]

Everyone should read this.

[Jon · Rating 4 out of 5]

I felt that the lecture series started slow way, but after the first 6 to 8 lectures the material became very interesting and worthwhile.
Highly recommended.