Last Shot is such a hot mess in so many ways. Daniel Jose Older actually manages to give Christie Golden a run for her money as the worst Star Wars author, which is really saying something. In the end, there are some worthwhile reflections on Han Solo's struggles with fatherhood and there is exactly one scene featuring L3-37 (Lando's droid sidekick from the film 'Solo') where everything stops being stupid and L3 gets a nice spotlight moment, as she pontificates about life and watches the stars streak past while in hyperspace. I felt like I'd suddenly started reading a chapter from a different book. But then that chapter was over and everything was stupid again. So anyway, those two things make Older a little higher than Golden on the quality scale, but that is damning with faint praise. So why was Last Shot so terrible? Well...
Terrible Terrible Terrible Dialogue
Last Shot is too long, and there's a bunch of stuff that could be cut, and most of that is stupid dialogue. You get the impression that Older fancied himself quite the clever writer of banter. The back-and-forth between characters is labored and over-written, and you can often pinpoint the exact spots where Older thinks the laugh-track audience should start guffawing at his characters' 'hilarious' wits. I think if you just edited out all the dialogue, I'd feel comfortable bumping this up to three stars. In addition to being over-written, it's littered with all kinds of hipster millennial speech patterns. A typical exchange would go something like this:
Han: Um...so, are we gonna get this show on the road?
Leia: Wow! Calm down, flyboy!
Han: Who you callin' flyboy? We're not even in a ship, last I could tell. So who's flyin'?
Leia: Really?
Han: Sorry, I'm just really ready to go whup some ass.
Leia: You'll get your chance. But seriously, calm down.
Han: So that means you're not ready to go?
Leia: Sheesh...I just can't.
And scene...
For the record, that's not actual dialogue from the book, but the phrase 'whup ass' does appear multiple times, as does 'sheesh' as an exasperated exclamation. Also, there are lots of Um's and Uh's. I'm guessing maybe Older workshopped all this stuff with his 13 year old daughters before he committed it to the final manuscript.
Gimmicky and Pointless Side Characters
Older fleshes out his cast with characters that on paper seem a bit zany, and perhaps could have lent the story a wild, gonzo tone. But it quickly becomes apparent that these characters are just there as one-off gags, and Older has no other ideas about what to do with them, so they just linger and clutter up the proceedings while their schtick gets staler and staler. Some examples:
* An Ugnaught Mechanic who is hilariously surly and speaks in incomprehensible alien dialect and adds nothing to the story.
* An Ewok Slicer who is hilariously cranky and speaks in incomprehensible alien dialect and adds nothing to the story.
* A hilariously gross little pet familiar who leaves slime everywhere and on the audio book probably makes lots of farting noises and adds nothing to the story.
* A Gungan Security Guard who delivers a 'hilarious' lecture to Han Solo about how he's sick and tired of people making fun of the way Jar Jar Binks talks, and this goes on for a few pages in the middle of what I thought was going to be tense scene involving the gang breaking into a prison, but turns into a comedy routine instead because Han keeps trying to interrupt, but get this: he can't get a word in edgewise! because this sassy Gungan Security Guard ain't having none of that! He joins the gang for a few scenes then just kind of disappears.
* A Tiny Alien Mob Boss who speaks with a stereotypical Italian accent that is spelled out phonetically, and honestly I couldn't tell why he was in the story, but there he was.
* Sana Starros, who I think I'm supposed to find interesting because she was apparently in a Star Wars comic book, so Older decides it's not his job to make her interesting since somebody already did that. Gotta love that corporate synergy.
* Chewbacca. Now, before you get all bothered about why I'd take issue with Chewbacca being included in a Han Solo adventure, it's because Chuck Wendig's Aftermath trilogy established that Chewbacca finally fulfilled his life debt and returned to Kashyyyk to take care of his family. Now, there are some flashback scenes where Chewbacca's presence is totally logical, but in the Present Day storyline, there is zero need for Chewbacca, but Older comes up with a stupid contrived reason to include him anyway, so he joins the gang, and then proceeds to add absolutely nothing to the story.
Odd Woke Transgender Inclusion?
I have no problem including a transgender character, and I have even less problem including a transgender character and then making sure that their transgenderness isn't that character's sole defining characteristic. In generally, I think that's a good move.
But it was very odd how the character of Taka was introduced pretending they were Han Solo, which kind of plants the idea in your head that they're male, but then every character, including the ones who have never met Taka before, seem to automatically know to use 'they/them/their' as Taka's pronouns. This was a heretofore unused convention in the Star Wars universe, and has been applied to zero other Star Wars characters ever, up to and including every character in this book except Taka. Why did everyone use it with them? I mean, in real life, you wouldn't just assume the use of non-gender-specific pronouns with some random person you met on the street, so why do Han and Lando? Even if you want to pretend that Han and Lando are just so with it that gender-neutral pronouns are totally easy for them to wrap their brains around, why do they only use them with this one character with zero prompting or explanation? The mechanics of it just seemed kind of arbitrary.
Pointless and Non-Sensical Action Scenes
If a big chunk of this book's wasted page count is taken up by terrible dialogue, the next biggest chunk is taken up by overly-busy, poorly motivated, ineptly choreographed shoot-outs. Characters just kind of run around and get into these battles because Older needs to delay the achieving of their objectives. Han needs to turn off a thing, but first: six pages of people running, dodging, falling, sneaking, and shooting, while lasers singe the hair off their heads. Never ending hordes of bad guy droids just kind of show up. There was more than one scene where I had no idea why anything was happening. This wasn't helped by the...
...Ineffective Use of Multiple Time-Lines
There are basically four different time lines in play, and this is fine. It has been done successfully before. The problem is that Older jumps around seemingly at random. There are a few straight up action set-pieces that should have been allowed to play out from start to finish, but Older breaks them up into four or five chunks and shuffles them up with chunks from a few other timelines. The scene shuffling has no rhythm, doesn't build to anything; the scenes don't compliment or play off of one another. It just makes it a chore to remember why everyone is running around shooting and fighting and who they're chasing or who is chasing them. If any of these fights had any impact on the story, maybe cutting constantly between them would carry some dramatic weight, but they all just feel like page-fillers, so even if they hadn't been diced and shuffled, you'd still just be mindlessly reading waiting for them to end.
Inane Plotting
There's supposed to be a mystery that Han and Lando are trying to sort out. It all stars when a mysterious figure in a green cape tries to kill Lando, then escapes. Lando goes and recruits Han to help him find the dastardly villain. The first thing they need to do is go hire a ship (they're too famous to go zipping around in the Millennium Falcon incognito), so they go to a space station to look for a pilot. While there, they see someone wearing a green cape. Now, to be clear, they don't think this is the bad guy. They just see the green cape and think, maybe we should follow him? So they follow him and he leads them to a fortune teller and Lando steals her fortune-telling gewgaws (he's a fortune-telling gewgaws aficionado), and they do an analysis of the gewgaws and hot damn it's a clue which tells them where to go next! That is some next level sleuthing.
If Older had attempted to lay in some kind of subtext about luck or happenstance, I guess just blindly wandering around and accidentally discovering things could work, but Older doesn't do that. It's like he just pulled an idea out of his ass about how Han and Lando could find their way to the next part of the story, but then forgot to build in any kind of in-story justification for how that would make any sense. This happens multiple times through the book. It felt like an improv-party game where the group tells a story, one person at a time, and every time you say a secret word, a new person has to continue the story, but the new person was just in the bathroom and didn't hear most of the previous part of the story, but wanted to play anyway, so the new part of the story doesn't really square with the previous bit of the story, but it's okay because it's just a game, am I right?
Also, there's a bit where they're hunting for the bad guy, but they take a break by going into a diner, and it turns out the bad guy just got hired as a chef at the diner, which they figure out and a chase ensues. Like, if the bad guy had mentioned he liked cooking, or he needed some money so decided to get a job, maybe? Anyway, lots of jarring, non-sequitur nonsense masquerading as a plot.
Whiplash Tonal Shifts
For most of the book, Older feels like he's writing the screenplay for an episode of iCarly only with Star Wars! Juvenile dialogue, dumb banter that's only funny to the canned laugh-track audience, sight-gags written out in prose which makes the sight-gags somewhat less effective. And right when the tween audience is starting to enjoy themselves, Lando starts admiring the bulge in his pants and the word 'ass' gets uttered dozens of times. But hang on, because now things turn overly-maudlin when Lando is suddenly deeply torn about having a relationship with a Twi'Lek he met during the war. The Han-Leia stuff is also kind of corny, but it sort of works since we know these characters and their histories so well. But Lando's love doesn't work because his true love is so underdeveloped and the desperate emotional struggles are at odds with and keep interrupting the already shakily plotted adventure ostensibly going on in the background.
Dumb Bad Guy
To be fair, the bad guy is only dumb in execution. The idea was a decent one, but he's so clunkily developed and his personality is presented so inconsistently, it undercuts any sense of menace he might have otherwise had. He's a medical prodigy! He's a tortured victim of gang warfare! He's a chef at a diner! He's a maniacal cult-leader! Pick a hat, man.
So...
...this one needed a few more passes, and the editor who let this see the light of day really ought to be ashamed of themselves.