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304 pages, Hardcover
First published February 19, 2019
As Yuja had been a musical wunderkind at six, at twenty-nine she is a kind of existential prodigy, already undergoing the crisis that ordinary people undergo in midlife. “I’ve been doing this for twenty-nine years. Do I want to go on doing it, or is there something else waiting for me?” She spoke of her sense of alienation from people who don’t have to constantly and relentlessly study music and practice, of feeling like an outsider, sometimes even “I don’t like to say but almost like a prisoner. I haven’t ever enjoyed my free time. It’s always like I am challenging myself. I must be a little masochistic.”
When I commented on her melancholy, she denied—and then acknowledged—it: “It’s a very depressing thought. Just touring and playing—the same things or different things. But in society people don’t allow you to be sad or depressed. It’s like a bad thing. It’s why I’m antisocial. I feel this negative energy. ‘She just complains a lot.’ Excuse me, that’s part of what I do. You feel all these things. As a musician, you probably feel them more intensely. But society wants me to be happy. My parents. They are the most unintrusive parents. ‘I don’t care what you do—just be happy.’” She made an urrrgghh sound and laughed.