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Hiroku
Hiroku
Hiroku Hayashi is just coming into his own when he meets Seth Barrett on the basketball courts in the suburbs of Austin. With his shredded jeans, tousled hair and risky behavior, Seth more than lives up to his bad boy reputation.
Seth sees in Hiroku something Hiroku doesn’t see in himself—potential. With a hero-like worship, Hiroku embarks on a complicated and intense relationship with the older teen, who not only fascinates Hiroku as a lover but persuades him to take their experimentation to extremes. Hiroku reasons that if it feels good, then it must be okay.
But as Seth’s demands increase, Hiroku must ask himself, at what point is the sacrifice too much?
Told in parallel timelines of then and now, seventeen-year-old Hiroku weaves a story about emotional manipulation, abuse and addiction while struggling to understand the core of their relationship, who is to blame, and his own compulsion to choose Seth over everything else.
When fear is the heart of love, does it make your feelings any less real?
Seth sees in Hiroku something Hiroku doesn’t see in himself—potential. With a hero-like worship, Hiroku embarks on a complicated and intense relationship with the older teen, who not only fascinates Hiroku as a lover but persuades him to take their experimentation to extremes. Hiroku reasons that if it feels good, then it must be okay.
But as Seth’s demands increase, Hiroku must ask himself, at what point is the sacrifice too much?
Told in parallel timelines of then and now, seventeen-year-old Hiroku weaves a story about emotional manipulation, abuse and addiction while struggling to understand the core of their relationship, who is to blame, and his own compulsion to choose Seth over everything else.
When fear is the heart of love, does it make your feelings any less real?
264 pages, Kindle Edition
First published June 7, 2018
18 people are currently reading
590 people want to read
About the author
Laura Lascarso
30 books502 followersMM+ AUTHOR | Romance so good it hurts
Laura Lascarso wants you to stay up way past your bedtime reading her stories. She aims to inspire more questions than answers in her fiction and believes in the power of storytelling to heal and transform a society.
When not writing, Laura can be found screaming “finish” on the soccer fields, rewatching Avatar: The Last Airbender, and trying to convince politicians to act on climate change. She lives in North Florida with her darling husband and two kids. She loves hearing from readers, and she’d be delighted to hear from you.
Join her Facebook group at www.facebook.com/groups/LaurasLounge
Sign up for her newsletter at www.lauralascarso.com
Laura Lascarso wants you to stay up way past your bedtime reading her stories. She aims to inspire more questions than answers in her fiction and believes in the power of storytelling to heal and transform a society.
When not writing, Laura can be found screaming “finish” on the soccer fields, rewatching Avatar: The Last Airbender, and trying to convince politicians to act on climate change. She lives in North Florida with her darling husband and two kids. She loves hearing from readers, and she’d be delighted to hear from you.
Join her Facebook group at www.facebook.com/groups/LaurasLounge
Sign up for her newsletter at www.lauralascarso.com
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 71 reviews
December 24, 2019
Buddy reread with Ele, Jan and Moony. Dec 2019.
Still one of the best book i have ever had the pleasure of reading. Hits harder the second time.
*********************************************
Infinity Stars for Hiroku.
This is one of those stories that will stay with me for life.
This is the story of Hiroku, told in his POV, taking the Now/Then format and how his first love went to shit. I can’t bring myself to write a proper review. I will try writing something though. Or just quote the damn book!
The first time I saw Seth Barrett, he was leaning against a chain-link fence with his fingers hooked on the metal, arms spread wide, and I remember thinking he reminded me of a tiger or some other large predator. Caged, for the time being.
I noticed him almost immediately though I pretended not to.
Like Hiroku, I noticed Seth too. I become addicted to him.
The characterization in this book is flawless. Miss, Laura created two of the best YA characters I have read to date. The growth, changes, mistakes that Hiroku and Seth go through felt so real; to a point you can’t help but see yourself through them.
“My name’s Seth Barrett.”
“What’s your name?” he asked me with a cocky tilt to his head.
“Hiroku Hayashi.” I was breathless when I said it. It wasn’t from exertion.
“Hiroku Hayashi.” He sculpted my name with a special attention to every syllable, a loving caress of tongue and lips around its shape. I’d never heard anyone say my name so beautifully before. “What a pretty name.” Seth smiled
The writing is flawless, I was hooked from the first chapter. I am becoming used to the present and past narration style, well, at least the ones well written. Both the main and the secondary characters are very well written. I loved that, i did not find any of the moments in this book OTT, there was no exaggeration here, just pure, realistic writing.
Hiroku and Seth, meet at a basketball court, Hiroku is a sophomore, Seth is a senior and a musician trying to form a band. From the moment they meet they both become infatuated with each other. Then we are taken through a painful journey of manipulation, obsession, drug addiction and teenage stupid love affair. It is fascinated and painful to read. Seth’s obsession with Hiroku was so engaging to read, I hated him and loved him at the same time. He helped Hiroku come out of his shell and at the same time, molded him into a perfect puppet that he saw fit to play with.
I identified with Hiroku so much, I felt his pain, his stupid infatuation/teenage love for Seth, his need to fit in and be accepted. He is also a masochist. He kept putting up with Seth’s abuse, I wanted to shake him and tell him to open his eyes and leave, then again I understood him. Seth’s force and control was too much. I loved how the author wrote these two characters, they were not perfect, and they fed off their toxic relationship.
Perhaps I should just write Seth off as an asshole and our relationship as an utter disaster, but I’m afraid that if I don’t deconstruct it down to its individual components, I won’t be able to resist him in the future. I don’t want to fall into that same pattern of behavior because it’s not the drugs I fear most outside the walls of New Vistas.
It’s the temptation of Seth
This story is not a romance story, it is a love story of two teenagers who become addicted to each other to a point it becomes toxic. I do believe Seth and Hiroku loved each other, it just became too much.
“I love you more than anything else in this world,” Seth whispered with tears in his eyes, but I was a helium balloon, and he was so far away and getting smaller and more irrelevant by the second.
There was no room in my mind for Seth or anything else. All of that space was taken up by this all-encompassing and otherworldly pleasure.
“Hallelujah,” I uttered as my soul escaped my body.
It was better than falling in love.
This is my second YA book written by Laura, and I have officially become a STAN. This woman knows how to write YA shit!
A big Thank you to the Mischievous ElfMinx for this gift.
Still one of the best book i have ever had the pleasure of reading. Hits harder the second time.
*********************************************
Infinity Stars for Hiroku.
This is one of those stories that will stay with me for life.
This is the story of Hiroku, told in his POV, taking the Now/Then format and how his first love went to shit. I can’t bring myself to write a proper review. I will try writing something though. Or just quote the damn book!
The first time I saw Seth Barrett, he was leaning against a chain-link fence with his fingers hooked on the metal, arms spread wide, and I remember thinking he reminded me of a tiger or some other large predator. Caged, for the time being.
I noticed him almost immediately though I pretended not to.
Like Hiroku, I noticed Seth too. I become addicted to him.
The characterization in this book is flawless. Miss, Laura created two of the best YA characters I have read to date. The growth, changes, mistakes that Hiroku and Seth go through felt so real; to a point you can’t help but see yourself through them.
“My name’s Seth Barrett.”
“What’s your name?” he asked me with a cocky tilt to his head.
“Hiroku Hayashi.” I was breathless when I said it. It wasn’t from exertion.
“Hiroku Hayashi.” He sculpted my name with a special attention to every syllable, a loving caress of tongue and lips around its shape. I’d never heard anyone say my name so beautifully before. “What a pretty name.” Seth smiled
The writing is flawless, I was hooked from the first chapter. I am becoming used to the present and past narration style, well, at least the ones well written. Both the main and the secondary characters are very well written. I loved that, i did not find any of the moments in this book OTT, there was no exaggeration here, just pure, realistic writing.
Hiroku and Seth, meet at a basketball court, Hiroku is a sophomore, Seth is a senior and a musician trying to form a band. From the moment they meet they both become infatuated with each other. Then we are taken through a painful journey of manipulation, obsession, drug addiction and teenage stupid love affair. It is fascinated and painful to read. Seth’s obsession with Hiroku was so engaging to read, I hated him and loved him at the same time. He helped Hiroku come out of his shell and at the same time, molded him into a perfect puppet that he saw fit to play with.
I identified with Hiroku so much, I felt his pain, his stupid infatuation/teenage love for Seth, his need to fit in and be accepted. He is also a masochist. He kept putting up with Seth’s abuse, I wanted to shake him and tell him to open his eyes and leave, then again I understood him. Seth’s force and control was too much. I loved how the author wrote these two characters, they were not perfect, and they fed off their toxic relationship.
Perhaps I should just write Seth off as an asshole and our relationship as an utter disaster, but I’m afraid that if I don’t deconstruct it down to its individual components, I won’t be able to resist him in the future. I don’t want to fall into that same pattern of behavior because it’s not the drugs I fear most outside the walls of New Vistas.
It’s the temptation of Seth
This story is not a romance story, it is a love story of two teenagers who become addicted to each other to a point it becomes toxic. I do believe Seth and Hiroku loved each other, it just became too much.
“I love you more than anything else in this world,” Seth whispered with tears in his eyes, but I was a helium balloon, and he was so far away and getting smaller and more irrelevant by the second.
There was no room in my mind for Seth or anything else. All of that space was taken up by this all-encompassing and otherworldly pleasure.
“Hallelujah,” I uttered as my soul escaped my body.
It was better than falling in love.
This is my second YA book written by Laura, and I have officially become a STAN. This woman knows how to write YA shit!
A big Thank you to the Mischievous ElfMinx for this gift.
May 26, 2018
4.5
A powerful story of an all consuming,almost obsessive love...
A prequel to The Bravest Thing, this is Hiroku and Seth's story.
Hiroku is only 15 when the story starts but don't let that put you off.Laura Lascarso is one of the best Authors at writing YA,her characters have such a maturity about them and Hiroku's age is important here as he falls prey to Seth who is a few years older.
An encounter on a basketball court that will set in motion a story of emotional manipulation,abuse,and addiction and Hiroku's life will never be the same...
Hiroku has been brought up in quite a strict Japanese family.He studies hard and is determined to make something of his life but the lure of a sexy as sin wanna be Rock Star proves to be far too tempting as he falls under Seth's spell.
Their love is passionate,intense and,at times,highly dysfunctional.
Seth is the classic manipulator and at first Hiroku is too mesmerized to realize,but how long before things escalate? And,escalate they do in dramatic fashion.A game of cat and mouse and at times it's difficult to decide who's the cat and who's the mouse as Seth's actions cause Hiroku to try and take control of the relationship on his terms.The downward spiral is hard to read at times as Hiroku's addiction to not just Seth takes hold but it's powerfully portrayed.
The story is told only through Hiroku and I'm not joking when I say I'm going to harass the Author to get Seth's story.The classic bad boy,not many will love him but I found his character fascinating.
This most definitely isn't a sweet romantic story.It's gritty and the Author certainly doesn't hold back and it's just the kind of story I absolutely love...
Favourite quotes:
Highly Recommended.
Review copy provided
Even if our love was a poison slowly consuming us,that didn't make it any less potent.
A powerful story of an all consuming,almost obsessive love...
A prequel to The Bravest Thing, this is Hiroku and Seth's story.
Hiroku is only 15 when the story starts but don't let that put you off.Laura Lascarso is one of the best Authors at writing YA,her characters have such a maturity about them and Hiroku's age is important here as he falls prey to Seth who is a few years older.
An encounter on a basketball court that will set in motion a story of emotional manipulation,abuse,and addiction and Hiroku's life will never be the same...
Hiroku has been brought up in quite a strict Japanese family.He studies hard and is determined to make something of his life but the lure of a sexy as sin wanna be Rock Star proves to be far too tempting as he falls under Seth's spell.
Their love is passionate,intense and,at times,highly dysfunctional.
Seth is the classic manipulator and at first Hiroku is too mesmerized to realize,but how long before things escalate? And,escalate they do in dramatic fashion.A game of cat and mouse and at times it's difficult to decide who's the cat and who's the mouse as Seth's actions cause Hiroku to try and take control of the relationship on his terms.The downward spiral is hard to read at times as Hiroku's addiction to not just Seth takes hold but it's powerfully portrayed.
The story is told only through Hiroku and I'm not joking when I say I'm going to harass the Author to get Seth's story.The classic bad boy,not many will love him but I found his character fascinating.
This most definitely isn't a sweet romantic story.It's gritty and the Author certainly doesn't hold back and it's just the kind of story I absolutely love...
Favourite quotes:
“You’re my muse,” Seth said. “I want you with me all the time.”
I wanted to be used by him, but I didn’t want to be discarded.
But I am like water with no structure of my own. I take on the shape of whatever container holds me and without it, I struggle to know who or what I am. And that’s why, even when I knew it was wrong and that he was bad for me, that we were bad for each other, I chose him. Because Seth understood me(...)
But with Seth, I was rock ‘n’ roll Barbie with my black leather pants and dudedup hair, eyeliner when I was feeling myself. Hanging out with the band or going to shows or serving as Seth’s living, breathing accessory.
“You’ve been walking around in this all night. Tempting me. I’ve held out as long as I possibly can. I’ll give you anything you want. Gold, diamonds,(...)
My body was his, but my mind and soul had been claimed by another master.
Highly Recommended.
Review copy provided
January 1, 2020
Re-edited 01/01/2020
***** 5 Addictive Stars *****
Re-read - Dec 2019
Intense, powerful and consuming.
Loved it as much as the first time.
Thank you Ele, Moony and Shile for this ride! Sorry about my 🐌 pace. 😖
Original review, 10/JUN/2018
I feel like I’ve been waiting for this forever, since I finished The Bravest Thing, exactly one year ago, lusting over Seth’s intense and fascinating character.
A big thank you to, Laura Lascarso for being brave enough to write such a risky and unconventional love story, giving us a chance to dive in, in what was and represented Seth and Hiroku *cough* complex relationship.
Our MCs:
Seth,
an attractive senior with a bad boy reputation,
an extremely appealing “bad wrong attitude”
and with a special knack for manipulation.
Seth met Hiroku and was obsessed with him.
Hiroku, a kind and sweet boy brought up by a rigid and conservative family was totally disarmed in his innocence when charmed by Seth. The powerful fascination Seth had over him made it impossible for Hiroku to fight against the chaos that Seth would inflict in his life later.
Holy shit. This was incredibly done. The vicious cycle of abuse, the picture of a destructive and unhealthy relationship, based on fear, mistrust, lies and power struggles.
Seth pushed and pushed testing Hiroku’s defenses until its limit, seeking power and control to feed his obsession.
Hiroku was completely captivated by Seth’s risky behavior and dazzled by the attention he awakened in Seth, he couldn’t resist Seth’s sinful temptation.
If you have read The Bravest Thing, you know this wouldn’t be pretty. From psychological and physical abuse, manipulation, drug addiction, to the lowest someone could sink.
But if you haven't, read Hiroku first.
Hiroku went beyond my expectations. It was intense, powerful and scary, it had depth in spades and felt extremely real.
Laura Lascarso is an auto buy author to me. One of the best at writing YA.
***** 5 Addictive Stars *****
Re-read - Dec 2019
Intense, powerful and consuming.
Loved it as much as the first time.
Thank you Ele, Moony and Shile for this ride! Sorry about my 🐌 pace. 😖
Original review, 10/JUN/2018
I feel like I’ve been waiting for this forever, since I finished The Bravest Thing, exactly one year ago, lusting over Seth’s intense and fascinating character.
A big thank you to, Laura Lascarso for being brave enough to write such a risky and unconventional love story, giving us a chance to dive in, in what was and represented Seth and Hiroku *cough* complex relationship.
Our MCs:
Seth,
an attractive senior with a bad boy reputation,
an extremely appealing “bad wrong attitude”
and with a special knack for manipulation.
Seth met Hiroku and was obsessed with him.
Hiroku, a kind and sweet boy brought up by a rigid and conservative family was totally disarmed in his innocence when charmed by Seth. The powerful fascination Seth had over him made it impossible for Hiroku to fight against the chaos that Seth would inflict in his life later.
Holy shit. This was incredibly done. The vicious cycle of abuse, the picture of a destructive and unhealthy relationship, based on fear, mistrust, lies and power struggles.
Seth pushed and pushed testing Hiroku’s defenses until its limit, seeking power and control to feed his obsession.
Hiroku was completely captivated by Seth’s risky behavior and dazzled by the attention he awakened in Seth, he couldn’t resist Seth’s sinful temptation.
If you have read The Bravest Thing, you know this wouldn’t be pretty. From psychological and physical abuse, manipulation, drug addiction, to the lowest someone could sink.
But if you haven't, read Hiroku first.
Hiroku went beyond my expectations. It was intense, powerful and scary, it had depth in spades and felt extremely real.
Laura Lascarso is an auto buy author to me. One of the best at writing YA.
June 15, 2018
From the very beginning I was completely captivated by this story. It felt very honest and real.
I loved Hiroku even more in this one. And yes, I loved Seth. I loved learning more about him. He is one of the most fascinating characters I've read about.
The way their intense and complex relationship is shown is incredible.
I loved Hiroku even more in this one. And yes, I loved Seth. I loved learning more about him. He is one of the most fascinating characters I've read about.
The way their intense and complex relationship is shown is incredible.
April 21, 2021
4 Solid Stars
Fear is the heart of love.
Told in single POV, 1st person, it can be read as a standalone novel but there is a sequence to this story as the "Bravest Thing". This was my first read by this author and wow, it was really, really good! I was hooked from the beginning. At first, it was supposed to be a remarkable love story but with each step, the story took another route. This story started off as an innocent love, then said love becoming guarded, suspicious, and at some point so bitter. A series of manipulations, a poison that slowly consuming the MCs. At first, I couldn’t see the controlling tendencies, the manipulations, and humiliations but then when the fog got away, it became so clear to me. At those moments I was like Hiroku, I couldn’t see more than the façade. I didn’t blame Hiroku for his choices, he just wanted a place to belong, right?! And as for Seth, I don’t know what to say or think. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to justify him but he needed help! I wish I know what’s gonna happen to him. I’d like to see his road to recovery as well! This story is well-written, alternating between Then and Now, angsty and more importantly feels real. All in all, I enjoyed it and hope you like it as well!
Fear is the heart of love.
Told in single POV, 1st person, it can be read as a standalone novel but there is a sequence to this story as the "Bravest Thing". This was my first read by this author and wow, it was really, really good! I was hooked from the beginning. At first, it was supposed to be a remarkable love story but with each step, the story took another route. This story started off as an innocent love, then said love becoming guarded, suspicious, and at some point so bitter. A series of manipulations, a poison that slowly consuming the MCs. At first, I couldn’t see the controlling tendencies, the manipulations, and humiliations but then when the fog got away, it became so clear to me. At those moments I was like Hiroku, I couldn’t see more than the façade. I didn’t blame Hiroku for his choices, he just wanted a place to belong, right?! And as for Seth, I don’t know what to say or think. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to justify him but he needed help! I wish I know what’s gonna happen to him. I’d like to see his road to recovery as well! This story is well-written, alternating between Then and Now, angsty and more importantly feels real. All in all, I enjoyed it and hope you like it as well!
February 6, 2020
(after first read) I would say rtc, but I’m not sure if I’ll be up for it. I might never be okay again. Thanks to the several friends whose reviews pushed this one to the top of my list. I love you and I hate you. 🙃
~~~~~~~~~~~~
(10 days later) I'm still thinking about Hiroku and his story at least a few times per day. I'm not sure I've ever had a character stick with me so fiercely.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
(sometime around my second read) After reading this perfect review, I may just retire from review writing indefinitely. This one too omg.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
CONGRATS to Laura and Hiroku for winning this year's Rainbow Awards: Best Gay Young Adult. This is one of the most underrated books I have ever read, and it deserves all the praise and attention.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
(10 days later) I'm still thinking about Hiroku and his story at least a few times per day. I'm not sure I've ever had a character stick with me so fiercely.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
(sometime around my second read) After reading this perfect review, I may just retire from review writing indefinitely. This one too omg.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
CONGRATS to Laura and Hiroku for winning this year's Rainbow Awards: Best Gay Young Adult. This is one of the most underrated books I have ever read, and it deserves all the praise and attention.
August 18, 2021
"I love you so much, Hiroku." It wasn't the first time he'd said it, but it was the first time I truly believed it, all the way down to my marrow.
"I love you too, Seth."
"Please don't ever leave," he begged.
"I won't."
this book was beautifully painful from start to finish. deals with abuse, drug overdose, manipulation, and cheating. following hiroku's life as a fifteen year old freshman who just wanted to fit in and to be able to belong was heartbreaking. and with his relationship with seth barrett, he got what he wanted and he regretted it all the same. i was swimming in pain and toxicity in this. the best part of this story that chilled me was how hiroku admitted that he somehow created and nurtured his own demise. i lived. i thrived. i gagged. basically this one of those stories that will surely haunt me. reminds me of daisy jones & the six? maybe just me. excited for the sequel! will give that one a go after i calmed myself. because right now i am still full blown tearing up while coldplay's fix you and the scientist are blasting from my earphones. the emotions! ugh lascarso is such a phenomenal. might give the orlando books another try too!!
my Laura Lascarso collection:
Master's Shiavo - 5 stars
Hiroku - 5 stars
A Soft Touch - 4 stars
November 30, 2019
I love reading about flawed people finding each other and building a relationship out of love, communication, respect, and loyalty. I love seeing them learn how to be something good together, building each other up and navigating the ups and downs of life as a team, while maintaining their own individuality.
I didn’t find that in this book.
Well, I did find flawed people. And ups and downs. And love, too, in a way that I can’t elaborate much about without spoilers.
This was one of the most dysfunctional relationships I’ve ever read about and I’m glad I went into it completely blind, because I wouldn’t have read it otherwise.
Why the 5 stars, then, you might wonder. For a couple of reasons.
Above all, because while this is one of the most dysfunctional relationships I’ve ever read about, it is also one of the most realistically depicted ones I’ve ever encountered in a book. The writing is excellent, the characterization off the charts. Nothing that happened here ever felt contrived; I never had the feeling that the author was turning the drama up to elicit an emotional response from me. This story didn’t need to be “pumped up,” it spoke for itself in all its raw reality.
If anything, I’m grateful for the way it was delivered. The structure, the writing, I don’t know precisely what, but something in the way this story was told made it possible for me to experience it without raging at the characters, cursing the author for writing it and myself for ever picking it up.
That’s not to say that reading it gave me much pleasure, but I wouldn’t change a thing. That’s another reason for my rating, along with the fact that, despite everything, I closed the book with a deep feeling of hope.
Last but not least, this book made me stop and think, and I don’t mean only about the characters and their story, and only in relation to what I needed to elaborate to make sense of them and my reaction to their story in order to write this review. It made me stop and think about things I’ve never thought much about and about things I already knew, but never saw from this perspective. It made me look at those things from other angles and that’s always something to treasure.
It’s also one of the many reasons I read, but unfortunately it doesn’t happen often. For that reason alone, this book would get a high rating from me, but it’s really easy to give it the highest one because it wasn’t only that. This is the full package. The Goodreads rating system describes the 5 stars rating as “it was amazing.” I think a better fitting word for this story would be “remarkable.”
- - - - -
Special thanks to Moony and Jan for looking out for me and making sure I had a support system even before I knew I would need one.
I didn’t find that in this book.
Well, I did find flawed people. And ups and downs. And love, too, in a way that I can’t elaborate much about without spoilers.
This was one of the most dysfunctional relationships I’ve ever read about and I’m glad I went into it completely blind, because I wouldn’t have read it otherwise.
Why the 5 stars, then, you might wonder. For a couple of reasons.
Above all, because while this is one of the most dysfunctional relationships I’ve ever read about, it is also one of the most realistically depicted ones I’ve ever encountered in a book. The writing is excellent, the characterization off the charts. Nothing that happened here ever felt contrived; I never had the feeling that the author was turning the drama up to elicit an emotional response from me. This story didn’t need to be “pumped up,” it spoke for itself in all its raw reality.
If anything, I’m grateful for the way it was delivered. The structure, the writing, I don’t know precisely what, but something in the way this story was told made it possible for me to experience it without raging at the characters, cursing the author for writing it and myself for ever picking it up.
That’s not to say that reading it gave me much pleasure, but I wouldn’t change a thing. That’s another reason for my rating, along with the fact that, despite everything, I closed the book with a deep feeling of hope.
Last but not least, this book made me stop and think, and I don’t mean only about the characters and their story, and only in relation to what I needed to elaborate to make sense of them and my reaction to their story in order to write this review. It made me stop and think about things I’ve never thought much about and about things I already knew, but never saw from this perspective. It made me look at those things from other angles and that’s always something to treasure.
It’s also one of the many reasons I read, but unfortunately it doesn’t happen often. For that reason alone, this book would get a high rating from me, but it’s really easy to give it the highest one because it wasn’t only that. This is the full package. The Goodreads rating system describes the 5 stars rating as “it was amazing.” I think a better fitting word for this story would be “remarkable.”
- - - - -
Special thanks to Moony and Jan for looking out for me and making sure I had a support system even before I knew I would need one.
June 6, 2018
"This must be love."
"Why do you say that?"
"Because nothing has ever felt so fucking awful before."
"This isn't love, Seth, it's sobriety."
Readers interested in HIROKU who have never read anything by this author before.. I would highly recommend starting with THE BRAVEST THING and then backtracking to this. Yes, I realize this is the 'before' part of this story. But you need to understand what you're getting into before picking this one up. I'm not scaring you off but.. trust me. For those of you who found your way here without knowing any different, welcome! Please know it gets better in the next book. Mostly.
Perhaps I should just write Seth off as an asshole and our relationship as an utter disaster, but I'm afraid that if I don't deconstruct it down to its individual components, I won't be able to resist him in the future. I don't want to fall into that same pattern of behaviour because it's not the drugs I fear most [..]. It's the temptation of Seth.
Okay, so, when it comes to these characters, I am hugely biased. After reading THE BRAVEST THING earlier this year, I was instantly obsessed. The characters in that story, the heroes and the villains, haunted me. I couldn't stop thinking about them. I was totally in love with the author's writing. I just couldn't let go. After discovering a first chapter look at a possible prequel on Lascarso's website, I was fascinated by a deeper look into Seth's character, into the relationship that had developed, the toxic elements, the abuse, the drugs that started it all. Discovering shortly thereafter that she was actually working on a full length..? I was here for it. And when it was finally in my hands? It was so much more than I expected.
Seth was like that dinosaur in Jurassic Park nudging the electric fence with its nose in order to find its weak spot, only in this case the fence was my psyche.
In a perfect world you never want to feel for a villain. You don't want to see their side of things or have them expose a vulnerable underbelly to your gaze. But this isn't a perfect world and Seth, like so many things, has many sides to him. Many shades. And so, too, does Hiroku. It would be so easy to paint Hiroku as a victim in the escalation of his relationship with Seth; point out his youth, his innocence, the fact that it was Seth who exposed him to the drugs, who won him over with manipulations and promises after breaking so many.. but what makes this story even more fascinating is the whole narrative is Hiroku looking back at what happened, reliving, criticizing and observing, even pointing out where he went wrong, too.
I couldn't win against him in an argument, but I was an expert at the silent treatment. My frosty silence was my protest.
This is a story that shows blame without also leaving the narrator blameless. It makes it difficult to take, at times, but that realness makes it all the more compelling, the more enthralling, and the more tragic. It was raw, a little brutal, but could be equally sweet and wonderful. Often the worst parts were the acknowledgement of where things could have gone, the potential for better, and the moments where everything just.. worked.
If I only told the good stories about Seth, he'd seem like a regular Prince Charming, and if I only told the bad, he would more closely resemble a monster. Neither representation is fair.
Similar to THE BRAVEST THING, this is a story featuring young adults but in a mature setting, and this time we're starting off even younger. At the onset of this novel, Hiroku is fifteen and while the story spans two years, the focus is on those early days of of the relationship. Like all good love stories, we have attraction and seduction, but we also cross over into corruption, coercion, manipulation, obsession, addiction, shame.. and everything in between. There are good times and bad times, then even worse times, but the story is told with open eyes, half from the vantage point of recovery, and with the hope for a better future away from temptation and bad habits.
It would be so much easier if we could all be blameless in our addictions. But if that were the case, then we'd have no power to stop it from happening again. To have the strength to say no. What an awesome and terrifying responsibility.
While I highly recommend this story, and I applaud the author for writing something honest and gritty and brave and real, I know it won't be for everyone. My advice? Try THE BRAVEST THING to test the waters. Bonus? It's also fabulous (incase I hadn't yet made that clear enough).
4.5 "I wanted to be used by him, but I didn't want to be discarded" stars
** I received an ARC from the author (thank you!) in exchange for an honest review. **
"Why do you say that?"
"Because nothing has ever felt so fucking awful before."
"This isn't love, Seth, it's sobriety."
Readers interested in HIROKU who have never read anything by this author before.. I would highly recommend starting with THE BRAVEST THING and then backtracking to this. Yes, I realize this is the 'before' part of this story. But you need to understand what you're getting into before picking this one up. I'm not scaring you off but.. trust me. For those of you who found your way here without knowing any different, welcome! Please know it gets better in the next book. Mostly.
Perhaps I should just write Seth off as an asshole and our relationship as an utter disaster, but I'm afraid that if I don't deconstruct it down to its individual components, I won't be able to resist him in the future. I don't want to fall into that same pattern of behaviour because it's not the drugs I fear most [..]. It's the temptation of Seth.
Okay, so, when it comes to these characters, I am hugely biased. After reading THE BRAVEST THING earlier this year, I was instantly obsessed. The characters in that story, the heroes and the villains, haunted me. I couldn't stop thinking about them. I was totally in love with the author's writing. I just couldn't let go. After discovering a first chapter look at a possible prequel on Lascarso's website, I was fascinated by a deeper look into Seth's character, into the relationship that had developed, the toxic elements, the abuse, the drugs that started it all. Discovering shortly thereafter that she was actually working on a full length..? I was here for it. And when it was finally in my hands? It was so much more than I expected.
Seth was like that dinosaur in Jurassic Park nudging the electric fence with its nose in order to find its weak spot, only in this case the fence was my psyche.
In a perfect world you never want to feel for a villain. You don't want to see their side of things or have them expose a vulnerable underbelly to your gaze. But this isn't a perfect world and Seth, like so many things, has many sides to him. Many shades. And so, too, does Hiroku. It would be so easy to paint Hiroku as a victim in the escalation of his relationship with Seth; point out his youth, his innocence, the fact that it was Seth who exposed him to the drugs, who won him over with manipulations and promises after breaking so many.. but what makes this story even more fascinating is the whole narrative is Hiroku looking back at what happened, reliving, criticizing and observing, even pointing out where he went wrong, too.
I couldn't win against him in an argument, but I was an expert at the silent treatment. My frosty silence was my protest.
This is a story that shows blame without also leaving the narrator blameless. It makes it difficult to take, at times, but that realness makes it all the more compelling, the more enthralling, and the more tragic. It was raw, a little brutal, but could be equally sweet and wonderful. Often the worst parts were the acknowledgement of where things could have gone, the potential for better, and the moments where everything just.. worked.
If I only told the good stories about Seth, he'd seem like a regular Prince Charming, and if I only told the bad, he would more closely resemble a monster. Neither representation is fair.
Similar to THE BRAVEST THING, this is a story featuring young adults but in a mature setting, and this time we're starting off even younger. At the onset of this novel, Hiroku is fifteen and while the story spans two years, the focus is on those early days of of the relationship. Like all good love stories, we have attraction and seduction, but we also cross over into corruption, coercion, manipulation, obsession, addiction, shame.. and everything in between. There are good times and bad times, then even worse times, but the story is told with open eyes, half from the vantage point of recovery, and with the hope for a better future away from temptation and bad habits.
It would be so much easier if we could all be blameless in our addictions. But if that were the case, then we'd have no power to stop it from happening again. To have the strength to say no. What an awesome and terrifying responsibility.
While I highly recommend this story, and I applaud the author for writing something honest and gritty and brave and real, I know it won't be for everyone. My advice? Try THE BRAVEST THING to test the waters. Bonus? It's also fabulous (incase I hadn't yet made that clear enough).
4.5 "I wanted to be used by him, but I didn't want to be discarded" stars
** I received an ARC from the author (thank you!) in exchange for an honest review. **
April 20, 2021
Hiroku is an unflinchingly honest story about twisted love, obsession, the persistent cycle of abuse, mental illness and addiction. Addiction to a person. Addiction to drugs. Both are damaging and destructive forces in the life of our narrator, Hiroku. It is told in first person narration alternating between the then and now. Many times throughout reading I had to take a break and watch some reality TV because of the content of this book. It is not a light and easy read or a feel-good story. To me, even in Seth and Hiroku’s ‘happy’ moments, there was always this level of underlying tension where I felt like everything was going to go up in flames within minutes.
Seth was a roaring house-fire, and I was a match, burnt-up.
Hiroku questions his own actions and if he is truly blameless in all of the chaos that ensues. Is he the hunter as much as he is the hunted?
Afterward Seth got me high, and I told him I loved him. I may have even meant it. You tell me, who was the monster now?"
This is a story about co-dependency and unequal power dynamics. This is a story about a relationship that never began on an equal playing field to begin with. With outstanding writing and vivid characterization, I believe this book to be well worth your time.
"This must be love."
"Why do you say that?"
"Because nothing has ever felt so fucking awful before."
"This isn’t love, Seth, it’s sobriety."
This book is the prequel to The Bravest Thing.
Seth was a roaring house-fire, and I was a match, burnt-up.
Hiroku questions his own actions and if he is truly blameless in all of the chaos that ensues. Is he the hunter as much as he is the hunted?
Afterward Seth got me high, and I told him I loved him. I may have even meant it. You tell me, who was the monster now?"
This is a story about co-dependency and unequal power dynamics. This is a story about a relationship that never began on an equal playing field to begin with. With outstanding writing and vivid characterization, I believe this book to be well worth your time.
"This must be love."
"Why do you say that?"
"Because nothing has ever felt so fucking awful before."
"This isn’t love, Seth, it’s sobriety."
This book is the prequel to The Bravest Thing.
December 17, 2022
This is not a romance. It’s the story of abuse, of a toxic relationship. It’s a story of addiction. It’s rising and falling in the abyss, and climbing your way back out. I fell in love with Hiroku, as he told his story with his beautiful candid voice.
This is a hard read. Hiroku is 15 at the beginning of the book, 17 at the end. Be warned. It’s raw and brutal.
“Wouldn’t you rather come over here though?” Seth purred into the phone. “We can order in. I’ll undress you with my teeth, tie you up to the bedposts, and fuck your brains out, and then we’ll get high together? Doesn’t that sound like more fun, baby?”
Hiroku’s words were so real, so honest, that I fell in love with Seth as he was falling. Seth broke my heart too. Again and again.
If you looked at our relationship from very far away, like through a telescope, where you could only see a small sliver of it, it was so very beautiful.
Laura Lascarso has a magical way with words, keeping you captive into her world and her characters.
But with each passing day, Seth’s influence over me gets a little weaker, the memories a little dimmer, and the cravings a little less sharp.
As a romance reader, I waited forever before reading this. I knew what I was getting into and I wasn’t ready. This is not a romance. But still. I’m wondering, where is Hiroku’s HEA?
I’m starting book 2, and I hope Hiroku finds happiness and dare I say love? He is so strong, so brave, but still so young.
This is a hard read. Hiroku is 15 at the beginning of the book, 17 at the end. Be warned. It’s raw and brutal.
“Wouldn’t you rather come over here though?” Seth purred into the phone. “We can order in. I’ll undress you with my teeth, tie you up to the bedposts, and fuck your brains out, and then we’ll get high together? Doesn’t that sound like more fun, baby?”
Hiroku’s words were so real, so honest, that I fell in love with Seth as he was falling. Seth broke my heart too. Again and again.
If you looked at our relationship from very far away, like through a telescope, where you could only see a small sliver of it, it was so very beautiful.
Laura Lascarso has a magical way with words, keeping you captive into her world and her characters.
But with each passing day, Seth’s influence over me gets a little weaker, the memories a little dimmer, and the cravings a little less sharp.
As a romance reader, I waited forever before reading this. I knew what I was getting into and I wasn’t ready. This is not a romance. But still. I’m wondering, where is Hiroku’s HEA?
I’m starting book 2, and I hope Hiroku finds happiness and dare I say love? He is so strong, so brave, but still so young.
February 6, 2020
***Edit/Addition below***
I finished reading this yesterday and I'm still not quite sure I can coherently express how much I loved it or why. I'm super grateful to good friends aka Moony who nudge me to try things I skirt around like YA.
Laura Lascarso has gifted us with the story of Hiroku Hayashi (such a beautiful name) a teenager who at 15 feels more alien than most. He's a first generation Japanese-American living in Austin, Tx., he's an artist, which by nature makes him an outsider, and he's coming to terms with the fact that he's likely gay. I am none of those things yet I felt a kinship with Hiroku's story because to quote Publius Terentius (Afer): "nothing human is alien to me" and Hiroku is one the most human characters I've recently encountered. Same goes for Seth, the catalyst for Hiroku's highs and lows.
I could say a whole lot about this story: how Hiroku & Seth's all consuming need for each other felt like walking around with an open wound you don't want to heal because it's what makes you feel alive, how though I could see the pitfalls that awaited them I didn't want to get off the ride because I remember, all too clearly, that type of relationship where you can't see beyond your lover's skin and you don't want to, even when your saner self is sending distress signals, how despite events in the story I didn't feel like there were true villains here, just kids growing up, some in need of some serious comeuppance and correction but ultimately just humans. Other than that I'd say you should just experience this beautiful story, let your heart beat a little faster, and wonder whatever happened to that first person who made your insides liquid mush. It's a good thing.
Besides Hiroku and Seth the story is full of people I wouldn't mind knowing in RL. Mai and Mitchell are two of those still waters who run deep and true, to say nothing of Sabrina, a good friend even in extremis. The cherry on top of all this goodness of lyrical and authentic writing is one the most ridiculously beautiful covers I've seen in a while. Just gorgeous.
Plus, plus, plus ... : I would have LL DJ any party or compile a road trip playlist. The music selection in this book is dead-on and adds an extra layer to the narrative, so dust off your Violent Femmes and crank up your Neil Young, your soul will thank you.
I finished reading this yesterday and I'm still not quite sure I can coherently express how much I loved it or why. I'm super grateful to good friends aka Moony who nudge me to try things I skirt around like YA.
Laura Lascarso has gifted us with the story of Hiroku Hayashi (such a beautiful name) a teenager who at 15 feels more alien than most. He's a first generation Japanese-American living in Austin, Tx., he's an artist, which by nature makes him an outsider, and he's coming to terms with the fact that he's likely gay. I am none of those things yet I felt a kinship with Hiroku's story because to quote Publius Terentius (Afer): "nothing human is alien to me" and Hiroku is one the most human characters I've recently encountered. Same goes for Seth, the catalyst for Hiroku's highs and lows.
I could say a whole lot about this story: how Hiroku & Seth's all consuming need for each other felt like walking around with an open wound you don't want to heal because it's what makes you feel alive, how though I could see the pitfalls that awaited them I didn't want to get off the ride because I remember, all too clearly, that type of relationship where you can't see beyond your lover's skin and you don't want to, even when your saner self is sending distress signals, how despite events in the story I didn't feel like there were true villains here, just kids growing up, some in need of some serious comeuppance and correction but ultimately just humans. Other than that I'd say you should just experience this beautiful story, let your heart beat a little faster, and wonder whatever happened to that first person who made your insides liquid mush. It's a good thing.
Besides Hiroku and Seth the story is full of people I wouldn't mind knowing in RL. Mai and Mitchell are two of those still waters who run deep and true, to say nothing of Sabrina, a good friend even in extremis. The cherry on top of all this goodness of lyrical and authentic writing is one the most ridiculously beautiful covers I've seen in a while. Just gorgeous.
Plus, plus, plus ... : I would have LL DJ any party or compile a road trip playlist. The music selection in this book is dead-on and adds an extra layer to the narrative, so dust off your Violent Femmes and crank up your Neil Young, your soul will thank you.
July 28, 2018
If you're looking for a nice romance, forget this book. If you're looking for a story of Alpha male and nice beta, forget this novel too. Because it's a story about abuse, emotional manipulation and addiction: over-reliance of a naive young man, Hiroku, on a bipolar, narcissistic and abusive one, Seth, and hard drug dependency. And this novel has no happy ending.
In fact, this story, told from Hiroku's point of view in present (Now) and past (Then) tense, is very realistic. Therefore, as in real life, we don't know what the future will be for the MCs. I even wondered at some point if the author didn't directly (herself) or indirectly (a lover) suffer abuse or from addiction since she manages so well to make us believe in every dialogue, each gesture, all the bad choices made and even the most terrible decision.
All I can add to that is that some of us so desperately need to be loved that they can fall for anyone who can convince them of their good intentions and feelings for them.
If Seth had that head (below), was a talented composer, good guitarist and inspiring singer, and was very convincing and seductive, would you have resisted him very long if you didn’t know what this relationship would entail and where it would lead you?
In fact, this story, told from Hiroku's point of view in present (Now) and past (Then) tense, is very realistic. Therefore, as in real life, we don't know what the future will be for the MCs. I even wondered at some point if the author didn't directly (herself) or indirectly (a lover) suffer abuse or from addiction since she manages so well to make us believe in every dialogue, each gesture, all the bad choices made and even the most terrible decision.
“...when his eyes found mine, we dialed in, and his words took on a new meaning.”
“But I am like water with no structure of my own. I take on the shape of whatever container holds me and without it, I struggle to know who or what I am.”
“[He was] like a vacuum slowly sucking my heart through the gaps in my ribcage and tearing it open in the process.”
“Don’t make yourself less for anyone. It is your opponent who has to be more.”
“‘This isn’t love, Seth,’ I told him with a bubble of optimism I hadn’t experienced in a while. ‘It’s sobriety.’”
All I can add to that is that some of us so desperately need to be loved that they can fall for anyone who can convince them of their good intentions and feelings for them.
If Seth had that head (below), was a talented composer, good guitarist and inspiring singer, and was very convincing and seductive, would you have resisted him very long if you didn’t know what this relationship would entail and where it would lead you?
August 3, 2018
I was so lucky to read a review copy of this book, I had read The Bravest Thing last year, for me it was an incredibly moving story. When I heard there would be more I couldn’t have been happier. This book....there is so much depth of emotions as well as content. The MC is YA but the story is really more mature. It was so real, as unfortunate as the truly sad and hard parts of this book are that’s what is real & the writing is so fantastic for me I could feel the emotions. I still want more after reading both this book and TBT.
Laura Lascaruso is an auto-buy for me, a very special author. :)
Also see Judith’s & Truus’s reviews (they both have wonderful ones)
Laura Lascaruso is an auto-buy for me, a very special author. :)
Also see Judith’s & Truus’s reviews (they both have wonderful ones)
July 28, 2018
Wow! I couldn't put this book down. The abusive, dysfunctional relationship between Hiroku and Seth was like a siren's call at midnight. When I was not reading, I was thinking about Seth and Hiroku. Before sleep and after sleep, I was thinking about Seth and Hiroku. I completely became obsessed with their story.
Seth was the type of character I enjoy reading about, the yandere of Japanese manga culture, so obsessive with the object of his love that he would rather destroy his lover, than bear the thought of losing him. And Hiroku, so young and loving and ensnared in the clutches of a fallen angel, mistaking hell for paradise, broke my heart.
"The first time I saw Seth Barrett, he was leaning against a chain-link fence with his fingers hooked on the metal, arms spread wide, and I remember thinking he reminded me of a tiger or some other large predator. Caged, for the time being."
He was not a tiger, Hiroku, but a giant boa constrictor.
They fell in love, and Seth, who had a fear of abandonment, became ferociously possessive and obsessive with Hiroku. And Hiroku, who was only 15 gave him everything he had.
With each word, with each action, Seth looped his giant serpent tail around his lover, feeding his obsession with every portion of Hiroku's soul.
Seth hugged me tightly with one arm and grabbed the side of my head with his hand to draw me in closer. He whispered in my ear almost desperately, “I love you so much, Hiroku.”
When Hiroku tried to leave, Seth clung to him tighter.
“I love you, Hiroku,” Seth said in a choked voice. [...] All I ever see in my mind is you. I love you. You are the only person I want to be with, now and forever. You are so much more than a boyfriend to me, and I understand if you don’t want to be with me right now, but if I can’t have you in my life, even a little bit, then I just want to die.”
And when he felt him slipping through his fingers. he gave him drugs to take his free will away from him.
“I love you more than anything else in this world,” Seth whispered with tears in his eyes, but I was a helium balloon, and he was so far away and getting smaller and more irrelevant by the second.
This is not a romance, but the struggle of one boy to escape from a love so consuming it nearly killed him.
Laura Lascarso is one of my favorite YA writers and I think she improved her game with this book.
Don't skip The Bravest Thing. Hiroku's story continues, where he meets Berlin, the opposite of Seth who tries to bring him back to the light. But Seth's shadow is always there, clinging to him. For me it worked really well reading Hiroku first, then The Bravest Thing
Fully recommend this book.
Free exchange for an honest review under the DBML Program
January 22, 2021
Wow... I loved it ♥️
Even though it made me angry and drained me emotionally.
It’s impossible not to fall in love with Hiroku and feel compassionate to him because what he’s been through 💔
But for some weird reason I was stuck on Seth. It’s so easy to hate him, and for the most part I did. But I kept asking myself—Why? Why? WHY?!?.
He was the villain, but also the victim of his own mind. I would pay a lot of money for his own story 😂
I honestly don’t know why I’ve waited that long to read it. I seriously think this book is underrated.
Go read it! 🎉🎉
Even though it made me angry and drained me emotionally.
It’s impossible not to fall in love with Hiroku and feel compassionate to him because what he’s been through 💔
But for some weird reason I was stuck on Seth. It’s so easy to hate him, and for the most part I did. But I kept asking myself—Why? Why? WHY?!?.
He was the villain, but also the victim of his own mind. I would pay a lot of money for his own story 😂
I honestly don’t know why I’ve waited that long to read it. I seriously think this book is underrated.
Go read it! 🎉🎉
October 9, 2018
I haven't read any reviews beforehand, just caught some bits and pieces here and there. And my impression was that Seth was the bad guy who corrupted Hiroku. And that might be true. But perhaps I misjudged the situation a bit. Is he the only one at fault? Who was manipulating who exactly? And when exactly did their relationship started going downhill? Questions like these swarmed my head while I was reading, along with 'why, why, why?'
Half of this book is mostly high school drama. Boy meets boy, they fall in love, there's some conflict... etc.
But even then I was looking for clues, trying to determine if Seth really manipulated Hiroku from the beginning. And maybe he did, but unconsciously, until he must've realized he could actually do that, because it worked. Hiroku loved him that much, that he was blind to it. As they spent even more time together, little bits in Seth's behavior started jumping out at me, but the real game started when Hiroku And it wasn't just Seth who tried to get what he wanted anymore, but Hiroku too. His priorities shifted. I think at that point he wasn't even in love with Seth anymore. Not like Before. Seth's betrayal destroyed the trust Hiroku had in him. And once their promises were broken, that trust could not be regained.
But there was an unexpected development, and Seth's behavior might've made more sense. It doesn't justify his actions, but made it harder to actually hate him. (That is, until I reached the end. Coward!) I only read one book where the MC had . I haven't looked it up, but what I gathered from that one book is basically that they experience the highest highs and the lowest lows to the point where it gets life-threateningly dangerous. And since Seth didn't take medication, at least not prescribed meds, I wonder how much of his behavior could be blamed on his condition, cause he showed some manic behaviour.
Also I'm so frustrated. The MC's are still teenagers, and I just can't believe something like this could happen at their age. But just because they're young doesn't mean they're not capable of cruelty, abuse or manipulation, they just need the right (or wrong) motivation for it. And this isn't even the first book where I encountered such things, but it baffles me.
There are 2 timelines: 'Then' and 'Now', so in the beginning we already know the end result, but that just makes it more interesting. Knowing what happened but not knowing how they got there. It's weird because I have some experience with this scenario, and didn’t like it, but the chapters where Hiroku talks about his current situation were very short and didn't tell us much fact, mostly just his feelings.
It kind of felt like I was reading Hiroku's memoir, like he was trying to tell me, to make me understand how he got to this point.
The ending was pretty intense. And now I'm on to The Bravest Thing, though I'm not sure how much this boy can take.
“Who was right and who was wrong? It’d be so easy to make Seth the villain and me the victim, and place all the blame on his shoulders, but I’m not innocent. I knew what I was doing. I was mean too. And spiteful. Sometimes, I baited him. I definitely punished him."
Half of this book is mostly high school drama. Boy meets boy, they fall in love, there's some conflict... etc.
“This is the beginning of something remarkable.”
But even then I was looking for clues, trying to determine if Seth really manipulated Hiroku from the beginning. And maybe he did, but unconsciously, until he must've realized he could actually do that, because it worked. Hiroku loved him that much, that he was blind to it. As they spent even more time together, little bits in Seth's behavior started jumping out at me, but the real game started when Hiroku And it wasn't just Seth who tried to get what he wanted anymore, but Hiroku too. His priorities shifted. I think at that point he wasn't even in love with Seth anymore. Not like Before. Seth's betrayal destroyed the trust Hiroku had in him. And once their promises were broken, that trust could not be regained.
“Had I not given him everything he wanted? Was I not desirable, clever, available…enough for him? That was the only conclusion I could draw. All roads pointed to me not being enough.”
But there was an unexpected development, and Seth's behavior might've made more sense. It doesn't justify his actions, but made it harder to actually hate him. (That is, until I reached the end. Coward!) I only read one book where the MC had . I haven't looked it up, but what I gathered from that one book is basically that they experience the highest highs and the lowest lows to the point where it gets life-threateningly dangerous. And since Seth didn't take medication, at least not prescribed meds, I wonder how much of his behavior could be blamed on his condition, cause he showed some manic behaviour.
“What more do you want from me, Seth?”
“I want to put you in a cage, and only let you out to be with me.”
His pretty, little bird in a gilded cage. He may not have said it so plainly before, but it was something I’d always sensed: his obsessive demand for total dominion of my mind, body, and spirit.”
“It will never be over between us, Hiroku. Our souls are forever bound. When I call for you, you come to me. I made you—every single piece of you belongs to me—and however hard you try, you will never be rid of me.”
Also I'm so frustrated. The MC's are still teenagers, and I just can't believe something like this could happen at their age. But just because they're young doesn't mean they're not capable of cruelty, abuse or manipulation, they just need the right (or wrong) motivation for it. And this isn't even the first book where I encountered such things, but it baffles me.
There are 2 timelines: 'Then' and 'Now', so in the beginning we already know the end result, but that just makes it more interesting. Knowing what happened but not knowing how they got there. It's weird because I have some experience with this scenario, and didn’t like it, but the chapters where Hiroku talks about his current situation were very short and didn't tell us much fact, mostly just his feelings.
It kind of felt like I was reading Hiroku's memoir, like he was trying to tell me, to make me understand how he got to this point.
“The things we once gave freely to each other became the things we withheld until it was just a ledger of what was owed.”
The ending was pretty intense. And now I'm on to The Bravest Thing, though I'm not sure how much this boy can take.
May 16, 2018
This was a very remarkable read. Intense to the bone.
Deep moving, sometimes balancing at unbearable ..
Hiroku seduced by Seth in such a sweet way, you just can't resist him.
The intensity was sometimes overwhelming. I was absorbed by all those highs and lows...
Hiroku raised in a strict Japanese culture, where his creative mind was set to zero, because he had to be practical and efficient, he found a sort of freedom with Seth.
Through the whole story I've been kept on the edge of my chair... every revealing moment was liberating but at the same time it made me sad as in....I had to say goodbye ... I felt Hiroku's lost and his yearning.
The downward spiral was invoking his spirit and it was worse than I could imagine.
"a steep descent"
Power exchange and both act with a different purpose.
Questions are rising... who was the monster in this story..
"Fear is the heart of love."
This story is written in an incredible dedicated way, almost with purpose to build an awareness to understand.
Effective developed, it had a wave and a flow in it that glued me to the pages to read and read.
Hiroku's thoughts and overthinking were wonderful, the struggles, the decisions... I was in awe.
The desperate ways to survive, trying to coop, the desperate urge to be needed... I understand.
The story stayed always graceful, elegant and through the whole story all-consuming.
I was just like Hiroku.... I loved and hated Seth
Kindly received an arc from the author.
Deep moving, sometimes balancing at unbearable ..
Hiroku seduced by Seth in such a sweet way, you just can't resist him.
The intensity was sometimes overwhelming. I was absorbed by all those highs and lows...
Hiroku raised in a strict Japanese culture, where his creative mind was set to zero, because he had to be practical and efficient, he found a sort of freedom with Seth.
Through the whole story I've been kept on the edge of my chair... every revealing moment was liberating but at the same time it made me sad as in....I had to say goodbye ... I felt Hiroku's lost and his yearning.
The downward spiral was invoking his spirit and it was worse than I could imagine.
"a steep descent"
Power exchange and both act with a different purpose.
Questions are rising... who was the monster in this story..
"Fear is the heart of love."
This story is written in an incredible dedicated way, almost with purpose to build an awareness to understand.
Effective developed, it had a wave and a flow in it that glued me to the pages to read and read.
Hiroku's thoughts and overthinking were wonderful, the struggles, the decisions... I was in awe.
The desperate ways to survive, trying to coop, the desperate urge to be needed... I understand.
The story stayed always graceful, elegant and through the whole story all-consuming.
I was just like Hiroku.... I loved and hated Seth
Kindly received an arc from the author.
January 14, 2020
Holy crap, that was intense! I stayed up until 3:30 am to be able to finish this in one sitting.
My heart broke that Hiroku was put through the wringer at such a young age and that Seth was was able to be such a master manipulator so young too. The relationship was pretty much doomed from the start because Seth seemed like a narcissist and Hiroku was already codependent because of his need to please.
I can't say much more because I don't want to give spoilers away, but if you can handle a brutal relationship then I would definitely recommend it.
My heart broke that Hiroku was put through the wringer at such a young age and that Seth was was able to be such a master manipulator so young too. The relationship was pretty much doomed from the start because Seth seemed like a narcissist and Hiroku was already codependent because of his need to please.
I can't say much more because I don't want to give spoilers away, but if you can handle a brutal relationship then I would definitely recommend it.
August 4, 2018
“..............................” That’s me. Speechless after reading this heart wrenching, beautiful, tortured story written by an author who is becoming one of my favorites in the M/M genre.
Did this hurt? Yes. But the flawed characters Laura Lascarso so vividly created hurt much more than I did. Than I do, because I can’t stop thinking about him, Hiroku. About the other one, Seth. They are so very real and so very flawed that they sprung up for these pages as living specters for me to see. Gorgeous and terrible at once. I loved them both, in my way. I could sympathize with them both, in my way. But their reality, although filled with love and creativity, was one of manipulation, emotional and physical abuse, and drug addiction.
Told in a Now and Then narrative from Hiroku’s POV, spanning two years in this wreck of a relationship, we first meet Hiroku at 15. Seth, 17, sees him and wants him. Seth seduces him, and thus begins the slow descent into abuse. Little by little, Seth begins to shape and mold Hiroku to his liking. But as far as Hiroku is concerned, this is nothing. He’s happy to feel accepted, desired, admired even. But why is everyone telling him that he deserves better?
Seth, a senior at Hiroku’s school, has a reputation for sleeping around and abusing drugs. He also has a rock band. Soon, Hiroku plays an important role in writing songs, creating logos, and photographing the band. Over time, his need for Seth escalates just as Seth’s need to control Hiroku becomes all-encompassing. Seth pushes Hiroku for more: more time with him. At times Hiroku does push back, but it’s Seth who always wins these mini tug-o-wars.
Hiroku is now sneaking out at night to see the band play, to sleep with Seth. He’s lying to his friends, his sister, his strict Japanese parents, and to himself. Their relationship comes to a breaking point due to Seth’s actions (no spoiler for you!). Yet, Hiroku can’t resist Seth’s pull, and this time Seth yanks him into addiction.
The Now and Then narrative works very well for this story. From the beginning we know that Hiroku is in rehab for drug addiction, and, naturally, we want to know how he got there. It’s not a pretty trip. There’s not a pretty ending. There’s no HEA, no HFN. What we do have at the end of this book is the BURNING DESIRE to finish Hiroku’s journey to its end. Fortunately, we get to do that since this is the prequel to The Bravest Thing by the same author.
This book is tagged as YA, but only the “youth” part of the genre applies here. There is no lack of explicit sex, talk of sex, lust for sex, etc. In fact, the subject matter is quite mature since it deals explicitly with physical, emotional, mental, and opioid abuse. Seth also self-medicates his bi-polar condition, which puts a different spin on the drug use.
For many, this book is full of triggers. For me, yes, it featured parts of my past I’d rather forget, but I find my own self hard to avoid since everywhere I go, there I am. I like to look things in the face and realize that I’m not the only one who went through certain things, no matter how ugly. How they handled their problems (albeit fictional) versus how I dealt with mine is always of acute interest to me.
What can I leave you with? This is what I’m feeling right now:
I can see and feel Hiroku so very vividly, and for that, I thank you Laura Lascarso. He has taken residence in my heart.
Everyone else, take a step outside of your everyday, your comfort zone, and see the reality that Lascarso created in this book. It’s truly a marvel to behold.
Some favorite passages/quotes (among many):
It would be so much easier if we could all be blameless in our addictions. But if that were the case, then we’d have no power to stop it from happening again. To have the strength to say no. What an awesome and terrifying responsibility.
Neither representation is fair, nor is the fact that the stories are being told through my perspective and colored by my own wounded feelings, and if Seth were telling this story, it would be completely different, which makes me wonder: if everything is so subjective, then what is fact and what is fiction?
Afterward Seth got me high, and I told him I loved him. I may have even meant it. You tell me, who was the monster now?
**I received a copy of this book from the author in exchange for a an honest review.**
Did this hurt? Yes. But the flawed characters Laura Lascarso so vividly created hurt much more than I did. Than I do, because I can’t stop thinking about him, Hiroku. About the other one, Seth. They are so very real and so very flawed that they sprung up for these pages as living specters for me to see. Gorgeous and terrible at once. I loved them both, in my way. I could sympathize with them both, in my way. But their reality, although filled with love and creativity, was one of manipulation, emotional and physical abuse, and drug addiction.
Told in a Now and Then narrative from Hiroku’s POV, spanning two years in this wreck of a relationship, we first meet Hiroku at 15. Seth, 17, sees him and wants him. Seth seduces him, and thus begins the slow descent into abuse. Little by little, Seth begins to shape and mold Hiroku to his liking. But as far as Hiroku is concerned, this is nothing. He’s happy to feel accepted, desired, admired even. But why is everyone telling him that he deserves better?
Seth, a senior at Hiroku’s school, has a reputation for sleeping around and abusing drugs. He also has a rock band. Soon, Hiroku plays an important role in writing songs, creating logos, and photographing the band. Over time, his need for Seth escalates just as Seth’s need to control Hiroku becomes all-encompassing. Seth pushes Hiroku for more: more time with him. At times Hiroku does push back, but it’s Seth who always wins these mini tug-o-wars.
Hiroku is now sneaking out at night to see the band play, to sleep with Seth. He’s lying to his friends, his sister, his strict Japanese parents, and to himself. Their relationship comes to a breaking point due to Seth’s actions (no spoiler for you!). Yet, Hiroku can’t resist Seth’s pull, and this time Seth yanks him into addiction.
The Now and Then narrative works very well for this story. From the beginning we know that Hiroku is in rehab for drug addiction, and, naturally, we want to know how he got there. It’s not a pretty trip. There’s not a pretty ending. There’s no HEA, no HFN. What we do have at the end of this book is the BURNING DESIRE to finish Hiroku’s journey to its end. Fortunately, we get to do that since this is the prequel to The Bravest Thing by the same author.
This book is tagged as YA, but only the “youth” part of the genre applies here. There is no lack of explicit sex, talk of sex, lust for sex, etc. In fact, the subject matter is quite mature since it deals explicitly with physical, emotional, mental, and opioid abuse. Seth also self-medicates his bi-polar condition, which puts a different spin on the drug use.
For many, this book is full of triggers. For me, yes, it featured parts of my past I’d rather forget, but I find my own self hard to avoid since everywhere I go, there I am. I like to look things in the face and realize that I’m not the only one who went through certain things, no matter how ugly. How they handled their problems (albeit fictional) versus how I dealt with mine is always of acute interest to me.
What can I leave you with? This is what I’m feeling right now:
I can see and feel Hiroku so very vividly, and for that, I thank you Laura Lascarso. He has taken residence in my heart.
Everyone else, take a step outside of your everyday, your comfort zone, and see the reality that Lascarso created in this book. It’s truly a marvel to behold.
Some favorite passages/quotes (among many):
It would be so much easier if we could all be blameless in our addictions. But if that were the case, then we’d have no power to stop it from happening again. To have the strength to say no. What an awesome and terrifying responsibility.
Neither representation is fair, nor is the fact that the stories are being told through my perspective and colored by my own wounded feelings, and if Seth were telling this story, it would be completely different, which makes me wonder: if everything is so subjective, then what is fact and what is fiction?
Afterward Seth got me high, and I told him I loved him. I may have even meant it. You tell me, who was the monster now?
**I received a copy of this book from the author in exchange for a an honest review.**
October 9, 2018
Real Rating: 3.25* of five
Read the sample, was just not able to get past the vocabulary...even smart kids don't usually speak in this kind of formal English...and the whole Spring's Awakening vibe puts me off my feed. I'm from Austin, and the made-up subdivision and high school didn't sit well with me, though I know the choice is a practical one.
It's definitely me, don't let my unenthusiastic response put you off sampling it at the very least.
Read the sample, was just not able to get past the vocabulary...even smart kids don't usually speak in this kind of formal English...and the whole Spring's Awakening vibe puts me off my feed. I'm from Austin, and the made-up subdivision and high school didn't sit well with me, though I know the choice is a practical one.
It's definitely me, don't let my unenthusiastic response put you off sampling it at the very least.
April 1, 2022
Even if our love was a poison slowly consuming us, that didn't make it any less potent. Even if fear was the heart of our love, it didn't make our feelings for each other any less real. And even when Seth sought to hurt me, it didn't necessarily mean he didn't also love me. When a parent disciplines a child, isn't that also a form of love?
Often I wonder when first love became such a rosy and worshipped concept. I wonder if it is a reflection of our self-preservation, as humans, to idolize first love and to forget that there are always two sides to a coin, to ignore that while first love can be exhilarating and exciting, it can also feel terrifying and out of control. For if one has never experienced something before how do they know their limits, when to establish boundaries, to identify warning signs? How do they know to find strength to standup for themselves against the person they love most in the world? For as first love is praised for being magnificent, it is also known to be all-consuming, is it not?
Hiroku is a reflection of 17-year-old Hiroku and his journey through all his "firsts": first crush, first swoon, first heart pounding toe curling butterflies, first date, first kiss, first time skipping school, first drugs, first obsession, first addiction, first abuse, first descent into darkness, first Before and first After. A story of his first love(s).
Lascarso's writing is beautiful with a wistful, melancholy feel that tugs at one's heartstrings. Experiencing Hiroku and Seth's relationship was like watching a rose wilt or a pot boil, it's a steady and quiet escalation until one day, one second, you blink and the petals have fallen off, the pot has overflowed. Watching the beginning, the meet cute and the butterflies, all the highs of a first love and then watching it all fall apart was heart-breaking. Experiencing Hiroku's innocence and love be corrupted and twisted by Seth, the small manipulations turning to bigger moments of emotional and physical abuse, was harrowing. To watch his love shift from his love of art, his friends and family, Seth, to his love of opioids and getting high was devastating. I loved the way in which Hiroku reflected on his passed self, on things he could control and things he could not, and I loved even more how while Then Hiroku fell prey to Seth and drugs, Now Hiroku was finding ways in which to set himself free.
"I chose him over me too" ... "but I won't anymore."
When I started this I knew that everyone h a t e d Seth, and for quite a long while I couldn't understand why. While I hated the things he was introducing to Hiroku, I didn't hate him because while Seth could be vicious, manipulative, and selfish, he was also a child of abuse and neglect, someone who self-medicated in hopes to find relief from mental illness and a deep loneliness.
I didn't think he was acting because I saw a glimpse of the boy I first fell in love with, the one who just wanted to be loved unconditionally.
But then there was a turning point from which Seth could not return, and I loved the way in which Lascarso explored his character development, because I can tell you that though I felt for him for the longest time, I hated him by the end. And when I say I hate him, I really do, and I don't condone ANYTHING he did, and yet I still think of nature vs. nurture, of mental illness, of self-medicating and self-destruction, of a tiny boy left all alone, and what Seth would have been like if he had just one adult looking out for him.
Hiroku is more of a coming of age story than a romance, and a dive into a darker side of first love. It's story of butterflies and bliss, of unforeseen darkness and heartbreak. It's a story of deception, and change, of addiction. It's a story of baby steps in the right direction, of fighting for yourself and the person you want to be. It's an story of Hiroku and all his firsts.
4.5 STARS
---------------------
Actual footage of the rollercoaster ride I went on with this book:
Often I wonder when first love became such a rosy and worshipped concept. I wonder if it is a reflection of our self-preservation, as humans, to idolize first love and to forget that there are always two sides to a coin, to ignore that while first love can be exhilarating and exciting, it can also feel terrifying and out of control. For if one has never experienced something before how do they know their limits, when to establish boundaries, to identify warning signs? How do they know to find strength to standup for themselves against the person they love most in the world? For as first love is praised for being magnificent, it is also known to be all-consuming, is it not?
Hiroku is a reflection of 17-year-old Hiroku and his journey through all his "firsts": first crush, first swoon, first heart pounding toe curling butterflies, first date, first kiss, first time skipping school, first drugs, first obsession, first addiction, first abuse, first descent into darkness, first Before and first After. A story of his first love(s).
Lascarso's writing is beautiful with a wistful, melancholy feel that tugs at one's heartstrings. Experiencing Hiroku and Seth's relationship was like watching a rose wilt or a pot boil, it's a steady and quiet escalation until one day, one second, you blink and the petals have fallen off, the pot has overflowed. Watching the beginning, the meet cute and the butterflies, all the highs of a first love and then watching it all fall apart was heart-breaking. Experiencing Hiroku's innocence and love be corrupted and twisted by Seth, the small manipulations turning to bigger moments of emotional and physical abuse, was harrowing. To watch his love shift from his love of art, his friends and family, Seth, to his love of opioids and getting high was devastating. I loved the way in which Hiroku reflected on his passed self, on things he could control and things he could not, and I loved even more how while Then Hiroku fell prey to Seth and drugs, Now Hiroku was finding ways in which to set himself free.
"I chose him over me too" ... "but I won't anymore."
When I started this I knew that everyone h a t e d Seth, and for quite a long while I couldn't understand why. While I hated the things he was introducing to Hiroku, I didn't hate him because while Seth could be vicious, manipulative, and selfish, he was also a child of abuse and neglect, someone who self-medicated in hopes to find relief from mental illness and a deep loneliness.
I didn't think he was acting because I saw a glimpse of the boy I first fell in love with, the one who just wanted to be loved unconditionally.
But then there was a turning point from which Seth could not return, and I loved the way in which Lascarso explored his character development, because I can tell you that though I felt for him for the longest time, I hated him by the end. And when I say I hate him, I really do, and I don't condone ANYTHING he did, and yet I still think of nature vs. nurture, of mental illness, of self-medicating and self-destruction, of a tiny boy left all alone, and what Seth would have been like if he had just one adult looking out for him.
Hiroku is more of a coming of age story than a romance, and a dive into a darker side of first love. It's story of butterflies and bliss, of unforeseen darkness and heartbreak. It's a story of deception, and change, of addiction. It's a story of baby steps in the right direction, of fighting for yourself and the person you want to be. It's an story of Hiroku and all his firsts.
4.5 STARS
---------------------
Actual footage of the rollercoaster ride I went on with this book:
December 25, 2020
I've had this book on my tbr since it was released. I have friends that have read and reread this book and still I wasn't ready to delve into it.
Smart decision on my part because I don't think I would have appreciated it, I didn't enjoy it as my friends did but I might have dnf is I'd read it then.
Hiroku's story is a sad one, filled with manipulations upon manipulations. It's sad because you could see how bright eyed and earnest he was and then you could see how he just spiraled.
The story and writing was impeccable, I just didn't like what happened to Hiroku. I know it is hard to see especially from the inside what Sean was doing to him but the fact remains that I wanted to shake him so his brain resets and he sees what is happening.
Again, beautiful story but my rating is because of the feelings it evoked in me personally, I'm being unfair to Hiroku but still. I already have the second book waiting, it will take a while for me to get into the frame of mind to read it, I'm sure.
Smart decision on my part because I don't think I would have appreciated it, I didn't enjoy it as my friends did but I might have dnf is I'd read it then.
Hiroku's story is a sad one, filled with manipulations upon manipulations. It's sad because you could see how bright eyed and earnest he was and then you could see how he just spiraled.
The story and writing was impeccable, I just didn't like what happened to Hiroku. I know it is hard to see especially from the inside what Sean was doing to him but the fact remains that I wanted to shake him so his brain resets and he sees what is happening.
Again, beautiful story but my rating is because of the feelings it evoked in me personally, I'm being unfair to Hiroku but still. I already have the second book waiting, it will take a while for me to get into the frame of mind to read it, I'm sure.
February 10, 2020
Ok, well,oof.
You tell me, who was the monster now?
So something I figured out AFTER reading this is that it's more of character / motivation study. It's truly a prequel. If you are one of the 20 people who read NAN by Elizabeth Kingston, you know what I mean.
This was better done that. After binging and ultimately finishing this book, with way too many flinches from my own heart, I held my breath to crack the next one open. I knew that I would not be able to read a continuation of the prior story in a sense.
I was relieved to find my fears did not come true, but ultimately, am going to judge this book on its own merit (I'm 2 pages into THE BRAVEST THING). It's introspective, with a first person POV and then/now timelines. I felt no investment in the relationship in this book, but I did in the protagonist.
It's a deep dive into (CW/TW)codependency, addiction, emotional abuse/physical abuse, first love, toxic relationships, self-harm, and foundational teen relationships.
It's intense and consuming, and isn't probably strictly necessary to read from what I can tell but may change my mind. I know had I not read this first, I'd likely never come back to it.
Anyway, because of the straight introspection and almost confessional style, while it was engaging and intense, I didn't find it particularly artfully done *ducks* the writing often feels spoon-fed to the reader. I'm not sorry I read it, but I am not particularly glad either. But if you follow my reviews with books with this type content, it's likely very easy to see why.
You tell me, who was the monster now?
So something I figured out AFTER reading this is that it's more of character / motivation study. It's truly a prequel. If you are one of the 20 people who read NAN by Elizabeth Kingston, you know what I mean.
This was better done that. After binging and ultimately finishing this book, with way too many flinches from my own heart, I held my breath to crack the next one open. I knew that I would not be able to read a continuation of the prior story in a sense.
I was relieved to find my fears did not come true, but ultimately, am going to judge this book on its own merit (I'm 2 pages into THE BRAVEST THING). It's introspective, with a first person POV and then/now timelines. I felt no investment in the relationship in this book, but I did in the protagonist.
It's a deep dive into (CW/TW)codependency, addiction, emotional abuse/physical abuse, first love, toxic relationships, self-harm, and foundational teen relationships.
It's intense and consuming, and isn't probably strictly necessary to read from what I can tell but may change my mind. I know had I not read this first, I'd likely never come back to it.
Anyway, because of the straight introspection and almost confessional style, while it was engaging and intense, I didn't find it particularly artfully done *ducks* the writing often feels spoon-fed to the reader. I'm not sorry I read it, but I am not particularly glad either. But if you follow my reviews with books with this type content, it's likely very easy to see why.
July 26, 2018
4.5 stars from me. Can I truthfully say that I actually enjoyed reading it?? Not really 😕. It was well-written which is par for the course as far as Laura is concerned, but the dysfunctional 'relationship' between Hiro and Seth was completely toxic, and became a dangerous obsession for them both. Abuse and addiction are a combustible combination.
Even though I read The Bravest Thing last year, and was obviously curious about Hiro's background in view of what we learned in that story, nothing could have really prepared me for the destructive nature of his and Seth's give and take. Hiro was completely taken in by Seth, he practically worshipped him and Seth?? Well, to be honest, he liked being an alpha character, wanting someone who wouldn't say no to him, and when Hiro started coming to his senses and refused to do everything Seth ordered him to do....actually had the b***s to argue, fight back and choose his own path [whether right or wrong], that's when the abuse started.
I went into reading this story knowing that there was a very good chance that I probably wouldn't like Seth at all because of his domineering attitude, and the sly chat and innuendo he used to make Hiro feel inadequate and immature. I cannot really understand why Laura brought this one out after TBT, cos she must've realised that quite a few readers would react like me and not give one toss one way or the other what happens to Seth BUT I also have no doubt that a Seth book must be written, if only to finish off this story arc and put the matter of Seth and his overwhelming ego to bed once and for all.
Even though I read The Bravest Thing last year, and was obviously curious about Hiro's background in view of what we learned in that story, nothing could have really prepared me for the destructive nature of his and Seth's give and take. Hiro was completely taken in by Seth, he practically worshipped him and Seth?? Well, to be honest, he liked being an alpha character, wanting someone who wouldn't say no to him, and when Hiro started coming to his senses and refused to do everything Seth ordered him to do....actually had the b***s to argue, fight back and choose his own path [whether right or wrong], that's when the abuse started.
I went into reading this story knowing that there was a very good chance that I probably wouldn't like Seth at all because of his domineering attitude, and the sly chat and innuendo he used to make Hiro feel inadequate and immature. I cannot really understand why Laura brought this one out after TBT, cos she must've realised that quite a few readers would react like me and not give one toss one way or the other what happens to Seth BUT I also have no doubt that a Seth book must be written, if only to finish off this story arc and put the matter of Seth and his overwhelming ego to bed once and for all.
February 17, 2023
4.5
Laura Lascarso once again proved her mettle when it comes to writing obsessive/manipulative MCs. 👏 She’d written Seth perfectly, and even though we only saw him through Hiroku’s eyes, he was a complete and well rounded character. I could easily imagine myself falling for his charm… Up to a point.
Honestly, I don’t think I’m the right target audience for books featuring abusive relationships. 🤷♀️ I can’t imagine having any sort of relationship with a person I don’t trust, or can’t/won’t communicate with properly. When that happens in a book I’m reading, I just sort of disconnect from the story and the MCs, and judge them all from my detached POV. That’s basically what happened here.
I’m sure I’m in the minority, but I actually found it much easier to understand Seth’s character, and some of his motivations/actions (imo influenced partly by his bipolar disorder, but mostly by his troubled childhood), than to relate in any way to Hiroku and his doormat behavior that went on for years. 🤯 I am NOT victim blaming, I just don’t get it.
After the first instance of I got the impression that Laura wanted/needed the situation to escalate quickly, and that feeling only intensified after the surreal scene with . The ending seemed rushed, and both OOC for Seth and OTT overall.
I don’t know how I feel about reading the sequel. I’ll probably do it at some point, because I love Laura’s books. But not right now.
Laura Lascarso once again proved her mettle when it comes to writing obsessive/manipulative MCs. 👏 She’d written Seth perfectly, and even though we only saw him through Hiroku’s eyes, he was a complete and well rounded character. I could easily imagine myself falling for his charm… Up to a point.
Honestly, I don’t think I’m the right target audience for books featuring abusive relationships. 🤷♀️ I can’t imagine having any sort of relationship with a person I don’t trust, or can’t/won’t communicate with properly. When that happens in a book I’m reading, I just sort of disconnect from the story and the MCs, and judge them all from my detached POV. That’s basically what happened here.
I’m sure I’m in the minority, but I actually found it much easier to understand Seth’s character, and some of his motivations/actions (imo influenced partly by his bipolar disorder, but mostly by his troubled childhood), than to relate in any way to Hiroku and his doormat behavior that went on for years. 🤯 I am NOT victim blaming, I just don’t get it.
After the first instance of I got the impression that Laura wanted/needed the situation to escalate quickly, and that feeling only intensified after the surreal scene with . The ending seemed rushed, and both OOC for Seth and OTT overall.
I don’t know how I feel about reading the sequel. I’ll probably do it at some point, because I love Laura’s books. But not right now.
December 24, 2019
4.5 stars!
November 19, 2018
I am really happy I saw this book somewhere on GR and blurb immediately convinced me to buy it and start with reading.
I suggest to start with book Hiroku first and than continue with book The Bravest Thing. It should be marked as Duet, so reader would immediately know Hiroku's story is written in two books. The Bravest Thing was published by publishing company, while Hiroku was published by author helself and it was written later. Author felt like she must told also Hiroku's story before meeting Berlin, so this is pre-sequel.
This was one tough, dysfunctional relationship with never ending mind games, manipulations and power struggles. Usually this is not my »cup of tea«, because I become too irritated reading about nasty relationships. In this case maybe it was easier for me, because this is story about two guys and I didn't take it so subjectively. What is even more strange – sometimes I felt really sorry for Seth too. I couldn't hate him like I would hate man in this kind of relationship toward woman.
The ending seemed abrubt, so I highly recommend to continue with The Bravest Thing.
I suggest to start with book Hiroku first and than continue with book The Bravest Thing. It should be marked as Duet, so reader would immediately know Hiroku's story is written in two books. The Bravest Thing was published by publishing company, while Hiroku was published by author helself and it was written later. Author felt like she must told also Hiroku's story before meeting Berlin, so this is pre-sequel.
This was one tough, dysfunctional relationship with never ending mind games, manipulations and power struggles. Usually this is not my »cup of tea«, because I become too irritated reading about nasty relationships. In this case maybe it was easier for me, because this is story about two guys and I didn't take it so subjectively. What is even more strange – sometimes I felt really sorry for Seth too. I couldn't hate him like I would hate man in this kind of relationship toward woman.
The ending seemed abrubt, so I highly recommend to continue with The Bravest Thing.
May 15, 2022
This was like watching a train wreck you knew was about to happen.
From the beginning we knew Hiroku and Seth weren’t going to get a HEA which is the best part of the book because we knew it meant that Hiroku would have a chance at a decent future. I felt like I could actually enjoy reading about the toxic relationship because I knew it that the author wasnt going to turn around at the end and have all the bad things swept under a rug.
I really loved how the author wrote the two men because I could see exactly how Hiroku was so captivated by Seth and fell into the hole that he did. I really loved how Hiroku was able to push back against Seth and manipulate him too at times, it made Hiroku seem less innocent than I’d first imagined his character to be.
I definitely would not classify this as a romance, and the only HFN is in Hiroku’s own life.
From the beginning we knew Hiroku and Seth weren’t going to get a HEA which is the best part of the book because we knew it meant that Hiroku would have a chance at a decent future. I felt like I could actually enjoy reading about the toxic relationship because I knew it that the author wasnt going to turn around at the end and have all the bad things swept under a rug.
I really loved how the author wrote the two men because I could see exactly how Hiroku was so captivated by Seth and fell into the hole that he did. I really loved how Hiroku was able to push back against Seth and manipulate him too at times, it made Hiroku seem less innocent than I’d first imagined his character to be.
I definitely would not classify this as a romance, and the only HFN is in Hiroku’s own life.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
January 19, 2020
First of all, thanks to those who suggested that I read this before The Bravest Thing. 🙏
I started reading exactly a week ago and I've finished both now with a lot of rests (I was reading a fluffy couple's story in between). I've actually finished 3 books in between reading these 2 - it was that stressful. But it was also so damn beautiful that I'd like to do a reread very soon. What a lovely writing to so it's easily getting into my all time favorite shelf.
I fell in love with the characters, both of them.
I was with Hiroku all the way - being addicted to Seth, trying to stay away and failing altogether.
But at the same time, I felt for Seth too. I would kill to get a book in his POV and I'd like to see him happy one day.
I believe that both of them loved each other but it just became really toxic.
Somewhere deep inside me wanna see Hiroku and Seth back again together after they've both healed and forgiven each other and themselves...maybe in another universe.
Seth's actions shouldn't be justified but he's young too and is fighting an illness and I'd like it for him to have another chance. Even not with Hiroku but it'd be nice if he gets healed and become a better person someday.
I started reading exactly a week ago and I've finished both now with a lot of rests (I was reading a fluffy couple's story in between). I've actually finished 3 books in between reading these 2 - it was that stressful. But it was also so damn beautiful that I'd like to do a reread very soon. What a lovely writing to so it's easily getting into my all time favorite shelf.
I fell in love with the characters, both of them.
I was with Hiroku all the way - being addicted to Seth, trying to stay away and failing altogether.
But at the same time, I felt for Seth too. I would kill to get a book in his POV and I'd like to see him happy one day.
I believe that both of them loved each other but it just became really toxic.
Somewhere deep inside me wanna see Hiroku and Seth back again together after they've both healed and forgiven each other and themselves...maybe in another universe.
Seth's actions shouldn't be justified but he's young too and is fighting an illness and I'd like it for him to have another chance. Even not with Hiroku but it'd be nice if he gets healed and become a better person someday.
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