The New Childhood: Raising Kids to Thrive in a Connected World

by Jordan Shapiro

A provocative look at the new, digital landscape of childhood and how to navigate it.

In The New Childhood , Jordan Shapiro provides a hopeful counterpoint to the fearful hand-wringing that has come to define our narrative around children and technology. Drawing on groundbreaking research in economics, psychology, philosophy, and education, The New Childhood shows how technology is guiding humanity toward a bright future in which our children will be able to create new, better models of global citizenship, connection, and community.

Shapiro offers concrete, practical advice on how to parent and educate children effectively in a connected world, and provides tools and techniques for using technology to engage with kids and help them learn and grow. He compares this moment in time to other great technological revolutions in humanity's past and presents entertaining micro-histories of cultural the sandbox, finger painting, the family dinner, and more. But most importantly, The New Childhood paints a timely, inspiring and positive picture of today's children, recognizing that they are poised to create a progressive, diverse, meaningful, and hyper-connected world that today's adults can only barely imagine.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Education, Technology, Audiobook, Teaching, Childrens

320 pages, Hardcover

First published December 1, 2018

About the author

Jordan Shapiro, PhD, is father to two children and step-father to two more. He lives in Philadelphia with his partner Amanda Steinberg. He's core faculty in Temple University’s Intellectual Heritage and Gender, Sexuality and Women's Studies programs. He’s senior fellow for the Joan Ganz Cooney Center at Sesame Workshop, and nonresident fellow in the Center for Universal Education at the Brookings Institution. The New Childhood (2018) received wide critical acclaim and has been published in 11 languages. Father Figure: How to be a Feminist Dad (Little, Brown Spark 2021) offers a norm-shattering perspective on fatherhood, family, and gender essentialism. The New York Time's Book Review called it "utterly mind-blowing." It has been published in 6 languages.

Reviews

[Jen Grogan · Rating 1 out of 5]

Examples of misrepresented facts so far (at 22%):

- Fortnite is not a sandbox game. Not even a little bit. Since I'm not a gamer, I double-checked this with my husband. Since the author is, by his own statement, not a gamer... he should have checked with someone who knows.
- While it is true that Victorian working-class children were forced into work at what we would find shockingly early ages, Shapiro acts as if this is true of ALL children in ALL societies prior to the early 20th century. This simply isn't the case. It's not even the case of middle-class children and up. Children's games and toys exist as far back as archaeology, and even the much-reviled Puritans understood the need for children to have fun.
- On a similar note, while it is true that the poor may not have had scheduled sit-down meals due to eating on the go whenever they could, that's not true for anyone in Western society further up the social ladder. Shapiro states that sit-down meals were effectively invented in 1800, which is utter nonsense from a historical standpoint. Sit-down meals were common in medieval Europe, common in Puritan New England, common in the freaking Viking Age, and common in other places and times I won't bother to enumerate.

Also, while I can't speak for other people, my concern about video games isn't for games like Minecraft, on which he spends a great deal of time. It's for mobile games that are intentionally designed to work on brains in the same way as casino slot machines, encouraging constant repetitive use and the purchase of items via micro-transactions. I don't know yet if Shapiro will address these kinds of games, but so far he doesn't seem so much as aware of their existence.

There is no indication that the author did any research on video games for this book apart from playing very specific games with his kids and watching them play those same very specific games. There is indication that he did research on games and play in other eras, but also strong evidence that he took statements from this research wildly out of context.

His base premise is that the media overplays fears about video games. Great. I'm with him on that. Beyond that, however, all of the above gives me precisely zero reason to trust anything he says that I can't personally verify.

Gave up at around 68% and let library loan end. Book got marginally better as the author stopped pretending to know anything about more recent history than Ancient Greece, but never actually gave more help than some common sense and some sense that this guy reeeeeally had an axe to grind about moms telling him his kids play with screens too much. Gee, I wonder what kind of fights he has with his ex-wife?

[Jerecho · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book provides valid points and some statement about kids of today and the technology of this generation. Arguing with yours kids who play in device always end up in heated arguments. Restraining them with technology sometimes lead to not following you. The fact that you as a parent is using a mobile or a device too, but the child can't argue with you. Having said that, allowing your child to use device or mobile in a certain period of time reduces this kind of argument.

For me experiencing both worlds is an adventure. Technology help our lives to become easier, but the experience in the outside world makes our life at ease. Connection is important and technology provides it, but should it start within the family. If we could talk to our children and see them face to face instead of texting them, it may provide a difference.

Life is too short. And parenting is just a hard course.

[Alexandra · Rating 1 out of 5]

As an educator and a parent, I had high hopes for this book but was sorely disappointed. It does nothing to address highly addictive games like Fortnite and the fact that social media platforms and smartphone apps are specifically designed by psychologists to capture our attention and keep it for hours on end. Many kids find old games like Pac Man incredibly boring and have no interest in coding or taking apart computers, they just want to play games like Fortnite which are specifically formatted to hold and keep their attention. Students spend so much time on devices at school they have a tough time getting into assignments that don’t require a device.

Social skills are suffering, kids and adults aren’t taking the time to analyze everything they see online (nor do they really have the time required), and we are dealing with high levels of depression and anxiety - these are huge issues that we have to deal with at home, in schools, in politics, and in the workplace but this book barely scratches the surface of addressing these problems beyond talking about his own children’s use of devices and offering the same advice that most educators and invested parents already know. Also, his children are young - I wonder if he will feel the same way when they are teens spending upwards of 11-12 hours a day on a screen.

According to Pew Research, the average teen spends 9 hours a day looking at/using a screen in addition to the time spent using a device for schoolwork and homework (so figure another 2-3 hours at least) - parents (and teens) are fighting an uphill battle, one that most parents (and teens) are losing, and they need a lot more help than this book.

[Judy · Rating 2 out of 5]

Video games and the digital world are not going to go away. They are part of our lives, whether we like it or not. The New Childhood made me think. In my opinion balance and guidance when dealing with children and the digital world is best. The hard part is figuring out what that balance should be. This book says a lot, full of lots of information about societal changes over time, but it does not really offer any concrete guidelines about what the balance should be, other than to game with your kids, making it a part of family life. I found this a difficult book to plough through.

I received an ARC from the publisher through NetGalley. The opinions expressed in this review are solely my own.

[Richard Rosso · Rating 5 out of 5]

“People never have to have their opinions challenged anymore. And when they’re forced to confront opposing ideas, they don’t know how to deal with it. Folks have this kind of tunnel vision that is obviously inadequate for a healthy connected society. Grownups need to purge that fatheadedness and intolerance right out of the next generation. It’s our duty. And it’s also an economic and political necessity.”

Dr. Jordan Shapiro is not only a global thought leader, academic and advocate for the future of children’s education, he is a delightful common-sense author/storyteller who serves up a straightforward dose of reality to parents and readers who unjustifiably fear technological progress and believe that social media and gaming are the root causes of every societal vicissitude.

In his debut book The New Childhood, Jordan serves as empathetic guide who deftly employs history, economics, emotional intelligence, and well-placed philosophy and logic of Stoics to set the stage for how children, all of us in fact, benefit from our digital connections. Yet, at the same time, he exhibits reverence for the all-very-human aspects of self. Jordan serves as a soulful bridge who joins current technology to what we desire the most – a safe haven, a center place of family gathering and memory building.

Jordan provides everyday glimpses into how he parents his two boys, establishes restrictions for the usage of smartphones (not at the dinner table!), forms bonds through family gaming, and convincingly showcases how electronic communication technologies such as tablets, smartphones and laptops don’t threaten family time. It is the motivation for it. He also warns us as parents to be careful when talking about our children’s electronic devices as their sense of identities are connected to online avatars. In other words, to speak negatively of how they connect to others is to speak negatively to who they are.

His personal stories helped me to remember how immersed I was in anything television (it was a black & white picture RCA beauty connected to a rabbit-ear, aluminum-foil wrapped antenna), as a kid. I couldn’t get enough, including commercials. In 1972, I recall my mother lamenting how dangerous watching so much television was for my development. Sort of how we as parents today feel about smartphones and other devices. The fear was unwarranted then. It is now. My studies didn’t suffer. I was an advanced student, yet there was something about that evil television that really got to her.

Jordan shines when it comes to his ideas about the education system and how it must be transformed for children to learn how to flourish as productive, effective adults in a connected world. He provides refreshing and, in some instances, radical alternatives to the archaic, grade-based, testing-intense structure which primarily rewards youth for memorization when critical thinking skills are urgently required. From revamped classroom setups to educational curriculum, down to the educators themselves, Jordan urges an open exchange of knowledge and skills with educators as guides who facilitate the flow of participatory engagement and provide an intellectual sandbox for children to develop skill sets which allow them to prosper within a digitally connected future.

In Jordan’s sage words – And this hit me hard: “Our current education system teaches kids to see themselves as rigid vessels. But the world demands that they be porous membranes.”

Frankly, I’m in awe of how Jordan as an advocate for traditional boundaries of family, home and hearth, can also so convincingly make the argument that the synergy of human plus digital has potential to raze intellectual walls and allow today’s children to gain empathy, balance and tolerance.

This book is a game changer and will earmark Jordan as the educator’s mentor for a new age. Parents are going to learn what’s required for their children to interact very human yet very virtual at the same time.

[Lili Kim · Rating 4 out of 5]

I will preface this by saying I’m not too into “screen time,” though I believe a limited amount is fine. I’ve also recognized that I need to limit my own screen time, which has led me to taking my son out to more places and engaging in creative tasks. I know, Jordan Shapiro argues that we can do all that with screens-which we definitely can. But we can engage in other endeavors, as well.

There were definitely some great points, as when Jordan Shapiro talks about those who were against the printing press, since reading could be quite isolating, etc…as well as how Plato defied his teacher’s wishes and put Socrates’ words of wisdom down on paper. Parallel play is also not as bad as cooperative play, he argues, which reminded me of how often I engage in it myself (eg, working/studying with others at a café). He also asserts that parents need to engage in “screen play” with their child, versus solely use it as a substitute babysitter. And, we need to teach them on how to get connected in the right way.

Notable quotes:

“But for my children’s sake, I need to set aside my own knee-jerk fear of change and disruption . . . grown-ups are easily seduced by the nostalgic fantasy of a childhood that mirrors the one we remember. From our kids, we had hoped to see our own youth reflected back. As evidence, just think about the ongoing success of Star Wars, Super Mario Brothers, and every one of the Disney princesses . . . appeal to every adult’s desire for a second chance-a desire to provide our children with the coveted objects and experiences that we missed out on . . .”

“As the great Swiss psychoanalyst Carl Gustav Jung once said, ‘The greatest burden a child must bear is the unlived life of its parents.’”

“Today, we just assume that the sort of play to which we’re all accustomed is good for children. But that wasn’t always the case. We forget that many of our most beloved childhood traditions are products of a particular time and place. The original sand piles helped kids develop a new set of social skills for a changing world.”

[Helena#bookdreamer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you Netgalley for providing this ARC in exchange for an honest review.

I thought this author made some valid and provocative statements about today's kids and the digital age. The author believes we should allow kids to play video games and interact with technology the same way we would play outside and play with our toys. He states that video games allow kids to focus, interact with others on a global scale and motives them to be critical thinkers and innovators since video games works a different part of the brain.

While I certainly agree that computers and technology is the future and we need to train our kids to be able to navigate that world, I still feel we cannot fully disconnect from the physical world. We still need to interact with people, appreciate nature and explore the real world. How else would we care about it if we don't take the time to live and enjoy it.
Still a compelling novel.

[madziagda · Rating 3 out of 5]

Książka Jordana Shapiro to zasadniczo esej na temat rodzicielstwa w czasach nowych technologii. Nie jest to bynajmniej poradnik, bo praktycznych wskazówek jest tu jak na lekarstwo. Autor przekonuje, że rodzice powinni adaptować dawne wartości w kontekstach sieciowych, ponieważ nostaligiczna technofobia nie służy dzieciom, które czeka dorosłość wśród komputerów, internetu itd. Zamiast drżeć i psioczyć za każdym razem, gdy dzieci "gapią się w ekran", rodzice powinni korzystać z sieci razem z nimi i uczyć je, jak robić to dobrze, pokazując zagrożenia, ale jednocześnie namawiając do korzystania z dobrodziejstw, jakie sieć oferuje. Myślę, że Shapiro co do zasady ma rację, choć w kilku kwestiach idzie chyba trochę za daleko i niektóre jego argumenty sobie zaprzeczają. Przede wszystkim jednak przez większość czasu miałam nieodparte wrażenie, że to wszystko zmieściłoby się w kilkustronicowym artykule.

[Vader · Rating 2 out of 5]

5 star - Perfect
4 star - i would recommend
3 star - good
2 star - struggled to complete
1 star - could not finish

I am glad that Mr. Shapiro method may work for him as a parent and for his children. However I do not feel that his "facts" and ideas are accurate. Rather he would present a true and better nuanced argument. I am glad that he is willing to discount studies how gaming affect the brain of children (including teenagers), parenting methods that have worked for generations.

[Dimitris · Rating 5 out of 5]

Required reading for parents and educators. There were points even I deemed too far, but maybe I have a slight negative bias with technology with everything that's been happening in the last few years, especially with social media. Please go ahead and read this not as another feel-good, tech-friendly book, but as a bold statement about the future of mankind.

[Kayla · Rating 1 out of 5]

Yeesh. I dropped this after reading the introduction and then skimming through the takeaways at the end of each chapter, and it's... pretty bad. Bad enough that I started sticking post-it notes in the book (something I almost never do) and writing all of the things that his look at this topic was neglecting to address. I'll sum it up for you: scientific research. Yeah. He doesn't actually seem to be bringing any research into his writing about the topic. He quotes a bunch of theories from child/human development experts, then twists them to mean things they were never intended to and fails to address a lot of really key research about how technology affects our brains (and especially the brains of children).

A few specific things I took issue with from the introduction:
1. He quotes a journalist about the "technological fallacy: the idea that technology changes society... It is exactly the reverse. Society develops technology to address the changes that are taking place within it...Technology is only a facilitator." This argument is so absurd to me. We can look at any technology throughout history and see how it has altered the way we live our lives in ways that wouldn't be possible without its existence. Yes, most technology is created with the intent to address a growing need or want in society but refusing to acknowledge the unintended consequences of that technology is just irresponsible. For instance, am I supposed to believe that the skyrocketing rates of teenage depression and anxiety starting in 2008 were going to happen anyway and were not at all related to the constant social feedback and interaction made possible by the iPhone (which debuted in the summer of 2007) and other smartphones that followed it? This is complete idiocy.
2. He equates his ten- and twelve-year-old sons' fascination and obsession with their laptops (I'm sorry but his ten and twelve-year-olds HAVE THEIR OWN LAPTOPS?!) to his tweenage feelings about his dirt bike and his Nike Air Jordan sneakers. I just can't. Last I checked, your sneakers are not anything like the machines that can give your children access to pornography and violent games and give ill-intentioned strangers access to your children. The comparison is laughable.

Essentially, what I was actually able to get through reads like an excuse for parents to use technology as a babysitter for their children. I think he wrote this book to a) make himself feel better about the exorbitant amounts of time his children spend on screens and b) make money by helping other parents feel better about letting their children spend exorbitant amounts of time on screens.

I came into this book expecting a balanced approach to helping our kids navigate the world of technology and didn't get very far before I realized this guy is only here to make excuses without any solid evidence to back himself up.

[Sabrina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Required reading for every technophobe parent. A lot of valid points and the significance of historical cultural traditions. I found it very informative on how to help mentor & guide kids rather than shun technology because of a fear & distrust of something parents cannot relate to or understand. A quote that stuck with me was parents trying to vicariously have their childhoods relived by their own children due to nostalgia rather than adapting to this era.

[Katarzyna Mikołajczyk · Rating 2 out of 5]

Nie zgadzam się z podejściem autora. Zwłaszcza w zakresie jego fiksacji na punkcie gier komputerowych oraz bagatelizacji "uzależnienia od internetu" (cudzysłów oryginalny!).

Ale nie mogę przejść obojętnie obok stwierdzeń, że "wpuściliśmy dzieci w cyfrowy świat bez mapy" oraz, że "nie pokazujemy naszym dziecion, jak może wyglądać dobre życie w siebie. Nie mamy dla nich jeszcze cyfrowego odpowiednika wielkiej literatury" (za ten cytat i kilka innych: dodatkowa gwiazdka).

Książka pisana jest z perspektywy amerykańskiej i w wielu momentach chciałam ją odłożyć na półkę i nie kończyć. Ostatecznie jednk przesłanie jest proste: "rodzicu - bądź z dzieckiem" - także w cyfrowym świecie. I z tym się zgadzam.

[Melissa DeLong-Cox]

This was interesting. I've got two kids under the age of four, and certainly there's an ongoing question of how much technology/media/screen time they should have. (There's also a lot of should-ing in the parenting world, but that's a different conversation.) I appreciated the perspective here that it's important for kids to learn how to navigate the current world and the technology they'll need to know how to use, but at the same time, I don't want to lose the value in being outdoors, interacting with other humans, and picking up a real book, so this was a mixed bag for me. Interesting read, though.

[Renee Isom · Rating 3 out of 5]

It definitely gives a different look at how to view technology...not too strong on strategies, but a voice that isn’t often heard or sought after when talking about tech with kids. I would encourage teachers, parents, concerned community members to read this for perspective. I got tired of the stories half way through and skipped-scanned ahead to the Takeaways.

I also wondered about the research behind the book. The bib at the end helped a little bit. But this read like a really long blog post.

[J.J. · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was a reality check to me, as I often yell at my own kids about too much device time. I think it's helped me shift perspective in teaching them proper use of technology instead of constantly fighting technology. Don't agree with everything but lots of good ideas on how to make tech work for you and your kids and when to have time away from tech. Very much applicable for 21st century parenting.

[Samantha Hodge · Rating 2 out of 5]

As the mother of a teenager who currently believes he has no need for a high school diploma because he is going to make big bucks as a gamer, I disagree with a large portion of this book. Sorry, but "screen time" rules this house. It's the only way I can force homework to be completed.

[Katherine · Rating 2 out of 5]

I ended up skipping most of it and reading the takeaway notes at the end of each chapter. It felt like his personal opinion rather than good research but I agreed with some of it.

Worth reading as a guide to thinking about my little person and her technological future

[Ellen · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm not sure I'm convinced. Many of Shapiro's arguments feel strained, but I think the total message is solid.

[Edward Silverman · Rating 4 out of 5]

I feel a lot better about my kids and screen time after reading this. I think I’ve picked up some useful techniques to make family time more meaningful so what more can one expect?

[Livia Vozaryova · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dobre napísaná kniha, ktorá mi dala iný pohľad na technológie v rukách našich detí. Alfou a omegou je mediálna gramotnosť, ktorú vštepujeme deťom práve my. My im položíme základy od ktorých sa budu vedieť odraziť a využívať internet (videa, články, FB, instagram, tiktok, ...), nie sa stať jeho otrokom. Čas ktorý deti strávia, či už pri počítači, alebo televízore, by mal byt pod našim dohľadom. To znamena, nie len zapnúť nejakú rozprávku, alebo video, no sedieť vedľa nich a vysvetľovať im dej, pointu, prirovnávať to k situáciám s ktorými sa už stretli.
Jediným mínusom tejto knihy bol fakt že sa to orientovalo na videohry, inak nemám čo vytknúť.

[Jasmine Clifton · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed the introduction, and the authors perspective on how we view children and technology. It absolutely made me think about how as a parent I can improve the way I engage with my kids about tech. Some aspects of the book I did not enjoy as much, and I found myself slogging through to the finish. An okay read, it being thought provoking and a good conversation starter bumped it up to 3 stars for me.

[Monika Barrera · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found some interesting arguments regarding attitude towards innovations but about most of them I have already read before. I do appreciate author's arguments though, still don't feel after reading this book that my knowledge or my attitude has changed. I still worry and feel bad when my kids spend they afternoon playing but this is my personal experience...

[Tabitha · Rating 3 out of 5]

I feel that this book was written more for technophobic parents, which I don't identify as at all. I'm very pro-technology, but I do limit my children's screen time. This book has great advice for interactively teaching our children how to navigate a technological world and advocates for guiding them rather than just allowing them free rein to experience it on their own.

3 1/2 stars

[Theresa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thought provoking. I'm not sure I agree with the author on everything, but he got me to thinking and looking at things in a new way. I was looking for something addressing screens, the internet, social media, etc. without an ostrich in the sand outlook. It's here and it's here to stay. We live in a connected world.

My favorite example is the sandbox. How we teach children to cope with and play nicely at a playground and we need to do the same with the internet. My mind totally shifted when I realized that the sandbox was controversial when it first started too.

[Michelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

This wasn't exactly what I thought it was going to be but I did end up enjoying it. It certainly lends new perspectives and I definitely appreciated it in this case.

[Yuriy Stasyuk · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is an incredible book for any parent struggling to understand their role in the rapidly changing digital world of the 21st century. However, the book is written in a somewhat academic tone with a that may be hard to understand for some (which is rather ironic singe it's author is a big video game fan, shattering preconceived notions about gamers and literacy).

Some key takeways:
While technophobes often clamor about the dissolution of the nuclear family as a result of technology, the nuclear family is a modern invention that was a direct result of technology. Prior to industrialization people lived in large households that included servants and distant relatives. Work bled into family life, because it was all the same. And the church was rather the center of all social relationships and the structure of all life (as its bells separated the day into segments).
It was the modern factory that created small single family homes as alcoves of separation from the industrial world. Technological advancements in entertainment, notably the radio, brought the whole family together at the hearth to sit together. The kind of childhood we have idealized, with physical sandboxes and a glorification of books is the byproduct of the 1900s, not generations before, used to raise children to function in the labor market of it's time.
We are now experiencing a similar transition to a new era marked by radical societal and economic changes and must attune our childrearing to this era rather than idealizing the past. Where we were raised with the index-card paradigm of knowledge as memorized today bits and factoids, children today need to adapt and overcome interweb paradigm. Just like the internet is all linked, seachable, and constantly evolving/adapting, so should their minds. And the best way to do this is stop panicking and lecturing but instead embrace technology, and teach using "serve and responce" conversations that allow us to model online behaviors, and engage kids in conversations about media, teaching them to be critical consumers. The parents who cannot do this may simply be afraid to lose their own sense of identity because they have to admit their methods and childhood experiences are not the ultimate standard, but a relativistic experience in the context of it's own time and place.

[ML O'Brien · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book arguing just how important it is for parents to support their kids and understand the world they are growing up in that is hyper-connected and requires them to have the skills to self manage their digital environments.

[Mindy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was the best book I have read describing our interactions with a digital world. Every adult - whether parent, grandparent, teacher, counselor, etc. - should read this book. If we approach digital technologies with fear, we are preventing ourselves and our children from growing and learning in and about our current world. The author’s emphasis on mentoring is essential. I greatly appreciated the way Shapiro describes embracing our children’s lives and contexts in order to help them better navigate the world, not dictate what that world should include or exclude.

[Parker · Rating 4 out of 5]

Disregard the luddites who rated this book poorly (especially ad hominem attacks on marriage as if that's relevant to being a parent). The content is well thought out and useful. That said, I take issue with a few things.
1. The author doesn't discuss any of the research on how we as humans cannot actually multitask and thinks context switching for kids is good (lack of focus).
2. The author doesn't discuss any common issues today such as autism or ADHD. Both of which are very important to the topic of video games.