Potential
The beginning was promising, and the concept was intriguing- but the rest of the execution seemed lackluster. The ‘mob’ was unconvincing. I’m not a fan of explicit content, and there’s no warning of that in the description. Part of my issue with explicit content is the tendency for the story to start losing momentum. There’s the temptation to keep adding more scenes like those, which begins to detract from the overall narrative. Then there were the constant time jumps. As a reader, it’s jarring to see that one of the characters is pregnant, then out of nowhere, they only have two months left of the pregnancy, then all of a sudden they have the baby in their arms. The ending felt rushed. Getting a full story out is difficult, but getting it polished is important, and this story has not been polished. I think with an editor’s eye, it could be well done. Dear author, don’t give up- but take the time to refine your work.
- J’s lovebunch