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When I Die I'm Going to Heaven 'Cause I've Spent My Time in Hell: A Memoir of My Year As an Army Nurse in Vietnam
When she was 18, she joined the Army to finance her nursing education. With less than six months of nursing experience, she was assigned to the 24th Evacuation Hospital in South Vietnam.True tales of the war that are by turns horrifying and humorous, told with an eye for detail, by a woman who was in the thick of it.
"Loved it loved it loved it. Finally a good book about nurses in Vietnam. I read this whole book in one sitting." - 5 star amazon review.
"Loved it loved it loved it. Finally a good book about nurses in Vietnam. I read this whole book in one sitting." - 5 star amazon review.
206 pages, Kindle Edition
First published November 5, 2013
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 191 reviews
January 31, 2019
Wow, just wow!
Barbara Kautz was a young 18 when she enlisted in the Army to pursue her dream of becoming a nurse.
When she had 6 months of nursing experience under her belt, she found herself heading to Vietnam, having been assigned to the 24th Evacuation Hospital in South Vietnam.
Settling into Long Binh for the year required before she could request a relocation, she witnessed the horrors of war while working alongside the heroes who fought to keep not only service men and women alive, but also innocent bystanders, as they suffered the result of bombs, shrapnel, fires, chemicals, and a myriad of other things that could snuff out their lives in an instant.
I devoured this book. I lived it, I stood with her next to infants, children, fathers, mothers, and of course those fighting on the front lines and felt her pain, her frustration, her tenacity, her tenderness, her care, and (at times) her shaken hope that all could still be well, somehow, somewhere.
An excellent and uncensored look at what it was like to be in a nurse's uniform and serving in Vietnam. I highly recommend you pick up this book and clear up a few hours of your time because you won't want to put it down.
Barbara Kautz was a young 18 when she enlisted in the Army to pursue her dream of becoming a nurse.
When she had 6 months of nursing experience under her belt, she found herself heading to Vietnam, having been assigned to the 24th Evacuation Hospital in South Vietnam.
Settling into Long Binh for the year required before she could request a relocation, she witnessed the horrors of war while working alongside the heroes who fought to keep not only service men and women alive, but also innocent bystanders, as they suffered the result of bombs, shrapnel, fires, chemicals, and a myriad of other things that could snuff out their lives in an instant.
I devoured this book. I lived it, I stood with her next to infants, children, fathers, mothers, and of course those fighting on the front lines and felt her pain, her frustration, her tenacity, her tenderness, her care, and (at times) her shaken hope that all could still be well, somehow, somewhere.
An excellent and uncensored look at what it was like to be in a nurse's uniform and serving in Vietnam. I highly recommend you pick up this book and clear up a few hours of your time because you won't want to put it down.
February 25, 2019
Thank you for your service!
This is an excellent book written by a young ( at the time) woman who gets her nursing degree paid for by the Army, and then pays our country back by serving her tour of duty in a evac hospital in Vietnam during the Vietnam war. She tells about her fear about being a new nurse in an Army hospital, being in a strange country surrounded by war. She shares about the doctors and nurses she works with and makes friends with and the patients that came through the hospital that left a lifelong impression on her.
This is an excellent book written by a young ( at the time) woman who gets her nursing degree paid for by the Army, and then pays our country back by serving her tour of duty in a evac hospital in Vietnam during the Vietnam war. She tells about her fear about being a new nurse in an Army hospital, being in a strange country surrounded by war. She shares about the doctors and nurses she works with and makes friends with and the patients that came through the hospital that left a lifelong impression on her.
March 24, 2024
Early Female Soldiers in Country
Barbara Kautz, then still with the last name of Hesselman was just like any other young woman in the sixties who became a nurse. She was bright and had aspirations for herself that was more than being simply a nurse, so she went to a special program at Walter Reed for brain trauma, joined the United States Army and volunteered to go to Vietnam.
Barbara’s books was interesting in that she described many of the techniques they used in the 1960s and early 70s not just in the field of brain trauma but simple medical treatments that today seem absolutely barbaric. Yet it was what they knew and what they had and amazingly kept many of our troops alive to go home and see their families again.
Barbara said that she never felt unsafe from the war, but the few American females were made to feel unsafe from our own troops as their barracks were invaded at night. Their conditions were otherwise better than most in Vietnam as they had air conditioning although their plumbing left something to be desired.
This book was interesting, but less interesting than other similar books I have read. I give it a 3.5 for good writing and a different sort of medical care kind of interesting, but the author filled half the book with things that were more worthy of a diary entry than a book.
Barbara Kautz, then still with the last name of Hesselman was just like any other young woman in the sixties who became a nurse. She was bright and had aspirations for herself that was more than being simply a nurse, so she went to a special program at Walter Reed for brain trauma, joined the United States Army and volunteered to go to Vietnam.
Barbara’s books was interesting in that she described many of the techniques they used in the 1960s and early 70s not just in the field of brain trauma but simple medical treatments that today seem absolutely barbaric. Yet it was what they knew and what they had and amazingly kept many of our troops alive to go home and see their families again.
Barbara said that she never felt unsafe from the war, but the few American females were made to feel unsafe from our own troops as their barracks were invaded at night. Their conditions were otherwise better than most in Vietnam as they had air conditioning although their plumbing left something to be desired.
This book was interesting, but less interesting than other similar books I have read. I give it a 3.5 for good writing and a different sort of medical care kind of interesting, but the author filled half the book with things that were more worthy of a diary entry than a book.
March 24, 2019
I never felt a good connection with the author on this one. It came across as too sterile unlike, “We Band of Angels,” by Elizabeth Norman. Granted, the circumstances are different but still, there didn’t seem like the author opened up her soul for readers to get a solid grip on the trauma she dealt with on a day-to-day basis.
At the beginning, Barbara makes mention this the second version. Apparently the first one was full of errors. Well, I hate to say it, but I still came probable a dozen issues that need to be cleaned up.
Overall, it’s a quick read, but not a lot of depth.
At the beginning, Barbara makes mention this the second version. Apparently the first one was full of errors. Well, I hate to say it, but I still came probable a dozen issues that need to be cleaned up.
Overall, it’s a quick read, but not a lot of depth.
November 21, 2019
Excellent research novel.
January 21, 2019
Poignant portrayal
My sister was an Army nurse in Vietnam but chose never to speak much about her experiences. She's gone now but this book helped me understand, in a very intimate way, what she must have felt and seen there. I became a nurse because of her.
My sister was an Army nurse in Vietnam but chose never to speak much about her experiences. She's gone now but this book helped me understand, in a very intimate way, what she must have felt and seen there. I became a nurse because of her.
August 21, 2018
Awesome read
Loved it loved it loved it. Finally a good book about nurses in Vietnam. I read this whole book in one sitting.
Loved it loved it loved it. Finally a good book about nurses in Vietnam. I read this whole book in one sitting.
February 19, 2019
Enjoyed the book thoroughly.
February 16, 2020
This was a quick read on a quiet, chilly Saturday afternoon. Written by a graduate of the Walter Reed nursing program, this is the story of Barbara Kautz's year serving as an army nurse in Vietnam.
The book is essentially a series of stories about Kautz's time in Vietnam, starting right about the time of her nursing graduation and moving through her entire year. The reflections range from significant and memorable cases she encountered to stories about the relationships she formed there to some experiences that reflected upon the potential for sexual harassment and assault.
The book is largely written in the first-person and Kautz's detail recollection is strong. While certain stories don't particularly connect, others are incredibly riveting. The book's Kindle version, which I read, was hindered by sub-par editing (for a professionally published book) with quite a few typographical errors, missing words, and grammatical concerns that should have been caught and addressed over a year since the book's initial release.
It would be hard to quibble with the book's subject matter. It's a valuable book and resource and if you're into military history, particularly women's history, this is a tremendous book to read.
The book is essentially a series of stories about Kautz's time in Vietnam, starting right about the time of her nursing graduation and moving through her entire year. The reflections range from significant and memorable cases she encountered to stories about the relationships she formed there to some experiences that reflected upon the potential for sexual harassment and assault.
The book is largely written in the first-person and Kautz's detail recollection is strong. While certain stories don't particularly connect, others are incredibly riveting. The book's Kindle version, which I read, was hindered by sub-par editing (for a professionally published book) with quite a few typographical errors, missing words, and grammatical concerns that should have been caught and addressed over a year since the book's initial release.
It would be hard to quibble with the book's subject matter. It's a valuable book and resource and if you're into military history, particularly women's history, this is a tremendous book to read.
December 31, 2019
Author Barbara Kautz writes of her experiences as a US Army Nurse in Vietnam during the war. She initially joined the army as a way to finance her education through Nursing College. The title of her memoir, When I Die I'm Going to Heaven 'Cause I Spent My Time in Hell, came as something one of her coworkers had said and describes the daily activity and the environment of the 24th Evacuation Hospital in South Vietnam. What we get from this book are her stories of success, failure, losses, despair, and even humor. She also describes life as a US Army Officer with all the rules, regulations, and jealousies over who got promoted before someone else, and living conditions as women members of the US Army in a combat zone. As a Vietnam Era Vet myself I was never in Vietnam but was at a base in another country providing direct support for the aircraft going in and out of country. Maybe that's why I find this and other books about the US involvement in the Vietnam War so interesting. If you're looking for another perspective on the War in Vietnam without descriptions of the actual fighting, this may be the book for you.
March 21, 2020
I was a trained medic.
I stated that I was a trained medic. I did my basic in 1962 and corpsman training at Fort Sam Houston. Because I was in the National Guard, I went home after. The regular Army men (min of two years active duty) went on to either West Berlin or to Vietnam. To this day, I regret not encouraging some of the men to keep in touch. Barbara's book reminded me of how important it was to keep in touch. Well written. Thank you for waking me up, although I am 79 yrs old.
I stated that I was a trained medic. I did my basic in 1962 and corpsman training at Fort Sam Houston. Because I was in the National Guard, I went home after. The regular Army men (min of two years active duty) went on to either West Berlin or to Vietnam. To this day, I regret not encouraging some of the men to keep in touch. Barbara's book reminded me of how important it was to keep in touch. Well written. Thank you for waking me up, although I am 79 yrs old.
January 24, 2019
Four winds
Wonderful story and one that needs to be told to all the youth of today. The toll that war takes on all serving members cannot be explained but this book gives one a glimpse of that. The bonds of fellow compatriots are lifelong no matter how long one served with them. Well done
Wonderful story and one that needs to be told to all the youth of today. The toll that war takes on all serving members cannot be explained but this book gives one a glimpse of that. The bonds of fellow compatriots are lifelong no matter how long one served with them. Well done
March 19, 2020
An interesting introduction to a nurse's life in Vietnam. She was not in a combat zone, however, and I wanted to read about the experience of a combat zone especially during the TET offensive because my sister went through that. If you have a book to recommend that would cover this experience, I would appreciate your recommendation.
July 9, 2018
For the rest of us
This book is the most moving and telling of nursing accounts of Vietnam written. I am confident of this assertion, as a long-time nurse and reader about Vietnam, who just missed it and regrets it from this perspective. Thank you.
This book is the most moving and telling of nursing accounts of Vietnam written. I am confident of this assertion, as a long-time nurse and reader about Vietnam, who just missed it and regrets it from this perspective. Thank you.
February 17, 2020
Review to follow...
October 31, 2021
Memoirs of the US nurse who spent a year during a Vietnam and written memoirs 40 years after.
It's really interesting how compared even to War Doctor, it's not as gritty or intense as you might expect, but rather, except a few rare exceptions, a warm story of day-to-day life.
For me, it shows how's life, through the years, fades the bad, keeps the good, blurs the rest, to make sense of what happened, merge it in and keep going.
It's really interesting how compared even to War Doctor, it's not as gritty or intense as you might expect, but rather, except a few rare exceptions, a warm story of day-to-day life.
For me, it shows how's life, through the years, fades the bad, keeps the good, blurs the rest, to make sense of what happened, merge it in and keep going.
March 20, 2024
It was an interesting read, but I think I am learning I am not a memoir person. I did like that it explained how the Neuro ICU in Vietnam works and it was interesting to compare it to our ICU’s today.
October 2, 2014
This book was referred to me by Helene.It's a Vietnam Book..written by a vet who grew up much like the rest of vets of that time in the chaos and turbulence of 70's. It is quite readable. It's by a nurse for nurses and those that aren't.....There are sections in there that are mimics of other books re war and providing care for the wounded. In one section she writes of the sense of "What are we to do?" when providing necessary medical care for the enemy soldier....much like the nurse who spoke at the Denver Convention this May of having to make moral decisions " of when your patient is a terrorist".....That in a nutshell....is the difficult vortex of decisions....moral right or wrong....caring for humans regardless of what their fealty is...much like the soldiers British and German who held a cease-fire in the trenches at Christmastime during WWI....I have read a multitude of war books......I do so because War-making is too much serious business to be left to the generals and politicians of any and all countries......Too many people suffer collateral damage....War sometimes needs to happen...especially if the offending party/country has done the grievous thing even though it has been roundly admonished.
It also has to be acknowledge that the occurence of is the result of both side failing to come to an agreement. The writer is spot on....It is a mature book...You can feel the author/character growing in the stories....It is a good complement to many War books....Civil War...WWI & WWII.....Korean..............and finally there are anecdotes that help tie-in other events that occurred in and around there....The Cambodian Incursion.....The Tet Offensive........The cast of characters.....Nixon....Abrams..I could go on and on..........As it has been said and written many times......the book on Vietnam
and the other Wars hasn't been written yet........Please read this book....you will not regret it .RJH
It also has to be acknowledge that the occurence of is the result of both side failing to come to an agreement. The writer is spot on....It is a mature book...You can feel the author/character growing in the stories....It is a good complement to many War books....Civil War...WWI & WWII.....Korean..............and finally there are anecdotes that help tie-in other events that occurred in and around there....The Cambodian Incursion.....The Tet Offensive........The cast of characters.....Nixon....Abrams..I could go on and on..........As it has been said and written many times......the book on Vietnam
and the other Wars hasn't been written yet........Please read this book....you will not regret it .RJH
September 4, 2018
True Wonder Women Super Heroes
I was a child during the Viet Nam War.
Our view of the conflict was Walter Cronkite and the evening news.
I married a Viet Man vet. Divorce happened after twenty years. He left a huge part of himself in Viet Nam.
But he brought back PTSD and Agent Orange. He's remarried and we have our kids.
Viet Nam wasn't just Cronkite and the evening news.
Thank you Nurses, Soldiers, Superheroes!
Awesome book.
Thank you for your service to our country.
I was a child during the Viet Nam War.
Our view of the conflict was Walter Cronkite and the evening news.
I married a Viet Man vet. Divorce happened after twenty years. He left a huge part of himself in Viet Nam.
But he brought back PTSD and Agent Orange. He's remarried and we have our kids.
Viet Nam wasn't just Cronkite and the evening news.
Thank you Nurses, Soldiers, Superheroes!
Awesome book.
Thank you for your service to our country.
February 11, 2019
A very enlightening look at Vietnam nursing
I found this book both interesting and informative. I have reads many memoirs about the Vietnam war told by soldiers and pilots, but this is the first I have read told from the point of view of a nurse. I plan on reading as many as I can find now that I have discovered this amazing, too often overlooked, point of view.
I found this book both interesting and informative. I have reads many memoirs about the Vietnam war told by soldiers and pilots, but this is the first I have read told from the point of view of a nurse. I plan on reading as many as I can find now that I have discovered this amazing, too often overlooked, point of view.
June 2, 2019
Love a good biography/memoir
This book took me a while to read. I found a few stories quite good, but it was written quite boringly and I found I struggled to get through it or want to read it.
Still the ladies mentioned in this story as well as the author did the world, not just America, a service so I thank 5em and I’m glad that she was able to tell her story.
This book took me a while to read. I found a few stories quite good, but it was written quite boringly and I found I struggled to get through it or want to read it.
Still the ladies mentioned in this story as well as the author did the world, not just America, a service so I thank 5em and I’m glad that she was able to tell her story.
July 31, 2018
Great!
Being just a little too young to participate in any of the service or even the protests about this war, I appreciate hearing of some of the challenges of that time. Helps me to understand one of my Uncles that served there just a little but more. Thanks, Ms. Barbara!
Being just a little too young to participate in any of the service or even the protests about this war, I appreciate hearing of some of the challenges of that time. Helps me to understand one of my Uncles that served there just a little but more. Thanks, Ms. Barbara!
January 30, 2019
Interesting to see the other side of war
Lots of books have been written about the fighting in Vietnam, this one takes you to the life and death if the hospital's that were there.
Ideal if you want to learn more about the rear areas and the hard work of the medical staff
Lots of books have been written about the fighting in Vietnam, this one takes you to the life and death if the hospital's that were there.
Ideal if you want to learn more about the rear areas and the hard work of the medical staff
February 8, 2019
Inspirational and informative
I grew up during the Vietnam war but I only remember little. I was eleven when the war ended. This is a journey of a nurse sent to that place who comforted and cared for those sent there also.
I grew up during the Vietnam war but I only remember little. I was eleven when the war ended. This is a journey of a nurse sent to that place who comforted and cared for those sent there also.
February 10, 2019
I loved the honesty of Barbara - this must have been a very hard book to write. Most people would want to forget the sights and sounds of war but Barbara has shown that within the horrors there is caring and someone there to help.
March 30, 2019
Easily one of the most interesting memoirs I've read in a while. I myself am a nurse,and can not even fathom being sent only 6 months out of school into such a volatile and chaotic place as neurosurgical in Vietnam. Well written,and captivating.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
February 15, 2020
A casual read from someone who gave a year to serve others. Not extraordinarily informative but I don’t think that was her intent. I think she wanted to tell us what the war was like for her. And she did that flawlessly. Thank you, Ms Kautz, for your service. I enjoyed reading your story.
October 31, 2018
Excellent read..insight into another slice of the Vietnam war that we seldom have chance to
remember....
remember....
September 26, 2020
Review of When I Die I’m Going to Heaven ‘Cause I’ve Spent my Time in Hell
Barbara Kautz’s memoir, When I Die I’m Going to Heaven ‘Cause I’ve Spent my Time in Hell chronicles a year of the author’s life in Vietnam as an army nurse toward the end of the war. She arrives as a 22-year-old and leaves at 23, but ages much more during that period. I picked up this book because my brother-in-law served in that war and I still don’t know much about it from him. It seems to be a time that insiders think outsider couldn’t possibly understand, which is what this author said when she returned.
This memoir gives readers a glimpse into what life was like as a young nurse taking on twelve-hour shifts in a brain trauma unit in the midst of one of our most problematic wars. The vignettes come across as honest admissions —and quite outwardly detailed – recollections. Her memories are mostly chronological but once or twice she jumps to a later time and then goes back to an earlier period. There are also some minor proofreading errors throughout the text, but this doesn’t take away from her story for me. It’s still a powerful account and fascinating to read of her experiences.
The book moves quickly with a combination of description and raw but well-crafted, sometimes gritty dialogue. The author brings out both strong and weaker leadership roles. On the whole, she seems reserved and quiet, but enough of the rebel emerges during her time there to show other facets of her personality.
At times, Kautz seems like a journalist, almost blunt, presenting the facts about some patients’ conditions and ordeals. Then she stops and leaves the reader in a vacuum. What happened? She doesn’t know aside from the fact, they leave. Though I was starting to care about that patient, as seen from her eyes, neither of us can know the end result. Or sometimes she states what happens but doesn’t delve into the emotion. “I put my head down and cried” means so much more than the words depict. It’s like a smoke-screen in which even years later the author cannot harness the emotions her younger self goes through. It somehow touches me.
It was neat to read about the R&R trip she and two other nurses took to Hong Kong halfway through her tour of duty. What wonderful details she remembers! I really got the feel for her age and exuberance and the change of pace.
The photographs the author includes at the end of chapters really enhance her stories. I love seeing her at that age, in front of the places she talks about and with the people she still cares about – her ward, the hospital layout, the helicopters, her close friends, getting promoted, etc. You can see pride, vulnerability. Eagerness. The experience becomes so much more real to the reader. I am reminded of my younger self and the pivotal experiences I’ve gone through.
I loved this memoir! Kautz adds her authentic voice and experiences to embody that turbulent period in history. I so admire her work with traumatic brain patients in the midst of their combat duty. I highly recommend this book.
Barbara Kautz’s memoir, When I Die I’m Going to Heaven ‘Cause I’ve Spent my Time in Hell chronicles a year of the author’s life in Vietnam as an army nurse toward the end of the war. She arrives as a 22-year-old and leaves at 23, but ages much more during that period. I picked up this book because my brother-in-law served in that war and I still don’t know much about it from him. It seems to be a time that insiders think outsider couldn’t possibly understand, which is what this author said when she returned.
This memoir gives readers a glimpse into what life was like as a young nurse taking on twelve-hour shifts in a brain trauma unit in the midst of one of our most problematic wars. The vignettes come across as honest admissions —and quite outwardly detailed – recollections. Her memories are mostly chronological but once or twice she jumps to a later time and then goes back to an earlier period. There are also some minor proofreading errors throughout the text, but this doesn’t take away from her story for me. It’s still a powerful account and fascinating to read of her experiences.
The book moves quickly with a combination of description and raw but well-crafted, sometimes gritty dialogue. The author brings out both strong and weaker leadership roles. On the whole, she seems reserved and quiet, but enough of the rebel emerges during her time there to show other facets of her personality.
At times, Kautz seems like a journalist, almost blunt, presenting the facts about some patients’ conditions and ordeals. Then she stops and leaves the reader in a vacuum. What happened? She doesn’t know aside from the fact, they leave. Though I was starting to care about that patient, as seen from her eyes, neither of us can know the end result. Or sometimes she states what happens but doesn’t delve into the emotion. “I put my head down and cried” means so much more than the words depict. It’s like a smoke-screen in which even years later the author cannot harness the emotions her younger self goes through. It somehow touches me.
It was neat to read about the R&R trip she and two other nurses took to Hong Kong halfway through her tour of duty. What wonderful details she remembers! I really got the feel for her age and exuberance and the change of pace.
The photographs the author includes at the end of chapters really enhance her stories. I love seeing her at that age, in front of the places she talks about and with the people she still cares about – her ward, the hospital layout, the helicopters, her close friends, getting promoted, etc. You can see pride, vulnerability. Eagerness. The experience becomes so much more real to the reader. I am reminded of my younger self and the pivotal experiences I’ve gone through.
I loved this memoir! Kautz adds her authentic voice and experiences to embody that turbulent period in history. I so admire her work with traumatic brain patients in the midst of their combat duty. I highly recommend this book.
January 12, 2021
Interesting memoir. I cannot imagine going through the things she as a nurse experienced. But, the editing was terrible.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 191 reviews