What a terrible book. This is the only one star rating I’ve ever given.
I really liked Tan from Queer eye. I listen to JVN’s podcast, and I love him more the more I hear from him. This was the exact opposite.
From this book, Tan seems like a judgmental, pretentious asshole. He lists the insults he’s received that have stuck with him forever and changed his behaviors, and then turns around and says that unnatural hair colors are universally unflattering and people whose hair goes down to their butt look like they’ve escaped from a cult and their friends are terrible for not telling them that. Like, thanks, way to go and do exactly what you said hurt you in your youth. He says towards the end of the book that he tries to put himself in other people’s shoes when he’s criticizing their outfits, and ask himself how he’d feel if he was receiving the criticism. Did he not even read this book?? He literally gives borderline cruel insults to so many different people, and he’s downright flippant about it. Did he think that it doesn’t count because he’s not saying it to anyone’s face? Did he not consider that some of his readers would be people who make some of those fashion “mistakes,” and be hurt while reading how insensitive he is? One of my favorite things about America the past two times I’ve visited is how everyone seems to be having their own moment in fashion, about how it seems like people are much more free to be themselves these days. In his opinion, you can do that.... as long as you’re not doing one of, um, five million things that are not just wrong, they just make you an imbecile for ever even considering them (in the way his opinion comes off). He makes so many allowances for himself, and then doesn’t consider that other people see themselves as marching to the beat of their own drums as much as he does. He gives himself space for gray areas, but sees everyone else’s fashion sense in black and white.
He makes a point of how much he dislikes bullies... and then proceeds to sound like a huge bully multiple times in this book. And then blames how many jobs he’s had on being a millennial? That is the negative *stereotype* of a millennial, so... way to reinforce that misguided image. Most millennials aren’t actually flakey assholes, they’re just willing to make hard decisions in order to search for a genuinely fulfilling job. That is not the same as walking away from a job at your lunch break, or hopping over the bar in the middle of your shift. That’s called being rude. And I have no desire to listen to someone who is unapologetically rude.
The most important thing I’ve learned in life is that your first impression is almost always wrong. From this book, it seems Tan’s life philosophy is the exact opposite of that. He makes up his mind and refuses to let any other fact or perception change his opinion. That level of stubborn shows a stunning level of immaturity. I can’t imagine being so pretentious as to think I always know best.
There are a few exceptions to that, as when he keeps getting to know his blogger friend Rachel and also Antoni, and Tan acts like he’s genuinely the most surprised human that he was wrong about something. (That bloggers are self-indulgent (which is richly ironic coming from him, at this point) and that Antoni was shy and quiet.) I wonder if he’s ever stopped to consider that he could find himself wrong about a lot of things, if he gave them more than five minutes of a chance.
He also whines for a significant amount of time about how hard it is to do press for Queer Eye; about how it’s exhausting and he misses his husband and he gets homesick after like two days. And then he tries to make up for how much time he spent whining by ending the chapter with a sentence about how grateful he is? Like, I’m NOT FOOLED. Did he honestly regard a book as his big chance to complain?
He could have used his platform for anything. Writing a book is a big deal, especially when you’re so popular. He used it to insult people, make single-minded judgements, and literally say (multiple times!) how much of a jerk he’s been in the past and then fail to realize that he doesn’t sound like he’s done anything to work on those behaviors. His contributions about his experience growing up as an immigrant in Britain were interesting, and in my opinion, were this book’s only redeeming quality.
There’s so much negative energy in this book, I hesitated to even keep reading after the first few chapters. I wanted to keep at it though, see if it got better. It didn’t, and I had a sick feeling the whole way through from all the negativity and the fact that this lovely, cheerful, sassy person I’d grown so fond of was actually this bitter human. Maybe that’s naive of me, to think someone would be the same as they are on a reality show, but as I’ve mentioned I’ve sought out JVN’s work and he seems very genuine and consistent.
All in all, this book was a huge waste of six hours of my life. It’s a bummer, because I love memoirs, I was in the virtual hold line at the library for weeks, and I had been really excited about it.