Fathers and Sons

by Howard Cunnell

As a boy growing up on the south coast of England, Howard Cunnell's sense of self was dominated by his father's absence. Now, years later, he is a father, and his daughter is becoming his son.

Starting with his own childhood in the Sussex beachlands, Howard tells the story of the years of self-destruction that defined his young adulthood and the escape he found in reading and the natural world. Still he felt compelled to destroy the relationships that mattered to him.

Saved by love and responsibility, Cunnell charts his journey from anger to compassion, as his daughter Jay realises he is a boy, and a son. Most of all, this is a story about love - its necessity and fragility, and its unequalled capacity to enable us to be who we are.

Deeply thoughtful, searingly honest and exquisitely lyrical, 'Fathers & Sons' is an exploration of fatherhood, masculinity, authenticity and family.

Genres: Nonfiction

224 pages, Paperback

First published February 9, 2017

About the author

Howard Cunnell was born in Eastbourne, East Sussex, and lives in London. He has worked as a scuba diving instructor, lifeguard, and labourer. He is the editor of Jack Kerouac's "On The Road- The Original Scroll", and is a Leverhulme Research Fellow at the University of Sussex. "Marine Boy" is his first novel.

Reviews

[Bettie · Rating 2 out of 5]

BOTW

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b08j9tk4

Description: As a boy growing up on the south coast of England, Howard Cunnell's sense of self was dominated by his father's absence. Now, years later, he is a father, and his daughter is becoming his son.

Starting with his own childhood in the Sussex beachlands, Howard tells the story of the years of self-destruction that defined his young adulthood and the escape he found in reading and the natural world. Still, he felt compelled to destroy the relationships that mattered to him.

Saved by love and responsibility, Cunnell charts his journey from anger to compassion, as his daughter Jay realises he is a boy, and a son.

Most of all, this is a story about love - its necessity and fragility, and its unequalled capacity to enable us to be who we are.

Deeply thoughtful, searingly honest and exquisitely lyrical, Fathers and Sons is an exploration of fatherhood, masculinity, authenticity and family.

[Laura · Rating 3 out of 5]

From BBC Radio 4 - Book of the week:
As a boy growing up on the south coast of England, Howard Cunnell's sense of self was dominated by his father's absence. Now, years later, he is a father, and his daughter is becoming his son.

Starting with his own childhood in the Sussex beachlands, Howard tells the story of the years of self-destruction that defined his young adulthood and the escape he found in reading and the natural world. Still, he felt compelled to destroy the relationships that mattered to him.

Saved by love and responsibility, Cunnell charts his journey from anger to compassion, as his daughter Jay realises he is a boy, and a son.

Most of all, this is a story about love - its necessity and fragility, and its unequalled capacity to enable us to be who we are.

Deeply thoughtful, searingly honest and exquisitely lyrical, Fathers and Sons is an exploration of fatherhood, masculinity, authenticity and family.

Written by Howard Cunnell
Read by James Lailey
Abridged and produced by Jill Waters
A Waters Company production for BBC Radio 4.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b08jdx6p

[Keen Reader · Rating 2 out of 5]

“We strongly advise you to enjoy this book before turning to the Introduction.”

Like many naïve and willing readers before and after me, I’ve learned the hard way that “Introduction” is usually just another term for “Spoiler frenzy!”. So well done to the forward thinking souls at Wordsworth Classics who actually had the common sense to place a well-positioned spoiler alert before the Introduction.

“So long as the Russian peasant is allowed to go and drink himself to death in a dram-shop, he is ready to submit to any sort of despoilment.”

I struggled to keep up with or engage with this is in any meaningful sense. There were some echoes of Pushkin’s “Eugene Onegin” in terms of the people and the world they inhabit and like that book its charms were lost on me. I realise that one of the major problems I have with many 19th Century Russian novels is that like many 20th Century Latin American novels they have too many characters who often have three names and are not always referred to by the same name, this can become all the more frustrating when there’s no dramatis personae to keep you right.

[Kaph · Rating 1 out of 5]

Verdict; I'm not your therapist!

I feel like Howard should only make people who know him personally read this book. The prose is mediocre at best with some notable descents into lunacies of pretentiousness. Most vom-inducing for me personally were the instances (there were several and 1 would have been too many) when he would question whether his current companion at the time was as poetic and observant as he was, i.e. (Does she notice the flowers on the railway arches? Wonder how they got there and how they bloom? Does she see the clouds and the water in the clouds and feel connected with all life etc etc)

Story wise, the beginning was stronger but only in comparison to the later part of the book where he runs out of things to say but needs to get to a minimum respectable page count so he literally just starts telling us some things he's read about Hemingway and quoting from other starts at short stories he's clearly just dug up from the depths of his Documents file.

I'm not a big memoir fan in general as I find the genre leads to an inescapable amount of self indulgence, even for good writers with good stories. Obviously there was no hope for Cunnell. In the beginning all his problems are someone else's fault and his life sucks despite, thanks to the generous state of the dole at the time and various masochistically loving women, he spends his every day sheltered and cared for.

Then he has kids and leaves for awhile to hang out in Mexico. As you do.*

Then the rest of the book is about Jay** and whatever Cunnell happens to be thinking as he tries to make the publishing deadline. with about 30 pages to go I though,maybe I could phone him up, assure him he is a Good Dad, not like his Bad Dad and then maybe I wouldn't have to read any more. Get a journal!

*fick off

**if Jay was cis no one would have published this book. Fact.

[Wendy Greenberg · Rating 2 out of 5]

I finished this book with a very nebulous opinion.

On the plus side, the writing hits a beautiful, lyrical tide. Cunnell is a selfish man and, at least, he recognises this. He grows up in monoculture, conservative Eastbourne and although this is a minor part of the narrative, the fact that his father is only an absence is the keystone.

The more negative for me was the "bittiness" of the book much of which is painfully pompous. We dodge back and forth in time, amidst different relationships, locations, friendships. Whilst fascinating so far as character development, role models and influence goes, I felt they were too short and random and rather than being explanatory, just landed large open questions. It was so fluid that I constantly felt it was running away from me. Perhaps this is an expression of masculinity that might be appreciated by male readers.

Normally I enjoy a book that makes the reader work but this riff on bad/good fathers felt incredibly self indulgent to me. The asides into poetry, Burroughs, Hemingway etc did not add anything (for me) other than to shout literary credentials/pretensions.

The step fathering of a trans boy could have filled this space yet became an "also ran" to the wider scope of the book. Instead of understanding how the experiences of his life without a father had shaped him, I was left feeling that a compassionate, empathetic father figure had been parachuted in and if he really is that man.

[Mia Edwards · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really loved this beautiful book. It was so soft and sad to read and I would recommend it to anyone interested in themes of masculinity, parenthood, pain and growth.

[Sharon · Rating 3 out of 5]

An honest and moving memoir.

[Lucy Ponton · Rating 1 out of 5]

Did not finish this. Just couldn’t get into it

[Maile · Rating 3 out of 5]

Leidsin ingliskeelse raamatu reisil olles raamatukapist, kaas ja sisu tutvustus tõmbas lugema. Räägib see kirjaniku mälestustest, kuidas oli kasvada ilma isata, kuidas see ilmselt mõjutas tema noorust ja enesehävituslikku käitumist. Teine pool raamatust räägib tema enda vanemaks olemise raskustest, kui ta tütar teatab, et on sündinud vales kehas ja soovib olla poiss.
Nagu autor ise ütleb, et teda on mõjutanud raamatud ja Kerouac.
Kohati oli nauditav ligeda ühe mehe mõtteid nö maskuliinsetel teemadel ja kujutan ette, et talle oligi see teraapiline kirjutamine. Mina kõrvalt ootasin siiski midagi muud, aga oli ilusaid hetki.

[bookblast official · Rating 5 out of 5]

Cunnell has succeeded in writing a deeply felt, intimate, honest and restrained memoir in lucid prose. As he explores masculinity and the family, he pays homage to the master of writing by omission, “Papa” Hemingway, whose “iceberg theory” is worth reiterating: Write about what you know, but don’t write all that you know; grace comes from understatement; create feelings from the fewest details needed; forget the flamboyant. Fathers & Sons is a memorable and manly classic.

(Reviewed fully on bookblast.com, 2017)

[Sadie Seroxcat · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting, touching and insightful. The author has written this memoir of masculinity, family and growth through difficulty to maturity and responsibility with real and admirable vulnerability and honesty.

Thanks to Netgalley, publisher and author for a free copy of this book in exchange for an honest, unbiased review.

[Suzanne · Rating 5 out of 5]

A tender and beautifully written memoir which I finished in one sitting. Having been born in 1964 I could relate to that timespan.

[Sally Wilson · Rating 3 out of 5]

Found reading it a bit confusing,

[Barbara · Rating 5 out of 5]

beautiful, delicate, and so full of love

[Yakiv · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's rare for me to buy a book I know nothing about, but it was a gamble that paid off well. I'm glad to see a thoughtful and deeply loving depiction of trans people, even if at times descriptions feel cliché or dated (after all, it's not my story, and if Jay was fine with those, then so am I). It's not often that trans stories are about swift and complete acceptance, much less about familial support. Thank you for that.
More than that, it's an interesting book in its own right. It's vivid, rich in colour and often very poetic. The struggles of understanding family and parenthood spoke to me, and I admire the author for being honest even when the truth casts him in a bad light. It's the kind of a book I might want to return to.

[Adrian · Rating 3 out of 5]

so close to home, not just geographically. a beautifully written book full of love and longing and hope. couldn't have asked for more.