When God Becomes Real

by Brian Johnson

Panic snuck up on Brian Johnson while he was out with his son, and it clung to him on his desperate drive home. Feeling almost outside of himself, his family called 911. He was spiraling into darkness. Waiting for the ambulance to arrive, unsure of what was happening, he gathered his family around him and asked them to pray for him. Then he said these pivotal words, “This is when God becomes real.” In his first book, Brian shares how the panic and anxiety of his early life?panic he’d thought he’d beaten?came back to haunt him. After experiencing debilitating anxiety attacks from the age of 7 into his early adult years, Brian learned how worship ushered in the Presence of God and pushed the panic away. 

Now in his mid-thirties and believing himself free, Brian had a vision for worship in the church, built a successful music label with his wife, and written award-winning songs and albums. He was at the height of his success, and from all appearances, things were better than ever. But in the midst of that success, the ghost of his childhood anxiety returned, stronger than ever, and it pulled Brian into a downward spiral of chaos and darkness.

In the year that would follow, Brian came to experience the ultimate power of surrendering the panic and chaos to God. Whether or not you’ve struggled with panic and anxiety, you’ve found yourself in pain, asking God for relief. In  When God Becomes Real , Brian shares his vulnerable story of overcoming panic and anxiety. Discover how you might find God, even in your darkest hour.

Genres: Christian, Nonfiction, Faith, Christianity, Audiobook, Spirituality, Biography

200 pages, Paperback

Published February 5, 2019

About the author

Librarian Note: There is more than one author in the Goodreads database with this name.

My word where to begin? I've had time on my hands over recent years, following early retirement, that I believe has been put to good use. My wife and I enjoy holidays, theatre and dining out, together I hasten to add; which I guess would keep most people content. Primarily though, I think I have been lucky to spend more time with my grandchildren than would otherwise have been possible.
I've been able to do some not very good watercolour pantings and some cooking which has turned out to be surprisingly edible.
As far as my writing is concerned; it was originally no more than a case of give it a try and see how it goes. The first chapter of my debut Captain Shoelace story was so well received by friends and family that I was encouraged to see it through to the end.
It seems that the book is appreciated by a wider audience than I anticipated. So much so in fact, another Shoelace story is in the pipeline. Whoever would have believed it!

Reviews

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was an amazing book. Well told. Easy to read and understand.

Having gone through some of what Brian went through I can attest to his testimony. Anxiety and panic can be a battle, the irrational thoughts and fears, but God is enough.

I battled my way through with prayer, worship, consuming the Word, renewing my mind, fellowshipping with other believers.

Brian's books is hope to all who feel the battles may never end. They can and will as we deal with any personal pain and unforgiveness, as we continually surrender to God.

I'm thrilled he wrote this book.

[Lisa · Rating 3 out of 5]

Great description of anxiety and panic. As someone who suffers from it though, I was disappointed that the focus was only on faith (and a little bit on meds) as a means of healing. I am a person of deep faith, but after a lifetime of battling anxiety and depression, have found that there is so much more to healing from this disease. Therapy is so important, medications as needed, lifestyle, and yes, a spiritual life. It felt a bit like a judgement to hear that only the faith and leaning into faith are necessary to heal.

[Faith Spinks · Rating 4 out of 5]

So thankful for this very honest and simple book by Brian Johnson telling his own story of his journey through panic attacks, and then seeing God's great transformative power in bringing him to a place of healing.

As Brian explores and shares about some of the roots and results of his struggle with panic it really helped me in recognising some similar patterns in my own anxiety and panic attacks. Definitely helpful in recognising that there is a way through and in remembering that God is bigger than it.

Definitely recommend.

[Emily Elisabeth · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars! I really enjoyed reading Brian’s testimony with fighting anxiety and panic. If you deal with any of these things I think he gives a good story of hope and example of how to lean on God during those times. The most inspiring part of his story in my opinion was how his dad would fight for him with worship and prayer during his younger years. I love bethel and Jenn is one of my favorite worship leaders so I enjoyed getting some back story of Bethel music too.

[Paula White · Rating 5 out of 5]

Once I began reading I couldn’t stop. Brian Johnson writes his story with a raw vulnerability, describing the darkness of anxiety and brokenness with clarity. I love the thread of hope woven throughout the pages of this book.

[Erin Kemp · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was so excited to read this book — looking for help with anxiety and fears, but was so disappointed with how the book played out. The chapters dragged on for me and felt slightly “braggy” about Bethel’s worship success; something that isn’t news to anyway. The chapters ran together and it just didn’t all come full circle for me, unfortunately.

[Renée · Rating 3 out of 5]

I thought it was very interesting and informative to read about Brian’s experiences with panic attacks and how he overcame them. I also liked that he talked about the events and experiences leading up to the attacks (as it gave some more insight) but he could have skipped the entire part about the inner workings of Bethel and the struggles within the worship team. It felt too long, very repetitive and vague. Instead of taking several chapters I feel like that could have been condensed to one or two paragraphs. But the gist of this book is amazing regardless: panic and anxiety can happen to anyone. And God is the way out. Amen!

[Amanda · Rating 4 out of 5]

I finished this in a day. It’s no secret that I struggle with panic and anxiety. For years I lived in shame thinking I was doing something wrong. Reading Brian’s testimony both validates and encourages. We need to realize we are not alone. We also need to realize that victory CAN happen. (Also, I’m a huge Bethel Music fan so it was fun to read how they evolved.)

[Kellie Coatney · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is incredible! Brian’s story is absolutely incredible. As someone who goes through anxiety it feels so good to hear my worship pastor struggled through it as well. I love how the Lord has just changed his whole perspective on anxiety and panic attacks. Thank you Brian for writing this book. I’m ready to overcome my anxiety just like you have!!!

[Jillian Armstrong · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was really moved by how open and vulnerably Brian Johnson shares his journey through a dark time in his life. I also really enjoyed knowing the backstories to some of the songs he’s written. I didn’t think the writing was the best but the powerful testimony made up for any lack there and I was completely captivated.

[Dave Baskeyfield · Rating 5 out of 5]

What an amazing book! Out of all the books I’ve ever read, this one was the easiest to pick up and immerse myself in. I love it, it’s not fluffy at all, rather the writing is as straight as a nail. Superb stuff, he should write more books, fiction even as the writing style is the best. I’d love to catch up with Brian and chat about my own similar experiences. I highly recommend this book.

[Judith Hazenberg · Rating 2 out of 5]

Mooi maar het bleef mij op een of andere manier niet zo boeien.

[Laur · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brian is so vulnerable and raw about his experiences in this book, and I appreciated it so much.
I bought and read this in one sitting, and am so glad I did.
It didn't feel like a pity party or a whine fest AT ALL, which is saying something, because a lot of books about breakdowns and depression can get really...depressing. I've read a few that really pressed the fragile state of life, and how if you've experienced depression it'll always come back to haunt you throughout all of time, but this book was not like that. (hashtag PRAISE.)
It wasn't like a self help book. It seemed more like Brian sharing his own story and what did/didn't work for him, not a step-by-step poetic ride through how to cope with big feelings.
I appreciate and respect him all the more after reading this.

[Valisoa Ranaivoarilala · Rating 3 out of 5]

I went through a burn out and anxiety. A friend recommended me the book. I can say it was helpful in a sens of getting some words to explain what was happening to me. Of course, it is Brian’s experience, and so I just took out of it what would be helpful for me.

[Alexia · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have struggled with postpartum anxiety after each of my 3 children. When I saw that this was coming out about 6 months ago, I preordered a copy. I NEVER DO THAT FOR NON-FICTION BOOKS! I felt a strong pull from Holy Spirit to read it and that God had big things for me when I did. I feel very thankful and blessed that Brian invited us into his very personal story so that we may also heal and have hope. Brian, thank you for listening to God and others to keep going and publishing this.

[Kelsey Wright · Rating 5 out of 5]

THIS BOOK IS A MUST READ. I finished it within HOURS. My eyes were constantly glued to these pages and words and I literally couldn’t put it down. Every word resonated with me and I found myself saying “Me too.” “I thought I was the only one.” It really made me feel less alone, crazy, and encouraged. The words in this book are RAW, REAL, and you can feel the vulnerability it took to write this. I absolutely love real, and authentic stories from real people with REAL struggles. Definitely a book I will come back to.

[Melissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

"We were designed to feel the pain and then bring it to the Father. That's what Jesus did. He felt the pain and laid it at the Father's feet... No one can bear the weight of unforgiveness and stress alone... There will come a time when you can't avoid the stress of life or numb the pain anymore. And when your coping mechanisms don't work anymore, consider it a gift. Consider it a gift when God becomes your only option... Experience the pain and bring it to God. You'll find Him faithful".

First off:

Regarding the reviews saying that almost all of Brian's emphasis is on healing anxiety through prayer and faith and not medicine or therapy,

1) Isn't that the ultimate goal; why then did you pick this up?

2) Did you miss the entire 30% (ish) of the book where he talks about not only using but actually RELYING on anxiety medication to get through the day, how he was using a known addictive substance that resulted in self-increasing his dose for the same effect, and that with the very close supervision of his doctor, he started to wean off of it, when it was appropriate to do so?

3) At no point ever does he hate on therapy but for the sake of those unfamiliar, Inner Healing is like if you take therapy and speed up the process exponentially because you're getting to the root of the issues directly with God. That's only tens of thousands more valuable than sitting in who knows how many therapy sessions for a fraction of the progress. He's also close family friends with a few published counselors. He would never agree with these assertions he's not about therapy. It just so happens that God's plans for HIS UNIQUE healing journey, which is not anyone else's healing journey, looked different in this specific area of his life.

4) THIS IS NOT A PROSPERITY GOSPEL STORY! He never says oh yeah just because I got in the word every day and had more faith God healed me. He first managed through medication, then came to realize that his numbing the problem but not addressing the root was causing it to fester, then started addressing the roots in the way that he specifically needed to, and then as he started to live out of his healing he got off the meds in a controlled way and began to live more and more in freedom.

5) He talks so clearly and specifically about how tools, such as medication, can be good, but the root issues have to be dealt with. This is no different than any of us talking about slapping a bandaid on a problem.

Examine your own offenses before cherry picking from the words that are right in front of you.

Review:

This testimony of God's inner healing and freedom from anxiety and panic is powerful and moving.
It brings such a beautiful new dynamic to understanding Brian's heart in worship, knowing now what he's been brought through, why it is he worships and passionately leads people into the presence of God.

I found so much paralleled with my own journey where God was pressing on me for months to rest but I couldn't wrap my head around how, so he literally MADE ME against my will in ways not all that different, that's where I was also laid bare and had to just trust him with the pains I hadn't yet healed from and I'm learning now to seek him anew in each new day just like he led Brian to as well.

I even found so many beautiful and powerful insights just from the dynamic of the family, from Beni & Bill's gentle but firm and spiritually authoritative and spirit led parenting 😮‍💨🔥(whewww!!!), to Jenn's support and wisdom and the dynamic between the two of them, all of which I want to glean from and practice in my own relationships and marriage.

And as a worshipper and a songwriter, just so many nuggets of wisdom to glean from. Wow.

For a glimpse into this pastor and artist's heart, for insight/wisdom/strength in your own journey to freedom in the dark night of the soul (any pain, not just panic/anxiety), or just to read a powerful testimony full of wisdom, I highly recommend this book.

[Lindsey Varble · Rating 4 out of 5]

Okay, so to be honest, I had no idea what I was reading when I started this. I saw the book and saw it was by Brian Johnson, but for some reason I was thinking Brian Houston, the Hillsong pastor. So I was totally expecting to hear from Brian Houston, and then he kept talking about Bethel, and I’m like, wait, is this not the Hillsong pastor?

So. Although this wasn’t what I expected, this was a really good read! (Or listen. I did this one on audio). It was more autobiographical than I was expecting also, but I found his story really encouraging and powerful. He tells about his experiences with panic attacks and anxiety, and how worship was a tool for him to combat those things. He talks a lot about the power of worship and the impact worship has in the spiritual realm. In addition, he tells the story of starting out with Bethel music, and hearing the backstory there was interesting since we sing so many of their songs on any given Sunday morning.

The book is about turning to God and trusting him when it feels like you’re falling apart or even losing your mind. It left me with a greater sense of God’s power, and made me want to sing and worship.

Going in, I didn’t know this book was about Bethel. I didn’t know it was autobiographical. I didn’t know it was about anxiety. But I’m glad I read it.

[Lee Murray · Rating 5 out of 5]

When God Becomes Real is a riveting read from one of the leaders of contemporary worship movement.

I would describe it more of an overview, as the details would probably be numbing to most readers. Having listened to much of Bethel’s music over the past few years, this book was an eye opening glimpse behind the scenes of what is one of the most successful music labels in America.

To me this is good, because it shows that real people create this music, and the pressures, schedules, overbooking and “corporate” attitudes can very easily take root in Christian ministries.

Brian Johnson—and his family, ministry, and church—paid a price for the struggles during this time period. Yet it also shows that God can use people in spite of the flaws of the individuals involved.

I thought it was a great read and showed true human struggle behind a stressed out lifestyle and the options available to treat a very real human condition. Brian Johnson said it best—“Consider it a gift when God becomes your only option.”

[Ruth Mekonnen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brian’s story did just what God had intended: helping to free those caught in similar seasons of fear and torment that Brian experienced. I believe my Deliverer and Healer will come soon, as He has come for so many others. I will see myself on the other side of this valley and will testify to the goodness of God and how Brian’s lyrics will prove themselves true:
“Your Love outlasts the deepest pain
Your arms still reach the furthest place
Your light still shines
To light up the darkest night.”

My God will show Himself to be more than enough. Every moment of our lives, in rest and suffering, in joy and in pain, He is good and His steadfast love endures forever. Of this I can be certain. I must be. Just as the Truth and the very realness of God became a lifeline for Brian in his time of need, the same is true for me in my darkest hours.

Praise God for this testimony. I don’t feel alone in the valley. The Lord Himself goes before me and He has led countless others through in generations before. He is truly the Faithful One.

[Daunavan Buyer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another #bookrecommendation - if you’re going to read this one grab a tissue :) In this book, Brian Johnson, the worship pastor at Bethel Church and head of Bethel Music, shares his story (unfiltered) about how he has struggled with anxiety, depression, panic attacks and overwhelming stress while enjoying tremendous ministry fruitfulness and growth. It struck me how he would share of his dreams becoming true on the outside while his inner life was in turmoil. (Spoiler alert) His story has hope, as he found that much of what he was doing to cope was simply a band aid... it took letting God into the most vulnerable places, releasing bitterness & unforgiveness, and choosing to live present in the everyday tonstsrt walking out the reality of healing & wholeness. It’s a quick read but it’s a heavy read! Also cool to get a bit of a look at the behind the scenes at Bethel Music and Bethel Church!

[Christina Knighton · Rating 3 out of 5]

While I am thankful that the Christian community is talking about mental disorders I felt that this book was lacking. It’s almost as if this book was written for a smaller audience (w/in the Bethel community) and not the broader population. I don’t intend to diminish Brian’s experience and personal battles but I could not relate to his quest for freedom and I’m not sure many can. Not everyone has the ability to leave work for weeks and “take it slow” ... we can’t all retreat in the woods and take trips to “find our peace”. It was disappointing to read his views on a medical approach to treat anxiety and panic.
I gave it an extra star because I do value and appreciate his views on worship/prayer and the spiritual battles taking place in those of us who struggle with mental health. I believe in the power of healing but also see the need for medicine and other treatments when necessary.

[Mad_hatter · Rating 4 out of 5]

super easy read! flowed like a story :)
Brian transitions smoothly between past and present in an easy to follow manner
Big takeaways for me:

-love love love how he led by example with his kids. It's hard that God becomes real in hard times, but also a necessary clock on the head when we are drifting away from Him

-the bad stuff builds up in our hearts even when we don't notice it, and can cause problems in the future...but through asking God to show us where the brokenness and hurt lies, we can find healing and rest in Him

I really admire and applaud the bravery it must have taken to speak openly about mental health from a place of leadership and heavy burden. Thank you Brian for sharing your story. It's been an inspiration to so many!

on another note: first finished book of the year...yikes for my reading goals >_<

[Ezechel · Rating 5 out of 5]

A true tale of panic attacks and recovery, coupled with the back story of formation and growth of one of the biggest acts in Christian music, including how some of their most famous songs came to be, for those of us who are interested.
It's somewhat encouraging and refreshing to see that even for the people at the heart of the (somewhat controversial) Bethel flavor of Charismatic Christianity healing is not an instant miracle, but a process that involves worship and prayer of course, but also doctors, counseling, and a strong community.
Maybe the most intriguing part is how he opens up the question whether what he considered spiritual attacks when he was younger is the same thing as the latest emotional breakdown, or otherwise what are the real differences between them. And then he leaves the question unanswered. Maybe a deeper analysis in a future book?

[Nia · Rating 5 out of 5]

I needed this book in this season of my life where I have so much anxiety and pain and I’m so glad I found it. This book was written perfectly. I felt the vulnerability, the pain, the relief. The narrator/author has a very soothing way of speaking. Above all,while listening to this book, I heard God speaking. There were many instances where I heard a voice from deep within and then the author would go on to say something that corroborated. Like feeling old emotions I had buried and right after hearing him say, “feelings buried alive don’t die.” Or “Time doesn’t heal old wounds. It lets them fester.” I plan to purchase the actual book as well to keep as a staple. It’s a must read.

[Yasmeen Khan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Glory to God

Thank you Brian for the vulnerability it took to share your story. To God be the glory for how good He is at healing. He has a tailor made way to heal each on of us- Brian followed Him and is sharing timely keys to victory over affliction. I loved hearing about his history with God and all the amazing lessons learned along the way. This book serves as a reminder to walk in the simple devotion to Christ that we were made for, to forgive, to process your pain, and to enjoy the freedom we were made for. Thank you to the author for reminding us that we are not alone when we face terror. God is on the other side.

[Zack Loy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the single best supplemental Christian book I have ever read. I often read books on Christianity and find them rather dry because they don’t apply to my struggle or my need at the time. But this book was different, I don’t struggle with panic attacks but when I read about his they felt real to me and it was easy to see the Lord working in Mr. Johnson’s life. This is a book I will never forget. I am definitely going to buy a few more copies to give away because this is to good to keep to myself. I am not even suggesting you read it I Implore you to read this. I guarantee it will change your life.

[Rob · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a really powerful testimony about Brian's personal battles. I picked it up off my shelf because I just felt a pull towards it - I guess that was God, because it really connected with me in the current season I'm in of emotional processing and healing.

A couple of TRIGGER WARNINGS I guess: Lots of discussion on anxiety, panic attacks, and mental breakdowns. Also, there is a brief story on homosexuality which comes from a conservative evangelical perspective - my personal opinion is that the story could have been omitted because of it's portrayal of homosexuality. That doesn't in my opinion negate the rest of the Spiritual wisdom throughout the book though.

[Mel Flowers · Rating 1 out of 5]

It was great to a point. Someone purchased this book for me because I have a history of struggling with panic disorder. While he does a great job of explaining what having a panic attack is truly like, he lost me when he revealed himself as a bigot and claimed homosexuality is from the devil. I finished the book because I promised the person that got it for me that I would. There were some parts of the book I related to but then the last half of the book is just him not so humbly bragging about all of his accomplishments. Maybe narcissism caused his anxiety. Don’t buy anything from this bigot.

[Alicia Kronick · Rating 5 out of 5]

The book grabbed my attention from the very beginning. As a fellow worship musician, the details of building up a team was very interesting. And—Getting the whole picture of what was happening in his life gave me an understanding of the pressure on his emotional resources. It’s unbelievable the amount of stress he endured! The ending chapters wrapped up the healing process nice & neat. The last sentence was like a bright red bow— Jesus, our blessed Redeemer! Bravo to Brian! Grateful to you for sharing your story!