Helping Your Child with Fears and Worries: A Self-Help Guide for Parents

by Cathy Creswell, Lucy Willetts, Peter Cooper (Editor)

PREVIOUSLY PUBLISHED AS OVERCOMING YOUR CHILD'S FEARS AND WORRIESDoes your child suffer from fears and worries that affect their behaviour or keep them awake at night?Fears and worries are very common among children with around 15% thought to suffer from anxiety disorders; the most commonly identified emotional or behavioural problems among children. However, if left unchecked, they can cause more serious problems such as school avoidance, difficulties in making friends and long-term problems with anxiety and depression. Written by two of the UK's foremost experts on childhood anxiety, this extremely useful guide will enable you to understand what is causing your child's worries and to carry out step-by-step practical strategies to help him or her to overcome them, · Addressing specific fears and phobias as well as general anxiety and 'worrying'· Using case studies, worksheets and chartsHelping Your Child is a series for parents and caregivers to support children through developmental difficulties, both psychological and physical. Each guide uses clinically-proven techniques.Series Professor Peter Cooper and Dr Polly Waite

Genres: Nonfiction, Psychology, Parenting, Childrens

290 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 25, 2007

Reviews

[Stefanie · Rating 1 out of 5]

The preface of the book states the books practices have not been tested on autistic children however this book appears to be the go to from children’s mental health professionals and was heavily pushed on my by three different practitioners, with a follow up course based on the books principles also offered.

Throughout the book are heavy themes of parent blame for the child’s anxieties along with incredibly outdated terminology such as “tantrums” when referring to a child with challenging behaviour and practices many studies have shown as harmful such as “time outs” and dangerous advice not to comfort your child if distressed.

There are many mentions of children who are afraid of imaginary monsters or spiders, and very little talk of children with solid fears around things that actually will happen and will continue to happen, such as my own child’s fears that they’ll be constant screaming and noise in class which affects his sound sensitivity and does happen daily in class. The book is built upon banishing fears and making children more resilient but does not acknowledge that for neurodiverse children the school or other settings simply do not cater for them and puts emphasis on children having to change to fit the mould rather than the urgent need for change in our education system and world.

Autistic children are often struggling due to unmet needs and the heavy push on rewarding “good” behaviour does not tackle this, or address the fact reward systems often do not work in the long term and only seek to teach a child that by behaving a certain way they will get rewarded, they do not address the reasons for the behaviour or the complexities behind autistic childrens anxiety. Rewards teach a child that good things come as a transaction and do not set them up for real world scenarios where there is no reward. Not fully addressing behaviours also runs the risk of a child complying to achieve the rewards for a spell of time only to lead to burnout when forcing themselves to comply becomes too much.

Time outs and the suggestion of not comforting a child when distressed are recommended in this book with no mention of the dangers of these sort of love withdrawal techniques. They do not teach a ND child how to regulate their emotions and parenting based upon fear and abandonment is not good parenting.

Idealistic views that schools are supportive around a child struggling with anxiety, attendance or bullying issues which for many parents including myself is simply not the case. In fact we’re often expected to consistently haul our children into trauma inducing, unsuitable environments or face fines or court.
In summary, I cannot comment on if this book would help a child simply struggling with anxiety, as I do not have lived experience of this however I feel it is wholly unsuitable for a child who is neurodivergent and the book is based on parent blame and unrealistic situations, along with very outdated terminology such as using “tantrums” when referring to challenging behaviour or reactions to unmet needs.

I am appalled that this out of date book is being touted by professionals to parents of ND children as the ultimate guide to solving a child’s anxiety. The book undermines the complex difficulties a child with anxiety may be facing and seeks to lay blame on parents with no acknowledgment of the external factors and pressures children today are having to face, in an education system that has not changed since Victorian times.

That said, as the book clearly states it has not been tested on autistic children, the authors cannot be wholly blamed for comments I have made on the unsuitability for ND children and one must ask why practitioners seem so hell bent on pushing this book on parents raising autistic children?

[Annie Donette · Rating 2 out of 5]

Probably something that works brilliantly for neurotypical children with anxiety. Not applicable to an autistic / Adhd / PDA brain.

[M G · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really useful clearly set out strategies.

[Libby · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a really helpful book if you are waiting for your child to receive support from CAMHs or other mental health professionals. It’s simple, has practical activities that you can easily implement and above all make you feel like there is something you can do to help your child at home while you wait in that long queue for professional support. It may even be a good read for adults with anxiety as it’s not patronising and could help you implement strategies to manage your own anxiety.

Would definitely recommend.

[Green Hedgehog · Rating 5 out of 5]

Когда в вашей жизни появляется ребенок, то наверняка и ваши читательские привычки тоже претерпевают достаточно сильные изменения. Вот и в моем случае произошло именно такое. В списке «книг к прочтению» у меня стало куда больше книг по воспитанию детей, плюс еще всякие сайты, статьи и тому подобные вещи. Книга «Спокойные» именно из этого списка. Она посвящается воспитанию тревожных детей. Тех, кто чего-то боится, излишне переживает о каких-то вещах и вообще ведет себя неспокойно. Просто мне кажется, что в нынешнее время таких детей большинство и надо на всякий пожарный быть готовым ко всему. Ну и тем более, что в книге авторы обещают помочь разобраться со своими чувствами тревоги и страхами самим родителям. Я как раз именно из тех самых тревожных родителей, так что мне это будет полезно.

И книга в самом деле оказалась полезной. В ней авторы разбирают то, как можно продуктивно общаться с детьми, чтобы показать им свое участие и желание помочь. Как результативно поддержать их в трудную минуту и успешно разобраться с их страхами. В чем-то часть советов напомнила мне навык «активного слушанья». Но кроме этого, несомненно полезного умения авторы предлагают нам более комплексный подход к решению проблем ребенка. Они советуют провести целое исследование, совместно с самим ребенком и при его активном и непосредственном участии. Разбить одну большую сложную задачу по преодолению страха на более простые пункты, которые можно легко отслеживать. Ребенок боится пауков? Не надо демонстрировать ему живых насекомых, пусть для начала посмотрит на иллюстрации, потом на игрушечных и так далее. Пусть расскажет о своих ожиданиях от этой процедуры. Что по его мнению произойдет, когда он увидит рисунок паука? А что он почувствовал, после того, как увидел этот рисунок? Ну и конечно награждать ребенка за выполнение каждого пункта. Это если вкратце. А если подробно, то каждый пункт здесь разобран очень детально и с изрядной дотошностью.

Например, как понять какие награды заслуживает ребенок? Зачем и как спрашивать ребенка об его страхах? Что делать если он не говорит о своих переживаниях? Как правильно подвести разговор к его фобиям, так чтобы он не переживал и не волновался? Ну и куча других мелких деталей. Разбираются реальные примеры с участием нескольких детей и их разнообразными страхами. И вот демонстрируя нам эти страхи, происходит знакомство с порядком действий в сложной ситуации. В качестве дополнения — целая куча таблиц, алгоритмов и иллюстраций в виде лесенок. Ну да-да, наглядная метафора того, что преодоление страха — это похоже на то, как взбираться по лестнице, постепенно со ступеньки на ступеньку.

В общем, книга мне показалась очень полезной. Особенно в той части, когда автор предлагает использовать аналогичную методику и для того, чтобы разобраться в собственных страхах. Не скажу, что мне это помогло (все-таки я еще недостаточно хорошо проработал изученное), но придало мне какой-то уверенности. Да и если честно, методика изложенная в книге выглядит не особо сложной в применении, но судя по всему вполне действенной и полезной.

[Paula Street · Rating 5 out of 5]

This appears to be an excellent book. It was very easy to read, although I spread it out over several months and only read it when I had time and space to concentrate on the details. I have gained some new understanding and new perspectives, and lots of new ideas for practical ways to support all of us to address our fears and worries, but I haven’t put any of them into practice yet. Time will tell how helpful these ideas actually are…

[Mum With A Book · Rating 5 out of 5]

This has helped my husband and I with our daughter's anxiety, along with her counsellor we use this book to guide us. We were definitely sceptical until we put what was written into practice and the change in my daughter has been incredible! I highly recommend for primary and secondary school children. To be honest the examples and help advised in this book I use with adults struggling to.

[Yulia Basenko · Rating 3 out of 5]

Вроде есть понятные советы по многим актуальным вопросам.
Но в каких-то моментах меня авторы не убедили, в других - я пробовала, так не работает, а в каких-то я точно знаю, что это последнее, что я буду применять.

[Lord Barrold Ainsley · Rating 4 out of 5]

Whilst it won’t guarantee the perfect life for you and your child it is certainly a great resource in structuring a plan and associated steps to work through. The book is easy to read - the hard work is implementing it into your life. Good luck!

[Anne-Marie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read this for work - highly recommended if it's relevant to your situation. Obviously cannot cover everything with regards to helping parents, carers or guardians manage their own worries/anxiety, particularly if they may benefit from their own support. But it is a great springboard.

[James Koppert · Rating 4 out of 5]

Useful techniques thst I can do and make sense

[Eloise · Rating 3 out of 5]

3 ⭐️

[Catherine · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very informative for parents with anxious children. Definitely feel it is most effective alongside the support of a clinician.  

[Sara Coppens · Rating 5 out of 5]

Heel toegankelijk boek, met stapsgewijze aanpak en veel tips!

[Natalie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Book for work ✅

[Zoe · Rating 4 out of 5]

(Read for uni)

[Siobhan Jackson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read for uni as part of my CYWP training - super easy book to read, if a little idealistic at times, but it does make it clear that consistency is key.