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Salty
�Smith gets the details of mid-level rock stardom just right … mixing laughs and satire like a cross between Carl Hiaasen and Ross Thomas. A-” —Entertainment Weekly
From the author of Moist and Delicious comes a raucous comic novel where anything goes. Turk Henry, an overweight, unemployed rock star married to a supermodel, has discovered that Thailand is probably the last place a recovering sex addict should go on vacation, yet here he is, surrounded by topless groupies and haunted by the stares of hundreds of luscious bar girls. Turk’s struggles with monogamy, however, pale beside a greater challenge when his wife is abducted by a group of renegade, shipless Thai pirates. As Turk, whose life skills are limited to playing bass and partying, navigates the back alleys of Bangkok and the deadly jungles of Southeast Asia to save his wife, Salty heats up and sweats bullets. Featuring skinflint American tourists, topless beaches, a hypochondriac U.S. government agent, suitcases loaded with cash, an over-eager full-service personal assistant, a horny Australian commando, inventive prostitutes, and an urbane pirate with a fetish for alabaster skin, this is a hilariously entertaining, thoroughly debauched caper novel — with a happy finish.
From the author of Moist and Delicious comes a raucous comic novel where anything goes. Turk Henry, an overweight, unemployed rock star married to a supermodel, has discovered that Thailand is probably the last place a recovering sex addict should go on vacation, yet here he is, surrounded by topless groupies and haunted by the stares of hundreds of luscious bar girls. Turk’s struggles with monogamy, however, pale beside a greater challenge when his wife is abducted by a group of renegade, shipless Thai pirates. As Turk, whose life skills are limited to playing bass and partying, navigates the back alleys of Bangkok and the deadly jungles of Southeast Asia to save his wife, Salty heats up and sweats bullets. Featuring skinflint American tourists, topless beaches, a hypochondriac U.S. government agent, suitcases loaded with cash, an over-eager full-service personal assistant, a horny Australian commando, inventive prostitutes, and an urbane pirate with a fetish for alabaster skin, this is a hilariously entertaining, thoroughly debauched caper novel — with a happy finish.
320 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2007
31 people are currently reading
277 people want to read
About the author
Mark Haskell Smith
19 books196 followersMark Haskell Smith is the author of seven novels with one word titles, most recently Blown and Memoires, and three nonfiction books including Rude Talk in Athens and Naked at Lunch.
He lives in Los Angeles. He likes Mexican food.
He lives in Los Angeles. He likes Mexican food.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 51 reviews
August 1, 2016
This catches me up with Smith's body of work, from his novels to his non-fiction. In short, I'm familiar with what Smith has done and how he operates.
When it comes to his novels, SALTY is one of the best.
I might be wrong, but it has always seemed to me that Smith's primary goal is to entertain--with some nice cultural critiquing as the subtext--and he does so with gusto here.
The characters are all sorts of fun and over-the-top in their own ways, yet still human in their wants and needs. They never become too caricaturized. They're still relatable and human--even if they're former metal superstars.
All the necessary pieces are in place here, as we have a fun and action-packed plot, characters with wonderful wit, sex, subtle critiques, and all of it wraps up in a satisfying way.
If you haven't read Smith before, this is a great place to start, and with the film coming out next year, 2017, you should get on board before everyone else does.
When it comes to his novels, SALTY is one of the best.
I might be wrong, but it has always seemed to me that Smith's primary goal is to entertain--with some nice cultural critiquing as the subtext--and he does so with gusto here.
The characters are all sorts of fun and over-the-top in their own ways, yet still human in their wants and needs. They never become too caricaturized. They're still relatable and human--even if they're former metal superstars.
All the necessary pieces are in place here, as we have a fun and action-packed plot, characters with wonderful wit, sex, subtle critiques, and all of it wraps up in a satisfying way.
If you haven't read Smith before, this is a great place to start, and with the film coming out next year, 2017, you should get on board before everyone else does.
August 30, 2015
Mark has completely outdone himself on his third novel. Semi retired rock star Turk Henry is finally monogamous, after banging so many women in his history as a bass player for Metal Assassin. He's married and determined to stay faithful to his wife. They're living the high life in Phucket, Thailand, when all things go to hell.
I don't want to give away too much, but if you're looking for literary transgression Elmore Leonard style, look no further. This is a must read for your summer reading list.
I was that guy laughing outloud at the cafe while I read SALTY.
I don't want to give away too much, but if you're looking for literary transgression Elmore Leonard style, look no further. This is a must read for your summer reading list.
I was that guy laughing outloud at the cafe while I read SALTY.
February 23, 2019
After all the heavy-duty reading I’ve been doing lately this hilarious romp really hit the spot!
May 4, 2020
I’d never heard of this author before but was pleasantly surprised. This was a fun read. Humorous and tacitly insightful. Quirky and unusual story with some unexpected twists. Definitely reading another one from this guy.
September 30, 2008
All of my favorite literary elements have come together: silliness, debauchery, pornography, ridiculous scenarios, and no metaphysical or spiritual interpretations. I read this while in Rhode Island with a wicked stomach flu and this kept me completely entertained while spending the night on the bathroom floor. Well done.
September 22, 2019
This book isn't for everybody. It has all the elements of an R rated movie (or more restricted): language, violence, nudity and sex. But if you want to know how rock stars live and how to get your wife back after she has been kidnapped, then this might be the book for you. It takes place in Thailand, which is exotic enough for average Americans, but there is a whole other world if you're rich and have certain appetites. Most people won't ever do many of the things depicted in this book (including nonstop beer drinking, one of the milder activities), but this will give them a peek into a different universe.
October 14, 2023
4.0. Thailand is on the bucket list now!
July 20, 2008
This book was so funny it made me laugh out loud many times! It is a great, light beach read.[return][return]It is the story of a rock star (who is recovering from a sex addiction) on vacation in Thailand with his former super-model wife (who is recovering from drug addiction). When his wife is kidnapped, he receives no help from the US government and is told that if he pays the ransom, he will go to jail (Good old Patriot Act). I did not gain any moral from the story, it is just a raunchy laugh out loud book that I highly recommend!
November 9, 2009
I'm not quite sure how I feel about this one yet. After reading so many romance novels, this was certainly a breath of fresh air. Turk Henry is a semi-retired bassist for a heavy metal rock band. Sheila is his super-model wife. When she gets kidnapped in Phuket, Thailand everything just sort of goes to Hell. It's an entertaining book to be sure, but very different.
September 4, 2011
Wasn't sure I was going to love this one, especially because a burned-out rocker with a beer gut and his unhappy marriage wasn't quite my thing. As usual, though, Mark Haskell Smith managed to hook and reel me in with his crisp, intelligent writing and, at times, bat-shit crazy character predicaments. An engaging read.
March 16, 2008
blech
October 9, 2011
Every aged rocker should read Salty. Very funny. Movie-esque: vivid visuals, scene driven, great dialogue. Mark Haskell Smith is hilarious.
May 28, 2023
This sounded like a humorous caper novel and I have enjoyed some similar fare over the years. It ended up being decidedly so-so for me.
At the end, I am left with characters who, with very few exceptions, have very nearly no socially redeeming features. There are very few characters in this that are actually likable at all. You go large parts of the way thinking, "Do I really care what happens to ANY of these people?"
It also brings to mind an expression that my wife has often said when describing a book. "Too many words." There is much in here that could have (and probably SHOULD have) been left out. It would have been leaner and meaner.
The language is indeed "salty." Many of the characters do not behave in plausible or reasonable ways. Yes, it COULD be that they are all just debauched people living as such people do. But it would have been nice to see right and good win out in the end. Instead, it was a case of wishing I could have had the time back to read something else. If the moral of the story (if there even IS one) is that "nobody gets what they deserve," then I guess that makes sense. But it does not really make for a pleasurable read.
At the end, I am left with characters who, with very few exceptions, have very nearly no socially redeeming features. There are very few characters in this that are actually likable at all. You go large parts of the way thinking, "Do I really care what happens to ANY of these people?"
It also brings to mind an expression that my wife has often said when describing a book. "Too many words." There is much in here that could have (and probably SHOULD have) been left out. It would have been leaner and meaner.
The language is indeed "salty." Many of the characters do not behave in plausible or reasonable ways. Yes, it COULD be that they are all just debauched people living as such people do. But it would have been nice to see right and good win out in the end. Instead, it was a case of wishing I could have had the time back to read something else. If the moral of the story (if there even IS one) is that "nobody gets what they deserve," then I guess that makes sense. But it does not really make for a pleasurable read.
August 5, 2016
Turk Henry: The Insightful American
Mark Haskell Smith’s SALTY delivers a rollercoaster adventure of uproarious humor, exotic locales, intrigue, deceit, murder, and kinky sex. Taken in and of themselves, these tasty (dare I say, salty?) elements mixed with Smith’s elegant, clear prose, would make for a riveting, breezy read. Smith, however, further elevates the material by ensuring every detail, description, laugh, and ejaculation, in one way or another, reveals, develops, and deepens his characters.
Smith’s protagonist, Turk Henry, is an overweight, middle-aged, recently-married recovering sex addict on vacation in quite possibly the worst place on Earth for a recently-married recovering sex addict: Thailand, where everything is “Sex and Buddhism, Buddhism and sex.” Compounding matters for our well-intentioned hero is the fact that he’s the bass player for the most famous heavy metal group in the world, the recently disbanded Metal Assassin. As such, gorgeous, semi-nude women are lining up to touch, yank, stroke, be penetrated by, or at the very least have a peek at, Turk’s famed, enormous member.
Turk is not a particularly curious man. Nor is he adventurous. He knows what he likes and sees no reason to ever step outside that comfort zone. For this reason, Turk is abundantly happy to soak up rays on the beach, chugging ice-cold Thai beer, while his adventure-starved wife Sheila goes traipsing through a jungle tour on elephant back.
Of Turk’s disinclination to join the elephant tour, Smith writes, “[H]e couldn’t think of anything less appealing than straddling the massive gray hump of some monstrous beast as it lurched through the forest belching and farting like a sick Harley-Davidson." Through Turk’s aversion to discomfort, Smith reveals a character insightful enough to recognize his own limitations, and this trait is what ultimately allows Turk to grow, adapt, and survive after heeding the call to adventure—which happens in rapid succession after Sheila’s elephant tour is hijacked by a gang of kidnapping pirates.
Other characters in Salty are not so astute. There is, for example, an “Ugly American” couple from Seattle that also gets ensnared in the kidnapping. This turns decidedly tragic in a moment of dark hilarity and gruesome finality:
"There he was, the whiny cheapskate from Seattle, his head bashed in by the butt of an AK-47, his body dumped on the ground like a proverbial sack of shit. Hundreds of black flies were already swarming around the blood-splattered gash on his head, laying their eggs in his nostrils and eyelids….He’d…had the audacity to say, “Don’t you know who I am?” to the kidnappers. Totally uncool."
So shrouded in the fog of perceived American exceptionalism, the Seattle couple fails to recognize the limits of its own biology, and this character flaw proves fatal. It is a flaw shared by Turk’s primary antagonist, Ben, an arrogant, opportunistic, duplicitous Immigration and Customs Enforcement agent who “liked to sit down at his desk with a Coca-Cola, freedom fries, and a hamburger from the embassy commissary, read ‘People’ magazine, feel the A/C crankin’, and it was almost like home." The food, gossip magazine, and (most notably in this hot, humid tropical climate) A/C, are all like property to Ben, part of a God-given right that he should at all times be nourished, entertained, and comfortable.
It is precisely because Ben is selfish, entitled, and utterly incapable of introspection that, in a misguided attempt to further his career, he cites national security as the reason he won’t allow Turk to pay Sheila’s million dollar ransom, and confiscates the money; it is at this point that Ben carries out the flawed logic of entitlement to its natural conclusion, deciding to simply keep the money for himself, no matter who has to die (or who he has to kill) to make that happen. Ben, however, badly miscalculates Turk, believing if he puts enough obstacles in his way, the lazy, pampered rock star will simply give up. However, with each barricade erected in his path, Turk (often to his own surprise) proves his quality, forcing himself to step further and further from his comfort zone and into Thailand’s messy, swirling, dangerous current. And in so doing, he grows.
This growth is perhaps at its most striking when Turk’s journey leads him to the back room of a seedy Bangkok sex club, where he is tempted oh so woefully into violating his hard-fought monogamy by a pair of glorious female specimens. Instead of playing, however, Turk watches, and discovers a profound truth:
"Turk…was struck by the fact that neither woman had fake, phony, inflated, or enhanced breasts….[H]e realized that so many of the groupies he’d enjoyed over the years, those blonde bimbos with their silicone-packed jugs, buns of steel, and teased hair, were actually kind of repulsive….A symptom of the American culture’s deranged relationship to sex, to fantasy, and to desire….
"It occurred to Turk that maybe he was part of the problem. Maybe it was the fact that those Barbie doll bimbos, the Playboy bunnies with the Godzilla-sized knockers, were exactly the kind of women he was always seen cavorting with. Maybe that sent the wrong message. Maybe he, Turk Henry, was part of the sick society that perpetuated the perversion."
Travel is an opportunity to step out of one’s comfort zone, to experience the self, removed from its usual context. Turk has toured the world, but has done so traveling in private jets from one luxury hotel room to another, bedding the same type of botoxed, fake-titted groupie, and in short, doing whatever he wanted whenever he wanted. Thus, because of his rock star recognition and nine-figure net worth, Turk needs a little bit more motivation to step out his comfort zone. In SALTY he gets that opportunity, and to his credit, Turk rises to the challenge with a surprising amount of insight and courage.
Mark Haskell Smith’s SALTY delivers a rollercoaster adventure of uproarious humor, exotic locales, intrigue, deceit, murder, and kinky sex. Taken in and of themselves, these tasty (dare I say, salty?) elements mixed with Smith’s elegant, clear prose, would make for a riveting, breezy read. Smith, however, further elevates the material by ensuring every detail, description, laugh, and ejaculation, in one way or another, reveals, develops, and deepens his characters.
Smith’s protagonist, Turk Henry, is an overweight, middle-aged, recently-married recovering sex addict on vacation in quite possibly the worst place on Earth for a recently-married recovering sex addict: Thailand, where everything is “Sex and Buddhism, Buddhism and sex.” Compounding matters for our well-intentioned hero is the fact that he’s the bass player for the most famous heavy metal group in the world, the recently disbanded Metal Assassin. As such, gorgeous, semi-nude women are lining up to touch, yank, stroke, be penetrated by, or at the very least have a peek at, Turk’s famed, enormous member.
Turk is not a particularly curious man. Nor is he adventurous. He knows what he likes and sees no reason to ever step outside that comfort zone. For this reason, Turk is abundantly happy to soak up rays on the beach, chugging ice-cold Thai beer, while his adventure-starved wife Sheila goes traipsing through a jungle tour on elephant back.
Of Turk’s disinclination to join the elephant tour, Smith writes, “[H]e couldn’t think of anything less appealing than straddling the massive gray hump of some monstrous beast as it lurched through the forest belching and farting like a sick Harley-Davidson." Through Turk’s aversion to discomfort, Smith reveals a character insightful enough to recognize his own limitations, and this trait is what ultimately allows Turk to grow, adapt, and survive after heeding the call to adventure—which happens in rapid succession after Sheila’s elephant tour is hijacked by a gang of kidnapping pirates.
Other characters in Salty are not so astute. There is, for example, an “Ugly American” couple from Seattle that also gets ensnared in the kidnapping. This turns decidedly tragic in a moment of dark hilarity and gruesome finality:
"There he was, the whiny cheapskate from Seattle, his head bashed in by the butt of an AK-47, his body dumped on the ground like a proverbial sack of shit. Hundreds of black flies were already swarming around the blood-splattered gash on his head, laying their eggs in his nostrils and eyelids….He’d…had the audacity to say, “Don’t you know who I am?” to the kidnappers. Totally uncool."
So shrouded in the fog of perceived American exceptionalism, the Seattle couple fails to recognize the limits of its own biology, and this character flaw proves fatal. It is a flaw shared by Turk’s primary antagonist, Ben, an arrogant, opportunistic, duplicitous Immigration and Customs Enforcement agent who “liked to sit down at his desk with a Coca-Cola, freedom fries, and a hamburger from the embassy commissary, read ‘People’ magazine, feel the A/C crankin’, and it was almost like home." The food, gossip magazine, and (most notably in this hot, humid tropical climate) A/C, are all like property to Ben, part of a God-given right that he should at all times be nourished, entertained, and comfortable.
It is precisely because Ben is selfish, entitled, and utterly incapable of introspection that, in a misguided attempt to further his career, he cites national security as the reason he won’t allow Turk to pay Sheila’s million dollar ransom, and confiscates the money; it is at this point that Ben carries out the flawed logic of entitlement to its natural conclusion, deciding to simply keep the money for himself, no matter who has to die (or who he has to kill) to make that happen. Ben, however, badly miscalculates Turk, believing if he puts enough obstacles in his way, the lazy, pampered rock star will simply give up. However, with each barricade erected in his path, Turk (often to his own surprise) proves his quality, forcing himself to step further and further from his comfort zone and into Thailand’s messy, swirling, dangerous current. And in so doing, he grows.
This growth is perhaps at its most striking when Turk’s journey leads him to the back room of a seedy Bangkok sex club, where he is tempted oh so woefully into violating his hard-fought monogamy by a pair of glorious female specimens. Instead of playing, however, Turk watches, and discovers a profound truth:
"Turk…was struck by the fact that neither woman had fake, phony, inflated, or enhanced breasts….[H]e realized that so many of the groupies he’d enjoyed over the years, those blonde bimbos with their silicone-packed jugs, buns of steel, and teased hair, were actually kind of repulsive….A symptom of the American culture’s deranged relationship to sex, to fantasy, and to desire….
"It occurred to Turk that maybe he was part of the problem. Maybe it was the fact that those Barbie doll bimbos, the Playboy bunnies with the Godzilla-sized knockers, were exactly the kind of women he was always seen cavorting with. Maybe that sent the wrong message. Maybe he, Turk Henry, was part of the sick society that perpetuated the perversion."
Travel is an opportunity to step out of one’s comfort zone, to experience the self, removed from its usual context. Turk has toured the world, but has done so traveling in private jets from one luxury hotel room to another, bedding the same type of botoxed, fake-titted groupie, and in short, doing whatever he wanted whenever he wanted. Thus, because of his rock star recognition and nine-figure net worth, Turk needs a little bit more motivation to step out his comfort zone. In SALTY he gets that opportunity, and to his credit, Turk rises to the challenge with a surprising amount of insight and courage.
November 28, 2020
I picked up this book solely because of its setting. The story is set in Thailand and I do think the author did a nice job describing the country and what life is like there. He mentions in his acknowledgments that he has actually visited Thailand so I trust him with his descriptions. However, other than the creation of the setting, I did not have much interest in this one. As a reader, I lacked a connection to the characters and didn't really care what happened to them in the story. It was an entertaining plot (hence why I gave this three stars instead of two), but please note that there are some very sexually graphic scenes. The Thai sex work industry plays a prominent role in this story and there are some parts that seemed to be more explicit than needed. Overall, Salty was just an okay read and I probably won't go out of my way to recommend this one to others.
December 31, 2022
A good. light read, perfect for after Christmas. Reminds me a bit of Carl Hiaasen, but set in Thailand and with more easygoing characters. Over-the-hill rock star rescues kidnapped over-the-hill supermodel wife, the bad guys get their just desserts, and the not-so-bad-after-all guys end up happy. Fun.
July 21, 2018
Fun.
This is quite the enjoyable tropical romp, with a booze soaked, recovering sex addict as the good guy; interesting supporting characters; suitably dastardly fellows as the bad guys, sort of; and a truly dreadful creature as the bad guy, for real. Happy endings all around!
This is quite the enjoyable tropical romp, with a booze soaked, recovering sex addict as the good guy; interesting supporting characters; suitably dastardly fellows as the bad guys, sort of; and a truly dreadful creature as the bad guy, for real. Happy endings all around!
April 9, 2019
Very funny entertaining ironic novel of current day kidnapping, pirates, rock stars, models, prostitutes, drugs, sun, heat, corruption, ransom and bugs. But in the end this is a novel of self discovery for those whose lives are controlled by and managed by others.
March 31, 2022
This was simply a fun and entertaining read in the humorous lineage of Carl Hiaasen, Dave Barry and Ben Rehder with a bit of a sexier bent. I gave it 4 stars based on the fun side and find the writing to be more of a 3 star quality. Highly recommended beach reading or just when you need to smile.
October 1, 2022
Absolutely entertaining. Fun at so many levels with a story so fascinating one doesn't want it to end.
Satire, irony and serendipity as events change the lives characters in surprising ways.
Read seven years ago, forgotten, and found as good or better than the first time.
Satire, irony and serendipity as events change the lives characters in surprising ways.
Read seven years ago, forgotten, and found as good or better than the first time.
June 13, 2017
Decent story with some raunchy elements. An unusual ending for some of the characters including falling in love with a romantic murderer. Interesting but superficial take on thai culture.
August 21, 2017
Fun easy read. Enjoy all of his books so far! Trying another soon
September 20, 2019
contrived but funny....liked the resolution for everyone
October 9, 2019
That was fun! I LOL'd several times!
August 16, 2020
A funny book that mad me laugh a lot.
August 9, 2021
Not as advertised
Not as funny as expected, but good characters carry an amusing,if implausible story. Might give the author another try.
,
Not as funny as expected, but good characters carry an amusing,if implausible story. Might give the author another try.
,
August 23, 2023
Great fun! NPR described "Salty" as one of the 100 best beach reads. I agree, the novel is a perfect beach read.
July 6, 2025
3 1/2 stars. Funny in parts and full of unexpected turns.
November 17, 2021
Not my favorite of his. The characters and their development held my interest. But the book didn't quite end so much as slam to a halt.
March 9, 2017
4.0/10 I keep coming across these types of books by current authors. Once again we have a "reformed sex addict" who drunkenly staggers from point to point, popping or sniffing, until we have a denouement (of a sort) with him emerging triumphant. And once again it's money here, money there, supermodels here, supermodels there, and name it for sexual preference. All this is OK, but somehow I can't relate to big money, big sex, big booze, big drugs, and frankly I don't think most of us can. I just don't run around at that level. I'm not saying he's not a sympathetic character, but satirical or not, I just can't relate. Let those who like to turn on constantly one way or another enjoy it. I didn't particularly.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 51 reviews