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The Blink of an Eye: How I Died and Started Living
'The most spellbinding and harrowing story I believe I have ever heard. It is the story you are about to read.' BILL BRYSON
The powerful and moving memoir by a scientist and mother of three of how she learned to live again, after a sudden severe infection caused her to die and then revive, but locked in - completely paralysed, and only able to blink an eye. Foreword by Bill Bryson.
At the age of 38, Rikke Schmidt Kjærgaard, a Danish scientist, wife and mother of three, is struck down by an acute bout of bacterial meningitis. She awakes from a coma in intensive care to find herself locked in, unable to show she is conscious except by blinking her eye. It becomes her only form of communication as in the months that follow, Kjærgaard's husband Peter sits beside her helping to interpret every eye movement. She struggles with every basic of life - painfully learning how to breathe, move, eat and speak again. Despite being given a five per cent chance of survival, she works intensively to recover and to achieve every small breakthrough.
The Blink of an Eye is a celebration of love and family and every little thing that matters when life is in the balance - written by a scientist uniquely able to describe her physical and mental journey to recovery.
224 pages, Paperback
First published May 31, 2018
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2098 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 71 reviews
July 30, 2019
On New Year’s Day, 2013, Rikke Schmidt Kjaergaard went for a walk with her family along the river in their large Danish town. She lagged behind her husband, his friend, and the Kjaergaard children (aged 18, 14, and 8). Her legs were leaden, and she was unusually cold. Back at home, even a hot bath couldn’t warm her. Within a few hours she was feverish, vomiting, and had lost control of her bowels. A night-duty GP came to the house, diagnosed flu, and prescribed an antiviral medication. Even if Rikke did have a virus (it turned out she did not), how was a pill she couldn’t keep down supposed to help? The following morning, the family’s regular GP was called to the house, and then an ambulance. At this point, she suffered cardiac arrest. The hardworking paramedics were able to restart her heart and get her to the hospital where defibrillation restored a normal rhythm. Doctors immediately placed her on a respirator and connected her to a dialysis machine. Soon she would be transferred to a university hospital/research facility 30 miles away. This was only the beginning . . .
How to explain it? A fit, apparently healthy 38-year-old woman entertained holiday guests one day; two days later, that same woman was in a coma. There were multiple micro blood clots throughout her body and an expanding hematoma (swelling of blood) in the right side of her brain. Her kidneys had failed, and she was retaining huge amounts of fluid—40 pounds of it, in fact. Her hands, feet, and nose had blackened due to inadequate blood supply, and the rest of her body was alarmingly discoloured.
Kjaergaard’s doctors determined which pathogen was responsible for their patient’s condition and the reason why it had taken over. At the age of 20, Rikke had been diagnosed with Lupus, an autoimmune disease. She had been hospitalized for three months then, but with attentive self-care, she’d been able to live a fairly normal life. However, over the years, Lupus had been taking a secret toll. Kjaergaard’s immune system was compromised, and her spleen, which ought to have defended her against Streptococcus pneumoniae, the bacteria that ravaged her body, was calcified and nonfunctional. Now suffering from pneumococcal meningitis, septic shock, and multiple organ failure, she was not expected to survive.
Her book, of course, shows that she did. However, she tells us that setting down her story was, at times, “like writing a biography of another person.” Significant parts of her account are based on the meticulous notes and photographic records that her husband, Peter, kept about her and her family’s ordeal. At first this documentation was Peter’s way of holding on to his comatose wife, but it would turn into something else: a record of her progress. When it seemed as though Rikke might survive after all, doctors warned Peter that she would be a changed person. The parts of the brain involved in personality were badly damaged. Rikke might shout or cry for no apparent reason. She might not know her loved ones at all and be completely dependent on others.
Kjaergaard’s account of her slow recovery from a life-threatening bacterial assault on her body and a seemingly unending sequence of complications is simply and accessibly written. There is a pared-down feel to it, and it’s mostly free of medical jargon. (The terms that are used are well explained.) Emerging from a two-week coma is not like a Hollywood movie, Rikke writes. It is gradual, protracted, arduous, and exhausting. A couple of minutes of consciousness, requiring so much energy and effort, are followed by long hours of darkness. Waking up also means experiencing pain and aggravating itchiness, without being able to do anything about either. For some weeks, Rikke was “locked in”, aware of others, able to understand them to some extent, but completely paralyzed and unable to communicate. To others she appeared to be in a vegetative state. From the inside, the condition was “like the most horrifying claustrophobic nightmare.” Eventually, a simple system of communication—one blink for “no”; two for “yes”- was established. A spelling board was used. Others would slowly point to the letters of the alphabet arranged in rows on the board, waiting and watching for Rikke’s blink-of-the-eye acknowledgement when the right letter was reached. This was a challenging and intensely frustrating system at best, especially for someone with an impaired short-term memory.
Rikke’s experience required her to relearn all the most basic bodily functions, including breathing, holding her head up, swallowing, sitting, walking, peeing and so on. Her book is an account of a struggle against formidable odds as well as an affecting story of love—marital and familial. It is never saccharine or sentimental. “Feeling loved,” Rikke writes, “is the most potent healing power.” Encouraged by hospital staff and some scientific studies, the family made a point of regularly speaking and reading to Rikke, believing that their voices might give her reason to return, and providing them with a therapeutic benefit in the process. 14-year-old Victoria placed a photograph of her mum on the bedside table of the hospital room to show medical personnel the real, vibrant woman they were working to save. It made a difference. Both doctors and nurses became more interested in their accomplished patient; she was now more than a medical problem.
In documenting Rikke’s experience, her husband was attuned to the most subtle changes in her condition: “he saw what no one else could see: a tiny light in the dull darkness of my downward gaze.”(In fact, scientific studies show that it is usually family members, not medical professionals, who are the first to know their loved one is still there—locked in.) Peter read the scientific literature, was in constant communication with her medical team, and lived at the hospital for the first weeks of his wife’s care. At one point, he requested her physicians’ permission to bring a close friend of Rikke’s to the hospital (at a time when only immediate family were allowed to visit). It was an experiment that yielded results. The friend’s visit elicited Rikke’s first direct gaze, a critical step back into life.
This is a difficult story to read, of course, but an important and worthwhile one. I learned a lot and was very moved. At the end of the book, Rikke provides a checklist for caregivers, which is well worth reading.
She concludes by saying that the book “was written to give a voice to those who have none and for anyone whose life has changed out of all recognition from one moment to the next. I am trying to see my unexpected survival and recovery as a gift that can help others, too.” It is.
How to explain it? A fit, apparently healthy 38-year-old woman entertained holiday guests one day; two days later, that same woman was in a coma. There were multiple micro blood clots throughout her body and an expanding hematoma (swelling of blood) in the right side of her brain. Her kidneys had failed, and she was retaining huge amounts of fluid—40 pounds of it, in fact. Her hands, feet, and nose had blackened due to inadequate blood supply, and the rest of her body was alarmingly discoloured.
Kjaergaard’s doctors determined which pathogen was responsible for their patient’s condition and the reason why it had taken over. At the age of 20, Rikke had been diagnosed with Lupus, an autoimmune disease. She had been hospitalized for three months then, but with attentive self-care, she’d been able to live a fairly normal life. However, over the years, Lupus had been taking a secret toll. Kjaergaard’s immune system was compromised, and her spleen, which ought to have defended her against Streptococcus pneumoniae, the bacteria that ravaged her body, was calcified and nonfunctional. Now suffering from pneumococcal meningitis, septic shock, and multiple organ failure, she was not expected to survive.
Her book, of course, shows that she did. However, she tells us that setting down her story was, at times, “like writing a biography of another person.” Significant parts of her account are based on the meticulous notes and photographic records that her husband, Peter, kept about her and her family’s ordeal. At first this documentation was Peter’s way of holding on to his comatose wife, but it would turn into something else: a record of her progress. When it seemed as though Rikke might survive after all, doctors warned Peter that she would be a changed person. The parts of the brain involved in personality were badly damaged. Rikke might shout or cry for no apparent reason. She might not know her loved ones at all and be completely dependent on others.
Kjaergaard’s account of her slow recovery from a life-threatening bacterial assault on her body and a seemingly unending sequence of complications is simply and accessibly written. There is a pared-down feel to it, and it’s mostly free of medical jargon. (The terms that are used are well explained.) Emerging from a two-week coma is not like a Hollywood movie, Rikke writes. It is gradual, protracted, arduous, and exhausting. A couple of minutes of consciousness, requiring so much energy and effort, are followed by long hours of darkness. Waking up also means experiencing pain and aggravating itchiness, without being able to do anything about either. For some weeks, Rikke was “locked in”, aware of others, able to understand them to some extent, but completely paralyzed and unable to communicate. To others she appeared to be in a vegetative state. From the inside, the condition was “like the most horrifying claustrophobic nightmare.” Eventually, a simple system of communication—one blink for “no”; two for “yes”- was established. A spelling board was used. Others would slowly point to the letters of the alphabet arranged in rows on the board, waiting and watching for Rikke’s blink-of-the-eye acknowledgement when the right letter was reached. This was a challenging and intensely frustrating system at best, especially for someone with an impaired short-term memory.
Rikke’s experience required her to relearn all the most basic bodily functions, including breathing, holding her head up, swallowing, sitting, walking, peeing and so on. Her book is an account of a struggle against formidable odds as well as an affecting story of love—marital and familial. It is never saccharine or sentimental. “Feeling loved,” Rikke writes, “is the most potent healing power.” Encouraged by hospital staff and some scientific studies, the family made a point of regularly speaking and reading to Rikke, believing that their voices might give her reason to return, and providing them with a therapeutic benefit in the process. 14-year-old Victoria placed a photograph of her mum on the bedside table of the hospital room to show medical personnel the real, vibrant woman they were working to save. It made a difference. Both doctors and nurses became more interested in their accomplished patient; she was now more than a medical problem.
In documenting Rikke’s experience, her husband was attuned to the most subtle changes in her condition: “he saw what no one else could see: a tiny light in the dull darkness of my downward gaze.”(In fact, scientific studies show that it is usually family members, not medical professionals, who are the first to know their loved one is still there—locked in.) Peter read the scientific literature, was in constant communication with her medical team, and lived at the hospital for the first weeks of his wife’s care. At one point, he requested her physicians’ permission to bring a close friend of Rikke’s to the hospital (at a time when only immediate family were allowed to visit). It was an experiment that yielded results. The friend’s visit elicited Rikke’s first direct gaze, a critical step back into life.
This is a difficult story to read, of course, but an important and worthwhile one. I learned a lot and was very moved. At the end of the book, Rikke provides a checklist for caregivers, which is well worth reading.
She concludes by saying that the book “was written to give a voice to those who have none and for anyone whose life has changed out of all recognition from one moment to the next. I am trying to see my unexpected survival and recovery as a gift that can help others, too.” It is.
June 24, 2018
A moving true story of a Danish woman who came near to death with bacterial meningitis and was 'locked in' for a while, only able to communicate by blinking one eye. Incredibly she survived and has made a good recovery, although she has lost most of her fingers and her sight in one eye. I saw Rikke speak at the Hay Festival, and was struck by her calm demeanour and smiley face. She and her book really are an inspiration. A recommended read.
December 8, 2018
An excellent view into what it's like to almost die and then slowly feel your way back into living, albeit a different kind of life--harder but richer. Rikke skips nothing. Almost in a day-by-day account, she talks about what it's like to be in pain, to be treated like a thing by medical professionals vs. being treated as a person with emotions and comfort, and the struggle to try to find the way forward and persevere.
As a former nurse, a lot of her accounts felt familiar, but it certainly made me more aware of the finer details of being confined in a bed; unable to move, talk, or even breath without assistance. And yet she made it through and to this day is fighting back by empowering others and making lives better.
This book is gutsy and authentic. Give a copy to anyone struggling to find hope while watching a loved one in medical turmoil, but also recommend it to any health professional you know.
As a former nurse, a lot of her accounts felt familiar, but it certainly made me more aware of the finer details of being confined in a bed; unable to move, talk, or even breath without assistance. And yet she made it through and to this day is fighting back by empowering others and making lives better.
This book is gutsy and authentic. Give a copy to anyone struggling to find hope while watching a loved one in medical turmoil, but also recommend it to any health professional you know.
January 22, 2020
This book makes one realize how vulnerable we are and how we can quickly change from being in good health to having a devastating illness. However, found this book a tedious read....like listening to someone talk in painstaking detail about their illness and medical procedures. That could have been summarized in a chapter and the focus could have been more on how to appreciate our good fortune for good health and surviving a serious illness. I lost interest after about 50 pages.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
June 15, 2019
Interesting, but the writing was so clipped.
September 28, 2019
This book will likely make it into my book club rotation. I found it fascinating and hope others do too. Kjaergaard writes a memoir about how she suddenly contracted a bacterial meningitis, went into a coma, was locked inside her body unable to move, or even react after she woke up, the gradual ability to blink coming to her. She details her stay in the ICU, then her subsequent moves to other facilities and I found the science behind it, her details of her illness and recovery to be fascinating. Luckily, her husband is a scientist and kept meticulous notes. She is not a writer and that is obvious when reading, but it is an easy and quick read, and I really felt like I learned a lot.
May 19, 2019
A return-from-the-dead...
This is the memoir of Danish scientist Rikke Kjaergaard who in 2013 suddenly became ill. Rikke was recklessly diagnosed with the flu. It was way more serious than flu. She was sent home to recuperate, but the next morning it was apparent that something more serious was happening in her body. After being rushed to the hospital, she was diagnosed with bacterial meningitis and declared “clinically dead.”
As you read, you will experience great empathy for her husband and children, also suffering through this long ordeal. Her family earned sainthood in my eyes. As the author recounts the months she spent in various stages of hospital recovery, Rikke states “all parts of my body were fighting each other. It was a battle of multiple foes and no allies.”
But Rikke is a “fighter” and she drew on all her resources and resolve to regain a semblance of a normal life.
To share this chilling event, she relied on the notes and documentation her loving husband provided to help reconstruct the period when she was in a coma. She describes the blur of awakening, trying to communicate with blinks, and relearning just about everything: how to breathe, how to swallow, and even who she was. It took months before she could take her first step or eat on her own. She survived the ordeal with only one digit, her thumb. The others lost circulation and were removed. This is a story in itself as she describes the horror she endured watching her fingers die and pretty much drop off leaving her with only one unimpaired digit.”
Yes at the end Rikke says, “I knew my life had changed for the better.”
This is the memoir of Danish scientist Rikke Kjaergaard who in 2013 suddenly became ill. Rikke was recklessly diagnosed with the flu. It was way more serious than flu. She was sent home to recuperate, but the next morning it was apparent that something more serious was happening in her body. After being rushed to the hospital, she was diagnosed with bacterial meningitis and declared “clinically dead.”
As you read, you will experience great empathy for her husband and children, also suffering through this long ordeal. Her family earned sainthood in my eyes. As the author recounts the months she spent in various stages of hospital recovery, Rikke states “all parts of my body were fighting each other. It was a battle of multiple foes and no allies.”
But Rikke is a “fighter” and she drew on all her resources and resolve to regain a semblance of a normal life.
To share this chilling event, she relied on the notes and documentation her loving husband provided to help reconstruct the period when she was in a coma. She describes the blur of awakening, trying to communicate with blinks, and relearning just about everything: how to breathe, how to swallow, and even who she was. It took months before she could take her first step or eat on her own. She survived the ordeal with only one digit, her thumb. The others lost circulation and were removed. This is a story in itself as she describes the horror she endured watching her fingers die and pretty much drop off leaving her with only one unimpaired digit.”
Yes at the end Rikke says, “I knew my life had changed for the better.”
February 4, 2019
The moving story of how the author fought her way back from a life threatening bacterial infection. She brought herself back from the brink and used her experience as a means to help others. It's important for there to be more awareness of the dangers of streptococcus pneumonia infection as well as well as a more complete understanding of what it means to experience locked-in syndrome.
October 15, 2019
Hvordan finder man sit liv igen, når man har mistede næsten alt ?
En fortælling om at kæmpe for livet og ikke give op , om at prøve igen og igen . At finde sig selv igen, måske ikke præcis den samme som før , men en ny version der helt sikkert er stærkere og ved mere.
Det er også en fortælling om familiesammenhold. Om at være der for dine nære. Om at holde om dem. Og om din egen svaghed og hvordan du overviner den for at støtte den person der ligger syg i sengen.
Historien er meget rørende . Du kommer til at græde, du kommer til at grine.
En fortælling om at kæmpe for livet og ikke give op , om at prøve igen og igen . At finde sig selv igen, måske ikke præcis den samme som før , men en ny version der helt sikkert er stærkere og ved mere.
Det er også en fortælling om familiesammenhold. Om at være der for dine nære. Om at holde om dem. Og om din egen svaghed og hvordan du overviner den for at støtte den person der ligger syg i sengen.
Historien er meget rørende . Du kommer til at græde, du kommer til at grine.
October 20, 2023
Death is not the worst thing that can happen. Instead, I imagine it would be being trapped in a body that no longer works, relying on machines to stay alive, and no one knows that you are in-fact a functioning human mentally trapped inside.
I can’t even begin to imagine the trauma Rikke has lived through and come out the other side as an inspirational woman.
The book gives us a glimpse of what she went through and how she fought her way out. Thank you for sharing your journey
I can’t even begin to imagine the trauma Rikke has lived through and come out the other side as an inspirational woman.
The book gives us a glimpse of what she went through and how she fought her way out. Thank you for sharing your journey
March 22, 2023
An intense account of a life changing illness and the recovery process. Life can fundamentally change in a second, and this book is an excellent account of how that happened to the author. Terrifying at first, it inspires and emboldens by the end. I highly recommend this read in order to have a better understanding of those who are having a severe medical crisis, and how to handle it when it affects you in your personal life. A great read!
June 11, 2019
I was riveted!! This book leaves you breathless and so inspired.
October 26, 2023
AR 3.5
We jumped into things so quickly, I struggled to keep up at first. Overall, an empowering story.
We jumped into things so quickly, I struggled to keep up at first. Overall, an empowering story.
February 11, 2019
Received a digital ARC of this book via NetGalley.
A touching memoir of a brilliant woman who was affected by a vicious bacterial infection. With the love and support of her family, she learned to appreciate life again. It takes true emotional and mental strength to relearn everything and grow from the experience.
A touching memoir of a brilliant woman who was affected by a vicious bacterial infection. With the love and support of her family, she learned to appreciate life again. It takes true emotional and mental strength to relearn everything and grow from the experience.
September 23, 2021
A thoughtful, account of a devastating illness. The author writes in a very lively prose style which made the book easy and enjoyable to read, considering the grim topic. 3+ stars.
May 28, 2019
i win this book. wow , a view from inside a person in a coma and the detail of the struggle to get better . a courageous journey .
March 17, 2019
In the blink of an eye everything can change. One moment your life is moving along, going through your normal routine, living your life. Then you blink. What once was is gone and you are plunged into an unimaginable nightmare that you can't wake up from, quickly becoming trapped inside your own body, the only movement that you can control is a blink. It sounds like a scene from a psychological thriller but this was realty for scientist Rikke Schmidt Kjaergaard on New Years day in 2013.
The whole day Rikke had been feeling off but she chalked it up to the New Years Eve festivities from the night before but as the day wore on Rikke got worse and worse. Her doctor was called to the house later that evening and she was diagnosed with the flu but her symptoms went from bad to worse at an incredibly rapid rate.
She couldn't get warm no matter how many blankets were piled on her, every bit of light pierced her eyes like needles, and her fever was increasing and then dropping at rapid rates. Rikke couldn't hold anything down and couldn't control anything coming out of her body. By morning, everything that was coming out of her body was thick and black. When she started to become paralyzed her husband and doctor knew this was a serious situation and she was rushed to the emergency room. If they would've waited any longer Rikke would not have survived.
The Blink of an Eye is Rikke's point of view during the entire horrific ordeal that completely changed her life. When Rikke was 20 she was diagnosed with systemic lupus erythematosus or SLE. She believed she had her disorder under control but all it took was one attack of bacterial meningitis to almost kill her.
You can feel Rikke's scientific background come through the pages, as well as the anguish and heartbreak that she felt. There are parts that were hard for me to read and brought tears to my eyes. I cannot even begin to imagine what Rikke and her family had to endure.
Though Rikke has a lot of battle scars, she lived to tell the tale which is a miracle in and of itself. I closed the book thankful for my life and felt empowered to face the medical issues I am currently facing. If Rikke can fight so can I! Painful, yet so powerful - The Blink of an Eye is a must read!
*I received a complimentary copy of this book from The Experiment through NetGalley in exchange for an honest, unbiased review. All opinions are my own.
The whole day Rikke had been feeling off but she chalked it up to the New Years Eve festivities from the night before but as the day wore on Rikke got worse and worse. Her doctor was called to the house later that evening and she was diagnosed with the flu but her symptoms went from bad to worse at an incredibly rapid rate.
She couldn't get warm no matter how many blankets were piled on her, every bit of light pierced her eyes like needles, and her fever was increasing and then dropping at rapid rates. Rikke couldn't hold anything down and couldn't control anything coming out of her body. By morning, everything that was coming out of her body was thick and black. When she started to become paralyzed her husband and doctor knew this was a serious situation and she was rushed to the emergency room. If they would've waited any longer Rikke would not have survived.
The Blink of an Eye is Rikke's point of view during the entire horrific ordeal that completely changed her life. When Rikke was 20 she was diagnosed with systemic lupus erythematosus or SLE. She believed she had her disorder under control but all it took was one attack of bacterial meningitis to almost kill her.
You can feel Rikke's scientific background come through the pages, as well as the anguish and heartbreak that she felt. There are parts that were hard for me to read and brought tears to my eyes. I cannot even begin to imagine what Rikke and her family had to endure.
Though Rikke has a lot of battle scars, she lived to tell the tale which is a miracle in and of itself. I closed the book thankful for my life and felt empowered to face the medical issues I am currently facing. If Rikke can fight so can I! Painful, yet so powerful - The Blink of an Eye is a must read!
*I received a complimentary copy of this book from The Experiment through NetGalley in exchange for an honest, unbiased review. All opinions are my own.
February 7, 2020
This is such a fascinating account of what someone actually experiences when faced with a near-death or even, life-threatening medical issue. I am on the medical side of this, having treated people and dealt with families on the receiving end of potentially devastating news. There is not a good way for the medical community to train for this aspect of medical care, each situation is different and the person we care for is loved by someone. To read through someone's experience as essentially given up for dead and then in a locked-in state is interesting. I have treated people with this and other similar conditions, but to hear firsthand, after leaving acute care, what that looks like from their perspective is truly a gift.
And the most glorious thing of all is, after the horror of the acute illness subsided, the insight that allowed her to feel that her life was enriched by this experience is just breath-taking. It feels like human nature would be to question, "Why me?" and sink into despair and yet for her it was a gift that allowed the focus of her consciousness to be on what matters. That is saintly. Beautiful.
Thank you for this ARC. It is wonderful and insightful.
#TheBlinkofanEye #Netgalley #TheExperiment
And the most glorious thing of all is, after the horror of the acute illness subsided, the insight that allowed her to feel that her life was enriched by this experience is just breath-taking. It feels like human nature would be to question, "Why me?" and sink into despair and yet for her it was a gift that allowed the focus of her consciousness to be on what matters. That is saintly. Beautiful.
Thank you for this ARC. It is wonderful and insightful.
#TheBlinkofanEye #Netgalley #TheExperiment
July 5, 2019
Imagine a hellish infection coming out of nowhere and knocking you off your feet, almost killing you.
Then imagine being trapped inside your own body, unable to move, to speak, or even breathe on your own.
This memoir is frustrating, terrifying, illuminating and ultimately inspiring.
Would we all have the same strength?
Then imagine being trapped inside your own body, unable to move, to speak, or even breathe on your own.
This memoir is frustrating, terrifying, illuminating and ultimately inspiring.
Would we all have the same strength?
December 13, 2019
This is my first journey into medical non-fiction. In this book, Rikke recounts her horrific experience of going from perfectly healthy to dying (for a few minutes) in less than 24 hours, and then what it was like to be trapped in her own body for weeks.
Clearly I am still used to reading fiction, because initially I found myself disappointed. "What? Was that it?" But then, this wasn't a book version of House MD. It was the real thing, and once I had wrapped my head around that, I could definitely appreciate what not only Rikke, but her husband and children, had to go through.
Definitely a book that covers the strength of the human spirit. If medical conditions are something that interest you, this might be for you.
Clearly I am still used to reading fiction, because initially I found myself disappointed. "What? Was that it?" But then, this wasn't a book version of House MD. It was the real thing, and once I had wrapped my head around that, I could definitely appreciate what not only Rikke, but her husband and children, had to go through.
Definitely a book that covers the strength of the human spirit. If medical conditions are something that interest you, this might be for you.
August 3, 2019
A quick read, but engaging and thought-provoking. As an ICU nurse, I appreciated the empathetic perspective of what the patients are experiencing when they are intubated, sedated, or suffering from neurological damage and cannot necessarily communicate.
June 27, 2018
Absolutely amazing. Very powerful stuff.
March 26, 2024
Such a good book. I read it in two sittings.
January 9, 2022
The book “was written to give a voice to those who have none and for anyone whose life has changed out of all recognition from one moment to the next. I am trying to see my unexpected survival and recovery as a gift that can help others, too.”
This book was written in the most honest and most revealing words, Rikke has really given voice to those who had none, the book is truly genuine and is warmingly honest. Her heartily feelings would just penetrate their way directly to the reader's heart.
She describes her horrifying experience with coma and being in vegetative state, how she suffered, how she felt and how she managed to recover, although partially.
One of the best and most honest books I have read in my life.
“Lying awake, listening to the nocturnal sounds of machines and murmurings, I composed my list of physical desires: to feel the ground under my feet, to have the muscles in my legs flex, to feel the weight of the rest of my body, to put one foot in front of the other. I tried to block out the fact that I still couldn’t even place my feet on the floor, that they would not do the things I wanted them to. They just fell down, like two tiny sandbags tumbling out of a wheelbarrow. It was as if they had lost all connection to me.”
“To that end, a tiny camera was inserted through my mouth into my throat, and a blue staining liquid was then poured in. I hated it. The nurses could see my distress and they tried to reassure me. “It’s nothing to fear,” said one. “I’ve tried it.” But what did she know? She was healthy. She had control of her bodily functions. She could pretend to try. But she was in no danger of choking. When the liquid hit my throat, I felt as though I was drowning.”
“I was going home more frequently and each time was a small victory. But there is something inherently wrong about visiting your own home. You should never have to do that: You should simply go home. And I had been away for so long that even as I went back more often, I couldn’t help feeling removed from things.”
“I came to see that survival here was all about hope, the most important fuel to our brain-damaged engines. Without it, getting—or being taken—out of bed for another identical day of confusion and failure might have been futile, for both the patients and their relatives. If you woke up with the hope that today was the day you were going to pour yourself a cup of tea, or make a conscious decision to get to the breakfast room and eat cereal with your new friends, then you were on the road to some form of recovery, even if you were never going to be able to make yourself tea again or get yourself down to breakfast. But hope was also the heaviest burden and one that many patients couldn’t carry for themselves. My doctor told me that she often made a contract with her patients to carry it for them, to keep it alive.”
This book was written in the most honest and most revealing words, Rikke has really given voice to those who had none, the book is truly genuine and is warmingly honest. Her heartily feelings would just penetrate their way directly to the reader's heart.
She describes her horrifying experience with coma and being in vegetative state, how she suffered, how she felt and how she managed to recover, although partially.
One of the best and most honest books I have read in my life.
“Lying awake, listening to the nocturnal sounds of machines and murmurings, I composed my list of physical desires: to feel the ground under my feet, to have the muscles in my legs flex, to feel the weight of the rest of my body, to put one foot in front of the other. I tried to block out the fact that I still couldn’t even place my feet on the floor, that they would not do the things I wanted them to. They just fell down, like two tiny sandbags tumbling out of a wheelbarrow. It was as if they had lost all connection to me.”
“To that end, a tiny camera was inserted through my mouth into my throat, and a blue staining liquid was then poured in. I hated it. The nurses could see my distress and they tried to reassure me. “It’s nothing to fear,” said one. “I’ve tried it.” But what did she know? She was healthy. She had control of her bodily functions. She could pretend to try. But she was in no danger of choking. When the liquid hit my throat, I felt as though I was drowning.”
“I was going home more frequently and each time was a small victory. But there is something inherently wrong about visiting your own home. You should never have to do that: You should simply go home. And I had been away for so long that even as I went back more often, I couldn’t help feeling removed from things.”
“I came to see that survival here was all about hope, the most important fuel to our brain-damaged engines. Without it, getting—or being taken—out of bed for another identical day of confusion and failure might have been futile, for both the patients and their relatives. If you woke up with the hope that today was the day you were going to pour yourself a cup of tea, or make a conscious decision to get to the breakfast room and eat cereal with your new friends, then you were on the road to some form of recovery, even if you were never going to be able to make yourself tea again or get yourself down to breakfast. But hope was also the heaviest burden and one that many patients couldn’t carry for themselves. My doctor told me that she often made a contract with her patients to carry it for them, to keep it alive.”
December 8, 2019
The book’s content could have been a horror movie, but it was a memoir of Rikke’s experience with death and recovery. Locked inside her body and unable to communicate desperately trying to tell her husband and care givers she was still here.
Peter, her husband, would be the person I’d want to advocate for me if I was ever in this position. Knowing his wife so well, the minute nuances of her head and eyes triggered his reaction to the hospital staff which gave him hope and the will to encourage his wife to keep up the fight.
The sentence from the epilogue on page 210 resonated with me: “We take for granted who we are, but without memories we fade and if we lose control of the memories we have, we lose all sense of who we are.”
Many times, Peter had to retell her what happened and why she was in hospital. Like the movie Groundhog Day, she had to relive the pain and unknown repeatedly until her brain recovered.
I would have to agree without our memories who are we. But then again, I must hope as humans we are resilient and have the ability to reinvent ourselves. The downside of reinvention is we leave behind the people who knew us before.
Peter, her husband, would be the person I’d want to advocate for me if I was ever in this position. Knowing his wife so well, the minute nuances of her head and eyes triggered his reaction to the hospital staff which gave him hope and the will to encourage his wife to keep up the fight.
The sentence from the epilogue on page 210 resonated with me: “We take for granted who we are, but without memories we fade and if we lose control of the memories we have, we lose all sense of who we are.”
Many times, Peter had to retell her what happened and why she was in hospital. Like the movie Groundhog Day, she had to relive the pain and unknown repeatedly until her brain recovered.
I would have to agree without our memories who are we. But then again, I must hope as humans we are resilient and have the ability to reinvent ourselves. The downside of reinvention is we leave behind the people who knew us before.
July 13, 2024
Kære Rikke
Jeg håber du læser med her, fordi min tekst er mere en besked til dig end en anmeldelse.
Hold kæft hvor er du sej!!!!
Jeg fik selv meningitis som følge af en pneumokok infektion som 17 årig. Og selvom jeg kom på hospitalet et par timer før du gjorde og derfor ikke døde eller gik i koma, så var beskrivelsen af sygdomsudvikiingen stort set 1-1 min egen på trods af at de ydre omstændigheder var forskellige.
Jeg mistede hørelsen og selvom min bevidsthed var fin så var jeg mange måder også isoleret i min voldsomt syge tilstand på intensiv og i tiden efter - både under indlæggelsen og hjemme.
Og så tror jeg endelig at beskrivelserne af dit sygdomsforløb giver mig en forklaring på hvorfor jeg fik problemer med min fødder efterfølgende. Jeg har aldrig rigtig forstået hvorfor jeg fik det.
Også følelserne relateret til at vende tilbage til livet som en anden og fra den ene dag til anden skulle leve med store handikap.
Tak Rikke for at huske mig på alle de ting jeg skal være taknemmelig for. Tak for at huske mig på alle de ting jeg har glemt at jeg lærte om livet.
Jeg håber du fortsætter med at nyde livet
Cecilie
Jeg håber du læser med her, fordi min tekst er mere en besked til dig end en anmeldelse.
Hold kæft hvor er du sej!!!!
Jeg fik selv meningitis som følge af en pneumokok infektion som 17 årig. Og selvom jeg kom på hospitalet et par timer før du gjorde og derfor ikke døde eller gik i koma, så var beskrivelsen af sygdomsudvikiingen stort set 1-1 min egen på trods af at de ydre omstændigheder var forskellige.
Jeg mistede hørelsen og selvom min bevidsthed var fin så var jeg mange måder også isoleret i min voldsomt syge tilstand på intensiv og i tiden efter - både under indlæggelsen og hjemme.
Og så tror jeg endelig at beskrivelserne af dit sygdomsforløb giver mig en forklaring på hvorfor jeg fik problemer med min fødder efterfølgende. Jeg har aldrig rigtig forstået hvorfor jeg fik det.
Også følelserne relateret til at vende tilbage til livet som en anden og fra den ene dag til anden skulle leve med store handikap.
Tak Rikke for at huske mig på alle de ting jeg skal være taknemmelig for. Tak for at huske mig på alle de ting jeg har glemt at jeg lærte om livet.
Jeg håber du fortsætter med at nyde livet
Cecilie
August 16, 2018
An exceptionally optimistic sounding audible narrator turned a potentially dreary offering into a lively narrative. I was shocked to discover how debilitating and devastating lupus can be. The road to recovery more so. But as a South African what shocked me most was the incredible medical care afforded to a sufferer. I have to say that with the Life Esidemeni event fresh in my mind an individual in this condition would be lucky to survive. I found the observations around differently ambled individuals at the end to be particularly useful. As a criticism I would say that the narrative was rather one-sided and the richness of the ordeal could certainly have been expanded with insights from the family and medical staff. The shattering effect on the family could be more than a one liner. Guess it is evidence of a world that can shrink to complete insular isolation
October 10, 2019
This is a small book that tells a big story about Rikke Schmidt Kjaergaard, a young mother and wife, who within a day or so falls terribly ill with bacterial meningitis, ending up in Intensive Care for weeks. As she remains unconscious for weeks, it is her family that document what is happening to her and the struggles that staff have to keep her alive. Although this horrid disease changed a lot in her life, forcing her to relearn basics like eating and walking again, she was lucky to survive. It was a compelling read.
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January 31, 2020I enjoyed the insights this book provided though some of it was hard to take as I have recently spent 45 days visiting my husband in the hospital and caring for him in recovery as well as watching my mom progress from full great health to no mobility at all and almost complete loss of hearing and now loss of speech due to an undiagnosed illness. Rikke's reasearch and sharing of her coma experiences and hospitialization through her eyes and her family's eyes will, I hope, encourage some changes in health care and the way we treat people and live our lives.
October 4, 2019
This was a great quick read. It gives a unique perspective into the world of someone that has come out of a coma. I was struck by the difficulty in communication and how hard it must have been to fight when you cant tell people what you need. I cant imagine how mentally strong you need to be to keep sane through it all. It also offered advice we can all apply to our loved ones when they fall ill of anything. I would recommend adding this one to your list.
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