Marriage That Works: God's Way of Becoming Spiritual Soul Mates, Best Friends, and Passionate Lovers

by Chip Ingram

When it comes to marriage these days, anything goes. No wonder you can find a book on marriage from every perspective--or no perspective. How can you experience a great marriage that lasts? What works?

This book answers that question by shining a light on the biblical design for marriage. In a world of sexual and relational confusion, isn't it time to consult the One who created marriage? Author and pastor Chip Ingram, with his characteristic compassion, transparency, and engaging storytelling, discusses

- what marriage really is
- the biblical model
- a man's unique role in marriage
- a woman's unique role in marriage
- the bigger picture of why God created marriage

A marriage that works, says Ingram, is more wonderful than you thought possible and harder than you imagined--but worth the work. Couples will learn the power of making a covenant with their spouse and fulfilling their design in an atmosphere of respect, resulting in the spiritual, psychological, emotional, and physical oneness they long to have with each other.

Genres: Marriage, Christian Living, Faith, Nonfiction

256 pages, Hardcover

Published February 5, 2019

About the author

Chip Ingram is the teaching pastor and CEO of Living on the Edge, an international teaching and discipleship ministry. A pastor for over thirty years, Chip is the author of many books, including Culture Shock, The Real Heaven, The Real God, The Invisible War, and Love, Sex, and Lasting Relationships. Chip and his wife, Theresa, have four grown children and twelve grandchildren and live in California.

Reviews

[Stacey E. · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was okay. I dont want it to seem like I didn't enjoy or gain any sound advice from it, I did. I just found it to be a book on the basics as it strayed from getting very deep into the roles of husband, wives, and parents. It was backed by scripture, but it also included a lot of superficial stories about his own life as well as a few friend experiences. Would still recommend this to those looking to grow in their spouse/parental role as well as newlyweds.

[Stephanie Ziebarth · Rating 4 out of 5]

An incredibly practical, biblically sound marriage resource. Very easy to read. Powerful application questions at the end of each chapter. Valuable for engaged couples, as well as for seasoned marriages.

I received this book for free through Goodreads, but was not obligated to write a review.

[Shirley Alarie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Valuable message for any Christian marriage.

Author Chip Ingram’s book, Marriage That Works, stems from his own 30-plus year marriage. He mixes his personal experiences and growth with Bible references and scriptures to create a marriage guide for today’s Christian couples.

With a basis of marriage as defined in Ephesians 5:21-33, Ingram lays the foundation for what a biblical marriage entails. Ingram tackles the word ‘submission’ – the word that makes many modern-day women cringe. The marital roles of women and men are described using the brilliant and effective analogy of dance partners – equal, yet different.

The call to love our spouse with Godly, sacrificial agape love sets the bar high. That is the unconditional choice to give another person what he/she needs when they deserve it least and at great personal cost.
Living a biblical marriage requires a concerted effort on the part of both husband and wife and requires God to be at the center. The second half of Marriage That Works describes the actual How-Tos for both wives and husbands. It addresses what living a biblical marriage looks like and the specific actions that each spouse can (and should) take to attain it.

Having a good marriage is an ever-evolving process and having a Godly marriage is no different. Marriage That Works God’s Way of Becoming Spiritual Soulmates, Best Friends, and Passionate Lovers is a good guide for those seeking this goal.

How this book affected me:
My marriage is blessed, but we also have normal daily struggles. This book helped me gain the perspective of bringing God even deeper and into the center of my marriage. Also, the reminder of what a husband needs and the ‘submission lesson’ are valuable to my quest of being the best wife possible to my husband.

Who would enjoy this book:
Marriage That Works is a guide for married heterosexual couples. It’s appropriate for newlyweds as well as seasoned marriages but can also be used by engaged or dating couples. This book would make a good gift for a young Christian couple – whether married or dating.

Our Christian Book Reviews:
The book reviews at Finding God Among Us focus on Christian books - adult and children, fiction and nonfiction. We're proud to be included in the Top 50 Christian Book Review Bloggers. I chose to read an ARC from Baker Books, a division of Baker Publishing Group. This review is my honest opinion.

[Benjamin Liles · Rating 5 out of 5]

Even though, as a married man, I can and will benefit from Chip Ingram's newest book Marriage That Works, it's also for those who are single and waiting for their spouse. When I say this it's because of the fact of how do we maintain God's vision of holiness in our lives. Are we to maintain God's standards and yet fail to live as a holy and pleasing people to Him?

I have to say through Chip's book and knowing my wife, Tanya, has heard of him and likes the way he teaches I thought I'd give him a chance. For me that's paid off big. I have been married to my wife for almost ten years. It may not have been an easy ten years, but they have been the best years of my life and I'm not sorry for her in the least. Through my marriage I can and have seen how far I have fallen short in my life and walk with God. So, it's surprising to me that when I see Chip say things like, "both people should submit to one another out of love and respect" (maybe not using those express words, but they are there), it means both people in marriage can be people God will use.

That's part of the reason I haven't posted anything for some time this month. I wanted to not only have time to read this wonderful book, but to also implement some of those things towards my lovely wife. It's practical in what Chip writes. And it lets your spouse know where your heart is when you talk to her about your day, letting her know where you're at and how she can best pray for you. It's not always easy for me to share my heart, even with her, but doing so lets her know I'm willing to grow and even pray for her as well. Besides, it's a hallmark you want to grow with her in your walk with Christ.

With all of that said, this is truly a great book. I loved the thoughts and the advice he gives as both a pastor and as a teacher. I can only hope that some day, God allows it, that I can be that same guy who helps others in their walks with Jesus Christ. So, overall, I would recommend this book highly to others who want a stronger marriage, and want to make their marriage holy in the eyes of God.

I received a complimentary copy of this book from Baker Books for a fair and honest review of the pages within it.

[Karl Dumas · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think that most people start their married lives with the idea that the honeymoon phase is going to last forever. Spoiler alert—it doesn’t always work that way. The good news is that there is a way to make your marriage, if not perfect, then at least better than it will be without putting in the work.
In his book Marriage that Works: God's Way of Becoming Spiritual Soulmates, Best Friends, and Passionate Lovers (Baker Books, 2019), Chip Ingram starts out with a few disclaimers. Things like the fact that he’s not a professional marriage counselor, and although he serves as a pastor, his family of origin was not ideal, and his marriage is far from perfect. But he has managed to learn about marriage according to God looks like, and he shares some of those lessons with his readers.
This book is not for someone looking for the easy way out. In fact, a good marriage requires a lot of hard work on the part of both husband and wife. Along the way Chip takes a look at some commonly misunderstood scripture verses, and puts them in context. You know the ones I mean, the pesky verses in Ephesians (4:22-23) that suggest that the man is the boss, and the woman is supposed to be submissive and subservient. Of course, if you read the whole passage (Eph 5:21-33) it becomes a lot clearer, and when you use scripture to interpret scripture, God's plan is even more fully revealed.
A marriage that works is not an accident, it’s not a guarantee; it’s the result of living according to the plan that God has laid out before us. Both husband and wife need to be willing to make the effort.
Thinking about getting married? This might be a good book to read ahead of time. Thinking about divorce? That’s not part of God's plan, and this book might help you avoid it. Things not going quite the way you had imagined them? Maybe some time spent together in this book might help.

I received a copy of this book from the publisher as a member of their blogger’s program. I was not required to write a positive review.
5/5

[Rebecca · Rating 4 out of 5]

See my full review at: https://grzybee.weebly.com/

This is the first non-fiction book I have read in a very long time. I usually don't read non-fiction as I find it takes longer to get through. But when I received the email about reviewing this book, I had a feeling I needed to do it. I am not saying my marriage is on the rocks, just the opposite, my husband and I have a wonderful relationship and I am loving being married to him.

We started out with me reading this book aloud to him, but this didn't last long as we found we would go days without reading it. So, I ended up reading the rest of the book on my own and my husband plans to finish reading it soon.

One of the things I liked about this book was that within the first few pages, Chip states, "The world doesn't need another marriage book that will give you psychological inventories, inspiring stories and conventional advice." (pg. 11) And while the book did have a little of all 3, it was not the main focus. This book held my attention and offered many good points, as well as discussion questions at the end of most of the chapters for the reader to reflect on.

Towards the end of the book he makes this statement, "Marriage is an irrevocable commitment of unconditional love towards an imperfect person. It is holy, and it is permanent...You need the certainty of the covenant to bind you together when nothing else does." (pg. 222). This is marriage and I just love this statement because it reflects the heart of God as well as a deep desire within.

[Randi Sampson · Rating 4 out of 5]

What does it mean to have a Christian marriage? This book helps break it down for us in a way that makes sense! I love how effortlessly this book breaks many things down. First we take a look at what God's design for marriage is. I think having this idea will help us all to have the type of marriage we hope for. After understanding what God had in mind, we get a chance to see the individual roles of men and women in marriage. Yes, this book talks about submission, a word so often seen as a negative, simply because of the lack of understanding of what that really means in a healthy, Christian relationship. I love how this book really lays down what it is...and what it isn't too. I think this can be really eye-opening to many. I also found the sections talking about the evolution of modern men and women to be really interesting too. Lots of great historical and cultural information there to really make us think. There are sections for men and women, all with questions to consider at the end of each chapter. Personally, I think it's great to read ALL sections to really get the bigger picture and support your spouse in their role as well. While this book may be great for married couples, I also think it can be great for people who are engaged or single as well. It can help to lay down that foundation to start a marriage off on the best foot possible when it does come. Overall, this is a really interesting read and one that is certainly worth checking out.

**I received a complimentary copy of this book from the publisher for consideration. All thoughts are 100% my own.

[Maryann · Rating 5 out of 5]

Chip Ingram is one of my favorite radio pastors. I have listened to his program, Living on the Edge, for well over a decade. I have always appreciated the way in which he would lay a strong theological foundation and then build practical forms of application upon it.

If you are also someone who has listened for a while, the information of this book will not be new. However, I very much appreciated having it in book form. While I do learn and absorb from listening, I find having a physical book to refer back to is extremely helpful.

If you are not someone who has listened to Chip’s program, this book is full of helpful information on how marriage should be structured and lived out. He very clearly outlines the strengths that God has gifted to both men and women and how those qualities can (and should) blend together in the dance of marriage.

"God has communicated what marriage is, how it works, the roles and responsibilities for husbands and wives, and why his instructions are so important. He did this not only for the sake of marriage but also for his larger, overarching plan to reveal Christ’s love to the world and his commitment to the church. That’s why this book exists." ~Marriage that Works, Introduction

*I received a complimentary copy of this book from the publisher for review. All opinions are my own.

[Ellie Dix · Rating 4 out of 5]

‘Marriage That Works’ was created with the purpose to break down what is written in Ephesians 5 about the roles of both husband and wife. The book starts with God’s purpose for marriage (as all marriage books should cover) and then begins to break down what exactly a husband and wife are made to bring into their marriages, despite culture’s push for us to do the opposite.

I liked the book because it was a helpful tool to diagnose where I had strayed from my purpose and role as a wife, but at the same time, it seemed very comparable to other books on marriage. I did appreciate that Chip placed an emphasis on organizing his book around scripture and not the other way around as some Christian books tend to do.

Overall, I think it’s worth a read if you are engaged or married and interested in diagnosing some weak places in both you and your spouse (together - don’t diagnose your spouse for them!).

Disclosure: I received this book free from Baker Books through the Baker Books Bloggers www.bakerbooks.com/bakerbooksbloggers program. The opinions I have expressed are my own, and I was not required to write a positive review. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255

[Deborah Flora · Rating 4 out of 5]

“A marriage that works,” says Ingram, “is more wonderful than you thought possible and harder than you imagined-but it’s worth the work.”

Absolutely! I agree completely.

This book is encouraging and fights for commitment to and in marriage. It cheers for thriving marriages, not merely surviving. It points us to Jesus and to each other. Chip Ingram shares from his life experiences and lessons learned along the way. He shares intentional steps for men and women alike in cultivating a life together. Marriage encapsulates so many things and a variety of areas. This book does a good job of pulling all the threads together and weaving a life of beauty through our failures, frustrations, fighting for our marriage, and flourishing in it all.

[Oak · Rating 4 out of 5]

Marriage That Works: God’s Way of Becoming Spiritual Soul Mates, Best Friends, and Passionate Lovers by Chip Ingram is a great book about marriage. I had previously enjoyed reading Ingram’s book The Real God, so I was excited to read Marriage That Works. In this book, Ingram talks about the covenant of marriage, and how husbands and wives nurture, protect, and provide for each other. Ingram writes with a tone of humility and sensitivity; there is a kindness behind his words. He explores the importance of marriage while showing how men and women can thrive in their marriages.

I received this book for review.

[Sarah Carter · Rating 3 out of 5]

Marriage That Works is a book that looks at giving couples an idea of what a Biblical-based marriage should look like, The chapters are mainly divided between what a husband should learn and what a wife should learn. He occasionally brings his wife into the book to tell the topic from her perspective. I think he should have done that more in the sections about wives. While it's a good overall book, it doesn't deal with the nitty gritty parts of marriage life. In the end, he describes how to tackle some of the hard parts of marriage, but it's actually the hard seasons that every marriage will go through when they have children. The book lacked a lot of practical examples and advice and could have dug deeper about what to do during the times when marriage does get hard - bad communication, selfishness, infidelity, faith struggles, etc.

[Beverly Jones · Rating 4 out of 5]

Marriage that Works is a great marriage guidebook that focuses on God-centered marriages...because God-centered marriages are the only ones that work. Marriage books are ones that I always want to read because I feel like I can always find ways to improve in my marriage. I enjoyed this book and really appreciated the viewpoint from both men and women. It's always interesting to see things from the opposite partner's point of view. I would definitely recommend this book to couples interested in improving their marriage. Thanks so much to Chip Ingram and BakerBooks for the chance to read and review this book!

[victoria · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was amazing writing, encouraging and inspiring to read with that also will giving you to discover the power of making a covenant with your spouse that we are all facings in today’s culture may be effect to your married but this book will challenging you thoughts about how a wife must trust God and overcome fears of her husband’s inadequacies. I highly recommend to everyone must to read this book. “ I received complimentary a copy of this book from Baker Books Bloggers for this review”.

[Lydia Rodriguez]

Thanks to GR for a free copy of this book. At first it seemed this book only applied to newlyweds or couples with young children. After hanging in there I found helpful, biblical advice to have a successful marriage for even late seasons of marriage. Marriage is one of the most important relationships we will ever experience apart from our relationship with God. I love this book isn't afraid to go against what's popular, "the norm", or what's acceptable on social media platforms.

[Angela]

WHile it may not resonate with some who are career-driven rather than family-oriented, it gives plenty of ideas on how to make everything in a home work out best for the long haul, and gives purpose and a fresh look at the Ephesians model for family life. I've been married over 50 years and would highly recommend it for people considering marriage as an alternative to living together alone.

[Nick Hawkins · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this while I was engaged, and it sparked some great conversations and helped us frame these questions with Scripture.

This book isn’t exhaustive though it’s based in Scripture and the author’s own story/marriage. I’d recommend it as a supplement to more in-depth, challenging reads along with counseling for anyone preparing for marriage or looking to grow as a biblical spouse.

[Jonathan Johnson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good book

Overall this was a good book
It discusses how to have a successful marriage from the authors perspective (a pastor of over 30 years)
I’ve read tens of books on marriage and relationship and did not get any ahas from this one
Overall though, I still enjoyed the book because the topics in the book are topics that I care about and reflecting on them will only make me better in my relationship with my wife

[Jennifer Conley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great Biblical examples of how to seek a Godly marriage

I enjoyed hearing examples and experiences based on Biblical perspective. So much to be gleaned from this book. Definitely a must read, and one to read again.

[Csimplot Simplot · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book!

[Tamary · Rating 5 out of 5]

Perfect read to build your heart for marriage

I loved every chapter and the insight that chip brought on marriage. I'm eager to apply them and begin God's design.

[Becca Brado · Rating 4 out of 5]

Solid biblical advice and personal stories. Great for any stage of marriage or for Christians who'd like to get married in the future.

[Michael Powers · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great read!

[Sam · Rating 5 out of 5]

The biblical meaning of marriage, super impactful and easy to understand. Loved this book!

[Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

An easy read but so full of godly wisdom! I highly recommend this book for anyone married or wanting to get married.

[Thayer · Rating 5 out of 5]

would recommend

[Matthew Lloyd · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the first of Ingram's work that I have read. While I have ran across his name many times in my social media feed, this is the first book of his that I have read. I think the best way to summarize this book is that it does not state anything new that is not contained in other books; however, it may be the easiest summation to read and it is nicely packaged all in one place.

This is a very practical tool for married couples to improve their marriage. I have not met a person that does not want their marriage to work. Our marriages may look different in different seasons, but we all want them to work.

Are the tools that Ingram given us fool proof? Well, no. There is always a possibility that your spouse does not want to make the marriage work, but you will certainly have done your part if you read this book and apply the principles.

This book was sent to me for review purposes. The words are my own.

[Teodora · Rating 4 out of 5]

These books are hard to rate. I would actually call this a 3 for its writing style, relationship books tend to repeat itself which can be frustrating for readers like myself while others may appreciate stressing a point. I did get some practical pointers and was certainly challenging with regards to others. I would recommend it, and I believe it would be of most benefit to premarriage or early marriage to set some of these things up.

[Charity Renee · Rating 4 out of 5]

It is a good book if you are a new Christian. If you have read marriage books before or done any of his other marriage studies it is redundant. I love Chip and there is great advice in there. I just had heard it before in his other books.