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The Art of Hard Conversations: Biblical Tools for the Tough Talks That Matter
Your next conversation could impact someone's life forever
Hard conversations challenge everyone. Some people make every effort to avoid them altogether; others dive in enthusiastically, damaging relationships in the process. A solid middle ground is difficult to find--especially for those who want to make sure they're following a biblical model for these tough encounters.
Lori Roeleveld firmly believes that the dialogues everyday Christians delay are often the very channels God wants to use to deepen relationships and transform lives. And she is eager to address the challenges they pose and to guide readers to meaningful conversations that rely on the wisdom of the Bible rather than the world.
In The Art of Hard Conversations , Roeleveld provides motivation, inspiration, and practical, readily applied skills to make those tricky talks more effective. Through funny, vulnerable personal stories, sound biblical teaching, and sections of tips and assignments to practice, the principles here are guaranteed to increase the confidence and competence of Christians in discussing sensitive topics of every kind.
Hard conversations challenge everyone. Some people make every effort to avoid them altogether; others dive in enthusiastically, damaging relationships in the process. A solid middle ground is difficult to find--especially for those who want to make sure they're following a biblical model for these tough encounters.
Lori Roeleveld firmly believes that the dialogues everyday Christians delay are often the very channels God wants to use to deepen relationships and transform lives. And she is eager to address the challenges they pose and to guide readers to meaningful conversations that rely on the wisdom of the Bible rather than the world.
In The Art of Hard Conversations , Roeleveld provides motivation, inspiration, and practical, readily applied skills to make those tricky talks more effective. Through funny, vulnerable personal stories, sound biblical teaching, and sections of tips and assignments to practice, the principles here are guaranteed to increase the confidence and competence of Christians in discussing sensitive topics of every kind.
240 pages, Paperback
Published February 19, 2019
29 people are currently reading
61 people want to read
About the author
Lori Stanley Roeleveld
9 books98 followersLori Stanley Roeleveld is a disturber of hobbits who enjoys making comfortable Christians late for dinner.
Her new book, Graceful Influence: Making a Lasting Impact through Lessons from Women of the Bible, https://www.amazon.com/Graceful-Influ... is available wherever fine books are sold.
Jesus lover. Speaker. Coach. Writer. Wife. Mother. Omi of boys. Part-time giant-slayer. Not available for children's parties.
You’ll find Lori at her website http://www.loriroeleveld.com or on her front porch writing.
Her new book, Graceful Influence: Making a Lasting Impact through Lessons from Women of the Bible, https://www.amazon.com/Graceful-Influ... is available wherever fine books are sold.
Jesus lover. Speaker. Coach. Writer. Wife. Mother. Omi of boys. Part-time giant-slayer. Not available for children's parties.
You’ll find Lori at her website http://www.loriroeleveld.com or on her front porch writing.
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Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews
February 22, 2019
The Art of Hard Conversations is a practical tool that you will read and have little moments in your head where you go, "ah- yes." I read this book and took note of so many different things and found myself nodding my head at the authors comments so many times. These chapters will make the reader explore the way we relate to others, how we communicate and how we relate to other people. I know I found myself very challenged by this book and also doing a lot of self-discovery through this book. I think you will really enjoy this book. I know I have!
February 18, 2019
My copy of Lori Roeleveld’s The Art of Hard Conversation is littered with red markings and notes. It has spoken to me in such a practical way and given me an abundance of “a-ha” moments. I love Lori’s writing style, and as with her other books, I always feel like I’m having a heartfelt conversation with a friend who is guiding me and walking along side me in this crazy journey with our Lord. Each chapter leads us to explore ourselves and how we relate to others, which can lead to our conversations and how others can perceive our efforts at expressing some difficult talks or interactions. I LOVE the “ARTwork” section of each lesson as it gave me opportunities to reflect on my life, read scripture to see the Biblical perspective, and put what I’ve just learned into practice. Beware though...this book may lead you to examine things about yourself, convict you to make hard changes by being bold or humble or both. I’m praying about doing The Art of Hard Conversation as a weekly Bible study. Amazing book!
March 29, 2019
I was not raised to be a communicator. Communication was not encouraged in the home where I grew up. My parents wrestled with communicating, both choosing to communicate in polar opposite ways. And, unfortunately the boys I dated, and the man I married, did not communicate effectively. Even as a child I desperately wanted to communicate well. It has come about over the course of many years, I have learned to be a better communicator. I’m not there yet. It is a work in progress.
After an email from Kregel about this book choice for review, I was immediately drawn to it. I enjoyed reading The Art of Hard Conversations and feel it is an excellent tool. I actually took eight pages of notes while reading the book!
The Art of Hard Conversation is divided in three parts, holding 14 units, with lessons in each unit:
1. Perspectives and Personalities-Understanding and Embracing the Challenge
2. Prepare for Success
3. Putting the Art into Practice
The introduction title is a question: Why Bother Having Hard Conversations? (Why Is It an Art?)
The reason is our conversations “could impact someone’s life forever.”
Conversations cover a large territory, whether it is people we work with or family. The most important conversation is sharing the Gospel with someone.
The Art of Hard Conversations is compared to “martial art” and “performing art.”
The lessons in each unit have an introduction Scripture, illustration, teaching points, and an ARTwork section. The ARTwork section has questions for reflection, Bible reading, and an activity for practice.
Early in the book, Unit 1, there are three types of people explained: hawk-swooping down to a conversation; a turtle-slow at talking or responding; and a chameleon who modifies “without compromising our message.”
Reasons why I love this book:
•Roeleveld teaches several things that I benefited from immediately: don’t try to be a hero in the conversation, and don’t try to change the other person. My task is to communicate.
•The illustrations in the lessons are broad and varied examples all readers can relate to and learn.
•Something I knew but liked hearing: to remain silent is sometimes the right thing to do.
•Six important questions to ask before a hard conversation takes place.
•Prep our conversation beforehand. For example: write out on paper what we want to talk about. This helps us to be clear.
•Be careful about the emotions going on during the conversation. God is my strength and anchor, and not my fears and feelings.
•”God doesn’t hold us responsible for other people’s feelings, and we shouldn’t take that on.”
•Just because I feel the urge to talk about something doesn’t mean it’s the right time to do so.
•Later in the book boundaries are discusses. This includes a section on dealing with someone who has painful memories of other hard conversations.
•Redemptive speech. This is something I’m learning as a children’s leader in Bible Study Fellowship. Redemptive words hold love, truth, and are Biblical.
Final Thoughts:
The Art of Hard Conversations is a jewel. It is filled with knowledge, wisdom, and applicable for all areas of life. The book can be read cover to cover or in sections. It is a great book to stay on the book shelf for future help. It is a great book for small groups or couples who want to work on conversation.
Source: NetGalley ebook.
I received a complimentary copy, but was not required to leave a positive review.
After an email from Kregel about this book choice for review, I was immediately drawn to it. I enjoyed reading The Art of Hard Conversations and feel it is an excellent tool. I actually took eight pages of notes while reading the book!
The Art of Hard Conversation is divided in three parts, holding 14 units, with lessons in each unit:
1. Perspectives and Personalities-Understanding and Embracing the Challenge
2. Prepare for Success
3. Putting the Art into Practice
The introduction title is a question: Why Bother Having Hard Conversations? (Why Is It an Art?)
The reason is our conversations “could impact someone’s life forever.”
Conversations cover a large territory, whether it is people we work with or family. The most important conversation is sharing the Gospel with someone.
The Art of Hard Conversations is compared to “martial art” and “performing art.”
The lessons in each unit have an introduction Scripture, illustration, teaching points, and an ARTwork section. The ARTwork section has questions for reflection, Bible reading, and an activity for practice.
Early in the book, Unit 1, there are three types of people explained: hawk-swooping down to a conversation; a turtle-slow at talking or responding; and a chameleon who modifies “without compromising our message.”
Reasons why I love this book:
•Roeleveld teaches several things that I benefited from immediately: don’t try to be a hero in the conversation, and don’t try to change the other person. My task is to communicate.
•The illustrations in the lessons are broad and varied examples all readers can relate to and learn.
•Something I knew but liked hearing: to remain silent is sometimes the right thing to do.
•Six important questions to ask before a hard conversation takes place.
•Prep our conversation beforehand. For example: write out on paper what we want to talk about. This helps us to be clear.
•Be careful about the emotions going on during the conversation. God is my strength and anchor, and not my fears and feelings.
•”God doesn’t hold us responsible for other people’s feelings, and we shouldn’t take that on.”
•Just because I feel the urge to talk about something doesn’t mean it’s the right time to do so.
•Later in the book boundaries are discusses. This includes a section on dealing with someone who has painful memories of other hard conversations.
•Redemptive speech. This is something I’m learning as a children’s leader in Bible Study Fellowship. Redemptive words hold love, truth, and are Biblical.
Final Thoughts:
The Art of Hard Conversations is a jewel. It is filled with knowledge, wisdom, and applicable for all areas of life. The book can be read cover to cover or in sections. It is a great book to stay on the book shelf for future help. It is a great book for small groups or couples who want to work on conversation.
Source: NetGalley ebook.
I received a complimentary copy, but was not required to leave a positive review.
March 9, 2019
Truth is like tofu … it has its own nature and consistency, yet still takes on the flavor of the other elements with which it’s served. In Roeleveld's latest book, "The Art of Hard Conversations" she shows us how to be prepared for those hard conversations that need to be shared. She explains how to embrace the power of a question and how to approach possibly devastating situations with Christ-infused strength. The chapter breakdowns are in-depth, easy to follow and incredibly respectful. You'll learn how to gently pull a topic apart a to see all the intricate pieces so you understand where your listener is coming from. No matter what your personality, the stories she shares will hit your heart.
And her use of scripture is spot-on!
Get your highlighter ready. You'll want to read and re-read this book. Lori Roeleveld truly really hit a home run with this one.
And her use of scripture is spot-on!
Get your highlighter ready. You'll want to read and re-read this book. Lori Roeleveld truly really hit a home run with this one.
December 17, 2019
Absolutely excellent. This book is full of biblical truth, encouragement for people who both talk too much and are afraid to speak up and people in between, practical advice (which I find is often lacking in Christian books), challenges, and humor. Roeleveld has helped me see hard conversations as opportunities for a deepening in relationship, and her tone is both gentle and a call to be courageous and to reach out in love. She makes hard conversations seem a little less scary. Also I've already recommended this book to like 10 people and everyone should read it. It's super easy to read in bite sized chunks during devo time in the morning or when you get a chance before bed, which is also awesome. ALL IN ALL THIS IS SO GOOOOOOD
January 15, 2021
I wouldn't say I like confrontation, and I have always tried to run away from it if I could. I have learned from being in a marriage and ministry leadership, that this approach does not work. I have not seen any other book out there that faces this subject as head-on as Lori does.
She writes with Godly wisdom and offers ways to honestly evaluate our hearts, as well as give us tools to face these confrontations with the expectation that God will meet us there. These tools can be used in any relationship. I know that if we put these truths into practice we will see more unity in our friendships, families, and churches.
She writes with Godly wisdom and offers ways to honestly evaluate our hearts, as well as give us tools to face these confrontations with the expectation that God will meet us there. These tools can be used in any relationship. I know that if we put these truths into practice we will see more unity in our friendships, families, and churches.
March 9, 2019
We’re not all that different when it comes to having hard conversations. No one wants to have them—or to even HAVE to have them. We wish our family members, friends, and co-workers would just know the right thing to do and just do it. As author Lori Roeleveld points out, with our different personalities and from our varied perspectives, these hard talks are not "one size fits all." But once you read about the author’s own life situations which required “hard conversations,” you’ll feel like you can have those hard talks too. In addition to her words of wisdom, which are always grounded in the Word of God, I so appreciate Lori’s transparency and heart.
February 22, 2019
The Art of Hard Conversations is a handbook for life. I like how the author peppers personal stories with wise, but practical advice, and I especially appreciate how the book is broken into bite-size morsels. Each unit offers brief lessons that walk the reader through a specific theme. My favorite was, "Is This Conversation Grounded and Timed in Love?" At the end of each lesson is the feature "ARTwork", which helps readers to practically and biblically apply what they learned. This book is a keeper, and because difficult conversations are inevitable in life, it will stay within arm's reach.
April 2, 2019
Do you have someone in your life who is difficult to talk with? Asking you tough questions? Or simply want to arm yourself with practical tools to prepare yourself for the inevitable? There is an art to conversations, speaking with one another. Why is it difficult, even debilitating at times, to bring up certain conversations? Why does it matter how we respond to uncomfortable questions and relational problems? In the book published by Kregel, Lori brilliantly laid out the chapters over Biblical models. With her background in psychology and Biblical studies, she addressed the walls, fears, doubts, and struggles we wrestle in our daily lives. Most importantly, there are situations our silence is best.
Learning to tackle our own perceptions of sin, willfulness, pride, and personal emotions of all kinds, we learn to lay our motives at the cross. Our personality does affect our communications, but we can learn to be kind and respectful. To look at the Word for guidance. To seek the Lord’s purpose in relationships and conversations.
I appreciated the clear bold highlights on nearly every other page in the printed version. This made sense for particularly tough conversations. I highly recommend this book because as we live and breathe and wade through relational struggles in this life, we will certainly have tough conversations where we need to hone our skills like an artist practicing the craft. The right tools to improve conversation with those in our lives are vital.
Lori provides “Biblical Tools for the Tough Talks That Matter,” and her book towers as a staple of practical references in the Christian’s library.
Learning to tackle our own perceptions of sin, willfulness, pride, and personal emotions of all kinds, we learn to lay our motives at the cross. Our personality does affect our communications, but we can learn to be kind and respectful. To look at the Word for guidance. To seek the Lord’s purpose in relationships and conversations.
I appreciated the clear bold highlights on nearly every other page in the printed version. This made sense for particularly tough conversations. I highly recommend this book because as we live and breathe and wade through relational struggles in this life, we will certainly have tough conversations where we need to hone our skills like an artist practicing the craft. The right tools to improve conversation with those in our lives are vital.
Lori provides “Biblical Tools for the Tough Talks That Matter,” and her book towers as a staple of practical references in the Christian’s library.
December 8, 2019
This book does exactly what it says it will do: provides biblical tools to help with the hard conversations.
It's so full of scripture and practical tips and exercises. It's really exactly what I was hoping for when that title grabbed me. The author's love of the Lord and His Word shines on every page, and the way she approaches each question or topic always starts with Jesus. Love it.
As a whole, it's been challenging and encouraging for me. Not to mention useful. Will be reccing it for group studies. For. Sure.
It's so full of scripture and practical tips and exercises. It's really exactly what I was hoping for when that title grabbed me. The author's love of the Lord and His Word shines on every page, and the way she approaches each question or topic always starts with Jesus. Love it.
As a whole, it's been challenging and encouraging for me. Not to mention useful. Will be reccing it for group studies. For. Sure.
May 25, 2022
The importance of this book cannot be overstated!! It should be required reading in high schools. Real life stories are used with conversational tips that span a variety of subjects. Practice ideas, scripture and love are emphasized empowering the reader to stand for the truth. Life changing!!
January 1, 2025
This book warrants reading more than once. Solid counsel here. I particularly appreciate the wording to use in challenging situations. Best book I've read on the subject.
Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews