Beyond Anger: A Guide for Men: How to Free Yourself from the Grip of Anger and Get More Out of Life

by Thomas J. Harbin

Men tend to express their anger differently than women do. Research shows men are often more violent and less willing to confront and deal with their emotions than women. Written by a psychologist who specializes in the treatment of male rage, Beyond Anger shows the angry - and miserable - man how to change his life and relationships for the better. This book helps men understand their anger by explaining what the specific symptoms of chronic anger are and by showing angry men how their actions negatively affect family, friends, and coworkers. It helps men control violent feelings by using simple exercises - developed especially for men - to identify when and why anger occurs and by helping them form new habits to prevent anger before it starts. Women, too, will learn essential strategies for understanding and helping the angry men in their lives. Beyond Anger is honest, tough, and real.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Psychology, Audiobook

240 pages, Paperback

First published November 30, 1999

Reviews

[Joshua Macer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Well, I dont care what other people think. I find some of these reviews a bit childish. After 2 year long tours to Irag, a 15 month tour to Iraq, and a year spent in Afghanistan in the Army Infantry I have picked up a healthy case of PTSD among other things. I have a VA disability rating of 100%
So lest anyone think that I am spouse abusing rage monster I am not. I read this book to help learn anger management techniques to ensure that that would never happen. Every man could benefit from reading this book. Married single etc.
I highly recommend.

[Steven · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was wary when this first got recommended to me, but Harbin not only talks sensibly about how to recognize you have anger-related problems, but provides useful coping strategies that have all the more credibility for his having to deal with his own anger. Highly, highly recommended.

[César Galicia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Por momentos, un poco repetitivo, sin embargo es un impresionante libro de autoayuda para hombres con problemas de enojo. Lo que lo hace diferente a otros libros similares (y, en mi opinión, mucho mejor) es que decide confrontar la raíz misma del enojo característico de los hombres: su masculinidad. A través de varios ejemplos, tanto de la vida de sus pacientes como de la propia, Harbin va trazando una ruta para que el hombre común pueda cuestionar sus propias nociones sobre la masculinidad y cuestione cómo es que las mismas lo han llevado a no ser feliz --y a hacerle daño a aquellos que ama--. Por momentos incluso parece que no le habla a los "hombres enojados" sino, simplemente, a todos los hombres. Padrísimo libro. Se lo recomendaría a quien fuera.

[Jared Lerner · Rating 3 out of 5]

I picked up this book because I tend to be impatient and let little, stupid things annoy me sometimes, but unfortunately that is not the target demographic that Harbin is preaching to in this one. After reading the first chapter or two I could immediately see that this is directed at men who are being totally consumed by anger and letting it destroy their lives, and even though the content is good for the most part, I just couldn't relate to most of it. I did read the whole thing just for the sake of it but I don't think it helped me personally unfortunately.

From a 100% bird's eye view, taking my disappointment out of the equation, I can see how this book would help some people, but I was a little taken aback at the limited number of action steps that Harbin gives. He does mention a bunch of times that therapy is often helpful (especially since he is a therapist himself) but I'm not sure that would persuade a large chunk of his target audience to actually go. I can't benchmark this book against similar ones since this is the first that I've read on such a polarizing scale, but I'm guessing there are probably better ones out there.

[Atom · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good info in the book but it's very heterosexist/heteronormative. I work with a lot of angry men and some of the chapters are definitely gonna be helpful.

[Shayan · Rating 3 out of 5]

موقع خوندن کتاب شرایطی توصیف شده بود و اتفاقاتی بیان شده بود که توی خودم ، دوستام ، همکارام و خانواده ام به کرات دیدم .
کتاب در وهله اول به بررسی خشم وشناسوندن فهم درون می پردازه تا ارایه راهکار . هرچند که در اینگونه مشکلات شناخت و قبول مشکل بیشتر از نیمه راه را رفتنه.
یک نکته قشنگی داخل کتاب یاد میده و اون اینه که در مواجهه با اتفاقات از خودمون بپرسیم چه اهمیتی داره ، و آیا اصلا ارزش رفتاری که می کنیم و نتیجه اش را داره؟

[Adam Johnson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book. It is an easy read with straightforward examples to help the reader recognise anger in himself. It doesn't sugarcoat its messages either, being absolutely clear on the need for men to take responsibility for their anger, and that violence is NEVER ok under any circumstances. I guess that's obvious, and yet nevertheless, the excuses are there (and addressed head on)

The message is one of hope, providing a number of tools to recognise and defuse destructive anger. Gentle and yet firm, just the sort of advice that should be provided to every man who wonders why life isn't quite working out as he planned, nothwithstanding all of his struggles to bring it in line with his expectations.

I think every man should read this book.

[Dave · Rating 4 out of 5]

I can understand the perspective of those who say this book is sexist, and there is a valid point about some of the statements he makes. It seems to not have been updated in a while, cultural norms have changed for the better. However, in terms of practical advice and routes to better emotional and mental health for grumpy blokes - I haven’t found a better resource. I do feel like many of the exercises and good advice would be applicable to women too.

[Samer Al Zahab · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is interesting, I found it honest and straight forward as it lays down the light for men in general and middle eastern men in specific to why they are angry, it is critical to understand how society shapes its own diseases without even knowing. I think this book is a must read for social workers, parents, and counselors alike.

[Jackie Berke · Rating 3 out of 5]

the psychologist that did really well on speaking about anger for men but made several inappropriate and inaccurate statements about women's sexuality. If you were going to do a book about sex then research it...if you were going to mention women sexuality then research...you did a good job on mentioning how anger limits women's sexual needs but you did a very poor job on saying how men controlling your anger can bring the sexual needs back for women.

in short men professionals or not don't speak about women's issues if you're not going to put the proper time in.

[Vincent Lombardo · Rating 3 out of 5]

There is a lot of good information in this book about what causes men to be angry. However, the recommendations to resolve or manage the problem are just too general. In addition, the book is too long, and the author constantly inserts anecdotes about himself which add nothing to the book! This book covers much of the same ground as "Rage: A Step-by-Step Guide to Overcoming Explosive Anger" by Ronald T. Potter-Efron, but "Rage" is the better book. It is better written, more lucid, more succinct, and has clearer and more concise recommendations.

[Connor Cummings · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very important book that will help “angry men” acknowledge their anger/rage and understand some of the characteristics/traits about themselves that before were seemingly unrelated to their anger (e.g., fixation with budgeting/saving is form of control). Everybody giving reviews tearing up the author about using therapy services and medication as a cop-out if falling into the trap of instant gratification of these times. It is going to take some work, with regression, likely with professional help.

[Alfonso Nosequechingados · Rating 4 out of 5]

Es un buen libro que permite comprender los motivos de porqué los hombres podemos ejercer violencia, la relación de esta con el enojo y la ira. Proponer técnicas de trabajo.
Sin embargo es un texto que puede ser repetitivo en algunos apartados que pueden ser criticados dese una perspectiva feminista o crítica de género.

[Trey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Just what I Needed

This book provides a clear look in the mirror and fundamental steps to address anger. This isn't a therapy substitute, rather a beginner's guide to take your first steps toward a better life.

[Ashwin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Amazing book! As hard as it is for me to accept my anger, but this book completely changed my perspective on it and how I've been hurting people and pushed me to make the changes I desperately needed.

[Isa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Im so glad i was brave enough to get through this whole book, and attempt allot of the suggested changes, after understanding where many of the issues came from and why they need to be addressed . If you have an anger issue do not hesitate to read this book. Its been a great help!

[Evan Jarvis · Rating 5 out of 5]

I learned more about how to change my behavior and control my anger in this book than I ever did in therapy. I am very grateful that I finally got a chance to read this, and I hope that I can make these changes permanent.

[Johan Rdz · Rating 5 out of 5]

Una guía de estudio y análisis sobre la ira masculina perfecta para comprender el tema englobando hombres de generaciones pasadas, contiene artículos muy útiles y aceptables, muy interesante, recomendable 100%

[DLyn A · Rating 4 out of 5]

The book has opened my mind to many things. But most importantly, it paved the path of forgiveness and pointed me to my great Lord and Savior. The anger In my heart was softened.

[Fahad Ahmed · Rating 5 out of 5]

An amazing book with incredible insights. Helped me so much.

[Aleksandar Stojanović · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best books I've ever read. I took a lot of notes, and it helped me a lot.

[Carl · Rating 4 out of 5]

Highly informative and filled with realistic suggestive actions for addressing anger in men, in particular. I listened to the audiobook twice because I enjoy the information just that much.

[june3 · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very well-intentioned, but nothing remarkable here.

[Clivemichael · Rating 4 out of 5]

Astute wisdom with something for everyone. Quite accessible and relevant.

[Alberto Fernàndez Sierra · Rating 5 out of 5]

Bastante directo. Hay veces en que lees y dices "joder... Habla de mí".

Muy bueno.

[Bojan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Outdated in some moments, but this book goes straight to the point! Written for an everyday Joe, it doesn't sell dreams but gives some down to earth advice.

[Mark Holloway · Rating 4 out of 5]

Overall this is a good book to read for self-help guidance material. What I appreciate about it implements a chapter for the women in the relationship and how it can help them as well.

[Matt · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thomas Harbin does a great job in this book describing many ways in which anger affects men and a lot of the how and why of men expressing anger.

Through my personal experience and professional experience (having worked as a mental health professional in an all-male prison) I have seen how deeply anger can negatively impact the person who feels that anger as well as everyone around them.

Harbin explains how often, if not always, anger is the surface-level emotion that is covering deeper emotions such as disappointment, embarrassment, depression, anxiety, and loneliness, among others. In the society of the US and many other areas, men feel that the expectations of being a “real man” are to never let anything affect you emotionally, succeed at everything, and never cry. This mindset is one of the most damaging things in families, communities, and nations. If the only societally “acceptable” way for men to show emotion is through anger, it’s no wonder that it is often shown as the mask that is covering up emotions men don’t have the words to express because they never learned how. If boys growing up are only ever told, “Don’t cry, be a man,” it makes perfect sense that so many men have trouble expressing any emotion that we think might make us seen as less tough.

The great news is, as in all matters of human behavior, people can change. We can all learn how to express emotions in better ways that build and deepen relationships rather than creating chasms of silence or violence dividing us from every person with whom we interact each day. Harbin does well in describing some of the ways in which men can handle feeling angry better and build the courage to express those emotions that are flowing strongly beneath the surface of that anger.

[Jared · Rating 1 out of 5]

I started reading this like three years ago and only got about 1/4 of the way through. It is really boring. Maybe it has some good points, but when you can't stay focused enough to figure them out, the points don't mean much.

[Clay · Rating 2 out of 5]

Though I am not a stranger to anger, Harbin writes to an audience that seemed completely unfamiliar that I could not relate with. It was as if he were writing to Mad Men males. There were a few useful tid-bits, but overall I felt like it didn't help.