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The Heart of Anger: Practical Help for Prevention and Cure of Anger in Children
Do your children ever speak to you in angry, disrespectful tones? Christian families, especially those in which children are home for most of the day, especially episodes of frustration and anger. This new book deals with anger's root causes, offering corrective advice from a biblical perspective. Pastor and radio teacher, John MacArthur, Jr. has said, "This book goes beyond the external manifestations of anger and deals with the internal source - the thoughts and intents of the heart. I know of no other book that addresses this problem with such practical and applicable biblical wisdom."
214 pages, Paperback
First published January 15, 1998
159 people are currently reading
1008 people want to read
About the author
Lou Priolo
63 books45 followersLOU PRIOLO is the Director of Biblical Counseling at Eastwood Presbyterian Church in Montgomery, Alabama. A graduate of Calvary Bible College and Liberty University, he is the author of The Heart of Anger , and The Complete Husband. Lou is also a Fellow in the National Association of Nouthetic Counselors. He resides in Wetumpka, Alabama with his wife, Kim, and daughters, Sophia and Gabriella.
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October 25, 2020
While I technically agreed with most of what Priolo shared in this book, the presentation for me was off-putting. It meticulously diagnosed the problems leading to and manifestations of anger with tons of Bible verses to back itself up. I kept waiting for the Gospel, the only hope for true heart change, to come in or at least be mentioned, but I think that was beyond what the author had in mind. So there were a lot of strategies for dealing with anger in the moment, not letting it control your household as it might otherwise do, and helping kids analyze the heart's passions at war within them. (All of which are good!) However, without that precious refreshment of the Gospel, there may be a risk of making people feel overwhelmed by a new to-do list (memorize this list of verses, make copies of the Anger Journal pages, create a Think Room, dissect the last conversation we had). So I'd say this book may be more meant for people who are already dealing with a child REALLY given to angry outbursts or sulks. In that case, these tactics might feel like a relief, not a burden!
Beyond that, there were two things that kind of nagged at me throughout... First, the use of Scripture felt strange, and I can't quite put my finger on what it was. It was like he wanted to have a verse to back up everything he said, but sometimes this felt forced. Like when he mentioned sulking was a sin (I agree; it is a sin) and instead of just letting it stand or talking about a complaining spirit he quoted a long passage about when Ahab sulked. I don't feel the passage really contributed to the argument or helped me understand sulking better; it honestly felt more like he just wanted to prove it was in the Bible at some point. And the reason I think that is that at another point in the book, he uses the metaphor of boxing to talk about an exchange with an angry teenager. When he first mentions boxing, he says, "which is a biblical concept," then lists four or five Scripture references behind it. (Only two at most were actually about boxing; the others were using physical training metaphors generally). This need to prove boxing was a biblical concept was very odd to me (so odd that I obviously looked up all the verses to figure out what he meant by "biblical concept"). In hindsight, maybe he was going more for the idea of "biblical precedent"--"Paul used this metaphor, so I will too." But Paul used it reallllllly differently...
Which leads me to the second thing that nagged at me, which was the overall adversarial tone it took towards the angry kids. The weird boxing line came just before a whole chapter that goes play-by-play (round by round?) through an imagined argument with an angry teenager, describing the battle like it's a match. Conflicts are conflicts; I'm not saying they aren't; but overall I just found it really strange to be reading strategies for "defeating" your teenager (with no nod to the fact that your ultimate goal is winning your teenager). Of course, I'm not living with an angry teenager at the moment, so I'm also out of this section's view. But I'll just say my heart toward my children benefited far more from Paul Tripp's description of us as "ambassadors" to our children in Parenting: 14 Gospel Principles That Can Radically Change Your Family.
One final finicky thing, which likely colored my whole experience: I really did not like the formatting of this book, which included (in my edition) bolding AND italicizing every Bible verse.
I did glean several helpful ideas, like making sure to frame your corrections to your children in biblical language rather than personal preference language, and the Anger Journal has helped ME even since I finished reading through! However, for addressing the particular problem of anger, I might recommend How People Change Participant Workbook instead--or maybe Ed Welch's A Small Book about a Big Problem: Meditations on Anger, Patience, and Peace, which I haven't read yet but plan to soon.
Beyond that, there were two things that kind of nagged at me throughout... First, the use of Scripture felt strange, and I can't quite put my finger on what it was. It was like he wanted to have a verse to back up everything he said, but sometimes this felt forced. Like when he mentioned sulking was a sin (I agree; it is a sin) and instead of just letting it stand or talking about a complaining spirit he quoted a long passage about when Ahab sulked. I don't feel the passage really contributed to the argument or helped me understand sulking better; it honestly felt more like he just wanted to prove it was in the Bible at some point. And the reason I think that is that at another point in the book, he uses the metaphor of boxing to talk about an exchange with an angry teenager. When he first mentions boxing, he says, "which is a biblical concept," then lists four or five Scripture references behind it. (Only two at most were actually about boxing; the others were using physical training metaphors generally). This need to prove boxing was a biblical concept was very odd to me (so odd that I obviously looked up all the verses to figure out what he meant by "biblical concept"). In hindsight, maybe he was going more for the idea of "biblical precedent"--"Paul used this metaphor, so I will too." But Paul used it reallllllly differently...
Which leads me to the second thing that nagged at me, which was the overall adversarial tone it took towards the angry kids. The weird boxing line came just before a whole chapter that goes play-by-play (round by round?) through an imagined argument with an angry teenager, describing the battle like it's a match. Conflicts are conflicts; I'm not saying they aren't; but overall I just found it really strange to be reading strategies for "defeating" your teenager (with no nod to the fact that your ultimate goal is winning your teenager). Of course, I'm not living with an angry teenager at the moment, so I'm also out of this section's view. But I'll just say my heart toward my children benefited far more from Paul Tripp's description of us as "ambassadors" to our children in Parenting: 14 Gospel Principles That Can Radically Change Your Family.
One final finicky thing, which likely colored my whole experience: I really did not like the formatting of this book, which included (in my edition) bolding AND italicizing every Bible verse.
I did glean several helpful ideas, like making sure to frame your corrections to your children in biblical language rather than personal preference language, and the Anger Journal has helped ME even since I finished reading through! However, for addressing the particular problem of anger, I might recommend How People Change Participant Workbook instead--or maybe Ed Welch's A Small Book about a Big Problem: Meditations on Anger, Patience, and Peace, which I haven't read yet but plan to soon.
September 10, 2021
This is a biblically-based approach to solving a child's behavior problems. The premise is that behavior issues are generally rooted in an anger problem. This book explains how to change your parenting style to prevent and cure your child's anger problem. This usually involves dealing with your own anger problem. It's written by a Christian counselor and instructor.
Some techniques and examples seem unrealistic (I can't imagine them working for my child). The author mentions a few times that others have said the same, but that it's all possible if you do it correctly and consistently for long enough.
My wife recommended this to me after she read it. We're struggling with our nearly-3 daughter who ignores and defies us. In reading this, I realized that I'm committing several of the behaviors that provoke children to anger. I'm starting to work on eliminating those to see how it improves my daughter's behavior.
Provocative Parents
Ways parents provoke children to anger
• Modeling sinful anger. Child follows your example; don't model anger.
• Habitually disciplining while angry. Child perceives discipline as personal, vindictive attack. Discipline based on child's sin against God, not trouble they caused you.
• Scolding. Speak with self-control, with few words, calmly, gently.
• Inconsistent discipline. Both parents must use same standards and each parent must be consistent from one incident to the next.
• Having double standards. Live by the same standards you hold child to; don't be hypocrite.
• Not admitting you're wrong and not asking for forgiveness. When you offend your child, admit it to them and ask for forgiveness.
• Constantly finding fault. Praise with greater frequency than you reprove.
• Not praising or encouraging. Regularly praise, so child perceives correction as part of biblical love.
• Unrealistic expectations. Remember that children think and act as children.
Angry Attitudes
Parent and child must be biblical in all 3 aspects of communication: words, tone of voice, non-verbal communication.
Discipline: What It Really Means
Gumnazo Principle: biblical discipline involves correcting wrong behavior by practicing right behavior, with right attitude, for right reason, until it becomes habitual. Think of a master teaching an apprentice through hands-on mentorship.
Anger Journal
1. What happened to provoke me to anger?
2. What did I do/say when I became angry?
3. What does the Bible say about what I did/said?
4. What should I have done/said?
Heart Journal
1. What happened to provoke me to anger?
2. What did I say to myself? What did I want?
3. What does the Bible say about what I said to myself? About what I wanted?
4. What should I have said to myself? What should I have wanted more than my selfish desire?
Getting Anger Problems Right
"When children are taught before they are teenagers to desire the approval of God more than the approval of man, the problem of peer pressure can be eliminated."
Disrespect and Manipulation
Respond to disrespect and manipulation with 1) appeal to personal responsibility, and 2) appeal to God's will.
Think Room
Think Room: place in home for child to study for 5-15 minutes how to respond to parents in biblical manner.
Sending child to Think Room
Tell child:
1. Time (usually 5-15 minutes)
2. Purpose (e.g., "You're being disrespectful. Figure out a more respectful way to respond")
3. Assignment (e.g., "Be prepared to ask for my forgiveness and demonstrate at least 2 biblically better ways to respectfully make your point."
Think Room can be used before chastisement (preventive) or after.
Appeal Process
1. Child acknowledges your instruction
2. Child requests appeal
3. Child presents additional information for you to consider
Some techniques and examples seem unrealistic (I can't imagine them working for my child). The author mentions a few times that others have said the same, but that it's all possible if you do it correctly and consistently for long enough.
My wife recommended this to me after she read it. We're struggling with our nearly-3 daughter who ignores and defies us. In reading this, I realized that I'm committing several of the behaviors that provoke children to anger. I'm starting to work on eliminating those to see how it improves my daughter's behavior.
Provocative Parents
Ways parents provoke children to anger
• Modeling sinful anger. Child follows your example; don't model anger.
• Habitually disciplining while angry. Child perceives discipline as personal, vindictive attack. Discipline based on child's sin against God, not trouble they caused you.
• Scolding. Speak with self-control, with few words, calmly, gently.
• Inconsistent discipline. Both parents must use same standards and each parent must be consistent from one incident to the next.
• Having double standards. Live by the same standards you hold child to; don't be hypocrite.
• Not admitting you're wrong and not asking for forgiveness. When you offend your child, admit it to them and ask for forgiveness.
• Constantly finding fault. Praise with greater frequency than you reprove.
• Not praising or encouraging. Regularly praise, so child perceives correction as part of biblical love.
• Unrealistic expectations. Remember that children think and act as children.
Angry Attitudes
Parent and child must be biblical in all 3 aspects of communication: words, tone of voice, non-verbal communication.
Discipline: What It Really Means
Gumnazo Principle: biblical discipline involves correcting wrong behavior by practicing right behavior, with right attitude, for right reason, until it becomes habitual. Think of a master teaching an apprentice through hands-on mentorship.
Anger Journal
1. What happened to provoke me to anger?
2. What did I do/say when I became angry?
3. What does the Bible say about what I did/said?
4. What should I have done/said?
Heart Journal
1. What happened to provoke me to anger?
2. What did I say to myself? What did I want?
3. What does the Bible say about what I said to myself? About what I wanted?
4. What should I have said to myself? What should I have wanted more than my selfish desire?
Getting Anger Problems Right
"When children are taught before they are teenagers to desire the approval of God more than the approval of man, the problem of peer pressure can be eliminated."
Disrespect and Manipulation
Respond to disrespect and manipulation with 1) appeal to personal responsibility, and 2) appeal to God's will.
Think Room
Think Room: place in home for child to study for 5-15 minutes how to respond to parents in biblical manner.
Sending child to Think Room
Tell child:
1. Time (usually 5-15 minutes)
2. Purpose (e.g., "You're being disrespectful. Figure out a more respectful way to respond")
3. Assignment (e.g., "Be prepared to ask for my forgiveness and demonstrate at least 2 biblically better ways to respectfully make your point."
Think Room can be used before chastisement (preventive) or after.
Appeal Process
1. Child acknowledges your instruction
2. Child requests appeal
3. Child presents additional information for you to consider
February 17, 2018
I read this for myself years ago, and though it's not a magic bullet, it does give a parent thoroughly Biblical help in addressing anger issues with a child. What I loved about it was the fact that it had not a trace of pop psychology. There were checklists to help a parent evaluate his/her own actions and reactions, and encouragement to own up to our own mistakes first. Then a thorough examination of a child's expression of anger in ways overt and subtle (for example rolling the eyes). This enables a parent to clarify what the boundaries of acceptable behavior are, using a Biblical standard. Once that has been established, there needs to be consistent follow-up each time anger is expressed inappropriately. The book includes a journaling tool that I found helpful; having a child evaluate in writing what triggered the anger, how it was wrongly expressed, and how it could have been expressed constructively is helpful in reinforcing acceptable behavior. I appreciated that the remedy is not merely punitive.
This book has come to mind on several recent occasions when I have sought to be supportive to younger parents who are struggling with this issue, and I have given away several copies. Although I might not have realized it at the time I was using it, in hindsight it has stood the test of time as a stellar resource.
This book has come to mind on several recent occasions when I have sought to be supportive to younger parents who are struggling with this issue, and I have given away several copies. Although I might not have realized it at the time I was using it, in hindsight it has stood the test of time as a stellar resource.
February 24, 2024
I found several of his lists helpful to consider such as ways you may be making your home child-centered, ways you may be provoking your child to anger, and his coverage on manipulation. His suggestions have lots of steps to follow which feels a little impractical for most daily interactions especially with younger children but I like his biblical counseling approach overall and will likely reference this book in the future.
June 14, 2012
I was told that this was something like Love and Logic, only with scriptural references. I confess, I am one of the few adoptive parents who has not read L and L, but have heard it referenced often. So the addition of scripture made this the easy choice for me.
The instructions put forth in Heart of Anger do require some concentrated effort, but I have no doubt that they will reap the rewards you are looking for - for both your child and yourself. While reading, I already began putting into practice some of the suggested responses rather than some of my old tried and tested efforts - and saw immediate results. I look forward to working out both the Anger and Heart Journals with my children, although I suspect we will wind up defaulting to one or the other.
This is a wonderfully affirming book, both to adoptive parents, and to the kids we are raising. God bless the author, God bless the readers, God bless their children.
The instructions put forth in Heart of Anger do require some concentrated effort, but I have no doubt that they will reap the rewards you are looking for - for both your child and yourself. While reading, I already began putting into practice some of the suggested responses rather than some of my old tried and tested efforts - and saw immediate results. I look forward to working out both the Anger and Heart Journals with my children, although I suspect we will wind up defaulting to one or the other.
This is a wonderfully affirming book, both to adoptive parents, and to the kids we are raising. God bless the author, God bless the readers, God bless their children.
December 20, 2022
This book has some good points to make, such as stressing that a parent cannot help their child learn how to deal with anger if they have an anger problem themselves. And there are some good ideas on how to think through words and actions to get to the roots of anger. But I don’t appreciate the way the verses were almost forced into every single point, frequently in ways that either were outright out of context or just didn’t fit the point being made. The gospel was briefly given, but there was zero reference to grace and mercy and the gracious ways that God deals with us as His children. The almost adversarial approach to parenting made me cringe. :(
January 26, 2020
I felt like this was very sound, scriptural advice to helping children to know how they are reacting sinfully (and myself) and how they and I can better respond and interact in a Christ-honoring manner.
August 14, 2014
This book is an excellent introduction to two things:
- Christian counseling
- Biblical parenting
In "The Heart of Anger," Lou Priolo does an outstanding job laying out practical, foundational ways to train children up in the nurture and admonition of The LORD, using Scripture and Biblical discipline- and not psychobabble and medications. He puts a heavy focus on teaching children how to think about their own sinful hearts and the situations of life Biblically, and oftentimes ends up helping parents to do the same in the process. Scripture-saturated, principle-based, and practically applied, this book should be read by every parent, would-be parent, person who has a parent, and anyone who doesn't fall into those categories as well. Not yet having children of my own, it was still very good for me to read this and build my parenting toolkit before God brings a wife and children, if He so wills; it was also unexpectedly convicting for me in multiple areas where I realized that *I* was being the manipulative child discussed in the book!
Some of the examples given show worldview presuppositions that are normative for our culture- things like children attending school, teenagers swearing at their parents, and young daughters going to the mall with a male friend- presuppositions which I do not share, and which Mr. Priolo may or may not as well; they are fitting examples for America today, but should be read with a mind able to discern between what *is* and what *ought to be* normative in a Christian home.
- Christian counseling
- Biblical parenting
In "The Heart of Anger," Lou Priolo does an outstanding job laying out practical, foundational ways to train children up in the nurture and admonition of The LORD, using Scripture and Biblical discipline- and not psychobabble and medications. He puts a heavy focus on teaching children how to think about their own sinful hearts and the situations of life Biblically, and oftentimes ends up helping parents to do the same in the process. Scripture-saturated, principle-based, and practically applied, this book should be read by every parent, would-be parent, person who has a parent, and anyone who doesn't fall into those categories as well. Not yet having children of my own, it was still very good for me to read this and build my parenting toolkit before God brings a wife and children, if He so wills; it was also unexpectedly convicting for me in multiple areas where I realized that *I* was being the manipulative child discussed in the book!
Some of the examples given show worldview presuppositions that are normative for our culture- things like children attending school, teenagers swearing at their parents, and young daughters going to the mall with a male friend- presuppositions which I do not share, and which Mr. Priolo may or may not as well; they are fitting examples for America today, but should be read with a mind able to discern between what *is* and what *ought to be* normative in a Christian home.
June 24, 2010
I really liked this book. There were some gaps that should have been filled in. But several things were helpful. First, he addresses an issue at length that is a huge problem in Christian homes. Namely, anger in children. Second, he begins by discussing how parents provoke anger in their children. He continues this theme in various ways throughout the book, always reminding parents of the danger of provoking anger when we discipline incorrectly. Third, he has a lot of practical ways to deal with anger. He makes it clear that his way is not the only way. But he still gives very concrete examples of how he deals with the sin of anger in children. Many of his practical suggestions would work just as well for other sins, such as lust, envy or laziness. Finally, my version was laid out with a lot of diagrams, lists, offset boxes, etc. Some people may find this annoying. I find it helpful because it makes the book easy to refer back to when you are having a problem.
July 11, 2012
I am always skeptical of Christian "lifestyle, self-help, pop psychology" but this book is not of that type, but convinces by using sound exegesis of the biblical texts and practical applications thereof.
The first thing that went through my mind reading was that i need to be trained like this before i can ever apply it to my children. There remains the great temptation to say, this is too complicated and time-consuming but - as Lou Priolo also says - to not provoke your children to anger, but to bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Eph 6:4) is the primary task God has given to us as Christian parents and even if it will not save time in the long run, it still glorifies our Redeemer.
The first thing that went through my mind reading was that i need to be trained like this before i can ever apply it to my children. There remains the great temptation to say, this is too complicated and time-consuming but - as Lou Priolo also says - to not provoke your children to anger, but to bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Eph 6:4) is the primary task God has given to us as Christian parents and even if it will not save time in the long run, it still glorifies our Redeemer.
June 2, 2011
I really appreciate Priolo's insight into this issue. I think some of the vignettes/conversations recorded are a little stilted sounding, but I think his diagnosis of the causes of anger (both in ourselves and in our children) are right on target. I especially appreciated the chapters on manipulation/disrespect. This book was convicting for me as a parent, showing me areas in my own life that need examination. I feel like I need to reread it! It's definitely not a book to be picked up only if you have a "strong-willed" child. I think every parent needs to read it.
July 3, 2017
What I love most about this book is that you can read it from both the vantage point of the child or the parent. And switch back and forth depending on the concept presented. You can immediately place yourself in your childhood home growing up as well as your home now with your own kids with YOU as the parent.
This is a must-have eye-opening book for all parents. If you own only three parenting books, let this be one of them. Highly recommend. It has the potential to heal old wounds as well as change your parenting style NOW. It is not about behavior but about the heart. Biblically based.
This is a must-have eye-opening book for all parents. If you own only three parenting books, let this be one of them. Highly recommend. It has the potential to heal old wounds as well as change your parenting style NOW. It is not about behavior but about the heart. Biblically based.
June 20, 2012
What a practical, helpful book! This is the sort of book I'll be returning to frequently as a resources. The biblical approach (focusing on the heart) and the worksheets in the appendix make this an easy book to recommend. I'd give it 5 stars, but the author's tendency to write in lists made this just less than a 5-star book. This would be very worthwhile for anyone dealing with anger in their children (or themselves!).
December 30, 2014
This book is not just about anger it is a book on parenting and teaches how to create a Christ centered, rather than child centered, home. It not only tells you what you should do and why but gives you practical application in which you can apply the concepts you learn. This book also has a workbook that can be used as part of a small group setting. Great book!
January 19, 2010
Even though this book seems like it would only address anger, it actually can help parents and teachers deal biblically with several issues of the heart. And, as with most heart issues books, this one would not have to only deal with children either.
July 4, 2009
very helpful for parents in particular to understand the root of anger in their children and how to combat it.
February 9, 2011
Full of good stuff.
January 24, 2014
This is an excellent parenting book- one I am sure will be falling apart at the seams by the time I am done parenting!
April 6, 2017
I have gleaned helpful tools to minister to angry teens and their parents from this excellent book.
April 13, 2022
This had a lot of good nuggets and practical advice in this book. I dog-eared and highlighted several passages to share with my husband. There were several things I thought were a little over-the-top but overall a good resource to read through as a parent. First, to identify your own heart and then wisely use our parenting to guide our children into healthy habits that are God honoring as they mature.
November 15, 2024
3.5 rounded up. I’ve had this one on my shelf for years and wished I had picked it up sooner. I didn’t agree with all the methodology in this book, but it is packed with scripture, which keeps the focus where it needs to be throughout this book. My biggest take away from this book is the appeal process. It makes a lot of sense to me and I wish it was something I had employed in my early parenting years. It would have saved a lot of arguments.
May 1, 2020
It was a good book, I would like to see an updated version. It was an easy read, I felt like the examples were a bit wordy, the main ideas were given them re-given with real life examples.
Best followed with Paul David Tripp's Age of Opportunity
Best followed with Paul David Tripp's Age of Opportunity
January 30, 2020
Intensely practical and thorough!!
July 2, 2022
I was able to pull out some helpful nuggets in this book.
June 27, 2013
I thought this book had some very helpful concepts.
Its focus is on teaching children to evaluate their sinful anger (whether inward or outward manifestations) using biblical terminology and determine/employ biblical alternatives. It also helps kids determine the circumstances that led up to the anger and acknowledge/describe their actions in dealing with it.
The author uses his experience as a parent and a counselor to give ideas, outline biblical instruction and provide scenarios where this process can be demonstrated. This process is to be used in the wider context of biblical discipline (Ephesians 6:4)
A few of the things that I especially appreciated in this book are the chapter on the appeals process, the distinction between biblically directed rules and biblically derived rules in a household, the basic process of evaluating your sinful anger/response and correcting it biblically, the anti-manipulation devices learned from Christ's example, and the strong emphasis on using biblical terminology and biblical methods for dealing with issues that may cause sinful anger. I also benefited from the author's distinction between righteous anger and sinful anger and the applications that can be made to all relationships that involve authority (for adults and children alike). I found several concepts to be helpful in my own life. For example, what do I want so much that I am willing to sin to get it or because I don't get it? Is what I want/love/desire idolatrous or God-honoring? Am I answering a fool according to his folly or do my answers reveal to the fool his own folly?
The book itself feels fairly repetitive. The author provides a few activities (with worksheets) that follow the same basic process and many of the concepts go back to the same biblical principles/verses. I also thought that the example dialogues were incredibly contrived and they didn't sound genuine. It almost felt like a child could easily learn to manipulate the whole system just by learning the "right" words and tone of voice/body language. To be fair and honest, I'm not quite sure if the example dialogue language felt foreign because it appeared forced and unrealistic or if it's because I just haven't been trained to consider situations in those terms. Maybe it's just awkward to read something that is intended to be a verbal discussion.
This book reads more like a manual than anything. There are lists and charts and example worksheets. It's written very practically which kind of made it feel tedious to get through (considering how many of the concepts overlapped). However, the advantage to this kind of writing is that it will be easy to find the tips and instructions when I need a refresher.
I read this book for a class so I probably would have been more invested in it if I were dealing directly with a child who struggled with sinful anger (in which case I think it would be very helpful). Most of the criticism I have of the book is style-related. It is, nevertheless, a great resource to read not only to evaluate your own sinful anger but to help guide a child through his or hers.
I originally rated this with three stars, but my own review has convinced me to give it four. I didn't realize how much I learned from it (and how likely I am to return to it in the future) until I had to review it!
Its focus is on teaching children to evaluate their sinful anger (whether inward or outward manifestations) using biblical terminology and determine/employ biblical alternatives. It also helps kids determine the circumstances that led up to the anger and acknowledge/describe their actions in dealing with it.
The author uses his experience as a parent and a counselor to give ideas, outline biblical instruction and provide scenarios where this process can be demonstrated. This process is to be used in the wider context of biblical discipline (Ephesians 6:4)
A few of the things that I especially appreciated in this book are the chapter on the appeals process, the distinction between biblically directed rules and biblically derived rules in a household, the basic process of evaluating your sinful anger/response and correcting it biblically, the anti-manipulation devices learned from Christ's example, and the strong emphasis on using biblical terminology and biblical methods for dealing with issues that may cause sinful anger. I also benefited from the author's distinction between righteous anger and sinful anger and the applications that can be made to all relationships that involve authority (for adults and children alike). I found several concepts to be helpful in my own life. For example, what do I want so much that I am willing to sin to get it or because I don't get it? Is what I want/love/desire idolatrous or God-honoring? Am I answering a fool according to his folly or do my answers reveal to the fool his own folly?
The book itself feels fairly repetitive. The author provides a few activities (with worksheets) that follow the same basic process and many of the concepts go back to the same biblical principles/verses. I also thought that the example dialogues were incredibly contrived and they didn't sound genuine. It almost felt like a child could easily learn to manipulate the whole system just by learning the "right" words and tone of voice/body language. To be fair and honest, I'm not quite sure if the example dialogue language felt foreign because it appeared forced and unrealistic or if it's because I just haven't been trained to consider situations in those terms. Maybe it's just awkward to read something that is intended to be a verbal discussion.
This book reads more like a manual than anything. There are lists and charts and example worksheets. It's written very practically which kind of made it feel tedious to get through (considering how many of the concepts overlapped). However, the advantage to this kind of writing is that it will be easy to find the tips and instructions when I need a refresher.
I read this book for a class so I probably would have been more invested in it if I were dealing directly with a child who struggled with sinful anger (in which case I think it would be very helpful). Most of the criticism I have of the book is style-related. It is, nevertheless, a great resource to read not only to evaluate your own sinful anger but to help guide a child through his or hers.
I originally rated this with three stars, but my own review has convinced me to give it four. I didn't realize how much I learned from it (and how likely I am to return to it in the future) until I had to review it!
December 20, 2018
I think the proof of this book will be in the living it.
The model is the need each and every time that anger occurs 1/ was I the cause as a parent 2/ the need for the child to self evaluate using the following 4 questions
1. What circumstances led to my becoming angry? (What happened that provoked me to anger?)
2. What did I say/do when I became angry? (How did I respond to the circumstances?)
3. What is the biblical evaluation of what I said/did when I became angry? (How does the Bible classify what I said/did when I became angry?)
4. What should I have said/done when I became angry? (How could I have responded biblically when I became angry?)
The author recognises that this may be time consuming - but as he says what better used of your time do you have. The aim of this is to get people to evaluate their behaviour in the light of the Word of God. I know need to invest the time in learning the model and putting the model into practise
The model is the need each and every time that anger occurs 1/ was I the cause as a parent 2/ the need for the child to self evaluate using the following 4 questions
1. What circumstances led to my becoming angry? (What happened that provoked me to anger?)
2. What did I say/do when I became angry? (How did I respond to the circumstances?)
3. What is the biblical evaluation of what I said/did when I became angry? (How does the Bible classify what I said/did when I became angry?)
4. What should I have said/done when I became angry? (How could I have responded biblically when I became angry?)
The author recognises that this may be time consuming - but as he says what better used of your time do you have. The aim of this is to get people to evaluate their behaviour in the light of the Word of God. I know need to invest the time in learning the model and putting the model into practise
December 27, 2018
I cannot recommend this book enough. Although I feel the title does not suit the book well. This is a book that not only addresses the heart of anger, but how to correct, teach and discipline your children according to the scriptures. Some other points that are covered in this book are how and why children should appeal, how manipulation is manifested in children and an exhortation to parents to be consistent and endure. This book should be read by all Christian parents before their children even reach the age of receiving disciplines. Parents provoking their children to anger, whether intentional or not, is common because we are sinners who are selfish and inconsistent. This book helped me to see the pitfalls in my own parenting, it revealed my lack of faithfulness, and so much more. This book should be on every Christian parents bookshelf. 👍🏻👏🏻
March 22, 2017
I didn't finish the book. I was hoping this book would help me with a difficult student. The book is primarily written for parents. Not many techniques I could glean from this book for my classroom. I did like the section about a child-centered home vs. a God-centered home. I also want to implement a new way for students to apologize to their classmates. I will have students confess their offense to the other student. Then they will ask for forgiveness. Last they will practice an appropriate response.
If you are a parent of an angry child, then you may find this book helpful.
If you are a parent of an angry child, then you may find this book helpful.
March 11, 2020
Excellent book. Read "Teach Them Diligently" first, but then this is a really good follow-up book that focuses specifically on helping children who struggle with anger. I thought that the sections on journaling and the appeal process were the most helpful.
One small caveat was that I thought there were some individual passages that Priolo misinterpreted. For instance, I don't think "root of bitterness" in Hebrews 12:15 is actually talking about bitterness per say. The idea is "a bitter root." That said, most of his interpretations are spot on, as is his overall theology.
One small caveat was that I thought there were some individual passages that Priolo misinterpreted. For instance, I don't think "root of bitterness" in Hebrews 12:15 is actually talking about bitterness per say. The idea is "a bitter root." That said, most of his interpretations are spot on, as is his overall theology.
November 3, 2013
I had to rate this at only a 3 star because,after all, I have children. BTW: According to the cover of the book I have, it is foreword is by John McArthur,Jr. Jay E. Adams wrote the preface and you may recognize him as the "father" of nouthetic counseling. My counseling professor was not the only one who had difficulties with Jay Adams.
http://www.rapidnet.com/~jbeard/bdm/P...
http://www.rapidnet.com/~jbeard/bdm/P...
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