Wet Bones

by Wol-vriey

Evil everyday awaits,
And it tampers with our fate.

Greg is about learning the hard way that you don't mess with Aunt Grace.

Evil comes in different guises,
It has many forms and sizes.

Nine completely fleshless skeletons recovered in the Massachusetts woods. Two detectives on the trail of a horrible, hungry monster.

Evil loves the troubled soul,
Anguish and misery are its goal.

Broken-hearted Allie Jackson has a date with a creature from Hell.

Evil plays its little games,
Making humans shriek in pain.

Things are about to get well out of hand for everyone, and in horrifying, terrifying ways they don't expect.

Genres: Horror

355 pages, Kindle Edition

First published June 5, 2018

About the author

Wol-vriey writes eXXXtreme horror fiction, and also some surrealist stuff.

To date, he has published over forty novels in both genres.

His horror novels include: EnterPAINment, LGBT, The Virgin, Marriage, Women, Nightmare Fuel 1 & 2, Haunted House XXX 1 & 2, and How To Succeed in Life.

On the surrealist side of things, he is the author of Vegan Zombie Apocalypse, Vegan Vampire Vaginas, Vagina Mundi, and the disturbing and unsettling Dr. Orgasm.

Reviews

[Janie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is full of monsters. Don't consider that a spoiler. Many of the monsters are human. The innocent (and not so innocent) fall prey to some wickedly self-serving people. Some victims are returned as lifeless skeletons covered in corrosive slime. Others are caught on camera in some very unconventional positions. There are many characters to follow, most of them ready to mingle in some unorthodox ways. There is not a boring moment in this sometimes over the top tale of greed, odd worship and possessive relatives. Perhaps there was too much to follow in this story, which branched out on numerous paths. Suspension of disbelief did not always work for me here, but I still enjoyed the plot twists, back stabbing and corrosive elements that splattered the pages red. And other colors.

3.5 severed pinkie toes for this one.

[Morgan Tanner · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wet Bones, at its core, is the tale of a mass murder investigation by two dumbfounded cops with no leads or ideas what in the hell has been happening. The murders surely cannot have been committed by anything of this world, though. There's definitely some dark magic afoot.

Full skeletons have been discovered in the woods, completely stripped of all flesh, but appearing as fresh as the day they were killed. The reason for this exquisite preserving is the strange slime that coats the bones (makes them wet, see?)

Yes, there's human sacrifice going on here. A coven of Satanic witches are offering people as food to a monster. Well when I say monster, I really mean an evil, malevolent giant worm from the pits of Hell. This worm digests humans whole with its slimy gastro-juices before vomiting them back out again as a complete skeleton. This feeding mechanism would make eating chicken wings a lot easier.

So a horror-thriller tale of two cops investigating these strange murders would be interesting enough on its own. But no, there's so much more going on in this story.

And this is what made the book so enjoyable for me. One of the cops is a lady with a penis. The other is a member of a 'smoothie club' where a group of people from differing social circles meet every month to share recipes and taste each others creations. This club is led by the insane bitch, Grace.

Grace's nephew (or is he her son?), Greg is a good kid who just wants a good life. And he's doing pretty well; he's got a decent job and a great girlfriend; things are really looking up for him. But Greg is forced to live with his Aunt Grace and although reluctant (she's an insane bitch, remember), he does stand to inherit her fortune one day. So making the odd smoothie for his mom's demented sister doesn't seem too much of a bad gig, all told.

That is until one seemingly small act pulls Greg's world apart. After Grace screams at him then kicks him up the arse for nothing in particular, he decides to make her one smoothie she'll never forget. This smoothie contains a secret ingredient; Greg's very own jerk-off juice.

Things backfire. Massively. But I'm not going to say too much about this.

At the start of the book we are introduced to a lot of seemingly unrelated characters. A harsh critic may say that the first few chapters are info-dumps about various characters' back stories. And that's kind of true, but these backstories are fun, and do what they're supposed to do – get you to understand the characters.

As the plot moves on we see that these characters' lives have more in common than it initially seemed. And it all revolves pretty much around the infamous smoothie club.

With this many subplots going on it may have been easy for the author to lose sight of the eventual goal, or confuse the reader with so much plot-hopping. But that really doesn't happen. Each storyline comes to a satisfying conclusion. And yes, the case is eventually solved.

Now you may have got this far and are thinking 'yeah, this sounds pretty good, I might check it out.' And you should do. But first, here comes the warning.

There's a lot of sex in this book. Some of it is pretty hardcore, some of it's funny, while the rest of it is some sick, sick shit (and those are the perfect words to describe it). Plenty of semen is spilled, much of it into the aforementioned smoothies. There's also the most comical rape scene I've ever read. I know that's quite a strange sentence to include in a review but don't get me wrong, it's bordering on the absurd and works well within the story.

Then there's some pretty gruesome violence and horrible, evil characters. The two mob henchmen (henchpeople) Black and White are two depraved and sadistic bastards. These two you certainly don't want to get on the wrong side of. I'm curling my toes thinking about them as I write this now.

This is certainly not a book to read to your kids before bed. In fact, even explaining some scenes to friends had them almost gagging. But although it's chock full of 'ewww' moments, there's a great sense of humour throughout that prevents everything getting too dark and depressingly awful.

So if you've already eaten and are the lookout for something gross and unbelievable, while at the same time being kinda strangely believable, this one is definitely worth checking out. Wol-vriey has the mind of sick, deranged man and that is a truly great thing. And to think, he looks like such a sweet dude on his author pic. Don't be fooled!

So check this one out, but don't blame me if your digesting dinner ends up on your lap. You'll never look at a smoothie the same way.

[Peter · Rating 4 out of 5]

First I want to state that I got this book as a review copy. The author comes up with a book that reminded me a bit on the movie Sin City. Threatening locations and a wild variety of different characters. Greg and his special flavoured Smoothies (brillant idea), Anderson & Futana (two cops, one of them with a let's say modern sex), two gangsters, one of them having intercourse with the wife of his boss, Allie a former NASCAR-driver and an absulutely eerie monster that regularly is feed with human bodies (reminded me a bit on Jeepers Creepers). You come quickly into the story and eagerly want to know what's going on. Especially the first part of the book is very tight and exciting. Then you're getting a bit sidetracked though and the author overemphasizes (in my opinion) sexual aspects and different forms of sexual intercourses. You could say its a bit fucking longwinded then. He's an excellent story teller and I would have preferred if he had sticked to non-sexual action and solving the different conflicts in his novel. It's a very fresh and thrilling read. A mixture between Charles Bukowski meets Henry Miller meets Edward Lee. You should take on the experience!

[Sara Tantlinger · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5/5

Wet Bones is a gritty tale that takes the taboo and warps it into something even more twisted. Between the sex, violence, and mystery is a surprisingly well-written sense of humor that really helps propel the novel along. I enjoyed the diverse cast of characters and thought each personality was written in a defined, interesting way, but the constant head-hopping and stereotypes of the characters, especially the women, did make the plot difficult to get through at times for me. I think readers of a lot of horror will see some too-familiar tropes here, but if you're just breaking into the world of horror/erotic horror, give this one a try.

[Elke · Rating 2 out of 5]

When I received a free copy of this book (thanks to the author!) and read the summary, I was anxious to dig in and read a horror thriller. What I received was a hodgepodge of horror, thriller and sex. Sadly, the emphasis was on sex in all kinds of weird, sick, gross, even comical varieties. Every character seemed to have a different strange sexual predilection. But instead of adding a bit of originality to the story, it totally overpowered and crushed it - so much so that at some point I started to find it boring to read of yet another quirky sexual encounter. I was disappointed by the minimal number of pages dedicated to the horror/thriller story about the gruesome murders I expected to be the main plot. More than once I was tempted to skip a chapter in order to cull out the bits and pieces concerning the murder investigation. And while the 'action' parts (of whatever sick and gory kind) were well-written in a very graphic way, the dialogues seemed rather simple and pale in comparison.

Maybe I was misled by false expectations, assuming the book to be different from what it is. Personally, I just found that it was not after my fancy.

[Pamela · Rating 3 out of 5]

First off, this is definitely a book of a certain sort, it's dark, violently gross and occasionally explicitly sexual with a focus on kink. If that's your bag, then enjoy. While none of that bothered me, it wasn't really to my taste. The story itself was interesting enough to keep me reading though if I'm being honest I was frustrated with several unresolved incidents near the end. There was a nice diverse slate of characters, but many were underdeveloped and a few made strange choices that didn't seem to fit. Personally, I like my horror a little more unnerving and gruesome, and a little less focused on pushing taboos.

[Luis&minxy Rodriguez · Rating 4 out of 5]

Supernatural sex and rock and roll lol

Honestly this book has to be up there with books such as Clive Barker's The Hell Bound Heart and Joyce Carol Oates Zombie.
It definitely had its moments were certain characters got their just dessert.
But left questions as to what ever happened to Marco's wife Petra after what Black and White made her do? Is there a sequel to this book? Other then that issue I loved it.
I do recommend this book, only if your a gore hound and a true lover of horror! 4/5 stars for me.

[Lisa Lee · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wet Bones is pure graphic horror entertainment!

The writing is clever and brazen both in content and style. Wol-vriey uses an excellent narrative voice that varies with the content. It comes across more like an actual storyteller than a writer. In some places it flows smoothly, almost prosy, then drops sudden graphic word bombs that create a fun shock effect. I cringed, I laughed out loud, I fought to keep my lunch down. It is a truly fun ride.

In addition to the skillful writing, this full-length novel has an incredibly diverse set of characters for your reading enjoyment. It’s a shocking mix of mobsters, divas, rockers, business professionals, Satan worshipers, and even a Lovecraftian demon! But do not be fooled by any initial impression of stereotypes; not everyone is who or what they seem. DO wonder at the diverse character stories because they come together in fun and horrifying ways.

Wet Bones has a wonderfully wild mix of things going on, all brilliantly woven together. It is an incredible fun read for the daring horror story aficionado.

Now for the obligatory warning:
Graphic and Extreme content and language, including violence and sex!
If such things are not for you, then this is not a story you want to delve into. Additionally, I would like to add that Wol-vriey brazenly includes people and sex that reflects alternative lifestyles. However, it his done with a finesse that emphasizes that the alternative lifestyle subjects are not negative in and of themselves, they are simply part of the story.

A 5 star review for this shelf worthy fun and bold novel!

[Tessa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Oh wow what a read. This book is really filled with graphic scenes as promised, probably not suitable for the faint hearted. But if you are a hardcore horror fan, this book is definitely not to be missed for your horror fix.
During the first part of the book, I was actually confused by the many characters introduced so early into the book. It was hard to keep track who was who. It only got better later on when the author spent time developing the characters, and you soon realize that it was a small town and everyone was linked to each other somehow.
I absolutely love the sick, dark humor in this book. I caught myself grinning at many parts throughout. Dont know if the humor was intentional or if I am a little psychotic myself, but all I can say is I was pleasantly surprised by the entertainment value from the out of world events happening in the storyline. I especially loved reading about Greg's misfortune.
Dont try to make sense of the book though, as some parts just doesnt seem to add up for me, like how Anderson and Futana, being top notched policemen, should have staked out the whole barn after Brian McArthur's escape instead of walking off.
This book is best enjoyed with an open mind. I am honestly surprised by how much I enjoyed it.
Having read many horror books, and I will say that though this hit the gore meter for me, it was still less gory than others (I personally dig detailed descriptions of the victim's reaction to pain). However, this book more than made up for it with the intense, psychotic events, a refreshing change from other horror books.
The writing style is also unexpectedly impressive, where the words flow smoothly to weave a story.

*I was given a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review*

[Shannon Gardner · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of my favorite independent authors writing out there today. He has written some pretty scary shit. When Goodreads says he writes “horror fiction for adults” they mean ADULTS. His latest book “Wet Bones” is one of those books. Awesomeness all the way through. This has been a fun book to read. You try to get ahead of the author, see where he is coming from, then bang!! He puts twists and turns in that you absolutely don’t see coming. He also links these characters in some amazing ways that you won’t see coming either. The monsters in this book both human and not human are scary as hell. Add in some Satanic worshipping and you truly have a cool read.

The 3 sisters and their 2 boyfriends rock, and I mean that literally. They have a metal rock band with a great name. I think they would be a blast to see live. I love the way these characters are built up throughout the story. You learn one odd or funky personality trait, then a brand new odd or funky one springs up. You get to know these sister’s better and better. Their Dad is also thrown into this mix with a pretty cool job. The way this author writes, tells me he loves his characters. He does amazingly well describing each character and really does an fantastic job on fleshing each one of them out, and then adding fantastic backgrounds for all. Remember, this is an adult book!! One chapter was difficult to get through, but keep at it. The story goes on, so stick it out. There is one more section that is very, very, unappetizing, you’ll know when you get there. But work your way through that one too. It all becomes clear soon. I can see continuation books from this material in the future.

[Nicole · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ruthless Mobsters, crazy cultists and a demonic hell worm, oh my!
Poor Greg can't catch a break. All the women in his life are batsh*t you see. From his own mother, who sells him to his her sister to the bird obsessed girl next door/girlfriend who can't get down without incorporating her love of birds into the act..
Although this is only book number five that I've read, this author quickly became one of those whom I MUST one-click when I see any new release. I can always count on a story that's equal parts disgusting and laugh out loud funny so you find yourself in the very awkward position of deciding to fill everyone in on the random groans or giggling.
This next part is..I'm struggling with just how to say it, so bear with me here. I want to say that his writing has improved but that gives the impression that it needs or needed improvement. That's so far from the case. I can't say that he's got more serious either...or if I did I'd have to add the caveat that the author has gotten about as serious as one can when writing about hell worms, semen obsessed aunts and fecal obsessed Asian hotties. Haha yeah, so that doesn't really work either. I suppose if I had the words, I'd be a writer myself. I guess if absolutely forced to put it into words I'd say that with each book there seems to be more substance and more fleshed out characters. I personally really enjoyed the crime/ detective aspect to this story.

[Raymond · Rating 3 out of 5]

while reading the book, it struck me it was very much along the lines of Pulp Fiction meets Dusk Till Dawn meets Miami Vice meets the Crying Game.
Did i enjoy the book yes. did it keep my hanging on to every page no, in fact i had put it down a number of times, sadly not through shock or disgust but frustration, but somthing always made me pick it up to finish it and i am glad i did.
I believe one review has already said the book is full of monsters the worst of them being the human kind.
Some of the books characters are very like able, Black and White, insane and plain brutal and Then Anderson & Futana, a trans Gender Moulder and Scully. However what didn't stick with me was the Smoothie Club and Grace. and for me it was when the book centred round this and Graces addiction to Greg's special smoothies. it was almost along the lines of if you took these out of the book nothing would change slimier to Indian Jones and raiders of the lost Ark.
Wet Bones is a good read and in some places very funny and shockingly gruesome as well as explicitly sexual with more than a touch of perverse.
i look forward to reading more from the author

[Sharon Leung · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great read

Another great read. Extreme and full of blood gore and adult only themes. Good long story that you can get your teeth into. Plenty of good characters no real main character as there is a few which keeps it interesting. Loads of twists throughout some you don't have a clue about and come as a bit of a shock. But an excellent good long read. The violence and gore is up there and has you cringing and wanting to skip past but you can as it keeps you reading and squirming at the very thought of the actions. There a few that come to mind but I won't spoil it for ypu. But you will know then when you read them. Would I recommend? Yes but only to those without a weak tummy or easily offended.

[Jesse Bollinger · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is one of the strangest novels I’ve ever read. It really reminds me of a Troma movie in book form. You have it all in this novel. A demon worm, tons and I mean tons of sex, cannibalism, fetishes, cults, The mafia and so much more. I really enjoyed this book. I liked how all the characters stories eventually came together. There wasn’t one point of view character I wasn’t interested in. I really love the way the story was laid out. How it kind of started small and then the steaks got higher and higher. I would definitely read another book written by this author again. Once I started, I couldn’t put it down.

[Ana · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Wet Bones

The Creative mind of Wol-Vriey stains the pages of his surreal book, The Wet Bones, with splashes of sexual smoothie fetishes, defining moments of deification and of course what would a novel be without satanic worm worshipping. A perfect mixture of morbid character building and descriptive sexuality makes this a reading experience one will not soon forget. So in conclusion contact your local abyss members, grab a tall fruit smoothie, and enjoy this ritualistic page turner.

[April Taylor · Rating 5 out of 5]

Creepy, bizarre, a bit gross, and darkly funny; all the hallmarks of a Wol-vriey book! Hurrah!

Aunt Grace is perhaps the creepiest version of an Aunt you could ever want to meet. (Shudders). But then, her nephew is a bit "in the head" himself.

The cop duo are a brilliant pairing.

Another smasher that you just can't pass up!

[Linda Strickland · Rating 5 out of 5]

A real warped book, but I lived it!