Pissed Off: On Women and Anger

by Spike Gillespie

Often accused of being overly emotional and mad, Spike Gillespie offers up a lifetime's worth of anger that all women can relate to.  Two parts anger and one part forgiveness, Pissed Off is a book about Gillespie's lifetime of anger and the inevitable fallouts that ensued, which she uses, along with other women's stories, to describe the positive and negative influences of anger in women's lives. Gillespie's portraits depict anger that stems from interpersonal relationships toward coworkers, offspring, parents, and strangers. Her stories and observations are simultaneously funny and wrenching, providing the backdrop for universal experiences that range from irritation to fury. Gillespie is opposed to the notion that women must quell their anger rather than examine it. Her message is that anger is a destructive force for those who allow it to consume them, but that anger can also be a useful catalyst. Her observations of forgiveness are about releasing that anger when its usefulness has faded, finding balance, and unlearning habitual anger.  She has learned that one cannot simultaneously prevent and prepare for war, and that finding balance and happiness is about forgiving others their transgressions and making space to move on.

Genres: Nonfiction, Feminism, Womens

225 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2006

Reviews

[Bob Prophet · Rating 2 out of 5]

Read halfway through before abandoning this book. The authors anger dripped from every page and struck me as knee-jerk reactionary, spiteful, and ultimately unproductive in that in 40+ years time the author hasn't seemed to make much progress in dealing with the frustrations of her childhood. While I sympathize with her and too come from a rough upbringing, Spike appears caught up in lamenting that her imagined ideal was never recognized. What strikes me as selfish is she seems oblivious to the damage she inflicts upon her own son, blaming away her poor parenting as a result of receiving poor parenting rather than finding a way to keep history from repeating. It all seems so counter-productive and senseless, crying over spilt milk that can't be changed, angry at life for not experiencing the "greener grass" she jealously perceives others as enjoying.

And perhaps other reviewers are accurate in claiming that one's reaction to Spike's books is more of a reflection of one's own inner turmoil and outlook, but I'm not interested in simply spewing aggression to spread the anger around and amuse oneself. Apparently I failed to grasp her point. Life sucked. Okay. It can do that. But how is the author improving the situation other than capitalizing on her resentment by writing accounts detailing just how pissed off she is?

Some of the contributing writers' stories were worthwhile, but overall I found this book aggravatingly shallow and selfish. Surely this wasn't the author's intention, but it's how it strikes me.

[Douglas Lord · Rating 5 out of 5]

I initially picked this up for the cover, which shows a woman flipping a vicious bird. I thought my wife would find it funny because she, like most wives, can get a little pissed off about things (read: husbands) from time to time. Upon reading it, though, the book turned out to be pretty remarkable. Gillespie (All the Wrong Men and One Perfect Boy: A Memoir) writes from her heart in a folksy style connecting with readers on a personal level. Her stories of anger, wrath, resentment, and near-crazy rage mixed with entries from guest contributors can be long, but the real emphasis is on the genesis of the emotions, what to do with them and—importantly—how to move past their damaging aspects. Few self-help books are as impactful as Gillespie’s first two pages, which describe some emotional roots—she’s a little kid and spills a bucket of ocean water on a blanket while at the beach. And though it’s easy to make light (see no further than Louis CK’s "Why" routine), parents routinely lose it over any of a bajillion tiny things, possibly hurting their kids in the process. After the yelling stops, Gillespie was left with the sense “that this man is a terrifying brute who can rule me by force, and that I have no choice but to obey.” Flash forward to other vulnerable moments: teenaged Gillespie is stranded with a dead car, or needs to abort a stressful family visit, or has a hilariously misguided feud with author Dave Eggers: she returns to patterns learned on that beach. Her anger leads her to respond “to any crisis, large or small, with anxiety, hysteria, and drama. Calm isn’t part of my repertoire. Problem solving eludes me.” Its antidote, forgiveness, is far from playing nice—it’s about looking out for No. 1 so you can move past that shit. Powerful stuff. Gillespie is a good teacher whose warts-and-all anger confessionals reveal an author unafraid to expose the worst in herself as exemplar. VERDICT Invaluable.

Find reviews of books for men at Books for Dudes, Books for Dudes, the online reader's advisory column for men from Library Journal. Copyright Library Journal.

[Kelly · Rating 2 out of 5]

I made it through more than 75% of the book; kept renewing it over and over because it was such slow going. I kept waiting for the forgiveness part, the "how to" part, but I never found it. In all fairness, maybe it was in the last 35 pages or so. Like others who commented, I found this to be an ongoing list if things the author is mad at. Some of her accounts of her behavior are pretty appalling, although I could identify with some of that anguish in myself from when I was a teen and early twenties. At the end of chapters there would be a "but I'm making progress" or a " but it is getting better" statement. I never saw the progress though. I found the other author essays to be more interesting and enlightening. I considered that perhaps I didn't like this book so much because it hit too close to home, but don't think that is it. I have my own journey of anger and I am looking for answers and ways to calm myself. This book helped in the sense that I feel a lot better about my own progress! I wish her the best though, and hope she has found some answers and can let the rest go.

[Barbara · Rating 2 out of 5]

Spike Gillespie is "often accused of being overly emotional and mad," the back cover blurb tells me, and I believe it. Much of her anger is directed towards her seemingly uncaring family, but a good portion of it should be directed at herself for making stupid decisions and then becoming upset when things don't go her way. She does, however, seem to learn from some of her mistakes and encourages others to do the same. She also presents essays from other women who've dealt with anger in one form or another.

[Catherine Handler · Rating 4 out of 5]

The subtitle of this book is actually "finding forgiveness on the other side of the finger". I was looking for something about anger management (getting angry at work was not accomplishing anything) and this book caught my eye. I found this book insightful with some good tips on how to redirect anger.

[karen · Rating 4 out of 5]

i quite liked this book. i really enjoyed how gillespie's own experiences were a thread running through the book, while other women's contributions echoed or differed from hers. i think this book is basically essential reading if you're in therapy and trying to work through some difficult anger issues. fantastic.

[Patti M. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Angry, bitchy and proud. I devoured this book within a few days, enjoying this (unfortunately relatable) collection of essays by women walking the line between resentment, anger and self respect. For me, this was 256 pages of validation of the rampant, misunderstood and downright angry voice living in my head. Worth a read.

[Rory · Rating 3 out of 5]

like any university-press-published anthology of random people's essays, this was an uneven offering. i didn't finish it (i wish goodreads had a little box i could check for every book i didn't really read completely).

[Corrina Karch · Rating 1 out of 5]

Okay, I just wanted to add this one, because, look at the cover! Who wouldn't want to read that! I had high hopes, but was disappointed. However, there is a piece about why she hates Dave Eggers, and that totally redeems her.

[Jessica · Rating 2 out of 5]

It was entertaining to read but more like listening to a gabby friend tell life stories than about addressing the anger in a focused way. Here and there coping mechanisms are interspersed along with other women writers' stories..

[Devo · Rating 3 out of 5]

Never finished this, so I didn't get to the part about forgiveness. I did think the author's style was witty, however, and may pick this up to finish later.

[Diane · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's not just cause I have an essay in here that I recommend this - Spike gets down and dirty about her anger. Lots of essays by other women too.

[Lesley]

I'm thinking she's for anger!

[Mia · Rating 3 out of 5]

it put my life in perspective. there were definitely parts that i related to

[Stacey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book - inspired me to be a calmer person. Makes me feel not alone.

[Grace · Rating 4 out of 5]

Spike speaks from the heart.