A Proper Woman: The story of one woman's struggle to live her dreams

by Thavry Thon, Peter Ford (Editor)

This is the true story of a young Cambodian woman who has challenged her country's social and cultural norms throughout her life and as a consequence has become an ambassador for female empowerment. Growing up on an island in the Bassac River, removed from many of the conveniences of modern life and surrounded by traditional customs and thought, Thavry's story is one of inspiration to females around the world. As Cambodia slowly recovers from the great turmoil and destruction of civil war and the Khmer Rouge, rural life largely returned to familiar, century-old ways. For women, this meant marrying young, bearing children and working on the family farm, with little say in anything. But with support from her parents, whose own childhood experiences had been greatly shaped by the four years of Khmer Rouge rule, Thavry was taught to value education as a means of breaking from the confines of the village and to forge her own independent future. Her inspiring story shows that encouraging young women to believe in their dreams - and supporting them to do so - can lead to a freedom to learn and grow unknown to earlier generations.

Genres: Asia, Nonfiction

220 pages, Paperback

Published January 16, 2017

Reviews

[Fadillah · Rating 4 out of 5]

“Men are traditionally compared to gold ; and as such when they get ‘dirty’ they can simply be washed clean. Women on the other hand are likened to sheets of white linen that once soiled can never be washed clean again… Maybe this is one reality of life for women in Cambodia”.
- A proper woman by Thavry Thon
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I concurred with Thavry when she said that “I know that there are many countries where the lives of women are worse than Cambodia but that still does not make it easy for us here in this male dominated society”. I felt the same way about Malaysia too. After done with the book, i have an inclination to say that the book should not have been titled as ‘A proper woman’. It should have been titled as ‘A badass woman’ especially Thavry’s mother. She wanted to study , go to school and become a teacher at the time girls were being discouraged to go to school as it was only for boys. Taking the country’s turmoil at that time - with the uprising of khmer rouge, followed by countless numbers of genocide and endless battle by Vietnamese forces until Pol Pot died eventually - Cambodia recovered very slowly from it. Thavry’s grandmother did not see the point of her daughter continuing her education and wanted her to quit. Her mother’s teacher intervene and she has been able to continue due to it. Unfortunately, dividing between the house chores, farming tasks and travel back and forth to go to school proven to be too much for Thavry’s mother. I wondered whether this is strategy of Thavry’s grandmother to stop her mom from studying. I could be wrong but from the list of the tasks she needs to do before going to school, not even an abled body male teenagers could do it without burning out at some point. After quitting school, Thavry’s mother continued working and doing house chores while her brothers happily going to school on the expense of her ambition. Thavry’s father then asked for her mother’s hand and they got married. This is where Thavry story started as her mother wanted her children to continue what she cannot do. She wanted them to succeed - to use education as a stepping stone to do better, to exit from the poverty that they are currently in. Note that while Thavry knew they are poor, she was happy. She helped her parents sell things, she is resourceful and try to make money so that she could contribute as well. She knew that money will be useful for her education fund. She is independent girl and her parents never stopped her in pursuing what she wanted to do. Thavrry was selected for a Czech republic scholarship and went there to study. She then travelled to many countries and decided to join many community programs so that she could contribute back to Cambodia. She knew changes are now underway for gender equality in her country and hoping that her book will inspire many more girls to dream big for themselves. Overall, an inspiring journey. It can be quite repetitive at some parts but it doesn’t bother me much. I would recommend this book if you wanted to read any memoir from Cambodian post Khmer Rouge.

[Sopheak Hoeun · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such an amazing book to read. It shows you a different perspective of Cambodian people, especially the younger Cambodian generations. She is very good at addressing such a big issue, gender inequality in Cambodian society, in such a light, easy to get king of way. As a country with low readership like Cambodia, partly due to limited resources, I totally recommend this book for Cambodian girls and boys, woman and men to read. It’s just great!

[Sopha · Rating 4 out of 5]

I've heard of Thavry's good works from a mutual friend of ours, and I'm pleased that the book is finally available on kindle! Wanted to read this long ago but it's rather tricky not living in Cambodia.
Anyway, I enjoyed reading the book. I do not share the same challenges in getting education, but I am with her 100% on the norms and expectations from women in general! I hope things will improve in the near future.

[Paolo Aguas · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is a very short read (it’s a small book and it is double spaced) and I felt that this book is a good start for the author. What I like about this book is she writes about her experiences, her mother’s experiences as well as her father’s and that gives you an idea on why they were very supportive of her when it came to education and living her best life.

This book taught me a few lessons that I didn’t know, like I wasn’t aware that there was this huge bias towards men over women or how because of what Pol Pot did, if a student graduates from Grade 7 they can take a test to become a teacher already (maybe this was only for rural Kampuchea) but this just shows the struggles that this beautiful country and its people have gone through.

I wish this book could have been deeper because it honestly feels like a lot of essays put together to make a book but again this is a good start for Thavry Thon, just one nitpick the editing for the book isn’t so good in terms of the wrong grammars and very few wrong spellings, but generally speaking I enjoyed this book very much and I cannot wait to read more in depth books about her travels and lessons that she learned along the way.

[Brooke · Rating 5 out of 5]

I met Thavry at a book fair in Phnom Penh a couple months ago. I was already familiar with her book but hadn’t read it. After chatting with her and learning a bit about her, I bought the book and am so impressed with her and her desire, motivation and enthusiasm in helping young Khmer women gain equal footing in Cambodian society through education. Having tutored many university-aged Khmer women striving to get an education and learning about all the challenges they face, this book was a breath of fresh air.

[Huyly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Being a Cambodian lady, I agreed in what Thavry have written in the book. Growing up under a pressurized society norms making me less confident in communicating in others and hating myself to born as a girl. Living in a society with girls have unequal rights compared to boys encouraged me to study hard, fight for my rights and to show everyone that i am capable in doing what boys can. "He can, I can!".

[Rebecca · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is an autobiography written in the style of a number of small essays. Each chapter covering a new topic.
It is a good book to use as an conversation opener about women’s issues in Cambodia. However, I felt it lacked depth and really did not explore solutions to the problems (other than women and men need to accept the importance of equality.)

[Ana Luiza Furtado · Rating 2 out of 5]

A história dela é muito interessante, mas infelizmente o livro é super superficial, cheio de discursos clichês e sem se aprofundar nas vivências dela, o que seria muito legal (seria uma versão cambojana de "Educated").
Passei a leitura inteira sofrendo pensando "esse livro poderia ser tão bom mas não é".

[Claire Bennett · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thavry is a brave, inspirational, motivated young woman, striving to beat the odds in a patriarchal country (indeed - world!) She relays engaging and instructive stories from her life as a way to inspire other young girls to work hard and fight against prejudice in order to achieve their dreams.

[Jforjunnydy]

Highly recommend

[Arshey · Rating 2 out of 5]

Many had recommended me to read this book as a Cambodian.
I understand that the author is trying to inspire people to break the social norm, especially regards the issue of equality. But I felt as though the author had crossed the line between reminding and repeating. The same message of "following your dream" and "continue your education" had been repeatedly raised throughout the book. In fact, in similar words choice that it makes the journey of reading this book like a loop. I found myself able to predict comes next.
I hate to say this, but I do not find this repetition inspiring at all.

[Dalis · Rating 3 out of 5]

“A Proper Woman” shines through when Thon discusses her coming of age as a woman from an impoverished family in Cambodia, a relevant, yet severely underexplored topic. However, as Thon develops her story, the book’s emotional impact is lost with vapid affirmations and repetitions of how “women are equal” and “we are independent”, reminiscent of the plethora of self-help books that have hit the market. I think it was a huge waste of opportunity that Thon never delves deeper into the root of such entrenched gender norms in Khmer society.

[Piseth Lim · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you for this heartfelt and inspiring book. Reading your story encouraged and motivated me to learn more about women and to stand with them for the equal rights in our country. Without this hopeful and detailed book, I might still not understand how hard women strive for education in Cambodia and how hard it was standing against the social norm, and the expectation of the society as a woman. Thanks for your hard work.

[Jane Griffiths · Rating 2 out of 5]

A very interesting story: the life of a Cambodian woman. I congratulate her on writing it. She has a lot to say about the expectations of Cambodian woman, and how she needed the support of her parents to break free of at least some of them - like an arranged marriage. She wrote it in English, and the editing leaves plenty to be desired. Next time hire a professional.

[Brooke · Rating 4 out of 5]

Having just spent 10 days with Thavry on a tour not long ago I already thought she was an incredible woman but after reading her book I am so much more thankful for getting the chance to meet her and see with my own eyes how much she has already done through her education and challenging the Cambodian cultural norms that she writes about in this book. Her story is so inspirational and after finishing it a minute ago I am all revved up to go out into the world and do my bit for the girls who have to fight for a better life.

I have been passionate about girls rights, education and trafficking prevention for a long time but never knew what to do about it. Luckily in the last few years and especially on my trip with Thavry I have come across many ways I can help others. Aside from that it also reminds me that some of these lessons still apply to me. I may get free education in Australia but I am still challenged by beauty ideals etc in society. So reading Thavry’s book also reminded me that being smart and studious or active (which I’m not but other girls I know are) isn’t unattractive or masculine, but something that if we love we should embrace.

Being so busy on our tour I only had time to read her book when I got back to Australia, which I’m very disappointed about as I would’ve loved to ask more questions and chat to her about parts of her life/book. I really truly hope we meet again as Thavry has definitely become a role model for me and I hope to be apart of helping other girls in similar situations as the girls she talks about recognise their potential and strive for bigger things that just marriage, children and labour work.

I’m also just about to make a donation so that more people in Cambodia can have the chance to read Thavry’s book - because change is not always created through giving people food, clothing or money, sometimes it’s about igniting a spark in them that will motivate them to work towards their dreams as Thavry has done.