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Emotional intelligence affects every aspect of the way we live, from romantic to professional relationships, from our inner resilience to our social success. It is the ultimate soft skill of the twenty-first century.
Drawing on his work in the hugely successful School of Life organisation, Alain de Botton presents a compendium of emotional intelligence. Using his trademark mixture of analysis, anecdote, insight and practical wisdom, he considers how we interact with each and with ourselves, and how we can do so better.
From the reigning master of popular philosophy, this is an essential look at the skill set that defines our modern lives.
Drawing on his work in the hugely successful School of Life organisation, Alain de Botton presents a compendium of emotional intelligence. Using his trademark mixture of analysis, anecdote, insight and practical wisdom, he considers how we interact with each and with ourselves, and how we can do so better.
From the reigning master of popular philosophy, this is an essential look at the skill set that defines our modern lives.
Paperback
First published September 1, 2012
385 people are currently reading
6571 people want to read
About the author
Alain de Botton
166 books15.4k followersAlain de Botton is a writer and television producer who lives in London and aims to make philosophy relevant to everyday life. He can be contacted by email directly via www.alaindebotton.com
He is a writer of essayistic books, which refer both to his own experiences and ideas- and those of artists, philosophers and thinkers. It's a style of writing that has been termed a 'philosophy of everyday life.'
His first book, Essays in Love [titled On Love in the US], minutely analysed the process of falling in and out of love. The style of the book was unusual, because it mixed elements of a novel together with reflections and analyses normally found in a piece of non-fiction. It's a book of which many readers are still fondest.
Bibliography:
* Essays In Love (1993)
* The Romantic Movement (1994)
* Kiss and Tell (1995)
* How Proust Can Change Your Life (1997)
* The Consolations of Philosophy (2000)
* The Art of Travel (2002)
* Status Anxiety (2004)
* The Architecture of Happiness (2006)
* The Pleasures and Sorrows of Work (2009)
He is a writer of essayistic books, which refer both to his own experiences and ideas- and those of artists, philosophers and thinkers. It's a style of writing that has been termed a 'philosophy of everyday life.'
His first book, Essays in Love [titled On Love in the US], minutely analysed the process of falling in and out of love. The style of the book was unusual, because it mixed elements of a novel together with reflections and analyses normally found in a piece of non-fiction. It's a book of which many readers are still fondest.
Bibliography:
* Essays In Love (1993)
* The Romantic Movement (1994)
* Kiss and Tell (1995)
* How Proust Can Change Your Life (1997)
* The Consolations of Philosophy (2000)
* The Art of Travel (2002)
* Status Anxiety (2004)
* The Architecture of Happiness (2006)
* The Pleasures and Sorrows of Work (2009)
Ratings & Reviews
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 132 reviews
March 15, 2017
Optimists beware! Teens and twenties may not sympathize with any of the conflicts and feelings presented. And that's okay. It might take years before you regret choices in career, partner or school. The school of life has a pessimistic view. Regret is normal. Mistakes are what we are. Everyone has unrealistic expectations. There is no "living your best life." Only "coming to terms" with reality.
June 26, 2020
Wish I read it sooner but, probably, read it at the right time.
May 23, 2025
Without going too much into it, I think it was an absolutely marvellous read. While at times it may have been a bit repetitive, that’s only because the very nature of good advice needs to put emphasis on making sure your point comes across.
I think there is a plethora of good advice in this book, all of it well thought out and with only one specific goal - to help you help yourself. There have been quite a few eye openers for me, in every section of the book there was at least a paragraph or a section that I wholeheartedly agreed with - or even better, learned where I did something wrong in my past and present. It is a splendid introduction into a whole world of self-care advice, but it’s also a solid point of return. I for myself will probably read this book again and get a physical copy for my shelf, and I can’t wait to read more from Alain de Button.
I think there is a plethora of good advice in this book, all of it well thought out and with only one specific goal - to help you help yourself. There have been quite a few eye openers for me, in every section of the book there was at least a paragraph or a section that I wholeheartedly agreed with - or even better, learned where I did something wrong in my past and present. It is a splendid introduction into a whole world of self-care advice, but it’s also a solid point of return. I for myself will probably read this book again and get a physical copy for my shelf, and I can’t wait to read more from Alain de Button.
August 13, 2021
A lovely short book o consider as an introduction to the school of life's bibliography - giving a good overview of the topics that should be taught but are not, the reason for teaching, the formation of a society, beliefs, customs and much more. Very insightful and will want to read more.
December 8, 2020
One sentence rattled around my brain as I read the book. “Give yourself a break.” The authors - although I could only hear De Botton’s lovely voice in my head - argue for a cultivation of emotional intelligence - and in doing so, giving ourselves the freedom to accept our failures as universal. The chapter on childhood particularly resonated - how can any of us escape that realm unscathed? We simply didn’t have the mental tools not be hurt by something or someone at some point. And those hurts trail is into adulthood, very often going unrecognized or unacknowledged. You come away feeling liberated that what may seem like petty emotions we should have outgrown, are actually endemic to us all.
Anyway, a hopeful, realistic, pragmatic book. All of a one with The School of Life project.
Anyway, a hopeful, realistic, pragmatic book. All of a one with The School of Life project.
April 1, 2021
I’ve decided to make this a daily devotional - present on my side table for a few pages of rereading every day. How much better of a world we would live in if this book was required reading in High School? Why don’t we learn about Emotions as we do Science and Math? If you’re looking for a sign to read this book, just do it. Take your time, digest, feel less alone. As one reviewer commented, optimists beware - but not too much so, as ironically, you’ll still leave this book feeling hopeful.
Want to read
December 16, 2020This is much better than it sounds, but I'm also a sucker for Alaine de Botton, and love just about everything he's ever written. But seriously - this book is helpful. And kind of embarrassingly basic in some ways... I often find myself thinking "YES. YES NO ONE DID EVER TEACH US THAT." about, like, all of it.
April 24, 2022
جستارهای دوباتنی در مورد مسائل زندگی
Read
May 18, 2020What happens when you love Alain de Botton but are deeply mistrustful of anything from the self-help genre? The book stays unread by the bed for over a year.
Finally, I cracked the spine and find Alain's contribution is a sweet, funny read. The second part wasn't too bad. The third part didn't interest me at all.
4 stars for part 1, minus 1 star for part 2, minus 2 stars for part 3.
Finally, I cracked the spine and find Alain's contribution is a sweet, funny read. The second part wasn't too bad. The third part didn't interest me at all.
4 stars for part 1, minus 1 star for part 2, minus 2 stars for part 3.
June 4, 2019
Sollte man sich auch nur ein wenig dafür interessieren, wie es mit dem eigenen Leben so läuft und ob man daran etwas ändern kann oder überhaupt sollte, dem empfehle ich dringend diese sieben Essays im Schuber. Nicht jeder löst ein Problem, aber jeder liefert Denkansätze und ist bequem innerhalb einer Stunde lesbar. Das ist mein dem eigenen Leben schuldig.
April 27, 2022
كتاب ممتع به لمحات فلسفية ونفسية تتعلق بالسعي نحو فهم أفضل للحياة.
January 15, 2022
The school of (white male) life.
I absolutely, wholeheartedly, and at times exuberantly enjoyed so so much of this book. I felt held, seen, and supported, gently and warmly guided through so many dizzying human experiences that regularly cause much confusion and dread. The advice on love and marriage was some of the best I’ve read.
Unfortunately, there were also times I felt de Botton’s perspective and advice came from a place of extreme privilege and was frankly out of touch with the realities that many face. I am an educated and privileged white woman in America and much of this was perfect for me, albeit male (although not aggressively so). However, I work for and move in many underserved minority communities and much of this would not work for them at all. Not to mention much of the art, communities, histories referred to, photos, etc. were very Euro white. This was disappointing. At a certain point I also felt de Botton also only referenced white male painters, poets, authors, etc. If he did reference women or people of color at all, it was few and far between.
I do think he is gifted, but I would urge him to broaden his perspective. I wanted to love this but I couldn’t.
I absolutely, wholeheartedly, and at times exuberantly enjoyed so so much of this book. I felt held, seen, and supported, gently and warmly guided through so many dizzying human experiences that regularly cause much confusion and dread. The advice on love and marriage was some of the best I’ve read.
Unfortunately, there were also times I felt de Botton’s perspective and advice came from a place of extreme privilege and was frankly out of touch with the realities that many face. I am an educated and privileged white woman in America and much of this was perfect for me, albeit male (although not aggressively so). However, I work for and move in many underserved minority communities and much of this would not work for them at all. Not to mention much of the art, communities, histories referred to, photos, etc. were very Euro white. This was disappointing. At a certain point I also felt de Botton also only referenced white male painters, poets, authors, etc. If he did reference women or people of color at all, it was few and far between.
I do think he is gifted, but I would urge him to broaden his perspective. I wanted to love this but I couldn’t.
October 2, 2020
Quite a lofty ambition for a book to provide a guidebook to living. On the whole engaging but sometimes a bit trivialising. Enjoyed the idea that nagging is the worst way to get anyone to change their behaviour and should learn from the art of diplomacy to get people to do things they are not naturally inclined to do! Obviously true but perhaps misses the point that nagging is only partly about changing behaviour and otherwise about unburdening pent up stress.
October 16, 2020
An interesting book that is too top level to make any lasting change on the reader but clearly points to areas that require further thought and discussion.
It reads like a manifesto more than anything else that calls for a societal shift in adapting emotional intelligence for a 21st century developed service academy.
It reads like a manifesto more than anything else that calls for a societal shift in adapting emotional intelligence for a 21st century developed service academy.
February 26, 2021
The book is a compromise between philosophy and self improvement theories: it is accessible and quite interesting.
However the conceps are not digged enough, argumentation is poorly built and for some parts it just does not make sense.
I found it disappointing that not more references to famous philosophers who digged in some notions (Pascal -> friendship for instance) were not mentioned.
However the conceps are not digged enough, argumentation is poorly built and for some parts it just does not make sense.
I found it disappointing that not more references to famous philosophers who digged in some notions (Pascal -> friendship for instance) were not mentioned.
February 24, 2022
Probably Alain de Botton's finest work - Philosophy done practically (even more so than his consolations of philosophy). Favourite chapters were the ones on relationships and culture. He does a great job expelling the myths of romanticism, whilst pointing out meaningful changes we can all make in our outlook to lead more fulfilling lives.
November 3, 2022
Indeed School of Life!
It is a tough read and you keep wondering why this is not taught in school or at home. Some sections would need repetitive reading to comprehend fully, but well worth it.
It's the kind of book you should re-read every few years.
It is a tough read and you keep wondering why this is not taught in school or at home. Some sections would need repetitive reading to comprehend fully, but well worth it.
It's the kind of book you should re-read every few years.
February 17, 2021
I went to several events of The School of live and Alain de Botton is one of my favourite philosophers still alive. He and his team have a lovely approach to culture
April 24, 2024
Full of great insights. May read again sometime later.
May 29, 2020
I found the first, more emotionally focused, part of the book to be quite interesting, and in many places apt. My biggest critique, and complaint, arises through De Botton's discussion of work, and any subsequent conclusions drawn. Against his other publications, like Essays in Love, this text feels slightly rotten.
His historiography is largely incorrect - tracing the European Enlightenment as the sole turning point towards our current material prosperity - and then uses that to try and sell supply side ideology (along the lines of Aurelius' forced pessimism) and broad contentment. Moreover, the repeated assertion in the work component, drawing from a narrow array of sources, that economic cost derives from the cost of production conveniently avoided many artificially inflated costs (c.f. diamonds; or many professional services).
In discussions of industrialisation, it is difficult to imagine a macroeconomic assessment being at all "balanced" without reference to socialist thinkers - and not in straw manned ways. But there were only scant references to Marx, and almost no references of note to other thinkers.
The text conveniently naturalises the ability to dream of a better economic future, by guising any hopes for work being less dull behind a 'classical' v 'romantic' paradigm. While in many emotional senses this paradigm can be at least a novel method of self- and other-analysis, following on from the discussions of the economic is underhanded. It is not classically 'well balanced' to think of how much worse things could be, and use that as a comforting point. Given the emotional depth in the first two or three parts of the book, to then make platitudinous noises when discussing the gruelling and unsatisfying nature of work is out of character.
His historiography is largely incorrect - tracing the European Enlightenment as the sole turning point towards our current material prosperity - and then uses that to try and sell supply side ideology (along the lines of Aurelius' forced pessimism) and broad contentment. Moreover, the repeated assertion in the work component, drawing from a narrow array of sources, that economic cost derives from the cost of production conveniently avoided many artificially inflated costs (c.f. diamonds; or many professional services).
In discussions of industrialisation, it is difficult to imagine a macroeconomic assessment being at all "balanced" without reference to socialist thinkers - and not in straw manned ways. But there were only scant references to Marx, and almost no references of note to other thinkers.
The text conveniently naturalises the ability to dream of a better economic future, by guising any hopes for work being less dull behind a 'classical' v 'romantic' paradigm. While in many emotional senses this paradigm can be at least a novel method of self- and other-analysis, following on from the discussions of the economic is underhanded. It is not classically 'well balanced' to think of how much worse things could be, and use that as a comforting point. Given the emotional depth in the first two or three parts of the book, to then make platitudinous noises when discussing the gruelling and unsatisfying nature of work is out of character.
December 2, 2020
A heavy read, in terms of emotional handling as well as language, but recommend to be included in school curriculum. The title, School of Life, is so apt, because nobody teaches this, how to live life. A realistic (hence could be pessimistic for the overly optimistic) take on why most of us are emotionally challenged, and how a bit of acceptance and slight change in perspective can set a lot of things straight.
Mentally challenged that we all are, the book will help you accept that being insane is the normal thing. Human beings are emotionally fragile and full of anomalies and so are our societies. There are 5 types of emotions explored: self, other, relationship, work, culture.
However pessimistic the book may seem to be, it grounds you and gives you hope, which is based on reality. It will help you identify why you have certain fears and insecurities, and to deal with those head on.
This is a book to be read with lot of patience and space. Reflection will help take the most out of it.
Mentally challenged that we all are, the book will help you accept that being insane is the normal thing. Human beings are emotionally fragile and full of anomalies and so are our societies. There are 5 types of emotions explored: self, other, relationship, work, culture.
However pessimistic the book may seem to be, it grounds you and gives you hope, which is based on reality. It will help you identify why you have certain fears and insecurities, and to deal with those head on.
This is a book to be read with lot of patience and space. Reflection will help take the most out of it.
March 24, 2020
Starts off extremely well and I really liked how it describes child, adolescents and adults as stages in maturity and emotional reasoning rather than different physical ages. As in you may be an adult in age but you emotionally you may be a child. Additionally strongly agree with idea of balance in life being the key to pretty much everything. However towards the end it does seem a little too idealistic and impossible to see how anyone could act as rationally all the time as the authors suggest we should.
October 25, 2020
Really loved this - listened to it as an audiobook as I came across Alain de Botton via podcasts so thought it would translate well over audio although as it’s not narrated by de Botton himself I think it was slightly less engaging/pervasive over audio (hence dropping a star, slightly unfair perhaps!). I will however be buying the paper copy of this and reading again and think I will refer back & recommend for years to come
June 5, 2013
This book is the 'how-to' of life... Ranging from love, politics to technology. Inquisitive, thoughtful and interesting, I felt like I genuinely learned things that I can apply to my own life. Like giving myself techno breaks every day. The chapters are divided up into overarching themes and it works well in this way. I feel like first section on love and sex was the strongest.
June 5, 2021
A reminder to balance our world view between romanticism that has dominated our life and discourse with a more classicist /pragmatism view. Talks about compromises and appreciating imperfections . I think they are lessons that are known but often forgotten, therefore a good reminder. My favourite quote- The wise know that it is impossible to be wise every single hour let alone for the entire day.
April 26, 2020
Reading and listening to the school of life is pure pleasure. Everything they discuss is wise, insightful, useful and encouraging. And they make your abnormalities feel normal. The contributors have a gold mine of information to share.
July 31, 2022
It eloquently describes our inner lives the underlying causes for many of the reccurent themes of relationships but also life in general.
I really learnt a lot. This book changed me for the better, in making me more compassionate and kind to others and to myself.
I really learnt a lot. This book changed me for the better, in making me more compassionate and kind to others and to myself.
January 2, 2013
It's about 3.5 stars. The book is in three parts Alain de Botton wrote the first part "How to think more about sex"which is good.
July 4, 2015
Always love thick essay book!
March 5, 2020
Sales pitch on why you need to go through psychoanalysis.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 132 reviews