Keep Showing Up: How to Stay Crazy in Love When Your Love Drives You Crazy

by Karen Ehman

Discover how your differences can become the strength of your marriage in this real-life guide to both living with and loving your spouse. It is true that opposites attract--for a while. But often as the years go by in our marriages, opposites may also begin to attack. The habits and characteristics we once found endearing about our significant other are the exact things that drive us crazy years later! Whether you and your spouse disagree about finances, parenting, or how to load the dishwasher, your differences don't need to divide you. They can actually bring you closer together--and closer to God. In Keep Showing Up, Karen Ehman shows you . . . Throughout Keep Showing Up , Karen also includes ideas to implement in your marriage right now, such as powerful statements to speak to your spouse, date-night-on-a-shoestring suggestions, and discussion starters.

Genres: Marriage, Nonfiction, Christian, Self Help, Christian Non Fiction, Christian Living, Christianity

224 pages, Paperback

First published February 26, 2019

About the author

Karen Ehman is a speaker, a New York Times bestselling author, a contributing writer for Proverbs 31 Ministries Encouragement for Today online devotions and a teacher in the First 5 Bible study app. She has written 21 books and Bible studies including Keep It Shut: What to Say, How to Say It, and When to Say Nothing at All and the 2020 ECPA devotional book of the year Settle My Soul. She is a graduate of Spring Arbor University and serves as President-Elect of their Alumni Board of Directors. She has been featured on TODAY Parenting, Redbook.com, Foxnews.com, Crosswalk.com, YouVersion.com, and is a monthly columnist for HomeLife Magazine. Her passion is to help women live their priorities as they reflect the gospel to a watching world. Karen is married to her college sweetheart, Todd, and is the mother of six children: three biological and three in-laws by marriage—although she forgets which ones are which. She enjoys collecting vintage Pyrex kitchenware, cheering for the Detroit Tigers, and spending her days feeding the many people who gather around her mid-century dining table to process life and enjoy her county fair blue-ribbon winning cooking.

Reviews

[Jennifer · Rating 3 out of 5]

Read this for my P31 OBS. It was good but not as good as I had hoped. It felt too basic for me. It just didn’t delve into the deeper parts I had hoped to read about. Good overall but only a three star.

[Christina Claypool · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Keep showing Up How to Stay Crazy in Love" is one of the best marriage books I've read in a long time. At first glance, the content might appear to be rather simplistic and practical. But if one reads between the lines of this book, that's exactly why the advice and scripture contained within the pages is so affirming, easy to apply to your own marriage, and yet challenging.
The author has at-times a humorous writing voice, and she is able to drive an important point home without making it sound preachy or complicated. Please don't get me wrong, there are many innovative ideas like the encouragement to look for the pain of others when deciding how to minister as a husband and wife team. Also, the caution and advice to avoid affairs was well detailed. I am giving this marriage self-help book 5 stars. I do wish there was at least a chapter about sex in marriage included. I realize as an author myself one can't cover every topic, but sadly it seems in the Christian community in general we avoid discussing or even offering advice regarding sexual matters in marriage. While in addition to communication and finance, sexual intimacy is probably one of the most important areas where couples could use some support. Still, this is an absolutely wonderful book and every wife or future wife should read it.
I received this book in a Goodreads giveaway.

[Jenny Hartfelder · Rating 2 out of 5]

Meh. Going against the popular vote here, but this book felt like a string of personal illustrations, inspirational quotes, and Twitter feeds. I almost didn't buy it because of the "cutesy" subtitle ... I wish I had realized it was indicative of the book's entire style. There was some decent stuff in there, but overall I found it to be rather shallow. The blog post I read about the book was better than the book itself.

[Dawnielle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Karen’s new book is full of practical suggestions to help you implement Biblical principals in your Marriage. She reminds us that we have choices in how we view romance, love, marriage, and relationship. We can choose to view it through the world’s unrealistic portrayals that raise our expectations and disciples us via TV shows, romance novels, magazine articles, and the movies;
that our mates are there to romance us, make us happy and fulfil the voids in our life Or, we can choose to follow God’s principals in the Bible as to how we are to live our lives and interact with others; and allow God to fill the voids in our lives that only He can fill

On Pg. 10 Karen cautions “This book was written with the average marriage in mind that has its share of heartache, misunderstandings, and normal marital spats. If you are dealing with a more serious issue, such as porn addiction or adultery, or if the conflict your experience over any issue causes arguments that escalates quickly or even frighten you due to verbal abuse or physical harm, get help.”
I come from a marriage very damaged by porn, addiction, and adultery. I believe that there are many tools in this book for me and for others in similarly damaged marriages. Some of the tools I am not ready to take out of the toolbox and use yet. Other’s I can readily implement in a marriage that I am choosing to stay in and be a part of “God’s Redemptive Work” in a man’s life. When I am ready, as God helps me heal and the marriage relationship heal; I can take out the tools and review some of Karen’s practical instructions that suggest ways to use them and I can begin to practice using those tools.
I highly recommend this book for those seeking to “Keep Showing Up” in their marriages as they allow God to transform them.

I received an ARC of this book in paperback format, as a member of the launch team. The opinions expressed above are my own and I have received no other renumeration than the aforementioned book. I have purchased a copy directly Amazon

[Bethaney Miller · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was everything I needed! I highly recommend it to everyone and anyone. This book was something my Mom has sitting on her table one day, and I simply went over and read the back cover. Man, I thought this is exactly what I need. I was going through probably the hardest times in my marriage. I wasn’t ready for divorce, but I hated the relationship I had with my husband. This book, along with therapy, and learning I am not able to change someone else( even if I want to magical change my husband) I had to change myself. This book brought a lot of eye openers and suggested solutions to exact things that were happening in my life. Keep Showing Up! 💛

[Marcy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Express how we feel to each other in a healthy way. "When you do A, I feel B." It's simple and specific without blaming and name-calling. Also, "make choices today that won't cause regret tomorrow." Remember that conflict isn't a terrible thing. "Learning to work through differences and handle conflict in a healthy way allows your bond to solidify and hold. When there is a healthy resolution, you gain greater understanding of each other. And you reconcile in a manner that strengthens your relationship."

[America Grelinger · Rating 5 out of 5]

It is a hard pill to swallow when you find you are the 'woman' in the book. I laughed and nodded so many times I felt my brain rattling around in my head! I am a very strong A-type, extrovert who is NEVER wrong. It was a humbling read and I learned many things about myself and how to grow in my marriage. I have been married 20 years. I fight the fight every day to stay happily and blissfully married. This is a great book to keep in my tool chest. I highlighted, underlined and will reference this book for passages when I am struggling with my faith in myself and in my marriage. Highly recommend.

[Angie · Rating 2 out of 5]

I just couldn't get into this book. I felt like the author really is picky with everything her husband does. It was a little of complaining about him and I know it was to get the reader to maybe relate but it was just too much. There were a lot of quotes from other people that the author has spoken to in the book and I thought that a little odd too. I noticed a lot of people got a lot from the book from their reviews but I really didn't learn anything new.

[Camie Hillegonds · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved it! A must read for any married woman!

[Stacey · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best books on marriage I've read. Encouraging, very challenging, authentic.

[Kari Napier · Rating 3 out of 5]

Great advice....but an overkill on the passages and too much church talk for me. It feels pressed and forced. But some was good and fitting

[Stephanie · Rating 3 out of 5]

The pros: This is an easy-to-read, non-judgy Christian advice book that encourages the reader to power through the ups and downs of marriage. The average married woman who is struggling with the everyday, normal issues of compatibility, unmet expectations, or communication will likely find comfort and inspiration in the author’s personal anecdotes, as well as the success stories she shares about her friends or acquaintances who have gone through even bigger struggles and managed to stay together, happily. At the end of each chapter there is a little bit of extra content, mostly in the form of lists. And I am a sucker for a good list.

The cons: Overall, this is not a good book for someone who is going through more difficult marriage problems. (The author does acknowledge this in the introduction, saying the book was written with the “average” marriage in mind and if you’re dealing with a more serious issue, you should reach out to your pastor or a counselor.) The writing isn’t brilliant. There are lots of cliches and platitudes that are comforting in a way, but there’s nothing very profound or unique in the bulk of the content. The author injects a bit of humor here and there, but it usually comes across as corny. If this book were a movie, it would be made by Hallmark: Cozy and safe, keeping a respectable distance from anything too intense or too complicated. If it were a food, it would be a fortune cookie: Pleasant and slightly sweet with Pinterest-worthy words inside, but lacking enough substance for the truly hungry reader.

[Bible Gateway · Rating 5 out of 5]

Discover how your “incompatibility” can become the strength of your marital team in this real-life guide to both living with and loving your spouse—differences and all. Read our blog post with Karen here: https://www.biblegateway.com/blog/201...

[Y Mimi Ryans · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book, made me take a look at myself to figure out how to change and improve my marriage.

[Celeste · Rating 3 out of 5]

Was book shopping and this book caught my eye. Opened up to the middle and the first page I saw was a page of scriptures that highlight powerful verse for quarrel prevention and reduction.

This was exactly what my heart was looking for as I was newly engaged and getting in to little quarrels with my fiancé. Many of the tips and insights Karen had shared, I still think on now -even in marriage.

This book starts off funny, and then a bit crude in my opinion. I felt it was that way to draw in un-believers(?). Although, this attitude was kept through most of the book

The way Karen talks about her husband rubbed me the wrong way at some points. It almost felt like she was tolerating him and didnt really like him all that much. And there was one chapter that sent me into a doozy. “The setup for success” - “we need more spotters” … and the notion of “we are all capable of committing 4 bad choices in a row”. I did not like how easy the author made it sound to fall into a devastating sin like cheating. People say all sins are equal, but I don’t view it that way.

As a newly engaged lady at the time, that chapter scared me. I know how secure I am in Christ, and my fiancé too - but for a Christian to be claiming they were just a few choices away from breaking the image of Jesus and the church just grieved me a lot. I was so confused how she had setup this beautiful image of marriage and how it was something worth showing up/fighting for - but I didnt think that meant it was going to be so easy for us as Christian’s to throw it all away. Karen said something to the effect of, it takes one person to break a marriage and that one could be me.

I think as followers of Christ, we need tot hold ourselves to higher standards and know that GOD has freed us from sin. We dont have to be 4 choices away from ruining our marriages. I really think, if we are in God and God is in us, it will be a lot harder than that. We would have to be actively going against the current and the LORD Jesus would be reprimanding us/chastening us/throwing consequences our way and placing us back on track. OUR SIN would become disgusting to us. It just baffled me that it felt like it was being rationalized/normalized. Idk it was heart breaking to me! I cried and prayed over it and I asked God to change Karen’s heart. I want to be 1 million choices away from destroying the symbolic representation and the ACTUAL covenant GOD has made between Groom and BrideGroom.

Alas, as much as that almost made me throw out the whole book - I did not end up throwing the baby out with the bath water. There is a lot to be learned from this book.. I would just NOT recommend that part in Chapter 8.

I would also not recommend picking up the authors inner dialogue for the way she speaks about her husband. I do not think of my husband that way with a belittling tone, and I usually dont tend to think that way towards any other people either. Change will happen on the inside, so I’d be careful to make sure your thoughts are honoring to God too just as much as your outward speech.


All that said, I will be re-reading parts of the book as I felt some tips were biblical and helpful in having a peaceable and interesting marriage

[Vanessa James-brooks · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow where to start, I love this book so much because of how it is written. Karen Ehman did a fantastic job helping people see into their marriage with clear vision , no rose colored glasses here! I am on page 51 and decided to review what I have read thus this far because I need to start at page 1 again , but this time with highlighters and a note pad so I can take notes. I LOVE the “Love Attracts, love Attacks” analogy because men and women are created VERY differently, the falling out of love, the need to cheat, and hurtful words, or even the words that are not being spoken can Attack you! One of my favorite parts thus far would be the way she described her and her husband in the car together , or how she read into how he was thinking but really he was thinking about WAY different things than she thought he was, I am guilty of that for sure and I bet the majority of us lady’s do that.

Karen is very to the point but with some humor to keep you wanting to read more, I love how she talks about her own struggles in her marriage , and the pains she has experienced because I think this book has something in it for every lady out there! I love how she helps you see what god wants your marriage to be like, stop fighting over money, parenting, come together as one and be on the same page. that doesn’t mean you have to always agree on everything , just means you compromise and work together. Like I have herd over and over , ” A couple that prays together stay’s together”, not sure if that is 100% true but I like the thought of that. So with 51 pages read and 223 pages total in this book I can’t wait to dig way deeper into this with my highlighters, notebook, and prayers along the way. Please give this book a chance, I want to order a few for friends that is how much I love it so far!

I received this material from Booklookbloggers free in exchange for my honest opinion no matter good or bad.

[Rehmat · Rating 3 out of 5]

Every individual has four aspects of his life. They are; family life, professional life, social life and finally personal life.

I have written these aspects in arrangements when you wake up in the morning you first hang out with your family so your each day begins with family life. Having said that, the family life takes the first place in order of significance.

Therefore, it is essential to read some books which should enrich your family life and live the life to its fullest the familial aspect of your life.

In this backdrop, I read sometimes back Dr. Gary Chapman's The Five Love Languages who identified five specific love languages we use to demonstrate affection. These are: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. Hence, I rated this book a five star which hardly any book earns five stars at least from me. Since then I decided to read more books on strengthening relationships in family life.

After searching on the net, I came through Karen Ehman's Keep Showing Up then I decided to go through it and finally materialized my intent. Though, despite having peppered the book with religious touches quoting verese from Bible I find it interesting read.

There's no two ways about it: marriage is hard. But your differences don't need to divide you. When you decide to do the work and keep showing up, you find that your relationships with your husbands becomes stronger, more loving, and more supportive. And your relationship with God deepens right along with it.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was blessed to hear Karen Ehman speak at the She Speaks conference. Her warmth and humor is engaging, and it shines through in her new book about marriage. She gives many practical tips for hanging in there when your marriage gets stale or your spouse gets on your nerves.

If you have been married one year or twenty years, you’ve probably realized that your spouse is SO different from you! As a wife of 18+ years, I’ve learned that my husband and I could not be more opposite. However, with the tips Karen lovingly shares in this book, you can bridge the gap between your differences and fall in love with your spouse again.

Karen is a gifted storyteller, and she creates good word pictures in her book. I appreciated her metaphor of twill to marriage. When she learned how to sew, she learned that twill is woven in a special way to become stronger. The two-direction weave holds up better than single-weave fabric. We can apply this picture, along with others she reveals in this ultra-practical book, to our marriages.

Keep Showing Up will help you understand and respect your spouse to an even greater degree. She helps you learn to argue without tearing each other apart, lower your expectations, and gain a spouse-focused mindset.

I received a preview copy of Keep Showing Up from Zondervan as part of the BookLook Bloggers Program.

[Lisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have never been disappointed with a Karen Ehman book and ‘Keep Showing Up’ is no exception. All of Karen’s books are full of wisdom and practical, biblical advice.
Let’s face it, being married isn’t always easy. People sometimes get unrealistic ideas of what married life and romance should look like based social media posts, which are most likely exaggerated. In today’s throw away society, couples are sometimes ready to give up rather than putting in the hard work.
Karen explains what true love looks like, as demonstrated in one of my favorite quotes from the book, “The whole romanticized notion today of a “soul mate” has ruined many a marriage. The image and behavior associated with it just can’t be sustained. I do better thinking of my husband , not as my soul mate , but as my sole mate-meaning he is the one and only for me.” She gives practical tips on keeping your relationship from getting boring and how to find magic in the mundane once your relationship becomes routine.
There is no judgement here. This book is like chatting with a close friend that you will miss once the last page is turned. I highly recommend.

[Tracye Goad · Rating 5 out of 5]

Karen's new book on marriage is hitting bookshelves at the perfect time for so many of us. One of her greatest gifts in writing is her ability to make you feel as if the pages transport you to sitting at her table, drinking coffee and having a heart to heart conversation. The kind of conversation that requires tissues, because you may find yourself laughing so hard you cry or because she's touching those deep places needing honesty and healing. Even if she's telling you something hard to hear because you know you need to change, she does so in such a gentle way that you're willing to give it a try because she's giving you the courage to do it with her gentle spirit and honesty. In Keep Showing Up, the conversation will teach you how to fight for your marriage in the right way, help you redefine what romance is, help you work on yourself more than trying to change your spouse, how to be together as a team, and how to truly reconnect. It's scripturally sound and above all, points you to Christ. Whether you're newly married or married decades, I think you'll find something in its pages that can be truly transforming to whatever season of marriage you're in.

[Maegan Spivey · Rating 4 out of 5]

It was a light, quick read with solid Biblical principles for marriage. I think what made it worth reading for me (personally) was the stress on being married in community. Our first instinct is to balk at that much transparency (at least mine is!) but I have seen first hand what living outside godly accountability and transparency can do beyond just the examples in the book. To kindly be willing to have that awkward conversation if it will serve to warn our brothers and sisters, even at the risk of losing a friendship. Or to hear humble reproof from those with a good view of our lives.
I also liked the reframing of our picture of our husband: to choose the good highlight reel instead of the bad.
Overall, one thing Karen Ehman said a few times that hit me afresh is that I have to vigilant in my own marriage: it takes two people to make a great marriage but only one to break it up. So far as it depends on me, I must keep showing up.

[Fireplace.Bookworm · Rating 4 out of 5]

My February personal development read was Keep Showing Up by Karen Ehman. It was SO good. Karen discusses ways to better your marriage, continue showing up, but in reality it was a book that could be applied to life and not just marriage. At least that’s what I got out of it.

One of the lessons I learned that can be applied to both marriage and life is to loose the attitude. I definitely am guilty of taking my frustrations out from my day on my husband. I constantly tell myself at work that life isn’t what happens to me but rather how I react to it, but that goes completely out the window when I get home. This reminded me that my students are not the only ones to receive my grace, my son and husband need it as well.

The second lesson worth mentioning is to just show up. There will be trouble and conflicts in life, it’s a given, you cannot hide from all of it, you have to show up. The concept that trouble is going to happen and we should just deal with it rather than avoid it came to me at a time when I was in a dark place last month. I was reminded, when I needed it, that we will have trouble no matter what we do or say. It’s part of the eating of the apple. We needn’t shrink away from it but rather trust Christ to help us threw it.

Rating: 4 stars

Favorite Quote: “True love is the steadfast presence of your lover, the willingness to stick it out when things get rocky. It demonstrates love when no one else is looking, True Love is wholly committed, costing the giver time and effort. It gives with no expectation of recognition or return.

[Julie Woodman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Karen Ehman's new book-- "Keep Showing Up " came at the perfect time for me. My husband and I were struggling in our relationship and I needed help. Karen's words gave me hope that we weren't the only ones who had problems. And she gave practical and Biblical advice that I was able to put into practice right away. Her book was a fun and easy read, but so full of useful information. I will return to it over and over as my husband and I work to reconnect and strengthen our relationship. I recommend it to all married women. No matter how long you have been married you will find useful advice. I have purchased copies for my friends.

I received a copy of the book from the publisher in exchange for an honest review.

[Samantha Miller · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was absolutely amazing! I felt as if she was describing my life in detail! I was able to personally relate to and place my marriage into the pages of this book. At times I would have to stop and reread a paragraph because I was in awe of how much her words lined up with every detail of my marriage. The struggles and frustrations we as wives face couldn’t have been more on point. The plethora of amazing advice given in this book were so simple, yet so profound. We all have struggles in our marriages, but if we can just trust God with His plan and realize that no matter what obstacles we may face through our lives with our spouses, He is with us and can use any situation for your good and for His glory!

[Lyli Dunbar · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wish Karen Ehman was my neighbor, and I could sit down at her kitchen table to ask her how to survive the crazy chaos in my marriage. But after reading this book, I feel like she created a place for me in the pages of her book and invited me in. She doesn't preach at me or tell me that I need to take a chill pill. She confesses she struggles, too, and she is willing to share the hard-earned wisdom she has gained in the trenches. Karen has encouraged me to keep fighting for my marriage, and she's given me practical tools to help me adjust my thinking and fight smart. I am so thankful I read this book, and I will be sharing it with all my married friends. This was a game changer.

[Aliesha Hill · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thoroughly enjoyed this book. Is it full of new, groundbreaking, or deep thoughts/advice? No, but it is full of great and useful reminders, it is full of scripture, relatable stories and advice, and humor. This is not a difficult read and it is one I am going to keep around to refer back to. I don't think you will find this book a waste of time to read.

A note to remember- the author does not claim this book to be for those marriages suffering from infidelity, domestic abuse or addiction. Don't look for fixes for those things in this book, though I do believe it offers some helpful tips for those issues, they aren't a substitute for marriage and/or individual counseling or rehab.

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Karen always has the best advice, her books are like sitting with a mentor who has been there. She gives wisdom and ideas on how to strengthen any marriage, not just "sandpaper" ones! Many books seem to give the same marital advice, most of which is aimed at newlyweds, but she has steps to make any marriage better. Her encouragement to find a ministry in which to serve together will not only make marriages stronger, but also bring both spouses closer to God as they get their eyes off themselves.

[Debbie Chatley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Highly recommend this book for every married woman. This book focuses on what we as wives can do to make our marriage all it can be in spite of what our husbands behavior. And there are very practical tips for us as wives to keep showing up.

Speaking personally this book came at a time I needed it. My husband and I have been through a 3+ year struggle. And I had already wrestled with Hod to stick it out and to stay in my marriage for His honor and glory. But I kept praying God show me what to do. And then this book came to my attention through Proverbs 31.

[Leslie · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was hard for me to get through. It’s written at parts like she’s trying to be funny and relatable. However, it comes across as she’s a nit-picker and lets small things drive her crazy. Almost like she doesn’t have personal experience with big martial issues. There’s also a lot of name dropping, like she’s bragging about my famous friend so and so. I found it annoying. I did like the Bible verses incorporated. And I appreciated the small section on what to do when you and your spouse aren’t spiritually in sync.

[Nina Her books · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book speaks truth about Marriage. It is hard and It takes work, but it is worth it. In Keep showing up Karen gives you practical bible based advice on how to keep showing up in your marriage. There are so many good prayers in this book and bible references for times that can be difficult. This is definitely going to be a book I keep for later reference. I would definitely recommend this book for any married couple.